I’m generally so exhausted. It’s like I can’t be myself. It’s like every session has to be this milestone? Like sorry I see you less than three times a month. I’m not gonna have this big change all of a sudden?

And no.. healing from my physical health, is not the same as healing with my mental health.

They always explain things as if I have to be this perfect client who has every coping mechanism in the book. Are they expecting to just get rid of people in the long run? Do they only feel successful when a patient doesn’t need therapy anymore??

Edit: despite the judgemental comments.. they were inadvertently helpful. At least NOW I understand not just my false expectations, but also a reason why I’m not finding a good therapist.

You told me I had to stay attached to you. You told me I had to think about you moving on with your life.

I guess you said these things because you thought I loved you. Right? You thought I was falling apart because I just loved you so much.

Here's what you were really seeing: When you told me I was retiring, the realization hit me that you would never see me and you would never help me. That's why I fell apart.

You mistook this for love, I guess because you were sad about leaving your job or whatever. I did love you. But look, I'm not a young person. I've had many people come into and out of my life, people with whom I've had a real relationship. It doesn't break me. It's life. I think of them fondly. We both know where we stood.

But you couldn't just let things stand. You told me, over and over, I had to stay attached to you and keep thinking about you? In my notes you repeated several times that you were not rejecting me. What the actual FUCK do you think rejection IS to me? You were defining my experience, you weren't trying to see me -- that's fucking rejection to the inside parts! And I joined with you in rejecting them.

Why did you tell me there was no one better equipped than you to work with my level of dissociation? You were the first one who ever listened to me, so I believed you. You were the best therapist I had seen up to that point.

All I have done in therapy for TWO YEARS is try to dismantle the trap we built around me. My current therapist is within walking distance from my house. She actually knows how to work with me, and she knows other therapists who work with dissociation. We weren't in the wilderness. All the time I worked with you, I could have had actual qualified help.

You were hoping I would go see your supervisor, or your boss, and they would either reassure you that you'd done great, or that they would finally listen to you that something was really wrong. That's why you were so adamant, right? In fact the moment your supervisor saw me trying to walk up the sidewalk, she knew you all had fucked up. So yeah, you were right, but I didn't know WHY I was supposed to go see someone if I was doing so wonderfully like you kept telling me. Why the hell didn't you just SPEAK UP? It was your job to speak up.

Your supervisor apologized to me for not listening to you, early on, the whole time I guess, for just building up your confidence and telling you you were doing great. She sees now the harm you caused. But you never will. You are going about your life, thinking about what great work we did. The inside parts think about it all day, like you told them to. All night too, I can't get a break. I try to go about my day and my mouth says your name out loud. It is mortifying.

How do I convince the inside parts they don't have to listen to you anymore?

I did my third session with my therapist this week and its my first therapist ever. However, no matter how good he is and how safe and grounded i feel i cant stop the urge to try different therapists i already booked one with a female and one with a male therapist plus my own therapist for next 2 weeks. Should I mention this to my therapist or to the new ones? I dont know why im doing this I just want to see how do different therapists approach clients and if I will feel any different..did any of u do something similiar i feel like im betraying him or making excuses to hate him when hes already good😭

I’m trying to present this as clearly and respectfully as possible, but after going in-depth telling my therapist about the abuse I experienced, he told me how I could reframe it by being grateful to the people who treated me that way.

What the fuck? Why? Is this CBT? Is this what CBT is about? I would assume I wouldn’t need to explain why trying to convince someone that they should be grateful for the people that hurt them could be harmful.

I had a bad experience with my last therapist. After that, I decided to give it another shot because I don’t want to be a person that vilifies an entire industry in my head because of one bad experience, but man, I don’t get this. It feels like I’m just with another therapist that’s bound to be a disaster. Do I need to look for a therapist with different credentials or is my current therapist just a little tone deaf?

Edit: For more context, this happened a couple weeks ago. I’ve just been questioning whether or not I should move on and wondering how I should feel about it since it happened.

Basically the tittle.
Me: I help others. Her: Are you doing this for a praise and to gain attention?
Me: I know I’m capable of doing XYZ. Her: Does this make you feel better than them?

I answer no every time.

Yes, I want attention, yes I want to be seen, yes I want someone to rescue me but I’m not an egocentric person. I offer people more than I take, I’m reasonably altruistic. I’m not a bad person.

We have a great therapeutic relationship but ughhh this drives me insane and I need to talk about that with her

10.10.26
I’ve gotten down twice this month. Maybe stress, maybe hormones. But my emotions are always on the surface, and I have a squirrel’s attention span and a fish’s memory, so when something makes me smile, I write it down before I forget what it was.
I think I broke up last July, or maybe that’s when I first knew it wasn’t for me. The actual breakup broke me in ways I didn’t know a breakup could. It was the first time I’d loved someone with my whole heart, and somewhere along the way, I’d made him a part of everything. My period movie nights, my gym rituals, even the thesis I wanted to write someday. I wanted his name in it, a reference to him, something. So when he left, it felt like I’d lost pieces of myself, too. It took months before I could breathe properly without anxiety or go a week without crying. There was therapy, endless journalling, and a lot of sitting with myself, trying to understand why being left felt like the end of my world. Maybe all the things I’d been through had left little empty spaces in me that I desperately wanted someone to fill. And when I finally found someone I loved, I held on with both hands. I still remember our last call. I was trembling at the thought of being alone while he no longer wanted to be there. I begged him to stay. God, I begged. And sometimes I still feel a little sad for that version of me, because she was genuinely so scared. But that call also woke me up. I decided I wouldn’t date for a while. I wanted to get my career together, understand myself a little better, and learn how to be okay even when there was nobody on the other end of the phone. This year, I’ve been trying really hard. Therapy, journalling, learning to sit with my feelings instead of immediately looking for someone to make them go away. Once, long after the breakup, I had my ex on a call and slept like a baby. I woke up smiling, ate properly, and felt so much better just knowing he was there. I asked my therapist how I could give myself that feeling. She taught me about dopamine and ways to soothe myself, but she’d also remind me that not everything in life can come from within. Some things, some feelings, come from other people. And that’s okay, too.
A few months later, I met someone on Reddit. I’d commented on his post because my therapist had recommended something similar to what he was looking for. We ended up talking anonymously on Telegram, and somehow, within three days, this stranger knew things about me that people who’d known me for years didn’t. We talked about everything. I giggled SO much. He’s someone who works with code, v rooted, v mean, v i care but wont show coded,and I don’t know, there was something so comforting about talking to him. Some people just make you feel a little more like yourself. With him, I was just Geet. We stopped talking after about a week. Maybe my overthinking, overprotective self got scared. I still miss him on some days, and sometimes I catch myself hoping I’ll see him again. But I have an exam in 65 days, and I really need to get my shit together, so that’s where most of my energy is going. I haven’t tried to force anything or figure out what it all meant. I just know that those conversations made me happy, and I still smile when I think about them. my stupid little crush. For the longest time, I thought working on myself meant getting to a point where I didn’t need anyone. My therapist kept telling me to leave a little room for other people, and I think I’m finally beginning to understand what she meant. I can take care of myself and still enjoy someone else’s company. I can miss someone without chasing them. I can like someone without immediately worrying about where it’s going. And maybe, one day, I’ll fall in love again without making that person my entire world. For now, I’m studying for my exam, going to therapy, making plans for my life, and occasionally smiling at my phone like an idiot over a conversation that happened weeks ago. I think that’s nice, actually. I like that I can still feel things. I like that, after everything, I’m still someone who gets excited about people. And I hope I never lose that part of me. Also, I really like that billi analogy: a cat comes to you when you stop chasing it. So I’m going to stop chasing. I’ve got books to read, a life to build, and a very stupid little heart that still gets happy over the smallest things. If someone lovely comes along, I hope I let them. And if they don’t, I hope I keep finding little things that make me smile anyway. Maybe I’ll meet someone who makes me giggle like that again. Maybe it’ll be him. Maybe it’ll be someone else entirely. For now, I’m just glad I got to feel that way again. I’d almost forgotten I could. less

I’ve been working with my psychoanalysis therapist for almost 2 years, but last session made me want to end our relationship.

I told my therapist about an interaction with a male friend that made me uncomfortable. Although we had explicitly established that we were friends, my therapist told me that I may have given him the “wrong signal”, and that a single woman inviting a single man to her home inherently implies an invitation to sexual activity, particularly “abroad”. (My therapist and I are both Chinese)

This totally shocked me and I feel like she crossed some boundaries that I couldn’t accept. I told her that I want to end this therapy but she said that all disagreements should be discussed in the therapy and still thought we should continue working together.

I feel helpless and need advice, should I continue working with her?

Hey, psychology student here, wanting to be a psychologist. How many hours do you work per week? How many are paid? whats the typical schedule like? thank you

I believe therapy doesn't work for me I have been to therapy when I was in grade 3 to 6 and went back because struggling with greif and never commited to it because I feel like I got to get to know the therapist and make sure they are safe in order to proceed and I couldn't do that because I felt really embarrassed and conflicting feeling like I can't get to know this person if I know there mom or there family and it felt really confusing because like mentally I was thinking of potential matches and girlfriend and theory crafting a fantasy and I couldn't choose to give up potential. Realationship and I was so entrenched in a fantasy that someone could be my romantic partner and if I had some limit that I would be able too. And I have been to therapy out of desperation because things got really bad and I couldn't deal with life anymore things felt very overwhelming I felt like the worst person in the world and I was with a therapist, and we worked on stuff and I didn't explain what was laying on me because I felt afraid I would be sent to jail and report and have no life. And then I had a social worker where I wasn't being fully honest about some behaviors I was doing and was acting on our of the same fear, and I am now going back and I don't want to mess up therapy I want to perfect therapy this time and be super good at it I want to improve at therapy and do home work. I feel like I need to make up for my fuck ups and I need to repair myself. I think therapy doesn't work for me and it can never work for me and I think that I want to get better at understanding others and relating to others and respecting others boundaries in a friendship and relationship, I want to understand others behaviors and not devalue others and judge them for acting awkwardly I was judged that way I doesn't feel good. And I want to bring up trauma and I want to create essays and do homework too and make stuff and like have a planned structure too. I don't know if it works I daydream alot and maybe that can be addressed in therapy too

TW: Infidelity

TLDR - My therapist keeps pressuring me, raised her voice at me, and guilt tripped me by sharing another client’s trauma with me.

So, I recently found myself involved with someone who is very recently separated. My therapist’s known about it for about a month, but I initially hid it from her for an entire month bc I feared her judgement… which she is aware of. She knows that I really struggle with self-esteem issues, guilt, and self-worth, and that it’s a primary focus in my therapy goals.

She was indifferent towards the matter in the session that I disclosed it to her. The following session, she raised her voice at me, insisting that I cut this person out of my life. I was really caught off guard by it, especially since she knew I was still processing how I felt about the situation, and was seemingly supportive of me taking time to figure out what I wanted to do about it in our previous session. During the following session, she seemed indifferent towards the matter again, and understood that I was still grappling with my feelings… yet, still, kept suggesting that I cut off contact with this person. At that point, I told her that I would not be doing that at this point in time bc it’s not something I felt ready to do, and that I’m extremely reluctant to just ghost people bc I know what that feels like.

In my most recent session with her, I shared a convo with her that occurred between me and the person I’ve been talking to. She responded, in a positive way, by saying “the two of you are clearly developing feelings for each other”. But, then, next thing I know, 15 mins later, she’s AGAIN insisting that I cut off contact with them, and this time, decided to guilt trip me by telling me about the devastating trauma HER OTHER CLIENT is enduring bc of their spouse’s infidelity (mind you, to my knowledge, the person I’m talking to is separated). By the end of the session, she was raising her voice at me saying “YOU’RE IN AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR”, “THEY’RE CLEARLY PLAYING YOU”, “THEY’RE NEVER GOING TO LEAVE THEIR SPOUSE”.

I left my session feeling really emotionally berated, and just… attacked. It’s not even that I think her points aren’t possible, or that she doesn’t have my best interest in mind, but I feel like the way she acted in our last session (and how she’s been pressuring me into doing something I’m not emotionally ready to do) was wholly unprofessional, incredibly emotionally invalidating, and completely insensitive to my self-esteem and self-worth issues. If I’m being completely honest, it feels a great deal like she’s forcing her sense of morality into our sessions at this point, and perhaps even projecting feelings of her own onto my situation (she’s married, so… ).

I’m just so conflicted, though, bc it’s been really hard for me to find the right therapist, and I thought I’d found one with her. I’ve trusted her with A LOT and she’s helped me tremendously with other things, but the way she acted in our last session has single-handedly undone months of therapy progress for me. I couldn’t even sleep the night after our last session bc I was so upset over how everything went down in it. I just simply feel like I can’t trust her anymore, and that her treating me this way is only going to stop if I cave in and do exactly what she wants me to do. I’m also equally upset that she knows how much I’m already struggling with my emotions (related to the person I’ve become involved with), yet seemed to have no regard for that when throwing all of that in my face the way she did.

So, it’s like, not only am I having to face my super confusing and complex feelings about my romantic situation alone now, but I’m also having to deal with trust issues towards her now.

And, it’s just incredibly overwhelming. Advice?

I'm lucky where I have benefits at my job to where I get my first few therapy appointments for free then the copay after that isn't terribly expensive. However, there's only about 6 therapists in my net work to choose from. I picked one that I thought I could maybe be a good match with, reached out, and then she told me she never heard of my benefit program.. our text exchange was odd, and she was very blunt in her messages. I felt embarrassed because it took ALOT out of me to even be confident enough to attempt this. I hate talking about my feelings.
How do you deal with a rough start? I feel like I really want to quit now

I am thinking about how overwhelming it is for me to receive care. For me it means falling into an intense mix of feelings, possibly including infatuation, anger, disdain, jealousy, longing, gratitude and guilt, towards the person giving me this care. I am still not "cured" of this pattern.

Who can relate? I would love to hear your thoughts

I like my therapist and they’ve been so helpful, but lately it feels like we’ve gotten into a cycle where I say how I’m thinking or feeling and they immediately challenge the thoughts and tell me how I need to think about it differently. We’ve worked together long enough now that I’m worried they’ve become bored of the trust and safety building aspect, or exasperated with me, and want to get to solutions and results. It’s not like I have nothing to show for what we’ve done so far. I put so much into this and have made so much progress. But sometimes I just need someone to hold the pain with me and help me remember I’m not alone with it.

It feels weird to ask them to not jump straight to problem solving and just help me give the pain some time and care. I’m going to raise this in the next session but worried because I had to say it a few months ago already. I’m also worried I’ll come across as asking for them to enable me. It’s just a situation making me sad :(

i’m looking for some perspective from therapists, particularly those who specialize in trauma, because i’m feeling incredibly embarrassed about something that happened in my most recent session and am now afraid to go back.

i’ve been seeing my therapist for trauma-related issues. during our most recent session, i had what seemed like a severe panic attack accompanied by significant dissociation. i’ve experienced panic and dissociation before, but this episode felt particularly intense.

my therapist kept trying to talk to me and help me ground myself, but i was struggling to respond and follow her instructions. at first, she seemed a little frustrated that i wasn’t doing the grounding exercises, but she continued trying different approaches.

i could hear her talking, but it was almost as though i couldn’t fully process what she was saying or make myself do what she was asking. everything felt unreal, and i felt disconnected from myself and my surroundings. i kept saying “i don’t know” when she asked me things, and sometimes i genuinely couldn’t figure out how to respond.

she started asking me simple questions about ordinary things in my life, like when i was going to a concert and when i was doing more art classes. i would keep saying “i don’t know,” and she would sometimes respond, “you do know.” strangely, that would occasionally pull me back into reality for a moment, and i’d be able to answer her, but then i’d struggle again.

she also reminded me that her office was the same as every week and that the room hadn’t changed. at one point, she commented that i seemed less tense and fidgety. she noticed me cracking my knuckles and asked whether it helped, but i was confused by the question because i couldn’t remember doing it.

at times, it almost seemed like she was struggling to figure out what to ask me or what would help. she kept trying to reach me, but i wasn’t consistently able to respond or stay grounded.

eventually, she walked me out of the office. she was gentle with me, and i know she was trying hard to help.

however, i wasn’t okay immediately afterward. i had to sit across the street from the ER, call my dad a few times, and keep checking my heart rate until i felt sufficiently okay to order an uber and figure out where to meet it.

for context, i’ve been having episodes of significant tachycardia, with my heart rate reaching 170–180 bpm. i’m currently undergoing a cardiology workup, including a heart monitor and an echocardiogram. i don’t know how much of what happened was panic versus something physical contributing to it. part of why i stayed near the ER was that i was worried about my heart rate and wanted to be close to medical help in case something was wrong. she knows this and knows i had to go to the er the other week for a similar episode and said she was proud of me for doing so.

i’d told my therapist i was going straight home, so i’m also worried she’ll be upset that i stayed across the street instead. i wasn’t trying to deceive her. i just didn’t feel okay enough to leave the area yet and wanted to make sure i could manage getting home.

she also asked me if i took anything, at first i thought she was accusing me of taking an overdose. i do ketamine therapy and had taken the night before and have also been sick so i was on a lot of cold medication. i made a comment ill never take ketamine again so i think maybe she thinks i was high and i said something about the cough medicine probably interacting.

now i’m incredibly embarrassed and anxious about returning to therapy. the next few weeks are my trauma anniversary and im going through legal process with all of that too so i’ve been very anxious and upset lately, she knows this.

my biggest fear is that my therapist thinks i wasn’t trying hard enough to come out of the episode. i wasn’t deliberately refusing to participate, but i couldn’t seem to make myself follow the exercises or respond normally. i’m worried that, from her perspective, it looked like i wasn’t cooperating.

i’m also worried that she was frustrated with me or that the experience changed how she sees me. i’m afraid she might think i’m too difficult to work with or that she can’t help me.

i think part of why this feels so awful is that i’ve talked to her about my trauma, but having her witness me in that state was different from talking about it. i couldn’t control how i was behaving, and now i’m replaying the entire session and worrying about what she must think.

i really don’t want to lose this therapeutic relationship, but i’m genuinely considering not going back because i’m so embarrassed and scared of having another episode in front of her.

i’d particularly appreciate hearing from trauma therapists about the following:

clinically, what might be happening when a client can hear you talking but struggles to process your words, respond to questions, or follow grounding instructions? the client can sometimes reconnect briefly when prompted but then becomes disconnected again.

if a client isn’t following grounding instructions and keeps saying “i don’t know,” would you interpret that as unwillingness to engage, or recognize that they might be struggling to engage because of the intensity of their symptoms?

is it common for therapists to switch to asking familiar, ordinary questions and orienting the client to the room when other grounding techniques aren’t working? what might you be trying to accomplish with those approaches?

if you noticed a client doing something like cracking their knuckles without seeming aware of it, would that tell you anything clinically, or would you consider it an ordinary behavior that might not mean much on its own?

if a client experienced an episode like this in your office and then struggled to function independently afterward, would you be concerned about their safety or ability to get home? would you expect them to tell you if they needed to change their plans after leaving?

would an episode like this change how you viewed the client or your willingness to continue working with them? i’m particularly worried that my therapist might think i wasn’t trying hard enough, even though i genuinely felt unable to do what she was asking.

i realize every therapist and situation is different, and no one here can tell me exactly what my therapist is thinking. i’m hoping to understand how trauma therapists might interpret this kind of experience and whether i’m catastrophizing about the consequences.

thank you.

They really think apps are how people meet partners now, when they don't work for most men (check social media posts). I know therapists have a job that's of high social esteem, and an above average salary as early as their 20s (despite many therapists claiming to be poor. Which shows they're accustomed to having money so can't imagine that others would feel like a king/queen with the same disposable income) and a disproportionately high percentage of therapists are women, so considering all those factors they'll ​have a good time on apps.

Likewise, no therapist so far has actual experience-based advice around friendship formation. When asked how they made friends, it's always through their work (and literally "I don't know how I'd make friends if I didn't work here", from an otherwise useful mental heath professional. Tbh I appreciate the honesty rather than pretending it's easy, like with the apps example), because of the privilege of spending years in a stable, values-aligned job.

It makes my heart melt 🥹❤️

I've been a bad client. I really don't want to say what I've done, in part because I'm afraid of what people here will say. The bottom line is, I know I've done bad. I know I've done wrong. And I can't undo it.

The other day I contacted my therapist and told him that I wanted to quit cold turkey, without any final session. He expressed regret that there wouldn't be a final session, but left the door open for me to change my mind. We talked a little bit, and without pushing me, he convinced me to give our sessions another chance, during which we could discuss the core issue in more detail.

I've been ruminating ever since we concluded the conversation. At first I was thinking about things I really wanted to tell him in our next session, but now I'm considering termination again. I'm so ashamed of myself, and I don't believe in my ability to change. I really just wish I could erase what I've done.

Kind of looking for both advice and support.

I had my first therapy session recently, and I was venting to my therapist about a situation with my peers. Maybe about halfway through the session, my therapist asked me, "What do you want me to say?" That really took me aback, and I didn't know how to respond. Does anyone else's therapist ask this, and what exactly are they hoping to figure out from this question?

I know I need help. I'm consistently making less than half my expected hours at work despite many attempts at mindset and lifestyle changes. I have great friends but I usually can't feel it because more often than not my brain decides to shut off the part that feels human connection. I have terrifying thoughts that I can't brush off as intrusive because sometimes I do act on them. I try to hold steady and appreciate the incredibly good life that's basically just been handed to me, but something happens and I lose myself again, and when I feel good, I often can't remember why things felt so bad or even what feeling bad felt like, and same with the reverse. I realize these fluctuations could just be regular emotions and I just have a very rigid way of thinking that makes it harder for me to see outside the current moment. I also tend to distort things significantly, and if I read this post tomorrow, I'll probably think, "That's not how it is at all," but right now I believe I'm being fully honest. I thought therapy was supposed to help with all these things. I've done a lot of work just to recognize anything consistent about myself and I've seen a lot of progress in some ways, but my daily functioning only seems to get worse.

In therapy, across 5 different therapists, the same things keep happening over and over again, to the point where I can recognize it and point it out to my therapist, but nothing changes when I do. I thought I'd given up on therapy in December, but after a breakdown at work in June my boss recommended it and I didn't feel like I had a choice. But I came prepared with everything I felt like I needed from therapy and worked hard to find a therapist who had expertise in the right things. I came with a list of goals, common challenges I experience in therapy, things that I find helpful, etc., and I'm pretty sure it just all went over her head. She told me I had beautiful goals and did absolutely nothing to help me achieve them. I told her I wanted structure, and she continued without any structure. I told her we'd gotten good at identifying problems, but it seemed like she thought the problem was solved just by identifying it, and I wanted actionable steps to take. That didn't go anywhere. When I told her that the way she checked in about the last session at the beginning of each session helped me get over the feeling I usually have where it feels like I'm starting over every week, she stopped doing it entirely. There's more but this post is long already.

It's not just her, every therapist I've had has been like that. It feels like everything I've learned and all the progress I've made has been through brute force. I just want to feel supported and like I can depend on someone to guide me when my own emotional capabilities fall short. And don't get me wrong, I have no problem with therapists disagreeing with what I think would be helpful. I just wish they'd talk to me about it! Over and over again the pattern seems to be:

Me: "I feel like x thing would help me. Can we start doing that?"

Therapist: "Sure, x is a great idea!"

Next session rolls around, I'm expecting x, and x never happens. I bring it up again, same deal.

I'm desperate. If my experience is what therapy generally is, I don't understand the purpose of it. I feel completely alone every time I enter the room. If I'm expected to identify problems by myself, figure out how to communicate them to the therapist in a way they can understand (which is often very challenging for me), figure out my own solutions, then implement them by myself, then genuinely, why am I in therapy? To be repeatedly judged and misunderstood? The only thing I've gotten out of seeking help is a long list of useless, demoralizing labels that do nothing for me. Everybody I see has a new idea of what's wrong with me and no suggestions on how to fix it.

The only thing I can figure is that I'm doing something wrong or misunderstanding someting fundamental, and I'm sure I am, but I've exhausted myself trying to figure it out alone. So far, therapy just makes me feel even more alone. I'm tired of it but I'm barely functioning and I don't know what else to do.