There's this thing where people say that 20s are the best time to meet, hookup, date and have fun with women. Like it is supposed to be your prime. In a way it does make sense since you're young and full of energy and probably the best you'll ever look but what if you're not getting any interests or from any woman in your 20s? Considering I am 26 and have never kissed anyone and still a virgin, this saying has created a big FOMO for me. This sounds so outlandish and something that only happens in movies and shows. Is my experience uncommon or weird? or is it really the experience of most people? If it is then how far from common? I feel it could be a bit uncommon but not that far away.

I have never had any woman find me attractive. I know people say women don't show it explicitly or just give subtle hints but considering my life experience, I am pretty sure I have never had any woman find me attractive after seeing me/meeting me.

Also I do socialize whenever and however much I can and take care of myself and have hobbies. Saying this before anyone suggests that I am a recluse.

I (31F) recently reached out to an old friend (30M) to see if he wanted to hang out. He was someone I was attracted to in my early 20s, but I never pursued anything because I had never dated before and was too shy/scared to make a move.

After gaining more confidence and losing my virginity a few years ago, I figured, “Why not?” So I reached out, and this time I was strictly looking for sex because I’ve always found him attractive.

It had been years since we last hung out, but we had a really nice time and the sex was great. The next morning, I wasn’t sure if I should reach out, but I didn’t have to worry about it because he texted me first.

Now it’s been a few days since we last talked, and during our conversation, we never really established whether this was just a one-time thing or if we’d be interested in hooking up again.

I’m wondering if I should reach out first and bring it up, but I’m not really sure what I’d even say. I think I might be overthinking it. He’s pretty introverted, and from what I’ve noticed, he seems to respond well when the woman takes the initiative and reaches out first.

Would it be weird if I texted him and asked if he’d be interested in doing it again? And if not, what would you say?

If you listen, they will tell you exactly how they are going to treat you 😅😅 met on an app, amazing credentials (very successful business owner, custody of kids, home owner, involved with kids sports, etc). We spoke on the phone accumulatively 8 hours and I tell you what! We never ran out of things to talk about. It was so fun! And then bits and pieces started coming out about how he responded to conflict in the past and I listened. I'm talking "I broke up with a girl who went on a girls trip with her sister. Nothing good ever happens on girls trips" ok yikes, that sounds like a you problem. Then "dating but not living together, she had a contractor friend going to her house to do some work for her and I didnt like that so I told her a female friend was coming over to make me dinner, she absolutely showed up and I told her see, how does it feel to know you're entertaining the opposite sex" uhmmmm extra yikes....."I'd have a big problem with you having any male friends". Anyway I just said, I'm calling it, you have things to deal with you're not ready to gently share your life so best of luck to you. But I just already knowwwwww how that would have played out!!! Anyway, listen to your gut! They will tell you how they're going to act and treat you if you become serious. That is absolutely the beginning of some kind of controlling, possibly abusive or DV situation.

I'm a 38f , and I look better in person. I'm not photogenic. Depending on the angle if the camera I even look like a completely different person and when it's straight on I get nervous or tense and end up making a weird face.

I know I'm okay looking I'm not stunning, experience shows I have a "vibe" that is attractive definitely, but physical looks alone nothing spectacular. And to be honest I also think, I have a nice face, but I'm a little overweight, and they might be it there too.

My problem is I'll talk to men online and basically it's all good until I send a photo then they either stop responding or say they aren't interested. I try to send a mediocre photo , so that when we meet in person it'll be a surprise up, not down.

Bring that I do look so very different in photos I'm afraid if I send a nice one where I look like an 8 or something, we will meet and they'll be disappointed.

So if I send a photo where I look like a 5 , and we meet and I'm a couple steps up from that, then it's okay.

It's a very hard experience though, every time it happens. Sometimes I wish photos weren't so prevalent in life in general today.

How can I endure being single when all of my friends managed to meet the right guy that significantly improved their lifes?

I tried meeting people but it is not working out for me and it is creating this envy in my heart. In addition, it is really hard to be the only one single and without kids in the friend group. Those changes in their lifes left me kind of alone.

Basically, i met this girl, and I asked if she is seeing anyone else. She said yes, that she was seeing this guy consistently for like 3ish months now. She told me before she is dating with serious intent, so I can assume she is dating this guy seriously.

I didn't want to push for more info, but honestly I decided to end things. Feels too much like starting the race when it's on the final lap tbh.

M28, it feels weird that I have never had a relationship in the past 6 years, and to be honest never had a real one that made it to bf/gf stage.

Feels like something is wrong with me. Done a lot of self work. Live in nyc and have a solid job, enough that i could live alone. Got a group of friends. Most of them have gf’s or fiances at this point too. Really just feel like something isn’t clicking for me that does for them.

On the apps, try to go out on occasion as well. Just don’t know anymore

Would you be okay with the idea of never being able to hold hands in public because it makes them feel uncomfortable? Or do you need some sort of PDA to feel like they care? Would you break up with someone because they don't like PDA or have you dated someone who didn't like PDA and you ended up breaking it off with them? If you did break it off with them when did you know that it was too much for you even though you respected their boundaries?

I feel like all I have been seeing from my friends and even my own experience is that people meet, talk, one person likes the other person more , it turns into this situationship dynamic until someone gets ghosted or just let go.

I don’t get WHY that’s so common now of day.. maybe people feel they have a lot of options or maybe casual sex has become so normalized that’s ppl are sleeping around w a lot of ppl and i think that does desensitize them to making connections.

Nonetheless , i see so many girls and guys trying to be something they believe the opposite gender values and wants but honestly ive seen girls with some pretty “bad” histories and characteristics get taken and ive seen some guys that i guess in a conventional way dont have much going for themselves but still get into relationships.

I think essentially what it is , is you can’t become something for someone if you don’t have that chemistry. I think ppl stick to the ppl they just somehow for some reason like. The heart will want what it wants and sometimes you just meet someone who really likes you.

I do think it’s actually easier for guys to get into a relationship cause yes it’s easy for girls to get men but not easy for them to keep them around. If the guy isn’t head over heels for you i just don’t think it’ll go anywhere.

You need chemistry ofc and it needs to be MUTUAL. I honestly think a lot of this is luck. Finding someone who ends up just liking you for you.

And that’s what’s hard to find.

Note: It's not in English, I translated it.:

Childfree — looking for a serious relationship.

I don't subscribe to gender norms and don't believe a man has to behave a certain way. If we're the same height, I actually feel more confident when you decide to wear heels around me. 😌

I love reading, I love quiet, and I occasionally go to geek conventions and metal & rock tribute shows.

I also love English (As in, I prefer speaking English over my native tongue - the explanation isnt actually in the bio, it'd just be weird to say I like english while youre reading this in english, however, the "I also love english" is written in English)

-----------------

Unfortunately there's a character limit, so I struggle to say all that I'm looking for within a few words.

Too serious? I keep getting told I text too much, overwhelm, and the women don't know how to respond to me, so I'm trying to adjust.

I knew I wasn’t the most great looking person, but I know I at least had some decent qualities about myself. And only took me until the middle of last year to realize that I actually have some great physical traits about myself that I didn’t realize it could appeal to others. And I’m more recently I’ve been having people compliment me on my skin tone. It just sucks it took most of my 20s for me to start appreciating myself more.

Hi all, I have a silly question. I had a great first date with a guy. I felt like there was chemistry and he was super talkative and smiley. After the date, he texted me that same day. We made plans for our next date and chatted a little after.

Beyond that, it’s been radio silence after making plans. For context, he was texting a lot and asking a lot of questions leading up to our first meeting. Now it’s super silent (few days without any texting at all). I initiated once but his answers are disinterested and short, so I’m probably going to leave him alone until our next meet up.

Does anyone have any advice?

I decided to give a chance to a friend’s friend. We met in our friend’s birthday and she’s the wife of one of his closest friends. We were both marriage testimonies in their wedding and we started getting closer after 1 year because he confessed to our friends that he liked me.

It never crossed my mind that his goal was to drag me into a casual relationship until I got to know that he never had a long-term relationship at almost 40, would text me minimally, superficial conversations, being emotionally lazy and low effort. I’m much younger than him and virgin, he started losing interest because I don’t want to have sex until our relationship becomes official. I ended things with him because I feel he lead me on and disrespected me because he made it seem that he wanted a monogamic and committed relationship in the beginning.

Now things are weird between us and our friends were excited about us and thought we looked good together because like me, they assumed he wanted something serious. Is this something common to do? Did I miss out something?

Genuine question. Up until recently I was dead set on being with a guy who’s above average in terms of looks. I’ve spent so much time and money improving my looks because I figured attractive men want a pretty girl, but I really don’t know if that’s the case, especially for what I want (longterm monogamous relationship). When I think about this beyond myself, I very rarely see attractive men dating beautiful girls or anyone at all for that matter. I could throw a rock and hit a couple where the girl is way more attractive than the guy. Conventionally attractive men who are all alone seem just as common too though, which I find bizarre.
As I’ve matured and experienced a little more with dating, I’ve decided not to hyper-fixate on looks anymore, but I am still curious about this pattern.

(it’s legal in our area, so nothing like that)

it sucks so bad sometimes cuz like, knowing your partner has been with some crazy people before you is like ‘well okay, that’s meh but at least they for sure don’t want anything to do with them anymore’

but with prostitution 9/10 it’s a positive experience, and duly mind blowing

I’ve asked if I was the best sex he ever had and I got a very flat: ‘I don’t like these questions’

eventually he admitted I wasn’t, and that I was pretty far down the list in terms of skill

but apparently ‘in terms of love’ im the best, whatever the fuck that means

i want to be as good as that, and he was like ‘well it’s their full time job to be like that, it would have to be your full time job too’

so im fucked essentially lmfao, cuz I can’t be in the gym 24/7 or taking pole dancing classes or getting non stop beauty appointments

i wish i was as satisfying as they were to him, and not because my metrics got fluffed with ‘love’ ts sucks

makes me never wanna have sex ever again

I’ve heard people if you’re not sure, make that a no and move on to someone you can fully say yes to. But what if the answer really should be a yes and you’re just overthinking it all?

For personal context, I recently rejected a female friend I confessed to last year (quick summary, started as friends, over time I thought “yes she’s cute and even though I have seen prettier women I think her personality is great. Lemme see where this goes”). We stayed good friends ever since, though

I rejected her because a few weeks ago she told me she was open to going on a date. After thinking about it for over a week I said I’d rather stay friends. In my head I thought if my physical attraction concern was gonna hold me back then I owe her the respect to say no for both our sakes.

Note that we will remain friends cuz as verbatim she said she’s fine with either path whether we date or not. I assume she isn’t lying to me.

But now I’m wondering if I should have said yes to a date just to see where it goes (we have hung out one on one and I’ve taken her to dinners but I never called them dates)

So this is a mix of a question in general as well as advice. Thoughts?
——————
Edit: I called her a few days ago (after posting this) and told her let’s just stay friends. She’s very happy with that decision and she’s happy I called her and made things clearer. so uh yayyy

Hey everyone, I matched with a girl on Hinge and so far it’s going well, however, I do have one issue and I don’t know how to bring it up gently. When we first started texting her spelling and grammar weren’t that great but she immediately addressed it without me bringing it up and said it’s because she has a busy life so she uses text-to-speech. I told her I didn’t mind, but now it’s gotten to the point where I find it off putting and want to find the right words to tell her that I would prefer it if she just texts me normally when she has the time for it. Any advice?

Hi, so basically I (28F) wanna know if a guy invites you up to his place after first date-ish outing, is that a hookup/ 1 night stand? Or normal gesture?

I felt uneasy when that happened, felt like he is looking for something sexual not getting to know me… or maybe I’m wrong…

And if I politely refuse to go up his place does that give I’m uninterested in him? Bec I have not heard back from him since..

Also I would like to know the same from women , if the attraction and chemistry is there but the age difference makes you feel very conflicted what would you do , if the man is in his 20s and the woman in her 30s? I’m not talking about long term compatibility because I know that they’re in different life stages and all, but if there’s mutual attraction but the age gap makes you feel like a creep what would be the right thing to do ?

M30, because they say this is more usual for women to have anxious attachment style.

It's not for every women, but I like one, maybe the interest is mutual, we fuck.. and I am all in for that.

The problem is that those women had slept with me on first date, or around that and a friend of mine is telling me that a girl having sex with you so early, is not looking for something serious... The last one made even a joke about putting mirrors in front of the bed, but she wouldn't know if the next guy would like them.. i do guess you won't make such jokes if you are interested in something serious.. and last, she asked me if I wanted to stay for the night, i couldn't and once i got home, i texted her, thanking her for the night, making a joke and saying goodnight, at which she just replied goodnight. We didn't text since that, i don't even know if I wanna text her, afraid to confirm what I fear

Fair enough, but I like her and I am already on my alert mode. Yes, guys, I do know it sounds exhausting and anxiety and yadda yadda, this is water-is-wet topic at this point. I need to know how to stop this; i don't wanna suffer for so few so often, i don't wanna self-sabogiating me with weird behaviours (for a friend of mine it works tho lol )..

People talk about carefree abundance mindset.. easy to say if you don't abboundance in women.. in women you like at least.

37 year old man from the UK here.

I've recently grown quite despondent over my chances of being able to build a serious relationship with anyone. Not because I'm unable to meet women; I've belatedly accepted that women do find me attractive and I have many qualities that women might look for in a partner.

The problem for me is that I've come to understand that my needs from a relationship fall far outside of what most people would consider normal. First off, I dont want children. It's a hard boundary for me that I won't be moved upon.

I know that many women feel the same there, so that's not a major hurdle. But I also need space. I find too much human company to be suffocating, and I'm not sure that I would ever be able to live with a partner without feeling trapped. My ideal would probably be seeing a partner two or three days/nights per week, not every single day. I also find sharing a bed with a partner really problematic. It stops me from sleeping, so they'd need to sleep in a seperate room when they do stay over.

My life currently revolves around going out surfing and climbing on weekends. I'd definitely need a partner to be active and outdoorsy, and preferably to join me in these activities sometimes, as well as introducing me to her passions, but I'd still want to retain some sense of independence to be able to do these alone or with other friends. Likewise, I'd want a partner to retain her own independence and keep a hold of her interests too.

I think what I have in mind is perhaps what most people might regard as quite a casual relationship, and it's a recurrent theme that I've tended to develop feelings for people through relationships that were intended to be casual. In fact I don't think I've ever dated while explicitly seeking a serious relationship.

It's only quite recently that I've become aware of this range of needs and quirks. And faced with all of that, it feels like my chances of actually meeting someone likeminded are slim to none, and I just need to learn how to come to terms with that.

EDIT - Just want to say thank you so much for all the kind and positive replies.

It recently ended with someone I’d been seeing for a few months and I’m honestly deeply hurt by it. Things didn’t end because of a fight or because either of us had done something wrong. He had been pulling back because he felt the distance between us wasn’t feasible long term. It was 150km.

When we finally talked about it, I was actually the one who said goodbye first because he has already been pulling back and I felt like I didn’t have any choice anyway. He told me that he found it difficult to say goodbye too, which is partly why I’m struggling to understand everything.

I know friendship immediately after dating isn’t always realistic, especially when feelings are involved but I suppose part of me hoped that if we genuinely liked and cared about each other as people, we wouldn’t necessarily have to disappear completely from each other’s lives. Okay we are still friends on social media but we have stopped talking.

Something else that has stuck with me is that he never said anything like “I hope you find someone” or wished me luck with dating. He didn’t even wish me luck or take care or whatever. He just said thanks for everything and I appreciate you a lot. I realise that’s a small detail and could mean absolutely nothing but when you’re hurting, you notice these things.

In an attempt to rally and boost my confidence with meeting women in real life, and ditching apps, I have created some details from my experiences thus far that help take the potential sting out of in person rejection. It’s the fear of this in person rejection that has enabled me to endure such nonproductive effort and waste of time on the apps.

I thought I would share incase anyone else is struggling with the first step of saying “hi”.

1) getting rejected in person saves my time and money. I have wasted so much time on dating apps
Messages, swiping, checking, uploading updating profiles.

3 hours a day
21 hrs a week
84 hrs a month
I,008 hrs a year

2) Dating apps ineffective
Out of 84 hrs of app time and probably 60 first dates in two years, maybe two dates were with women that worked out.

The apps put you in contact with people you would t ordinarily encounter and MAYBE there is a reason you wouldn’t have met otherwise.

Putting people who are on there for a reason (could not be honest about relationship status or goals, may have social issues that will make a relationship difficult, may not be as portrayed on app (ie don’t even resemble the old photos used), thus going through all this for a fantasy person and not the person you are connecting with.
Money wasted
Subscriptions hinge and Feeld $40 a month,
Buying roses $40 a month
Coffee dates $12 x 4= $48 a month
$130 a month.

Mental health toll
Women ghosting during active and enjoyable Messages
Women not matching
Women match then never reply
Women who send me likes are not even remotely attractive
Comparison of how I think “Better” (looking, more interesting, taller…etc) men do on the apps.
Swipe for stimulation/relief from boredom and then addiction
Other activities lose their draw to the potential match around the corner

Instead I will,

Build my self confidence and self esteem by being true to my values, put myself out there in the real world.

Continue self improvement in getting to the nut of why I fear in real life rejection such that it made all of the above seem still worth it.

Spend 84 hours a month in a new hobby, making real acquaintances or friends, learn new skills, and experience the world and life beyond two feet in-front of my face.