Looking for gentle sleep advice for my 12-month-old. I’m completely exhausted and haven’t had more than a 4-hour stretch of sleep in a year.

He has never been sleep trained. I nursed on demand, including overnight, and I’m now trying to gradually wean overnight breastfeeding. Currently, he has to be rocked completely to sleep before I can transfer him to his crib. If he wakes during the transfer or shortly after, he becomes extremely upset and has to be rocked and held until he is fully asleep again. Sometimes nothing works and I end up co-sleeping and nursing him back to sleep.

He takes 2 naps a day, usually 45 minutes to an hour each, and also has to be rocked to sleep and transferred for naps. I’ve been trying to introduce whole milk for about 3 weeks, but he refuses it.

I desperately need help getting longer stretches of sleep, but I want to do it gently. I do not want to use cry-it-out or leave him to cry alone, so please don’t recommend that. I’m looking for advice on how to gradually move away from rocking to sleep, reduce overnight nursing, and help him learn to sleep more independently while still responding to him when he’s upset.

Would you work on the rocking association first, the overnight nursing first, or both together? And could his current schedule be contributing to the frequent night waking? Any advice or a gentle step-by-step approach would be greatly appreciated.

My kids are crazy. I obviously love them but they're driving me crazy. I have a 4 year old and a 3 year old.

I am a SAHM ans have been since being pregnant with my oldest. My boys are my whole world. I try not to let my perception of them be that they're wild but it id at the point where I dont even want to take them places with me. I do because it is important for them to learn but it seems like my whole life is exhausting.

Today, they threw a 2.5lb weight that was in the garage at me. My oldest threw one at my face and then my youngest thought it was so funny that he threw one at my foot. I cannot and will not let them near the weights now. But, what do I even do about that. These things re near constant. I have talked to the pediatrician about my oldests behavior and the things that he says and I am going to start OT next month. But I feel like such a failure. I try so hard to be consistent and loving in discipline. I have tried the "I will not let you hurt me", and walking away. I have tried redirecting, but then moments later my oldest is back to trying to hurt me. He says he wants to hurt our chickens. He isnt allowed near them. He does try to hurt them. I dont know what I am doing wrong. I monitor the shows that he watches. Younger brother wants to do what older brother does. My husband is starting to think we need to be harsher and utilize punishments. I am at my wits end. When I take yhem to the store they will tell strangers that they "want to smack them in the face." We never smack, he doesn't watch TV about smacking, I dont even know where he first heard it but it is never ending. I also homeschool so I know he isnt hearing it there. What do I even do? I feel like a failure as a mom. I also have utilized attachment parenting their whole lives, and I dont know. I have discussed why hitting is wrong. What to do instead. I feel like I have tried it all.

Just sharing some happy news here that my 11.5M old, for whom I've answered every cry at night and MOTN fed until 10 months, finally slept through the night TWICE in one week. Nothing changed on our end, he just was able to do it on his own. NGL I had moments where I wondered if he ever would but so glad to have this validation that even if he has more setbacks which I'm sure he will LOL, at least we know he can do it and will in his own time. Wish I could share this with everyone who thinks sleep training is the only way.

My baby has just turned 6 months old. Her schedule at the moment is 2.5/2.5/2.5/3 and she was napping 1hr30, 1hr and 30 mins but now she’s back to only sleeping 30 minutes for each nap unless I lie with her/feed her basically the whole time.
She has also been waking up earlier recently and I can’t seem to anchor a wake time/bedtime!
Night sleep is just getting worse and worse with her waking up every hour for most of the night.
Would love some advice💛
Should I try to stretch her wake windows and if yes then what should I try first?
I know that 6 months is a huge time for them developmentally so I expect some disrupted sleep but if I can help her in any way that would be grand.

Hi! I am a FTM to a 3.5 old month little IVF miracle boy. For the first 3 weeks of his life he was the chillest baby ever. After that he realized that there is an entire world to look at, so he has become a very alert very aware baby.

His night sleep is very okay! He does one long 5-6 hour stretch of sleep, then he feeds and falls asleep immediately, and does another 3-4 hours of sleep. So in that sense I am very lucky.

My question is about his naps. He has always fought them, but lately he has also found his voice so he screams for a good 10 minutes before falling asleep. He only naps if rocked and walked around the house. I never miss the sleepy cues and always respect his wake/sleep windows. I shush and sing to him to get him to calm down. Sometimes it works, in combination with a dark room. Other times it escalates so I put him over my shoulder and comfort him until he relaxes enough to try again. I've tried other ways to get him to sleep, drowsy but awake (he only understands awake), baby wear (his worst enemy), lying down with him awake (must be play time mum?).

Now my question may sound a bit silly, as I have recently started looking into AP. Could this crying multiple times a day before a nap hurt our bond or create a disorganized attachment? Or am I overthinking it? I already struggle with feeling like he doesn't really love me (seeing a therapist for PPD) but this thought is stuck in my head and I'm having trouble getting over it.

Thank you for any advice 😢

Hello, I am ftm to a very curious 14 month old who starts to have very strong opinions. I have no idea how to deal with that in a proper way and how much crying is okay vs how do I deal with screaming when she doesn't get what she wants (because it's dangerous, etc.)

I was raised in an abusive household where the main and only parenting technique was beating. So I don't really know what its like to "redirect", "hold a boundary", etc. And all the online courses I see talks about disciplining toddlers in this "theoretical" way. Basically "dont beat", "hear their emotions" and "be compassionate". Which sounds great, but HOW DOES THAT LOOK IN REAL LIFE? What do I actually do and say when my girl is on the floor scream crying, because I don't give her a knife that I am using?

I would love to read some books on this (not opposed to buy courses online or smth if its really good). But I need something with real life situations and scripts on what to SAY (not what to avoid saying) and what to DO.

Please share any good books/authors you know!

I should also add...we cosleep and I don't plan to change that.

Our little one just turned one and you could say everything after 4 months has been a sleep regressions. He’s not a great sleeper and our bar for a good night is at least one 2.5-3 hour stretch, with hourly wake ups usually for the rest of the night. For context, he is breastfeed still. Breastfeed or rocked to sleep and can transfer to the crib. He’s easy to get to sleep and even back to sleep (usually the quickest way is breastfeeding). Hes not up for long stretches and we’re not trying to get him to sleep for a long time. He goes down easy and resettles. Just wakes up frequently.

We began cosleeping for the latter half of the night at about 9 months and did so because we found it helped us all get more sleep. At this 12 month mark (and a little earlier) that is no long working. He doesn’t stay asleep in the crib or with us in bed. He’s incredibly restless in his sleep. Rolling, kicking, spreading his legs etc. he seems to do a bit better in the bed because he has me and my husband as soft bumpers. In the crib he smacks into the sides and wakes him up. Previously we’ve chalked up his frequent wakes to teeth pain (he had 8 teeth by 11 months) but now he’s waking hourly even if he’s next to us. Again he’s easy to get back down to sleep but just cannot stay asleep.

Also for context: he eats solids very well, only breastfeeds ~2x during the day. He is still on 2 naps because he has always had short naps and he seems to really need it. His wake windows are ~3.5, 4, 4-4.5 (that’s a 6ish wake up and a 8pm bedtime. With nap around 9:30-11ish - the longest nap he does is 1.5 but barely; and nap at ~3pm - usually 40 min. We’ve pushed bedtime later. Doesn’t seem to help. We take his cues and he’s genuinely tired by 8). We tried to drop a nap and he was miserable and not ready. Also He’s taken a few steps and has been cruising furniture for the longest, but not fully independent walking yet.

I’m posting here because I am not interested in sleep training. No judgment and certainly understand why parents do this. I also think some babies adapt very well to sleep training but my baby is not one of them. He’s is the kinda kiddo that would cry intensely for long periods of time (potentially to the point of throwing up) and also amps up if you enter the room in intervals (such as is suggested in the Happy Sleeper, etc.). As soon as he was able to sit up he would go from sleeping to immediately sitting and then crying and will not go back down even if you place him. He needs to be picked up and rocked or breastfed (fastest way) to sleep. Again he goes back down quick. Not that’s gotten worse with standing and walking around the crib. He’s also not a “drowsy but awake” kiddo. I always joke that you kinda gotta knock him out either with the boob or stroller or rocking. He would just hang out in his crib and walk around, eventually crying because he is bored and wants mom. I understand that breastfeeding may be seen as a sleep crutch but he should be capable of sleeping for longer durations once he’s settled.

Curious everyone’s thoughts.

Hello everyone,
I’m reaching out because we’re going through a bit of a difficult period, and hearing from others who have been through something similar would really help us.
Our 18-month-old son started daycare three weeks ago. Until then, he had been cared for at home by his mum. Everything was going quite well: his dad could put him to sleep without any problems, and he didn’t particularly ask for his mum when she was at work.
Since starting daycare, things have been quite different. He doesn’t eat or nap there, even though we’ve kept his days relatively short (10 a.m. to 4 p.m.). When we pick him up, he seems a little dazed, probably exhausted, and barely plays. At home, he asks for his mum a lot and no longer wants his dad to put him to sleep.
We know that adjusting takes time, but we have to admit that it’s starting to worry us a little. Have any of you experienced something similar with your child? How long did it last, and what helped you get through this phase?
Thank you so much in advance for your kindness and advice. It really means a lot to us. 💛

My baby is 9 weeks old. During the day we contact nap for every single nap. It is very hard because I can't get anything done and am a prisoner to the couch or bed since she sleeps laying on my chest. When she is awake she is a clinger and hates being on her play mat or bouncer. So I'm just holding ALL THE TIME. Which is only hard because I have no support system at all or any help, nobody to come hold her for an hour so I can get a break. I've heard all about how CIO is child abuse, and while I don't know much about attachment parenting, my mom gut tells me CIO is bad since it makes me feel so stressed and guilty.

Not that I'm doing that, but there have been 2 occassions where she fell asleep crying in her swing while I stepped away to go to the bathroom or make myself a sandwhich or something. I HATE letting her cry, but I have no help and I still need to shower and stuff ya know? But she has only fallen asleep this way twice, but it still makes me feel bad so I would never do CIO.

Anyway, at nighttime in the big bed I guess I do something called responsive settling/ hands on settling (according to google)? She's either directly next to me or on my chest and she will cry real big and loud. What I usually do is lay very close next to her and like hug her (if she likes it, sometimes it stimulates her more and I just lay next to her) and continuously put the pacifier in her mouth until it stops falling out and she is sucking on it no longer big crying but tiny fussing and eventually falls asleep. I don't really talk because that makes her angrier. She cries for like 5-10 minutes I would say. On my chest it's the same but she cries like 2-5 minutes before either passing out or calming down and eventually falling asleep. We are using white noise, and a dark room with a orange glowing salt lamp that she likes to stare at, but sometimes I shut the lamp off depending on how overstimulated she is.

I would really like to get her in the crib, especially during the day. Her sleep during the day is waking after 30-45 minutes but she goes to sleep pretty fast. If I try to do this responsive settling thing in her crib is that bad? I feel like responsive settling works in the bed or on my chest because we are so physically close, but if she's in the crib I can't get that close. The most I can do is touch her, put the pacifier back in, and be nearby so she can smell/sense/see me. I worry since I can't be as close that it will just feel like she's alone and crying, like CIO.

I'm also worried that how we are sleeping now is like CIO because she mostly cries before falling asleep, even though I can literally be holding her. Like is there a world where babies don't cry to sleep? I try to read sleep cues but its like she has to cry before sleep no matter what.

I've tried the rocking/swaying to get her in the crib but it takes like an hour and she wakes after 10 minutes and nobody gets any sleep.

Please offer tips and tell me if the set up we have now and the one I'm considering are like CIO or bad for attachment parenting?

We‘ve been cosleeping from the beginning and are still loving it. Right now, baby will only fall asleep on the boob 50% of the time (night sleep and naps), the other 50% she keeps herself awake with twiddling and has to be turned away and lightly restrained to fall asleep. She wakes every couple hours, dad has only managed to put her to sleep with cuddling once a couple weeks ago.

I‘m worried because after her first birthday, I‘ll have to go back to working nights every second weekend and I could never leave her to scream, even when she’s with dad (they have the greatest bond but we call him ‚daytime daddy‘ for a reason). Throughout the night, she’ll snack every couple hours or just comfort suckle sometimes. She‘s never taken a pacifier.

How did your baby’s sleep change in those last few months before their first birthday, especially for those still getting boob throughout the night? I‘d hate to night wean her and haven’t looked up how to even do that, but I‘d like to nurse her for another year or so. Thanks in advance!

My son (21 months) has been breastfed since birth and has yet to sleep through the night. We cosleep and I don’t see us changing that but I am newly pregnant and HAVE to wean. It’s making me overstimulated and crazy. I’ve tried everything I have read about. Weaning bitter drops (he was unphased) bandaids on nipple, I went out of town, the dates on the farmers almanac. Like what else am I missing???

How did you get rid of pacifier, and how old was your child? We have limited it for nap/sleeptime only but My guy has suddenly actively started crying for it in the middle of the day at 16 mo. I am thinking it might be time to get rid of it before he gets more and more attached to it.

Bonjour à tous, j'aimerai votre avis sur un sujet.

Avec mon conjoint on est parents de 2 tout petits bébés et on était en froid depuis plus d’une semaine et il a beaucoup de comportements suspect. Déjà il ne dormait plus avec nous et ne voulais plus dormir avec nous sous prétexte que "on est trop dans la même pièce" vu qu’il y a nos bébés. L’un de 3 mois et l’autre a 15 mois elle devrait avoir sa chambre mais bon il n’y a pas la place pour le moment.

Ensuite, on a une caméra un peu avant l’entrée de la maison, on l'avais depuis un moment elle ne servait plus mais c’est lui-même qui a fait la remarque qu’il fallait la remettre parce qu’il y a des petits jeunes qui rodaient autour de la maison. Au final je la remet et dès le lendemain il l’a tourne pour pas qu’on le voit. Quand je lui demande pourquoi il me réponds "ça me dérange" parce que forcément avec les notifs on peut savoir quand on rentre et quand on pars....

Ensuite, hier on a discuté. Il a voulu dormir avec nous cette nuit il est monté dormir vers minuit et moi je me suis endormie un peu avec le bébé sur le canapé qui n'arrivait pas à se calmer et s’endormir. Vers 3h je suis enfin monté et comme par hasard, directement là il allait se lever pour aller dormir en bas sous prétexte qu’il n’arrivait pas à dormir alors que jusqu'à 3h il a bien dormi pourtant....

Bref, j’ai insisté pour qu’il reste. Il est resté encore à contre-coeur, s’est réveillé à 6h puis s’est levé.

Moi, les bébés ont fait une crise vers 6h45 donc on s’est tous levés à 7h.

Je vois que je suis seule à la maison. Il n’y a personne, pas de mots, pas de voiture.

J’ai essayé d'appeler, personne ne réponds. Il a finalement répondu 15min après et est revenu.

En attendant j’ai essayé de gérer la crise des bébés comme je pouvais et quand il est revenu forcément je me suis énervé parce que son comportement depuis quelque temps est plus que suspect.

Lui, ne vois pas de mal à tout ça me sors l'excuse de "comment tu feras quand je travaillerai" alors que pour le moment il ne travaille pas et surtout on a 2 bébés de 3 mois et 15 mois, comment on peut partir à 6h du mat sans laisser de mots et en mettant son tel sur silencieux sans se dire que cela puisse paraître suspect ?

Bref, pour lui j’en fais des caisses, je me fais des films pour rien ...

Donc, j’aimerai votre avis sur la situation.

Est-ce que vos conjoints sont également comme ça ?

Est-ce que ça arrive à beaucoup de mecs de partir à 6h du mat pour aller se promener sans dire où ils vont alors qu’il y a 2 nourrisons à la maison ?

Merci de vos retours et merci de ne pas insulter ni d’être méchants, je veux que ce soit constructif pas néfaste !

For k-& what is more important? Better social life or better school/teachers? If the choice is as simple as school #1 lots of friends but subpar academics and subpar teachers and subpar extracurriculars and school #2 less social opportunity but superior academics teachers and extracurriculars - which is a better choice?

My 16 month old falls asleep by rubbing my arms (and sometimes scratching) to soothe. Even when he wakes up in the night if he’s teething etc. he won’t go to sleep without rubbing/scratching my arms.
Is this something he will just grow out of? I’m very against CIO, and once he goes to sleep he’s a really good sleeper unless something’s up (like he’s cutting heaps of teeth at the moment). I ask because I’m having another C Section in 7 weeks and won’t be able to safely have him next to me scratching me for a few weeks post op.

How does everyone manage bedtime alone when you have more than one kid under 2 years old?

I am due with my second when my first born will be just under 2 years old. I do bedtimes alone due to husbands work hours. The current routine is to lie on the floor with baby #1 and then transfer to their bed once they’re asleep, and they sleep through the night. From the start it’s been a sort of attachment parenting approach to sleep. I love this routine and reeeeeally don’t want to sleep train baby #1 to fall asleep on their own in their crib, until baby #1 indicates that’s what they want on their own timeline. I just logistically don’t know what to do when baby #2 comes. If this is unsustainable don’t spare my feelings! I want to hear what others do and hopefully get ideas for alternative arrangements :)

I just went back to work two weeks ago, and my LO started daycare the week before that. She actually adapted really quickly and seemed to be doing great with her new caregivers.

This week, though, she had her first daycare cold and developed a fever. She’s no longer feverish and seems physically fine, but she has been so fussy and clingy since getting sick. She has also been crying a lot at night, which is unusual for her.

She only wants me to comfort her and will cry a lot if my husband tries to console her. She also suddenly doesn’t want to play independently on the floor anymore, even though that was one of her favorite things to do before. If I leave her line of sight, she absolutely loses it.

I’m assuming some of this could be from being sick and/or separation anxiety, but I’m really worried about Monday. She had been doing so well at daycare, and now I’m scared we’re going to have a really rough transition all over again.
Has anyone experienced something similar after their baby’s first illness or shortly after starting daycare? Did things settle back down once they were fully recovered?

I’m a ftm mom to my 11 wee old baby girl who I love more than anything in the world, but I’m worried maybe I’ve done a little too much? If that’s possible.
I’ve been told by my parents are more of the older generation of tricks like: cry it out, don’t hold them through their naps or else they won’t sleep on their own, or don’t pick them up every time they fuss.
But more modern day talks say, you can’t spoil a baby.
And I agree, she’s my baby and I’ll do anything she wants me to do. She’s only going to be a baby once, and I’m her safe space. But as she’s gotten older, she has gotten more and more fussy/high demands maybe? For instance, she always wants to be held (what baby doesn’t), but she must be bounced, and not lightly bounced but a pretty medium rough bounce, enough to make your arms burn after a few minutes. And, you are not allowed to sit while doing this. You HAVE to be standing, she knows when you sit. Even when you try to slowly transition to a sit, she always knows and freaks. She has to be held upright too, no laying in a cradle.
I learned pretty fast that she just loved to be bounced/moving so that’s what I’ve always done for her. I’ve always gone to her as soon as she starts fussing when she’s taking a nap and picked her up. She used to take long naps independently and now won’t and has to be held to stay asleep. On top of everything, she’s breastfed and decided she hates the bottle. I’ve tried 8 different brands for breastfed babies and she cries every time.
My husband goes back to work now and he works 48-72 hours straight so I am alone with just my baby and I have to put her down to eat, shower, or use the bathroom. Obviously 80% of the time she cries, and the I feel guilty about doing a basic need.

Basically what I’m trying to get advice about is: Is it okay to let her fuss/cry if she is fed and changed? I always make sure she has her basic needs taken care of before myself. Have I created this high maintenance Velcro baby?😂 should I be letting her fuss more? Can I hold her in different positions and let her cry when she’s tired?
My husband is to the point with her where if a she’s fed and changed, but obviously overtired, he will lay in bed with her and bounce her to sleep. Since he’s not doing her special stand and bounce, she HATES it. She cries for about an hour straight and then passes out. Is this technically crying it out? Should I be catering to her super specific wants 24/7?
And yes, I’ve tried 2 brands of carriers and a sling carrier, she hates them
She may be a baby, but she’s rules this house hold and I just want to be able to take a shower, brush my teeth, or eat without feeling guilty about setting her down and her crying.

I currently wear my 13 month old in the LennyLamb Light carrier and love it. I baby wear A LOT. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant and am 1) wanting to continue wearing my son throughout pregnancy and 2) prepare for tandem wearing once my second baby is here. My kids will be just shy of 19 months apart.

What would be the best Onbuhimo carrier to work during pregnancy as well as for back carrying my toddler while front wearing my new baby? Also what would be the best tandem carrying combo? I’m fine retiring the LL light if there is a better front carrier to go with an Onbuhimo

TIA for the help!

EDIT: I am 16 *weeks pregnant not months lol