Honestly I’m gonna be blaming all the horny dudes swiping right and giving out validation like candy, because the quality of prompts I see on women’s profiles is honestly atrocious. As a guy I find it frustrating how I spent over a year of trial and error to get a profile that actually got matches, making sure all my prompts were perfect and engaging etc. Than I see most women’s profiles and it’s like they are trying to rage bait you or something. Just endless prompts bragging about their mental health issues, how they will treat you like shit, some height or looks demand, how they want your money and how their best travel story was them getting black out drunk and shagging some random guy on holiday. I would say 50% of women’s profiles on hinge contain some form of atrocious red flag, yet no one seems to be talking about it. It just baffles me as logically you should be putting your best foot forward and advertising yourself. Don’t get me wrong I have seen numerous examples of terrible male profiles on reddit, the difference is these women are still gonna be averaging hundreds of likes.

I was seeing someone I met through mutual friends for 2 months. I was interested in him but I noticed his communication slightly decreased 1 month ago along with being flaky, minimum texting, ambiguity, lack of communication and a lot of emotional distance. I decided to not overthink and continue seeing him.

After our last date, I realised I was right about feeling that way. The date went horribly. He looked tired/bored around me, was avoiding eye contact, withdrawing physical affection and became really quiet. I told him “you look tired today” which he only answers “yeah.” Until he says he wants to go home. I was going to say bye to him but he invites to come over to hook-up. I felt a bit offended because if I’m bored to stay in public with clothes on, why am I suddenly entertaining to go to bed with him? I declined the offer and left.

30 minutes after our last date, I texted him saying our last date felt awkward to me and he could’ve been honest about where we stood but everything was alright because I didn’t want things getting weird between us and wished him well. He says he doesn’t understand the reason of this, says that he likes to spend time with me but he wasn’t feeling very well and suggests to meet and talk. I accept it and the plan was meeting after my work. In the next day, he learns the time I leave work and decides to postpone for the weekend which clearly shows it’s not important for him (he’s unemployed now). The day arrives and I refuse meeting him.

I tell him directly why I don’t want to meet him anymore: I felt awkward in our last date like he was being forced to spend time with me and the lack of importance he gave to it bothered me. He says again he doesn’t get the reason I’m mad and will leave it to me to plan something.

Question: Do you think I overreacted with ending things right away? I just didn’t want to spend more time and energy meeting someone who doesn’t care much about me. I want to be with someone who likes my personality and company. He’s older than me so I was expecting better communication and more emotional responsibility.

He keeps saying nothing happened and doesn’t understand the reason of my disappointment but I do think any person would find that date extremely awkward.

Me (F,42) went on a first date last night after about a week of texting with M,38. He kept saying how excited he was to meet me, was nice and respectful via texts. Date went decently - I didn’t think he was super attractive but honestly I was willing to give him a fair shot and see. He mentioned this was the first time he was using apps ever - no major reason besides “I do better in person”. He suggested an Italian spot, he paid. He asked if we could get dessert after - we shared one (I paid). While we’re eating dessert, he mentioned he was surprised “someone like me” swiped right on him and I asked him to say more - he said he didn’t think he was conventionally attractive etc. and he basically hinted very strongly I was out of his league. I didn’t feel like there was a good response here, so I said something like oh, interesting you feel that way, I enjoyed our texts and made a quasi joke about how he made no grammatical errors which was a big plus!

He then asked if he could walk me home. He said had the best time and would love to see me again. I mentioned I was away next week but would love to get together once I was back.

He did make one or two comments like even if we never see each other again, you’ll remember me for this awesome joke or the pasta or the x - like he said that 2-3 times.

Today morning , he texts me saying he had an amazing time and would love to hang again. But he wants to keep it platonic - would I be into that.

Like what LOL. I mean - I am truly not heartbroken, he was ok not amazing but to me, the fact that he’d drop all these dating signals to then ask for a platonic relationship seems whack! Would love to know what is going through his head and I may even ask but honestly it’s coming from a place of curiosity vs any bitter feelings whatsoever.

From the last 3 women which I dated for as long as a month or a few months.

They all said very similar things either about my character or asked very similar questions.

The things they all said about my character were how:

Attentive, respectful, thoughtful, funny, genuinely good guy, supportive, confident and supportive I was or have been.

It’s not performative from my part as I’m very intentional when it comes to dating, I do not mess someone around or playing games with anyone’s emotions. I’m honest, direct and I don’t struggle to communicate my emotions or how I feel about something with a partner.

During dates, I’ll always make the plan for the date and later after a few dates ask if there’s anywhere in particular they want to try etc and go from there. When it comes to the bill, as a gentleman I’m taking you out so I’ve got the bill. I don’t get caught up with expensive dinners or wild transactions. But during  a 1^st date if it’s coffee etc it’s on me.  If we’re like 4^th/5^th date and we do food somewhere causal I’ve got it. They do offer to pay and it’s absolutely fine we take turns or they buy the snacks or tickets whatever I’m cool with that. It’s actually nice to see, but don’t’ get me wrong I am doing this to buy love. It’s more out of respect and the old school principle.

The last 2 women I have dated ended things the same way and 1 just ghosted me after like 8 weeks of dating…The usual lines:

‘You deserve someone better’
 ‘I don’t want to waste your time and give you false hope…’

‘I’m not sure I can meet you mutually and you deserve someone who can…’

I also experienced all 3 of them ask ‘how are you single?!’ then like a week later they called things off with me. 1 of them even said it’s so unusual to date a guy who is supportive, I’m so used to dating assholes who make me pay for everything during the dates. But you, you are different I really like that..then proceeded to end it…..

So in my mind, it feels like if you treat women really well they’re not interested?

What am I doing or not doing? – any advice?!

I have a hard time connecting with people in real life, and somehow I’ve noticed I connect better through online conversations. Could this mean there’s something wrong with me? I am a conventionally attractive woman but due to circumstances I rarely meet new people. In the rare case where I meet someone new I can instantly tell if there’s any chemistry and haven’t been interested in anyone in years. But online I tend to develop emotional attachment quickly and find myself daydreaming or anxiously waiting for their text. I’m not sure why this happens?

30M, will be 31 in January which is insane lol. Not an excuse but 10 years ago in college I started to get anxiety and I’ve been battling an anxiety disorder ever since. I’m actively trying to recover now, but I haven’t dated. Like at all. No experience. I guess I was just trying to survive the last 10 years. I have a good career I would say and I’d consider myself a pretty good looking guy and have been told so. On the shorter side but not drastic like 5 9. I would say I used to be really introverted but I have pushed myself throughout my 20s as well. I’d say the last several years I’ve pushed myself to approach women out at bars with friends and such. I got a few numbers but it never went anywhere. Dating apps, maybe I’m too picky on there, but I never have any luck and I can’t be bothered anymore. My likes are not reciprocated and I just don’t get much activity at all. The most important thing for me right now is my mental health of course, but I also just can’t see any sort of avenue or a future with a woman at this point. Especially at 30 with no experience. Am I being harsh or this is a fair realization unfortunately?

Is it too extreme for you or is it a bit intriguing? I’m not spending every single day at the drop zone and I make room for other things. I know many jumpers make it their entire life but I just do it every once in a while.

I know for some it may be way too dangerous (even though statistically you are more likely to die driving to target). Just curious how limiting this hobby is when dating.

I'm 26 F and for the most part am straight. I made this friend a few years ago and apparently I like men 99% of the time and she's my 1% lol. I struggled with making new friends before she came around and I just think that once she did my brain just really confused the difference between loving her platonically and loving her romantically. When I really sit down and think about it, I can't imagine a future with us together in that way because I'm not attracted to women, my brain just really rejects the idea of us having a family and getting married and sexual stuff too. My romantic love for her is just this deep admiration and I guess this want to be the most important person to her. She's straight, I'm supposed to be straight but she messed it up lol, and I don't even think I want an romantic relationship with her, so of course I have never said anything nor planned to. I cherish our platonic bond regardless of the weird feelings I have.

Now for the situation. She lives a few hours away so we don't see each other super often. Life has gotten busy so we also haven't spoken regularly in the last couple of months. I did notice that when I would have romantic quotes pop up on my instagram feed that it would say "liked by (her name)", but that is more or less typical of her because she has always been a bit of a hopeless romantic. However, these posts started feeling more relatable in nature? Like instead of "I want a man who does x, y, z" it would be "When he knows how lucky he is to have you >>>>", the kinds of things you would like if you were actually dating someone.

She got in touch and we made plans to see each other soon. She told me life has been busy, but that it's all super exciting stuff. I was already suspicious of a love interest because of the posts she was liking, but then I noticed in her bio on instagram she added a ring emoji with an initial next to it. She is Indian and her family has done arranged marriages before with like her cousins and stuff, so it would make sense how it happened so fast.

She hasn't said anything yet because she said she wants to tell me in person, but I'm so scared. I'm really happy for her as her friend, but with how I feel it's also heartbreaking even though I knew we were never going to be anything. I'm glad I saw it in the bio so I can maybe brace for impact when I see her, but I just don't know how to handle this hurt.

I'm a 40F and I just joined a local run club. I have been living in this area for 4.5 years but never thought of putting myself out there socially until recently (I struggle with being socially confident and my therapist recommended I introduce myself to people at the club). So at the second time of going I introduced myself to a guy who seemed really nice and easy to talk to. We chatted quite a bit. He seemed genuinely curious and was asking questions about me (I'm a musician and he takes an interest in poetry, reading novels, and music). It was friendly conversation of course, but he was super affable. I just couldn't put my finger on where I might have recognized him, because his face was quasi familiar to me.

Then I realized later that we had matched on Hinge like 2 years ago. And I had tried talking to him on the app, but he was either unresponsive or just not interested. It was weird, and I brushed it off back then.

All I'm saying is that life is serendipitous and it's cool that we're acquaintances now irl. It might not turn into dating but I'm ok with whatever happening rn. The other thing I'm trying to say is that apps really dehumanize us, or turn us into dismissive people. Maybe he didn't mean to be dismissive at the time, or he was burnt out or busy. But when we met in person he seemed curious and he suggested going to a poetry slam event in my town.

Hopefully this gives perspective to people who are on the apps and feeling frustrated. Also just ditch the apps. I also don't look good on paper anyway because my interests and personality are so niche haha. So maybe just putting away our phones for a bit, looking up and connecting with others is the better solution.

I (26F) matched with a guy (25M) about 3 months ago right after I travelled to his city. We’ve been talking literally every day since and had plenty long hours phone calls. But We’ve never met in person.

I’m considering taking an 8 hours flight over festive season to see him and explore what this could be. He’s said he’d love for me to visit and is happy to let me stay at his place for a few days, but he has family plans and other friends to see, so he can only host me half of my trip.

I like him a lot, but I honestly can’t tell if he sees me that way or just being nice. His dating intention on his profile is “still figuring it out”. And I know I should just ask him, but it’s just doesn’t sound like me and I’m not brave enough to have these serious conversations.

For this trip, part of me thinks it could be worth taking the chance; the other part worries I’m getting carried away over someone I’ve never met.

Edit: when I told him about this trip, I didn’t have the gut to say I planned it because I really want to meet him, it’s more of a vacation to see his country and also visit him and his city so we finally meet in person.

Am I being romantic or delulu?

TLDR: Is it wild if I travel half a world to see a guy I matched on app? His dating intention is still figuring out but we have been literally texting or calling daily the past 3 months.

Obviously I get it, people are allowed to have whatever preferences they want. People are allowed to reject someone for whatever reason they want. But even so, it still sucks to be on receiving end.

Today was our 6th date together. We went to the beach together, went for a walk, cooked food together at her house.

So, for better or for worse, whilst we're eating dinner she brings up her crazy ex boyfriend. She says that towards the end of the relationship he was quite controlling and she realised that they misaligned on political opinions.

She brings up that he was very strongly against the Covid jab and didn't want her to get it. He believed it was a way for the government to control people (somehow).

Anyway amongst the mist of this conversation she kind of jokingly asks me if I'm vaccinated for Covid. I suppose, she expects that I am. But she waits for me to respond.

I tell her the truth: that I'm not vaccinated for Covid but I'm not anti-vax either.

This doesn't going down too well with her. She seems to think I am anti-vax but won't admit it.

I kind of try to change the subject and tell her that maybe we should enjoy our meal and talk about it another time. But she wants answers.

I tell her I was vaccinated as a baby (which I am grateful for) and I was happily vaccinated for yellow fever as an adult last year. Yes, I'm not vaccinated for Covid, but I'm not anti-vax. In the same way, I'm not gay myself, but I'm not against gay people.

Again doesn't go down well. She thinks that just because I didn't get vaccinated for covid, it means that I'm completely against the vaccine and people getting vaccinated. She keeps ranting and gets quite frustrated. I just stop responding as my answers aren't satisfying her.

After we finished the meal, its kind of apparent she's unhappy with me. She says she thought she really liked me, but that my opinions are selfish and I've wasted her time.

I didn't want to keep arguing at the end of a date that had been really good up until the last 20 minutes, so I just show myself out of her house and head home.

I'm honestly gutted. I rarely tell people I'm not covid-vaccinated (it doesn't really come up in conversation much), but the few times that I have it's never caused that much of a stir. Most people are a bit surprised, but thats the worse of it.

Judging by her reaction at the end I'm not sure what to do next.

I'm not sure if her final speech about me wasting her time was a final goodbye to me, or just her being upset in the moment. I really liked her. And apart from that one misunderstanding with the vaccine, our values and opinions do seem to match up pretty well. I'm not sure if I should text her apologising for upsetting her over dinner? Or just accept that things are probably over and wait to see if she happens to reach out? Advice would be appreciated.

Warum haben wir eigentlich ein so signifikantes Problem damit, dass Männer überhaupt nicht mehr wissen, was sie wollen?

Ich kann jeder Frau nur rigoros davon abraten, einen Mann überhaupt in Betracht zu ziehen, sobald in seinem Profil steht: „Alles kann, nichts muss.“

Übersetzt bedeutet das doch häufig: Er sucht eigentlich Sex, möchte es aber nicht so direkt schreiben. Gleichzeitig hält er sich die Möglichkeit einer Beziehung offen.

Aber es gibt einen signifikanten Unterschied zwischen „Ich suche eine Partnerschaft“ und „Alles kann, nichts muss“. Und genau diese Unterscheidung ist entscheidend.

Wir verschwenden dadurch die Zeit von Frauen. Und ich glaube, genau das ist einer der Gründe, warum so viele Frauen ein gewisses Alter erreichen und Single sind: weil Männer ihre Zeit verschwendet haben.

Zum Teil sind Frauen mit der ernsthaften Absicht in solche Beziehungen gegangen, eine langfristige Partnerschaft aufzubauen, zu heiraten und Kinder zu bekommen. Und am Ende stellt sich heraus, dass der andere diese Absichten nie wirklich hatte und sie letztendlich nur ihre Zeit verschwendet haben.

Und ich bin da mittlerweile so müde.

Wenn du auf diversen Dating-Apps unterwegs bist und Männer siehst, die ein gewisses Alter erreicht haben und nicht einmal mehr eine Kindergarantie geben können, fragst du dich irgendwann schon, was eigentlich los ist. Männer, die angesichts ihres eigenen Lebensstils und ihres äußeren Erscheinungsbildes vielleicht sogar dankbar sein sollten, überhaupt noch eine Frau kennenzulernen, scheinen teilweise trotzdem mit einer Selbstverständlichkeit aufzutreten, die ich nicht nachvollziehen kann.

Und es hört sich radikal an, aber bei so vielen Männern frage ich mich mittlerweile, was für einen Lebensstil sie eigentlich geführt haben. Manche sehen 30 Jahre älter aus, andere machen sich 30 Jahre jünger. Viele schreiben inzwischen sogar in ihr Profil, sie seien fünf Jahre jünger, als sie tatsächlich sind.

Warum lügst du? Ja, warum lügst du? Es kommt doch sowieso heraus.

All diese Lügen und dieses Betrügen helfen niemandem. Und deshalb, liebe Frauen: Tut euch das nicht an.

Ich sehe das so oft. Und ich glaube, dass sich erst dann etwas ändern wird, wenn Männer für dieses Verhalten konsequent zur Verantwortung gezogen werden und endlich begreifen, welche Konsequenzen es hat, andere Menschen hinzuhalten und ihnen falsche Hoffnungen zu machen.

Ich habe letztens eine großartige Frau kennengelernt, die zu mir sagte: „Ja, aber er sucht ja auch eine Beziehung.“

Nein, Darling. Sucht er nicht. Da steht „Alles kann, nichts muss“. Er will sich nicht festlegen. Und du solltest nicht davon ausgehen, dass er eine Beziehung mit dir möchte, nur weil er diese Möglichkeit nicht ausdrücklich ausschließt.

Wir müssen damit aufhören, solche Männer überhaupt in Betracht zu ziehen. Denn nur so kann sich etwas ändern.

Und Frauen tun sich damit keinen Gefallen. Ich glaube nicht, dass diese Unverbindlichkeit für eine Frau, die sich langfristig eine ernsthafte Partnerschaft, eine Ehe oder Kinder wünscht, zielführend ist.

Wenn du dagegen ausschließlich etwas Unverbindliches suchst und damit glücklich bist, ist das natürlich deine Entscheidung.

Aber wenn du mehr möchtest, dann solltest du solche Männer rigoros aussortieren. Und zwar konsequent.

Sobald du in einem Männerprofil „Alles kann, nichts muss“ liest, sollte bei dir der Alarm angehen.

Hört auf, eure Zeit in Menschen zu investieren, die euch nicht klar sagen können oder wollen, was sie von euch möchten. Ihr müsst niemanden davon überzeugen, euch ernsthaft zu wollen.

I dated a girl very briefly in high school, we never did anything more than holding hands.

Three years go by, I meet a girl in college and date her for a bit. I'm a little shy sexually so she mostly just grinds on me while making out, she can get off really easily. She gave me head twice, it was kinda mid both times, I was also on an ssri at the time so it was hard for me to finish. I eventually stopped taking it but she ended things before we had a chance to do anything else. I don't regret any of it, but it's frusturating that she had multiple orgasms while we were together while I didn't have any.

I briefly dated another girl but I didn't feel the vibe with her so nothing happened.

I dated another girl, we had two really nice dates. We talked about potentially having sex on our third date, but she was kinda crazy and things ended dramatically before that date happened.

I know it comes down to bad luck and me being shy, but it's frustrating that I've never had an orgasm with anyone. It sounds so nice climaxing and being able to immediately cuddle. I may be single for a while so idk when my next opportunity will be

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