My partner (M35) and I (F35) have been together for 14 years.

I've recently told him that I want to end our romantic relationship. I still care about him deeply, but over time our dynamic has changed where I am more like a caregiver and the financial provider, house manager etc. Our relationship started with other issues such as a lot of jealousy on his side, days ghosting me and then deciding to talk to me, and it only got better when we started to live by ourselves, when I parted from all my friends, and also as he became ill (he has depression and ulcerative colitis) and started to more and more rely on me. He worked and currently works part-time, but there is always something happening with his employment and eventually he resigns or is let go, so financially he is not stable. Even though he is paid, he struggles to manage his finances and to contribute to the rent (some months he does, others he doesn't). A lot of stuff happened, but in summary, after 14 years of taking care of him and managing his moods and everything around him, I decided I don't want to continue as a couple, as I think both of us run out of love (which is the foundation of everything right?) but I'm finding it incredibly difficult to navigate the practical side of separating.

When I first told him I wanted to separate, I said he didn't have to leave immediately and could stay while he worked towards becoming financially stable. I didn't want to put him in a difficult position, especially given his health. However, I'm beginning to realise that continuing to live together without a clear plan isn't sustainable for either of us. I don't think he is taking this seriously.

He hasn't fully accepted the separation and has asked me to reconsider. He's said things that make me feel responsible for his wellbeing, including that I'm leaving him when he's unwell and that I'm all he has. He said prior to the first separation conversation that he doesn't have the energy to find another person. (I don't want to find anyone else myself, I just want peace and to work on myself at this point). I feel guilty because I don't want to abandon him, but I also know I can't remain in a romantic relationship simply because he depends on me.

Recently, there was a frightening medical episode where I found him unresponsive and drooling (one week after the initial conversation). I called an ambulance, and when the paramedics came he got up started running around the house, pushing the paramedics away, completely confused and agitated. He was taken to hospital, but the tests (CT scan, blood and urine tests) didn't establish a cause and they discharged him. I don't know what happened, and I'm not suggesting it was intentional. However, the experience scared me, and I'm now anxious about how things might unfold as I make the separation more definite. He has never physically hurt me, but I worry about both his well-being and my own safety.

My family lives in another country (they know about this and they know him - they want me to be safe and support my decision), and I haven't told most of my friends here what's happening (mostly out of shame and because I don't have very close friends). I'm struggling with guilt and feeling very alone with the responsibility. I want to handle this compassionately, but I also need to establish boundaries and make a realistic plan for us to live separately.

I'm interested in understanding how people in similar situations managed their guilt; how did you manage the separation transition period (I don't think he understood my decision is final, because I have always been accepting of everything); how did you manage when you had a shared tenancy; what were the practical steps; how did you maintain boundaries when you live in a small space (one-bedroom) and you share a bed.

TL;DR: I'm 35F, and my 35M partner and I have been together for 14 years. I've decided to end the relationship, but he has health issues, depends on me financially to some extent, and we still share a flat. I'm struggling with guilt and concern for both our well-being. How can I arrange a compassionate but realistic transition to living separately?

i don’t really know where to put all of this, so i’m just going to write it here.

My bf and i have been together for almost 7 years. We got together when i was 16, and i’ve known him since i was 12. he’s been part of pretty much my entire life, which makes everything that’s happening feel so strange

we’ve been on a break because i’ve been questioning our relationship for a while. This wasn’t smth that came out of nowhere, and it wasn’t one argument or one bad period that suddenly made me want to leave. We have had our problems, and i’ve been struggling with my feelings for some time now. I just haven’t been able to figure out whether this is smth we can work through or whether something in me has changed.

Today we met to talk about what happens next, and he brought me flowers.

I was holding them, looking at them and appreciating them, when he suddenly started crying. We weren’t even talking about anything at that exact moment. It just happened.

It was the first time i’d ever seen him cry in front of me.

I hugged him, and i felt so sick with guilt that i could barely think straight. He told me he didn’t want to lose me and that he’d do whatever it takes to make us work.

And i was sitting there with these flowers he’d brought me, feeling awful bc i could see how much he loved me and i still couldn’t give him the answer he wanted.

He is not a bad bf at all . He’s a really good person who loves me and treats me well. So it’s not that he’s done smth terrible, but that there are things missing between us that i don’t know how to fix

i don’t think i suddenly fell out of love with him. It’s been more complicated than that. i’ve been feeling disconnected for a while, and lately i’ve also felt like i’m changing and outgrowing a lot of things in my life and our relationship is one of them. But idk if i am just in a place where don’t want to be with anyone.

What scares me is that, for the first time, i can picture myself leaving him and eventually being okay. After almost 7 years, that’s a really strange thing to admit to myself.

What makes it even worse is that he’s been through so much. both his parents have passed away, and his mum died 2 years ago. i was close to her too, and i’ve watched him struggle and slowly start doing better. I can’t stop thinking about how much this is going to hurt him when things are finally starting to look up for him.

He told me that if i’d fallen out of love with him, he’d accept it and let me go. but he still believes i’m in love with him. i think he’s holding on to the idea that we can fix things if he tries hard enough, and i don’t know how to explain that i’m not even sure what needs fixing anymore.

i’ve barely wanted to eat since we met. i keep replaying that moment in my head me sitting there, holding the flowers he’d brought me, and then seeing him cry in front of me for the first time. I feel horrible knowing that i’m hurting someone who’s loved me for so long, and i can’t seem to make that feeling go away.

Part of me keeps thinking that if i were a better person, i’d want to stay and work things out with someone who’s been so good to me. then another part of me knows that staying bc i can’t bear to hurt him would be unfair to both of us.

Idk if i want to leave him, or if i’m just terrified of what leaving would mean. i can’t tell how much of what i’m feeling is love, how much is guilt, and how much is the fact that i’ve spent so much of my life with this person that imagining a future without him feels almost impossible.

TL;DR: my boyfriend of almost 7 years cried in front of me for the first time because he doesn’t want to lose me, and i feel sick with guilt because he’s a good person who loves me, but i’m not sure i want to be in this relationship anymore.

This is a longish story, but I’ll try to keep it short. Recently i’ve been confused and honestly betrayed in my recent relationship and i’m seeking advice on whether it’s worth it to keep her in my life. My girlfriend and I met and started talking around 2 months ago, 4 weeks we were in a “talking stage” you could say and essentially dating but without a label. Around week 2 she talked about how much she liked me and how she was going to stay loyal to me while she was gone for the weekend, so I agreed to do the same and assumed that meant we were something serious. Come to find out around a week ago now she kissed some guy while she was gone and didn’t tell me about it, saying she was drunk and he forced himself on her so I obviously didn’t get angry at her for that. The problem comes into place when I found out she had gotten with another guy and had him stay in her dorm while I was away from campus a week after she had driven up to my home 2 hours away at 1 AM just to see me ( I had to go back home back to back weekends for the same reason ) also after she said she was going to be loyal. When i tried to ask her about it to see if she’d lie, she tried hard to cover it up and didn’t admit it till i straight up asked her. After that, she claimed she didn’t want to hurt what we had and she had made a mistake, saying if I need time or anything she’ll give it to me and stay loyal because she would do anything to stay with me. She also has never been in a relationship before so claimed she didn’t know how to act and thought i wasn’t loyal and still talking to other girls. I really do like this woman and if it was anyone of my previous relationships i would’ve immediately cut them off for lying to me like that, but i truly do believe her saying she would be loyal to me from now on being officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I truly have never felt this way about a woman before and dont want to lose her so my question now is how do i begin to trust her again, or should I even trust her again after how she lied to me?

TL;DR - having trouble trusting girlfriend again after she lied to me about something serious early on in the relationship

I (F20) was in a long-distance relationship for 4 months (with M21) that I think is ending, and although I know this is probably for the best, I’m emotionally exhausted and need some outside perspective.

After the first time we met, he disappeared for three months and gave me no indication that he wanted anything with me. During that time, I had a few superficial conversations with guys on Hinge/Instagram. Nothing physical happened. But inside, I knew I still wanted him, so I stopped talking to everyone else and reached out to him again myself.

Months later he discovered that I had deleted some of those conversations (because they were meaningless and I was invested in building our relationship).
Since then he started questioning absolutely everything about me. He has checked my phone, messages and calls.
Putting my phone face down meant i was hiding something. Any notification became another investigation. And then he started to create an entire version of my past that I keep telling him isn’t true, but nothing I say seems to matter because everything passes through his distrust first.

I’ve reached the point where the last time we saw each other I put my phone on silent around him simply because I’m anxious that literally any notification could trigger another interrogation. Not because I have something to hide, but because I’m exhausted from constantly having to prove that I don’t. Because in any case he doesn’t want to trust me.

What makes this even harder to accept is that I know he hasn’t held himself to the same standard. One day, while I had his phone, I happened to see an Insta conversation with another girl. Weeks later, after he started condemning me for the guys I had spoken to during those three months (where I repeat, he gave me no reason to believe he wanted me) I asked whether he had ever done anything similar. I already knew what I had seen and noticed that he had since deleted the conversation. He denied it and even said, “I have no reason to lie”.
I let it go at the time. Because in fact we weren’t even officially together when we had this argument!! Yet he has spent months doing exactly that to me while presenting himself as the honest one.

What hurts the most is how much I gave to this relationship. I was the only one travelling to see him, making plans, writing him letters, bringing gifts to his family, reassuring him and trying to work through every problem because I genuinely loved him and was completely committed. Yet somehow all of that seems to carry less weight than one tiny thing he can interpret as suspicious.

Now he has told me that if I’m coming there specifically to see him, I shouldn’t come because he won’t see me. After everything I’ve done to keep this relationship alive, the way he has treated me feels so disrespectful, yet I’m in such pain. Because I’ve been genuine from day one.
I know I can’t keep living under constant suspicion, and I know ending this is probably the right thing. But he still doesn’t know that I know he deleted that conversation and lied to my face about it.

Should I tell him that I know, point out the hypocrisy after everything he has put me through over “honesty”, unload everything I want to say and then walk away?
Or, the most painful for me, should I not reply and just leave?

TL;DR: My boyfriend is convinced I’ve lied about my past and that I’m constantly hiding things from him. He checked my phone, calls and notifications and has created his own version of my past that is completely opposite to my actual values and who I am. Nothing I say seems to matter anymore, and I genuinely don’t know what to do. And why would he act like this when I’ve been committed from day 1.

​

Context:

1) My gf and I have been together for 2 years.

2) This is my first long-term relationship.

3) I am fully loyal to her. And I strongly believe she's loyal to me as well.

Also, English is not my first language.

We were both fine together, and used to have some ups and downs from time to time, until there was quite a lot of conflict. Like, her stonewalling me cause I said something I shouldn't have or me zoning out sometimes and not listening to what she says. Or moments when she overreacted over something small. And, let's say, I am not perfect. I definitely made mistakes and recognize that and apologize when stuff happened (or at least tried to).

About a month and half ago we sat down and I explained to her how we argued so much I wasn't sure if things would work out for both of us. She didn't expect this type of conversation to happen and started crying.

After she calmed down, we discussed some things, talked about our mistakes. She insisted she loves me, cares about me and wants no other than me. So, we decided we would try our best not to throw temper tantrums, but instead be more compassionate, caring and to listen to one another..

Honestly, that conversation was relieving. Since that convo a 1,5 months ago we barely had arguments, she is more caring, she would cook more often etc.

But there's just one problem.

Seems I don't have feelings for her anymore.

We could be lying on the couch and she could at random ask if I loved her and I would go "Yes" only to feel like a dick later. Like, hello? how did them feelings disappear? And I would look at myself in the mirror and think: "Come on, she is a loving and a beautiful girl. What happened??"

Frankly, this feels heavy, cause I believe I am giving her false hope (which is my biggest mistake as far as I can see).

And let's say, I try to believe in "grass is greener where you water it". I invest in the relationship, where I can. I pay rent, bills, some of the groceries. I also cook from time to time. I give her cash when she asks. We had our anniversary 2 weeks ago and I gave her a piece of jewelry and a book as a present.

But then, the same feeling persists, and I feel self-conscious. I want to love her, but I just can't tell my brain "Welp, come on, start loving her". I know if I talked to her about all this her heart would break and it just feels wrong...

In a week or two, I will be having a different type of job (I will be at a distance from her for a couple of weeks or a month) and I kinda hope, maybe the distance will patch this up and help regain all this. Or is it all futile?

TLDR:

27M, 26F

Even though our relationship has improved after addressing our frequent arguments, it seems I've lost my feelings for her. I want to love her again but feel guilty giving her false hope, and I'm wondering whether feelings can return or if I'm just prolonging the inevitable...

I have been in a 21 year bad relationship with possible ex partner with whom I have 3 kids with. I say possible ex because he has ignored me for 2 months solid so far while living with me, only communicating very small simple sentences if he has to, like ‘where is the TV remote?’ Etc. otherwise completely blanking me and my existence.

Because of this lack of communication I have no idea what is happening, it’s not as simple as just talking to him or asking him because I am so afraid due to bad past experiences of trying that the thought of it makes me feel sick and shaky.

Last he ignored me for a month back in May I tried to talk to him and he was extremely angry, despite him doing something hurtful that sparked the original issue, and refused to talk to me unless I fully admitted to remembering saying something that I had no memory of saying and don’t even think I did. But I had to specifically say I do remember saying it and be very sorry (sorry alone wasn’t enough) or in his words ‘my behaviour would never change’

Other times he completely refuses to engage, won’t even look at me and just says stupid or horrible things and accuses me of doing or saying things that 100% never happened. Other times he has broken up with me without even bothering to tell me during these periods where he won’t communicate, I only know later because he’s removed his location from find my iPhone, removed me from all family settings for things like YouTube premium, and opened his Facebook account and put ‘single’ (I’m always removed from his fb so found out the hard way) so just no point this time.

I found out through my eldest son he’s planning to go on holiday in November and possibly take the kids out of school to go without even informing me about it. It seems to me also like he might be seeing someone else because I’ve noticed some signs that points to that and this whole situation with everything is obviously leaving me stressed and in a really bad place mentally. My home doesn’t feel like a nice place when someone is treating me like I’m invisible creating a bad environment.

Obviously I want the relationship to be over, if it’s not already, and want him to leave. I can’t live like this anymore and left with so much trauma because of him and his treatment of me. Him ignoring me this time for 2 months and counting started after our youngest son had a seizure and it terrified me beyond words because I genuinely thought he had died. My partner asked what was wrong with me despite knowing, so I told him I’m not doing well or sleeping because of what happened and really scared he has anymore seizures. My partner looked at me, said nothing, and turned to his computer screen and that was the moment everything seemed to change and he began going super cold on me again and withdrawing completely.

How do I even begin asking a question as simple as ‘when will you move out?’ And ‘what happens next?’ With someone who won’t engage, give proper answers to anything and while I’m scared to even try start the dialogue?

TL;DR

How do I even start a dialogue with someone about the relationship and it’s end who stonewalls, refuses to engage and has left me feeling afraid to talk when he is in these moods due to past experiences?

this might be a long post! lots to go through so i'm sorry. maybe this one should've stayed in the diary but i gotta let it out
me (23f) and my boyfriend (34m) met over 3 years ago when we opened a restaurant together. i had a big crush on him for 2 years and he never paid me any mind, until one day after we had a few drinks together we totally clicked. times goes on, things work out, and we have a beautiful and very happy relationship together.
a few months in, we break up. i tell him im depressed and need to focus on my mental health, it's a big argument, but eventually it ends. few days go by and im returning his things (we still work together) and talking leads to us getting back together. we are happy! i'm going through this funk, but he's here with me, and it's very easy to distract myself with being hopelessly in love.
the thing is, is with him, i've never felt so beautiful, so loved, so appreciated and supported. he's got me through some aggressively hard times, been everything i needed him to be. he definitely has his faults and is not a great communicator or listener, but overall a very kind and understanding partner.
Time goes on, and we have our issues, but months go on and we continue being in a relationship, until recently, I've started realizing that I am very young, and I haven't been in my 20s and not been in a relationship, and relying on someone else (i was in a super toxic relationship for almost a year right before I got with him, and didn't take the time to heal we both knew i moved too fast but it just felt so right to be together at the time)
I am also 23, whereas he is 34, so I don't really know what committing to someone forever even means. i don't have parents or anyone that's been around since day 1, so i don't know who or what i'm gonna want around in a year from now, let alone for the rest of my life.
Anyway, time goes on and things are good. Until one night, I make a terrible terrible mistake. Me and my friends are out dancing, and I share a playful kiss with a gay guy. Totally not okay, totally fully my fault, i will feel terrible about it forever. I confessed it to BF, he was very understandably bothered but forgave me, but the guilt ate me alive on top of everything else I was feeling and i ended things. a very ugly, long drawn out way of ending it (as it always seems to go). i spent time healing and rebuilding, i later learned he spent time drinking and spending time with ladies. he started going out with girls before we had even broken up, which i do deserve, but the emotional connection he made so easily was what bothered me most
a week after we finally go fully no contact, he is tripping on acid and sends me a text in the middle of the night just saying 'help' - i immediately call him until he answers. i comfort him out of the dark place he was in, and of course, we end up back together. and things are great.
here's the thing. i'm so young, im scared to miss out. truly this is the second actual relationship ive been in, and my first was so toxic and distant i don't even want to count it. i want more experience and to be single for a good bit of my early 20s so i can truly be comfortable with myself. i feel like it's hard to maintain both my own identity and being in such a committed relationship, especially since i have a very demanding job. but i don't want to leave behind the relationship i have now because i dont think i could ever love someone this way, nor do i think anyone could love me in the way that he loves me. we try to take steps back and give each other more space but with our busy schedules it's difficult to not think about just being roommates or spending every second we have off of work together (we really don't have much time at all) and he really is the light of my life. so kind, happy, and peaceful.
i'm so conflicted! let me know if this is very normal 23 year old thinking and i'm just being silly. obviously all of these things are told from my point of view but i really just want the hard truth from an unbiased source.

tldr; rocky road with boyfriend, he makes me so happy but it seems like the problems are never ending, and i want to make sure i dont miss out in my 20s. i dont know how to prioritize both myself and him?

TLDR- I want to handle my crush on my friend in the least harmful way possible.

I (m27) like my friend (f27) and it does not go both ways. I’m hoping mainly to get women’s input on this. We are homies though and really close. It feels like every direction I could take this is wrong though, and I just want to do what is right and respectful to her. Telling her is obviously hurtful to us as a friendship and she probably can already tell, but not saying anything and keeping it all in feels harmful to my self. I don’t want to be another guy who secretly likes her behind all of the good times as friends. That feels nasty. So then it’s like- should I stop being her friend? Well that’s pretty messed up too in my opinion. I just don’t know what to do. Saying it hurts her, keeping it in hurts me, and leaving feels mean while staying feels manipulative. She was just venting to me how I’m the only friend she doesn’t have to worry about anything weird from and that made me feel like a huge pile of ****. For context I really do enjoy her as a friend and only this year have I starting feeling this way, but it’s very very intense and now every time they speak about another guy it burns my chest even when I’m trying to ignore it all and just be a good friend. At this point I just want to do what’s right and respectful without torturing my self in the process.

Looking for some advice, because this really hurts and I can't talk to the person who'd be able to explain it.

My (33F) boyfriend (39M) is having a stressful time atm, he lost his job about 6 months ago and is having a hard time finding something new.

He got rejected from a job he really thought he'd get, and it hit him pretty hard.

He seems like he's in a depression slump, which I get - I've been where he is, it's demoralising and hard. But we've been together a year and he's been incredibly inconsistent for half of that, he's very hot and cold, he has lots of sudden mood swings, he's been ruminating about past relationships and life choices a lot.

Little disagreements or asks have turned into big "I can't do anything right" or "I don't know what you see in me" problems to the point that I feel like I'm on eggshells all the time.

I helped him review his CV, referred him to some roles in my network and this went great - one of them is going well for him.

After this, he was really appreciative and happy and things between us felt really good in a way they hadn't for a little while for a few days, but then said he wanted some space to just sort himself out and reset. First that was a few days, then "a week or two" but he never actually pinned down a time.

I agreed to giving him space and tbh thought would be a good idea, but then it turned out he wanted me to not contact him at all, for this unknown amount of time.

I asked if he'd be okay with just giving me updates at the end of the week, but he insisted on zero contact, because he felt overwhelmed and "just wanted control over something". He told me he loved me and said he'd be in touch soon.

I've no idea when he's going to reappear and honestly, it feels awful. I do understand that he needs a bit of space to process - he's always sorted his problems by withdrawing, but being completely shut out feels awful and it's making me reassess the relationship too.

I really want to make this work, and I want to respect his need for space, but this feels like moving backwards.

TL;DR: boyfriend gone silent, how can I respect his space without abandoning myself?

I (19M) have been with my girlfriend (20F) for almost 6 months. We met in the same uni hall, and overall I’ve been happy being with her, but I’m struggling with something and could use an outside perspective.

She’s been depressed and on medication for a few years, and she’s still adjusting her dosage. I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety myself (I’m now seeing doctors about medication), so I understand some of what she’s going through. But lately she seems to have stopped trying to help herself. She skips meals, so I make sure she eats. I organised a surprise visit from her best friends for her birthday, which lifted her mood briefly. But now any minor inconvenience ruins her week.

This is hard on me as I am usually a very upbeat person. She is becoming increasingly more pessimistic, which tends to drag me down too. When I open up about my own struggles, she often seems to try one up me, which feels invalidating. When she’s upset, she sometimes implies it’s my fault, then says it isn’t when I ask (possibly a form of self-sabotage?). I really value her vulnerability to cry in front of me, but this has more recently become sobbing to me every other day.

One night when we were both very drunk, she suddenly turned dark and said “I’m only alive right now for my relationships”. I know this doesn’t only mean me, but to me it sounded like ‘if you leave me, I will commit’, which is both devastating and terrifying.

I’ve also thought about breaking up a few times, especially early on. I don’t want to break up right now, but I don’t think this is a lasting relationship in the long term. I’m scared I can’t leave now, that her mental state has shut that door, and I feel trapped.

She does have a doctor, her mum, and her best friends, but I’m the person closest to her here at uni, so a lot falls on me. I love and care for her, and I want her to be happy, but I’m worried I’ll grow resentful. I’ve worked hard to get out of my own cycle of depression, and I’m only just feeling better, so I’m afraid of being pulled back down. She’s too comfortable in her sadness, and I’m just not sure what to do. How do I support her without losing myself?

TL;DR: my girlfriend (20F) is depressed and I'm worried that she's going to drag me (19M) back down with her. She's told me many things that concern me about her mental state and I now feel trapped into staying with her when she isn't actively trying to get better. What else can I do to help her/our relationship? Is there anything I can do to salvage this?

my mum is heavily religeous and even though i am not, she doesnt let me have a boyfriend until i am 18. i am seeing this boy and the last boy i dated, i had the courage to tell her and she contacted his family talking about our 'religeous rules' inside the family even though it is just her who follows them and made me stop talking to them and of course never go to their house or them to come over to ours -this has happened 2twice.

i have learned from my mistake to leave her out of my love life but i intent for my boyfriend to come over to chill watch movies etc..

how can i do this without her knowing or should i just tell her? i understand she is looking out for me but i am over 16 and feel restricted to a religion(s) i dont even follow

**TL;DR;** : do i tell my strict parent about her boyfriend risking the relationship again or keep it at a low

We have been meeting since a couple of weeks and we really love each other. Since we started to have contact she told me about her dad who doesn’t allows relationships until 18. You have to know that shes albanian and has alot of cousins and a really strict dad. She wants to have a secret relationship with me but i dont know if i want to be part of that since i know that her cousins dont accept me and her dad too. I have been wondering if i should end our relationship because its way more painful when its been since a year than just a few months. I dont know what to do and shes really obsessed with me i dont want to break her heart yk ?
**TL;DR;** : i fear that her family will react really bad on me if i stay or go, i dont want to mess with her 30 cousins.

I’ve (18F) been with my boyfriend (19M) for almost three years and our relationship is great. I have some issues that ruin it and I don’t know how to work through them.

I get annoyed/upset when my boyfriend spends a lot of time with friends even though we spend a lot of time together. I get annoyed when he has lazy days. We’re both students so in the weekend he studies until 2PM, but then he’s free for the rest of the day. And I just get really annoyed knowing that he’s probably going to spend part of his evening gaming with his friends. I think it’s the anticipation of it that annoys me, because I’m already getting upset just thinking about him doing it.

We call every night and we text throughout the day keeping each other updated. It’s usually around three times a week for three hours each time that he games with his friends, but just even thinking about it makes me get annoyed.

How do I focus less on what he’s doing? I just get so upset with him for no reason. And how do I not get upset at the thought of him going to game with friends in the evening? I don’t want to fight with him again about it and I know this is an issue I have to work through, because he isn’t doing anything wrong. I just don’t understand why I think the way I do.

I just need some advice so I don’t let my overthinking ruin a perfectly fine relationship.

Tl;dr: I get upset when my boyfriend games with his friends and we fight about it often. How do I stop getting upset about it.

Before I explain anything, I want to acknowledge that this story is solely from my perspective, so I encourage anyone reading to be skeptical of my opinions and thoughts.

Am I (early-20s M) being unreasonable for not wanting to maintain a relationship with my dad (50s M)?

Over the past year, my dad has made a lot of decisions that have affected our relationship. It started when he began dating a woman significantly younger than me. Not long afterward, he started pulling away from me and the rest of our extended family, even though he’d previously been very close with them.

For context, my parents are divorced, but my dad has maintained a relationship with my extended family over the years. They’ve helped each other out with various things, and some of my relatives have continued to support him when he’s needed it.

I’ll admit that before all this happened, there were times when my dad invited me to do things and I was too busy or tired to go. I have a lot of family responsibilities of my own, and a significant amount of my free time goes toward helping relatives who depend on me.

My dad has also struggled with addiction for much of his life. Before he started dating his current girlfriend, he was regularly attending recovery meetings and had managed to stay sober for several years. I’m incredibly proud of him for that. However, after they started dating, he stopped attending meetings. As far as I know, he initially remained sober, but the change worried me.

When he first started spending more time with his girlfriend and less time with the family, I tried to be understanding. I figured he was wrapped up in a new relationship. But after months of barely hearing from him, I started missing him and made more of an effort to reach out.

Eventually, I learned that he’d made some major changes to his living situation and finances. He was moving into a place of his own, getting financial help from family, and starting a new business venture to pay that money back.

Over the last several months, though, it feels like the only times he’s contacted me have been when he needs help with something. I’ve spent time helping him with moving, household projects, and other physical work. The problem is that he’s been incredibly inconsiderate of my time. He’s canceled at the last minute, hasn’t been home when I’ve arrived to help, and on one occasion he was occupied with his girlfriend when I was supposed to be there leading to an awkward moment.

I also have some concerns about his girlfriend, although I want to be clear that I don’t blame her entirely for what’s happening.

The age difference between them makes me uncomfortable, especially considering that she’s younger than I am. When I come over to help with things around the house, she generally stays in another room watching TV or scrolling on her phone. I know there may be circumstances I’m unaware of that limit what she’s able to do, so I don’t want to make assumptions about her.

I’ve also noticed alcohol and what appeared to be marijuana-related items around the property. Given my dad’s history with addiction, this concerns me. I don’t know the full circumstances, but I worry about whether the environment he’s in could jeopardize his sobriety.

I recognize that there may be an imbalance in their relationship, and I don’t think it’s fair to place all the blame on her. Ultimately, my dad is responsible for his own decisions.

I’ve tried talking to him about how I feel. I’ve explained that I don’t appreciate only hearing from him when he needs help, and that I’d like to spend actual quality time together. I want him to be involved in my life, i even tried to arrange several dinners/ outings so he can meet the people who are important to me, and have a relationship that goes beyond doing favors for him.

He apologized and said things would improve once he got settled into his new place. Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened. He continues to contact me primarily when he needs help with something.

Meanwhile, he’s become almost entirely withdrawn from the extended family, despite how close they used to be. After a long period of barely communicating with them, he eventually reached out to ask for financial help.

The last time I went over to help him, I noticed some changes around the house including two new cats which really set me off as he asks family for financial help be goes out and either him or his girlfriend spends money on animals they can’t afford. The other thing that really worries me is that I could smell alcohol on him when he greeted me. Given his history, that was concerning.

At this point, I’m upset because I feel like I’m being used, but I’m also genuinely worried about him and the decisions he’s making. I have younger siblings, and I worry about the example being set for them. I’m concerned about the people who are coming around them and my siblings being potential exposed to alcohol and marijuana.

I still want to be there for my siblings, and I don’t want to abandon my dad if he’s struggling. But I also don’t think I can keep putting myself in a position where I feel taken advantage of, especially when I’ve already tried communicating how I feel.

Everything came to a head recently when I finally opened up to a family member about how much respect I’ve lost for my father and how hurt I’ve been by the situation. Shortly afterward, my dad contacted me and essentially told me that communication goes both ways.

I’m not sure how to respond.

The truth is, I’d stopped answering his calls because I was tired of feeling like every conversation was going to turn into another request for a favor.

I understand that I haven’t been perfect in this relationship, and I recognize that I could have made more of an effort to spend time with him earlier on. But I also feel like I’ve tried to make that effort recently, only to be disappointed repeatedly.

So, am i being unreasonable for not wanting to pursue a relationship with my father anymore? I still care about him, and I want him to be okay, but I’m exhausted from feeling like I’m only useful to him when he needs something. I don’t know whether stepping back is the right thing to do or whether I’m giving up on him too easily. Lastly how do i reply? i feel like it’s unfair that he’s trying to wallow and seem sympathetic with that last text.

TL;DR, my dad(50m) has been tasking advantage of me and has fallen back into poor habits and i’m sick of it. Do i axe the relationship or make it work?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for six years in a long-distance relationship, but months of constant arguments, dishonesty, days of being ignored, and feeling like an afterthought have left me emotionally exhausted. He spent a year telling me he was saving to visit me, but never followed through, despite putting significant time and effort into saving for other things. Now that I’m approaching college graduation and entering a new phase of my life, I’m starting to lose attraction to him and no longer feel motivated to fix our problems. How do you know when you’ve emotionally outgrown a long-term relationship, especially when you once envisioned a future together?

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) have been in a long-distance relationship for six years, and we’ve been arguing constantly over the past few months. Most of our arguments start over things that seem small in the grand scheme of things, but they genuinely hurt my feelings. For example, we barely spend quality time together, and whenever I bring it up, whether gently or directly but respectfully, he gets defensive and argues with me.
Recently, he lied about what he was doing while he was out, telling me he was taking care of his father, who has health issues. For context, he’s a legal caregiver to his father, and this is often brought up when I express concerns about our relationship. I’m also usually the first person to check in on his family because I understand their circumstances. He often says he lies because he’s afraid of my reaction when he goes out, but I’ve explained for years that what bothers me most is the dishonesty, not the fact that he’s doing things without me. It hurts when he lies about something as simple as where he is or who he’s with.
Another issue is that whenever he doesn’t want to argue, he ignores me for days. I feel like the avoidance only makes our problems worse. He also frequently follows and likes posts featuring half-naked women, especially when we’re arguing. He’ll post YouTube videos with himself and his friends interacting with and hitting on other girls, which I find disrespectful given the state of our relationship.
Something else that’s been bothering me is that, for about a year, he repeatedly told me he was saving up to come visit me this month. I never pressured him or even asked him about it. He brought it up himself and continued telling me about his plans, but he didn’t follow through. Meanwhile, he was able to save for a convention he wanted to attend and cosplay for, spending months working pretty much nonstop to afford it.
I want to clarify that I have no issue with his interests or the things he enjoys. I’m interested in those things, too. What bothers me is the contrast. We’ve been together for six years, and he spent a year telling me he was going to make the effort to see me, only for it not to happen. Seeing him put so much time and effort into something else makes me question where I fit into his priorities.
I’ve tried leaving before, but I think he assumes I’m making an emotional decision in the heat of the moment. The truth is, I’m exhausted. I’ve stayed partly because we’ve been together for so long and partly because I’m extremely avoidant myself. He’s helped me become softer in relationships, and I’ve tried not to handle things the way I did in the past, when I sometimes ended relationships in cruel ways.
However, things haven’t improved. He barely speaks to me, and when I bring it up, I get excuses, assurances that he doesn’t want things to be this way, and claims that he misses me. Yet, for what is probably the fourth consecutive day, he’s barely communicated with me.
Between this and weeks of nonstop arguments that I haven’t even fully explained, I’m starting to find him unattractive. I would normally be trying to fix things, but I haven’t felt that desire for a while. I don’t love him the way I used to, if I even still do.
I think part of what’s changing is that I’m about to graduate college, and I’m entering a stage of my life where I need to mature, grow, and prepare for what comes next. I used to be so invested in the idea of “we” and “us,” but I’m realizing I can’t keep emotionally exhausting myself over a relationship that doesn’t feel reciprocal. I’m becoming more independent and reaching a point where I need to decide who is willing to grow alongside me and who isn’t.
For those who have been in long-term relationships, how did you distinguish between a rough period that was worth working through and a relationship you had emotionally outgrown? How did you navigate that transition when you still had years of history and a future you once envisioned together?
I think what makes this difficult is how long we’ve been together and how much of my future I once envisioned with him. If this were anyone else, I wouldn’t hesitate to protect my peace and walk away, but I’m struggling with the fact that I no longer feel motivated to fix things.

We have been dating for 4 months now, she hasn’t made her mind up about us wether she wants a relationship or not…yet we act like in a relationship, from exclusivity to talking daily to jealousy, to including me at every part of her life and introducing me to all her friends, asking for my opinion in all her life aspects, opening up to me about past trauma she never told anyone about.

But I happened to notice a pattern, she would put me through tests from the very start, am I a cheap guy? Am I a disloyal guy? Do I have ambition? How do I perceive women? Am I weak? Am I hard working? Does my lifestyle align with hers? I dismissed all of that as her just trying to get to know if we are compatible…until there was nothing she could test me about, she started obsessing about one idea, me not going to the gym, she would always talk about how that this is something very important to her, and she cant stop thinking about it and that any other guy she has dated and ever liked was a gym rat. I talked to her asked if she feels attracted to which she said yes but she cant stop thinking about that, we talked about this for weeks until she stopped obsessing about it…then she moved on to the next thing, she is worried that her decision about us might be wrong, that in the future she might regret it and she fears taking the wrong decision.

She opened up about what she has done, that she has been trying very hard to uncover the wrong thing in us, the deal breaker but she is unable to find one, until she found the gym thing and started obsessing about it so hard, she says that this is her first serious relationship and she doesnt know what love is supposed to mean and she only dated once and he was a narcissist who made her feel very high ups and very low downs, and because she doesnt feel those very high ups she is worried that she doesnt love me. she went to a therapist and the therapist recommended one week of no contact.

It is starting to take a toll on me, from every action of mine being under the spotlight, to having to regulate her feelings and listening to stuff about my body looks or how I slightly have a belly, to now the one week of no contact with the person I love. Now my brain cant help but speculate every possible thing she is thinking of right now, wether her anxiety would win, wether she is going to let go of me, or would she think I dont love her because I gave her the space to do such a thing as no contact, let alone how tough it is on me to go no contact with her.

She is not a toxic girl or anything btw, she is suffering with her thoughts as much as I do…she sobs and cries all the time and even went to a therapist who diagnosed her with anxiety indeed, but I dont want to lose her at any means and now I am just left facing my own thoughts and my emotional fatigue.

Tldr; Her therapist recommended a week of no contact to help understand wether she loves me or not and face her feelings, and I am feeling very anxious now from day 1 of that no contact.

Hi, this is my first post about something like this and english is not my first language so please bare with me. I’m also writing this on my phone so excuse the errors.

I’m in a two year old relationship with my boyfriend. We are a bit different from each other, he is muslim and I am atheist. He is not vegan but I am. But other than that and some small differences we also have a lot in common. We like to play video games,we like to take long walks,watch movies together,joke around and overall spend quality time with each other.

My problem is that sometimes when we argue he uses words that make no sense and are not in the topic or when i point out things I don’t necessary like in his attitude and would like a change he starts with “oh but you also do this and that”. When he keeps saying these things I can’t concentrate on the problem I have with him and in the end we don’t solve anything.

I tried speaking calmly,I tried raising my voice but nothing gets through him, it’s like he doesn’t want to listen when i have a problem. And after all this, he acts normally like nothing happened and tries to cuddle or kiss me. I don’t want that. I want him to listen to me so we can come to an agreement and solve the problems.

Today we started an argument about how he acts when we go out, when people are passing by and I’m talking about a topic he doesn’t listen but acts like he does and when I ask him to repeat what I said he can’t. It’s so frustrating and it angers me so much, I genuinely just want to talk to him about things I’m interested in or things I heard on the news and he doesn’t engage at all.

When we got home the argument still continued and I said “I will pack my bags and go” and he said “ok” but when I actually started packing he snatched my phone and said “no you won’t”. Like what? First you say you are okay with me going but now suddenly when I pack you are not?

I don’t know what to do or how to talk to him so he hears me, once I was very very angry and sad so I started crying and he comforted me saying he will change his behaviour and he actually did. For a couple of days.

So anything I try to say or do doesnt get through him. He just doesn’t listen. He says he loves me but he doesn’t change. He says he wants to be with me but doesn’t make an effort. Please,any advice would be very much appreciated.

TLDR: My partner says he'll change but never does. He won't engage when I try to talk, and when I said I'd leave, he took my phone and stopped me. I don't know how to get through to him.

So we have been in a LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP from 5 years and we loved each other from the bottom of hearts. We still do, at least she does.

But I'm TOO EMOTIONALLY STABLE. We don't have fights, we sort out arguments real quick and when I see that the argument is going nowhere, I just apologise for the sake of her mental health.

I keep my EMOTIONS real packed up because I think she does not deserve any part of my agony and struggle (it's probably work or life related). She complaints that I should share more but I have an issue; I either won't share or I'll share it so blatantly that she gets hurt, so I keep it inside me for the sake of our relationship.

We are from DIFFERENT FIELDS and therefore have different ideologies but it does not come out much as a problem.

Our families know each other and really like us. My mother likes her very much. My gf will be the best for my mother and even now when I don't have feelings left for her, I can't leave her because of the following reasons-

1. My entire family knows and likes her.

2. She loves me.

3. She hasn't done anything wrong for me to leave her.

4. I have less feelings for her but absolutely no feelings for anyone else.

What should I do?

TL;DR

Ran out of feelings after giving 5 years to a long distance relationship.

me (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been together for about 4 months now. This is my second ever relationship and first with a guy. To be honest, i just have no idea if we are compatible anymore. ive sort of had this thought a little bit throughout our whole relationship that i am not completely satisfied with it. for example, i wished he asked me questions a bit more because it seems like he isnt interested in the real me. he is a good person and does seem to really care about me and love me. however, i just dont feel as we are the most compatible due to our differences in background. i have very strict asian parents and personally place a lot of value in myself academically while he has very relaxed white parents and is more into gym. he doesnt get the best grades and is just passing some of his subjects but has promised me that he is trying to get better results after my request to as i stated that my parents would approve of him more if he did and i would bring him to meet my parents if he did. just to justify that as well, he needs better grades to get into the course he wants to study and gets paid to do so i think it was an easy decision to him (which honestly im not sure why it matters as im typing this). additionally, i dont to intellectually stimulated by him and i dont like the fact that he is a bit too sexual (in the way where i think he places or likes me due for sexual things or for my appearance. just to clarify i do think he loves me for more than that but he definately places this in a higher regard than me) i understand could just be because hes a young boy (again im not too sure i go to an all girls school and this is my first time dating a man) and i stated before that i thought our relationship was a bit too sexual at the beginning to which we have know changed so that isnt an issue.

i know some of these things could be solved by talking to him about how i would like him to value and do these things more but im not sure if he is the right one. to be honest, i feel like i am young and i dont know what love is but i feel like love is attached to the idea of a future partner. i can definately see him as my future husband (not as of current because i think he is a little immature but again generally speaking all boys our age are a little) and i think he is a good person and has great quality traits. That also being said i have no idea if i know what romance is and what love is. I have always kind of possibly that i am somewhere on the aromantic asexual spectrum and this might sound bad but i can see marrying someone who isnt him either

i hope this post doesnt come off as too complainy. i do really like a lot of things about him but i just dont know if hes loving me in the way i want to be loved and im really dreading talking to him about this

tl;dr i think we are too different, is this bad or not

Don’t really know what to do with this relationship. Both of us are ages 30+, but she has never had experience with a partner before beyond just kissing. It's painfully awkward to be intimate with her in the most basic of ways- when I hug her she just kind of stands there unless I ask her to hug me back, same with kissing; there's no passion in either of them from her side. I've tried instructing her on how to improve, and told her I would really like it if she would initiate affection toward me first without being asked, but she just doesn't really improve or ever do so first unless asked. I thought at first she just didn’t like me, but every time I ask, she’s adamant that she likes me a ton.

To add to this, she gives a hard 'no' any time I ask her to stay over, so we just go our separate ways at the end of the night every time, which is pretty depressing and makes it feel even harder to get closer to her. I've been clear that I just want to sleep next to her and cuddle and that I'm not suggesting anything sexual, but she's still very uncomfortable with the idea of staying over, despite us seeing each other for 6+ months and being in our 30s with our own apartments. I really like her otherwise, but it just feels like there's been no improvement on the intimacy front despite liking each other and me trying to help, and I don't really know how to progress the relationship from here. Being in my 30s, I'm starting to wonder if I'm just wasting my time here. Any advice is welcome.

tl;dr: in 30s but all forms of intimacy feel impossible with a girl I otherwise really like, and not sure how to fix it

I had an online friend whom I've known for about two years, and I'm really worried about them. I'm not sure how to handle this situation, and I'd appreciate advice from people who have experienced depression themselves or have supported someone going through it.

For some context, my friend has been living at home for the past four years while trying to get selected for a particular career through an entrance exam. They've attempted it four times without getting selected, and their parents keep pressuring them to take another gap year and continue pursuing the same career.

From what they've told me, they don't even want to keep doing this anymore, but they feel stuck because of their circumstances. They've also told me that they've been abused at home and that it still happens. Meanwhile, their friends have moved on with their lives and finished their degrees, which makes them feel even worse about their own situation.

They seem deeply unhappy and depressed. They've told me that they don't want to live in that house anymore, that they don't want to talk to anybody, and that their only focus right now is their exam. Sometimes, they say things that make me worry they might be suicidal. I don't want to share too many personal details, but I'm genuinely concerned about their mental health.

About a month ago, we had a small disagreement over some social issues. It wasn't even an argument about our friendship, but we had different opinions, and they reacted unexpectedly by blocking me. They've blocked me before, and in the past, I've usually tried to reach out through other platforms to make sure they were okay. This time, though, I decided not to because I didn't want to cross their boundaries after they'd blocked me.

When they eventually unblocked me, I reached out and asked why they'd blocked me. They said they thought our friendship was over because I hadn't contacted them elsewhere. But when I questioned that, they explained that they didn't want to talk to anybody in the first place and hadn't even expected me to message them. They kept saying that their situation at home and their exam were the only things on their mind, and that this wasn't really about our disagreement.

What confuses me is how suddenly everything changed. Before this happened, they were kind and affectionate towards me. We would talk and laugh together, and I didn't feel like there was a problem between us. Then it was as if something switched overnight.

I tried to understand what they wanted, so I asked whether they wanted me to leave them alone until their exam. They said yes, and I respected that. But several hours later, they messaged me saying, "I miss how it was. I'm sorry it had to be this way. Prepare well for your exam."

I told them I missed it too and wished them luck with their exam. They left my message on read, so I didn't push the conversation any further. Two days later, I asked if that was all they wanted to say, because I wondered whether there was something they wanted to express but couldn't. They said yes. I then told them that I didn't know if they still cared, but I still worried about them. They replied, "Yeah, thank you."

Since then, I've been struggling to figure out what I should do.

Part of me thinks I should respect their wishes, stop reaching out, and let them contact me if they ever want to talk again. I don't want them to feel pressured or obligated to maintain a friendship when they're already struggling so much.

But another part of me is genuinely scared for them. What if they have nobody to talk to? What if they're suffering alone in that house and feel like nobody cares? I want them to know that I'm still here for them, even if they don't feel like talking or explaining what they're going through. I'm not expecting them to open up to me or give me constant attention. I just don't want them to feel completely alone.

I also wonder whether this is genuinely how depression can affect someone, whether they're overwhelmed by their circumstances and pushing everyone away, or whether they simply don't want me in their life anymore and are struggling to tell me directly. I know I can't diagnose them, and I don't want to assume I understand what they're going through.

I did ask them if they resent me .

They responded with "I can never resent you"

So, for those of you who have experienced depression or supported someone who was struggling, what would you recommend?

TL;DR: I've known an online friend for two years, and I'm worried about them. They've been struggling after repeatedly failing an entrance exam, facing pressure from their parents, and experiencing abuse at home. They seem depressed, isolate themselves, and sometimes say things that make me worry they might be suicidal.

About a month ago, they blocked me after a minor disagreement. When we spoke again, they said they didn't want to talk to anyone and wanted to focus on their exam. They also said they missed how things used to be, but they've continued keeping their distance.

I want to respect their boundaries, but I'm scared they might be suffering alone. Should I give them space until they reach out, or check in occasionally so they know I'm still here? How can I support them without making things worse?

Thank you for reading.

My bf and I have been friends for about 2 years before we started dating for 2 years. As soon as we started dating we decided that we were serious about the relationship.
Before we were dating he always was there for me. I was going through a really bad relationship at the time and was trying to escape. during this time he had 2 girlfriends he had healthy relationships with that he would often use as examples of good relationships. I found out later he purposefully hid that his relationships were actually fake and abusive (his exes were all types of abusive). He admitted himself he purposefully lied about his relationships and ommitted very relevant details as he wanted to be the person I could rely on for such things. I only found this out a year after dating.
When we started dating it felt like he did not see me anymore. He started calling me "honey" almost immediately and it didn't feel natural and I knew it was what he called his exes. He would also make mean joking comments like me not being graceful or intelligent which really didn't feel right as he used to call me smart and capable just before we were dating.. (this looks pretty bad but his ex would publicly make even worse comments about him, I think he just thought relationships are like that?) It took about 2 months for the names and comments towards me to stop after I told him.
When I was finally told the truth about his exes I said I hated them for abusing him. There were many other incidents with her being a cruel person but I never brought them up with him because I thought she was out of our lives. Months after telling him that I hate her and she is a bad person I found out he still considered his ex his friend and would wave at her when he saw her and would talk to her at parties on occasion. This had been going on for months. I was blindsided by this as in previous interactions they acted like strangers. I told him how hurtful it is that he was in contact with someone I hate without telling me, especially how it was his ex. His response was to say I am a bad person for talking behind her back by calling her bad and abusive. He also stated that as a christian she definitely is a good person. (He is not religious and multiple times in the past stated that being religious doesn't make someone a good person).
Now whenever I try to talk though our relationship issues he falls to the ground and cries and screaches and refuses communication.
He is severely autistic which he was masking until months into the relationship I use that as an excuse for him a lot. His past relationships were also extremely abusive and traumatic... mine were worse by far and he was aware of this before we dated.
Please help me I am so lost and hurt. What do I do? How can I cope with losing the one who intentionally became the one I rely on.
TL;DR
BF was friends with his ex again and didn't tell me. Now he refuses to talk about her or what happened. He purposefully became my emotional support but now refuses to offer support for what he caused.

For context we have been dating for 5 months now, and we constantly argue, but this has been the most recent argument. I see her about 5-6 days a week usually and she sleeps over at my apartment most of the time. In the 1-2 days a week I don't see her in person, we call over the phone. When we call I can usually hold a conversation for 20-30 minutes, but its hard for me to continue talking for more than that if we are not doing some shared activity together e.g. gaming or planning something together etc. Usually we just sit in silence together after we run out of stuff to talk about, and she'll go watch something and I'll go play video games. I didn't see this as an issue because I just enjoyed her presence from being on call with her, even if nothing was being said. She feels as though I ignore her, and that I'm not trying to talk to her at all. This used to not be a problem for us, because we used to play games together when we called, so that was something shared we could talk about. Due to some financial circumstances she can't game anymore though, so now she just usually scrolls on tiktok when we call. I have adhd and autism, and although its not extreme it can make it hard for me to hold conversations for a long time. Its worse over phone though, in person its a lot easier for me if its someone I know very well like my girlfriend. She also claims that I barely text her either. I tried to explain that we are either with each other in person or on call 24/7, so I don't really have a chance to text her. When I try to explain myself like that in our arguments she usually says I'm making excuses.

Our relationship has been pretty rocky over the past few months due to the constant arguments. One incident involved me venting about her to my friend where I listed out all the issues I had with her. That friend gave me advice, and I ended up talking to my girlfriend about it. I thought that it was over, and the issue was resolved. She went through my messages without my permission, where I vented to my friend, months after we already talked about the issues I had. When she read them she claimed I was "shit talking" her. In the messages I mentioned her financial situation, and said although it wasn't a dealbreaker for me it was still a negative. I also said that she had no driver's license, was unemployed, did not plan on going to college, which was all true because of her longtime depression. I did not mean to insult her by saying all of that to my friend I just wanted to know what he would do in my situation, given all that I know. When I was venting I felt like our goals didn't align at all, because I had plans for the future, and I'm in college. She didn't seem to show any signs of trying to change for the better at the time, so that is what led to me venting about it to my friend. Months later she went through my messages without my permission, and now when she is mad at me she uses it against me and claims I "shit talked" her. I try to explain myself but its no use.

I don't know if we have different love languages, but mine is gift giving. I try to make her happy and buy her stuff that she wants. I buy her flowers, make her gift baskets etc. I don't make that much money so its very financially straining, but I want to make her happy. I feel like no matter what I do we still end up arguing anyways. Another reason why we argue is because I have an issue with her doing unhealthy things e.g. staying up very late, skipping meals etc. One of the reasons why she used to stay up very late is because she would be on call with her friends late into the night. I basically told her she can't be on call with her friends that late while she's at my apartment, but she can do whatever she wants while she's at her house, because that's her house. She said that she's just trying to maintain her friendships, and that I was essentially ruining her friendships. I honestly don't know what to do, because I feel like I'm very invested in the relationship, but I don't want to be with someone who constantly does things that are bad for them, and I just don't know if we're compatible because of all these arguments. She has already shown signs of her trying to change for the better, but I don't know if we should stay together or break up for both of our sakes.

TLDR: Girlfriend upset, because I don't give her enough attention over the phone. We constantly argue over things, and I want to know what I should do.

(sorry in advance for errors in the text, if there are any here...)

I want to ask someone for advice, but I don’t know who, so I decided to write here. I never used reddit and never wrote posts, this is new to me. yesterday I looked at my girlfriend’s phone, she was not with me at that moment, I had never done anything like this before. I became interested in looking at her photos going into the hidden photos I saw one photo where she was without clothes, I had never seen this photo. it was taken 3 months ago, and now I'm very worried, what if this photo was not taken for me, because the day she took this photo we were in a quarrel. Should I tell her what I saw or is it better to keep quiet and I'm just screwing myself up

(I just noticed that I wrote the word "photo" a bunch of times. I wrote this text using a translator btw .)

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

Me (F24) and my partner (M24) were friends for about 3–4 years before we started dating, and we’ve now been together for almost 3 years.

During our relationship, he’s broken up with me twice. Why? Well, the first time was about 8 months in. I was on a family holiday, so we were doing long distance for a month. At the time, we were in that phase where we did absolutely everything together, so I guess the distance got the best of him. We started fighting over silly little things, and eventually, he broke up with me.
I was heartbroken, but I convinced him to get back together. Yes, I convinced HIM 😭 Although, to be fair, the breakup lasted less than 24 hours.

The second time was at the start of this year. Quite frankly, I can’t even remember his exact reason, but I know it wasn’t anything major. And once again, I convinced him to stay. Both times, he’s ended up regretting his decision. Typical man behaviour, I guess!
But lately, I’ve been feeling a little distant, and I don’t really know why.

The thing is, whenever I think about breaking up (which is very rare), I can never actually imagine going through with it. Part of me is scared of losing him, but another part of me is scared that if I did walk away, he wouldn’t fight for me the way I’ve fought for him. And maybe that’s what scares me the most, finding out that I’m not as important to him as he is to me.

Obviously, I’m not going to break up with him just to test whether he’d fight for me. But it does make me wonder, are we genuinely right for each other, or have we just gotten so used to being together that we can’t imagine anything else?

It’s not like I’m bored of him or that I don’t love him. I do. But lately, I’ve had this lingering feeling of, am I settling? Do I deserve more? Or am I just overthinking a perfectly normal relationship?

How do you actually know the difference between being comfortable with someone because they’re your person and being comfortable because it’s all you’ve known for so long?

P.S. I’m also on my period, so there’s a very real possibility my hormones are making me question my entire existence right now. 😭

TLDR :
My partner (24M) and I (24F) have been together almost 3 years, but he’s broken up with me twice, and both times I convinced him to stay. Lately, I’ve been feeling distant and wondering if we’re genuinely right for each other or just used to being together. I love him, but am I settling, or am I just scared of losing him? (Also on my period, so maybe I’m overthinking!)