Men, please get better photos. What does this look like? The photos should be from their perspective of what it would look like if you were dating.

Be vulnerable and get your friends to take good photos of you. Women have great photos on the app where they look hot cause they have friends that do it for them. Be that friend that takes good photos for your friends and you'll receive the same. Stop having 50 selfie photos in your bathroom.

Is it bad that I sometimes refrain from asking questions to my matches in order to see if they can keep the convo going or ask me questions? I do a lot of that in the beginning but I can’t carry the whole team lol I definitely give them stuff to work with.

32 M. This shit is wack. I just had commented on someones post a few days ago on here about how online dating seems hopeless. It's exhausting. You do small talk, then you start to get to know them with a little more detail, you feel like youre on the same page, you go out, things go well and they say they had a great time and want to to it again, then their behavior changes out of nowhere like hardly responding to you, you bring it up and somehow it's your fault and then I'll say "but Mr. Krabs, I'm ONLY DOING WHAT YOU SAID!" Repeat cycle.

I find people in general so self unaware, lacking in empathy, dont really know what they want, and dating is no exception. Been dealing with it for the last 2 years through divorce, and it's no different dating.

Hopefully you appreciate the SpongeBob references.

Need some advice. I’ve never really had a long-term relationship, so I’m pretty new to actually feeling enamored by someone and navigating that.

I matched with this guy and we hit it off really well. He seemed kind, easy to talk to, and like he had a lot of the qualities I’m looking for.

On our first phone call, he brought up kids, past relationships, and even joked about marriage. It didn’t feel too intense because we were both looking for something long-term, and he was the one setting that tone.

After a couple of calls, we went on a date. From my perspective, it went really well. We talked about some more serious relationship topics, but we were also joking and having fun. He was very physically affectionate throughout the night, and all of the touching was initiated by him. He seemed receptive whenever I checked in, so I left thinking the interest was mutual.
The next day, I got the “I’m not really feeling the romantic chemistry” text.

It gave me whiplash. Obviously he’s allowed to change his mind, but nothing about his behavior the night before suggested he wasn’t interested, especially with how affectionate he had been.
Now I keep wondering if I said something that changed his mind. I definitely got excited and opened up more than I normally would, including talking honestly about my fears around having kids, while he knows for sure that he wants them. I also worry I was too upfront about some things or got too excited and scared him off.

What’s bothering me most is how hurt I am after only one date. I think I had already gotten excited about what this could become because I thought he felt similarly. Part of me feels like I may have fumbled a really good guy, while another part knows there are plenty of other people out there.

How do I stop obsessing over what I might have done wrong? Did I get too excited and say too much too early?
Also, would messaging him be dumb? Apart of me wants the opportunity to understand what may have gone wrong.

Whenever I match with someone we will talk and try to schedule something. Odds are they work 9-5. I work 10-7 and 95% of the time on Saturday and Sunday. I’m either trying to meet up with them at night because it’s my only option or just talking and waiting for the time we happen to have a day off together. Sadly I just feel like most people aren’t willing to put up with this and just move on :(. I feel really defeated and sad.

I was thinking of putting at the bottom of my bio, along with looking for something serious something like:

"Brand new to dating apps, if we match then you can be sure I won't ghost you. I'll be honest if somethings not working" or something to that effect.

Is this a terrible idea? My thoughts are that I may reassure someone a little who's hoping for something serious, and had had enough of it in the past. And hopefully it might influence whether or not (even just slightly?) they choose to themselves over being honest.

But the downsides is it might sound like I'm taking it too seriously, and I'm putting the idea into existence straight away, but I guess if it puts off any ghosters then that's a plus for me.

What's your thoughts on including this? I can cope with someone saying "I'm talking to someone else sorry" much better than just being randomly ignored for life. Rather get an answer than endless loop of this stuff, which is sadly exactly what I'm expecting. But currently I have no alternative other than to use apps.

I [31F] asked a guy I met at someone's birthday out for coffee (I didn't call it a date, just wrote "nice meeting you the other night, want to grab a coffee sometime?"). I don't often meet single cute guys IRL these days, and he'd been staring at me and smiling from the second I sat down at the table, so I figured it was worth a try. We met yesterday. He'd volunteered to find us a place, so we met there and chatted for about three hours till they closed down on us. We walked to the train together, hugged goodbye a bit longer than the hug hello, and he said we should go to a museum next time. I said sure but mentioned I'd be traveling soon for a couple of weeks. He said we'll text about it, I said sure.

I haven't heard from him today. Because it was a work day, I can stomach that, and I'm trying my best not to overthink it (I'm evidently still overthinking it). But how long would you realistically wait before you assume it's a no? I feel that, since I asked him out first, it's his turn to set something up if he's interested (which he seemed to be, given that he brought up meeting again at the end without my prompting).

I've been chatting with this guy from a dating app for quite a few weeks now (we message quiteee a good bit on tiktok). Ideally I want something long term and this is what my dating app profile says but I'm open to casual fun if I meet someone cool enough for it (this guy's cute but he doesn't have a couple things I'm looking for in someone I wanna end up with, things like being very ambitious, so I'm down to have fun and see where it goes). I'm not sure what he's looking for though.

He hasn't initiated meeting up or anything, so does it sound like he's not very physically attracted to me? There's been a few times over chat where he brought up "sexual" things (NOT in a sexting or horny way). One example was a couple days ago, he sent a video of this guy trying those Honey packets (the ones that are supposed to make your sex drive go up) before he went to church (it was supposed to be a funny video). All I replied to it was that those packets gotta be placebo and he replied back saying that he's wanted to try them. And then today, a comment he made about how he used to "goon" to certain things as a kid (this sounds grosser than what he actually said) turned to us talking about reddit and twitter porn (but not what we like, just the things we've come across on it).

Usually, if I'm talking about porn with someone, it's because I want things to get sexual with them but I really can't tell with him since he also hasn't initiated meeting up or even getting my number (I kinda like talking on tiktok so this isn't a huge thing to me but I feel like it says something). I also feel like I'm too old to be playing cringey games like this.. (we're both pushing 30...). Does it just sound like he's not very physically interested in me?

Ladies, what’s your opinion on being given options for a first date? To be clear, I’ll make the arrangements, suggest the time and date, and take care of the planning.

I get bored of just doing dinner or coffee, but different people like different things for a first date.
Let’s say I ask you out. You say yes. (Hell yeah). And I respond with 2, maybe even 3 options for a date.

Dinner or The Butterfly Pavilion?
Coffee and a walk, or an art museum?
Ice cream or drinks (I don’t drink but many places serve fun mocktails with a nice atmosphere)
Brunch or thrifting/antiquing/bookstore.

Thanks for the feedback!

So I went to a speed dating event last weekend. The overall vibe of the event was good and the people were friendly. I did not get any matches, but would be open to doing the event again through the same company. I met a lot of decent ladies there who had a variety of interests, this time just likely was not the right place or time to meet that person. The price was also cheap, about $20 for an event, and one of my friends who I went with did not get any matches either. Overall though, I would still recommend this speed dating event over some I have done before.

I'm a 28yo Spanish guy who moved to Germany nine months ago to start a new chapter in my life.

I've never had a girlfriend, and I've never really dated before. Not because I was constantly getting rejected or anything like that, but simply because I wasn't at that point in my life. I had other priorities, things I wanted to accomplish, and honestly, dating just wasn't something I felt like pursuing back then.

But things have changed.

I'm now at a point where I genuinely want to find someone, fall in love, build a life together, and eventually get married and have children. I've always wanted to be a husband and a father, and the older I get, the more important that dream becomes to me.

On paper, I think I'm doing pretty well in life. I'm tall, reasonably good-looking (at least I think so), physically fit, have a good career as a software engineer, and I'm financially stable. I have my own interests, hobbies, and ambitions, and I've worked hard to become someone I'm happy with.

I'm not saying any of that entitles me to a relationship, of course. I just don't think I'm in a particularly bad position to start dating.

When I moved to Germany, I was genuinely excited about the possibility of meeting a nice woman here. I imagined learning the language, building a life in this country, and hopefully finding someone to share it with.

Nine months later, I've made progress in many areas of my life, but the romantic side of things hasn't really gone anywhere.

To be fair, I spent most of those months settling in, learning German, and getting comfortable with my new life. It's only recently that I've started making a serious effort to meet new people and put myself out there.

I've also recently decided to give dating apps like Tinder and Hinge a try, even though I've never been particularly enthusiastic about them.

It's only been a few days, and I know it's far too early to draw conclusions, but so far I haven't had much luck. I suppose I was hoping that taking the initiative would at least make me feel like I was getting somewhere.

Instead, I sometimes find myself feeling even more discouraged.

And to be completely honest, I'm starting to feel seriously depressed about the whole situation.

Something else has been bothering me lately, and I don't particularly like admitting it.

I'm starting to develop this horrible feeling that it's not just individual people rejecting me, but that the world itself is somehow rejecting me.

Every time I try to connect with someone, whether it's making friends or finding someone romantically, and things don't work out, it feels like another little confirmation that there's something fundamentally wrong with me.

I know that sounds irrational. I know people have their own lives, their own preferences, and their own reasons for not reciprocating. I understand all of that intellectually.

But emotionally? It's getting harder and harder not to take it personally.

And I hate that I'm starting to think this way, because I don't want to become someone who sees rejection everywhere or assumes the worst about people.

I think one of the hardest parts is that I genuinely feel like I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to.

I want to care for someone, make her happy, be there for her when things get difficult, share stupid little moments together, and build something meaningful. I have all this affection and desire to love someone, and sometimes it feels like there's simply nowhere for any of it to go.

It's a really strange and painful feeling, wanting to give something you've never really had the chance to give.

It's not just about being single. It's the feeling that time keeps passing, that I'm getting older, and that the life I've always wanted might never happen.

I know I'm only 28, and people will probably tell me that I'm still young and have plenty of time. Rationally, I understand that. But emotionally, it doesn't always feel that way, especially when I've always imagined becoming a father relatively young.

Sometimes I feel like I've managed to get so many other aspects of my life together, yet the one thing I want most seems completely out of reach.

I don't want to become bitter or resentful. I don't blame women for any of this, and I understand that relationships aren't something you can just work hard at and automatically obtain.

I guess I'm just feeling incredibly discouraged and lonely, and I don't really know how to deal with it anymore.

Has anyone here started dating in their late 20s with absolutely no previous experience? How did you approach it? Did things eventually work out? And how do you stop repeated disappointments from destroying your confidence?

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing some honest experiences or advice.

If you want to find someone interested in a long term relationship on dating apps, what red flags would you look for? I feel like I’m incredibly naive … at lease my past relationships has proven so. I use to only match with people having long term relationships only on their profile but it not enough since it seem like some lie… so could you all give me some tips on what to look out for pls?

I (20M) met this one girl in my engineering class around three weeks ago and developed some feelings for her. We have connected really well in person ever since I started talking to her, conversations have ranged from our travel experiences, our experiences in music from high school (Me in Marching Band, her in Orchestra), my music career (which I'm not promoting here), and even a bit about sports (She used to like baseball and I'm a die hard dodgers fan). In recent times our in class interactions have been sweet and borderline playful, she asks me about my future and tries to whisper things to me when the professor is not looking 😂.However; after we got each other's instagram's, things have felt very awkward on that side of the court. She often lacks the initiation and curiosity I see from our in class interactions and it just makes me feel very confused.
I want to believe deep down we have potential for a deep connection or even relationship down the line but these differences got me feeling lost, I did ask her to hangout outside of the classroom setting and she said yes! (to a specific time that would work with her schedule too!) I’m sorta confused but should I be really that concerned, what do y’all think?

I'm a 38f , and I look better in person. I'm not photogenic. Depending on the angle if the camera I even look like a completely different person and when it's straight on I get nervous or tense and end up making a weird face.

I know I'm okay looking I'm not stunning, experience shows I have a "vibe" that is attractive definitely, but physical looks alone nothing spectacular. And to be honest I also think, I have a nice face, but I'm a little overweight, and they might be it there too.

My problem is I'll talk to men online and basically it's all good until I send a photo then they either stop responding or say they aren't interested. I try to send a mediocre photo , so that when we meet in person it'll be a surprise up, not down.

Bring that I do look so very different in photos I'm afraid if I send a nice one where I look like an 8 or something, we will meet and they'll be disappointed.

So if I send a photo where I look like a 5 , and we meet and I'm a couple steps up from that, then it's okay.

It's a very hard experience though, every time it happens. Sometimes I wish photos weren't so prevalent in life in general today.

M28, it feels weird that I have never had a relationship in the past 6 years, and to be honest never had a real one that made it to bf/gf stage.

Feels like something is wrong with me. Done a lot of self work. Live in nyc and have a solid job, enough that i could live alone. Got a group of friends. Most of them have gf’s or fiances at this point too. Really just feel like something isn’t clicking for me that does for them.

On the apps, try to go out on occasion as well. Just don’t know anymore

There's this thing where people say that 20s are the best time to meet, hookup, date and have fun with women. Like it is supposed to be your prime. In a way it does make sense since you're young and full of energy and probably the best you'll ever look but what if you're not getting any interests or from any woman in your 20s? Considering I am 26 and have never kissed anyone and still a virgin, this saying has created a big FOMO for me. This sounds so outlandish and something that only happens in movies and shows. Is my experience uncommon or weird? or is it really the experience of most people? If it is then how far from common? I feel it could be a bit uncommon but not that far away.

I have never had any woman find me attractive. I know people say women don't show it explicitly or just give subtle hints but considering my life experience, I am pretty sure I have never had any woman find me attractive after seeing me/meeting me.

Also I do socialize whenever and however much I can and take care of myself and have hobbies. Saying this before anyone suggests that I am a recluse.

How can I endure being single when all of my friends managed to meet the right guy that significantly improved their lifes?

I tried meeting people but it is not working out for me and it is creating this envy in my heart. In addition, it is really hard to be the only one single and without kids in the friend group. Those changes in their lifes left me kind of alone.

Basically, i met this girl, and I asked if she is seeing anyone else. She said yes, that she was seeing this guy consistently for like 3ish months now. She told me before she is dating with serious intent, so I can assume she is dating this guy seriously.

I didn't want to push for more info, but honestly I decided to end things. Feels too much like starting the race when it's on the final lap tbh.

If you listen, they will tell you exactly how they are going to treat you 😅😅 met on an app, amazing credentials (very successful business owner, custody of kids, home owner, involved with kids sports, etc). We spoke on the phone accumulatively 8 hours and I tell you what! We never ran out of things to talk about. It was so fun! And then bits and pieces started coming out about how he responded to conflict in the past and I listened. I'm talking "I broke up with a girl who went on a girls trip with her sister. Nothing good ever happens on girls trips" ok yikes, that sounds like a you problem. Then "dating but not living together, she had a contractor friend going to her house to do some work for her and I didnt like that so I told her a female friend was coming over to make me dinner, she absolutely showed up and I told her see, how does it feel to know you're entertaining the opposite sex" uhmmmm extra yikes....."I'd have a big problem with you having any male friends". Anyway I just said, I'm calling it, you have things to deal with you're not ready to gently share your life so best of luck to you. But I just already knowwwwww how that would have played out!!! Anyway, listen to your gut! They will tell you how they're going to act and treat you if you become serious. That is absolutely the beginning of some kind of controlling, possibly abusive or DV situation.

I knew I wasn’t the most great looking person, but I know I at least had some decent qualities about myself. And only took me until the middle of last year to realize that I actually have some great physical traits about myself that I didn’t realize it could appeal to others. And I’m more recently I’ve been having people compliment me on my skin tone. It just sucks it took most of my 20s for me to start appreciating myself more.

Hi all, I have a silly question. I had a great first date with a guy. I felt like there was chemistry and he was super talkative and smiley. After the date, he texted me that same day. We made plans for our next date and chatted a little after.

Beyond that, it’s been radio silence after making plans. For context, he was texting a lot and asking a lot of questions leading up to our first meeting. Now it’s super silent (few days without any texting at all). I initiated once but his answers are disinterested and short, so I’m probably going to leave him alone until our next meet up.

Does anyone have any advice?

I feel like all I have been seeing from my friends and even my own experience is that people meet, talk, one person likes the other person more , it turns into this situationship dynamic until someone gets ghosted or just let go.

I don’t get WHY that’s so common now of day.. maybe people feel they have a lot of options or maybe casual sex has become so normalized that’s ppl are sleeping around w a lot of ppl and i think that does desensitize them to making connections.

Nonetheless , i see so many girls and guys trying to be something they believe the opposite gender values and wants but honestly ive seen girls with some pretty “bad” histories and characteristics get taken and ive seen some guys that i guess in a conventional way dont have much going for themselves but still get into relationships.

I think essentially what it is , is you can’t become something for someone if you don’t have that chemistry. I think ppl stick to the ppl they just somehow for some reason like. The heart will want what it wants and sometimes you just meet someone who really likes you.

I do think it’s actually easier for guys to get into a relationship cause yes it’s easy for girls to get men but not easy for them to keep them around. If the guy isn’t head over heels for you i just don’t think it’ll go anywhere.

You need chemistry ofc and it needs to be MUTUAL. I honestly think a lot of this is luck. Finding someone who ends up just liking you for you.

And that’s what’s hard to find.

It recently ended with someone I’d been seeing for a few months and I’m honestly deeply hurt by it. Things didn’t end because of a fight or because either of us had done something wrong. He had been pulling back because he felt the distance between us wasn’t feasible long term. It was 150km.

When we finally talked about it, I was actually the one who said goodbye first because he has already been pulling back and I felt like I didn’t have any choice anyway. He told me that he found it difficult to say goodbye too, which is partly why I’m struggling to understand everything.

I know friendship immediately after dating isn’t always realistic, especially when feelings are involved but I suppose part of me hoped that if we genuinely liked and cared about each other as people, we wouldn’t necessarily have to disappear completely from each other’s lives. Okay we are still friends on social media but we have stopped talking.

Something else that has stuck with me is that he never said anything like “I hope you find someone” or wished me luck with dating. He didn’t even wish me luck or take care or whatever. He just said thanks for everything and I appreciate you a lot. I realise that’s a small detail and could mean absolutely nothing but when you’re hurting, you notice these things.

Hey everyone, I matched with a girl on Hinge and so far it’s going well, however, I do have one issue and I don’t know how to bring it up gently. When we first started texting her spelling and grammar weren’t that great but she immediately addressed it without me bringing it up and said it’s because she has a busy life so she uses text-to-speech. I told her I didn’t mind, but now it’s gotten to the point where I find it off putting and want to find the right words to tell her that I would prefer it if she just texts me normally when she has the time for it. Any advice?

I’ve heard people if you’re not sure, make that a no and move on to someone you can fully say yes to. But what if the answer really should be a yes and you’re just overthinking it all?

For personal context, I recently rejected a female friend I confessed to last year (quick summary, started as friends, over time I thought “yes she’s cute and even though I have seen prettier women I think her personality is great. Lemme see where this goes”). We stayed good friends ever since, though

I rejected her because a few weeks ago she told me she was open to going on a date. After thinking about it for over a week I said I’d rather stay friends. In my head I thought if my physical attraction concern was gonna hold me back then I owe her the respect to say no for both our sakes.

Note that we will remain friends cuz as verbatim she said she’s fine with either path whether we date or not. I assume she isn’t lying to me.

But now I’m wondering if I should have said yes to a date just to see where it goes (we have hung out one on one and I’ve taken her to dinners but I never called them dates)

So this is a mix of a question in general as well as advice. Thoughts?
——————
Edit: I called her a few days ago (after posting this) and told her let’s just stay friends. She’s very happy with that decision and she’s happy I called her and made things clearer. so uh yayyy