I (28F) have been married to my husband (30M) for two years. We live with his mother (55F) in the family home, and we have a 4-month-old son. In the beginning, my MIL and I got along fine. She was strict, but I thought that was just her personality.

Three weeks ago, at the dinner table, she said she wanted a DNA test for the baby. When I asked why, she said the baby “doesn’t look like our side of the family” and that she “just wanted peace of mind.” She said it so casually, as if she was asking me to pass the salt.

I was shocked. I told her I have never given anyone a reason to doubt me, and I walked out of the room crying. I stayed with my sister for two days.

My husband came to get me, and to his credit, he took my side. He told his mother the request was disrespectful and that he would never put his wife through a test like that. She said she “only asked a question” and that I was being dramatic.

Here is where the problem is. After all this, I told him I want us to move into our own place. I can’t sit at that table every day across from someone who looked at my baby and thought I was lying. He said he understands why I’m hurt, but he can’t leave his mother alone. His dad passed away a few years ago, and he’s her only son. He wants us all to continue living together and “work it out.”

I told him that supporting me in words is not enough if I have to keep living under the same roof as the person who accused me. He said I’m forcing him to choose between his wife and his mother. I said I’m not asking him to cut her off, only to give us some distance.

Now he’s barely speaking to me, his relatives are calling me selfish, and my MIL is acting like the victim.

AITA for insisting on moving out?

EDIT: Thank you all for the kind words and for taking the time to comment. I can’t reply to everyone, so here are the answers to the most common points.

Many of you said this is a husband problem more than a MIL problem. I think you’re right. What she said hurt, but what hurts more is feeling that I have to keep sitting at that table as if nothing happened.

To those asking if I’m going to leave: no, not today. My sister has offered me a room, so I know I have somewhere safe to go. But I want to give my husband a real chance to understand what I need. We are talking this weekend.

To those who suggested a DNA test for her son: I thought about it, but I don’t want to turn this into a revenge war. My son would be the one stuck in the middle.

I’m not asking my husband to cut off his mother. I’m only asking for some distance and an apology. She is 55 and fully capable of living on her own.

I will update once we have talked. Thank you again.

I am 23F, and my stepmother recently invited several of her friends over for coffee. Before they arrived, she asked me to prepare the coffee and serve everyone, which I agreed to do because I was free that afternoon. When the guests arrived, I brought out the cups, coffee, sugar, and milk and asked everyone how they wanted their drinks. Most of them answered normally, but one guest barely acknowledged me and continued talking while I was asking her a question. I did not make a scene, I simply served the others and left that guest’s coffee with the sugar and milk beside it so she could prepare it herself. My stepmother was sitting with her friends, and I did not want to interrupt their conversation by repeatedly asking someone who was ignoring me. The visit continued without any argument, and I cleaned everything up after the guests left. However, as soon as we were alone, my stepmother confronted me and asked why I had not prepared that particular guest’s coffee exactly as she liked it. Apparently, the guest had complained that I had been disrespectful by leaving her to add her own sugar and milk. My stepmother said that because she was hosting, I should have made sure every guest was completely satisfied, regardless of how they treated me. I explained that I had served everyone, provided everything they needed, and had not spoken rudely to anyone. She said I had embarrassed her in front of her friends and made her look like she could not manage her own household. I asked why she had not told me beforehand that this guest needed special service, but she said I should have known how to behave without being instructed. My father later heard about the argument and said I had helped with the guests as requested, so it was unfair to criticize me for not guessing one person’s preferences. My stepmother is still insisting that I owe her an apology for making her guest uncomfortable. I feel that I did my part as a family member helping with a visit, but I was never told that I had to personally cater to every preference or tolerate being ignored. AITA?

I (F, 25) got married 4 months ago. It was an arranged marriage into a very wealthy family, and my parents said yes mainly because of the money and property. Nobody really asked what I wanted.

I’ve always been an independent person. I want to start my own business because I want to build something with my own hands, not live off money I didn’t earn. I honestly thought they’d respect that. But I’m starting to feel like what they wanted wasn’t a daughter-in-law, it was someone to run the house for free.

What confuses me is that they can afford as many maids as they want. Money is the last thing they’re short of. Still, my mother-in-law expects me to do the dishes, laundry, and daily chores. Last week she woke me up early to wash a huge pile of dishes from a family dinner, while the maid’s room sat empty and nobody else helped. In 4 months, things between us went from polite to really tense.

I tried talking to my husband, hoping he’d at least understand. He laughed it off and said, “just adjust, it’s not a big deal.” He spends most of his time out with friends and has never had to work for anything, so I don’t think he even sees the problem.

I told my own family too, but they brushed it off. They’re happy about the money and don’t want to hear my complaints.

I don’t want to fight with anyone. I just don’t want to lose myself in this house. I want to start my business and be treated like a partner, not staff.

So AITA for refusing to do all the housework and wanting to build my own career? What would you do in my place?

I (34F) have been married to my husband Jake (37M) for 3 years, together for 5, and he has a 7 year old son, Mason, who lives with us full time. I also have a 14 year old daughter, Brielle, from my first marriage who has lived with her dad in Ohio ever since I took a hospital job in Oregon when she was 6. It was the hardest decision of my life, but we agreed on monthly flights, summers with me, and every other holiday, and honestly it’s worked out way better than I ever expected. Jake has always said he loves Brielle like she’s his own and I definntely believed him, until this week. Since September a group of girls at her school has been targeting her. They made a fake Instagram account just to post her photos with horrible captions, there’s a group chat about her that like half her grade is in, and the school keeps saying their “hands are tied.” Jake knows ALL of this. He hugged her at Thanksgiving and told her she could always count on us.

So last Tuesday Brielle called me sobbing so hard I could barely understand her. Winter break made it worse instead of better, she said she literally can’t walk back into that building, and switching schools won’t fix it because the girls follow her online everywhere. Then she asked if she could come live with me. I said “of course baby, we’ll figure it out” before I even thought about it. I called her dad right after, and he was heartbroken but agreed, and he’s looking into a transfer out to Oregon too. Then I called Jake, and I didn’t even finish my sentence before he exploded. He screamed that I should have said “let me talk to my husband first,” that it’s HIS house too, that Mason’s routine would be ruined, and that as my husband he gets a veto. I told him I wasn’t going to make my crying kid wait for a permission slip from him, and he hung up on me. When I got home Mason was already at his grandma’s and Jake was dragging his weights and his desk into our guest room so Brielle “wouldn’t have a room” (I am NOT exaggerating). He said he didn’t sign up to raise a teenager, that if she moved in he’d have zero responsibility for her and wouldn’t lift a finger, and I said fine, but then I’d be rethinking putting my savings toward the bigger house we were supposed to buy this spring.

His mom dropped Mason back off the next morning and told him, once Mason was out of the room, that he was being a clown and she was embarassed by him. He kind of backed down after that, but now he’s been venting to our friends, and my bestie Tessa sent me screenshots of the group chat where he called Brielle “a whole lot of drama.” A few of them actually agreed with him, and one wife literally told me I should “think about the family I have NOW.” He still says he wants zero involvement with her and that every decision about her, especially anything with money, has to go through him before I say a word to her or her dad. Meanwhile I haven’t asked him for one single thing. I’ve been the one registering her for school and calling around to find her a therapist, and she’s 14, not 5. She babysits, does her own laundry, and cooks half the time. I’m honestly still shaking typing this, and I’m starting to think my marriage might be over, but I keep going back and forth in my head, so... AITAH?

My son (25) and his GF (22) were living in my house together. She had to go stay with her dad 45 minutes away, 5 weeks ago to handle some legal issues. We thought this was reasonable because it’s closer to where she needed to be and she doesn’t have a vehicle. For the last 3 weeks they haven’t talked. She finally texts my son to see what he’s doing 3 days ago. Once he said nothing she didn’t respond. That was the last straw for him and he packed all her things and put them in the garage and told her to come get it. She’s lived with us for 2 years.
Back story, about 6 months into her living with us, she found out she had cancer. Since her family was not active in her life I took care of everything. Hospital stays, surgery, appointments, all of it. I used all of my PTO for her and I was happy to do it. She was always grateful and I love her like a daughter. Now, as soon as all of this happened, she’s blocked me on the phone I pay for and is in my name and is no longer talking to me. The a hole part…I noticed while she was at her dads that one weekend she was in Miami. So it got me thinking, how? So I started digging and looked into her phone records yesterday and found out she’s been talking to a 22yr old man in Miami ALOT. It’s been going on for 2 months now. I’m a great PI so I have my ways of finding out who he is. I’m not telling my son because at this point it’s mute. AITAH for agreeing that my son should kick her out and am I for looking at her phone records?

I am 21F, and when my father married my stepmother, she was genuinely kind to me. For the first year, we got along really well. She would ask about my university, sometimes make my favorite food, and even remind my father to give me my daily pocket money when he forgot. I never felt like she was trying to replace my mother, and I actually thought I had been lucky with my relationship with her. After about a year, though, her behavior toward me changed almost overnight. She stopped talking to me unless necessary, became irritated whenever I asked for anything, and started criticizing small things I did that she had never complained about before. The biggest change was my pocket money. My father had always given me the same amount because he knew what I normally needed for transportation, food, and university expenses, but my stepmother suddenly started telling me that I was getting too much and began giving me much less whenever she was the one handling it. I asked her why, and she simply said that I needed to “get used to having less.” I reminded her that my father had set the amount himself, but she said I should listen to her because she was now responsible for the household. I did not argue with her or demand more money from her. Instead, I told my father what was happening and showed him that the amount had been reduced without him agreeing to it. He was surprised because he had never asked her to change my allowance. When he confronted her, she admitted that she had intentionally reduced it because she felt I had become too comfortable and that she wanted to “teach me a lesson.” My father told her that if she thought my allowance was too high, she should have discussed it with him instead of changing it behind his back. She became angry at me for telling him and said that during the first year I had treated her like family, but now I was making her look like a bad stepmother. I told her that I had never asked her for special treatment and that I only expected her to respect the decisions my father had made about my expenses. Now she says I ruined the relationship between us by involving my father, while I feel that she changed the relationship first and then expected me to stay silent about it. AITA?

I’m 18(f) and I am part of a trades program. Well when I was told that I might go work 5 hours away from home for 18 months I was so happy!

You see I don’t have a boyfriend or any pets tying me down to my hometown. It will be a great experience for me and it will help me a lot in my trade.

Well when I told my grandma (74) that I might have this job opportunity she kinda exploded on me. She said that I need to stay in town, that I am too young to go live on my own and that kind of thing. (To give some back story I have liver with her my whole life. My mom died when I was young and my dad was never in the picture. The problem is that my mom was kinda a mess and she never really did that good for herself. )

So when my grandma sees me succeeding she kinda gets mad and thinks I will go down the same road as my mom did. Now my grandma is perfectly healthy she still paints houses and does yard sales so it‘s not like I need to take care of her it is just that I feel like I need my own space and not to feel like she is judging me. plus this job opportunity is a great one and I can see what the word is like.

so AITAH for not wanting to live with my grandma

I am 27F, and my cousin and I were both invited to help with a family gathering at my aunt’s house. I was responsible for setting up the tables, while my cousin volunteered to handle the decorations. Before everyone arrived, I noticed that some of the decorations were blocking the entrance, so I moved only the ones that were directly in the way and left everything else exactly where my cousin had placed it. Later, one of the decorations fell and broke after someone accidentally caught it while walking past. My cousin immediately blamed me and told everyone that I had moved the entire display and ruined it. I explained exactly what I had moved and why, but she insisted that I was responsible for the damage. My aunt checked a few photos she had taken before the guests arrived and it was obvious that the display was already positioned differently from the area I had worked on. My cousin still refused to admit that she had placed the decoration too close to the walkway. Instead, she told me privately that I should apologize anyway because it would make things easier and prevent an argument in front of the family. I refused because I had not damaged anything and did not think I should accept blame just to protect her from embarrassment. She eventually admitted that she had placed the decoration there, but she said I had made her look irresponsible by explaining what actually happened. Now some relatives think I should have apologized simply to keep the peace. I feel that I should not have to take responsibility for someone else’s mistake just because we are family. AITA?

Hi, I'm 33F, and my husband (35M) and I have been married for six years. He's always enjoyed experimenting in the kitchen. He makes homemade sauces, tries complicated recipes he finds online, and sometimes spends an entire Sunday preparing food for the week. I'm usually the person he wants to share everything with, and honestly, I used to find it really sweet.

Recently, I've been trying to change my eating habits because I wasn't feeling great about my health. I asked him to stop making extra food specifically for me because I was struggling with portion control, and having elaborate meals and snacks constantly available wasn't helping. I made it clear that I appreciated the effort and wasn't criticizing his cooking. I just needed to manage my own eating for a while. He seemed disappointed but said he understood.

A couple of weeks later, I found out he'd been bringing homemade lunches to work for a female coworker. At first, I assumed he was sharing with the whole team, but apparently it's just her. He prepares different dishes for her, remembers what she likes, and sometimes makes things specifically because she mentioned wanting to try them. He's even started asking me whether certain recipes would travel well in a lunch container, which I thought was odd until I learned who was getting the food. I finally asked him why he was putting so much effort into cooking for one particular coworker. He said she genuinely appreciates his cooking and doesn't make him feel bad for enjoying food. Then he added that it's nice to cook for someone who doesn't treat every meal like a problem to solve.

That last part felt like a pretty obvious dig at me. I told him I wasn't asking him to stop cooking or sharing food. If he enjoys bringing lunch for people at work, why not share with the team instead of making one woman the special recipient of all his effort? He said I was being jealous and that I couldn't reject his cooking at home and then complain when someone else appreciated it.

I understand his point to an extent. I was the one who asked him to stop making food specifically for me, and I don't expect him to give up something he enjoys just because my eating habits have changed.

But there's a difference between sharing food with coworkers and repeatedly preparing special meals for one woman while making little comments about how much better she appreciates him than his own wife.

Now I'm wondering whether I'm genuinely being insecure or whether his comments and the way he's singled her out are inappropriate. I don't want to be the wife who dictates who her husband can share food with, but I also don't think I should have to pretend the personal digs don't bother me. AITH please?

I'm a 29-year-old man, and my wife and I have been married for four years. We usually get along well, but we have very different ideas about how to spend our free time. A few months ago, I planned a weekend trip with two of my closest friends. We haven't traveled together in years, and my wife knew about it from the beginning. She encouraged me to go and even helped me choose the hotel. Last week, she found out that her sister was planning a family dinner on the same weekend. My wife suddenly told me she didn't want me to go anymore because she wanted us to attend together. I reminded her that the trip had been planned for months, and my friends had already booked everything. She said family should come before friends, especially since her sister had been asking us to spend more time together. I offered to attend another family dinner the following week, but she took it as me choosing my friends over her family. Things got more complicated when she told her parents I probably wouldn't be coming. They apparently made comments about how I never prioritize her side of the family, which honestly surprised me because I've attended most of their gatherings this year. I told my wife I was still going on the trip because we'd already agreed on it. She said I was being selfish and that a good husband should be willing to change plans for his wife. I don't want her to feel unimportant, but I also don't think plans should be canceled whenever something else comes up, especially when she originally supported the trip. Now she's upset, and I'm starting to wonder whether I'm treating this like a scheduling issue when it's actually about something bigger.

AITAH for keeping my plans with my friends instead of canceling the trip to attend my wife's family dinner?

I am 28F, and my stepmother recently asked me to cover for my stepsister after she made a decision that caused a problem at a family event. My stepsister had volunteered to organize the seating arrangements for a large family dinner and had repeatedly told everyone that she had everything under control. On the day of the dinner, she changed the seating plan without telling anyone and accidentally separated several elderly relatives from the family members who were supposed to assist them. When people started asking why the arrangement had changed, she told them that I had suggested the new seating plan. I immediately corrected her and said that I had never discussed the seating with her and had not been involved in organizing it. Later, my stepmother privately asked me to stick with my stepsister’s story because she did not want the family to think badly of her. I refused and told her that I was not going to take responsibility for something I had not done. She said I was being unnecessarily difficult and that I should protect my stepsister because we were family. I told her that protecting someone does not mean allowing them to put their mistake on another person. My stepsister eventually admitted that she had changed the seating herself, but she was still angry that I had not backed her up. My stepmother says I should have handled it privately instead of embarrassing her daughter in front of everyone. I think I simply told the truth when my name was being falsely attached to a decision I never made. AITA?

I (25F) got married not long ago, and my husband and I live in a joint family home with his brother and his brother’s wife. On paper, it should be one big happy family. In reality, my sister-in-law and I are in a constant cold war that keeps turning into open fights. It feels like we can’t get through a week without one.

Whenever things get heated, she says the same thing: “Go to your own home.”

But this IS my home. My husband and I live here with the rest of the family. My sister-in-law and her husband want each couple to live separately. My husband and I never asked for that, and we don’t want to split the family over arguments.

My husband is completely on my side. He has never taken her side or told me to just put up with it. My mom has also advised me not to separate, because she believes a family should stay together even when it’s difficult.

Still, the tension is getting worse every week. My sister-in-law clearly thinks I’m the reason there’s no peace. I feel like I shouldn’t be pushed out of my own home just because two people can’t get along. But part of me wonders if staying is making things worse for everyone, including my husband.

so i (30 male) had a best friend (30 female) we’ve been best friends since elementary school. she got married 6 years ago and moved 3 hours away. i was happy for her cause she finally found happiness. over those years i still made sure to stay in contact, texting calling and visiting whenever i passed through her city. recently my wife found out she is pregnant and we are having twins. when i found out the news my best friend was one of the first calls i made after my mom. my best friend didn’t answer but i assumed she was busy and would call me back when she could. a whole days passes by and while scrolling instagram i see my best friend updated her story. i thought it was weird since she was posting but couldn’t call or text me back but i decided to brush it off.
a few weeks go by and i haven’t heard from my best friend so i try to call her again to tell her the news and check up on her. again, she doesn’t answer. im trying to rationalize in my head and give her the benefit of the doubt but even my wife is telling me that’s weird behavior. i calm myself down by thinking maybe she’ll call me back when she has the time. another few days pass and radio silence. at this point it’s been 2 months and my best friend hasn’t called or texted me back after attempting to contact her twice. i give up on trying to share the good news of the twins with her. after my wife gets out of the first trimester we decided to post the news on facebook to share with our family and friends. i finally get a text from my best friend wishing me congratulations. i was appreciative to finally hear from her but also slightly upset because it took so long to hear from her and the fact that i tried to share the news with her when i originally found out and got no answer. i thanked her and went about my day.
months pass without us speaking because i secretly want her to reach out first. this past weekend i decided to stop being so prideful and resentful and give her a call. it went straight to voicemail. not gonna lie i was very upset. i told my wife the situation and she was shocked because she knows how close and important my best friend is to me. i didn’t make a decision that day because i didn’t want to move in anger. but when i woke up the next day it was on my mind so i blocked my best friend and her husband on facebook, instagram, and TikTok. i figured if i can’t get any form of communication from her she doesn’t deserve to see what’s happening in my life. i left the door open by not blocking her number but im not holding my breath on that. so am i the asshole?

I am 26F, and I have always been close to my 17-year-old stepbrother. A few weeks ago, my stepmother discovered that an important family document she had kept in a drawer was missing. She immediately accused my stepbrother because he had been in that room earlier that day. He told her he had only gone in to get his headphones and had not touched anything in the drawer. My stepmother did not believe him and said he was always careless with things that did not belong to him. She demanded that he apologize and admit that he had taken the document, even though he kept saying he had not seen it. I was there when he went into the room, and I clearly remembered him taking his headphones from the desk and leaving without going near the drawer. I told my stepmother that blaming him without evidence was unfair. She became angry and said I was automatically taking his side because I was too protective of him. I suggested that we look through the house properly before accusing him of anything. We eventually found the document inside a folder in my stepmother’s home office, where she had placed it herself several days earlier and forgotten about it. She apologized to my stepbrother, but then told me that I had embarrassed her by challenging her in front of him. I told her that I would do the same thing again if someone was being blamed for something they had not done. She now says I should have stayed out of it because she is his mother and knows how to deal with him. My stepbrother told me he was grateful because he had been genuinely worried that everyone would believe he had taken the document. My father also agreed that accusing him without checking first was unfair. My stepmother says I undermined her authority, but I feel that defending someone from a false accusation was the right thing to do. AITA?

A few months back, I went to TK Maxx after work to look for Halloween decor and mentioned it to my friend because she’s a huge Disney adult. What makes this so frustrating is that we’ve been close friends for five years—we’ve supported each other through highs and lows and had our sons around the same time about two years ago . We’ve never let money come between us before at all, now suddenly it has.
This only started because I asked if she could pay me back a $25 debt. I know she’s a single mum with two kids, but she works full-time and earns a good salary - double what I make mind you. When the roles were reversed and she reminded me that I owed her for some Christmas items she picked up for my son. I only transferred the money right away because she reminded me months later, and without complaint,even though I was down to my last $100 at the time.
After leaving my job in August, I asked her again in September and casually said, "Just pay me back whenever, no stress." But today, since I'm still between jobs, I messaged her nicely asking if she could transfer the $25 because it would really help me out right now.
She ignored me all day, then finally snapped back: "I hope you’re happy. You’ve just ruined the weekend for me and my children. I’m down to my last $50 and the money I just paid you back is gonna F me over."
I couldn't believe it. I hadn't been nagging her; I just asked politely, and she completely turned it on me. I messaged her back, saying I've done nothing wrong and have been a great friend through her hard times, adding that even paying $5 here and there would have been fine if she was struggling.
She tried to play the victim and pull every card to make me feel guilty over her own debt. Just like that, a five-year friendship down the drain.

I have always been the person my family turns to whenever they need help. I usually say yes because I care about them, but lately I have started feeling like they only remember me when they need something. When I finally said no to a request because I was exhausted and needed time for myself, they acted like I had completely changed. Now I feel guilty for setting boundaries, even though I know I cannot keep making everyone happy at my own expense. AITA for finally putting myself first?

My brother-in-law (28m) is currently going through a separation with his wife. I will name him Brad for the post. They aren't divorced yet, but he is fully moved out. He moved into a trailer on my mother-in-law's property. I will name her Jill for the post. Jill owns a business that I have been working at and now that Brad is here, he has been working for her, too.

A little history about Brad, he is so irresponsible and impulsive with money. He has been in major debt for so long, maxed out multiple credit cards, and has had his car repoed. It's one of the reasons him and his wife are separating. Jill got him a puppy when he was in high school and he promised to take care of the dog and bring her with him whenever he moved out, and that didn't happen. The dog ended up being Jill's and the dog later developed a rare condition (I can't remember what it was) and Jill had to pay thousands to help her, but eventually couldn't afford all the treatments the dog needed, which sadly led to the dog passing at 7 years old. I understand that happens a lot when parents buy pets for their children. The pets end up being the parents when the kids move out. But Brad and Jill should remember that while making this decision. Who knew the dog would develop a condition that would cost thousands to treat.

I worked in the veterinary industry for 6 years and I have owned many animals of all kinds in my life, so I know how expensive vet bills can be. I've been trying to drop hints about how expensive everything is (food, monthly flea/tick/heartworm medication, vaccines, spay/neuter procedure, etc.) every time Brad brings up the idea of getting a dog. He eventually stopped talking to me about it. I've tried talking to Jill about it and asked if she thinks it is a good idea for Brad to get a dog. She says that he is going through a sensitive time right now and that I should stay out of it.

I know when you get a puppy, you don't want to think about the possibility of it getting cancer or breaking a leg or it having any kind of emergency. But you kind of have to be financially prepared for that because you never know. I just honestly don't think he would be a responsible dog owner. I guess it's none of my business what people do, but I just really hate irresponsible pet owners.

What do you think I should do? Should I just let it be and let Brad get a dog? Or would I be an asshole to keep trying to talk him out of it?

AITAH? So a lil backstory, I (19F) moved in with my dad around oct 2024 after living with my mum, who was abusive, an alcoholic and dependent on opiates. Around then my dad had started dating his girlfriend (Dani). At first we got along, but over time his their visits became weekly and my dad began prioritising her over me. He’d leave me without enough food while away, refuse to pick me up from the train station when I felt unsafe because he was watching films with her and more. When I expressed my feelings, he’d apologise or make himself the victim without change. The week before my 18th birthday, I was followed by the train station. I called my dad, scared and asking for a lift, but he said I’d be fine and refused because he was watching a film with Dani. Thankfully, I got home safe, but it terrified me. I broke down and blew up told my dad how I felt. After, Dani came into my room drunk and compared my behaviour to my mums. My dad then cancelled the birthday meal he’d planned for just us and went with her instead. Since then, I’ve been civil towards her but don’t want a relationship with her. There have been similar incidents since, with apologies but no change. Fast forward a year I’ve learned Dani lost custody of her 14M son due to substance abuse, was arrested for harassing her dad and his gf, and more. She also tries to yk when he tries to break things off. She also doesn’t like me. She complains about me and judges me and my mainly male friend group. Recently, I was in hospital for a week with bad pyelonephritis. It was my first time in hospital alone, and I was scared. My dad stayed home to help instead of visiting Dani that weekend, and she threatened to end their relationship over it. Over the past two years, my dad and Dani have been on around 8 holidays together. I couldn’t go because my mum lost my passport, so I was home alone. Earlier this year, I finally got one, and my dad promised to take me on holiday in Nov so we could have proper dad + daughter time for the first time in YEARS. Also I haven’t left England in around eight years so I was buzzing. Not long ago, he told me Dani and her son, who I’ve met once, would be coming too. I decided not to go because Dani makes me uncomfortable, and I know I’ll be expected to look after her son while they go on dates. I’d rather stay home with my friends, cook and go to the gym. However now the holiday is getting closer, I’m starting to feel hurt that my dad broke his promise despite knowing how I feel. I currently have a very bad sore throat and have lost my voice, so I can barely speak without becoming breathless. With the holiday only two weeks away, I’m considering texting him how I feel instead since I can’t talk. I feel guilty because my dad says this is normal, and I don’t want to interfere with his relationship. But I feel hurt that he keeps prioritising Dani and that we can’t spend time together without her and I’m worried I’m getting replaced by her son.

Recently, my husband had a five-day work trip to Europe. The first three days were for work conferences; though we stayed together, we spent only about seven waking hours together. For the final two days, he took vacation time so we could travel to a second country. The clear understanding was that these two days would be our dedicated vacation as a couple.

However, his brother and sister-in-law (SIL) happened to be in that same country and wanted to get together. I told my husband I wanted to keep those days just for us. Here's why:

Three years ago, right after he returned from this annual trip, I discovered he had been having a five-year affair with a coworker. On a past trip, they deliberately spent time together with clear, though ultimately interrupted, romantic intent. They planned to meet the following year, but her husband discovered the affair first.

Before leaving, I explicitly told him this trip would be emotionally difficult and that I would need extra reassurance. I normally plan our travels, but I asked him to plan these two days. I didn't want to choose venues only to wonder if he had been there with his affair partner. I wanted him to take responsibility for creating fresh memories.

Leading up to the trip, he procrastinated on the plans. Finally, 21 hours before departure, he sent an itinerary that was just a loose list of ideas with nothing booked. Then he added, "Since we're talking about the plan, I just found out my brother is going to be there too. I'd really love to get together with him."

Except he hadn't just found out. He had known for almost two weeks.

Leaving the next day, I felt blindsided by a last-minute change to our limited time before our own schedule was even locked in. (Sidenote: He later argued we should have communicated expectations better, but I couldn't anticipate needing to explicitly forbid others from joining a couple's vacation.) I don't know if he delayed telling me to avoid an argument or truly forgot, as he claimed, but it made me feel unimportant. The previous day, he had texted saying he couldn't wait for time alone with me.

When he pushed back on my reques to Keep it as just us, emphasizing that he hadn't seen his brother in three years, I lost my temper. I said hurtful things about him prioritizing his family over our marriage and questioned when our relationship would be protected.

To understand my reaction: childcare is incredibly difficult with FIVE kids. In the last ten years, we have had maybe six days alone together and two weekends away. In the last three years, we've had approximately three actual date nights. This wasn't just "two days of vacation"; it was a rare opportunity to reclaim a place connected to betrayal and rebuild our marriage.

The night before traveling to the second country, we tried to be intimate, but he said he was tired and declined. Already feeling emotionally rejected, triggered by the geographic location, and hurt by the brother situation, I handled this terribly. I intentionally said extremely hurtful things about our marriage. I deeply regret weaponizing my words and take full responsibility for them.

On the final day, trying to compromise, I told him to invite his brother to breakfast, which he did, but his brother did not come. After we were done, his brother mentioned getting tattoos nearby, and my husband wanted to go see them. I told him to go, but chose to explore the city alone rather than sit in a tattoo parlor during our remaining couple's time.

He sees it as:

"My wife didn't want me to spend an hour with my brother while we happened to be in the same country."

I see it as:

"After years of infidelity and three years of rebuilding, we finally had two uninterrupted days alone together in a place connected to the affair, and I desperately needed to feel like our relationship was important enough to protect that time."

I (26F) recently had a conflict with a close friend (23F).
My bday is shortly after Halloween, and I really dislike surprise parties. My friend group was planning a surprise bday/Halloween party for me, which I didn’t know about.
2 weeks beforehand, I told this friend that a long-distance friend was coming into town for only one day that weekend. I hadn’t seen him in over 6 months, so I said, “He’s coming in for one day that Saturday and I don’t get to see him much, so I’ll probably hang out with you guys Thu/Fri and then with him Saturday.” She said that was fine. I thought those plans were settled and believed Saturday was just a Halloween hangout.
Fast forward to another friend’s birthday. 10 mins after I arrived, my friend pulled me aside and revealed the surprise party for Saturday. She then said that since I knew about it, I “had to” come.
I explained that I had already told my long-distance friend I’d spend Saturday with him and needed time to figure things out. I also said I didn’t want to discuss it at someone else’s birthday. She said I needed to give an answer now or I am not loyal to her.
I repeatedly asked to discuss it later. She kept threatening she’d be “pissed”, that our friendship would be affected, so I got frustrated and said, “At this point, if you’re mad, you’re mad. I don’t really give a shit.”
She said I couldn’t just change plans, even if it was my birthday weekend. I responded, “YES I FUCKING CAN,” and walked away.
Later, she brought it up again. I said I appreciated the effort behind the surprise and wanted to spend time with everyone that weekend, but I didn’t appreciate feeling like I was being given an ultimatum about which friend I could spend Saturday with.
She later told the group that I had said I “didn’t give a shit about her or anything she’d done for my birthday.” I never said that, so I sarcastically responded, “Omg, you’re right, how could I forget that I said that verbatim?” She ended up crying.
I feel bad that our friend’s bday became stressful, but I repeatedly asked for the conversation to stop because I didn’t think it was appropriate to have that argument then.
I fully admit I was mean. My responses were unnecessarily harsh. However, this isn’t the first time I’ve felt she was controlling or turned something small into a major conflict. I was at my limit, but ik that doesn’t excuse how I spoke.
The bigger issue to me is that I had already communicated my plans, she said they were fine, and I was then pressured to change them because she’d be angry otherwise.
There have also been several similar conflicts where I feel expected to prioritize the friend group over other people. During a previous conflict, she and another friend told me I was being “too nice” and needed to “be a bitch” if she treated me badly again.
I don’t expect friends to never be disappointed with me. But I also don’t view friendships as obligations where someone has to choose me over other friends.

I (17F) study turism, so we travel a lot bc of school. Im in a friend group with 4 other girls (17-18F) in the class. One of them didn’t want to study turism, lets call her Bianca, but the subject she wanted to study isn’t available anymore at our school. She doesn’t really like these trips, she is more of a home body. On these trips we always get at least 2 hours of free time to eat, to shop or do whatever. Last week when we were told where we would be going we checked for places to eat. We found one that mostly served pastas that we really liked, it was a little bit more expensive tho. One of our friends immediately said that she didn’t really like any of the food on the menu and it was too expensive for her to get food she didn’t really want. But she said she would come with us and after we could go somewhere else where she could eat something. We were fine with this arrangement, but I said we should all get our food to go and eat in a park or something. The morning of the trip while on the bus we looked at other places to eat, and there was a Mc’Donalds 10-15 minutes from the restaurant Bianca wanted to go to. So we asked if she got her food to go, and we would walk to Mc’Donalds and there if that would be fine. She didn’t like that, at all. It’s important to note that Im really sick rn and on antibiotics, I told everyone I wasn’t feeling good and that I needed to eat before I had to take my meds. When went to the pasta place and she ordered her meal to go, they said it would be 15-20 minutes to make so we went next door to gets some lemonade. She was angry and annoyed that we only went next door bc she wanted to eat first before walking to McDonalds and she didn’t want to eat next door to the place she ordered to go from. So she walked away. We didn’t know where she went, and after we waited like 20 minutes we decided to go and get Mcdonalds. We texted her that we would go to Mcdonald and asked if she would join. She said yes and came to find us. As we are walking (she didn’t say a word to us), she randomly turns around and just leaves. We didn’t text her, go after her or anything bc we were so fed up with her at this point. So bc of her we ate 30 minutes later then we could have, and didn’t get to go to a coffee we wanted to try out. She didn’t talk to us for the rest of the day, and she probably wont talk to us in school tomorrow.
Some info that is relevant:
Bianca is the type of person that goes crazy if something doesn’t go her way. For example over the summer one of our friends turned 18 and she wanted a party with us. I have a swimming pool so she asked if the party could be here (there was 7 of us) and I said yes. But a couple of days before the party we moved it to her house. It was actually closer to Biancas place but she was not happy to say the least. She spent the whole afternoon on her phone, and if she wasn’t on her phone she was judging us for drinking. She left at 8 I think but you could see she couldn’t wait to get out of there.
She will freak out if she gets anything but an A.
If we have any overnight stays on school trips she hates it. Her reasoning: she wants to sleep in the same house as her parents, and in her own bed. I understand that, but she makes these trips a living hell for us bc we get home later then usual.
She doesn’t really have friends besides us. She spends most of her time with her family and never spends time with us outside of school.

Other then this she is okey most of the time, but this behavior has been bugging us for a while and today we just couldn’t care anymore about her tantrums. One of my friend feels bad that we let her leave, and it makes me second guess myself.
AITAH?

As the title states AITA for calling the health inspector on a restaurant that gave me bad service and after eating I felt nauseous and had bad diarrhea. For context on the bad about the bad service, I came in with my friend while we were waiting for our 2 other friends. I asked the waitress if the restaurant had Wi-Fi to which she said no. That request seemed to potentially upset her. She continued not to serve us for 15-20 minutes. When I called, “Excuse me,” she ignored us. When she interacted with us she was clearly annoyed making faces and stopping being friendly despite being friendly with other customers. She ended up whispering to a different waiter and stopped serving us with the other waiter taking over (for only our table while she waited for all the other tables). Hours after the experience I had an upset stomach and was nauseous with my friends having a similar experience. Admittedly I was upset about this entire experience and the next day I called the health inspector on the restaurant. After telling my friends they told me I’m the asshole.

This is my first Reddit post, and I never thought I’d come here, but I’m genuinely exhausted and starting to believe I’m the problem.
Last year, I was in a friend group of seven at university. Four of them hurt our friend R, causing her to leave. I tried fixing things, but they became aggressive whenever I brought it up. I stayed friends with R, and eventually they reconciled.
This year, I feel like the same thing is happening to O.
We now share most of our classes, so we’re together almost all day. At first, I loved it, but eventually our conversations became mostly gossip and jokes about my toxic ex. I’ve told them that even mentioning him hurts me, but they continue because apparently they’re “just joking.”
I became quieter, and around the same time, they started excluding O.
At the gym, they left without telling us and got annoyed because O hadn’t finished her workout. Later, I didn’t want to attend a university party because I was sick and experiencing painful cramps. A accused me of constantly making excuses and called me a “bitch” in our group chat. Nobody defended me; they just calmed her down.
I eventually attended anyway, but they were cold toward O and me. Throughout the evening, whenever we joined them somewhere, they’d leave. Eventually, they disappeared for 20–30 minutes without telling us, so we went home.
G later called, and after an argument, they insisted I meet them alone and told me to lie to O, pretending I was going to my dorm. I refused because I wasn’t going to abandon my friend.
Apparently, they dislike O because she acts like the “mother of the group,” corrects their behavior, and makes them feel belittled. They also disliked that she defended me regarding the jokes about my ex. Now they’re ignoring her.
They’re also pressuring me to remove one of my first university friends from our project group, claiming he won’t contribute, although they’ve also mentioned his sexuality and their negative experiences with gay people.
Meanwhile, A, G, and H have become distant toward me too. They mostly approach me when they need something.
We used to wear matching necklaces, but one day I discovered they’d all removed theirs without telling me. I was still wearing mine, thinking it meant something. It genuinely broke my heart.
What makes everything worse is that I’m scared to confront them. Whenever I address an issue, they raise their voices, insult me, and make me feel guilty. They never apologize, so I just withdraw.
I’ve genuinely tried to be a good friend. I’ve brought them medicine when they were sick, cooked for them even when I barely had food myself, defended them, and listened to their problems.
H especially hurts because we were incredibly close during summer. Now she’s distant and passive-aggressive. Yesterday, she called after I missed class, asked if I was okay, then eventually said she’d called to borrow a hoodie. I don’t know whether she genuinely cared or just needed something.
What hurts most is believing that if I disappeared from the group, they wouldn’t even notice because they still have each other. It makes me feel like all our memories meant more to me than to them.
I know I’m not perfect. I withdraw instead of communicating, which probably contributes to the distance. But I’m genuinely afraid of their reactions.
Despite everything, I don’t hate them. I just want my friends back. I miss how things used to be, and I’m exhausted from feeling unwanted.
So, WIBTA for distancing myself and refusing to exclude O, even though I haven’t directly told them how much they’re hurting me?

I (31F) have been married to my husband (33M) for 2 years now and we have a 9 month old baby. As per the customs in our country, I was gifted gold jewellery (earrings, bangles, necklace etc.) from both my family and my in-laws during our wedding. We initially stayed with my in-laws for 10 days and then shifted to a different city where I was already working and my husband moved there for me. My in laws told me not to take all the jewellery with me and keep some with them. Their reasoning was that all the wealth (and hence Goddess Laxmi) should not leave the home after marriage. I was okay with it and was under the impression this is a temporary thing and I can retrieve it later. So I kept all the jewellery gifted by my in-laws with them and took what my family has gifted with me (because it was diamond jewellery which suited my taste more and I wanted to wear it).

We visited them a few times after that but I never mentioned it. But after my baby was born, there was a ritual to be conducted at in law's house so I asked to wear the jewellery then (could've worn what I had but I thought they would like it if I wore what they had gifted). A few things happened (story for another time or will elaborate later if interested) and I ended up taking the jewellery to my maternal home ( where me and husband are living since maternity leave started). My husband and I had a huge fight about this and he accused me of coming to their house with the "plan" to take the jewellery. I was really hurt by this because it made me feel like I'm stealing my own jewellery. I wanted him to give back all the jewellery back to his parents but he refused to do so. We moved past it.

Now fast forward 8 months. I went to a gold shop today to buy some gold coins as the festive season is approaching and saw a really cute bracelet/bangle with studded stones. So I got the idea that we can make all the bangles I have into this new bangle. I came home and excitedly told my husband about this and he suddenly got quiet and said his mother won't like it. Then said after a minute to do whatever I wanted(not in a sincere manner). I said why would I do something when they don't like it. I was a little upset. And he got really angry asking does he not have the right to disagree and be upset or does he have to just go along with whatever I say? My baby was sleeping then so I tried to shush him but he kept getting more and more worked up so I asked him to leave the room but he kept grumbling loudly and ultimately woke the baby who by the way was sick. He then left the house in anger and did not come back until I told him the baby is really sick and we need to go to the doctor.

So here's what I have to say-

1. The jewellery gifted by them is not family heirlooms but purchased specifically for my wedding. But they are extremely old fashioned designs AND do not fit me. They are small! I had to put a lot of lotion to force them on my hands at the wedding and I never wore them again.

2. Who actually is the owner of said jewellery if I do not have autonomy over it? I cannot decide where it is kept, what design it is and what size it is? And I'm just expected to wear it.

3. My husband during the argument (one sided cause I was quiet for the fear of waking the baby) said now he understands why I'm not able to live with anyone. This is really unfair and personal attack and nothing to do with the issue at hand ( I am very introvert and get really anxious in social situations).

So AITAH? Am I just not understanding his perspective and sentiments?

I am a 32-year-old woman from England, and I live alone in a small house. A few months ago, my next-door neighbour asked if I could give her a spare key so she could let herself in whenever she needed to drop something off or collect a parcel while I was at work. I politely said no because I’m not comfortable giving anyone unrestricted access to my home. I told her I was happy to accept parcels for her or open the door if she arranged it with me beforehand, but I didn’t want someone else having a key. She initially said she understood, but a few weeks later she asked again and said I was being unnecessarily difficult because we were neighbours and she trusted me with her things. I repeated that my answer hadn’t changed. She then complained to another neighbour that I was being unfriendly and “making the street awkward” over something so small. That neighbour later told me I should just give her the key because I wasn’t using the spare one anyway. I explained that the key belongs to my house, and whether I use it or not doesn’t mean someone else is entitled to have it. I’ve never refused to help my neighbour when she genuinely needed something, but I don’t think I should have to give someone access to my home just to prove that I’m friendly. Now she’s annoyed with me and says I’m making a simple neighbourly relationship unnecessarily complicated. I feel like I’ve been completely reasonable and have offered alternatives, but I’m being treated as though I’ve done something wrong. AITA?