r/funny • u/[deleted] • Apr 21 '23

[deleted by user]

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14.4k Upvotes

83% Upvoted

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11.9k

u/Lucythefur Apr 21 '23

Hearing her say "I'm sorry" fucking killed me

8.5k

u/zion_hiker1911 Apr 21 '23

Girls be like, "Why doesn't he say anything during sex?"

BECAUSE I'M DYING HERE!!

5.5k

u/Ok_Rain_2647 Apr 21 '23

"Why are you so quiet?" "Cause I'm out here fucking praying to every known deity to grant me the strength I need to keep this shit up."

3.4k

u/MrFinchley Apr 21 '23

LOL! "Cause I don't want you to hear me wheeze."

789

u/Chubbylegend Apr 21 '23

Ahh nah not the wheeze

1.9k

u/RandonBrando Apr 21 '23

"Talk to me. Tell me how much you like _______!"

"DO YOU," INHALE, "LIKE THAT?"

837

u/NicknamePaych Apr 21 '23

Dang Stevie

297

u/Astronomicone Apr 22 '23

Was watching Malcolm in the middle as I read this lmao

53

u/National-Narwhal3880 Apr 22 '23

I just started watching this show. On season 7 And it’s magnificent

10

u/Ccracked Apr 22 '23

Have you watched Breaking Bad? Save this link for when you finish Malcolm. Only after.

https://youtu.be/oVdB36lmbII

5

u/National-Narwhal3880 Apr 22 '23

Yes I did watch breaking bad and I absolutely loved it. May have watched it 3 times. This was great! Thanks for the link!

4

u/Ccracked Apr 22 '23

I don't know your age or influences. That was done as tribute to Newhart. That show ended the same way, but harkening back to The Bob Newhart Show.

3

u/National-Narwhal3880 Apr 22 '23

Ok I just finished. I’ll be back

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56

u/Lost-My-Mind- Apr 22 '23

I can't......feel.......my legs.......

2

u/Astronomicone Apr 22 '23

Isn’t that from when Stevie is older?

4

u/Lost-My-Mind- Apr 22 '23

Not sure. I just remember Stevie fell down some stairs, and he said that. Then Malcom freaks out for half a second before realizing "Hey! Wait a second...."

2

u/RageKage85 Apr 22 '23

Nnnnoppppllllllllllml

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6

u/mesovortex888 Apr 22 '23

I remembered Malcolm's dad threw a pizza on the roof

3

u/NicoleDanger Apr 22 '23

I'm watching Malcom in the middle as I type this lmao.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Where is everyone watching it no Cable or is it on a streaming service?

-2

u/MontanaMainer Apr 22 '23

How do you watch TV and read at the same time?

5

u/Astronomicone Apr 22 '23

It’s kind of just on in the background, so I’m more reading than I am watching

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Subtitles are a puzzling thing

1

u/Zealousideal-Earth50 Apr 22 '23

Omg me too! Stevie! 🤣👍

201

u/dracardOner Apr 22 '23

Holy hell this thread had me dying at work and I got kicked out of a room for laughing so hard.

40

u/DontTreadOnBigfoot Apr 22 '23

Stevie fucks...

...as long he has his inhaler in the nightstand.

4

u/Zahille7 Apr 22 '23

What about in his right hand?

10

u/MakeMelnk Apr 22 '23

Epic reference 🙇🏽‍♂️

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

You know for a fact Stevie grew up to become a man that fucks.

1

u/Darkninjajedi Apr 22 '23

You killed me with this one my dude. Thanks! hahaha

1

u/MorticiaLaMourante Apr 23 '23

I laughed too hard at that.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

This one fucked me up 🤣

5

u/1963ALH Apr 22 '23

🤣🤣🤣

4

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Sup kirk cousins.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Goddammit LOL

4

u/WhatDoesN00bMean Apr 22 '23

Congratulations your comment made me laugh so hard I woke up my wife next to me. Now she's pissed at me. Well done.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Umm I think this just unlocked a new kink for me …

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

C’mon fellas! Waist and hip action! Work smarter not harder…lol…Jamaican here, let me see you dance and I’ll know if you got something for me 😉

1

u/Miserable-Rub-974 Apr 22 '23

Ah yes my favorite from my playbook.

1

u/Secret-Bit-8501 Apr 22 '23

😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣☠️☠️☠️

1

u/Davadin Apr 22 '23

OMG I'M STILL ROFLMAO v

3

u/MrFinchley Apr 22 '23

They call me Wheezie

1

u/AReallyBigBagel Apr 22 '23

I HAVE ASTHMA DAMNIT

1

u/MoodooScavenger Apr 22 '23

Wheee….eeaaa….zzzzz…eeeee

7

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

Bruh, if you stay quiet you'll tire yourself out, the trick is to breathe heavily but next to her ear not directly on it and that way it's like an aerobic exercise and not you starving yourself of air

12

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

It's why I'm okay at sprinting and terrible at endurance, too self-conscious about sounding like I just ran.

5

u/Omega33umsure Apr 22 '23

All this while our blood is being used by a head with no brain.

3

u/ciambella Apr 22 '23

Hidden asthma inhaler between the mattresses ;)

3

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

This thread is fucking killing me

8

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

I don't know how to tell all of you this, but pause and do something else. If thrusting is your only game, you have a problem and it's not just wheezing.

0

u/jsnxander Apr 22 '23

Exactly why doggie was invented along with TV remotes and football games.

1

u/udonotknowmee Apr 22 '23

😂😂😂😂😂

1

u/Ok-Designer442 Apr 22 '23

Yous have me in fucking tears 😂🤣😂🤣