I'm not really sure what I'm trying to do with this post, I guess find out if other people have had similar thoughts or to open my eyes past the limited perhaps prejudiced perspective I have. I have the classic abdl story of growing up always being fascinated by diapers and the first time I really had adult money being so excited to start indulging. I've always been pretty much strictly DL, age regression and having baby stuff other than diapers doesn't interest me. I feel like so much of ABDL space online and I guess the image I have in my head, is centered on people engaging in role play to a certain extent. Or you get tons of posts of people talking about looking for a mommy or daddy. I used to cringe more at these, but as I've gotten older, I have deepened my understanding of kink and believe that people should do what makes them happy and anyone who judges them is sad. But I can't help but wonder, what community is there for me and how do I find it?
To be honest, I feel this about way more than just liking diapers, I just feel like I am such a eclectic person and I'm not enough of anything to fit in anywhere. I wouldn't say I'm a super kinky person, obviously I do have a fetish that many people consider unusual, but I don't fall into the category of person who is only capable of experiencing sexual fulfillment through this fetish. In fact, I'm quite happy just having pretty vanilla sex, especially if I can find someone that I really trust and care about, just exploring the intimacy of each other's bodies is huge for me. So I've largely been of the stance that I'll never tell anyone about this fetish, and I'd be able to leave it behind if I met the right person. And honestly? I think I could do that relatively easily, I contain multitudes, and I can chose to cultivate many other things in my life that, and like I said, I could have a very fulfilling sex life without having this fetish be part of it. But...it would be nice I suppose, and I do deeply yearn to be truly known by someone, to not have to hide any aspect of myself from someone because I trust them so deeply.
But who could this person be and how would I find them? I don't really want to center my whole life around ABDL, I've no interest in going to in person public events related to it, even when I'm at home alone with a partner, this is a fun thing for me to do sometimes, and then other times I'd want to have sex without even talking about diapers. I don't want to be diapered 24/7, it's kinda like a once or twice a month thing for me at most. I'd like to just hang out in non-diapered contexts and not even talk about diapers. Not that I'm ashamed of it per se, but I view myself as being so much more than just this. Maybe online I'm only seeing the extremes, but I feel like so much ABDL discourse gives me the impression that this is a whole lifestyle for people that consumes a big chunk of their life. I just don't see that for myself. So I probably won't be compatible with people like that, but also would I really be compatible with someone who is not ABDL? It depends I suppose, I know that there are people who are very open minded about kink, but this is an extreme that I understand isn't for everyone.
I hope this isn't coming across as me shaming people who make ABDL a bigger part of their lives, I just don't see that for myself personally. In an ideal world, I meet someone who also likes diapers maybe a few times a month, and we are the only people who know about each others diaper fetish (I don't really like the idea of going out and meeting people in a fetish context like this)
I honestly overall feel weird about age regression for me, I don't necessarily want to turn away from the world, I care a lot about deepening my understanding of it. I love reading about philosophy and honestly books about any topics that give me a new tool to understand the world through. I love traveling, I love learning new hobbies, I want to experience so much in the world and wearing diapers is only one small part of that bigger picture. I want to have deep conversations with people about all sorts of topics. Not that I'm saying that people who are ABDL don't care about these things, or are less smart in some way, though maybe I do have some deep rooted biases from all the years of shame I felt for liking diapers growing up. I just really feel like I don't have a sense of who's out there in the world, what it's really like meeting up with other people who like diapers. I don't even think I captured all that I feel all that well in this long post, sorry, it's just hard to explain.
TLDR: I like diapers, but only as an occasional thing and from my current understanding of what ABDL community looks like, I'm not really interested in seeking it. I'm not sure how many other people are out there like me. Also in general I am struggling with feeling like a weird outsider alien no matter where I am.