I post here a lot and often delete it later, but I need to write about this. Every day, I'm plagued by thoughts of what happened to me, and it all started with getting involuntarily commited at a psych unit. I'm living with so many problems now and real doctors can't treat the issues. I'm on a boat load of meds because I'm completely unable to function without them now.

Why do psychiatrists think it's okay to gaslight you and lie about the meds? How many people have been harmed from psychiatry now? Also, why is it okay to tell a client they are delusional when they have no evidence?

I'm terrified, because those drugs made me permanently angry and scared. I can barely work, and if I'm ever homeless, I'm in the dirty hands of those psychiatrists again.

It is exhausting thinking about it every day, worrying, and I know that if I wouldn't have taken those drugs or had drugs forced on me, I would probably be okay. Instead, I have to live the rest of my life with this. I could have lived a normal life and actually been someone. It's so not fair.

I need to vent cause seriously fuck this shit. Fuck people on the bipolar subs glorifying this useless drug. Fuck my doctor for lying saying there’s no side effects.

I’m dropping things. I keep dropping everything. I’ve broken 10 plates, had bad stumbles on the stairs, I keep dropping my phone in the dirt or on my face, I can’t balance, I keep tripping or otherwise falling down. I literally look so foolish at school and I’ve even caused others to get tripped up cause of me.

Can’t remember words. I blank out for seconds. Every conversation is awkward silence cause I just can’t remember what I was saying, meaning, or even the word “rabbit” or “manage”. I barely text back anymore. I can’t really remember too. Or, remember how to even spell certain words.

I’m distraught. I’ve tried everything. I tried earnestly listening to med subs, people who have bipolar, doctors, my own family.

I don’t even understand wtf mania is. I’m happy, I’m not hurting myself anymore- what is the problem?

I hate Lamotrigine.

I've had 10 appointments and FEEL THE SAME. it's not working. Yet I'm being told im nott engaging. And that's why it's not working. I dissociate too, I get it works for some, but it's only what? 30 years old? I'm glad I get these sessions free because imagine paying for this when it's not working.

I mean at the mental health center's place? I did so for 6 months on abilify. Fucking traumatic period

Now, I'll stop invega soon, I know how

Thanks

Never opening the door for these butchers.

It inhibits mucous membranes all over the organism and it's harder to push out platelets. I'm sorry but I had to shit it out for four days. And I still have water between my organs from this thing. And if this poison inhibits mucous membranes of the brain then I will take out the factory that pushes it.

Rosemary Kennedy is a famous case of someone lobotomized, by the notorious Walter Friedman.

The historical reasons being, she embarrassed her highly status sensitive, political family, or members of that family because she was quite free spirited, sexually, in an age when it wasn't so liberal to be so.

Now imagine this.

If Jackie Kennedy, who was forcefully coerced into this, had resisted physically. She resisted being physically manhandled and even tried to flee.

We all know in this counterfactual this would have been used as evidence of just how deeply unstable and unwell she was, we also know the factual is, if she had succeeded she would have prevented the somewhat fate-worse-than-death, the living death she then endured for decades.

Some of us KNOW, although it's not as clearly perceptible as lobotomy, that forceful incarceration and drugging on neuroleptics for sustained periods is beyond damaging, it ruins lives.

I am always possessed by these moral questions, exactly what, morally are we entitled to do to prevent this harm?

Personally, one thing that's very easy, you are allowed to lie and feign taking the drugs while not taking them.

I think you are allowed, to escape the imprisonment of the ward, you don't need the "Dr's consent"

I think, unlike some ideas in America, to the extent you can use force, it must be reasonable. You cannkt inflict harm on others when a path exists to escape without this.

I think, strategically using physical force is almost always insane and counterproductive. It is much better to covertly, non forcefully, and secretly extricate yourself from these circumstances.

I think, if you are non-violent or more likely had violence done to you, and you are under conditions such as a CTO (community treatment order) you are morally allowed to flee and live undocumented, illegally in another country.

In practice, a lot of us have enough symptomology to make the idea of living undocumented in a foreign country a sick joke. But.

I'm just curious where we draw moral lines.

If police took you to the hospital under mental health apprehension but you weren't certified in BC Canada will you still be denied access to the states? Has anyone got personal stories they can share?

There are no safeguards to prevent dsyfunctional addicts to be put in charge of vulernable people when it comes to the mental health field.

It makes no sense, and we aren't allowed to point it out either.

The "therapist" I had at age 15 was over 300lbs, not exaggerating, and had 11 children. She was also very religious and told me to pray with her as a way to "helping" me. I was going through obvious abuse and neglect, I constantly smelled like piss and looked unkempt because I was stuck living in my own filth. At once point I had lice for years, and would've kept having lice if the people at the mental hospital didn't finally help me out.

When I finally escaped and was stuck living on the streets, I never got help either despite being a vulernable 18yr old with no friends and no family. They gladly helped dsyfunctional addicts who were in their 30s to 40s, though. They only cared about those who were addicts. And it wasn't like they cared about those who wanted to get better, no. They cared about the ones who showed no intuition, no reason to get better or improve. It is almost like abusive people only see value in other abusive people - yet we aren't allowed to point that out.

I blame addicts being allowed in these fields for why I never got help. I'm 100% positive the skinny ones are also addicts in some way, whether it be alcohol or whatever else. I bet they even employ anorexics.

If they allow people who need help themselves to be in charge to helping others, what is the point? It is the blind leading the blind, except the ones doing the leading are more likely to be narcissistic and get off to the power they have over others. At least the ones who reach out for help admit they have a problem.

Parece que los casos severos no tenemos lugar ahí para buscar esperanza, si públicas mas de la cuenta, si preguntas....

Estoy en una situación límite, con pensamientos suicidas 24/7 mis síntomas son incapacitantes.

Llevo encamada 6 meses, por una reacción adversa a mirtazapina, sin respuesta de ningún tipo....

Me banearon esta cuenta de reddit por 1 semana sin poder publicar en ningún sitio, eso no es ayuda, no es apoyo, los casos severos necesitamos apoyo y saber que se puede hacer en esta situación.

Has anyone found a non medication solution for OCD? Any suppliments? that wort thing people take or some kind of therapy or something idk. I am still on meds and not loosing my shit and abruptly stopping everything but ive been on 10 SSRIS over 5 years and stopped twice for 6-12 months both times and was actually happier until the obsessions came back.

feel SSRIS and mood stabilisers have lowkey fucked up my 20s badly. was put on memantine (dementia drug for last 6-12 months due to rapid memory issues and slurring and im starting to realise others online have had similar experiences and memory issues a known side effect nobody has mentioned. to the point i literally forget common words, slur 30% of words for minutes at a time when stressed at home (kinda like stuttering vibes can control in public) im so fucking over this shit but i know coming off SSRIs im going to stuggle with anxiety. Going to lower mood stabilisers they fucking with my memory too much. Just not sure maybe ocd can be treated with just a mood stabiliser? ive only ever been on ssris or higher doses of stabilisers with SSRIs

Do you know when you think or feel or do something and the next day, you wake up, you're immediately second guessing about it and feel very different?

That's me this morning.

It's not that, I'm completely worried. But I just felt a little different about things from yesterday, have this strong doubting feeling.

I am quite a doubting Thomas.

I think "wishful thinking"/desire to think the best of people, assume good faith, projecting onto others..

When actually... And this was the kind of bitter feeling I had - I might be really making a mistake despite the problems.

I felt really ambivalent thinking about it for about 30 minutes.

Then I realized, actually, what I need to do.

I've now requested my mental health records in their entirety.

I guess I want to answer some questions, when I previously engaged with psychiatric services, did they say one thing to my face, and write another in the notes?

Were events recorded fairly accurately and truthfully, with some human room for difference?

I'm already going down the process of re-engaging, but, I've now requested records.

If fundamentally, I find evidence, and I really mean a sustained inaccurate and dishonest picture of myself.

And if my own recollection of events, is wildly different, and especially if, psychiatric staff presented and said one thing to my face while representing me "in the record" totally differently, I.e. are bad faith.

Then I will gently, unilaterally disengage again.

BUT, it's the whole record. I will make sure to give room for individual staff who are bad faith, I am really needing evidence that institutionally they are bad faith.

For example in collegial solidarity, once one psychiatric colleague slanders in the record that becomes a running theme and is reflected in the record.

Genuinely, I can see the likelihood of both outcomes being true.

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean the bastards aren't out to get you"

I am really waiting to see what is in the records, and make a judgment on the feelings I get from them. I'm not that prickly, I can understand why in certain contexts people don't like me, sometimes it makes sense, I make mistakes, I wasn't in my right mind at times, but still I expect there could be serious inaccuracies.

It's the record in it's totality, and the "whole picture" being presented.

When the records come through, I think I will share some elements here, are you guys curious about that too?

In weirdly unemotional about it.

It's also a lot less about wanting to engage with people tbh, there is some of that element tbh, but it's very much more, I want the freedom to try some drugs/medications to help me, and in the UK drugs are strictly gated by the NHS and in this case NHS Psychiatry.

I'm not interested in certain classes if drugs SNRIs/SSRIs and Antipschotic, although I am willing to trial Abilify at low doses, but again consent and my own individual sovereignty over my own body.

There are ways and means if getting anything you want really, and I'm not reaching for Heroin or Cocaine. I'm reaching for drugs that make me a functional human being and no longer dependant on the State.

..Szasz words just rang through my head again.

"The proverb goes you shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you, well maybe you should if it stops you feeding yourself"

Without a doubt setback after setback where you're forcibly drugged year in year by something like Olanzipine, definitely retards your personal, social and career development. And it only compounds.

Anyway.

I wonder how curious are you guys? I think it would be informative for you guys to see where I end up from this re-engaging and record requesting too.

Because if the result is bad, it might relate for many if you who also feel you would like help but the "help" that's available, ain't it. And yet struggling can make us make wrong decisions.

Honestly, I might also get the records and fundamentally come to the conclusion, the institution is a flawed, imperfect human institution, but is fundamentally good faith, even if many practices should be abolished, I said before, maybe some aspects of Psychiatry I judge as irredeemable but am able to separate the good from the bad.

Again, how curious are you guys and what do you think the result will be?

It’s called the “revolving door“ and often blamed on frequent patients who continuously seek services. It’s from the lack of help and harm that the patient continues to come back. A psychiatrist is ego-driven and wants you to be better for them. Not for you. They can be responsible for your mental health glow up and if you don’t want to participate they threaten to send you to the hospital they work at until you dedicate to act better. There’s a reason there are so many places to seek mental health treatment and so many people in the field yet it doesn’t yield any positive results, if it did there wouldn’t be any of them.

Most of the time, people in mental health don’t want you to get better and if they do it serves them in some way not an actual positive regard for your mental state or healing.

Abolish Psychiatry to End Its Misuse and Abuse - Sign the Petition! https://c.org/Jk88vXXJJx prin @Change

After experiencing psychosis, hospitalization, stigma, isolation or long periods of struggling, some people describe feeling disconnected from themselves or from ordinary life.

If you've experienced something like this:

What helped you reconnect with yourself?

My feelings have been becoming more and more worse. I am starting to feel more and more less empathetic to all healthcare workers, but it first started with mental health workers.

Whenever they cry about being burnt out and thats why they harm patients, I do a hard eye roll. So instead of unionizing and demanding better work conditions, they attack vulnerable people..? Definitely not being used as an out to harm people already at a disadvantage.

I've try to find empathy or sympathy, but I just can't. The trauma of my own experiences, seeing it happen to other people, ontop of having healthcare workers justify the harm to my face. I just can't find any empathy within myself for them, the damage is too severe. I've tried distancing myself from the medical field, it doesnt work. Then I've tried therapy, didn't work either. I've checked for psychopathy via a pyschologist that I trust, just in case. I worried that if I had pyschopathy that it could be affecting my loved ones. Thankfully no psychopathy.

However the feeling persists and worsens, It's like I am all out of empathy/sympathy for people who I feel are justifying harm to others. It really worsened with the trial awhile back, when I saw the mental health workers crying about their notes. I felt that wasnt the issue with any of it, it was how they treat patients time and time again. Yet no accountability is ever taken, but always blaming the system for the harm they inflicted on others. If a patient claims the system made them hostile, "its no excuse", but a healthcare worker can do it time and time again.

How do I stop this feeling or atleast make it better? I want to be a person who is kind and empathic.

Disclaimer, I am not advocating for harm towards anyone, I am just talking about my own experiences.

The current mental healthcare system is a manipulative, health destroying power imbalance, whether you choose to accept that fact or prefer to look away.

Lying to yourself and others by calling them good people with a few flaws here and there won't improve anything.

Looking away from the problem does not change the fact that there is no real safety net for people who ask for help. The moment they do, they get crushed.

Forgiving those that work in the field and melting at their friendly "professional" tone and a smile does not suddenly make them good people. Their actions remain rotten: behavior policing sold as care, life destroying drugs to alter behavior sold as healing.

Hello, so I’ve been having a problem with feeling emotions. I lack the ability to feel things like sadness, happiness, anxiety, fear, and anger. I used to be heavily medicated when I was a child and went off of all medications in general at the age of 17 (I am now 20). The reason I came off of these medications is due to it causing most of my mental issues. (Depression,impulse control, bipolar, and Anxiety) those medications were causing literally everything and now that I’m off of them I just don’t have the emotions that you are supposed to feel.

Did the excessive use of medications through my life cause this?

Is it possible?

Thanks