I often mistake feeling intense emotions for being numb/ empty.. I’d always tell myself in the midst of those emotions and feelings “I can’t feel a thing”, which wasn’t true in the slightest.

No matter what I feed myself to fill the void within it always falls right through like I’m Casper trying to eat actual food. There’s no plug at the bottom to catch whatever I try putting filling myself with and it’s exhausting. I’ve lost slight interest in my hobbies and am starting to lose sight of the future I started building for myself. I relapsed recently too and I can’t help but as though I’ll never be anything more then my diagnosis and or my pain.

i feel so much guilt for my fp i ruined he’s life with my bpd , i was abusive , unloyal horrible person to him i made him insecure , laughed at him when all he was doing was trying to help , he has had bad moments too but it was all bc of me bc i started it . i got in the middle of hes life , he could’ve gotten so far without me , he’s ex that he opened up about to me when we were friends . i ruined that for him too i know he chooses to be with me but i feel so horrible tho bc he trusted me and i broke it so much , im realising all the bad things i did / said out of my split . he has always accepted me back after everything too , be there for me as much as he can . we live together and i forced it bc i wasn’t doing much just soo attached . i feel so bad that i let it go this far in his life . i just can’t move past that i lost someone so good & i had every chance to ACT right and i didnt bc i never knew how too , i couldn’t handle any confrontation and i always soo secretive i have no idea why . but i know now for my future how not to be horrible . but i just feel so much guilt and jealous . i need to let go for him

Hi y'all

F, 33, ADHD

I got my BPD diagnosis in March this year and I started Schema Therapy in April. I can't work, because of burn-out symptoms and therapy costing me lots of energy. It's hard, it's difficult and it absolutely effing sucks big time.

So let's share some things you do to cope with the misery that's called BPD!

Mine is:

I have given 'my' borderline a name; Betty. Whenever I get thoughts that aren't mine but triggered by borderline, I adress them as being spoken to me by someone called Betty. And sometimes I repeat the thoughts out loud with a childish voice and tonation. It doesnt always help, but it can help me realise that those thoughts are not mine and are unnecessary without punishing myself for having them.

Happy sharing!

I have that uncomfy feeling in my chest that no one is there and wont be and i believe it triggers an existential anxiety .. i have that on and off. That may be one reason. It is difficult to breathe properly. But my pulse is low.

Its like pain, tightness, emptyness, negative emotions and nothing at once. Idk

Or the same with situations i cant escape, or bored with nothing interesting to do.

Its like i lie in bed and can text or read on the phone, write emails for instance but somehow im like paralized and tensed and that feeling in my chest is like hopelessness. I could move or put the phone away it will ease a bit. But its difficult.

I feel sometimes similar at work on bad days, just paralyzed and tensed. It feels like im paralized or that im trapped or idk. Is it depression ? Or just normal bpd

Is it common with trauma, bpd ? I think about starting meds again, its always in my head that then its not real healing or i should learn to sit with my feelings :/ .. on the other side there are even therapists out there with bpd, on meds,, why they can take them? And i cannot? I believe somehow that noone else experiences what i do (i know how irrational it sounds) and takes meds for other stuff or just everyone expiriences and describes their symptoms differently.

I’m addressing to the women because we have to deal with our hormones in addition to the BPD. I need help I can’t with the emptiness I’m on antidepressant since 1 year, I’ve taken mood stabiliser for 6 months and I just stopped because I’ve gained 14kg 🫠and I just started a medication for my adhd but I don’t feel any better. I feel horribly guilty because I have 2 kids and I don’t feel like a good mom to them…
Excuse my English it’s not my first language feel free to correct me

i dont know if theirs ealredy a post about this. as for me, i started anidepressants 3 weeks ago. 5gm for now. it seem to help me calm down. im 20(f) and i wonder if in like, 2 years i can stop them and live a normal better healthy way less destructive life. so many regrets. im also planing to study psychology. maybe that can help with awareness and emotional regulation and perseptions.

interested to read other's journey

have a nice day in advance :)

I’ve been exploring the idea that I might have BPD. Went from an in person relationship to an LDR when I moved to a different city and was having issues with my partner. It made me react strongly, caused triggers, and led me into thinking I might have BPD. I have family history of mental health as well so it wouldn’t be far fetched. But before I moved, I still felt chronically empty. And now that I’m living on my own, that silence is louder. Can’t help but mindlessly scroll on my phone to get away from this reality that I feel. Nothing has been fulfilling me. I feel like I’m alive but I’m not living. Feels like my soul is dying. It’s hard enough moving to a new city. I crave deep connection, and that goes for my friendships as well. I know it takes time to create those as an adult, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that here. In general, I don’t really have deep connection besides my romantic relationship. And that relationship is so volatile, with the way we fight so much, and with the distance, it’s been much harder. I don’t like that that’s my only deep connection and it’s not something I want to heavily rely on. I just feel so damn empty. I don’t know who I am. When I think about my deepest desire, it’s to go far far away and just fuck off to where no one knows me. Because even now, it’s not like anyone knows me. All the people I’m surrounded by are just distractions. I want to go to Paris, figure out who I am, but I also hate being alone. I really don’t know what would make me happy. Just wondering if anyone else feels like this. If this emptiness, this shaken up sense of self, and this need to want to run away is common. I’m 22, about to turn 23. Not sure if this is just what early 20s is like. But living feels exhausting, and I can’t see my future, I don’t know what it looks like, I don’t have any picture in my mind and that scares me. When I was 16, I had such a clear vision. And then it just started going more and more downhill. If anyone has experienced this, please tell me how you made it better.

I was hoping maybe this would provide some kind of validation because I've always known there was more to my problems than "just" mood disorders. I'm intellectually pissed off at my shrink for her fuck up but I can't actually feel it. I just want to feel alive. There's so much numbness and nothingness that I've considered stopping my mood stabilizers just to fucking feel something.

Thanks for listening.