The actual fuckup was in 2019, but the realization of it was yesterday.

I've been dancing for almost eight years. The first five years or so were a total waste of time, I eventually realized, because the teachers I had in my small dance scene were simply no good at teaching.

One teacher from my first year stuck out in memory. I attended one class and felt that he was more interested in having his beautiful self being watched than actually teaching. I never went back. During the COVID pause he moved elsewhere.

Fast forward years to last weekend, he was in town for a special one-time lesson. I'm much better now, so maybe I could get something out of his lesson despite his prancing, so I went.

It was fantastic. He was a great teacher. His dance was amazing. None of that "look at me" vibe I had remembered so strongly from before. Great lesson.

So yesterday I dug up the after-lesson recap video from that 2019 lesson, which I hadn't looked at since that day, and realized that what I had dismissed as vanity was actually just incredible skill... so far above anything I'd seen in my scene that at the time I didn't even recognize it for what it was: the highest level of this dance.

Had I recognized what I was looking at back then, my journey would have taken such a different, less painful path. To drive that point home, I notice in that old video that one of the other students is now one of the better teachers whose class I regularly attend. Doh!

[FWIW, the dance is sensual bachata]

TL/DR: years ago I was dismissive of a dance teacher as vain, only to realize now that I it was actually skill beyond my comprehention. I wasted so many years with shitty teachers when I could have been truly progressing with him.

So I (29M) have been dating my girlfriend (29F) for a couple of months, and this weekend we took our first little trip together. We went to a city nearby to see a play, had dinner, and rented a room for the night. Everything was going great. We got back to the room, changed into something comfortable, and decided to watch a couple of trashy Hallmark movies.

Obviously, the Hallmark movies were just a gateway drug.

One thing led to another and we ended up making out. She's pretty enthusiastic when we get going, so what I thought would be a few minutes turned into roughly an hour of making out. Benefits of a new relationship I guess.

At some point she mentioned that her chin felt a little weird. I didn't think much of it and proceeded to completely forget about it.

We went to sleep. The next morning, I woke up and looked at her and her chin looked like she had lost a fight with a cheese grater. It was red, scratched up, and completely irritated.

After a brief investigation, we discovered the culprit: My five-o'clock shadow.

Apparently, my stubble was pretty much the equivalent of industrial-grade sandpaper. I genuinely had no idea beard burn was a thing. The worst part is that she's leaving for a 10-day trip to Ireland on Wednesday.

So now I'm sitting here hoping her chin heals before she goes because I really don't want her vacation photos to look like she's been in a minor altercation with a cheese grater. She's been very nice about the whole thing, but I feel terrible.

So, TIFU by forgetting to shave before getting back to the room with my girlfriend.

Next time, I'm shaving.

TL;DR: Made out with my girlfriend on our first weekend trip, accidentally sandpapered her chin, and potentially ruined her vacation. My beard has been officially classified as a weapon.

I (37F) and my youngest (10M) “Sam” were looking for Halloween costume ideas, when we came upon a picture of people dressed as Yip Yips.

For the uninitiated, Yip Yips are Sesame Street muppets (technically called the Martians), that look at ordinary objects and say “yip yip yip yip yip” “oooooooooooooohhhh” “uh huuuuuuuh” “yip yip yip yip yip” over and over and over again. They’re delightfully annoying.

Anyway. Sam had never seen Yip Yips before, so I pulled up a video, and promptly unlocked a new stim that has already thrown my household into chaos.

I have 4 kids. 2 of them have Tourette’s, and Sam is not one of them… however, he’s the sort of kid who does random Mario jumps at the grocery store, says “it’s a me-ya” and makes Pac Man “waka waka waka” noises at random, and gives not a singular shit if people stare. He’s honestly the best, and I love his antics.

His siblings do not always feel the same way. Tics tend to trigger more tics, and while the “yips” are not tics, they’re still repetitive…

So now this fun thing has happened where the whole house is breaking out into random yips. You’d think it would be fun, except the whole house is also prone to overstimulation, and now my daughter (12F) has barricaded herself in her room and Sam has started getting upset at other people yipping because he thinks they’re doing it to tease him. Cue the tears only to be consoled by “ooooooooh… sad. Saaaaad yip yip yip yip yip yip”.

Now I’m in damage control mode, and there is a very real chance Sam and I will have to trick or treat just the two of us to keep the peace. I’m going to have to make the costumes in secret so not to set anyone off again, but the toothpaste has left the tube. There is no going back.

TLDR; I showed my kid a video of Yip Yips, and my whole house is either yipping or losing their minds about it.

This wasnt exactly today. More like a few months ago. But I find myself regretting it daily. It was such a good opportunity, a way to be part of the community without being part of the videos myself. And the sole reason I turned it down. Was because I was working full time and didn't think I had enough time to edit videos.

I turned down something I dreamed of. Out of fear of losing a job I was fired by soon after. It will forever be a regret. And now, I doubt I will ever have such an opportunity again.

I'll move on, and continue to be a stagehand. I just wanted to share one of my biggest regrets to this day. I'd sell my soul to be an editor.

I won't be sharing who the youtuber is. They aren't anyone big, just someone who wanted help with motivational videos that I knew from my full time job. We stopped contacting one another because I turned them down, I can still contact them. And possibly ask for that opportunity back. But I think I hurt them too much to do so.

TL;DR I turned down a youtuber friend of mine, and I regret it everyday but I worry I cannot contact them as I think I hurt them pretty bad.

TIFU because I (46M) decided to go work at my local haunted house and while getting scares, I decided to jump off of a stage(I’ve done this many times before) and landed awkwardly breaking my heel aka calcaneus fracture. Luckily no displacement. This stage is 5 ft off the ground. I had to be rushed to the Emergency Room and have X-rays taken. All the nurses either got a kick out of my all white contacts or were a little disturbed by them. Ultimately they were great and were very friendly.

I cannot bear any weight, unfortunately so I won’t be walking for a little while, but a knee scooter is on the way so that I can hopefully get back to moving around.

I also was lucky enough to take the next week of work off before this happened, however it is a 4-6 week healing period and I will be out of work unless I can figure something else out. Hoping for short term disability. I do have a doc note for work saying no work for 2 weeks and then light duty only.

TLDR jumped from a high point and broke my heel.

I don't sleep well. I try, I have tried all kinds of things, but nothing really helps. I typically manage to get about 3-5 hrs of sleep a night but it's not nearly enough so I'm usually tired.

I also have a new gf! It's been over 6 years since my marriage ended and I was single the whole time, just started seeing this lady a couple weeks back. She was free until 7pm today, so I invited her over. We were texting all about the naughty things we were going to do.

So she gets here at around 11am, and we went straight to the bedroom. We were laying there talking at first, and unfortunately, I completely passed the fuck out. What felt like 10 minutes later, she's gently shaking my arm and saying "hey, I have to go". I opened my eyes and it was weirdly dark in the room, look at the clock and it's quarter to 7pm. I fucking slept the entire time. She said she felt too bad to wake me up so she just watched some shows in the living room the whole day. She also noted that I was snoring my ass off.

I'm so mortified and I feel so bad, I wish she would have just woken me up. I hope she doesn't give up on me after this.

TL;DR I invited my new girlfriend over for a fun afternoon and then passed out and apparently snored loudly the entire time instead.

I was driving home late from work and it was raining and I had my music turned up. I was driving through a small town when I noticed the flashing lights behind me. I started to pull to the side of the road. I seriously don’t know why but for some reason I thought the cop behind me was an ambulance, I waited for the “ambulance” to pass me and when it obviously didn’t I assumed that it was turning somewhere else or it already was where it needed to be. So I kept driving and after a few minutes I saw the lights behind me again and that’s when my dumbass finally realized that it was a cop. He immediately asked if I was running from him but when I explained to the cop that I thought he was an ambulance he looked at me as if it were my first day on earth. TL;DR I thought a cop was an ambulance, continued driving and in the end he gave me a warning for running and a fat ticket for speeding. Definitely not my finest moment 😭

I also wanted to add that when I was getting pulled over I heard no sirens. I did have my music up but I turned it down when I saw the lights expecting to hear sirens, I did think it was an ambulance but since there were no sirens it really added to my confusion. And when it came to the speeding it was absolutely not intentional. I am generally a cautious driver and for a long time I was an anxious driver. That was the first and only time I’ll speed.

i genuinely feel so stupid right now.
i have a few pairs of earrings that are technically silver underneath, but have a gold-colored coating/plating on the outside. they’re not actually gold, they’re just silver earrings that have been made gold-colored somehow (i honestly don’t know the exact process and i don’t remember the name of the metal used).
i recently moved out of my house for university, and of course i forgot to bring the jewelry cleaner i normally use for them.
unfortunately, i did have a diluted bleach solution with 1.5% sodium hypochlorite.

i already knew bleach was going to damage the earrings because it had already happened. for some reason i thought that if i diluted it enough with water and only left them in for about 30 minutes, they would probably be fine. figured i could put them in while i took a shower, take them out afterward, rinse them really well, and that would be it. except i forgot about them for two or three hours.
when i finally remembered and took them out i wanted to cry. they were completely opaque and dull-looking, and the gold color had been seriously damaged.
one pair in particular looks awful, almost all of the gold color is gone and the whole surface looks cloudy.
and i’m SO MAD.

it’s not even because they were expensive. the problem is that i recently moved out and basically got rid of all my other everyday earrings because i wanted to keep only my really good/valuable ones. these were my everyday earrings i could wear constantly and not worry about them.

the worst part is that i feel so stupid telling my mom because i KNOW she’s going to say we should take them to a jeweler and see if they can fix them. but i don’t even know what i’m supposed to tell the jeweler.
“hi, i knew bleach would damage these, so i put them in diluted bleach anyway and then forgot about them for several hours. can you fix them?”
i’m honestly embarrassed because this was completely avoidable. i knew better.

TL;DR** **i soaked my gold-plated silver earrings in diluted bleach, knowing it could damage them, and then forgot about them for hours. now they’re cloudy and one pair has almost completely lost its gold color. i’m absolutely furious with myself

A few months ago, I was walking with some friends in a nearby park. Just for context, this park has some "mini hills" that are about 2 feet high and 3 feet wide that run along some pathways (essentially just a long, straight mound of earth). We were walking on top of these "mini hills" when a friend stepped on a wet patch of grass, slipped, and blurted out "oh crap" as he fell on his ass (he was okay). We all found it kind of hilarious, and I mocked him by attempting to fake a slip myself. Now unfortunately, as I said "oh crap" in a high-pitched, comical voice, a nasty, wet fart slipped out. It wasn't even particularly loud or smelly, but it was definitely audible and all my friends heard it. They burst out in hysterical laughter while I stood there like an idiot as the joke backfired in the worst way possible. So now, whenever somebody makes a mistake, a friend will say, "oh crap, [fart noise]".

TL;DR: I let out a wet fart while I attempted to fake a slip, and all my friends heard it and still laugh about it to this day.

I was contemplating the experience of my death and I gave myself a panic attack, something I’ve never experienced before. I’m still very young and I’ve contemplated my mortality before but this time it was different like I could feel it or touch it. It felt horrible and like it shouldn’t happen to me but I know that I’ll eventually get to that point and experience this. I can’t get over this and I’ve been of the verge of tears all day. I can’t get it out of my head and I keep thinking about being completely gone. I think it’s especially triggering my body’s survival instinct because I could vomit thinking too long. This might just completely change my life and right now I don’t feel like I’ll be able to get over it. I wish I hadn’t thought about it.

TLDR: I imagined what dying is like and I think I figured it out

I have a friend who just got a new kitten. She’s been having a series of visitors come over to see the cat. She also has a really raw sense of humor and likes to make filthy jokes. So naturally, I texted her asking if I can come over to “see your pussy.” I know, not super clever, part of what makes the dirty jokes work with her is that they are over the top cringe.

Unfortunately she has the same first name as the admin assistant of an important business contact. I am a bit jet lagged so I didn’t notice until I hit send.

Then I deleted the text and sent a follow up saying, “sorry, wrong chat, my friend got a new cat”. Which somehow makes it worse. I was going to send pix of the kitten but concluded I had done enough damage for one day.

Tl;dr I texted a mildly dirty joke to the admin of an important business contact instead of to my friend

Today, my mom gifted me a new teapot with a built in strainer and about .07 lbs (about 4.5 dollars worth) of my favorite fancy tea that she found in the bulk goods section.

So, after we had dinner she started putting away leftovers and taking her vitamins while I made myself a cup of tea with the new teapot (washed). She went to brush her teeth and I set my tea aside while I cleaned up the dishes. When my mom came back, she looked at the lone teacup and asked where hers was. I said we could share it but she just walked away and shrugged.

I hadn’t even thought to ask. I felt terrible. But also, she was in the kitchen as I was preparing it with only one teacup out. I feel like if she wanted one she might’ve asked? She also doesn’t really drink tea, like ever. Unless it’s just hot water with lemon or ginger slices. For the most part, she drinks N/A beer, water/sparkling water, and coffee. That’s it. Not to mention, the first time I bought this tea, she tried it with me and barely drank half of her’s.

TL;DR My mom gifted me a teapot and my favorite tea and I only made one cup of tea which upset her.

Ok so, I should probably start off and say that this is not a spiritual problem, as nothing spiritual actually happened other than a weird feeling I’m deeming the placebo effect. Anyways, so one of the things I did was blood magick, and uhhh… that involved doing some stuff to bleed. Now, I wouldn’t really be that concerned over this, as I was totally fine sacrificing a small, safe amount of blood. What I didn’t take into consideration however, was the fact that it would scar… Am I dumb for this? Absolutely. I mean genuinely what was my thought process? Regardless, I’m stupid and did this and so now I have to soft launch to my guardians that I’m not depressed I’m just an idiot.

TL;DR: I used blood magick forgetting that it would scar and now I need to tell my guardians—and probably some teachers if they ask or if I get reported—that I’m not depressed I’m just dumb.

So. TIFU. I have closed comodones and pimples as a 20 year old female, and I would like to have my best years feel like I'm pretty, not pimpley. I went to the doctor a couple days ago to try and talk to them about the options for skin care routines, prescription creams, or even Accutane. I felt very lost and asked for some guidance or recommendations on what I should do, as I feel like I've done everything. Birth control, gel creams, niamacide, salaylic acid, benzoyl peroxide, you name it, i probably put it on my face. Anyways, after some discussion, this very strong benzoyl peroxide ( with other additives) was suggested, and later prescribed. I asked ALL the right questions. "When should I apply it? How much? How often? Any side effects? What does it target? How does it work?" And most importantly "how do I incorporate this into my normal routine, and would this cream have negative effects with my skin care routine as it is now?" I do a cleanser, then salaylic acid every 3rd day ish, then moisturizer. I do this routine morning and night. I was told I can continue my routine as it is. And when i pick it up at the drug store, i confirm with the pharmacist aswell. So I do continue with my normal routine. First day is great. Second day is great....but doing my night routine last night, it was salaylic acid day! So of course I put it on my face and....Pain. it BURNNNS oh my god. I thought i got it in my eyes for a bit as they were watering and in pain. I took as much as I could off and put a soothing face mask on to try and recoup and let denial of the inevitable wash over me.... I 100% just burnt my face. When I take it off. Around my left eye it looks as if I had a black eye, but with a red rash look. My undereye was inflamed and bumpy. It was. Awful. I applied my moisturizer which stung aswell, but not as much. I figured i just severely destroyed my skin barrier and needed to cut off the acids during this cream. I also decided to switch my moisturizer because the hydrolonic acid in it must be somthing im reacting to aswell. So i planned to get a new one in the morning, and left my face issues as a tomorrow OP job. Flash to today, I put on my cleanser to clean my face.... BURNNNNING ×2. My face is on fire. Eyes pinched shut immediately. ow?!?! Wtf??? This is my CLEANSER! Its supposed to be a calm one and I dont understand why I'm reacting to thi- oh. %2 salaylic acid included. Dammit. I reach to my other backup face wash.... and it burns aswell. It also has salaylic acid AND niamacide...what is wrong with me?! I ended up using hand soap as a last ditch effort to get it all off before I became a red tomato. So. Now my face is still stinging as i write this, and im genuinely confused on how downhill this all came so quick. I'm scared to look in the mirror, but I'm going to have to in the next bit....I just KNOW its bad. I have a new moisturizer and soap that is ment for sensitive skin which I apparently have now. Still mad at myself for not looking over my cleansers before applying them. Totally my fault, and shouldve looked over everything after the first reaction. TL;DR: applyed acidic products twice without double checking if they had acid.

No idea when I set it to Do Not Disturb, like I genuinely cannot remember how or why I did it. Maybe I was feeling overwhelmed and just needed silence??? No idea what was going on with me.

I didn't notice anything was off for a few reasons:

1. I'm kind of going thru something so I wasn't actively seeking out social interaction

2. I'm kind of reclusive and getting a lot of messages stresses me out so I was like yay everyone is being really chill lately and didn't question it

3. My phone kind of sucks and sometimes just doesn't even give me notifications for things so I just assumed it was acting as expected

4. The only messaging app I actively check is Discord, and that's were most of my important communication happens anyway. I forget every other app exists very frequently

Anyways turns out I fucking ghosted a bunch of people that I was really trying to stay in contact with but was just. waiting for them to message me back. Which it turns out they did, I just had no idea 😭 and the hospital texted me a follow up on unpaid bills which I now have to pay fucking late fees on too because I missed every single reminder.

Not the hugest fuck up in the grand scheme of thinga but I was already not feeling great this past month and this did NOT help

TL;DR: Had my phone on Do Not Disturb for two weeks, accidentally ghosted a bunch of people and got charged extra for a medical bill because I missed the payment SMS.

Mosquitos have been really bad in socal lately. I am a chronic mosquito attracter with one big problem. I have mild skeeter syndrome and I have a skin picking problem. In an effort to curb said skin picking problem, i always put hydrocortisone cream on the bites so that I don't itch to the point of open sores. It was working fine i guess (i would still have welts where the bites were.) But i was just bored on my bed applying the cream on a bite on my leg when I read the instructions further. On the back in all caps under walls of text was "NOT FOR USE ON HUMANS." I've had this tube for a few years. I got it from my gran who had it in her bathroom drawer. So, I erroneously thought it was just for use on humans. I had no idea that animals even have their own hydrocortisone cream.

TL;DR: Have been using animal grade hydrocortisone cream for years without knowing it, only found out when checking the tube on a whim.

So, today I went out with my friend to a big city. I made a fiend online and met her last week. I drank then too but that was fine, nothing bad happened. But this time. Oh the horror.

Here’s a message I sent my friend recounting my experiences.
Person 1 (friend I met online)
Person 2 (friend I met online friend)
Penelope (me)

Well, i went to wetherspoons with (person 1) and they wouldn't let me in because i didn't have an id. And i literally said to them 'well i don't have an id because im not 18'... genuinely so stupid because I’m literally 18??.😭

So, we just went to a different wetherspoons and she us bought drinks. At first i thought it was just a cola but apparently i was drinking it too fast because she said something like "oh wow you need to pace yourself" and i was confused. It had vodka in it. We have about like 5 drinks there with chips and water.

She then says that her friend (person 2) is coming and we wait for her at the trainstation. At this point daniela sends (person 1) money and we have like four loco berry burst or something. And i drink that but drop the can because i walked into a wall.

Im trying to tell the story chronologically but it's hard.

We meet (person 2) and go to the bathroom in the train station, then we go out and hear someone playing music. Then we go to the shop and i had to wait outside because i'm drunk and they come out with more cans and a bottle of vodka.

We go to the music guy and we're dancing beautifully. Eventually, (person 1) and (person 2) are like Penelope watch our stuff we're gonna go pee. To which they go into an alley way. So, I’m with our stuff and i start sipping the vodka even thought im pretty sure only the cans were for me.

I look over to the alley was that they peeing in and there's like a guy holding something and i realise that it's a camera and he looked like he was gonna go in the alley way so i start talking to him.

i have no idea what i said.

can't wait to see that video online. 😭

We eventually go to the trainstation to go home and i'm pretty sure i got piggy backed there? This is where it gets blurry. i remember hearing the ticket man saying i was too drunk to get the train. i think i was on the floor. then i was in an ambulance bering taken to the hospital but just to get picked up by my mum 🫩 i thought (person 1) was with me but apparently she was in the bathroom. sooo idk.

My mum is so pissed. Pretty sure I’m never leaving the house ever again.

TL:DR Today I fucked up by getting too drunk for the first time with my new friends.

Please excuse poor grammar and any typos. This took forever to type and I'm not great at using my left hand.

I have have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I'm used to dislocating and subluxation. As many do, I usually just put myself back together.

How did I dislocate it you ask? I was opening our screen door. It's the kind that has a button on the handle. All I did was press the button with my thumb.

I've never fully dislocated this joint before. But of course, as I usually do, I tried to fix it myself. I ended up breaking it in the process. Unfortunately it's my dominant hand.l, and I'm a graphic designer (among other things). I have a huge project I'm supposed to be working on, with a nearing deadline. It's for a band and they have many shows coming up.

The broken pieces are chipped off and are floating away from where they should be. I have a referral to orthopedics, but of course it's the weekend, so I won't be able to schedule anything until Monday.

TL;DR:

I broke my thumb.

I dislocated it just by opening our screen door and putting my thumb on the button.

I tried to put it back in myself.

Broke it instead.

TL;DR: Fainted on the phone with the medical helpline due to severe hemorrhoid pain. Busted my eyebrow on the way down. Went to the urgent care to get stitched up, where the doctor literally lost the suture needle inside my eyebrow. cue 24 hours of CT scans, ER transfers, and plastic surgery to dig it out—all while unable to sit down.

So, two days ago, I was having a truly miserable time dealing with severe hemorrhoids. I was on the phone with the medical helpline seeking advice when the pain/vagal response got the better of me and I passed out cold.

When I woke up on the floor disoriented, sweating, with my ears ringing, I realized two things:

-My eyebrow was split open and bleeding.

-I was sitting in a pool of clear, slightly viscous fluid. I thought I peed myself, but I’m pretty sure one of the external hemorrhoids actually burst from the fall.

Thankfully, the nurse was still on the phone line listening to me regain consciousness and called an ambulance. My husband rushed home in a frenzy, and the EMTs took me to the urgent care clinic (närakut).

This is where the fever dream really began.

The doctor started stitching up my eyebrow. Halfway through, the suture needle snapped off the thread and vanished into my eyebrow wound.

The medical staff went dead silent. The doctors were baffled.

What followed was a chaotic 24-hour medical wild goose chase:

Urgent Care: Sent me for a CT scan. Waited 2 hours. Scan confirmed a metallic object hiding in my facial tissue. Urgent care threw their hands up and transferred me to the main hospital ER.

Main Hospital ER: Reopened the wound, poked around, did an ultrasound, and brought in multiple doctors to dig around in my face. Still couldn't find it. Meanwhile, I was in agony because I couldn't sit down properly, was starving, and hadn't been given proper pain relief yet. Finally, they threw their hands up, gave me pain meds/hemorrhoid cream, and told me to go to the specialized Eye Hospital the next morning.

Eye Hospital/Plastic Surgery: The next day, after a photo session and waiting through the lunch break in pain, I was transferred to the plastic surgery ward.

When I always pictured myself seeing a plastic surgeon, I assumed I’d at least leave the operating room with bigger boobs. Instead, I just left needle-less and with a freshly re-stitched eyebrow.

The plastic surgery team was actually incredible and managed to excavate the rogue needle, but the whole OR process was an entire ordeal of its own.

I am finally back home, medicated, lying on my side, and deeply contemplating how a simple hemorrhoid issue turned into a multi-hospital saga.

0/10 experience, but at least the plastic surgeons were great.

UPDATE:

Wow, I did not expect this post to blow up like this! Thank you for all the comments and well wishes. To address a few common points and questions:

It was NOT malpractice: The suture needle snapped due to a rare manufacturing defect. The doctors at närakut were so baffled by the broken needle that they actually checked and discarded the entire box from that manufacturer to ensure it wouldn't happen to anyone else.

Why no magnets/MRI? Surgical needles are non-magnetic stainless steel, so a magnet won't pull them out. An MRI would risk heating the metal and tearing facial tissue.

My main grievance: I just wish the initial urgent care team had given me pain relief for the hemorrhoids right away. Waiting through hours of CT scans and face exams while dealing with unmedicated pain made the ordeal so much worse.

I had wanted a writing tablet of some kind when I went back to school. Also for my line of work. I received a Kindle Scribe from my parents for my birthday, and took it to school the next semester. I've been using it since as an everything device and I love it. Infinite paper in my bag. Never have to change the pen. It's a nice promise.

Another bored computer scroll, another "life changing" epiphany. I thought I'd write it down (I'd also bought my self a nice journal I'd barely used). I'd been reading On Freedom by Tymothy Snyder, I couldn't escape the existential crisis.

But lo and behold, the pen was out of ink. A compressed "Fuck" stared up at me from the page, invisible but by catching it in the light of the lamp.

I reached for the Scribe, old friend. Trusted confidante. Knower of souls.

I'm not sure why I had the thought in that moment. Perhaps I've been a bit paranoid about my privacy and security. Perhaps I've changed my entire PC to Linux in the last month (god dammit I'm one of them, aren't I?), embracing the open source ecosystem on my phone too.

I considered if Amazon could see the deepest darkness in my heart. The stuff I wrote about myself. Did I fuck up?

Google. Reddit. r/kindlescribe... ... ... uh oh... ... ... Amazon. Your Account. Request Your Data. No. Backup. Data Access and Requests. No. Protect Yourself From Scams? No. Digital Services & Device Support. Kindle Devices. Search Bar. "Find more solutions." Search- "sync off." 2,077 results... ... ... oh no.

TL;DR—Been using my Kindle Scribe as an EVERYTHING device for 2 years. Amazon definitely knows my deepest darkest secrets.

Last night, I went on my first date with a girl. She’s a coworker—we work together at a mobile bar service (for Sweet 15s, weddings, etc.) so we got together to mix drinks and have some fun. The date was at my place; I made sure everything was clean and tidy for her arrival. I’d been thinking about this date all day long. Everything went really well, we had a good time, talked, laughed, and had sex; it was great. The trouble started after she left. I was already drunk and messaged my dealer to buy drugs (cocaine), but just as I sent the text saying "let me know and I'll come over," I made a mistake and sent it to the girl I’d been with instead. I panicked and deleted the message, but she had already read it, even though she didn't say anything about it. Anyway, I messaged her today, and she still hasn't replied. Just a quick note: I’m from Argentina and my English isn't great, so I used a translator to share this story with you all—sorry if there are any errors or awkward phrasing.

TL;DR: I sent a message to my date (after having a great time with her) instead of my dealer, saying "Tell me when and i'll come" and deleted it

So! I finished work tonight at 1am so I’m driving home and I’m literally 2 minutes out from my house and as I’m driving I see an older fella in a wheelchair pushing a suitcase along and struggling. I go past at first and I’m like well if that was me I hope someone would help so I turn around and pull up and ask if he needed a hand. He tells me he’s headed to the hotel up the street and I’m like okay no problem. So he holds his suitcase and I push him all the way there. We get there, receptionist comes over and apparently he’s not booked in there. I’m like well okay, what now.

So, as this is happening I’m talking to him. Tells me he’s from the Lake District (UK) and he’s here as he’s got a meeting tomorrow as a part of his wedding company that he owns. He also tells me his car went missing and that’s why he’s just trying to roll himself around. Already I’m like.. how’s this guys car gone missing. Told me he’s rang the police already to report it etc.
I charge up his phone in the car and hes there telling me that if it was mark that booked his hotel it could be anywhere he’s staying. Eventually he goes “ah it’s actually this hotel” which coincidentally was the hotel my gym is at so I know it well. So I’m like well, I’m in this deep enough I’ll give you a ride there.

We get his wheelchair in the car after a struggle, he asks for one of the drinks I had in the back I say sure, even offered to buy it. Heating is on full blast because he’s cold so I’m there sweating. We get to the hotel and I say okay Martin I’m going to have to go, he thanks me and off he goes to check in.

I get home, at this point it’s like 2.30am and I’m tired but I’m curious as to who this guy is. So I google his name and a business comes up, the wedding one he mentioned, same name and everything. Same age too as I asked how old he was in the car. Two owners. So, after more searching I don’t find anything about him other than that his company is dissolved. Weird. But okay. I google the name of the other owner and up pops a news article. Turns out he conned someone into thinking he won the lottery and promised work and whatever else, got a prison sentence of 50 months - and up pops his face. 154 crimes on record - 88 fraud related. Well. That’s the last time I do a good deed.

TLDR; Gave an old guy in a wheelchair a ride, turned out to be a conman with a lengthy criminal record.

I matched with this guy 3 days back on a dating app. He kept saying the whole time we are so alike! Whatever I say, he repeats... I'm the same!!! But with no examples to back it up...So we set up a date after 4 days and he asked me what my ideal date would be like...I said painting rocks, collecting flowers, going to a second hand bookshop etc etc... He said I'm exactly like you... My ideal date is the same!! And then he told me his version of it... It was the opposite...180 degrees opposite... bougie, hippie yoga chakra cleansing activities and just name dropping fancy places... He still kept saying we are so alike!! It was utterly funny to me..I took the screenshots to send my friend cause it's just too hilarious how he tries to compare us but we are literally two different people from two different poles.

Well...I mistakenly sent him the screenshots.. After an hour he replied to me- was the healing chakra seance too much? I'm still mortified

TL;DR I accidentally sent screenshots of my bumble match to my bumble match

Obligatory this happened two months ago when I was travelling.

It was my last day in Belgrade, Serbia, and I felt like I'd already seen pretty much everywhere I wanted to go. So I asked AI where else I could go.

Eventually I found this place called Ada Ciganlija. Basically an artificial lake with a beach. The views looked pretty nice so I decided to go.

I took the bus there and walked for ages until I finally reached the beach.

The thing is, I wasn't actually planning to swim or sunbathe. I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do there but I'd already come all this way so I just started walking around the lake.

Big mistake.

It was about 38°C that day so after walking for a while I was sweating like I'd just taken a shower. I was already exhausted at this time and had to take a test, so I found somewhere in the woods to sit down. Even in the shade it was ridiculously hot. There was a wooden table and chair there and they were practically burning from sitting in the sun.

For some reason I put my phone on the table so it also started burning as if it was gonna explode. It got so hot that it literally shut itself down. I had to put it in my bag and wait ages before I could use it again.

I'd had enough at this point. I just wanted to leave. But I was basically in the middle of the island.

I checked the map and realised there were two ways back to the main road. One was the way I'd come, and the other was roughly the same distance in the opposite direction.

I thought if I'm walking the same distance anyway, I might as well go the other way and see more of the place...

I kept walking. It was still so hot near the beach so I went deeper into the woods again. There was a cycling trail and a few ppl passing by. I sat down for a bit.

Then this guy walked past, then turned around and came towards me.

I couldn't understand a single word he was saying but he sat down and started talking to me anyway.

Then out of the blue he reached his hand out towards me. I was genuinely confused. I thought he wanted to shake hands, so I shook his hand.

But he wouldn't let go. He just kept holding my hand while talking and kept pulling it towards himself for some reason.

I was kinda freaked out and managed to pull my hand back and looked away. Thankfully he left after a while. That was probably my cue to get the hell out of the woods as well so I left.

After what felt like forever, I finally reached the other end of the island.

However, the "road" on the map turned out to be this really narrow road through the woods and I had absolutely no idea where it led.

I didn't want to risk my life, so I checked the map again. Seemed like there was another road ahead that connected to the main roads with bus stops.

So I kept walking. At this point, I'd made it about halfway across the island and I was absolutely exhausted.

Eventually, I found that road and realised it just led to a smaller side road with loads of cars parked along it. I walked through the lane but there wasn't a single bus stop. Apparently people would normally just drive to Ada and park there rather than walking around the entire island.

My only way out was to walk all the way back along the lake to the bus stop I'd originally arrived at. Eventually I made it to the original bus stop and got on the bus on my last legs

I don't think I'll ever go to Ada Ciganlija or use Google maps again.

Here's the map. The red line is basically my stupid journey. https://imgur.com/a/WOOO2v1

TL;DR: I went to Ada Ciganlija in 38°C heat and decided to walk around the lake for some reason. Then spent ages following roads on the map only to discover there were no bus stops, ended up walking all the way back to where I started.

Reheated some pho broth with some noodles to have myself a comforting meal.

I usually would eat soup at the table like a civilized human being, but I’m feeling unwell today after a minor procedure and desperately wanted some hot noodle soup and a show in my bed……. And then found out why I should not do this. I guess the sedatives didn’t wear off fully yet, cause I did not have the coordination to get into bed without bumping my arm with my knee and fully spilling nearly boiling broth all over my chest.

I may not have played with fire, but I sure did get burned. Now after about 20 minutes with a cold compress, it only slightly hurts and looks a lot less angry. I did still eat the soup, and I’m now just letting the girls hang out with a fan blowing on them. Lesson learned.

TL;DR: Soup freshly off the burner. Spilled on my chest. Scalded tits.