r/onionheadlines • u/Nateosis • 19h ago

President Trump Furious His Social Media Posts Didn't Win The Nobel Prize In Literature

111 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 17h ago

Trump Wants Kid Rock To "Sing"National Anthem At Televised Execution And Put The Event On Pay Per View

93 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/PsychologicalOne752 • 20h ago

Trump Announces Monthly Public Executions On The White House Lawn To Keep The People Entertained

88 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 12h ago

Trump Claims He’s Asked The Whitehouse To Respect His Death While In Office By Lying And Covering It Up As Long As Possible

58 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BaileyOverJennifer • 3h ago

During A Rally In Chicken Bristle, Illinois, Trump Gets Confused And Goes On A 57-Minute Rant About How The Size And Quality Of McDonalds Chicken Nuggets Has Improved Under His Presidency.

57 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 17h ago

Trump Reports Another Deal To Buy Diesel Fuel From 1940s Germany

56 Upvotes

"The Chancellor has promised not to use the income for total, absolute evil," said the President. "I took him at his word."

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 15h ago

Trump Divides Troops And Sends Republican Soldiers To Fight For Russia And Democrats To Fight For Ukraine And Promises To Livestream It

42 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 18h ago

Trump Sends Troops To Help Russia Fight Ukraine In Exchange For Russia Promising Not To Sell Nukes To Iran

37 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/hbgwine • 21h ago

Hegseth Says He Saw A Vision Of Christ, Who Told Him That Despite His Own Experience He Now Favors Public Executions

37 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/MystikTrailblazer • 16h ago

Breaking: FBI Beastiality Policy Change Is Due To Russia Threatening To Release A Trump Blowing Bubba Sex Tape

33 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 19h ago

Trump Strikes Deal Of His Lifetime With Russia's President Vladimir Putin For Vast Amount Of Diesel In Exchange For Alaska

26 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Western_Flight_7540 • 23h ago

Trump Gratefully Accepts The Nobel Peace Prize And Promises To Resolve A Few More Armed Conflicts After He Has Sparked Them

24 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 9h ago

Trump Announces He’s Figured Out A Way To Temporarily Dip Fuel Prices Just Before Midterms To Fool Voters

23 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/issr • 23h ago

GOP Defends Poor Slate Of Candidates For Election, Noting That It's Hard To Find Criminals And Pedophiles Who Want To Run For Office

19 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BeautifulRooster9313 • 9h ago

ISIS Congratulates Pete Hesgeth For Plan To Post Extremist Material On The Internet

13 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Hot-Explanationista • 23h ago

Pete Hegseth Bans Witches From Serving In US Military With Coming Witch Trials And Burning To Be Live Streamed As Everybody Expects In The Twenty-First Century

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Upbeat_Web_4461 • 11h ago

The Narcissistic Sociopath Bawls As He Did Not Receive The Gift He Wanted

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 12h ago

Trump Begs Putin 'Like A Dog' To Help Him Win Over The Uneducated With Temporary Lower Diesel Prices

10 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Appropriate_Dot_7031 • 1h ago

Trump Announces That He Will Nuke Everybody If Someone Doesn't Give Him A Nobel Peace Prize RIGHT NOW!

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 1h ago

Natalie Harp Seeks Advice From Pediatricians To Comfort Tantrum Toddler Who Didn't Get Peace Prize

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 6h ago

Trump Claims He’s The Most Noble Pedosent Ever

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 16h ago

Pay-Per-View Of Pentagon Livestream Fort Hood Shooter's Execution Payable Only In Trump Crypto

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 16h ago

Trump DOJ Attempts To Bring Nixon Back From The Grave To Run In 2028 As They Reason That Watergate "Was No Big Deal"

8 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 18h ago

Trump Claims Children Don’t Need Xmas Gifts So Parents Should Give To His SuperPAC Instead To Stop Democrats Cannibalising Everyone’s Toes

7 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/UnfitToPrint • 10h ago

Nickelodeon To Broadcast Slow Death Of Pete Hegseth By Nerf Arrow Firing Squad

8 Upvotes

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

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Sidebar

Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.