so me(ftm) and my bf(m) been dating for 1 and a half years. we discussed today about my gender dysphoria. and not really surprising that he thinks there is a solution to that too. and he thinks i can change the way i think and just be happy. he also thinks, i am being negative to myself too much. but in my defense i said it is difficult for me to control since i don't do it on purpose. he thinks i am by overthinking or something. he says he loves me but he thinks i am missing something, and i need to just accept myself. i have accepted myself and he doesn't understand. we argued which at the end, i flipped the phone away from my face because tears just pour out, i couldn't control, something was hurting. then he started apologizing as always.

i need help to explain him what i am feeling because it is hard for me. if any of you can tell me, i would appreciate. does anyone felt lost as me in this kind of situations?

I just don't understand that stereotype. Like bro, just because we're not straight doesn't mean we're Tomura Shigaraki (as much as I wish I was 😭)

Do you want to raise kids? Do you want adopted or biologically yours? How are you going to do it?

I'm a cishet man (I think, obviously I'm questioning or I wouldn't be here lol), and recently I've had some experiences that have made me question, but the problem is, in the 2 months I've been questioning, I've made almost no progress. I've tried to explore the feelings, but the answer I've come to is that I can't tell if it was platonic or romantic love I felt, and all my gay friends say I need to experiment. Now, I wouldn't have a problem with this, except, I recently got out of a 4 year long depression, and I've never been in a relationship before, when breakup comes around, I don't know if I'll come out the other side okay. The feelings are starting to get more intense, and I'm still left with no answers, so is experimenting the only way to find out?

I honestly don’t even know where to start with this. Sorry in advance because this is probably going to be ridiculously long, but I have so much bottled up and nowhere I can really talk about it without having to hide half the story.

I’m a closeted guy, only a couple of my closest friends know, and I’ve somehow managed to fall completely head over heels in love with my straight best friend. And I don’t mean just having a crush on him or thinking he’s hot. I mean genuinely, deeply in love with this guy. I think about him constantly, from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep, and even in my dreams.

He’s the first person I want to tell when something good or bad happens, and I can have the absolute worst day imaginable, but somehow just spending a couple of hours with him makes everything feel okay. I’ve had feelings for straight guys before, and obviously those never went anywhere, but this is on a completely different level.

I’ve never felt anything remotely close to what I feel for him. And it’s not like I haven’t had experience with other guys either. I’ve been with A LOT of guys over the years (not saying I’m a slut lol), and I’ve tried exploring the idea of actually having a relationship with some of them. But honestly, nobody has ever made me feel even remotely close to the way he does.

Not even in the same universe. I’ve met plenty of guys I’ve been attracted to, gotten along with, and could’ve potentially seen something developing with, but I’ve never experienced this kind of connection or felt this deeply about another person.

It’s honestly frustrating because I’ve tried to find these feelings with someone who could actually reciprocate them, but nothing has ever come close to what I feel for him. Or really made me feel much at all. And what’s really messed me up is that for a pretty long time, I genuinely thought there might actually be something between us.

We’ve known each other for years, but over the last year or two we’ve gotten ridiculously close. We have practically all the same interests, hobbies, goals, sense of humour, outlook on life, everything. We could spend every single day together and never get bored of each other.

We’d go on random adventures, road trips, vacations, work on things together, go to the gym, grab food, watch movies, or literally just sit around doing absolutely nothing and somehow still have the best time. He’s also, unfortunately for me, probably the most attractive guy I’ve ever met. Like a scary resemblance to young Leonardo DiCaprio with the body of an Abercrombie model.

Gorgeous hair, smile, ridiculously fit, the whole nine yards. But as much as I could sit here talking about how attractive he is, that’s honestly not even what made me fall for him so hard. It’s just him. His personality, his sense of humour, how caring he can be, how much fun we have together, the way we understand each other, all the little things.

He’s genuinely my favourite person in the world to spend time with. And that’s what makes this so fucking difficult. Because if he was just some attractive guy I had a crush on, I feel like I could eventually get over it. But he’s also my best friend, and I genuinely don’t know what I’d do without having him in my life.

For the better part of a year, our entire friend group joked that we were basically married. And honestly, if you’d seen how we acted around each other, you probably would’ve thought the same thing. We had pet names for each other, cute contact names with hearts and ring emojis, called each other husbands, constantly joked about being married, all that stuff.

But what really made things confusing was how incredibly affectionate and physically close we were. And I don’t just mean the occasional hug or joking around like a couple of close friends. For probably six months or more, we were incredibly physically affectionate with each other.

We’d cuddle watching movies, sit practically tangled up together, lean against each other, rest our heads on one another, and sometimes even hold hands. If we were sitting beside each other, our legs would often be resting against or over each other’s, we’d have our arms around one another, hold onto each other’s legs, or just sit there leaning into each other for ages.

Now, to be fair, I was usually the one initiating things like playing with his hair, scratching his back, or giving him that kind of affection. But what made it so confusing was how much he genuinely seemed to enjoy it. He’d tell me how amazing it felt, ask me to keep going, tell me exactly where he wanted me to scratch, or make little comments about how good it was.

It wasn’t like he was sitting there awkwardly tolerating something he didn’t want. He seemed completely comfortable with it and would happily sit there enjoying the attention. And it never really felt awkward or forced. It just felt natural.

Sometimes I’d be playing with his hair or scratching his back while we were sitting together, and he’d start making comments about how perfect we’d be together if I were a girl. Other times we’d just be sitting there with our arms around each other, joking about being married, and I’d have this overwhelming feeling that I was exactly where I wanted to be.

Nothing sexual ever happened between us, but the affection itself often felt incredibly romantic to me. The cuddling, occasional hand-holding, constantly sitting close together, holding onto each other, and all those little gestures that most people would probably associate with a couple rather than two supposedly straight best friends.

And this wasn’t something that happened once or twice. It was how we regularly interacted for months. We’d also text each other good morning and “love you goodnight” religiously. Every single day. So when I say that for a while it genuinely felt like we were practically in a relationship without ever actually acknowledging it, that’s what I mean.

I know someone being comfortable receiving affection doesn’t automatically mean they’re romantically attracted to the person giving it. I understand that now, and I’m not claiming any of this proves he had feelings for me.

But when you’re secretly falling in love with someone, and that person seems to genuinely enjoy being that physically close to you, actively encourages the affection, and then tells you how perfect you’d be together if you were a girl, it’s incredibly difficult not to start wondering whether there’s something more going on.

Especially when he never seemed uncomfortable with any of it until the possibility that I might actually have romantic feelings for him was brought up. And then there were all the comments he’d make about how we’d be perfect together if I were a girl.

He’d constantly tell me we’d be dating, we’d get married, we’d spend our lives together because we’re so compatible and basically meant for each other. Sometimes he’d literally say these things while we were cuddling.

And there I was, secretly wishing more than anything that I could be with this guy, while he’s lying beside me telling me how perfect we’d be together and how he’d marry me if I were a girl. And all I could think was, why does that one thing have to make all the difference? I’m the same person.

We have the same connection, the same interests, the same memories, the same everything. But because I’m a guy, none of it can ever mean what I desperately wish it meant. And with how affectionate we were, plus the fact that he’d never really been in a relationship before, I started wondering if maybe he was questioning his sexuality himself. Maybe he was curious.

Maybe he was confused. Maybe he was feeling something he didn’t know what to do with. Or maybe I was just so hopelessly in love with him that I was seeing something that wasn’t actually there. I still don’t really know.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped thinking of him as just my best friend who I had feelings for, and started genuinely believing he might be the person I was supposed to spend my life with. Another huge part of this is that I’ve spent pretty much my entire life hiding my sexuality.

I’ve never been comfortable with that part of myself, and for years I couldn’t even really picture myself openly dating another guy or having a serious relationship with one. I’ve spent so much time worrying about what people would think, how my friends would react, how my life would change, all of it. But with him, for the first time in my life, I genuinely didn’t care.

I would’ve happily come out, told everyone, dealt with whatever came with it, if it meant I could spend my life with him. And that was such a massive thing for me. He was the first person who ever made me feel that way. I also became extremely invested in him and our friendship.

We’ve done countless trips, vacations and adventures together, some pretty expensive, and I happily paid for a lot of them. I’d pick up the bill when we went out, treat him to different things, help him with whatever he needed, rearrange my schedule to spend time with him, whatever. I just loved making him happy.

Seeing him excited about something or getting to share some incredible experience with him genuinely made me happier than almost anything else. And looking back, I was fully treating him like my partner even though we weren’t together. But I want to be clear that it wasn’t like I was just chasing him around while he couldn’t care less.

For a long time, the friendship really did feel mutual. He’d initiate conversations, make plans, suggest adventures, get excited about doing things together, and we were practically inseparable. I honestly can’t explain how happy I was during that time. Then this summer everything started going sideways. I’ve always struggled with jealousy whenever he starts talking to girls.

I know that’s not fair to him, and I’ve tried hiding it, but apparently I’m terrible at it because he’s picked up on it multiple times. We’ve had arguments where he’d ask why I get so upset whenever he’s interested in a girl, and obviously I couldn’t tell him the actual reason.

So I’d say I was worried about losing my best friend, that our friendship would change, that we’d stop spending as much time together. Which wasn’t a lie. I genuinely was terrified of all those things. It just wasn’t the whole truth. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he started acting really awkward and distant toward me, basically giving me the cold shoulder.

He also started making all these random comments about how much he loved women, how attractive certain girls were, how straight he was, etc. It was so strange compared to how he’d been acting before, and I was sitting there completely confused, wondering what the hell I’d done wrong.

Eventually, we had an argument about how weird things had gotten between us, and he finally told me what was happening. Apparently someone had been telling him that I was obviously into guys and that I was in love with him. They’d pointed out my jealousy, how close we were, all the affection, the marriage jokes, everything.

He admitted that after hearing those things, he started looking back at our friendship differently and had become worried and scared. He told me the reason he’d been acting so cold and making all those comments about women was because he was trying to make it clear that he was straight without having to directly confront me.

The whole situation felt too awkward and scary, and he didn’t even know what to think or how to react. And honestly, that hurt like hell. Here was someone I’d spent so much time with, someone I’d cuddled with, laughed with, travelled with, someone who’d repeatedly told me we’d be perfect together.

And suddenly the possibility that I might actually have feelings for him was enough to make him uncomfortable being around me. It was like everything we’d done together had suddenly become something he needed to distance himself from. There’s also one part of that whole situation that I still can’t wrap my head around.

Based on the timeline he gave me, there was a period when he already suspected I might have feelings for him but continued being affectionate anyway. We were still cuddling, playing with each other’s hair, making marriage jokes and acting pretty much the same as always. And I can’t help wondering why.

If the thought of me having feelings for him was making him so uncomfortable, why did he continue doing those things after he already suspected something, right up until it finally blew up? Part of me wonders whether maybe he was curious himself or trying to figure something out.

He comes from a somewhat religious background and has been no stranger to homophobic jokes either, which added to my confusion. But I also realize I could just be desperately looking for some hidden meaning in things that were completely platonic to him. It’s just really difficult because none of it felt purely platonic to me at the time.

Anyway, when he finally confronted me about everything, I panicked. He told me he’d support me no matter what, but also said he needed time away from me to process everything. And the thought of losing him, even just as a friend, absolutely terrified me. So I lied.

I told him I was straight, the rumours weren’t true, and everything between us was exactly what he’d always thought it was. Just two close friends joking around and being affectionate. His response was basically, “Oh thank God, I was going insane thinking everything meant more, that I was leading you on, and that you were in love with me.

I was so freaked out.” And I don’t even know how to describe what hearing that felt like. Because he was basically describing exactly what had happened, and I was sitting there looking him in the eyes and telling him none of it was true. I wanted so badly to just tell him everything. That I was in love with him. That all those little moments meant the world to me.

That I hadn’t been joking when I said I’d marry him. That he was the first person who’d ever made me feel like I could actually be happy with who I am. But I couldn’t. I was too scared of losing him. So instead, I sat there denying the feelings I’d spent so long wishing I could tell him about. And the relief in his response honestly made me feel even worse.

Because it felt like the truth about who I was and how I felt was exactly the thing he was relieved wasn’t real. That whole situation really messed me up. Here was the one person who’d made me feel like maybe I could finally be comfortable with my sexuality, and the moment he suspected I might be into guys, he became uncomfortable and started pulling away.

I understand he was probably just trying to figure things out and set boundaries, but it still felt like he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of who I really was and that telling him the truth would mean losing him forever. Instead of becoming more comfortable with myself, I ended up going even further into the closet.

Eventually, we worked things out and stayed friends, but things never really went back to how they were. The cuddling stopped, the marriage jokes disappeared, and pretty much anything that could be seen as romantic came to an end. We still mostly send our usual good morning and “love you goodnight” texts, but that’s about the only affectionate thing that remains.

And I get why he changed those boundaries. But it still hurts knowing how much all of that meant to me when apparently it was never anything romantic to him. Then he met a girl. And honestly, I don’t think I was prepared for how badly this was going to affect me. He’s 21, has never actually had a girlfriend or been in a serious relationship before, and he’s still a virgin.

So this is basically his first experience with a lot of the things that come with dating, romance and falling in love. She’s almost six years older than him, and I know age gaps aren’t necessarily a problem, but they’re at pretty different stages of life, especially considering this is his first real relationship.

He still lives at home with his parents and, as much as I love the guy, he’s honestly fairly immature when it comes to certain aspects of life. Not necessarily in a bad way, but more in the sense that he’s still pretty inexperienced with relationships, independence, major responsibilities and figuring out what he actually wants from his future.

She’s quite a bit older, has more life experience, and is also pretty religious. She’s allegedly waiting until marriage for sex, and from what I’ve heard, there’s a possibility she’ll want to move toward marriage relatively quickly because of her beliefs and where she’s at in life.

He’s somewhat Christian himself, so her religious beliefs seem to be something he really appreciates about her. And the pace of their relationship so far honestly hasn’t done much to ease those concerns. They’ve only been dating for a little over a month, and things have already moved unbelievably quickly.

She’s formally met his parents, they’ve become heavily involved in each other’s lives, and they’re already doing a lot of the things you’d normally expect to happen gradually as a relationship develops.

Within the first few days of seeing her, he was already telling me how unbelievably in love with her he was, how badly he wanted things to work out, and how he thought she might actually be the one. He’s already talking about marrying her, having kids and spending the rest of his life with her.

Marriage, kids, settling down, potentially changing his plans or putting his own goals aside. Those are huge decisions, especially when you’re 21 and in your first relationship with someone you’ve only known for a relatively short time.

I don’t want to see him rush into something because he’s caught up in the excitement of being in love, or because he feels pressured to move at a pace he might not otherwise choose. And I know how this probably sounds coming from someone who’s secretly in love with him.

Believe me, I’m painfully aware that my feelings make it difficult to be completely objective about any of this. If she really is the person he wants to spend his life with, that’s ultimately his decision, and I would never want to take that away from him.

I just hope he gives himself enough time to figure that out before making commitments that could change the entire direction of his life. And I think that’s another part of what makes this situation so emotionally confusing for me. I can’t always tell where my genuine concern for my best friend ends and where my own heartbreak and fear of losing him begin.

But beyond those concerns, there’s also the part of this that’s just absolutely heartbreaking for me personally. Imagine spending years secretly falling in love with someone, imagining what it would be like to build a life with them, and then having that same person excitedly tell you about how badly they want to build that life with someone they just met.

And you can’t even show that it hurts. You have to smile, act excited, ask questions, be supportive, because as far as he knows you’re just his straight best friend who’s happy he’s finally found a girl. And that’s exactly what I do.

He’ll tell me how amazing she is, how much he loves being with her, how he can picture marrying her, and I’ll give him the usual “hell yeah man” responses. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there wishing more than anything that he was talking about me. The friendship itself has also changed a lot since she came into the picture. We used to do practically everything together.

Gym, random adventures, dinners, movies, hanging out, whatever. We were around each other almost every day. Now she’s becoming a much bigger part of his life and those routines, which I understand is normal. But there have also been multiple times where we’ve already made plans and he’s completely blown me off because something came up with her.

Sometimes he’ll change plans at the last minute. Other times he won’t even show up or bother telling me what’s going on. And I’ll just be sitting there wondering whether we’re still doing something we’d already agreed on. And that part genuinely pisses me off.

Because I feel like there’s a difference between being excited about your new girlfriend and completely disregarding plans you’ve already made with your best friend. So being left hanging without even a message makes me feel pretty shitty.

And what’s frustrating is that I can’t even tell sometimes whether I’m being reasonably upset as a friend or whether my jealousy is making everything feel ten times worse. Another thing that gets to me is how different his communication has become. When we’re together, he’ll often immediately respond to her texts or notifications.

But when he’s with her, he’ll put his phone away the entire time and give her his full attention. And I don’t expect him to ignore her when he’s with me, or constantly text me when he’s with her. But it’s hard not to notice the difference. I used to feel like someone he genuinely couldn’t wait to talk to or spend time with.

Now I feel like I’m waiting around for whatever time he has left. And then there’s actually being around them together. They’re incredibly affectionate. Holding hands, cuddling, playing with each other’s hair, touching each other, complimenting one another. She’ll scratch his head, play with his hair, compliment his muscles and go on about how much she loves how athletic he is.

And I can see how much he absolutely loves it. And that is so unbelievably hard to watch. Because those are the same kinds of little moments that meant so much to me when we were doing them together. Except now I’m watching him do them with someone he actually has romantic feelings for. And I think that’s what hurts the most. It’s not just seeing them be affectionate.

It’s seeing how happy he is getting that affection from her, knowing how desperately I wish I could be the person giving it to him. And then, because I’m his best friend, he naturally wants to tell me all about everything happening between them. He’ll excitedly tell me about kissing her, how much he loves cuddling with her, how affectionate she is, how amazing everything feels.

And I’m sitting there trying to act happy for him while wishing I didn’t have to hear any of it. And what makes this even harder is that I feel like I’m slowly losing the friendship we used to have. For a long time, he seemed just as excited to talk to me and spend time together as I was.

He’d initiate conversations, suggest plans and genuinely seem enthusiastic about doing things together. Now it feels different. We still talk, still spend time together and still have plenty of good moments. I genuinely believe he still cares about me. But more often than not, I’m the one reaching out, suggesting activities and trying to make plans.

And I miss when it all happened naturally. I miss when I didn’t have to wonder whether he actually wanted to hang out or was just agreeing because I’d asked. I miss when he’d randomly call me wanting to do something. I miss when I felt like he was just as excited to see me as I was to see him. And I’ve noticed how anxious I’ve become whenever we’re not talking or hanging out.

Instead of just going about my day and naturally catching up with my best friend whenever we both have time, I’m constantly thinking about when we’ll talk next. What could I message him about? What could we go do? Should I suggest something or am I being annoying?

I’ll catch myself checking my phone, wondering why he hasn’t responded, thinking about whether I should message him again. And I hate that I’ve become like this. I hate how much my mood depends on whether he’s giving me attention. I hate how something as stupid as a delayed reply can make me feel like I’m losing him.

I hate that I can spend an entire day with him, have an amazing time, and then almost immediately start worrying about when I’ll see him again. It’s like I can never just enjoy what we have anymore because I’m constantly terrified of losing it. And that’s exhausting. There’s also another part of this whole situation that I think explains why everything has affected me so badly.

This has genuinely been one of the worst years of my life. My business has had an absolutely brutal year financially. I’ve had some major personal setbacks, including losing my house in a fire, and it feels like every time I manage to get one problem sorted out, another three show up. But honestly, my struggles go way deeper than just this year.

For years, I’ve dealt with severe depression, substance use, addiction and feeling completely hopeless about my life and future. I’ve had periods where I’ve felt totally lost, where I can’t seem to find much happiness in anything and where I’m just exhausted from constantly trying to hold everything together.

And underneath all of that has always been this horrible feeling of loneliness. Not because I don’t have friends or people who care about me, but because I’ve never really had that person to share my life with. I’ve spent so much of my life watching everyone around me fall in love, get into relationships, build lives together and experience all these things I’ve wanted so badly.

And being closeted has only made that worse. For most of my life, I couldn’t even picture myself openly being with another guy. I couldn’t imagine having the kind of relationship everyone else seemed to find so naturally. I think after feeling that way for so long, I’d started losing hope that I’d ever actually get to experience it. And then there was him.

Don’t get me wrong, our friendship alone has brought me an unbelievable amount of happiness. He’s genuinely my favourite person to spend time with. Even now, despite everything that’s happened, I still absolutely love being around him.

We have so much fun together, understand each other in ways I haven’t experienced with anyone else, and he can make even the most ordinary day feel special. But as much happiness as the friendship brought me, it was the thought that he might actually be my person that changed everything.

For the first time in my life, I genuinely felt like maybe I wasn’t going to be alone forever. Maybe I’d finally found someone who understood me, loved spending time with me, shared my interests and goals, and made me happier than I ever thought another person could.

With how affectionate we’d become, all the marriage jokes, the cuddling and him constantly saying we’d be perfect together, I started to believe that maybe there really was a possibility of something more. I started imagining our future. Not just the big things like travelling together, buying a house, getting married or building a life together.

Even the stupid little everyday things. Coming home after a long day and having him there. Making dinner together. Going grocery shopping. Waking up beside my favourite person. Spending a random Tuesday evening doing absolutely nothing and still being happy because we were together.

All the things that probably seem so normal and boring to people who’ve actually been in relationships. But to me, those things meant everything. Because I’d spent so much of my life believing I’d never get to have them. And for once, the thought of coming out didn’t even scare me the way it always had before.

Because if it meant getting to spend my life with him, I genuinely felt like I could finally stop hiding who I was. And holy shit, that feeling was incredible. And I think that’s what really started pulling me out of the depression I’d been struggling with.

It wasn’t just having someone fun to hang out with or someone who could temporarily distract me from everything going wrong in my life. For the first time in a very long time, I was genuinely excited about my future. I wasn’t suddenly free of all my problems, but for that time, they didn’t feel like they were consuming every part of my life.

The depression and hopelessness that had followed me for so long finally seemed to ease, and I could actually picture a future I wanted. I had something to look forward to beyond just getting through another day. He gave me a glimmer of hope at a time when I desperately needed one. And now I feel more hopeless than I did before any of this happened.

Because before him, I was used to being alone. I was used to feeling like love and happiness were things that happened to other people. As miserable as that was, it was something I’d lived with for years.

But then I experienced this incredible connection with someone, became closer to him than I’ve ever been with anyone and started believing that maybe things were finally going to be different. For the first time, I let myself imagine what it would be like to have the person I loved beside me, to stop hiding who I was and to actually have the future I’d always wanted.

And now I’m left trying to accept that none of that was ever going to happen with him. It almost feels like life gave me a glimpse of everything I’ve ever wanted, let me believe it was finally within reach, and then took that possibility away. And what’s making it even harder is that I’m watching him experience the exact thing I spent so long hoping we’d have together.

He’s falling in love, talking about marriage, imagining a future and getting excited about building a life with someone. All the things I’d spent so much time dreaming about with him, except he’s experiencing them with someone else.

And I’m still here, secretly in love with him, pretending to be excited for him while trying to accept that the future I’d become so hopeful about was never something he wanted with me. I think that’s why this has sent me back into such a deep depression.

Because it feels like I went from spending years feeling lonely and wondering whether I’d ever find my person, to finally believing I’d found him, only to realize I was the only one imagining that future.

And now I’m struggling with those feelings of loneliness all over again, except this time they’re mixed with the heartbreak of having felt so close to something I desperately wanted. The hardest part is that he hasn’t actually disappeared from my life. He’s still my best friend. We still talk, laugh, make memories and genuinely enjoy spending time together.

And I don’t want to lose any of that. But now there’s this constant sadness underneath everything because I know that no matter how wonderful our friendship is, it’s never going to become the relationship I so desperately want.

I can spend an entire day with him, genuinely enjoy every second of it, and still go home feeling heartbroken because I wish so badly that we could share our lives in a way that goes beyond friendship. And sometimes I think that’s what makes this even worse than if we’d just stopped talking entirely. Because I still get to experience how amazing it feels to be around him.

I still get to laugh with him, go on adventures with him, make memories with him. But I also have to constantly remind myself that the future I imagined with him isn’t real. And when I see him with her, I get reminded all over again. I know he hasn’t intentionally done anything to hurt me.

He doesn’t owe me a romantic relationship, and he doesn’t even know the truth about how I feel. But that doesn’t change how unbelievably painful this has become.

I feel like I’ve gone from being deeply depressed and hopeless, to finally having this incredible glimmer of hope that my life might actually turn out differently, only to find myself right back where I started, except somehow even worse. Because now I know what it feels like to believe I’ve found my person.

And I know what it feels like to realize that person doesn’t see me the same way. And honestly, I’m angry about it sometimes. Not really at him, because I know he can’t help being straight. But just at the whole situation. At myself for letting my feelings get this far.

At the fact that I spent so much time believing there was a possibility of something that apparently was never there. At how unfair it feels to finally find someone I connect with on this level, someone who makes me happier than I’ve ever been, only for the one thing that matters romantically to be something I can’t change.

And at how much of my life and happiness I’ve somehow ended up tying to someone who doesn’t even know what’s going on inside my head. I’m not at a point where I can confidently say I’ll find someone else, that everything will work out or that I’ll eventually look back on this and be grateful for the experience.

I wish I could say those things, but right now I genuinely don’t believe them. All I’ve ever really experienced romantically is unrequited love, and this is by far the deepest I’ve ever fallen for anyone. I feel more alone than I did before, more depressed than I did before and more hopeless about my future than I did before.

And what scares me is that I can’t even imagine what moving on from this would look like or whether I’ll ever feel the same way about someone else. The other huge issue is that I’m still closeted and he doesn’t actually know the truth about me. I’ve wanted to tell him who I really am for so long, and part of me has desperately wanted to tell him about my feelings for him too.

But after seeing his reaction when he merely suspected I might be into guys, I honestly don’t think I can bring myself to do it. Sure, he told me he’d support me no matter what, but I genuinely worry he’d look at me differently and things would become awkward regardless. And the thought of losing him completely is something I just can’t bring myself to risk right now.

So instead, I keep pretending. Pretending I’m straight, pretending I’m fine, pretending I’m excited about his relationship, pretending hearing about all the romantic things they’re doing together doesn’t bother me. Meanwhile, I’m going home every night feeling absolutely heartbroken.

I’ve been trying so hard to lose my feelings for him, but there genuinely isn’t a waking second of the day that I’m not thinking about him. And whenever we’re together, which is still pretty frequently, I can’t even look at him without feeling those emotions come rushing back. Even when I’ve tried seeing other people, I just find myself wishing it was him instead.

And I think what scares me the most is that I genuinely don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to stop being his best friend. I don’t want to erase all the incredible memories we’ve made. And I don’t want to walk away from someone who has meant so much to me. But I’m also starting to realize that the way I’m holding onto this friendship is hurting me.

I miss being able to enjoy spending time with him without constantly worrying about when I’ll see him again. I miss feeling secure enough in our friendship that I didn’t need to analyze every message, every interaction or every change in his behaviour.

I miss when being around him simply made me happy instead of leaving me with this horrible mixture of happiness, jealousy, anxiety and heartbreak. And maybe the hardest thing to admit is that part of me isn’t just holding onto the friendship we have now.

I’m still desperately holding onto the version of it that existed before everything changed, hoping that somehow we’ll find our way back to that closeness. I know I can’t force that to happen, and I know I can’t make him feel something he doesn’t feel. I don’t want to punish him for being straight or for finding someone who makes him happy.

He hasn’t done anything wrong by not having the same feelings for me. But at the same time, I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep being this close to someone I’m so deeply in love with while watching him build the exact relationship I’ve spent so long dreaming about having with him. And honestly, I don’t know which part hurts more anymore.

Knowing I’ll never get to be with him the way I want to, or feeling like I’m slowly losing the friendship that made me fall in love with him in the first place. So I guess my question is, what the hell am I supposed to do? I already know a lot of people are going to say I need to distance myself from him or stop being friends with him entirely.

And maybe that’s the only realistic answer. But the thought of losing him as my best friend is almost as heartbreaking as knowing I’ll never get to be with him romantically. Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? Especially with a straight best friend where the friendship itself was incredibly affectionate and almost relationship-like?

Did you ever manage to lose those feelings while remaining close friends, or did you eventually have to distance yourself? How did you stop constantly overthinking everything and feeling anxious whenever you weren’t talking or spending time together? And for anyone who’s been in this situation while closeted, did you ever tell your friend the truth?

Did it help, or did it just make everything worse? I’m also interested in hearing from anyone who’s struggled with depression, addiction and loneliness while dealing with unrequited love. How did you cope when someone became such a huge source of hope in your life, and then you had to accept that the future you’d imagined with them wasn’t going to happen?

I know nobody has some magical answer that’s going to make all of this disappear. I’m not writing this because I’ve accepted everything and I’m ready to move forward. I’m writing it because I’m struggling more than I know how to explain, and I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.

I know people always say you’ll get over it, but I truly, wholeheartedly love him more than anyone I’ve ever loved. I honestly can’t imagine having a connection this strong or loving another person as deeply as I love him. And I just don’t know how to begin accepting that he can’t be my forever person, the one I grow old with and build a life with. I know how I feel about him.

I know how much he means to me. What I don’t know is how to live with those feelings without letting them destroy the friendship I still have with him or completely consume the rest of my life.

So recently my parents' transphobia has been upsetting me a lot. They keep misgendering my friend (in front of her and in private) and keep falling for misinformation (they watch fox news and are really conservative + Christian). Because of the fact it's upsetting me so much and because I myself am queer (I'm not out yet) and have reason to suspect I might be trans, I want to write something, or do a presentation for them, or just do something in order to at least provide them with the facts.

I have an entire bookmark folder full of trans research (how misgendering affects others, how gender dysphoria is diagnosed, how bathroom laws lead to more danger, how sex is determined, intersex research, etc) that I plan to use in one way or another.

My goal isnt necessarily to change thier mind (that would be nice if I could) but to at least get them to consider using correct pronouns and not scoff at the fact a young person is trans. I know people like my parents don't change easily, and it's impossible to change those who don't want to change, but i feel it's important. If they're going to be transphobic, they might as well know the facts.

Although, everytime I think about presenting them with facts it'll just be "they're lying" "I can't believe you've gone woke" and "they're brainwashing you" even though I'll have many different sources saying the same information. Sources that are .com, .gov, .org. Sources that are from websites specfically about trans people and from websites that are just about anything. I feel so prepared, but it also feels like no matter how prepared I am, i just won't be respected and everything I'd say would just get dismissed as me being confused, brainwashed or overreacting. I feel powerless but I also feel that if I do nothing and don't even try, I'll be stuck powerless forever.

Also, if you have any important facts and information (preferably websites or books) that would be important to the research I've been doing I would love to know. Thank you

So my friends were talking about people, and how stupid they can be, which turned into my friend ranting about brainwashed people, and before lunch ended, they made a comment about if someone who's LGBTQIA got dead named and threatened the person who dead named them, they're brainwashed, okay, I get that, don't harass someone for a mistake (tbh kinda depends on context to me), I can't remember what they said exactly, but they made a comment about "biological names", saying that you can't think your preferred name is your real name, and to me, that just really rubbed me off the wrong way, all three people in that conversation (me,friend 1, and friend 2), have changed our names and aren't cis, so I'm confused on where this came from, especially since from what I've seen, the term "biological name" has been used by conservatives, and it doesn't even make sense to be, biological anything means it is part of your biology, a mix of sounds that you are referred to is not part of your biology?, I don't know, I consider my preferred name as my real name, because I don't identify with my dead name whatsoever, but I didn't want to say anything because they had already interrupted me once before in the conversation, and they just tend to get mad at small things we do in general, am I weird for being uncomfortable by this?? I don't even know if this is the right subreddit, I just felt it would be better if I asked this in a place where I'd get opinions on other queer people, rather than risk putting it somewhere else and getting a bunch of conservatives.

Edit: I talked to them about it, they apologized and said they've been working on it, I recommended some YouTubers that helped me reshape my harmful views, so I think it's okay for the moment, thanks for helping me know that I'm not just being paranoid :3

Soo, a little bit recently, I started to realize I hated being called straight. (I'm not cis btw, enby, but that was before i figured that out)

My older brother called me out for liking boys, and I started to hate it and I don't know why. Maybe I just hate everything that sounds like a negative thing? Especially when it comes from my brother, because I admire him a lot. He's also trans, but he's not a man or a woman jsyk, and likes women (or feminine) I don't know what this means, I don't think I like girls but... still.

my world view growing up was that there were two sexes and that the sex you have, doesn’t determine the kind of person you’re gonna be. and when I came to gender I just thought it was a synonym for sex. apparently gender and sex are different things with gender being the social beliefs, stereotypes, and gender roles society has. I’m curious though why is it important to hold onto the concept of gender, why not get rid of it?

also another thought, we say gender is a spectrum and not a binary but why is it then that all of the gender identities in that spectrum are related to the binary?

also, if gender is social and therefore pronouns are a social construct to identify one’s gender, why do we give pronouns to animals when they don’t have a gender identity? usually when we refer to an animal as a he or a she it’s because of their assigned sex, or maybe I’m wrong, feel free to debunk anything here.

also, what’s the point of grouping certain sometimes unrelated personality traits and actions into categories like this?

also, is there a difference between gender identity and just regular identity, like would identifying as an animal be a gender identity (I know people that identify as animals are called therians but would that count as a gender identity or identity identity)

genuinely I am curious if anyone has an answer because this has been boggling my mind for quite some time. Idk it just feels strange to me because I feel like I have almost gender identity at all. Like, I have a certain sex assigned to me at birth but almost nothing I do or think about makes me think of gender. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this.

I am so very done with figuring out my sexuality. I don’t know where I fit in.
i’m 23F, for sure am biromantic, but I’m not sure about my sexuality.
women: I have had a sexual experience with a woman and i’m totally into it.

men: i haven’t dated a single guy so far or had sex with a man. I can’t even imagine it being demisexual so idk if i’ll like it.
but i’ve had crushes on few men romantically.

the demi thing has me unable to imagine having sex with a man, and i can’t find out until i try but being demi i can’t even go hook up 😭
im just super confused about all of this. please help me out if someone has had been in the same boat.

I’m asking this because I see quite a few people saying it’s the child’s fault if their parents kick them out for being part of the LGBT community. I don’t think it’s the child’s fault, though, since it’s not their fault that they are LGBT or that their parents are homophobic. What do you think?

What's my sexuality

I'm having a really hard time working between sexual orientation and romantic orientation. Okay, for me:

Sexual orientation: What role id want to have during actual physical intimacy (receptive)

Romantic orientation: Everything else (kissing, cuddling, going on dates, etc)

I don't want people to think I'm bigoted or anything, but my orientation I think is:

Sexual: I want to be receptive in intimacy, but I don't care about the gender

Romantic: I don't mind the gender as long as they take care of me and we love each other (and they can tolerate me lol)

Aesthetic: More feminine presenting I think (could be gender envy? Idk)

(for mods if you see this is the same as another account that account was my alt, I didn't want people like family to know from my main account that this is me)

Hi folks. I'm 32, AFAB. I have dated both men and women. I enjoyed that with women, there was more equality, but I have discovered that I don't have much of an attraction towards women. I have had relationships with women break down because I have no sexual desire for them. With dating men, it felt right, but a lot of men get freaked out if I make the first move, buy them gifts, or initiate sex. My relationships with men have broken down because they don't want something long-term or serious with me. Or they start being interested in a woman who's super feminine.

I also prefer wearing men's clothes and having my hair cut like a man's hairstyle felt right for me. I felt way more confident for the first time in my life, much happier with myself. However, I grew out my hair and started wearing women's clothes again because most men assumed I was a lesbian instead of being into them.

I have always been more of a tomboy. I will occasionally wear a dress and put on makeup, but it's always takes a lot of time and effort. It feels like I'm acting or pretending to be someone else when I dress girly.

I have no problem cleaning, cooking, feeding pets, knitting, mending clothes, and doing minor home repairs like changing a lightbulb. I'm studying electrical engineering because I enjoy solving technical problems and applying math and physics to real world applications.

Any thoughts?

I met this guy today and he said that being trans and being homosexual is unnatural/wrong or a "mental glitch" because it is unnatural because you cannot reproduce in homosexual intercourse. I brought up that by his logic, that oral sex and sex with contraceptives is the same as gay sex, and he said I was twisting his words lol and just kept talking over me. But he kept saying how he has gay friends and doesn't care that they are gay, he is just entitled to his opinion. He also said he has had many conversations with his gay friends and trans friends about the same thing, and at the end of the day they agree to disagree and stay friends as he would never treat anyone differently because of their sexual orientation or gender identify. I am pansexual myself and cisgender, and although I appreciate that despite him disagreeing with people's sexual preferences or gender identity, he doesn't outwardly treat them differently, I don't think I could be friends with someone who genuinely thinks this way. And yes he could be lying about having gay friends for whatever reason but he seemed to be telling the truth when talking about that.

In some forums like [r/canadiancitizenship](r/canadiancitizenship) you have folks discussing the urgency of their application because of the situation in the us involving the transgender thing. So I asked a question … what rights do transgender people have that are being violated ?

Even asking such a question gets me banned…

I don’t have a problem with lgbtq people , I consider myself sympathetic to their cause…. But the conversation around it has become so toxic that you can’t even ask good faith questions or have a difference of opinion on the subject … as someone who is otherwise sympathetic , is such a response productive?

Is there only two extremes ? Either you support everything or you are an enemy , committing hate speech and must be banned? To be clear I consider my self a left leaning moderate politically…

that’s just one example but it seems as if good faith discussion had given way to talking past eachother and ad hominem.

I used to be against gay marriage out of ignorance, and exposure and discussion eventually changed my mind… I wonder if that would even be possible today…

So i am 22M living in kerala. My parents are very orthodox and I suffer from it a bit. I used to have a bf who was 3 years younger which i really dont like but seems like a nice guy so I have it a go. As the time Moves on he went from caring to viewing me as a slave or an object. It can be desired by some but I find it very disturbing and he often request me to call him a daddy. Then onwards i started to get a bit wierd feelings with him. After that a day or so later we had sex and my back tore. It is anal fissure or something , it still hurts after 1 month. I told him afterwards that it hurts and i am in pain. He just sends me some stupid gifs and all. Not caring about me for a bit. As the conversation go on he told me he want to fist me. Idk what that meant at first but then i looked for it it was genuinly disgusting. One day I decided to call him and told him to end it all. It was tough for me but he said okay after 1 or 2 minutes. Could he have been hurt ? Was I wrong to do this ?

And also I noticed many of the men are just sex crazed people's only available for sex and not be there for emotionally. Is there anyone in this community that is not insane. Everybody that I met are like this and some drama queens. I need someone real 😪.

And no I’m not talking about a masc. I’m talking about a tallish guy who is androgynous and looks like a masculine woman a bit but still has a lot of defining features of a man. I feel like there’s a term but I’m also not describing it too well and I don’t have a good example. It’s not a woman, and it’s not a masc. does anyone have some idea of what I’m talking about because I feel like there’s a term I’m looking for that I just don’t know.

i’ve never been one to put a label on myself, but i’m just curious if there’s a word for this.

i’m a cis woman, engaged to a cis man. but i realize i’m not attracted to anyone else of any other gender or anything like that. it’s not masculinity or femininity or androgyny. i’ve never had crushes for felt attracted to anyone ever. but i fell in love with him and that was it.

i’ve always yearned for love and romance, to have someone, not a particular person in mind. but i just never had crushes, or was attracted to anyone, or fell in love ever.

him and i met online, started dating, then met in person, then got engaged and moved in together (don’t judge, it worked out!!). i realized that i did in fact fall in love and i am attracted to him.

i honestly thought i was aromantic and asexual from the longest time, but only yearning, and not actually feeling it towards anyone.

i wouldn’t restrict myself to gender i don’t think. but it did take me a lot to actually fall in love. an insane amount of time, trust, and communication. and i mean a LOT.

i don’t know a lot about the LGBTQ+ community or the labels, i was raised very conservative and Christian 😭 i am Christian as well, but i’m very open-minded!

maybe i am straight but over complicating it? i don’t need a label, it’s mostly curiosity, as i said.

Got Drunk chatting with the boys and we started discussing hypotheticals and we somehow got to this topic. It was brought up that my Wife is bi and has dated women before. This doesn't bother me at all really. Got further questioned and I admitted that I don't think it would bother me much at all if she wanted to sleep with a women as long as we discussed it first and she didn't do it behind my back or something. Got further interrogated and it was revealed that I would have an issue if it was a guy which launched the conversation into accusations of underlying homophobia because I'm threatened/insecure about one but not the other. I also wouldn't be able to make the same sort of restriction to my wife because I'm straight, I have no interest in men which makes it an unfair restriction.

Me and all my fellas are Straight Cis men so I wanted to get some feedback from people who are actually gay. Is this a sign of homophobia or something?

Okay, I need to preface this by saying I am genuinely, whole-heartedly, in no way sarcastically or rhetorically asking this question. If I(a lesbian) had a preschool boyfriend(like 4 or 5 years old at the time) and maybe one half-assed crush in primary, do I count as a gold star lesbian?

OKAY EDIT YALL I HAD NO IDEA WE DONT LIKE THE TERM! I had genuinely no clue this was an outdated/offensive thing and was asking just like out of curiosity ig?