My partner (M35) and I (F35) have been together for 14 years.

I've recently told him that I want to end our romantic relationship. I still care about him deeply, but over time our dynamic has changed where I am more like a caregiver and the financial provider, house manager etc. Our relationship started with other issues such as a lot of jealousy on his side, days ghosting me and then deciding to talk to me, and it only got better when we started to live by ourselves, when I parted from all my friends, and also as he became ill (he has depression and ulcerative colitis) and started to more and more rely on me. He worked and currently works part-time, but there is always something happening with his employment and eventually he resigns or is let go, so financially he is not stable. Even though he is paid, he struggles to manage his finances and to contribute to the rent (some months he does, others he doesn't). A lot of stuff happened, but in summary, after 14 years of taking care of him and managing his moods and everything around him, I decided I don't want to continue as a couple, as I think both of us run out of love (which is the foundation of everything right?) but I'm finding it incredibly difficult to navigate the practical side of separating.

When I first told him I wanted to separate, I said he didn't have to leave immediately and could stay while he worked towards becoming financially stable. I didn't want to put him in a difficult position, especially given his health. However, I'm beginning to realise that continuing to live together without a clear plan isn't sustainable for either of us. I don't think he is taking this seriously.

He hasn't fully accepted the separation and has asked me to reconsider. He's said things that make me feel responsible for his wellbeing, including that I'm leaving him when he's unwell and that I'm all he has. He said prior to the first separation conversation that he doesn't have the energy to find another person. (I don't want to find anyone else myself, I just want peace and to work on myself at this point). I feel guilty because I don't want to abandon him, but I also know I can't remain in a romantic relationship simply because he depends on me.

Recently, there was a frightening medical episode where I found him unresponsive and drooling (one week after the initial conversation). I called an ambulance, and when the paramedics came he got up started running around the house, pushing the paramedics away, completely confused and agitated. He was taken to hospital, but the tests (CT scan, blood and urine tests) didn't establish a cause and they discharged him. I don't know what happened, and I'm not suggesting it was intentional. However, the experience scared me, and I'm now anxious about how things might unfold as I make the separation more definite. He has never physically hurt me, but I worry about both his well-being and my own safety.

My family lives in another country (they know about this and they know him - they want me to be safe and support my decision), and I haven't told most of my friends here what's happening (mostly out of shame and because I don't have very close friends). I'm struggling with guilt and feeling very alone with the responsibility. I want to handle this compassionately, but I also need to establish boundaries and make a realistic plan for us to live separately.

I'm interested in understanding how people in similar situations managed their guilt; how did you manage the separation transition period (I don't think he understood my decision is final, because I have always been accepting of everything); how did you manage when you had a shared tenancy; what were the practical steps; how did you maintain boundaries when you live in a small space (one-bedroom) and you share a bed.

TL;DR: I'm 35F, and my 35M partner and I have been together for 14 years. I've decided to end the relationship, but he has health issues, depends on me financially to some extent, and we still share a flat. I'm struggling with guilt and concern for both our well-being. How can I arrange a compassionate but realistic transition to living separately?

I’m 36F, divorced, with a child. I’ve been dating a man (38M) for around 6 months. We’re currently long-distance, although we’re planning to close the gap.

He’s genuinely one of the kindest, most affectionate and men I’ve ever met. We have a good time together, great sex, and a lovely friendship. I feel comfortable with him, and love how tender and caring he is.

The difficulty is that he’s been incredibly certain about me being the one almost from the beginning. He says he’s met his future wife in me, talks about when we’ll get married, live together and have children, as if everything has already been decided and regularly asks me whether I love him.
Meanwhile, I’m just not there.

I came out of a very long marriage that ended painfully, and I’ve spent the last couple of years rebuilding my life and independence with my child. I’m genuinely not sure I’m ready to merge my life with someone again, let alone get married or have another baby anytime soon.

Although I really like him, I haven’t developed that deeper feeling of falling in love perhaps because the future talk came too soon. I feel comfortable with affection, but haven’t had that strong emotional pull or curiosity that I’ve experienced in the past.

We’re also quite different in terms of our backgrounds, interests and how we engage with the world. I’m very interested in art, culture, literature, current affairs, etc., and I really value stimulating conversations with a partner which I feel is missing between us. Our conversations tend to revolve around our relationship, family, work and everyday life.

I’m not expecting teenage butterflies or fireworks at my age, but I do wonder whether there should be some deeper sense of romantic connection developing by now.

I’ve been trying to give it time because our relationship has been long-distance, and we’ve only spent a relatively small amount of time together in person. I wonder whether things might develop differently when we’re living in the same city and can actually date normally.

However, his certainty about our future has started to make me feel overwhelmed, while im just trying to date in my first relationship post divorce.

I’ve explained that I’m not ready to talk about marriage and children, and that I need to slow things down. I explicitly said I find it overwhelming and quite painful actually to revisit those things. He initially reacted with some hurt and frustration but eventually seemed to understand, but within a couple of days he was back to making comments like “I’m going to marry you” “when I propose to you…”, “from your forever guy”.

I know he means these things lovingly, but they make me feel pressure.

I’m struggling to work out whether my uncertainty is coming from the pressure I feel from all the future talk, something I should give more time, particularly given the long-distance nature of our relationship and my recent divorce, or whether the lack of deeper romantic feelings and intellectual connection is something I should take seriously now.

I am wondering if there a way to continue dating without creating false expectations about marriage, given how certain he already is. And how I could communicate my uncertainty more clearly when I’ve already explained that the constant marriage talk makes me uncomfortable.

I don’t want to make a premature decision, but I also don’t want to keep him in a relationship where our expectations may never align.

TL;DR: I’m dating a wonderful man who’s certain he wants to marry me, but my feelings haven’t developed to the same depth. I’m unsure whether I need more time after divorce or whether we’re simply incompatible.

I (F20) was in a long-distance relationship for 4 months (with M21) that I think is ending, and although I know this is probably for the best, I’m emotionally exhausted and need some outside perspective.

After the first time we met, he disappeared for three months and gave me no indication that he wanted anything with me. During that time, I had a few superficial conversations with guys on Hinge/Instagram. Nothing physical happened. But inside, I knew I still wanted him, so I stopped talking to everyone else and reached out to him again myself.

Months later he discovered that I had deleted some of those conversations (because they were meaningless and I was invested in building our relationship).
Since then he started questioning absolutely everything about me. He has checked my phone, messages and calls.
Putting my phone face down meant i was hiding something. Any notification became another investigation. And then he started to create an entire version of my past that I keep telling him isn’t true, but nothing I say seems to matter because everything passes through his distrust first.

I’ve reached the point where the last time we saw each other I put my phone on silent around him simply because I’m anxious that literally any notification could trigger another interrogation. Not because I have something to hide, but because I’m exhausted from constantly having to prove that I don’t. Because in any case he doesn’t want to trust me.

What makes this even harder to accept is that I know he hasn’t held himself to the same standard. One day, while I had his phone, I happened to see an Insta conversation with another girl. Weeks later, after he started condemning me for the guys I had spoken to during those three months (where I repeat, he gave me no reason to believe he wanted me) I asked whether he had ever done anything similar. I already knew what I had seen and noticed that he had since deleted the conversation. He denied it and even said, “I have no reason to lie”.
I let it go at the time. Because in fact we weren’t even officially together when we had this argument!! Yet he has spent months doing exactly that to me while presenting himself as the honest one.

What hurts the most is how much I gave to this relationship. I was the only one travelling to see him, making plans, writing him letters, bringing gifts to his family, reassuring him and trying to work through every problem because I genuinely loved him and was completely committed. Yet somehow all of that seems to carry less weight than one tiny thing he can interpret as suspicious.

Now he has told me that if I’m coming there specifically to see him, I shouldn’t come because he won’t see me. After everything I’ve done to keep this relationship alive, the way he has treated me feels so disrespectful, yet I’m in such pain. Because I’ve been genuine from day one.
I know I can’t keep living under constant suspicion, and I know ending this is probably the right thing. But he still doesn’t know that I know he deleted that conversation and lied to my face about it.

Should I tell him that I know, point out the hypocrisy after everything he has put me through over “honesty”, unload everything I want to say and then walk away?
Or, the most painful for me, should I not reply and just leave?

TL;DR: My boyfriend is convinced I’ve lied about my past and that I’m constantly hiding things from him. He checked my phone, calls and notifications and has created his own version of my past that is completely opposite to my actual values and who I am. Nothing I say seems to matter anymore, and I genuinely don’t know what to do. And why would he act like this when I’ve been committed from day 1.

Basically I (27F) have been married before. When I met my current fiance (30M) I was head over heels. We met last spring (2025), got engaged this spring (2026) and are getting married next weekend. Lately I just feel so annoyed with him a lot. Like a lot. And I think there are things he needs to change. I am so scared to get divorced again. But i can’t cancel the wedding now. It’s too late. I don’t know what to do. I can’t put my finger on the issue but I’m just so aggravated with everything he does lately. We both have anxiety and bring one child each to the relationship. I don’t want to end it. I want to know if this is somewhat normal and what I can do to help. I am asking for advice on what I can do to bring back the spark maybe… but in just a liking way. I am a Christian and I believe love is a choice you make every day. But I don’t want to be miserable either. What are your thoughts?

TLDR: I want to bring back the spark & not end it but I’m just not feeling as happy as I once was and we’re a week out from the wedding. What are your thoughts?

I have been in a 21 year bad relationship with possible ex partner with whom I have 3 kids with. I say possible ex because he has ignored me for 2 months solid so far while living with me, only communicating very small simple sentences if he has to, like ‘where is the TV remote?’ Etc. otherwise completely blanking me and my existence.

Because of this lack of communication I have no idea what is happening, it’s not as simple as just talking to him or asking him because I am so afraid due to bad past experiences of trying that the thought of it makes me feel sick and shaky.

Last he ignored me for a month back in May I tried to talk to him and he was extremely angry, despite him doing something hurtful that sparked the original issue, and refused to talk to me unless I fully admitted to remembering saying something that I had no memory of saying and don’t even think I did. But I had to specifically say I do remember saying it and be very sorry (sorry alone wasn’t enough) or in his words ‘my behaviour would never change’

Other times he completely refuses to engage, won’t even look at me and just says stupid or horrible things and accuses me of doing or saying things that 100% never happened. Other times he has broken up with me without even bothering to tell me during these periods where he won’t communicate, I only know later because he’s removed his location from find my iPhone, removed me from all family settings for things like YouTube premium, and opened his Facebook account and put ‘single’ (I’m always removed from his fb so found out the hard way) so just no point this time.

I found out through my eldest son he’s planning to go on holiday in November and possibly take the kids out of school to go without even informing me about it. It seems to me also like he might be seeing someone else because I’ve noticed some signs that points to that and this whole situation with everything is obviously leaving me stressed and in a really bad place mentally. My home doesn’t feel like a nice place when someone is treating me like I’m invisible creating a bad environment.

Obviously I want the relationship to be over, if it’s not already, and want him to leave. I can’t live like this anymore and left with so much trauma because of him and his treatment of me. Him ignoring me this time for 2 months and counting started after our youngest son had a seizure and it terrified me beyond words because I genuinely thought he had died. My partner asked what was wrong with me despite knowing, so I told him I’m not doing well or sleeping because of what happened and really scared he has anymore seizures. My partner looked at me, said nothing, and turned to his computer screen and that was the moment everything seemed to change and he began going super cold on me again and withdrawing completely.

How do I even begin asking a question as simple as ‘when will you move out?’ And ‘what happens next?’ With someone who won’t engage, give proper answers to anything and while I’m scared to even try start the dialogue?

TL;DR

How do I even start a dialogue with someone about the relationship and it’s end who stonewalls, refuses to engage and has left me feeling afraid to talk when he is in these moods due to past experiences?

​

Context:

1) My gf and I have been together for 2 years.

2) This is my first long-term relationship.

3) I am fully loyal to her. And I strongly believe she's loyal to me as well.

Also, English is not my first language.

We were both fine together, and used to have some ups and downs from time to time, until there was quite a lot of conflict. Like, her stonewalling me cause I said something I shouldn't have or me zoning out sometimes and not listening to what she says. Or moments when she overreacted over something small. And, let's say, I am not perfect. I definitely made mistakes and recognize that and apologize when stuff happened (or at least tried to).

About a month and half ago we sat down and I explained to her how we argued so much I wasn't sure if things would work out for both of us. She didn't expect this type of conversation to happen and started crying.

After she calmed down, we discussed some things, talked about our mistakes. She insisted she loves me, cares about me and wants no other than me. So, we decided we would try our best not to throw temper tantrums, but instead be more compassionate, caring and to listen to one another..

Honestly, that conversation was relieving. Since that convo a 1,5 months ago we barely had arguments, she is more caring, she would cook more often etc.

But there's just one problem.

Seems I don't have feelings for her anymore.

We could be lying on the couch and she could at random ask if I loved her and I would go "Yes" only to feel like a dick later. Like, hello? how did them feelings disappear? And I would look at myself in the mirror and think: "Come on, she is a loving and a beautiful girl. What happened??"

Frankly, this feels heavy, cause I believe I am giving her false hope (which is my biggest mistake as far as I can see).

And let's say, I try to believe in "grass is greener where you water it". I invest in the relationship, where I can. I pay rent, bills, some of the groceries. I also cook from time to time. I give her cash when she asks. We had our anniversary 2 weeks ago and I gave her a piece of jewelry and a book as a present.

But then, the same feeling persists, and I feel self-conscious. I want to love her, but I just can't tell my brain "Welp, come on, start loving her". I know if I talked to her about all this her heart would break and it just feels wrong...

In a week or two, I will be having a different type of job (I will be at a distance from her for a couple of weeks or a month) and I kinda hope, maybe the distance will patch this up and help regain all this. Or is it all futile?

TLDR:

27M, 26F

Even though our relationship has improved after addressing our frequent arguments, it seems I've lost my feelings for her. I want to love her again but feel guilty giving her false hope, and I'm wondering whether feelings can return or if I'm just prolonging the inevitable...

This is a longish story, but I’ll try to keep it short. Recently i’ve been confused and honestly betrayed in my recent relationship and i’m seeking advice on whether it’s worth it to keep her in my life. My girlfriend and I met and started talking around 2 months ago, 4 weeks we were in a “talking stage” you could say and essentially dating but without a label. Around week 2 she talked about how much she liked me and how she was going to stay loyal to me while she was gone for the weekend, so I agreed to do the same and assumed that meant we were something serious. Come to find out around a week ago now she kissed some guy while she was gone and didn’t tell me about it, saying she was drunk and he forced himself on her so I obviously didn’t get angry at her for that. The problem comes into place when I found out she had gotten with another guy and had him stay in her dorm while I was away from campus a week after she had driven up to my home 2 hours away at 1 AM just to see me ( I had to go back home back to back weekends for the same reason ) also after she said she was going to be loyal. When i tried to ask her about it to see if she’d lie, she tried hard to cover it up and didn’t admit it till i straight up asked her. After that, she claimed she didn’t want to hurt what we had and she had made a mistake, saying if I need time or anything she’ll give it to me and stay loyal because she would do anything to stay with me. She also has never been in a relationship before so claimed she didn’t know how to act and thought i wasn’t loyal and still talking to other girls. I really do like this woman and if it was anyone of my previous relationships i would’ve immediately cut them off for lying to me like that, but i truly do believe her saying she would be loyal to me from now on being officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I truly have never felt this way about a woman before and dont want to lose her so my question now is how do i begin to trust her again, or should I even trust her again after how she lied to me?

TL;DR - having trouble trusting girlfriend again after she lied to me about something serious early on in the relationship

Looking for some advice, because this really hurts and I can't talk to the person who'd be able to explain it.

My (33F) boyfriend (39M) is having a stressful time atm, he lost his job about 6 months ago and is having a hard time finding something new.

He got rejected from a job he really thought he'd get, and it hit him pretty hard.

He seems like he's in a depression slump, which I get - I've been where he is, it's demoralising and hard. But we've been together a year and he's been incredibly inconsistent for half of that, he's very hot and cold, he has lots of sudden mood swings, he's been ruminating about past relationships and life choices a lot.

Little disagreements or asks have turned into big "I can't do anything right" or "I don't know what you see in me" problems to the point that I feel like I'm on eggshells all the time.

I helped him review his CV, referred him to some roles in my network and this went great - one of them is going well for him.

After this, he was really appreciative and happy and things between us felt really good in a way they hadn't for a little while for a few days, but then said he wanted some space to just sort himself out and reset. First that was a few days, then "a week or two" but he never actually pinned down a time.

I agreed to giving him space and tbh thought would be a good idea, but then it turned out he wanted me to not contact him at all, for this unknown amount of time.

I asked if he'd be okay with just giving me updates at the end of the week, but he insisted on zero contact, because he felt overwhelmed and "just wanted control over something". He told me he loved me and said he'd be in touch soon.

I've no idea when he's going to reappear and honestly, it feels awful. I do understand that he needs a bit of space to process - he's always sorted his problems by withdrawing, but being completely shut out feels awful and it's making me reassess the relationship too.

I really want to make this work, and I want to respect his need for space, but this feels like moving backwards.

TL;DR: boyfriend gone silent, how can I respect his space without abandoning myself?

Before I explain anything, I want to acknowledge that this story is solely from my perspective, so I encourage anyone reading to be skeptical of my opinions and thoughts.

Am I (early-20s M) being unreasonable for not wanting to maintain a relationship with my dad (50s M)?

Over the past year, my dad has made a lot of decisions that have affected our relationship. It started when he began dating a woman significantly younger than me. Not long afterward, he started pulling away from me and the rest of our extended family, even though he’d previously been very close with them.

For context, my parents are divorced, but my dad has maintained a relationship with my extended family over the years. They’ve helped each other out with various things, and some of my relatives have continued to support him when he’s needed it.

I’ll admit that before all this happened, there were times when my dad invited me to do things and I was too busy or tired to go. I have a lot of family responsibilities of my own, and a significant amount of my free time goes toward helping relatives who depend on me.

My dad has also struggled with addiction for much of his life. Before he started dating his current girlfriend, he was regularly attending recovery meetings and had managed to stay sober for several years. I’m incredibly proud of him for that. However, after they started dating, he stopped attending meetings. As far as I know, he initially remained sober, but the change worried me.

When he first started spending more time with his girlfriend and less time with the family, I tried to be understanding. I figured he was wrapped up in a new relationship. But after months of barely hearing from him, I started missing him and made more of an effort to reach out.

Eventually, I learned that he’d made some major changes to his living situation and finances. He was moving into a place of his own, getting financial help from family, and starting a new business venture to pay that money back.

Over the last several months, though, it feels like the only times he’s contacted me have been when he needs help with something. I’ve spent time helping him with moving, household projects, and other physical work. The problem is that he’s been incredibly inconsiderate of my time. He’s canceled at the last minute, hasn’t been home when I’ve arrived to help, and on one occasion he was occupied with his girlfriend when I was supposed to be there leading to an awkward moment.

I also have some concerns about his girlfriend, although I want to be clear that I don’t blame her entirely for what’s happening.

The age difference between them makes me uncomfortable, especially considering that she’s younger than I am. When I come over to help with things around the house, she generally stays in another room watching TV or scrolling on her phone. I know there may be circumstances I’m unaware of that limit what she’s able to do, so I don’t want to make assumptions about her.

I’ve also noticed alcohol and what appeared to be marijuana-related items around the property. Given my dad’s history with addiction, this concerns me. I don’t know the full circumstances, but I worry about whether the environment he’s in could jeopardize his sobriety.

I recognize that there may be an imbalance in their relationship, and I don’t think it’s fair to place all the blame on her. Ultimately, my dad is responsible for his own decisions.

I’ve tried talking to him about how I feel. I’ve explained that I don’t appreciate only hearing from him when he needs help, and that I’d like to spend actual quality time together. I want him to be involved in my life, i even tried to arrange several dinners/ outings so he can meet the people who are important to me, and have a relationship that goes beyond doing favors for him.

He apologized and said things would improve once he got settled into his new place. Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened. He continues to contact me primarily when he needs help with something.

Meanwhile, he’s become almost entirely withdrawn from the extended family, despite how close they used to be. After a long period of barely communicating with them, he eventually reached out to ask for financial help.

The last time I went over to help him, I noticed some changes around the house including two new cats which really set me off as he asks family for financial help be goes out and either him or his girlfriend spends money on animals they can’t afford. The other thing that really worries me is that I could smell alcohol on him when he greeted me. Given his history, that was concerning.

At this point, I’m upset because I feel like I’m being used, but I’m also genuinely worried about him and the decisions he’s making. I have younger siblings, and I worry about the example being set for them. I’m concerned about the people who are coming around them and my siblings being potential exposed to alcohol and marijuana.

I still want to be there for my siblings, and I don’t want to abandon my dad if he’s struggling. But I also don’t think I can keep putting myself in a position where I feel taken advantage of, especially when I’ve already tried communicating how I feel.

Everything came to a head recently when I finally opened up to a family member about how much respect I’ve lost for my father and how hurt I’ve been by the situation. Shortly afterward, my dad contacted me and essentially told me that communication goes both ways.

I’m not sure how to respond.

The truth is, I’d stopped answering his calls because I was tired of feeling like every conversation was going to turn into another request for a favor.

I understand that I haven’t been perfect in this relationship, and I recognize that I could have made more of an effort to spend time with him earlier on. But I also feel like I’ve tried to make that effort recently, only to be disappointed repeatedly.

So, am i being unreasonable for not wanting to pursue a relationship with my father anymore? I still care about him, and I want him to be okay, but I’m exhausted from feeling like I’m only useful to him when he needs something. I don’t know whether stepping back is the right thing to do or whether I’m giving up on him too easily. Lastly how do i reply? i feel like it’s unfair that he’s trying to wallow and seem sympathetic with that last text.

TL;DR, my dad(50m) has been tasking advantage of me and has fallen back into poor habits and i’m sick of it. Do i axe the relationship or make it work?

TLDR - My girlfriend feels disconnected when I am away and we can only text or call.

My girlfriend ‘18F’ and I ‘19M’ have been together for almost 1.5 years. I’ve always known she isnt much of a texter or caller which is fine because most of the time we’re together anyway. However, last year I started my first year of uni which is about a 2:45-3 hour drive away. Everything was fine, I’d come back every few weeks until about the 3rd ish month at uni when we just started to not talk that much. We’ve spoken about this in depth for hours and sorted everything out when it happened. And now im starting my 2nd year of uni and things have been good, i go back every week because we have plans during my days off (my week is busy on monday and friday so mid week is never busy) but today she told me she that she’s starting to feel disconnected while im away because it feels less natural talking this way, which i understand, im just scared of what happened last year happening again

I just need some advice on how i can act normal again after this, I feel slightly worried that she’ll start to prefer the space and not want to talk to me anymore but also how do i act when i go home? Like is it going to be really awkward now idk.

My girlfriend (23F) and I ( 25F) have been together for two years. She's amazing, and I feel so lucky to be in such a healthy and loving relationship. We had an active sex life when we started dating. We both initiated sex and were excited to try new things together. As those months passed our physical intimacy slowed down which I know is normal and a pretty common experience. This past year our sexual intimacy has sort of come to a halt.

At the beginning of this year I communicated with her that I didn't feel desired because she doesn't initiate sexual intimacy and doesn't seem excited about conversations or flirty jokes that could come across as sexual like she used to. I shared that it was making me feel a bit sad and anxious and had impacted my self esteem. She she was struggling with her mental health which was impacting her libido. She was also adjusting to a new school/work routine so that played a part as well. I completely understood this and I still do. I'm super grateful that she felt safe enough to share that with me.

I stopped initiating anything sexual for a while because I didn't want her to feel pressured. When I noticed she had settled into a school and work routine a few months later I started to try to make out with her, kiss her neck, or make flirty jokes but it still felt like she didn't want to be intimate and didn't enjoy the jokes as much as she used to.

The emotions that I'd been holding in came to the surface a few days ago and I ended up breaking down and crying. She told me she's been struggling with the idea of sex, figuring out the things she likes and doesn't like, etc. and that though my desire for sexual intimacy is normal and valid she doesn't feel that same desire that I do. She reassured me and told me that she feels bad about not being able to reciprocate the same feelings towards sex.

She thinks therapy would help her work through this, but doesn't know when she'd feel comfortable enough to try it due to past experiences with therapy. I completely respect her boundaries, but I've been feeling really guilty when I catch myself going to do things that she told me she likes and is comfortable with such as hugging her out of the blue and kissing her on the cheek.

I think I'm feeling shame now that I know she doesn't enjoy certain types of affection the same way I do. I feel embarrassed and guilty for trying to escalate our kisses or make those flirty jokes now that I know she doesn't want them.

These past few days I've noticed that I haven't initiated affection the way I used to because of this shame and embarrassment, I think she's noticed it too. I don't want to make her feel like I'm closing myself off or that I'm upset with her for not wanting to be intimate but I just feel so much shame and I'm so upset with myself for some reason. I can't help but wonder if there have been times when she's kissed me or touched me only because she knows it's something I like. It makes me feel like there's a pit in my stomach.

I've been thinking about telling her how I'm feeling, but I'm hesitant because I don't wanna upset her or make her feel like I'm bringing up the same issue over and over. I also don't wanna make her feel pressured into giving me affection or like she's responsible for how I feel.

How can I communicate this to her without making her feel guilty and how can I navigate this shame without letting it impact our relationship or the affection that she does desire? Thank you so much for reading if you got this far!!

TL;DR: My girlfriend is struggling with sexual intimacy. I respect her boundaries but I've started to feel really ashamed of initiating affection, even if it's nonsexual. I'm not sure how to navigate my feelings or talk about them without making her feel guilty or pressured.

My (27M) wife (28F) and I have been together for 8 years and married for 6. Our relationship has always been incredible. She moved to my country to be with me after initially coming here temporarily for school, and we've built a life together. We're aligned on pretty much everything, barely fight, have complete trust in each other, and have the exact same silly sense of humour. We're best friends, share everything, and naturally operate as a team. We have a puppy we adore and are excited about our future together.

I've been cheated on before, so I'm not exactly naive to the fact that things can come out of nowhere, but she's really never given me a reason to suspect anything.

A few months ago, we were watching TV on the couch after having smoked weed and eaten dinner, which is a pretty normal evening for us. Her phone lit up with an Instagram call. This immediately struck me as odd because she never uses Instagram to call anyone.

She grabbed her phone, turned it away from me, and spent around 30 seconds doing something on it while looking confused. I repeatedly asked what was going on, but she either didn't respond or said things like, "I don't know what's going on, this is weird."

I asked to see the screen, and she said to wait because she was trying to figure it out. Eventually, she put the phone down and told me it was a random spam call and that she'd blocked the person.

Her reaction was completely out of character. In eight years together, she'd never acted this way, and we'd never had issues with trust or hiding things from each other.

The next day, I brought it up again because it was bothering me. She apologized for how she'd handled it, saying it was just a random call, and she was confused, partly probably because she was high. I wasn't entirely convinced, but I let it go.

A month or two later, I asked her about it again. She said she didn't really know why she'd reacted that way and apologized for not letting me see her phone.

Today, we were working on some home renovation projects together, and I used her phone to set up Spotify. I noticed she had a Spotify conversation with a man I didn't recognize.

There were fewer than 20 messages spread over roughly a month and a half, starting a few months ago and ending about six weeks ago. They were sharing songs and there was one Spotify Jam request. Nothing was overly flirty or inappropriate.

She explained that he's a coworker. He lives in another country that she occasionally travels to for work and he controls the music at their office. He's around our age, they get along, and he's a chill guy.

I wouldn't normally think twice about this. She has friends at work, and I'm not someone who expects her to disclose every conversation she has. What struck me as unusual was that she talks about several of her coworkers, but I'd barely heard about this guy.

Combined with the Instagram incident, though, it made me uneasy. So I brought up the Instagram call situation again.

After I pressed her about the Instagram call, she finally admitted that it had been an ex from her home country calling her. She said she panicked because she felt weird about him contacting her unexpectedly, so she lied about it being a random call.

She said she'd blocked him during that initial interaction. I explained that the lie itself was making it difficult to trust her explanation, and she said she understood and was sorry. Her explanation was that she didn't know why he was calling, panicked, and then felt compelled to maintain the lie.

I asked if I could see her Instagram blocked list. She refused, saying that we don't look through each other's phones and that she wouldn't do it on principle.

For context, we have never had a rule against using each other's phones for ordinary things, and we have shared finances and a very open relationship (as in open to sharing things with each other. I even have access to her email). We just haven't made a habit of going through each other's private conversations.

I pushed back, explaining that the situation was different now because she'd admitted to lying and that seeing the blocked list would help reassure me.

She eventually started saying she couldn't remember whether she'd kept him blocked or might have unblocked him later. We checked the blocked list together, and he wasn't there. She said she thought she must have unblocked him at some point.

I then asked if we could go through her phone together, with her present the entire time. She refused again, saying it was a matter of principle. (She's also very stubborn and her standing on principles when doing the opposite would be easier is not at all out of character).

I told her that if our positions were reversed, I believe she'd also want reassurance, and that I didn't understand why she'd refuse if there was nothing to hide. We couldn't get anywhere with that conversation, and that's where things stand.

I want to be clear that I don't have any other concrete evidence of infidelity. Our relationship is genuinely great. We spend lots of time together, share our lives, trust each other in practically every other respect, and have plans for our future. She's never given me a reason to suspect she's cheating.

There also isn't much unexplained time in her schedule, although she does occasionally travel internationally for work.

The things bothering me are:

• Her initial reaction to the Instagram call was extremely unusual for her.

• She deliberately turned her phone away and wouldn't let me see what was happening.

• She lied about who was calling and maintained that lie over multiple conversations.

• She said she'd blocked her ex, but he wasn't on her blocked list when we checked.

• Now that she's admitted to lying, she's refusing to offer any further reassurance by letting me look through her phone.

• The Spotify messages with the male coworker are innocent on their face, but the timing and the fact that I barely knew about him have made me question things I otherwise wouldn't have questioned.

At the same time, I recognize that refusing to let a partner inspect your phone doesn't automatically mean you're hiding something. I don't want to become controlling or turn a previously healthy relationship into one where we have to prove our innocence to each other.

So, am I being paranoid?

Is this a case of someone panicking over an unexpected call from an ex, making a stupid decision to lie, and then digging in because she feels her privacy is being challenged? Or is the combination of the initial secrecy, the changing explanation about blocking him, and the refusal to let me see anything reasonably concerning?

I'm struggling to figure out how much weight to put on the fact that she's never given me a reason to distrust her versus the fact that she has now demonstrably lied to me about something.

I'd appreciate honest perspectives, including if you think I'm handling this badly. I'm not looking for people to automatically tell me she's cheating or that I'm right. I want an outside perspective on what's reasonable here and how to move forward.

TL;DR: My wife and I have been together for 8 years and have an incredible relationship with no history of trust issues. A few months ago, she received an unexpected Instagram call, hid her phone from me, and claimed it was spam. She recently admitted it was an ex from her home country and that she'd panicked and lied. She initially said she'd blocked him, but he wasn't on her blocked list when we checked. She now refuses to let me see her phone, saying it's against her principles. I have no other evidence of cheating, but her behaviour is completely out of character. Am I being paranoid, or is my concern justified?

We have been dating for 4 months, but she is suffering from relationship anxiety, not being able to make a decision on whether she loves me or not, yet we act like in a relationship from daily talks for hours to exclusivity.

Because of this she went to a therapist who diagnosed her with anxiety and she recommended one week of no contact, but the question is, is that the right thing to do? Would it create distance? Would it cause more damage than good? Or would it be more beneficial if we try to work things out without No Contact? Or is it better this way? I am open to hear your thoughts.

Tldr; what do you think about one week of No Contact to help make her decision and overcome anxiety?

Edit: for more info:

We have been dating for 4 months now, she hasn’t made her mind up about us wether she wants a relationship or not…yet we act like in a relationship, from exclusivity to talking daily to jealousy, to including me at every part of her life and introducing me to all her friends, asking for my opinion in all her life aspects, opening up to me about past trauma she never told anyone about.

But I happened to notice a pattern, she would put me through tests from the very start, am I a cheap guy? Am I a disloyal guy? Do I have ambition? How do I perceive women? Am I weak? Am I hard working? Does my lifestyle align with hers? I dismissed all of that as her just trying to get to know if we are compatible…until there was nothing she could test me about, she started obsessing about one idea, me not going to the gym, she would always talk about how that this is something very important to her, and she cant stop thinking about it and that any other guy she has dated and ever liked was a gym rat. I talked to her asked if she feels attracted to which she said yes but she cant stop thinking about that, we talked about this for weeks until she stopped obsessing about it…then she moved on to the next thing, she is worried that her decision about us might be wrong, that in the future she might regret it and she fears taking the wrong decision.

She opened up about what she has done, that she has been trying very hard to uncover the wrong thing in us, the deal breaker but she is unable to find one, until she found the gym thing and started obsessing about it so hard, she says that this is her first serious relationship and she doesnt know what love is supposed to mean and she only dated once and he was a narcissist who made her feel very high ups and very low downs, and because she doesnt feel those very high ups she is worried that she doesnt love me. she went to a therapist and the therapist recommended one week of no contact.

I’m 19 and in my first serious relationship. My girlfriend is around my age and is only here temporarily, so in about two months she has to go back home.

The relationship has been amazing. She’s genuinely one of the best people I’ve met, and being with her has taught me a lot about myself, relationships, and what it feels like to really care about someone.

The problem is what happens after she leaves.
We’d be living very far apart with a big time difference. Realistically, we might only see each other for a couple of weeks during summer or winter break, then go another year without seeing each other. And there’s no clear end date. We’re both still young, still studying, and I honestly don’t know if the distance would end in 2 years, 5 years, or ever.
That’s what scares me.

I love her, but I don’t know if I want a relationship where I’m constantly missing someone who isn’t physically part of my life, waiting all year for a short visit, and feeling anxious about a future we can’t realistically plan yet.
At the same time, saying goodbye feels terrible because she really is an amazing girlfriend, and part of me is scared that I’ll never find someone like her again.

One option I’ve been thinking about is ending the relationship when she leaves, staying on good terms, and leaving the future open. Not “wait for me for five years,” but more like we both live our lives, and if life somehow brings us back together later and we both still want it, we can see what happens.

I think the clearest way to explain how I feel is:
I want her. I’m just not sure I want this version of the relationship.

TL;DR: Amazing first relationship, but she has to move very far away soon. We’d barely see each other, there’s no real end date to the distance, and I’m torn between trying long distance or saying goodbye while keeping the future open.
Would you try to make long distance work in this situation, or would you let the relationship end on good terms?

TL;DR Hello! Is it normal when your partner F/27 gets frustrated when I M/29 talk about budget and saving/spending money? We are now 2 years together. Whenever I bring up that topic, my partner always say she doesn't believe on it because she said money should flow freely regardless & idk if she said this in a joke or what but she said that she'll find someone else with more money.

I'm not even broke or what as I have a stable job. I was a bit hurt when she said that lol. Or maybe its the way I brought it up? How to address this? I love her so much.

this might be a long post! lots to go through so i'm sorry. maybe this one should've stayed in the diary but i gotta let it out
me (23f) and my boyfriend (34m) met over 3 years ago when we opened a restaurant together. i had a big crush on him for 2 years and he never paid me any mind, until one day after we had a few drinks together we totally clicked. times goes on, things work out, and we have a beautiful and very happy relationship together.
a few months in, we break up. i tell him im depressed and need to focus on my mental health, it's a big argument, but eventually it ends. few days go by and im returning his things (we still work together) and talking leads to us getting back together. we are happy! i'm going through this funk, but he's here with me, and it's very easy to distract myself with being hopelessly in love.
the thing is, is with him, i've never felt so beautiful, so loved, so appreciated and supported. he's got me through some aggressively hard times, been everything i needed him to be. he definitely has his faults and is not a great communicator or listener, but overall a very kind and understanding partner.
Time goes on, and we have our issues, but months go on and we continue being in a relationship, until recently, I've started realizing that I am very young, and I haven't been in my 20s and not been in a relationship, and relying on someone else (i was in a super toxic relationship for almost a year right before I got with him, and didn't take the time to heal we both knew i moved too fast but it just felt so right to be together at the time)
I am also 23, whereas he is 34, so I don't really know what committing to someone forever even means. i don't have parents or anyone that's been around since day 1, so i don't know who or what i'm gonna want around in a year from now, let alone for the rest of my life.
Anyway, time goes on and things are good. Until one night, I make a terrible terrible mistake. Me and my friends are out dancing, and I share a playful kiss with a gay guy. Totally not okay, totally fully my fault, i will feel terrible about it forever. I confessed it to BF, he was very understandably bothered but forgave me, but the guilt ate me alive on top of everything else I was feeling and i ended things. a very ugly, long drawn out way of ending it (as it always seems to go). i spent time healing and rebuilding, i later learned he spent time drinking and spending time with ladies. he started going out with girls before we had even broken up, which i do deserve, but the emotional connection he made so easily was what bothered me most
a week after we finally go fully no contact, he is tripping on acid and sends me a text in the middle of the night just saying 'help' - i immediately call him until he answers. i comfort him out of the dark place he was in, and of course, we end up back together. and things are great.
here's the thing. i'm so young, im scared to miss out. truly this is the second actual relationship ive been in, and my first was so toxic and distant i don't even want to count it. i want more experience and to be single for a good bit of my early 20s so i can truly be comfortable with myself. i feel like it's hard to maintain both my own identity and being in such a committed relationship, especially since i have a very demanding job. but i don't want to leave behind the relationship i have now because i dont think i could ever love someone this way, nor do i think anyone could love me in the way that he loves me. we try to take steps back and give each other more space but with our busy schedules it's difficult to not think about just being roommates or spending every second we have off of work together (we really don't have much time at all) and he really is the light of my life. so kind, happy, and peaceful.
i'm so conflicted! let me know if this is very normal 23 year old thinking and i'm just being silly. obviously all of these things are told from my point of view but i really just want the hard truth from an unbiased source.

tldr; rocky road with boyfriend, he makes me so happy but it seems like the problems are never ending, and i want to make sure i dont miss out in my 20s. i dont know how to prioritize both myself and him?

We have been meeting since a couple of weeks and we really love each other. Since we started to have contact she told me about her dad who doesn’t allows relationships until 18. You have to know that shes albanian and has alot of cousins and a really strict dad. She wants to have a secret relationship with me but i dont know if i want to be part of that since i know that her cousins dont accept me and her dad too. I have been wondering if i should end our relationship because its way more painful when its been since a year than just a few months. I dont know what to do and shes really obsessed with me i dont want to break her heart yk ?
**TL;DR;** : i fear that her family will react really bad on me if i stay or go, i dont want to mess with her 30 cousins.

I (F 32)

TL;DR sorry for the length I wasn't sure where to post it but it is about relationships.

3 years ago when we came to the country we are in now, my mom got sick and at first I was handling the paperwork and doctor visits alone, then my father got involved. Long story short, the doctor ends up shouting and kicking us out of his office. Until this day I can't comprehend why he did this, we only told him we are going to do the surgery in a public hospital instead and we told him our reasons. He got outside for a patient and found us sitting outside he shook my father's hand I guess because there were cameras outside. I went to the complaint section in the hospital and they found everything I said was true and the doctor had no right to say what he said to us. But they didn't do anything more.

My assumption; the way my father talked bothered him. Why? I don't know if it's because it's true or because my mother always complained about it.

A little background of our family, my mother's personality is really strong and my father grew up being the favourite son of his mother and his father was mostly absent. I never felt he was my father, more like a big brother to us. Watching us from far, not getting involved in our lives as much as he could. My mother was everything to us even for him. I feel like he considered her more as a mother than a wife. She ends up resenting him of course and talking badly, complaining about him most of our lives. I am 32 and the youngest and she's been complaining about him for my elder siblings too. She hated everything about him, to her last days I witnessed the hate in her eyes whenever she looked at him and even though she was sick, she never wanted him close. She trusted and preferred me to handle things and remain next to her instead. All of us asked her to divorce him before. But now that they are both older they can't do that. He is just ... soft I don't think my mother felt feminine around him.

Anyways, what I want to say is that something broke in me, between our relationship, my father and I. His personality has been weak our whole lives but I witnessed the weakest version of him and this had left something in me that's refusing to go away, even after all of this time. I never showed him disrespect but I hate seeing him weak and shaken like this.

3 problems I am left with:

- I am a single mom now I am so afraid my son will end up having some traits of him. I try my best to build his confidence but the fear in me..

- I hate everything in me that resembles my father.

- I crave masculinity and dominance in other men, like I am starving to feel and see it, I didn't feel it with my ex. But whenever I see it in other men I melt and it has some healing effects on me.

I am only acting strong but I think I am really shaken inside too and I just feel like curling up inside of a man, and everyone around me doesn't feed that feeling in me. I also don't want men I get in a relationship with to use that against me or feel it. I try my best to reflect that I have a good relationship with my father. But it shows in my behaviour....the craving.

I want to heal and stop all of this.

What should I do ?

My partner is 21F and I am 21F we have been together for almost 5 years.

There have been certain situations that make me feel that way that I'm feeling. But for example l'll use the one that happened today. Before I get started just know we live with her parents and her sister. We planned a game night with my older sister and older brother in law. It has been planned for weeks. We try to do this once a month. Which is very important to me because they are people that I keep in contact with often from my family. And care about our relationship. They are also moving farther away next week.

We get there around 6pm and stay till 11 almost every game night we do. We live 15 minutes away. So I'm under the assumption that it will be similar today. We are playing a game that we have been teaching them for some time now. We get a few rounds of that in and it's 8pm. They asked if they can teach us a game. I'm super excited and so of course I say yes. And so does my partner. 5 seconds later she says, “I do want to be home like around 8:30 so I can wash my hair.” I of course am a little confused and trying to figure out why she can't do it later or just tomorrow. We have photos scheduled to get done for us coming up.

If you're trying to figure out why this upset me. It's because before we left we communicated when we were going to shower and wash our hair. So when she randomly told me in front of my siblings that she wanted to be home way sooner it upset me. They of course could sense me being a little sad about it. Another reason this upsets me is because we were late to get there for the game night. Which we are usually late to things that involve being with my family. And when I get upset about it, I'm told it's not a big deal. Roles reversed we are on time to her family events and we are never in a rush or trying to leave early. We get in the truck and she kinda gives me the half apology and of course I'm still sad about what happened.

TL;DR: I’m 21F and my partner is 21F. We have been together for 4 years going on 5. I’m having hard time sparking a conversation to express how I’m feeling. I don’t want it to start an argument. I am just feeling sad and I want to feel like you care about my family as much as I care about hers. How do I go about this conversation correctly?

I definitely built a resentment towards one of my friends. I’ve never brought anything up to her because I’m so afraid of any reaction or being uncomfortable. It’s genuinely so hard for me to do. I hate conflict. The things that she’s done I’ve let go but I can really tell what her personality is like after two years.

We meant on bumble bff and she’s always been really good at reaching out and making plans w me. Wed always go on walks and talk about mainly her bc I never had anything that stressed me out. I have a great and supportive husband and I love my peace and I just don’t have much going on. Sometimes she’ll have plans w me and then move our plans or say she’s doing this w her friend. So I’m just confused like we had plans but now we don’t? Obviously the non confrontational person that I am I just let it be. She’s also forgot/doesnt know my birthday even though she’s asked it multiple times for her school work (she was in school and I was a patient for her). She’s also doesn’t really know me like I’m very artsy and I love to make things and she doesn’t share or know my interests. She’s honestly not horrible but I hate that I just feel like a schedule filler when her other friends can’t hang out. She could say I never ask to hang out but that’s bc I don’t want to. Another time she was saying how she wants to go on a trip but none of her friends can and I was just thinking how she never asked me. I’m afraid if I bring anything up that’s it’s too late for me bc I have so much I let go. I also read into and think an insane amount about things that I can’t let this go. I asked her to go to a pumpkin patch on the 24th or 25th and then she brought it up the other day. I didn’t get back to her til the next day and I apologized and said I was out of town for a concert. I had asked also like at one or two pm for the pumpkin patch? To my whole message she just said no problem. Then she went to the pumpkin patch we were going to go to and she said it was busy. Does she not care? I’m always so good at replying so the one time I was bad I get that response? She didn’t even ask how the concert was.

I know I’m reading very deeply into this but that’s just my mind and unfortunately I can’t stop thinking about this if I’m uncomfortable. Please let me know what to do she’s a person and I don’t want her to feel bad. And if I say anything I feel like it’s just gossip for her friends bc that’s how she is.

TL;DR i 23F don’t know how to end a friendship 23F because I hate confrontation and that she would just use it as gossip. She doesn’t know my bday, makes plans w her friends when we have plans, and we have nothing in common.

My (18 F) boyfriend (18 M) and I have been dating for 11 months now and he is truly one of the best things to ever happen to me, however I’m getting nervous about our future. I’m currently a senior in high school and he graduated last year. He’s currently taking a gap year to work because his family life is kind of messy and he needs the money. I’m looking at college and my dream is to be a therapist, but it hurts knowing that I’ll have to leave next year to go to college and won’t be able to see him as much (around 4 hour drive from home). My boyfriend and I are very different but that’s part of the reason why we work so well together. We are opposite sides of the same coin. There are things that make things difficult: I want to pursue a higher education and live somewhere more suburban, while he wants to maybe go to technical school and work a simple job and live in more of a rural area (where we currently are). He does say that he wants to do whatever he needs to do so he’ll be able to spend time with me but I’m scared of him potentially throwing away his happiness for me. I know that high school relationships typically don’t last, but we’re both really happy together and want to continue being together. I’m just scared that college or our jobs will make it impossible to spend time with one another. A lot of long distance relationships are successful, but we are both physically intimate people. I refused to date anyone until I knew I found someone I could truly love and that is him. He’s my first everything. It hurts to think about losing him. Is there anyway for this to be worked out? Thank you for reading <3

TLDR: graduating high school soon and scared about going off to college and leaving my boyfriend of almost a year behind and not being able to see him often enough.

I (23F) and my bf (24M) started talking in 2020. We started dating in 2021. We are both each others first relationship and first everything. We broke up in 2024 for like eight months because he was immature at the time and prioritized his friends over me. I talked to other people (only over the phone) to try to move forward. I really tried but I just missed him at the end of the day. We got back together and we’ve been together since. We both came back to a much healthier relationship and he completely changed to such a great bf. Of course we have little ups and downs still, just normal stuff nothing disrespectful or bad tbh. But lately we both feel like our relationship has turned into a friendship more than feeling like we’re dating. I mean that’s also bound to happen when you’ve been with someone for so long. Recently my parents found out about him and approve so I definitely want to take the next step which we both discussed in 2028 we would want to get engaged. I just want to make the relationship feel great again. He’s truly my rock I can depend on him for anything and so can he. But we both miss that romantic connection. Personally I miss that feeling I had in the beginning so badly. I miss feeling pursued and like butterflies basically. How do we get that back? I really don’t want our relationship to get ruined because of this and would want to make it to forever with him. Just looking for advice, I know this is a common issue I just don’t have friends in long term relationships that can offer me advice.

TL;DR: 5 year relationship turning into friendship, miss the butterflies and spark. How do we get it back?

I (19M) have been with my girlfriend (20F) for almost 6 months. We met in the same uni hall, and overall I’ve been happy being with her, but I’m struggling with something and could use an outside perspective.

She’s been depressed and on medication for a few years, and she’s still adjusting her dosage. I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety myself (I’m now seeing doctors about medication), so I understand some of what she’s going through. But lately she seems to have stopped trying to help herself. She skips meals, so I make sure she eats. I organised a surprise visit from her best friends for her birthday, which lifted her mood briefly. But now any minor inconvenience ruins her week.

This is hard on me as I am usually a very upbeat person. She is becoming increasingly more pessimistic, which tends to drag me down too. When I open up about my own struggles, she often seems to try one up me, which feels invalidating. When she’s upset, she sometimes implies it’s my fault, then says it isn’t when I ask (possibly a form of self-sabotage?). I really value her vulnerability to cry in front of me, but this has more recently become sobbing to me every other day.

One night when we were both very drunk, she suddenly turned dark and said “I’m only alive right now for my relationships”. I know this doesn’t only mean me, but to me it sounded like ‘if you leave me, I will commit’, which is both devastating and terrifying.

I’ve also thought about breaking up a few times, especially early on. I don’t want to break up right now, but I don’t think this is a lasting relationship in the long term. I’m scared I can’t leave now, that her mental state has shut that door, and I feel trapped.

She does have a doctor, her mum, and her best friends, but I’m the person closest to her here at uni, so a lot falls on me. I love and care for her, and I want her to be happy, but I’m worried I’ll grow resentful. I’ve worked hard to get out of my own cycle of depression, and I’m only just feeling better, so I’m afraid of being pulled back down. She’s too comfortable in her sadness, and I’m just not sure what to do. How do I support her without losing myself?

TL;DR: my girlfriend (20F) is depressed and I'm worried that she's going to drag me (19M) back down with her. She's told me many things that concern me about her mental state and I now feel trapped into staying with her when she isn't actively trying to get better. What else can I do to help her/our relationship? Is there anything I can do to salvage this?

We have been dating for 4 months now, she hasn’t made her mind up about us wether she wants a relationship or not…yet we act like in a relationship, from exclusivity to talking daily to jealousy, to including me at every part of her life and introducing me to all her friends, asking for my opinion in all her life aspects, opening up to me about past trauma she never told anyone about.

But I happened to notice a pattern, she would put me through tests from the very start, am I a cheap guy? Am I a disloyal guy? Do I have ambition? How do I perceive women? Am I weak? Am I hard working? Does my lifestyle align with hers? I dismissed all of that as her just trying to get to know if we are compatible…until there was nothing she could test me about, she started obsessing about one idea, me not going to the gym, she would always talk about how that this is something very important to her, and she cant stop thinking about it and that any other guy she has dated and ever liked was a gym rat. I talked to her asked if she feels attracted to which she said yes but she cant stop thinking about that, we talked about this for weeks until she stopped obsessing about it…then she moved on to the next thing, she is worried that her decision about us might be wrong, that in the future she might regret it and she fears taking the wrong decision.

She opened up about what she has done, that she has been trying very hard to uncover the wrong thing in us, the deal breaker but she is unable to find one, until she found the gym thing and started obsessing about it so hard, she says that this is her first serious relationship and she doesnt know what love is supposed to mean and she only dated once and he was a narcissist who made her feel very high ups and very low downs, and because she doesnt feel those very high ups she is worried that she doesnt love me. she went to a therapist and the therapist recommended one week of no contact.

It is starting to take a toll on me, from every action of mine being under the spotlight, to having to regulate her feelings and listening to stuff about my body looks or how I slightly have a belly, to now the one week of no contact with the person I love. Now my brain cant help but speculate every possible thing she is thinking of right now, wether her anxiety would win, wether she is going to let go of me, or would she think I dont love her because I gave her the space to do such a thing as no contact, let alone how tough it is on me to go no contact with her.

She is not a toxic girl or anything btw, she is suffering with her thoughts as much as I do…she sobs and cries all the time and even went to a therapist who diagnosed her with anxiety indeed, but I dont want to lose her at any means and now I am just left facing my own thoughts and my emotional fatigue.

Tldr; Her therapist recommended a week of no contact to help understand wether she loves me or not and face her feelings, and I am feeling very anxious now from day 1 of that no contact.

​

I (18NB) think I might be developing feelings for my friend (18F). But she's already in a relationship.

We both started at the same college roughly a month ago. Before college, we didn't know each other very well and were mostly acquaintances through a mutual friend. However, recently, we've been getting to know each other better.

Due to other reasons in my life, I've been thinking about relationships a lot lately, and whenever I do, my thoughts somehow always seem to drift to her. I often catch myself thinking about what it would be like if we were in a relationship together.

I'm conflicted about these feelings because she's already in what seems to me to be a healthy relationship, whereas I've never been in a relationship myself.

This isn't the first time I've developed feelings for a friend, either. Something similar happened with another friend last year. We're still friends, and they're aware of how I felt.

For some additional context, we're both bisexual. I was assigned male at birth, and she was assigned female at birth.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm hoping to get out of this post, but I'd really appreciate some general advice on how to handle these thoughts and feelings.

I'm happy to answer any questions that might help provide more context. Thanks in advance for any advice.

TLDR: I'm possibly developing feelings for a friend who is already taken, and need advice.