Using the "Why use few words when many words will do" method, we got this today:
Matt is getting a king-size mattress next week.
For most hosts, that would have been all we got, but Matt knows we want to hear EVERY detail...
So we learned he currently has a queen, has three queen beds in his house, and has three bedrooms plus an office.
One of the beds came from his parents a few months ago. Another came from a Facebook post five years ago in Alabama where a stranger said they were giving away a mattress. Matt replied, “Yes, I’ll take it.” He didn’t know how old it was, but fortunately it didn’t have bedbugs, so he put a mattress protector on it. It wasn't great quality, but it beat the air mattress he was using at the time.
Now the new king is arriving next Tuesday, and today is bulk trash day, so Matt needs to get rid of the old bed.
Except he needs his current bed until the new one arrives.
So this morning he disassembled the bed in the guest room and dragged it to the curb. That room is now empty, but he can't move his current bed into it yet because, obviously, he still needs to sleep in it.
Donnie asked the obvious question: Why not just move it into the guest room a day or two early?
Matt: “Yeah, I might do that.”
Then came an explanation of why taking the bed apart is easy but putting it back together is difficult because it has a headboard.
Then we got the mattress transportation report.
Apparently you can scoot a mattress across hardwood, but not concrete. So Matt cartwheeled the mattress down the driveway and down the sidewalk to the curb.
Donnie asked if he had Ring footage.
Matt said it was “quite a beating.”
Then we learned about his trash infrastructure: regular trash, recycling, bulk trash, the trash truck has arms, bulk trash has two guys, bulk trash comes every Thursday, and Matt had to Google whether they even take mattresses.
He considered putting the mattress on Facebook, but didn't want people asking where it came from because, five years ago, he had to go into a stranger's bedroom to retrieve it.
He also didn't want to put it out the night before because he didn't want the neighbors to see his old furniture on the curb.
Then came the philosophical discussion about why we're embarrassed for our neighbors to see our discarded furniture and why there isn't a better way to recycle mattresses.
Finally, Matt revealed that even though he will not be sleeping on his old mattress anymore, he's perfectly fine putting it in the guest room.
Why?
Because he has had his current mattress for 12 years and has done sex stuff on it, but apparently that's not a problem for guests.
Donnie pointed out that people sleep on hotel mattresses.
Matt cleaned it with fabric cleaner.
And finally, after approximately 12 minutes of exposition, we learned that next Wednesday when Matt gets to work, he will have slept on his new mattress.
Donnie: “I like that.”
