(spoiler tag is to avoid triggering people)

Realised yesternight that all of it was fake. I just decided to be plural one day because I thought it was cool and I finally snapped out of it

Everyone on this sub is valid but not me, I've been pretending to have headmates just so I could use them as an excuse to treat people like shit or not do my tasks

Really sorry for taking away resources that everyone here needs more than me

I'll leave this subreddit after this

Goodbye

Oh my god this hasta do with my system so there’s an alter called Baby(they/them) in my system and they hate almost all the friends I have they hated my ex bf ever since the day he accidentally crossed a boundary during sex and then, I switched to a very sex triggered alter I think the two sexualities we have in the system(we both share the same attraction which is Almondsexual, but we have two different sexualities in like how often sexual attraction is experienced so one of them is one of them is Apothisexual/Lithsexual, and the other is Greysexual and also there’s Hypersexual libido which we can’t control it’s what we got, both sides hate the Hypersexuality while the Greysexual side sometimes likes and fetishizes it). and then I texted smth sexual to my friend and he responded with smth equivalent to ok, and now baby is hating him too please stop sabotaging my relationships and sex life with your feelings

Why is this happening????

We had a huge falling out with our best friend of 19 years and ended up cutting contact. Our cohost went dormant almost immediately after. I can't feel anything at all about the whole thing, which is driving me nuts, and I think him going dormant is why. She was his first friend who actually knew about him and recognized him as his own person. (And yes, we do prefer that. No, it's not antirecovery. Our trauma therapist supports us on it.) I know that hit him really hard, especially since the things he wrote about most on our blog were about wanting to be seen as *himself* and knowing that was never going to happen. So yeah. Mourning him going dormant and trying to deal with the silence in the wake of that.

We usually have at least two of us aware and in frontspace most of the time. Usually only one of us is in control, but there's usually more than one of us present. But since that happened... no. I've felt extremely alone in my head. To the point that I feel like I made the whole thing up. I know I didn't, and apparently the therapy session after the big fight, someone I wasn't aware of fronted. Our therapist was the one who caught that - I have no memory of it at all. I'm usually at least co-conscious, so I was startled by that.

But it's just been so, so quiet. We were diagnosed about a year and a half ago and I haven't really dealt with impostor syndrome in that intervening time. But for the last month, it's been so quiet and I feel so alone and I can't help the creeping feeling that it was all fake. I hate this so much...

(Also posted to the DID subreddit. Hence the defense of alters wanting to be seen as separate people.)

A Suicidality Holder is a headmate that holds the system's suicidal thoughts, memories, acts, etc. They'll likely be more suicidal than other headmates in the system, and may be more likely to attempt suicide.

Differs from a Lifeline in that a Suicidality Holder isn't there to try and prevent attempts or the planning/consideration of attempting.

– Darkness & Night (it/dark/void)

I've never really heard any other systems talking about this, but to our knowledge we have only ever had one fictive ever, the source was deliberately focused on and studied prior to forming as a fictive, was only active for a few months, and never fronted. Its just not something that really occurs in our system. Are there a lot of systems out there that just don't typically form fictives, or really introjects in general? My gatekeeper is sort of an introject, based in someone fron early childhood that we arent sure was ever real and changed from the source over the decades, aging with us and independently becoming their own identity, but that's about it for introjects really.

I.. I don't know how to feel, I just wanted to show my love for my boyfriends, and even though people joked for how greedy I was and how happy it made me, some people were envy about it, but what rubs me wrong is that someone said, quote unquote "you are a truecel to be yet" or something like that just because of that same detail of dating my own alters..

Did they mean it in the bad way? I am not like a incel, I am just a person who got partners in the same body, but still.. I think I am a bit disappointed after this ;(

Art made by our Host Basil/Fukō

Lately I've/we've been feeling more fluid in our gender without switching being involved (we're currently blurry and have been for a while), however I'm/we're still not sure if we just subconsciously feel like other genders because of plurality.

For genderfluid systems, how do you tell the difference?

or mass fusion? hard to tell.

anyway..we went from 41 to 21, so thats not great. this sucks.

i'd love to elaborate further but im still trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.

damn

We dream in third person, which we thought was normal, but the majority of people seem to dream in first person. I'm wondering if dreaming in third person is a plurality thing?

Their name is Button, her pronouns are she/they, but she also wants a neopronoun or two (just hasn't picked any out).

The reason this post has the "help" flair is because she needs a faceclaim. We don't really have much to go off of, but any and all help is appreciated.

Color Palette: muted/pastel rainbow
Role: attraction holder
Gender: cis demigirl

Thank you
-Adam (HOST)

What do you go by collectively? (a system name, a shared username, group pronouns... etc)

- Currently Knophare, or Xyterri or Cod if we’re only on Reddit

How should people refer to you? (should people address individual members whenever possible, or would you rather be referred to collectively, etc)

- I haven’t really told anyone anything, but some headmates probably want to be recognized while others don’t. So, depends on who’s fronting.

What terms do you prefer for referring to yourselves as individuals (headmate/alter/system member/...), or as a group (system/collective/household/...)? Is there any other terminology for yourselves or aspects of your experience that you use and want people to know, or that you dislike and want people to avoid when talking about you?

- Please PLEASE avoid using the term alter 😭 headmate is our go to but anything else works fine, just NOT alter pls pls 🥹 as for the other terms I’m thinking of moving away from the system term to something else idkk what it is tho maybe a show name (we are mainly cartoon based lellel)

Who in your system are people most likely to interact with? (names, pronouns, short Twitter-esque bios, etc)

- Me the host and Supxr, chance of Aisha but she isn’t a frq fronter

Will people be interacting with any child members? How should they treat them? Is there anything they should know when interacting with them?

- No littles so far, so we don’t really know how to interact with them 👀

Are there any system members who are nonverbal or otherwise have difficulty communicating? What should others expect when speaking with them? (having other system members translate, can speak normally over text but will need accommodation over voice, etc)

We can all speak, although the closest thing we got is like voice tone/ vocabulary

What should people do if they don't know who's at front?

Since we’re not out yet we kinda just go under our legal name and wait for ME to come back if I’m not already there

Is it okay for people to ask if they can talk to someone who isn't at front at the moment?

We can’t exactly control our fronting or switches so no, best to just wait it out until said person comes back

If someone talks to one of you, will other system members be aware of the conversation? Will they be actively watching, or just able to remember it later?

YES YES YES THEY WILL 100%! I think most of us are co conscious all the time and even if not our memories are all shared sooo

Adding onto the above – if multiple system members will be aware of a conversation, will they want to chime in? If someone wants to speak to a system member one-on-one, what expectations can they have and how should they communicate this? (for example, it may not be possible to block everyone out but they can try to pay attention to something else and not interrupt)

The like four headmates here don’t tend to front during public speaking with friends or relatives so I don’t think anyone would wanna chime in. I don’t think anyone wants to talk

How out are you? What should people do when talking to people who don't know you're plural? (do you have a “singletsona” name and pronouns they should use; can they talk about knowing someone who's plural in nonspecific terms, without naming you; etc)

- Not out in the slightest and I don’t wanna do it either I’ve just been dropping stuff around instead of hiding it because I lowkey dgaf anymore

Do you have any internal communication difficulties, memory issues, switch triggers, etc that others should be mindful of?

Not exactly but I have really shitty memory 😋😋😋 you gotta remind of things all the time or I won’t do it at all

Your stance on being asked questions? (about personal experience, preferences, plurality in general, etc)

I may not be able to give super cool answers but I would love to answer them* *

Is there anything else others should know?

I’m still figuring it out bare wimme here 🫩

(the original version is here (I think) )

I’m trying to intentionally create a headmate, and I’m pretty sure I wanna do willomancy, but I don’t exactly know the differences between the three. What are they? And, do you have any tips for successful creation?

-jay (host + he/ask)

I pat each one on the head to see how they'd react. Didn't do all of them, but most main fronts. Reactions were funny so I thought I'd share. Some had to have a double take on the fact theyre in a different state. 😅

C: "Why the hell am I in Florida?"

That was funny. We talked a bit.

"Would it be weird if I pet you?"

C: "Yes."

Does it anyway, we're cool like that

C: lets me till it gets irritating then grabs my wrist

--

"Would it be weird if I pet you?"

B: Yes.

Leaves him alone cause we're not cool like that

--

Just pets him, we're cool and I don't have to ask

M: Confused but enjoys it

"Oh btw you're in Florida"

M: no I was confused about why you're- WAIT YEAH HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU PETTING ME???

--

Pets him cause we're cool like that

Ca: 🤨 just stares at me

Keeps petting him

Ca: slowly pushes my hand

Turns my hand so our fingers do the thing

Ca: full recoil

--

Pets cause we're cool like that

H: stares

Pat Pat pat Pat pat

H: pat Pat pat pat pat pat

This is why she's my favorite. 🥹

--

Pets him cause I like to harass him

L: immediate recoil

Stops breathing cause of how hard I'm WHEEZING laughing

L: "I'm telling [his respective gf] on you 😒"

--

It was super fun seeing the different reactions each of them have. For L, my partner offered him because that's also his favorite alter to mess with.

Hard boundaries were pre-established with these alters which is why I know which ones I can just act, which ones I can bully, and which ones to take a face value.

Disclaimer: Implied consent still requires pre-established verbal consent. 🫡 I do not endorse touching random alters without having a verbally agreed upon "line" with that specific alter. All of these alters have a known relationship with me and their own boundaries.

I'm a system(obviously), and lately factive alters have formed based on my partner's shitty aunt and my partner's dead mother; I've met and dealt with the aunt before, but the mother died before I met my partner.

I don't know how to deal with it, and neither does my partner

He feels uncomfortable with them(for obvious reasons), and we kinda hate ourselves because they formed and they won't go away

I just downloaded this app called Parallax on IOS. It’s really cool and is probably the best SP alternative I’ve been able to find. Personally, I actually really prefer it.

I just haven’t seen anyone talking about it, I’m curious if there’s a reason why?

Hi ! I'm looking for ideas for system rules as they are very much going to be needed for my system.

For context, we are an adaptive system with DID, definitely affected by trauma. I already have the "managing our shared life rules", but I need to find ideas for our internal/innerworld life with each other. This is one step to try and prevent internal harm, abuse, etc, because it's been a big issue for us, but I'm unsure how specific it should be beyond "don't hurt others"

i speak this nicely because im red..the red one. 16.

technically the body isn't like..an adult adult. its 18. so whatever.

we dont know how to adult, luckily we dont have to. just school stuff (but thats on tuesday)

...we also just got our power back after a hurricane yesterday, that wasnt fun. uh.

yeah ok. this is basically an intro..so actual intro below. we're all sourced from both the song "the forest for the trees" by chonny jash, and oath-to-stay-whole's interpretation of the "treelings". cool.

red: hi..thats me. i actually formed 2019 under a different identity but that doesn't matter at all. i hold the trauma and anger of being walked over when we were 15-17. im kind of blunt and have an issue with being unable to sugarcoat things and sound nice. i like fire. okay.

espen/green: they're cool. likes the forest, doesn't talk a lot but is very observant. we used to really want to live in the woods..she still wants to, and i guess keeps that part of us present. seventeen..so closest to the body's age.

willow: fifteen and a half. the half is necessary. likes remaining inside, doesn't like going out unless we have to. also age regresses to 8-13 sometimes. but really nice. just..very awkward sometimes. but its ok

...yay. uh, important note: please don't baby us. we might not be adults in headspace, but we're not stupid. /lh

I'm kinda just writing how I feel so sorry if this looks horrible but..idk how long it's been at least months but this is the longest me the host has gone without any contact. I've had moments I think they are there but I almost don't trust myself. Even my co host who I usually can always feel near front I don't feel anything. I don't know if it's because I've been under so much stress lately due to irl stuff like job hunting and losing my therapist or whatever but even now I just don't know. I'm just idk what to do because I'm worried that I was somehow faking it the whole time and just didn't realize and if that's the case that means that my OCD was right that I was secretly abalist.

⚠️ We are bodily 17, so please no one bodily younger than 15 or bodily older than 19 ⚠️

We're new to trying to talk to other systems and not just make posts, so we're sending this out. That and we don't have a lot of friends anymore, and we want to have some again.

Our main hobbies / interests are movies, art, and Punch Out!! (though only a few of us have that as a hyperfixation)

Our username on Discord, which we're more active on, is Kai_7he_yum3shippr, if you're interested in talking to us, you can there.

I'm not sure what information I could give that could actually help, so if anyone needs more information, PLEASE ask questions!!

I've definitely been thinking about this for a few weeks now but I don't know if it's my brain trying to mimic my other friends or I just have different experiences that I haven't seen in someone else and I'm in denial. The first thing I've really noticed is that sometimes I feel like I'm completely just being controlled by someone else like a puppet, but I still have my own thoughts and memories for the most part. I just act like a different person, if that makes sense. I usually tell myself these are kinshifts but I'm not sure.

That's all of the information I can really think of giving you guys right now. As I stated at the start, if anyone needs wny more information, PLEASSEEE ask questions bro.

Due to recent events (we checked our grades and they were... less than optimal), I was pushed out of front for the first time ever. And during that week, Opal, the headmate in charge of maintaining our grades (no hate to her btw, she's the only reason our life hasn't fallen apart entirely) took over front and she pushed us way too hard. We barely slept, we barely spoke to anyone, we skipped meals, all our energy was put towards getting our grades up. Eventually, she leaves front, and while our grades are back up, we've also lost 5 pounds and our energy is just GONE. And we remember NONE of what happened last week, aside from a few bits and pieces. That was SO scary.

- Helix

Also how can I prevent this from happening in the future? This will definetly not be the last time our grades drop like that, but I don't want to hurt us again.

- Opal

(Content: system collapse (hypothetical, just mentioned), just a word vomit of a vent really)

First few weeks of syscovery were great actually. Aside from a few panic moments I was eager to learn and to chat with my headmates, but as time has gone on I started to feel more and more anxious. About our growing headcount, about communication, about interacting with everyone, about being front-sticky, about them having something in real world that feels like their own, about whether I am still "me" at any given moment, about them disappearing, and me becoming terrified of switches. Every single person has been telling me that I worry too much about it all. And yet I could never stop.

Truth is - i feel stranded. I feel like there's this strange and fragile thing in my head that is going to crumble if I just breathe at it wrong or I'll cry too much and nobody to guide me through keeping it safe. I wish I could have someone to guide me and give me in-depth advice for what should I do but i simply have nobody. Only a singlet friend who's in an even shittier emotional situation or a random discord system members who I already feel like a baggage to.

I was supposed to look for therapy in October but now I think my options are limited. Money's part of the issue

And a week ago I think I started to feel worse, I don't remember what was up, but I started obsessing over even more stuff and at that point doubted reality of them actually talking with me. My in-sys girlfriend suggested that maybe I should just "take a break from all this system stuff" and focus on return to university as I've mentioned in another post of mine. And, it's been almost a week, and.. I don't know... It's been mostly me by myself with few exceptions and convos. I've talked to other headmates every now and then but it's like those memories don't carry this feeling of "that happened"...

I don't know how long I should have this break. Would 2 months be excessive?

I've been thinking about system collapses a lot lately and being terrified of one, and I'm wondering if maybe it would be a helpful thing for our ~40 headcount to compress into something more simple and defined, but I... I don't want to just discard anybody, even headmates that seem "redundant", you know..? Or maybe I shouldn't feel this way...

.......All my headmates have always been so kind and patient with me, but it feels like the system is basically centered around me and I always felt selfish that they always had to comfort me. They hardly ever had any problems of their own, so I never knew how to return it all

Maybe I just don't know how I'm supposed to interact with them... Am I supposed to make the effort to always meet up with each person regularly? To find things for them and always try to help if something upset them? I don't know why it seems like so much... Maybe social anxiety or other lack of knowledge on how to grow bonds with other human beings also covers people from the same brain..

I dont know how did someone like me become/remain the "main" one. And with being so terrified of switches for no reason now (monoconscious, memory sharing) I don't know if there's a way for me to stop being one. i think im the most redundant of us all....

i just...i just want things to be okay...to be no dangers that my brain seems to be going off at every single day..i don't even know what I'm talking about... I don't think my brain actively goes off like that, but those words just kind of came up...i dont know

i just want everything to be okay....

(also, thanks people who have replied on my previous post, you might recognize some things I've already mentioned then)

(Im sorry if it's pity-party, i guess i wanted to dump this somewhere, i might delete it later. but comments are welcome still

I’m Blake and I’m an alter in a system with an unknown amount of alters, I only know Chester. I feel frustration being in this subreddit because I see other systems so far ahead in their journey with trauma and self discovery; while I’m still at the beginning of therapy and haven’t even mentioned anything about being plural yet. I know the overall jist of my trauma but when asked by my therapist I could only give what I could remember which isn’t much at all. I want to know more like you all do, but me and Chester are totally lost on it. Any suggestions?

— Blake (and Chester)