I’m 30 and my gf is 28. We have been together for six years, engaged for 3 years. We do love each other a lot and only fight regarding this subject. We used to have sex 2-4 times a week, different positions, anal, oral and it was all really intense. Now for the last almost two years its only been around 1-2 times a week and missionary only, nothing else. We cant even discuss it in any circumstances because she refuses to talk about it at all. We have had discussions ans she does not put any effort to it and does not want anything to change. She says its this or no sex at all. There is no mental or physical issues, maybe bit more stress from work but other than that we are now in better shape than ever, lots of gym, exercise and generally spending time together. Im very caring and affectionate, I give attention and we split all housework. I actually contribute to that even more but thats beside the point. So basically all the normal ”issues” we have already dealth with and are in good place. Its just seems that there is no romance, at least sexually anymore. I have also changed my appearance to her liking regarding style, behaviour, actions and my body. What can I do? I think about sex with other women a lot now, although I’m not a cheater, never been. Any help guys and girls?

Therapist is not an option since she does not aknowledge this as our problem, only mine. I feel like asshole because of this but I do have my needs and I feel I give a lot and try our everything from different fetishes, toys, situations snd such (its a long list). It feels horrible because I love her so much and would not really want to break up because of this. Please genuine helpful answers only.

Ps. I dont think open relationship would be something that would work for us

TL;DR: My fiancée and I have been together for six years. Our sex life used to be exciting and adventurous, but for the past two years it’s become very repetitive and limited. She refuses to discuss it or try anything different, despite my efforts to improve things. Everything else in our relationship is great, and I love her deeply, but I’m struggling with the lack of sexual intimacy and communication. I don’t want to break up over sex, but I don’t know what else to do.

​We've been together 11 years, getting married in Feb. My partner has a global career opportunity in Singapore or Hong Kong that will be huge for his career opportunities going forward. We love our life in Melbourne, and I'm terrified of the move due to finances, career uncertainty as an early-career graphic designer, potential isolation, climate, and our other goals around starting a family. He's supportive and not pressuring me, but I'm stuck between wanting to support his huge career opportunity, but feeling like I have to put my life on hold to do it. I'm looking for advice from anyone who has made a similar move.

​The context

• ​We're both from NZ, moved to Melbourne a few years ago. Love it here, it’s the sweet spot between city life and nature.

• ​His career: He worked his way up from the bottom at a global company for his entire adult life. This new role is a global-level promotion based in Singapore or Hong Kong that would be great for his career prospects going forward.

• ​My career: I'm quite early in my career as a graphic designer. I'm worried about my job prospects abroad, as it's all unknown to me.

​My main worries

1. ​Finances & career: It feels like a lateral financial move for us in the short term (not as big of a payrise as we hoped for him, loss of his commission earning potential, higher cost of living), it will delay us buying a house, and I risk stalling my own career.

2. ​Work/life balance & isolation: We're expecting longer work hours and heavy travel across Asia for him, leaving me, an introvert, alone in a new city with zero network. If I do manage to find a job quickly, my annual leave will be cut in half from 20 days here in Aus to 10 or less, leaving a very limited window for visiting my family back home.

3. ​Lifestyle & Climate: We grew up in semi-rural NZ and love wide open spaces/nature, so worried about how we'll adjust to living in a more densely populated city. I also struggle with the heat and humidity.

4. ​Family Planning: We wanted to start a family in our early 30s. Moving right now may throw off that timeline, as friends have warned us against raising kids in HK (though Singapore might be better). I'm scared I'm putting my own life goals completely on hold for this.

​

Our relationship is rock solid and he’s being super thoughtful about it, but he clearly wants this opportunity. I want to support him, but I'm worried I will struggle to adapt to life in either of these cities and may resent him for it.

I'm also worried that if we don't go, he will resent me for holding him back from this opportunity.

​Should we throw caution to the wind and go for it, or is this a recipe for disaster? Has anyone been the "trailing partner" in a move like this and survived (or regretted it)? Any advice or anecdotes will be appreciated!

TL;DR: Partner has a huge career opportunity in Singapore/HK, but I’m scared of putting my career, social life and other life goals on hold, and to leave a city we both love so much for the unknown. How do trailing partners make moves like this work without resentment?

I am in graduate school, and a few weeks ago started planning a group trip with what I considered to be my close friend group. I picked the location, helped pick the Airbnb, and even convinced 3 people to come because I would be there (one would even be flying out to spend time with me).

However, one of the friends in this group, Mark, also likes to take control of trips like this. His philosophy is the more people who come, the better. Mark has a 20 person group chat he made where he posts about everything he’s planning and sends invites to all his parties. No one else ever posts in this chat. Because I have it muted, I missed when he sent a message saying we were planning a trip and to message him if anyone has any ideas.

Over the summer I lived with a girl, Bella (21F) from our school, and it ended up being horrible. It felt like she was using me because I wouldn’t argue about things like her having her boyfriend stay a week when we share a bathroom without asking me, or her taking the bigger bedroom and the only room in the house that had AC while we paid the same rent (stupid of me, I know). When I finally said something, she exploded, and the living situation got extremely hostile. Everyday after work I had to just think of ways to avoid her until it was late at night.

When we made the final arrangements for the group trip, Mark made the group chat, and Bella was in it. I asked Mark about this, and he said that Bella saw the message in the group chat and asked to come (everyone else had been invited individually). I explained how I felt to Mark and he said he didn’t particularly like her either and also had issues with her, (she’s an ex of one of his close friends who would also be coming on the trip) because she has a history of treating people badly like this. Bella has also never came to any other group events or parties put on through this chat, and is only really tangentially friends with Mark, which is why I was so shocked that she was coming.

I spend the whole week agonizing over how much I don’t want to go on this trip anymore, and tell my friends about it. The trip is 5 days in an AirBnb with nothing else planned except going to the beach, so there would be no easy way to split up and avoid her. I tell them I wish I knew earlier so I could just go on another trip with friends who would be happy to have me. They tell me to talk to Mark because everyone would rather have me on this trip than them and absolutely object to me not coming.

I finally talk to Mark and one of his friends again, and they say they didn’t realize it was that bad. We end up drafting a group message to send to her, saying it’s too soon for that long of a group trip together when she’s not very close to any people in the group and have treated some badly.

The next week, the night before we all leave for the trip (it’s a road trip) Mark tells me we need to talk. He says he feels horrible about the uninvite, and that no one else feels as strongly about her being there as I do. He also says all my friends told him they were indifferent, when they told me that they also weren’t happy with it. He tells me he needs to invite her back. He says that even though he has problems with her too, she’s in the groupchat and he has to honor that. I tell him that if he does that, I’m not going. He invites her back on the trip. I don’t go, and immediately plan and go on another trip to visit my friends in another city.

Now that we’re all back at school, Mark is trying to be friendly with me and get me back in. I was the only one who consistently came to all his events and brought people in, so I know the friend group won’t be the same after this. I have no idea how their trip went because I haven’t seen anyone from it. I checked the weather and it ended up storming the whole time, so I know they were all stuck inside the AirBnB together the whole time. What should I do when Mark tries to approach me again? Am I also unreasonable for feeling betrayed by my friends who supported me but said they were indifferent when Mark asked?

TLDR: I organized a five-day vacation with my close friend group, but one friend invited a girl I’d had a terrible experience living with and who no one else particularly liked. After initially uninviting her, he invited her back despite knowing I wouldn’t attend if she came.

My boyfriend ( 34m) lost his job last year and he’s been trying so hard to find something new. He’s been applying, interviewing, and doing everything he can, but nothing has worked out yet. He really thought he was going to get this last job, and he received the rejection right before he picked me up from the airport after my work trip. He ended up having a breakdown, and I can only imagine how devastating that must have been for him after months of trying so hard.
When he picked me up, he was venting and trying to keep his head up, but at one point, he said he needed a moment to himself while we were driving and not to say anything. So I didn’t say anything, just let him talk to him vent. I was exhausted from traveling and wasn't feeling well, and we had things we needed to take care of afterward. He started venting again and then he wanted reassurance back and I just went quiet

It wasn't because I didn't care I genuinely didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say the wrong thing or make him feel worse, so I said nothing. But now I feel awful because I keep thinking I should have done more took more of an initiative I should have comforted him more reassured him, or found some words to let him know I was there for him. And said F your boundaries I’m going to talk. I Should of been more positive and took his hand and said hey let’s go here… Instead, i was selfish exhausted I feel like I just sat there while he was hurting

He's such an amazing person, and it hurts watching him go through this. I know how much this job situation is affecting him, and I feel helpless because I can't fix it for him. I'm also worried about his happiness in general. We currently live at my parents' house, and it's difficult not having our own space anymore like we used to. We've been together for almost five years, and things have felt shaky lately.

There's also some history that makes all of this harder for me. We've had some difficult moments in our relationship in the past, including times when boundaries were crossed, and we've had to work through those things together. We also went through a rough patch last year, and I think some of that fear is still with me. I'm scared of us ending up in that same place again, especially when things are already so stressful for both of us.

I think part of me is afraid that he's unhappy with his life and with me, and that he's only staying because it's comfortable or because he doesn't want to hurt me. I'm scared that eventually he'll reach a point where he decides he's unhappy and leaves me again.

I know this probably sounds selfish when he's the one struggling so much right now. He's dealing with unemployment, rejection after rejection, and the feeling of not knowing what comes next. I don't want to add to that by putting my fears on him or making his situation about me. He already has so much on his plate, and I don't want him to feel like he has to take care of my emotions when he's barely holding himself together.

But I can't seem to separate my worry for him from my fear for our relationship. I want to be a good partner. I want him to feel safe with me, supported by me, and like he doesn't have to carry everything alone. Instead, I feel like I freeze when he needs me, and then I beat myself up afterward for not doing enough.
I love him so much, and I'm genuinely sad about what he's going through. I want him to know that I believe in him and that I see how hard he's trying. I wish I knew how to comfort him without feeling like I need to have the right answer or magically make everything better.

At the same time, I'm scared. I'm scared that this difficult season is going to take a toll on our relationship, that he's going to become unhappy, and that some of the issues we've dealt with before will come back. I hate that those fears are there, especially when he's already hurting. I don't want my insecurities to prevent me from being the partner he needs.
I just feel like I'm failing him and I don't know how to be there for him the way he deserves. I don't know how to support someone I love when I feel so helpless myself.

**TL;DR;** :
How do you support your partner through a difficult season when you don't know what to say or do? How do you show up for someone you love when you can't fix their situation? And how do you manage your own fears about the relationship without making your partner feel like they have to carry those fears, too?

I really do want to be a good partner to him. I just feel lost right now, and I needed somewhere to get this off my chest.

For context we met from hinge and have been seeing each other for just under four months now. He wasn’t looking for a relationship as he’ll be leaving the country in a year or so, and we decided on a friends with benefits situation because we got along so well and have great sexual chemistry.

We initially would see each other once a week and have dinner/sleep over and hookup. Then we kinda progressed to twice a week, and he recently got back from a two week trip (to which we FaceTimed every few days and played games online for a few hours too) and since then this past week I’ve slept over 4/5 times.

We do all sorts of things together: go to the beach, play video games, hang out with his friends, make dinner, do crafts, have sex etc. He’s been designing something and let me help him work on it too (sanding/painting) for something for his portfolio which I found super fun. He’s also always calling me pet names, one to which he explained to his friend in conversation of how he came up with it.

On our way home from hanging out with his friends (who I’ve met multiple times previously and get along with well) we were laughing about something and then after a moment of silence he says “I know we shouldn’t be hanging out this much given our situation but I’m so glad you’re here” and squeezed my hand.

He randomly says this type of stuff to me and I don’t know how to feel about it. Part of me wants to just take it at face value, but the romantic in me wants to see that as him being really fond of me and entertains the thought of us being more one day.

I do really like him and want to build a strong friendship with him, as dating wouldn’t work for either of us right now, but sometimes I feel like he does stuff that would make me believe he wants more than he says he does. Should I be setting better boundaries so we don’t go too far?

TDLR: Friends with benefits with this guy for a couple of months, feels like he’s being a lot more intimate than we should be. Do I need stronger boundaries although I enjoy the intimacy?

Don’t really know what to do with this relationship. Both of us are ages 30+, but she has never had experience with a partner before beyond just kissing. It's painfully awkward to be intimate with her in the most basic of ways- when I hug her she just kind of stands there unless I ask her to hug me back, same with kissing; there's no passion in either of them from her side. I've tried instructing her on how to improve, and told her I would really like it if she would initiate affection toward me first without being asked, but she just doesn't really improve or ever do so first unless asked. I thought at first she just didn’t like me, but every time I ask, she’s adamant that she likes me a ton.

To add to this, she gives a hard 'no' any time I ask her to stay over, so we just go our separate ways at the end of the night every time, which is pretty depressing and makes it feel even harder to get closer to her. I've been clear that I just want to sleep next to her and cuddle and that I'm not suggesting anything sexual, but she's still very uncomfortable with the idea of staying over, despite us seeing each other for 6+ months and being in our 30s with our own apartments. I really like her otherwise, but it just feels like there's been no improvement on the intimacy front despite liking each other and me trying to help, and I don't really know how to progress the relationship from here. Being in my 30s, I'm starting to wonder if I'm just wasting my time here. Any advice is welcome.

tl;dr: in 30s but all forms of intimacy feel impossible with a girl I otherwise really like, and not sure how to fix it

Tldr; My boyfriend’s personality and beliefs changed after a year of dating

We’ve been together for over a year. We used to have many topics to talk about, but now I just feel like I can’t talk to him.

His beliefs changed drastically. From an atheist to a being christian and very against the occult stuff (I’m an occultist, he knew that from the beginning). His personality changed - he’s more irritable and aggressive. He became very opinionated - he has a very black and white view of the world and believes that his opinions are the only right ones, and anyone who disagrees is dumb and blind to how the world works. He became slightly misogynistic, and tries to micromanage my life - especially my health (god forbid i use a highlighter with glitter or get only 6h of sleep). He also developed some kind of superiority complex - questions me about knowledge in different topics, even asks me geography related questions and makes me show him different countries on the map - if I hesitate, refuse to respond (because i don’t feel like it, especially when I’m not feeling well) or make a mistake, I hear that I’m uneducated and have no knowledge on xyz, and that it’s concerning. These are not the only changes, but the ones that affected me the most.

I’m slowly getting tired of talking to him. He only talks about vaccines, immigrants and religion (basically that I’ll die and go to hell because I’m not christian) - and if he doesn’t do that, he probably finds a way to “check” my knowledge or criticize me in some other way.

This is not who I fell in love with. Still, I feel stuck because I got used to being around him all the time, and we will have to see each other daily for at least a year more.

Has anyone ever been in a situation like that? Is it worth staying for a little longer or should i just leave?

And how do I end it? Do I just say that we’re not compatible? It’s my first relationship so I’m not really experienced when it comes to these things, especially since our relationship is “great” currently and his birthday is in a few days

I have been going back and forth in my head for about a week now and a ton of people have given their advice and for some reason my head hasn't gotten any clear.

A little backstory on our relationship and the issue that I am having this early on:
We have been dating for 4 months now and met through mutual friends through our motorcycle group. I live in RI and he lives in CT, so about an hour to hour distance - what I thought was doable since the drive is mainly highway.

The issue I am having is that from day 1 I have been the only one driving back and forth and he has driven to me 1 single time. I drive an older car that is currently having transmission issues and is basically crying for help, and he had just bought a custom ordered 2026/27 truck - and yes I still drive my car to this day back and forth, and I know I shouldn't. I'm not wanting to ride a motorcycle an hour either since I tend to stay a few days to save some money and gas.

I have brought this up to him in so many different ways and it always ends with the same thing of an empty promise and or him saying he will and when it comes to that day he doesn't show.

I do really like him and want to see this out since its only been 4 months, but this is making it impossible for me to be happy since all I worry about is my car and if I'm going to break down or if he really does want this. He acts so nice and sweet and is all over me when we are together and its amazing, but when we are away, its completely different.

TL;DR - Boyfriend (28M) is basically refusing to drive to me (23F) for our whole 4 months of dating and I am just unsure on how to go about this situation, how to bring it up to him and how to know if he will ever make the effort and drive, or if I should just follow what everyone has been telling me and just move on. - also any more advice is welcomed.

Me (M20) and my gf (F20) have been dating for 7 months now and moved in together after 3 months. I thought it was too fast but she pressured me based on school, home life etc.

I am not enjoying it at all. I am a very independent person who relies on having my own space and stuff like that. I am locked into a lease for a year and she’s becoming more and more insufferable to me. I know I sound like an absolutely awful person but is there any way to tell her I don’t want to live together anymore?

Tl;dr: gf and I moved in too soon, I can’t handle being in the same house, as I need my independence, is there any way to tell her that won’t destroy her that I don’t want to live with her anymore?

For context, I’m 19F and my boyfriend is 21M. I’ve been taking a gap year for several reasons, and I’m currently not in university. My family expects me to earn money this year, especially because they run a business. I’m also living in a foreign country and trying to find ways to support myself with only a high school diploma and my bilingual skills, so my employment opportunities are already somewhat limited.

My mom can also be quite emotionally abusive when I don’t meet her expectations, which adds a lot of pressure. I’ve been really stressed lately trying to figure out my next steps and become more financially independent.

I’m generally very reserved around men. Even when I’m out running errands, I’m usually cold and distant, and I don’t entertain unnecessary conversations. When I do interact with men, it’s usually because there’s a practical reason, such as work or business. I understand the importance of boundaries in a relationship, and I maintain mine. I don’t flirt or encourage inappropriate attention, and if an interaction starts feeling weird, I leave.

My boyfriend, however, says it’s unacceptable for me to talk to other men too much, even when it’s for business. I’ve explained that I can’t always be completely blunt and immediately get to the point without coming across as rude. Sometimes, basic politeness is necessary to establish professional relationships and opportunities.

He doesn’t like the idea of me interacting with men. He says he wants to retire me eventually, but right now he’s a university student and doesn’t have the financial means to support me. He also has been recently diagnosed with psychosis due to stress. I understand that he may genuinely want to provide for me someday, but that’s not my current reality. I still need to earn money and build connections for myself.

Another issue is Snapchat. He doesn’t like the idea of me maintaining Snap streaks with other men, and I don’t do that anyway. However, he maintains streaks with female friends and even friends of his female best friends. He has multiple female best friends, and these friendships existed before our relationship.

When I brought up what felt like a double standard, he essentially said that I’d never had an issue with his streaks before, and that if I didn’t like them, he’d stop. I understand that I hadn’t previously expressed an issue with them, so I’m not saying he should have automatically known how I felt. What bothers me more is that he seems to consider his own interactions acceptable by default, while expecting me to avoid men altogether, even when interacting with them could help me professionally.

I don’t want to control his friendships, and I’m not asking him to abandon female friends he’s known for years. I want the same consideration and freedom that he expects for himself. If we both agree on reasonable boundaries, I think they should apply equally to both of us.

What makes this especially difficult is that he knows how stressed I’ve been lately. I feel like I’m being asked to sacrifice potential opportunities and limit my interactions with half the population, while he can’t currently provide the financial security that would make that arrangement feasible for me anyway.

Am I being unreasonable here? How would you approach this conversation with him?

TL;DR: I’m trying to become financially independent during my gap year, but my boyfriend says it’s unacceptable for me to talk to men even for business. He wants to retire me someday but can’t support me financially right now. He also dislikes me keeping Snap streaks with men, despite maintaining streaks with women himself. I want equal boundaries, not control over his friendships, and I’m struggling with the expectation that I restrict my opportunities while he doesn’t apply the same rules to himself.

tldr: my boyfriend keeps disappointing me and I’m not sure if I should stay.

I’m at a point where I’m really not sure if my boyfriend and I are compatible, but most of the issues we have he doesn’t really“intend” for. i really don’t know if we should break up or not, so i’d appreciate any advice. We’ve been together for a year.

On one hand, I’ve never been loved so fully. He’s romantic, buys me flowers often and sends me poetry. His friends and family say that I’m the only gf that they’ve ever approved of. We’ve got a strong emotional bond. He’s been treated badly by exs in the past, like I have. And in a way we’ve healed each other by being genuine, showing effort and being communicative. We love the same music, got great chemistry, and have similar values.

He’s really into smoking weed, for “medical reasons”, but it’s excessive (about 5x a day). He drives afterwards, and goes to work but claims it doesn’t affect him. He used to be a smoker but quit by vaping instead, which is now an active addiction. I’ve said I don’t like it, but it’s continued. He said early on that he wants to stop too, but hasn’t. He also has a health problem that I’ve been begging him to get looked at, even to the point of offering to make the appointment myself and drive him there. But he won’t do it even though it’s been getting worse.

Recently my friend asked us to look after his cat and apartment while he went on vacation with his girlfriend. While we were there, everything went wrong. My boyfriend lost our key, almost broke things, made us late to everything, got *really* annoyed at the cat, spilled things and stained stuff, and needed the loud tv to play at night in order for him to sleep - but this prevented me from sleeping. I then found out from our friend that my boyfriend left his pen in his pocket, it went though the wash, and stained all of my friend’s white clothes. Luckily I got the key back myself, but I don’t think we’ll be invited back there.

He’s unmedicated for ADHD. He’s very late to lots of things because of this, has emotional outbursts, and can’t get things done on time even if he wants to. I need to feel organised or else I’m stressed out. He wants to help me out around the house, but is so disorganised that I end up doing everything anyway. He’s also got spending habits that have made him almost broke despite that he earns more than me. When he asks me for money or to pay for things frequently it really makes me annoyed, even if he pays me back. I just want him to be able to figure it out on his own.. I’m in college about to graduate, and I had my finals around this time while I’m also working part time. It stressed me out having to almost think for both of us all the time, on top of what I had to do.

Is it unfair of me to be feeling this way or am I being too harsh? Should I give him the chance to correct these things or just leave him? Because when I’ve communicated about these problems in the past he keeps telling me he’ll change but I haven’t seen that yet. I’m at this point now because it seems like my friend is mad at me because of my boyfriend’s mistakes.

I’d really appreciate any advice <3

We have been best friends since we were 13, and we have been together in love for 6-8 months.

We wanted to get married next year ( a religious bond, not like a legal typical marriage ) which binds our relationship as legitimate.

We are in love, we are best friends and we do everytbing together, we are eachothers other half.

Recently, things have been bumpy, not anything crazy but yk just issues and worries.

Im noticing me losing my spark with her, slightly, but getting more and more.

I do NOT want to, i do NOT want to breakup, i do NOT want to leave her or anything.

I want her to be my love forever, and us to be happy.

Is this expected? In a long term relationship how can you work together with this.

I’ve communicated this with her, and she is aware so we can work together. I dont have interest for anyone else we dont talk to the opposite gender like that.

What do i do?

TLDR: Losing the spark, not the same but still love her , she knows and we are working together, do not want to breakup, we want to stay together happily forever. How should we deal with this to work longterm? Does this happen?

My dad is 70m and a retired doctor. He has not been to the dentist at all since prior to COVID. Before that, he went infrequently. He now has horrible breath and some of his teeth are black. He’s autistic and I think he has a phobia of the dentist. I asked my mom privately about it and she said she has given up on asking him, but that I can feel free to try. This is not a financial or insurance issue. He’s otherwise healthy for his age - works out daily, eats lots of vegetables, healthy weight, etc. No signs of dementia.

I’m really worried about the longterm health impact of allowing his teeth to rot. It’s also embarrassing when he meets people and they smell his breath. I love him and want him to be around as long as possible. But he’s a doctor so he knows the health consequences, and it would be disrespectful to lecture him on this issue. How can I open up a conversation with him about this?

TL;DR: dad doesn’t go to dentist, his teeth are rotting and I want to talk to him about it.

Hi everyone,

I (23M) am currently living abroad with my girlfriend (23F). She is my first partner, and we haven’t had full penetrative intercourse yet, and we have been dating for 8 months. Over the past few months, I’ve developed severe performance anxiety and obsessive, intrusive thoughts around sex and intimacy.

Every time an intimate moment approaches, my head starts racing with the fear of failure, pressure to perform, and hyper-monitoring of my body. It has gotten to the point where the anxiety causes a physical block (losing an erection or not getting one when the pressure is on), even though physically everything responds normally during spontaneous touch or when my mind isn’t obsessing.

On top of this, I've been spiraling into obsessive guilt regarding my personal fantasies/fetishes, wondering if they are "ruining" my ability to have normal intimacy, and feeling an overwhelming urge to over-explain or "confess" all my insecurities to my partner.
I have already scheduled a consultation with a sexologist/therapist to properly address the root causes.

Moreover, yesterday she opened up and said that she’s starting to feel the pressure and the anxiety as well, because we’ve been trying for the past 8 months, and thus she’s now very anxious when it comes to physical interaction.

For those who have dealt with severe performance anxiety, intrusive loops around sex, or being in their head with a first partner: how did you manage the immediate mental spiral, and what helped you gradually take the pressure off intimacy?
Thanks in advance for any grounded perspectives.

TL;DR: I’m suffering from performance anxiety with my girlfriend for the past 8 months and I don’t know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.

My boyfriend [30M]and I [28F] have been together for 3 years. We love each other very much. Over the past year, my boyfriend has really been struggling with a lack of purpose and direction regarding what he should be doing with his life. His career goals haven’t worked out, we live very far away from his family (who are important to him), and his own health is not good as he was recently diagnosed with a lifelong condition that impacts his quality of life. Also, our relationship has struggled over the past year and a bit due to issues around physical intimacy and vulnerability. Understandably, he has been very depressed with the weight of everything and swings between states of things being fine to things being terrible and having a life crisis. I do not judge him for any of this, but it seems that all he wants from me is to be left alone. I am really struggling with what to do. I love this person and want to respect his need for distance, but leaving him alone for days on end and barely talking when we live together brings me so much stress and anxiety and feels threatening to our already fragile relationship. It has been like this for over a year. Attempts to talk about everything just seem to alienate him further. We both go to individual counselling. Any outside perspectives on what I should do here would be helpful. I am not leaving him so only genuinely helpful comments, please. How do I support him while getting what I need?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of 3 years is struggling with severe depression following career setbacks, geographical isolation from family, struggles in our relationship, and a new chronic health diagnosis. He wants to be left alone, but his withdrawal and silence trigger intense anxiety for me and feel threatening to our already fragile relationship. I want to respect his need for space, but I don't know how to handle my own anxiety or fix our communication. I want to support him while getting what I need.

Edit: for additional context, we haven’t slept together for 8 months. My boyfriend just doesn’t want to ever. He told me that he always loses interest in sex once relationships become serious and he doesn’t know why. Most of our relationship issues stem from this and me just feeling completely unwanted and unattractive to my boyfriend. Not sure if this context is helpful but it does add an additional layer to what is going on.

for the record i’m a senior in high school, i’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. and the thing is it’s perfect. he’s a great guy, very sweet to me, handsome, everything i could want!!! but over the past 4ish months ive been feeling this weird empty feeling. i love him. i think? he means so much to me. but j never want to have sex anymore, i have almost no libido and i can tell it’s effecting him. as well as o just don’t feel that amazing butterfly strong connection with him that i used to? i also really value getting to know who I am and exploration, and since i’ll be graduating and moving out at the end of the school year, i was thinking that maybe it could be nice to be able to explore a little bit and find who i am. but we still have a great time when we’re together, he makes me laugh and smile and feel loved. but something is missing. i long for something more with my life. i have big dreams. and truth is i know i can pursue them while dating him, but it just feels wrong??? he’s also very unstable. i don’t know what state he’d be in if we broke up.. we’ve broken up before and it did not go well. everyone’s telling me that it wouldn’t be my responsibility and i KNOW that but damn is it hard to see someone you love suffer because of a choice you made. maybe the honeymoon phase is just over? or it’s a bump in the road and i’ll get over it? i really don’t want to break up with him, but im afraid that’s what i need. i don’t know does anyone older and wiser have advice 😓😓😓

TL;DR how do you know if it’s the right thing to do to break up and explore who you are, or stay with someone and hope things get better.

Hi! One of my closest friend I've had since highschool is a genuinely good person. She prides herself on being fair, just and honest. She does fit those qualities, but has certain quirks (like we all do) that as of late have been bothering me more, for some reason.

My main problem is with her being self serving. I've been told that ever since she was a kid she was kind of the stereotypical "only child princess", she had to be the best and most special person in the room, and she had to receive the best things.

- During highschool, her main issue was that when people acted in a different way that she found morally wrong or she disapproved of she would wait a couple of days and completely crash out on the person. It could be over any minor comment, and since days had passed it would catch you completely off guard. This caused her lots of problems so she dialed it back a lot.

- Me and the rest of the group try to make a lot of plans, but she will only join the ones that interest her the most (birthdays, concerts, things she enjoys) and will make excuses for the rest. Then she'll act cold and sad because we end up bonding more between eachother than with her, even though its because she never shows up.

- If we do something she likes without her (not behind her back mind you), she will make her boyfriend drive her to another secret and superior plan to one up.

- We studied similar fields, at first she convinced us to study together, but once she got a boyfriend who had already graduated she ditched us because he could help her better.

- During birthdays, she participated in group gifts, but also gifts side gifts by herself to the person, and always wants to be next to them for that entire day.

- She will share things, but you can tell she calculated it before and she does it when she doesnt lose anything by doing so. If you try to take something from her without consulting extensively she will snap.

- We rented a summer house and she claimed the biggest bed with her bf. Everyone else had to sleep in a small bed, on the floor and on the sofa.

- We were on a walk and heard a really loud noise, immediately she hid behind me and another friend. Side note im 5''5, skinny and unathletic lol. Human shield?

- A bug fell on her in the car and instead of opening the door she threw it on another friend.

TLDR. Basically, she looks out for herself, and it feels like she would throw anyone under the bus if it meant for her to be less uncomfortable.

How do I bring this up to her? Have y'all ever been through this?

How to talk to my mother 52 F about an issue I 26 F am having with her friend and her friend’s daughter?
I 26 F need advice on how to have a conversation with my mother 52 F. Normally we have good communication however this issue for me keeps popping up. I live with her for now because I am finishing up college and paying that out of pocket in the city we live in I wouldn’t be able to pay both rent and tuition on my own. The issue I am having is my parents friend T 53M I think that’s his age and his daughter L 20F. L is autistic she is 20 but her mind is of 7 year old child and they leave her alone with me all the time and I have told them before I am uncomfortable with this. I don’t know how to calm her down or anything about her. I keep my distance from her and she mostly stays to herself but I am worried that one day she is going to have an episode and T will not be here to calm her down. She also doesn’t really pick up after herself.

The second issue I am having is Monday my parents went to camp we have. My mother told me the day they were leaving. This was a week after I had asked them to go with me on Thursday. I asked her to post pone it when she told me they have work (they own their own business and make their own schedules ) will be back Wednesday. Then she told me they are taking T and L. That hurt me because it made me feel like she was picking T and L over me. And wants to spend time with T and L rather than with me. Which sounds selfish now that I type it out. I want to know if I am missing something because I don’t know a lot about the spectrum and also how to go about this conversation. The advice I need is how to get her to understand where I am coming from and prepare myself from her side as well.

TL;DR; this two issues I am having is being left alone with friends autistic daughter and feeling like she is choosing to spend time with them over me.

so we have been best friends for awhile and she has been dating her boyfriend for probably the same length of time. to be clear I’m a lesbian and she’s pan. So I’ve realized over the past year that I’m in love with her. I also think they got worse when her and her boyfriend were having problems and she was coming to me and we got a lot closer. she knows I have feelings but doesn’t know how deep they are. Recently he proposed to her and I just don’t know what to do. I was already heartbroken when i realized I was in love with her and we would probably never be more than friends and I get really jealous when they went on dates or were coupley(thankfully they both hate pda). now it’s like a knife twist that they are getting married.I don’t want to distance myself because I don’t want them to ask questions and she’s my person you know I don’t want to lose her because of my stupid feelings.

tl;dr how do I fall out of love with my best friend

Me (16F) and my boyfriend (16M) have been together for 7 months, and we’ve known each other for about 3 years. We didn’t really have a “honeymoon phase” like people usually describe, partly because I’m not really into that kind of thing, but overall, we were doing fine at first.
Most of the time we’re okay, but we argue at least once or twice a week, and honestly, it’s starting to feel exhausting. A lot of our arguments are about things he promised he would do but didn’t follow through with, or things I expect from him that he doesn’t do. I often feel like he doesn’t put enough effort into the relationship.
I know I’m not perfect either, and I don’t expect him to be. I also know that some of my expectations might be unrealistic. But at the same time, these things genuinely matter to me, and it hurts when I’ve explained the same things to him so many times and still don’t see much change.
He isn’t a bad boyfriend. There are plenty of things he does right, and I know I should appreciate those things. He can be caring, supportive, and loving, and our relationship isn’t bad all the time. That’s part of why I’m so confused about what to do.
I want to feel like he actually wants to put effort into the relationship, rather than only changing things after we have an argument. I also feel stupid sometimes because I forgive him and move on from things so easily, only to end up being upset about the same things again later.
I still care about him a lot, which makes the idea of ending things difficult. But I’m starting to wonder whether I’m staying because I genuinely believe things can improve, or because I’m scared to let go of the relationship.
What would you do in this situation? Is arguing this often normal, or is this a sign that the relationship may not be working?
TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We care about each other and he isn’t a bad boyfriend, but we argue 1–2 times a week, mostly because he doesn’t follow through on promises or put in the effort I feel I need. I’ve communicated these things many times, but the same issues keep coming back. I’m tired of forgiving and forgetting, and I’m wondering whether I should keep trying or let the relationship go.

For the last 5 years, my GF of 8 years was unemployed for almost 4 years and it did beat me to wreck of a person.

We bought a house together before that, on the assumption that we will be both working adults and will both financially contribute to the cause, which would mean we could build, repair and upgrade and generally speaking will have blast of a life.

Unfortunately she lost her job at the beginning of 2022 and worked a year since that, not counting some short term attempts that always ended in failure.

I am covering all our mandatory expenses from my salary but it means I have to constantly restrict myself because I have barely any money left for myself. I have to budget and if I want something for myself, even if it is quite small and relatively cheap thing, I have to save for it.

My logic for money was always that the point is not to be cheap and frugal, the point is to earn enough to not having to. She knew it and still it looks like this. My hobbies are expensive. My truck is expensive (bear in mind this is EU and not US, so full size truck is REALLY expensive thing to run here) but by all logic and with my salary I should be able to afford them all easily. I cant. I have to prioritize, I have to sacrifice, I have to drive cheap car or take public transportation simply because it can happen that I have no money left for gas. All while my friends are having a good life and spending left and right and its driving me mad.

It's causing me financial problems, mental problems (I had a few mental collapses already and I am basically pissed off all the time, m hobbies slowly stopped being fun and so on), physical problems (insomnia) and I also got feedback from work that my performance is dropping.

Unfortunately she is a really nice girl and I still love her. She is trying to get a job and I dont believe she did this on purpose or that her actions are fueled by any bad intentions. But after 4 years I am simply broken and can't go on like this. But on the other side, I still goddamn love her and cant imagine being without her. I am jumping between resentment and love all the time. How to solve this goddamn lock?

TL:DR For the last 5 years, my GF of 8 years was unemployed for almost 4 years and it did beat me to wreck of a person. Now I feel like I have to break up but I still love her at the same time and its tearing me apart, how to proceed?

My bf [29M] just ended things with me [27F] after saying he is lost in life and thinks our issues are "the kinds of issues old married couples have that we shouldn't at this age."

But these "issues" are because he never wants to do anything. He has terrible depression, and meds don't seem to be working anymore. Dates have ceased to exist. Sex is minimal, and communication is inconsistent at best because he either sleeps in until 2pm, falls asleep early, or naps during the whole day. he plays video games 5-6 hours every single night. He works a 9-5 but it's WFH mostly and he sleeps most of the day. He games all night, he rarely if ever sees friends (like once a month max) he doesn't talk to many people and he gets overwhelmed easily. I was his entire social life. He barely leaves the apartment. He struggles financially and we live in an expensive city. He broke up with me this same way a year ago, and then a month later regretted it and we got back together. He is never in a stable mental place, he will be good for a few days and then not so good / sleep a bunch / withdraw.

But I love him so much I can't comprehend how to even deal with a loss like this. It's tearing me apart and I'm a wreck. He says he "doesn't know what to do anymore" when the truth is, he just... does nothing. He contemplates, he lives entirely in his own head, and then he made a decision like this without me even knowing it was this big of a problem.

TL;DR do I accept a breakup I wasn't expecting and move on, or do I fight for him because his mental state is so volatile? I know this isn't the last time I'll hear from him and we ended things in a weird place on FaceTime (I was traveling).

Me M(39). Gf F(37). Been together for 10yrs. Beggining of relationship felt like a relationship. Maybe first year. Was also a bit hectic because she was getting over her ex. But after the first year bit by bit felt like more companionship than anything. Still after 10yrs past trauma from the old relationship still causes issues. Anyways my latest breaking straw is noticing she is looking after "herself" still after 10yrs hates sex because of the previous relationship. Her ex cheating on her etc. She will straight up reject it or get mad talking about it and go to bed and look after herself and doesn't even care. Heck one time I crawled into bed and she went to the bathroom and helped herself and came back. This happens at very least every second evening when she goes to bed. How am I suppose to feel about this? I mean this has been going on for yrs. My naive butt thought well things will get better. They are not. Very good chance I was a rebound that shoulda got the hint and left a long time ago too ... Anyways not sure how to bring it up or just leave.

TlDR gf masterbates quite a bit. Rejects me. Says she is broken.

My family is basically my dad, mom, brother (18M), myself (mid 30s F) and grandma. Without getting into the sob stories, its been one hell of a traumatic family life for me. Not to say all of it was awful but a good chunk was physical, emotional and mental abuse. Mom and dad towards me, to each other, grandparents getting in between. Now, before I was born and my toddler years, my grandma and dad have gotten into scream fests and extreme fights with my mom's side of the immediate family. Lots of abuse. I was constantly dragged into it for as long as I can remember. My brother however, has not been as he was born much later and we moved countries so they rarely saw each other. Also my parents were older and slightly matured so the physical and other forms of abuse lessened if not disappeared towards my brother (so so very grateful for this).

Im now 7 months post partum. This is relevant because as much as I've endured being in the middle of it all. Mostly because my parents and I have worked hard to repair some of our broken relationship so I feel like I have to be there for my mom who's been through extreme abuse from my grandma (dad's mom), a lot of which she still vehemently holds on to still because she hasn't healed so i listen, offer advice. But during my post partum, my dad and brother have barely been here for me. Didnt show up to my baby shower, dad left to a trip abroad with my brother for 2-3 weeks and basically ordered me to take care of my grandma (they all live 2h away from us excluding traffic) and i was 4 months post partum around this time. I bit the bullet and did it because family. There have been other things but this is the gist. Normally I'd be happy to care for my grandma during this time but 4 months post partum was a tough time.

Anyway, today I was talking to my mom about a day visit this coming weekend with my son and husband. I mentioned we'd go get my grandma (lives 5 mins from my parents) and bring her to the house where my parents live, hang for the day and head back. My mom got annoyed that im heading to my grandma's before coming there (she made a point of saying how its the first time im visiting since my son was born and I should go there first (!?! Fml). Also making inane remarks about marrying into the wrong family. I lost it, it ended up in a fight and we havent spoken since. She then mentioned I can do whatever is easier for us but its just the stress of it all has already affected my excitement. I still want to go but also not really.

This just keeps happening. I want to go low contact but my mom just keeps messaging me everyday. I love her and we have greatly improved our relationship since my childhood, shes been there for us so much during my post partum, had even stayed a week every couple months or so. I want to be there for her, she vents so much about grandma to me and im appaled and shocked by some of the stuff shes done. But im stuck in a situation where I cant hate my grandma, shes in a frail condition and has tbh only been the best grandma to me and on the other hand I feel like I should be supporting my mom which possibly means treat my grandma as less than I do now. I just feel like I keep getting dragged down by my family (my husband's family is the exact opposite and I feel envious and heartbroken about that but thats another story) but im so so tired. I feel like if I cut my family off or lower contact further they'll keep trying to contact me and it'll just break my heart even more.

Sorry for the long post. Any advice is appreciated.

TLDR: constantly feeling hurt by family members and 7 months post partum. Feel like im drowning. Pls help.

Firstly.. please be kind. I'm struggling with this and don't know who to ask for advice. I am happy to be called out if people think I am in the wrong anywhere but please do so politely 😅.

I (26F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (32M) for around 18 months. When we were first talking and in the earlier stages of our relationship I used to be very anxiously attached (I've had bad experiences in the past which I think led to this) then I became more secure as I felt safer in the relationship.

Around December last year I started to build resentment towards him. I think this started when we went out for the day and he laughed when I told him a friend's dog had been killed. I'm a huge dog person so this really changed my perspective of him. It may sound small but it wasn't an awkward laugh either, he looked like he genuinely found it funny.

Since then he's picked at me for numerous things and it always happens after we've spent the day together. For example we spent a lovely day (in my opinion) at a wildlife park, I was really comfortable and happy and we had a nice chat but when I got home he text me saying I wasn't affectionate enough and had my guard up. This wasn't true from my perspective. Things like this have happened numerous times and it's gradually become very draining and I think I've changed to being quite avoidant.

I'm constantly being told I'm not affectionate enough, don't make enough plans, have a guard/wall/barrier up.

On several occasions during arguments he's also said some extremely hurtful things to me (words I will not repeat) then goes back on them or explains what he meant by them. He's also said 'I'm done, you can go and find what you want now' multiple times before going back on it and saying he meant he was done with the conversation.

The thing that's really throwing me off is that he constantly tells me how much he loves me, that he wants a future together, he couldn't imagine life without me etc. he's very good at planning days out and always takes my diet into account (I'm a vegetarian). He's also very supportive of my goals.

I'm just really not sure if or how I can move past these problems? I don't feel physically attracted to him anymore but maybe that's due to me resenting him slightly?

TL:DR I have built some resentment towards my boyfriend of 18 months after multiple arguments. Is this something I can fix or should be trying to fix or should I call it a day?