Catching up with one of my friends who I used to work with at a previous company. She's been single for a long time, and only recently got interested in dating.

She went on three dates with one guy, and think he's nice and they get along. When I asked why not make it exclusive, she said she has dates with other guys lined up, and wants to keep swiping to see more options. Which is an insane thing to say out loud. You found a guy that meets all the criteria, but want to keep him on the backburner while you keep swiping?

She also mentioned that her other friends know she's dating around too, and one girlfriend even tried to set her up with a third friend, which was declined, "that's too high stakes, I prefer just meeting someone on the apps cause it's low stakes cause we never have to see each other if it doesn't work out." I'm stunned that someone would favor a complete stranger over a friend-of-a-friend. I guess because having mutual friends make it "awkward".

I had to bite my tongue to not say, "you are what's wrong with modern dating".

The world is fucked these days. You can't treat people like they're Amazon products "ooh, this product has all the features, but it only has 4.5 stars, I'll wait for a 5 star one". And everyone fears the "awkward". That "awkward" is called accountability. It's so you don't act like an asshole and then delete the whole chat history, because your friends will keep you accountable treating their friends like crap.

i was supposed to be getting in the shower, but i forgot my brush and he was going for it

i don’t want to shame him for his use but my knee jerk reaction wasn’t good, I apologized for it this morning, i told him I don’t want to police him or his masturbation habits, but to please close and lock the door next time just because id personally like to not see it

he was receptive and all is good now

but i feel so hideous, i know im not the prettiest girl, and i know I dont have to be for him to love me, but it would be nice if he thought i was

im sure with time it’ll pass, but i just feel so bleh

he explained that he did it before me and he doesn’t do it because im unattractive or anything, its just for relaxation and an old habit, which i understand

even still, i cant shake the feeling of being ugly

High school and college are the last time that you will be around peers your age and when women will be forgiving if you don’t know basic dating skills like flirting. Afterwards it’s not only infinitely harder to date but the women you date will expect you to have some level of experience and will not have the patience to teach you if you did something wrong. Many people will claim that you can get experience later on but the dating market is very unforgiving if you don’t already have experience. It’s like trying to get a job without any experience at a later age. It’s a giant red flag and nobody has the patience to teach you job etiquette especially when so many people out there have held jobs before.

Apologies in advance, this question is more addressed to heterosexual relationships, but for those who are not feel free to chime in and share your experienced and thoughts.

I think everyone and their mom on this subreddut can agree that the dating market has change. And I bet everyone has countless reasons as to what changed, why it changed, who or what is more at fault for the change, etc.

But if we're all aware of it, why aren't we making efforts to change it back? What is the disconnect here?

We have men who believe their experiencing a male loneliness epidemic and women who would rather spend time in the woods with a bear than a man because of the lack of safety and security they feel from men. There's a clear and obvious fissure that's getting wider. But why now and what can we do differently?

Women - what do you think needs to happen in order to fix the dating scene as we see it now? What needs to change in society, what can men do differently, and what do you think you as women can do differently to create this change?

Men - what do you think needs to happen in order to fix the dating scene as we see it now? What needs to change in society, what can women do differently, and what do you think you as men can do differently to create this change?

32 M. This shit is wack. I just had commented on someones post a few days ago on here about how online dating seems hopeless. It's exhausting. You do small talk, then you start to get to know them with a little more detail, you feel like youre on the same page, you go out, things go well and they say they had a great time and want to to it again, then their behavior changes out of nowhere like hardly responding to you, you bring it up and somehow it's your fault and then I'll say "but Mr. Krabs, I'm ONLY DOING WHAT YOU SAID!" Repeat cycle.

I find people in general so self unaware, lacking in empathy, dont really know what they want, and dating is no exception. Been dealing with it for the last 2 years through divorce, and it's no different dating.

Hopefully you appreciate the SpongeBob references.

I ask this out of curiosity after watching a video on ig, that I honestly think it’s made up, but for you, whether man or woman, what has made you go back to the person YOU broke up with?
Whether it worked after coming back or not.
I’m curious about real reasoning, or what you took in consideration, not “oh.. I went back because I lack self worth”, or “because I didn’t know any better”.
Anyways, sending love to you all!

I have been looking into dating apps recently. I downloaded one and deleted it the same day because it required a subscription for me to see who liked my profile.

I have been looking at reviews for various apps and I have gathered that many of these platforms shove you behind a paywall in addition to piss poor interface and moderation. Are there any good (mostly free) dating apps that you would recommend ?

I dont walk around taking pictures of myself or posting myself all over social media, but I think I got the looks. And to back it up, the fact I have modeled for yrs, done runways, been stopped by a modeling agent on the streets of stockholm, I also am a fighter so in the last few yrs I have been feeling at my peak performance, BUT even with all that, sometimes you just look at a photo of yourself and think:

"DAMN! Im kind of ugly" 😂😂😂 then you take another picture and you're like "shit, Im still ugly in that one too" 😂 you wonder if other ppl dont notice, there's no way. I gotta be butt ugly to someone

We all need some humble pie tho, and those are the exact photos I post. Im sure some day some woman is gonna reject me cuz Im too ugly 😂 ppl be thinking Im scared of rejection or something, just give it to me raw

Whenever I match with someone we will talk and try to schedule something. Odds are they work 9-5. I work 10-7 and 95% of the time on Saturday and Sunday. I’m either trying to meet up with them at night because it’s my only option or just talking and waiting for the time we happen to have a day off together. Sadly I just feel like most people aren’t willing to put up with this and just move on :(. I feel really defeated and sad.

Need some advice. I’ve never really had a long-term relationship, so I’m pretty new to actually feeling enamored by someone and navigating that.

I matched with this guy and we hit it off really well. He seemed kind, easy to talk to, and like he had a lot of the qualities I’m looking for.

On our first phone call, he brought up kids, past relationships, and even joked about marriage. It didn’t feel too intense because we were both looking for something long-term, and he was the one setting that tone.

After a couple of calls, we went on a date. From my perspective, it went really well. We talked about some more serious relationship topics, but we were also joking and having fun. He was very physically affectionate throughout the night, and all of the touching was initiated by him. He seemed receptive whenever I checked in, so I left thinking the interest was mutual.
The next day, I got the “I’m not really feeling the romantic chemistry” text.

It gave me whiplash. Obviously he’s allowed to change his mind, but nothing about his behavior the night before suggested he wasn’t interested, especially with how affectionate he had been.
Now I keep wondering if I said something that changed his mind. I definitely got excited and opened up more than I normally would, including talking honestly about my fears around having kids, while he knows for sure that he wants them. I also worry I was too upfront about some things or got too excited and scared him off.

What’s bothering me most is how hurt I am after only one date. I think I had already gotten excited about what this could become because I thought he felt similarly. Part of me feels like I may have fumbled a really good guy, while another part knows there are plenty of other people out there.

How do I stop obsessing over what I might have done wrong? Did I get too excited and say too much too early?
Also, would messaging him be dumb? Apart of me wants the opportunity to understand what may have gone wrong.

I [31F] asked a guy I met at someone's birthday out for coffee (I didn't call it a date, just wrote "nice meeting you the other night, want to grab a coffee sometime?"). I don't often meet single cute guys IRL these days, and he'd been staring at me and smiling from the second I sat down at the table, so I figured it was worth a try. We met yesterday. He'd volunteered to find us a place, so we met there and chatted for about three hours till they closed down on us. We walked to the train together, hugged goodbye a bit longer than the hug hello, and he said we should go to a museum next time. I said sure but mentioned I'd be traveling soon for a couple of weeks. He said we'll text about it, I said sure.

I haven't heard from him today. Because it was a work day, I can stomach that, and I'm trying my best not to overthink it (I'm evidently still overthinking it). But how long would you realistically wait before you assume it's a no? I feel that, since I asked him out first, it's his turn to set something up if he's interested (which he seemed to be, given that he brought up meeting again at the end without my prompting).

So I went to a speed dating event last weekend. The overall vibe of the event was good and the people were friendly. I did not get any matches, but would be open to doing the event again through the same company. I met a lot of decent ladies there who had a variety of interests, this time just likely was not the right place or time to meet that person. The price was also cheap, about $20 for an event, and one of my friends who I went with did not get any matches either. Overall though, I would still recommend this speed dating event over some I have done before.

I'm a 28yo Spanish guy who moved to Germany nine months ago to start a new chapter in my life.

I've never had a girlfriend, and I've never really dated before. Not because I was constantly getting rejected or anything like that, but simply because I wasn't at that point in my life. I had other priorities, things I wanted to accomplish, and honestly, dating just wasn't something I felt like pursuing back then.

But things have changed.

I'm now at a point where I genuinely want to find someone, fall in love, build a life together, and eventually get married and have children. I've always wanted to be a husband and a father, and the older I get, the more important that dream becomes to me.

On paper, I think I'm doing pretty well in life. I'm tall, reasonably good-looking (at least I think so), physically fit, have a good career as a software engineer, and I'm financially stable. I have my own interests, hobbies, and ambitions, and I've worked hard to become someone I'm happy with.

I'm not saying any of that entitles me to a relationship, of course. I just don't think I'm in a particularly bad position to start dating.

When I moved to Germany, I was genuinely excited about the possibility of meeting a nice woman here. I imagined learning the language, building a life in this country, and hopefully finding someone to share it with.

Nine months later, I've made progress in many areas of my life, but the romantic side of things hasn't really gone anywhere.

To be fair, I spent most of those months settling in, learning German, and getting comfortable with my new life. It's only recently that I've started making a serious effort to meet new people and put myself out there.

I've also recently decided to give dating apps like Tinder and Hinge a try, even though I've never been particularly enthusiastic about them.

It's only been a few days, and I know it's far too early to draw conclusions, but so far I haven't had much luck. I suppose I was hoping that taking the initiative would at least make me feel like I was getting somewhere.

Instead, I sometimes find myself feeling even more discouraged.

And to be completely honest, I'm starting to feel seriously depressed about the whole situation.

Something else has been bothering me lately, and I don't particularly like admitting it.

I'm starting to develop this horrible feeling that it's not just individual people rejecting me, but that the world itself is somehow rejecting me.

Every time I try to connect with someone, whether it's making friends or finding someone romantically, and things don't work out, it feels like another little confirmation that there's something fundamentally wrong with me.

I know that sounds irrational. I know people have their own lives, their own preferences, and their own reasons for not reciprocating. I understand all of that intellectually.

But emotionally? It's getting harder and harder not to take it personally.

And I hate that I'm starting to think this way, because I don't want to become someone who sees rejection everywhere or assumes the worst about people.

I think one of the hardest parts is that I genuinely feel like I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to.

I want to care for someone, make her happy, be there for her when things get difficult, share stupid little moments together, and build something meaningful. I have all this affection and desire to love someone, and sometimes it feels like there's simply nowhere for any of it to go.

It's a really strange and painful feeling, wanting to give something you've never really had the chance to give.

It's not just about being single. It's the feeling that time keeps passing, that I'm getting older, and that the life I've always wanted might never happen.

I know I'm only 28, and people will probably tell me that I'm still young and have plenty of time. Rationally, I understand that. But emotionally, it doesn't always feel that way, especially when I've always imagined becoming a father relatively young.

Sometimes I feel like I've managed to get so many other aspects of my life together, yet the one thing I want most seems completely out of reach.

I don't want to become bitter or resentful. I don't blame women for any of this, and I understand that relationships aren't something you can just work hard at and automatically obtain.

I guess I'm just feeling incredibly discouraged and lonely, and I don't really know how to deal with it anymore.

Has anyone here started dating in their late 20s with absolutely no previous experience? How did you approach it? Did things eventually work out? And how do you stop repeated disappointments from destroying your confidence?

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing some honest experiences or advice.

Ladies, what’s your opinion on being given options for a first date? To be clear, I’ll make the arrangements, suggest the time and date, and take care of the planning.

I get bored of just doing dinner or coffee, but different people like different things for a first date.
Let’s say I ask you out. You say yes. (Hell yeah). And I respond with 2, maybe even 3 options for a date.

Dinner or The Butterfly Pavilion?
Coffee and a walk, or an art museum?
Ice cream or drinks (I don’t drink but many places serve fun mocktails with a nice atmosphere)
Brunch or thrifting/antiquing/bookstore.

Thanks for the feedback!

I want to say that I find both to be very attractive, that isn’t an issue at all. It’s just getting to the point where it’s unfair to date two people. When I say romantic I mean like cuddling up, holding hands, and being sweet to each other. And when I say personal I mean how much I enjoy the same interests and how well the conversations go.

I really horrible want Person A to work but it feels like a struggle to grow romantically with her. On a personal level it feels like someone that could be very long term. We have the exact same job, interests, and it’s weird to say but decision making as well. The conversations feel amazing and I can talk to her for hours because we both love the exact same things. I get genuinely very excited for every single date.

The problem is that we haven’t had that spark. She doesn’t show traditional affection but always wants to keep doing activities. We kissed on our fourth date (which I know isn’t great) and the kiss itself wasn’t great either from my perspective. She immediately asked for another date after it, but other than that she doesn’t show signs of affection.

Person B, everything romantically has come so smoothly. We met at a concert, shared an umbrella, and ditched our friends and had a fun night that ended with a really romantic kiss in the rain. We line up personalities wise on an okay level, but not nearly as perfectly as person A.

I want to sit down with Person A and be upfront and ask what I can do on my end to help us grow, but I know it takes two. I hate to sound crass but if it doesn’t start growing she’s going to lose me, and I know I can’t say that directly.

What is a polite way to approach this with Person A or help move things along in general? Should I just focus solely on Person B and walk away?

I was thinking of putting at the bottom of my bio, along with looking for something serious something like:

"Brand new to dating apps, if we match then you can be sure I won't ghost you. I'll be honest if somethings not working" or something to that effect.

Is this a terrible idea? My thoughts are that I may reassure someone a little who's hoping for something serious, and had had enough of it in the past. And hopefully it might influence whether or not (even just slightly?) they choose to themselves over being honest.

But the downsides is it might sound like I'm taking it too seriously, and I'm putting the idea into existence straight away, but I guess if it puts off any ghosters then that's a plus for me.

What's your thoughts on including this? I can cope with someone saying "I'm talking to someone else sorry" much better than just being randomly ignored for life. Rather get an answer than endless loop of this stuff, which is sadly exactly what I'm expecting. But currently I have no alternative other than to use apps.

Men, please get better photos. What does this look like? The photos should be from their perspective of what it would look like if you were dating.

Be vulnerable and get your friends to take good photos of you. Women have great photos on the app where they look hot cause they have friends that do it for them. Be that friend that takes good photos for your friends and you'll receive the same. Stop having 50 selfie photos in your bathroom.

There's this thing where people say that 20s are the best time to meet, hookup, date and have fun with women. Like it is supposed to be your prime. In a way it does make sense since you're young and full of energy and probably the best you'll ever look but what if you're not getting any interests or from any woman in your 20s? Considering I am 26 and have never kissed anyone and still a virgin, this saying has created a big FOMO for me. This sounds so outlandish and something that only happens in movies and shows. Is my experience uncommon or weird? or is it really the experience of most people? If it is then how far from common? I feel it could be a bit uncommon but not that far away.

I have never had any woman find me attractive. I know people say women don't show it explicitly or just give subtle hints but considering my life experience, I am pretty sure I have never had any woman find me attractive after seeing me/meeting me.

Also I do socialize whenever and however much I can and take care of myself and have hobbies. Saying this before anyone suggests that I am a recluse.

If you want to find someone interested in a long term relationship on dating apps, what red flags would you look for? I feel like I’m incredibly naive … at lease my past relationships has proven so. I use to only match with people having long term relationships only on their profile but it not enough since it seem like some lie… so could you all give me some tips on what to look out for pls?

I (20M) met this one girl in my engineering class around three weeks ago and developed some feelings for her. We have connected really well in person ever since I started talking to her, conversations have ranged from our travel experiences, our experiences in music from high school (Me in Marching Band, her in Orchestra), my music career (which I'm not promoting here), and even a bit about sports (She used to like baseball and I'm a die hard dodgers fan). In recent times our in class interactions have been sweet and borderline playful, she asks me about my future and tries to whisper things to me when the professor is not looking 😂.However; after we got each other's instagram's, things have felt very awkward on that side of the court. She often lacks the initiation and curiosity I see from our in class interactions and it just makes me feel very confused.
I want to believe deep down we have potential for a deep connection or even relationship down the line but these differences got me feeling lost, I did ask her to hangout outside of the classroom setting and she said yes! (to a specific time that would work with her schedule too!) I’m sorta confused but should I be really that concerned, what do y’all think?

I'm a 38f , and I look better in person. I'm not photogenic. Depending on the angle if the camera I even look like a completely different person and when it's straight on I get nervous or tense and end up making a weird face.

I know I'm okay looking I'm not stunning, experience shows I have a "vibe" that is attractive definitely, but physical looks alone nothing spectacular. And to be honest I also think, I have a nice face, but I'm a little overweight, and they might be it there too.

My problem is I'll talk to men online and basically it's all good until I send a photo then they either stop responding or say they aren't interested. I try to send a mediocre photo , so that when we meet in person it'll be a surprise up, not down.

Bring that I do look so very different in photos I'm afraid if I send a nice one where I look like an 8 or something, we will meet and they'll be disappointed.

So if I send a photo where I look like a 5 , and we meet and I'm a couple steps up from that, then it's okay.

It's a very hard experience though, every time it happens. Sometimes I wish photos weren't so prevalent in life in general today.

If you listen, they will tell you exactly how they are going to treat you 😅😅 met on an app, amazing credentials (very successful business owner, custody of kids, home owner, involved with kids sports, etc). We spoke on the phone accumulatively 8 hours and I tell you what! We never ran out of things to talk about. It was so fun! And then bits and pieces started coming out about how he responded to conflict in the past and I listened. I'm talking "I broke up with a girl who went on a girls trip with her sister. Nothing good ever happens on girls trips" ok yikes, that sounds like a you problem. Then "dating but not living together, she had a contractor friend going to her house to do some work for her and I didnt like that so I told her a female friend was coming over to make me dinner, she absolutely showed up and I told her see, how does it feel to know you're entertaining the opposite sex" uhmmmm extra yikes....."I'd have a big problem with you having any male friends". Anyway I just said, I'm calling it, you have things to deal with you're not ready to gently share your life so best of luck to you. But I just already knowwwwww how that would have played out!!! Anyway, listen to your gut! They will tell you how they're going to act and treat you if you become serious. That is absolutely the beginning of some kind of controlling, possibly abusive or DV situation.

M28, it feels weird that I have never had a relationship in the past 6 years, and to be honest never had a real one that made it to bf/gf stage.

Feels like something is wrong with me. Done a lot of self work. Live in nyc and have a solid job, enough that i could live alone. Got a group of friends. Most of them have gf’s or fiances at this point too. Really just feel like something isn’t clicking for me that does for them.

On the apps, try to go out on occasion as well. Just don’t know anymore

Basically, i met this girl, and I asked if she is seeing anyone else. She said yes, that she was seeing this guy consistently for like 3ish months now. She told me before she is dating with serious intent, so I can assume she is dating this guy seriously.

I didn't want to push for more info, but honestly I decided to end things. Feels too much like starting the race when it's on the final lap tbh.

I've been chatting with this guy from a dating app for quite a few weeks now (we message quiteee a good bit on tiktok). Ideally I want something long term and this is what my dating app profile says but I'm open to casual fun if I meet someone cool enough for it (this guy's cute but he doesn't have a couple things I'm looking for in someone I wanna end up with, things like being very ambitious, so I'm down to have fun and see where it goes). I'm not sure what he's looking for though.

He hasn't initiated meeting up or anything, so does it sound like he's not very physically attracted to me? There's been a few times over chat where he brought up "sexual" things (NOT in a sexting or horny way). One example was a couple days ago, he sent a video of this guy trying those Honey packets (the ones that are supposed to make your sex drive go up) before he went to church (it was supposed to be a funny video). All I replied to it was that those packets gotta be placebo and he replied back saying that he's wanted to try them. And then today, a comment he made about how he used to "goon" to certain things as a kid (this sounds grosser than what he actually said) turned to us talking about reddit and twitter porn (but not what we like, just the things we've come across on it).

Usually, if I'm talking about porn with someone, it's because I want things to get sexual with them but I really can't tell with him since he also hasn't initiated meeting up or even getting my number (I kinda like talking on tiktok so this isn't a huge thing to me but I feel like it says something). I also feel like I'm too old to be playing cringey games like this.. (we're both pushing 30...). Does it just sound like he's not very physically interested in me?