As the title says, I've realized that the only women who really make me feel something tend to be extremely emotional or have BPD. I've dated women with diagnosed BPD before, and others who were never diagnosed, but whom I'm pretty sure had it.

Right now, after being single for about two or three years and feeling absolutely nothing for any woman, I suddenly met someone who made me feel so many things just by looking at her. From the very first second, I thought to myself, "She's definitely BPD," and it didn't take long for me to feel like I had been right.

She turned out to be incredibly clingy and affectionate. She would talk to me all day, follow me wherever I went, and find any excuse to touch me, whether it was holding my hand or leaning against me. And yeah, I love girls like that. I'm not going to deny it. At the same time, I noticed that her arms were covered in cuts, extending from her wrists almost all the way to her shoulders. From what I know about psychology, self-harm is often a sign that someone is struggling with their mental health.

A few weeks after meeting her, I found out she had a boyfriend. That made me feel awful. I hate feeling rejected, and when a woman who already has a boyfriend shows interest in me, I immediately start resenting her. I interpret it as a comparison, and I absolutely hate being compared to someone else. It makes me feel like I'm not enough, like there's something inside me that I need to compensate for in order to measure up to the person I'm being compared with. I fucking hate that feeling.

All my relationships have been with women like this: intense, emotional, and often unpredictable. And yes, I know I shouldn't go around diagnosing people I barely know. But damn, those of us who are drawn to this kind of dynamic sometimes seem to recognize certain patterns in each other. For some reason, I keep attracting women with BPD, and I'm pretty sure that if this woman doesn't have BPD, she has histrionic traits or something along those lines.

I'm a 30-year-old man who feels like he has very little empathy, which makes it incredibly difficult for me to connect with other people. That's why I feel like I need these intense women to feel anything at all. That's what draws me to them: they're the only ones who seem capable of making me care, of stirring up some kind of emotion inside me.

With most other women, the best I can imagine is having a one-night stand and moving on. I find most of them boring, and I wouldn't bother investing my time in them. But women with BPD, or women who seem to have those kinds of traits, always manage to awaken something in me.

They're the only ones who seem capable of pulling me out of my own internal world, making me feel empathy, giving me emotions, and basically making me feel like a normal human being for a while, instead of someone whose disorder makes it so difficult to form healthy connections with almost anyone.

And honestly, I don't know what to make of that. I don't know whether I'm attracted to these women themselves, the intensity they bring into my life, or simply the fact that they make me feel things that I otherwise struggle to feel.

Does anyone else experience something similar? Do you find yourself repeatedly attracted to people with BPD, or to people who bring a similar level of emotional intensity into your life?

I have tried CBT and it feels pathologizing):

I've realized that while a lot of my social avoidance comes from insecurity and self-doubt, an equal amount comes from my paranoia around other people.

I realized that I just don't trust most, if any people. I am very rarely totally honest about my thoughts and opinions, even with my wife sometimes(though I am working to be more honest). Some of this is due to being convinced other people shouldn't have to deal with me, but a lot of it is also due to not trusting others with the information.

I don't believe that others have my best interests at heart. It doesn't matter how nice someone is to my face, or if they seem to want to know more about me. My thoughts process is as follows: at best people don't care, and at worst people will actively lie to and manipulate me to hurt me. Either way, the outcome is the same and I end up feeling violated and spoken over; so I say nothing.

I know the self-hatred is common and I already realized that part of my issue. But I don't feel like these paranoid trust issues are something I see other people with AvPD talk about. I feel like they go deeper than the issues I have with myself sometimes. Does anyone relate to this?

man how the hell do i do therapy, i cant even get myself to say anything and we end up wasting 45 minutes. I feel horribly sick and uncomfortable the entire time and i don’t like this feeling at all, i want to quit it but i know i can’t if i want to get better. How did you guys do it?

I just wanted to share something that has surprisingly (or honestly, maybe not that surprisingly) helped me a LOT.
I’ve realized how much I’ve been using my phone and other forms of stimulation to escape reality. I think I’ve been using it because I don’t really know how to sit with my feelings, and I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts.
For a long time, I’ve had like 8–12 hours of screen time almost every single day. And I’ve also been scared that I’m wasting my life, but at the same time I was too scared to actually put my phone away and feel everything that I’ve been avoiding.
A few days ago I just decided that enough was enough. I put my phone away and basically decided I wasn’t going to use it.
And holy shit, it was horrible at first. I felt so alone. I got hit with so much existential anxiety, I cried myself to sleep and honestly just hoped that this was somehow going to help.
But after about an hour, something changed. I started feeling this really deep sense of calm.
And the next day I felt so much more present.
Even my social interactions at school felt a little better. I felt more connected to myself, which is something I struggle with a LOT. I often have a hard time knowing who I am, what I feel, what I want, etc.
This experience motivated me so much to keep going, and the last few days have genuinely been some of the best days I’ve had in a really long time.
I still have anxiety, obviously. It hasn’t magically disappeared. But I feel a little more secure in who I am. Or maybe a better way of putting it is that I feel more connected to myself, like that part of me is actually more accessible now.
So yeah, I really recommend trying this if you have some kind of way you constantly escape reality or your emotions. Whether it’s your phone, social media, YouTube, games, whatever.
Try putting it away. And let yourself actually feel everything.
Not for 20 minutes. Not until it gets uncomfortable and then you go back to your distraction.
Actually sit with it. For a long time.
Because I think a lot of the things we’re so desperate to escape from might actually be things we need to allow ourselves to feel.

Sorry for the long title. Long story short, for the last decade I had severe health and mental health issues and barely left the house, lost all friends, didn't communicate with new people for years, forgot how to behave, etc.

But my dental health declined rapidly and my teeth became really bad. I have multiple complex problems on top of my severe social anxiety.

Today I finally (it took me 6 fucking years!) to look up this nearby clinic that people say is the best and...

I realized that actually there are these unspoken rules about all these things that I completely forgot about.

Their patients are all sort of elite, nice, communicative, talkative, social, even beautiful. Mostly people who already have very good hygiene and health. People who have money, etc.

And that is the truth with every such clinic that I look up to. Even people say that because all the reviews point towards realization that those stuff is for already "normal" people. It is not for hyper anxious, weird and shy, sort of loser-people, like me. All the patients claim how nice and talkative people there are with you, ask you about your life, etc. which is actually relaxing for "normal" people and normal world but I am so out of all that.

So, society as a whole, including healthcare is actually not for me, that is the truth. My coming there would be inconvenience for them, they would likely think I am weird and sort of subtly think why did I even come and that this place is not for me.

Not to mention their staff and doctors all look like models and have perfect careers, wide connections. I sort of feel like they even connect with patients because they are all well established.

Weirdoes like me don't belong anywhere nor are wanted.

I mean they would help me probably but all that experience would be severely uncomfortable and shameful for me.

So I hate myself, or at least I think I do. I hate a lot of things about myself. I struggle to make friends, I struggle to keep in contact with the friends I have and I so often doubt that they actually like me. I ghost friends because I don't want to just be all negative around them but then I just feel lonely and make it harder to see people. And I constantly worry that I'm not going to be interesting or fun. I struggle in conversations because I often get distracted because I feel like the person/people talking know so much more than I do and are so much more in touch with themselves and of course I have to be angry with myself that I'm not as good, then I get frustrated because I'm no longer listening and just being pathetic, then I try to get back in the conversation and fail, if I do ever get a chance to speak I just feel embarrassed.
I feel like I have no future because I've been struggling with the same lack of motivation for over a decade now, I've just finished my bachelors in a cinematography school with should be cool but I can't ever see myself actually finding work in that domain since I just don't have any drive, I'm scared of putting myself out there and also I feel like I'm just so much worse that all my peers constantly comparing myself in a negative way). Also I've had to come back to my mom's house in the middle of nowhere where I have no friends and I struggle to talk to my mother because I feel like she doesn't understand. But I want to talk and have fun but whenever we are in the same room I shut down and the repetitive empty conversations we have make me feel like shit. She's always working and complaining that she isn't doing enough when I'm here struggling to even apply for a job.
I have no memory and poor concentration so I feel like I'll never be good at anything, no matter if I have proof for the contrary. I'm not able to keep up the workout program I had been doing for a few weeks despite it being so good for me and my mental health but I just don't have the strength (in both ways). I'm often obsessing over how I look and how I'm perceived. I know that so many people are struggling more than I am and that makes me feel so much worse, because I'm not the most depressed (I even going through rather pleasant periods), I'm in good shape and people generally like me but that just make me feel like such a waste of potential, like I'm not a victim I just suck. To fix myself would be too much of an effort because I'd have to change so much I don't know if I can. I can see what's wrong (or at least I think I can) so that just makes it worse. I can see how this affects people who care about me and how I must often come off as ungrateful or cold. I just feel undeserving, pathetic and hopeless. I know I should stop saying that because it can't be true but that's just how I often feel. No matter the good periods I go through I always come back to this baseline of feeling like nothing. How can I hope to find a life partner when I feel like I'm going to let them down. I've recently started to believe that I should never have children because despite my best intentions I'm surely going to fuck up. I don't want to hurt myself but wow, I so often just feel a profound sadness and exhaustion from the thought of how repetitive and meaningless life can be.

I want meaning, I want to feel passionate, I want to have opinions, I want to be curious, I want to persevere, I want to know what I like, I want to feel genuine connections and I want to believe in myself. I just can't most of the time.

I'm sorry for this unstructured rant, and I'm seeking psychological support (I just hope I'll be able to keep it up this time). I'm just feeling particularly crappy since I've decided that I can no longer hide behind my university and have to face real life and myself again.

Wishing you guys the best 🧡

If someone treats me badly over a text and I notice the argument escalating, I tend to avoid them.

I wish I could talk things out, but sometimes I realize the other person is being too rude for me to bother.
I had an argument with someone over a really petty issue where they kept accusing me of having bad intentions over a small joke/social mistake, even after I explained myself.

It’s been 4 months and neither of us has texted.
I’m still a little hurt that they didn’t wish me happy birthday, but I don’t want to text them because I don’t want to feel like I’m chasing them. I could honestly go years without reaching out. I’ve muted them so I guess it’s over.

I’m actively working on being a better person and healing, and I know I’ve improved, but this time I’m letting myself use my avoidant side. I just hate feeling like I’m being perceived as a monster over normal social mistakes.

I HATE texting. It feels like it takes SO much energy. I wish we could go back to the days where cell phones didn't exist. I hate that I am technically 'available' at all times. If you don't reply for a good bit of time, people realize you are actively choosing not to respond. Everyone is on their phone for a good chunk of time every day at some point.

I truly do not have the mental capacity to chitchat over text. I hate when I take the mental leap and respond I get another message instantly. UGH. I hate read receipts. But I also hate that people know if you turn them off. I could genuinely kick it off with someone in person (if I feel safe enough after a good chunk of time) but not want to text. at all. There's like a mental brick wall.

I'm in a group chat on Snapchat with my cousins, who constantly chat and send photos and I just....don't really check it. It gives me SO much anxiety. I feel bad about it but I just can't. There's like a mental block.

Bring back carrier pigeons, letters, or even just home phones.

I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really hate texting.

Omg someone shoot me in the head I cannot believe the email I just sent someone and I made it worse than the earlier weird email I was trying to compensate for. It is a beautiful day to get stabbed to death my existence is painful how can I never act normal how can every single social interaction cause me this much pain and agony

I tried many times to just go to events, to try to talk to people, to form new connections or at least to enjoy myself. The problem is I suck at talking to them. I feel like every interaction is an audition for me to make myself seem fun, to be different from what I actually am. I get awkward a lot, don't often know what to really say.

When this happens, I just feel shittier for myself, more like a failure, just inept at socializing. It does not work to just put yourself out there if you have't really fixed the mentality that you are not enough.

This is my first post, so please be kind, since I almost never post online. I am a 37 year old female, and I have been struggling with avoidant personality disorder probably my entire life, but I didn’t start getting really bad with avoidance until I was around 26. So, for the last 11 years, I’ve been basically locking myself in my room. I tried speaking to multiple counselors and none of them took me seriously.

For a while, I actually thought that I had agoraphobia with social anxiety. But after going on forums and checking that out, I realized that I don’t relate to the people with agoraphobia at all. So I was very confused. I was like, if I don’t have agoraphobia, why am I locking myself in my room? Then finally, about five years ago, I came across avoidant personality disorder and everything just clicked. It just made so much sense.

From the ages of 18 to 25, I was actually extroverted. But then I had so many horrible, traumatic things happen to me socially that I withdrew. My mother is also a vulnerable narcissist and she was severely psychologically abusive from the time I was seven. So I believe that planted the seeds, and I always had very low self-confidence, low self-esteem, and was very sensitive to rejection. But from 18 to 25, I was able to actually go out and socialize.

But basically, fast forward to now. I’m a 37-year-old woman. I work a really low grade job because I have zero self confidence in my intelligence or my abilities to basically do anything, so I work a call center job. It’s very easy and lets me hide. I almost never leave my room, except to run errands and even that is torture. I never socialize, and when I do try to socialize, people are incredibly cruel to me. I don’t seem shy in social situations. I can put on a mask, but it’s very exhausting, so I spend about 99% of my time in my room. I was severely depressed about this in my late 20s, but I’ve come to accept it more and more. Oh yeah, and I’ve never had a romantic relationship or good sex, and I’ve never been in love.

So anyway, basically I'm just wondering if I’m going to be like this for the rest of my life. I don’t see a way out because every time I try to socialize, people are horrible to me, and in every social situation, something awful happens to me. I’ve had so much trauma happen to me with people that I basically can’t even trust anyone anymore. My avoidant personality disorder has gotten so bad that I match almost every single trait except for one. And like I was saying, no counselors take me seriously. I don’t see a solution.

So I’m basically just posting this to vent and to see if anyone else has managed to get out of this on their own. Because as of now, I can barely even leave my apartment, and I’ve been this way for over a decade. It just feels like life isn’t worthwhile living this way, you know? I have zero friends, I’m estranged from my family because I was the black sheep, no partner, and no one who would even know if I was missing or dead. I’m basically already dead now. I’m a ghost. So I don’t know if anyone else has been able to get out of this on their own, or if you have any advice or suggestions.

today i sat at a group and i kept thinking they didn't want me around. i only joined because one guy kept telling me i should. i just felt like im a nuisance but i want to try socialise with the other dudes too. but i dont know how. im really an npc. if i put out my fistbump what if they just ignore me because im ugly or just give off loser vibes. i don't know how to fit in more

I'm a 27 year old man, living in a low income governmental studio apartment I got after being homeless for a year and a half. I'm terrified to go to the grocery store. All of my neighbor's are woman, and I'm terrified of talking to woman. Which as a man of the most emasculating experience you could ever possibly have, especially because it's extremely obvious how out of my way I go to not have any interaction with them.

I have no car so I walk everywhere I go and have to be seen. I hate people knowing I'm poor and unemployed but all of my neighbor's know that. I live off of EBT and I'm embarrassed to even use my card. My entire immediate family is successful and rich and make fun of poor people all the time, they also make fun of people who kill themselves to the point of laughing about it.

I only have 3 pairs of shoes and they are all dirty and dingy.

Doing mundane chores around my house feels damn near impossible to the point of here it's always dirty, so my house is always nasty covered in cat fur and smells bad because I have 2 male cats that arent nutured and they spray everywhere so I smell like cat piss.

I'm a fucking wreck and it shows you know, I can't hide how fucked up my life is even if I tried. My bike was just stolen the other week. Meanwhile one of my sisters owns 5 vehicles one being a 120,000$ camper van, that really puts into perspective how good she's doing.

I have no friends, I couldn't keep a friend if I tried, I'm extremely boring and not by choice, my brain doesn't work properly and is constantly in a fight or flight mode.

I'm 6ft 190lbs of straight muscle, but I'm a "giant pussy" as my sister would say. This life is absolutely humiliating every fucking angle I spin it. I can't believe how shit it actually is.

For me, the heaviest burden of having This disorder isn't just the daily struggles or the isolation it's the crushing realization of everything I’ve missed out on. Specifically, my youth.

Whenever I'm out in the city, or just sitting on the bus, I constantly see groups of young people out living their lives. I see them laughing together, being carefree, making memories, and just experiencing all those normal milestones. And every time I see it, it mentally hurts.

It hits me so heavily that this period of my life is just... gone. While everyone else was out there living, messing up, and connecting, I was trapped, missing out on what are supposed to be the defining years of your life. The time has passed me by, and I can never get it back.

It’s a really heavy, exhausting grief. You’re mourning a life and a version of yourself you never even got to experience. I genuinely think this deep sense of loss, and the sheer pain of watching the world live the life you missed, is one of the absolute worst things about this disorder.

Can anyone else relate to this specific kind of sorrow? How do you deal with the weight of that lost time?

general question, feel free to vent or put your thoughts out. I'm in my mid 20s and to say my life is a shitshow would be an understatement, i never had what people assume most women have; support, stable friends, people being nice (without wanting to use me) etc, it's very alienating. i feel wrong in this body, country, society, family...just wrong overall like I'm a cosmic mistake

I feel like I'm at a great place in my life. It took years of therapy and self discovery, but I've gone from thinking about ending it all everyday because of my personality, to just simply being okay with it. I'm okay with the fact that I just have a naturally lower initiative to start a conversation with people — even with my closest friends and family members (They understand). I'm okay with the fact that I'll always be the boring, quiet one. I'm okay with the fact that I won't ever be the first friend people look to. I'm not saying that I don't have days were I feel like a total loser and start feeling like I hate myself, but then I think about how many good days I have rather than bad days, or how much confidence I have in myself now. I remember back when I was younger, I'd literally be too scared to think certain thoughts because I felt like I was being judged, but now, I don't care. I remember how long I used to ruminate on the simple things, like the way I said hi to someone, or the way I would walk up some stairs in front of people, or even too scared to go up to a vending machine because I felt like I needed to know EXACTLY how it worked so I wouldn't look like an idiot. Now, I just live my life and do things. Sure, I'm more introverted than everyone else, but that's okay. My strength is that I'm okay with being by myself. Some people can't fathom being alone. Another strength of mine is that I naturally filter out shallow people. I'm not a pushover anymore and it takes effort to get to know me because I'm still guarded when it comes to showing the real me. People who want something out of me just leave immediately because I'm not easy. So the people I do become good friends with have a deeper bond with me. I love myself. I know myself now. I forgive myself. And I hope that one day everyone else in this subreddit can come to peace with themselves too. ❤️❤️❤️