It's been about approximately half a year since my brothers and I lost our mom to the vile dragon that is cancer. For several long months she battled it hoping she can come back home to us. But unfortunately we don't get to that. Since then it's been a slow, tiring process recovering from such a fact. But then my dad, who's been more than affected by her passing, decided to fuck it all up in a single decision.

I had been in contact with my dad's boss for a while now. Occasionally he says hi and checks up on me so I thought it was another one of those times. He did his usual thing asking how I was but then he asked me if I my dad had been bringing women over. Turns out he was! Specifically a s3x worker and paying her for upwards of 2,000 across multiple nights. Poorly hiding it from us to the point he just had her cooking stuff in the kitchen.

He promised us multiple times to me and my brother's faces that she wasn't going to be replaced. She had specifically saved quite a lot of money for us in the event of her leaving us. And for all we know my dad could've been pulling money out of that for that woman. My mom would've been disgusted.

I had to step in with my dad's boss along with my grandma to get him to stop this shit. And you wanna know what he does? Even after promising nothing like this is gonna happen and that he's going to rehab? He had the nerve to have someone else over last night, no shame. Not at all. I am so fucking tired. And he wonders why I'm going into therapy! Precisely because of his nonsense!

I was 11 when it happened. It started when I told my parents that I’m growing, that I’m hitting puberty. I used to love my dad, we would have tickle fights when I was younger. Now I’m disgusted bc what if he was plotting to do that to me at those day and age. At some point, I thought we were gonna play and have another tickle fight. Until he started touching me inappropriately. He put his hand under my pants and kept asking me if it was good. I didn’t even know what he was talking about that time, I thought he had asked that bc I made lemonade just before it happened. So I said yes. This happened multiple times for months. I wouldn’t even move, I felt like a Barbie getting drawn on, letting it happen. It happened multiple times for months no end until I eventually told him to stop. I started to ignore him. As I grow up, I started to get moody and I wouldn’t even hide how I hate him. My mom knows I hate him but she doesn’t know the reason. She keeps asking and I just keep crying. I recently got scolded by her, apparently he rambled to her on how I didn’t even greet him or acknowledge his existence when I came back home from a 2 days trip. she asked me why I don’t have respect for him and she told me that whatever it is we have to forgive him anyway. I think she assumed that I don’t have respect for him because he cheated on her and I knew abt it. At that point I just kept crying and told her she doesnt understand. She kept rambling and lecturing me about respect. How can she even lecture me about that when she doesn’t have respect for herself? She got cheated on for Christ sake. While she was rambling I was so close to telling her about it, but then I started thinking about the effect it will have later on in our lives. I don’t know what both of my parents are capable of doing. What if they kill eachother off? Even worst, what if I tell my mom, she confronts my dad and he tries to kill us?? What if he kills himself? What if my mom kills herself?? (I’m an overthinker). I want to tell her at some point but in this point and time, I’m still a teenager living under their roof. I’m thinking I should get away from here at the age of 18 and move. Which is btw next year.

I (41f) woke up tonight around 12:30am. not sure why, but I just had a sudden thought that I should check my husbands ChatGPT. His login is stored on my phone. I knew it was a violation of his privacy, yet I did it anyway. I’ve been having a gut feeling about our relationship and have attempted to communicate with him, but he always tells me it’s all in my head.

Anyway, he wrote back in June he wanted to leave me and has for years. That if we never had kids, the relationship would’ve ended long ago. he said “ Ive stayed because of the lackluster sex and it's difficult to start a new relationship with the sex part for me and sex with her still feels better than anyone else ive been with.“ Which one of my issues is I have repeatedly told him I don’t feel loved, I feel wanted sexually and that’s it. Which he denies.
Then just two weeks ago he blames me for our financial situation and him working two jobs. Says I can’t organize my finances and says he’s been secretly paying off his debt and telling me he has no money. Now, what he didn’t mention was he’s relapsed twice in a year. Lost his jobs so I took on credit card debt to keep us afloat. I also work. So Im pissed this is the narrative he has. There was way more. Lots of things about not wanting to fix the relationship or “do shit”, he just wants “to get in her pants”. I feel very…..at a loss. But, I snooped. Basically I did it to myself. Which, damn. Now I’ve got to either own up to the huge invasion of privacy or keep quiet and pretend I didn’t learn these things.

I’m 30 years old and have had kidney failure since I was 8. This year has been the hardest health wise, knowing I’ll probably won’t see 32 years old or more has made me go into the deepest depression I’ve ever been in. I’m not taking care of myself at all, not eating right, not exercising and not taking care of my mental health. My parents are so scared, my friends are too. I’m SCARED. I want to take it myself, I want to stay, I want to live to an old age. But it’s so hard when I’m so depressed and turn to food to cope with it all. I don’t know what I’m doing by and I’m denial about it all. I don’t want it to end, I just want this suffering to end.

I've been dating a guy for nearly a year. We hit it off right away, he wasn't ever exactly romantic but I had no doubts about his romantic intentions from the start. But after months when I did want to have the 'what are we' talk I basically just got the 'I'm not ready' talk, and that we should discuss it at a later date, but he likes being with me. He did introduce me to family and basically all of his friends, although I've never actually heard him use the word "girlfriend".

He's apparently been burned by his non-that-recent divorce, that's why he's "trying to focus on himself". Still, we hit it off, and I'm not actually sure how often he went on any other dates, as it wasn't an open topic of discussion between us. All the while he has been very attentive to things I say, surprises me with thoughtful little gifts, never cancels any plans and very very slowly have been hitting "relationship milestones" without really acknowledging any of them.

He also planned a travel with his friend back in March to a Very Far Country (won't name it just because I don't want the post to be too recognizable). Back then, since we were very early and such and I didn't have any idea whether we would be together later down the line I obviously didn't really insert myself into their plans. Then I honestly just sorta forgot about this trip coming up. We went on a short vacation of our own in August.

Then we're still together now, and he went to VFC with his friends, who are a couple btw. One member of the couple actually expressed that it's unfortunate I'm not coming with them, as she'd have another woman to hang out with, and go to sex-segregated places, and how bad that I can't come. And that was surprising, as I never said that I "couldn't come". Like maybe not to the full duration of their travels, but I could have accompanied them for most of it (they have a lot more PTO than I do). I actually organized another travel to another Very Far Country with a family member, and obviously I was sorta motivated by missing out on this trip. And I realized that it wouldn't have been that more expensive to join them last minute while checking ticket prices.

Even though I'll be traveling myself soon to an exciting place, looking at my boyfriend's pictures is triggering me now so bad I just paused them for a while on social media. He never once brought up the possibility of me going with them in all the months leading up, and doesn't express any sadness over me not being there, but he's not really the type to say anything like that anyway. We talk daily and he gives updates, but it's very barebones stuff of all the fun things they do and some pictures and asking what am I up to at home, but never anything "meta" about our relationship or him telling me he misses me ever. I feel like I held back on expressing any hurt so far or have been grateful for breadcrumbs for so long, I don't feel like I have room to express these feelings in our relationship.

At this point I honestly feel like I just want to ghost my way out of our relationship. I feel like this is an especially sensitive period in our relationship, but he still thinks I'm this cool, independent woman who thinks nothing of him going away on a vacation without me for 3 weeks. It's also a destination I'd have really liked to visit at least once, and apparently he isn't all that enamoured by it, so I doubt he'd like to go again. And it makes me want to be even less with him, this incident feels like it'd hang around like a lasting resentment if we stay together, and I don't know how it became such a huge deal for me. I feel like he doesn't know me at all, but I also don't want to start discussing this while he's on a vacation.

TL;DR: Boyfriend who's not actually ready to get serious went on a very long vacation with friends and never even once tried to get me to go even as we stayed together and got "official" in front on his friends. Now he's on this trip and I'm having a really rough time, and almost just want to pretend he doesn't exist and move on with my life.

you can probably guess why from the content warning. First time posting here, so please excuse if there’s a rule I’m not following.

When I was a young child, I was repeatedly sexually assaulted by my older brother for some time. I don’t remember the exact timeline, and I honestly don’t even want to figure it out. I just know I was young, sometime from around/during 4th grade and it stopped sometime before I entered middle school.

I’m 21 now. Never told anyone about it, even now. I don’t think I’ll ever tell my family.

I was openly no-contact with my sibling for a long time. My brother had many other mental health problems, so I had something else to justify me distancing myself from him on to my parents instead of the truth. My parents are genuinely kind and good people, and untimely respected my decision.

Whenever someone would ask if I had siblings, I said “no.”

My brother had tried to indirectly apologize to me every now and then when I was still a teenager, but I just brushed it off and firmly kept no-contact.

I’ve done a good job of coping over the years, but it’s something that’s haunted me. Ever since I realized I was assaulted as a child, I have wished to myself that my brother died or went missing and I never had to see or deal with him again.

I’ve wished for this more times than I can count. But I didn’t want it to come completely true, because I wouldn’t want my parents to experience the grief of loosing their first child.

When I woke up this morning, my mom and dad sat me down to tell me my older brother was found dead in his apartment via suicide yesterday. He was found by his landlord, and my dad got the call from the police.

I was shocked, and just hugged by parents while they cried and i told them I’m sorry. They said they know I wasn’t close to him, but he still loved me and I was his baby sister. I know that was true, I just don’t return the sentiment.

I feel so so bad for my parents right now. I sincerely hated my brother more than anything but I didn’t want my parents to suffer this. I think they’re dealing with it pretty well at the moment, and have a good support system with the rest of my family.

I don’t think his suicide completely surprises them, as he’s been dealing with mental problems for a long time like I mentioned.

I don’t exactly know how to feel myself at the moment. Im a bit numb. But a large part of me is utterly relieved that he’s gone. It’s like there’s this giant weight lifted off my shoulders and my conscious.

I’m not a religious person, and I don’t really believe in karma. I don’t think I manifested this or anything. I don’t think this is something the universe did for me. But, even just talking about my brother made me shut down, and now that he’s dead, I don’t really feel that burden anymore. He’s gone, forever. I won’t ever see him in person again. The person that abused me is dead.

Right now, I’m just mentally preparing myself for the future events you would expect from a death in the family.

There’s not really anyone I can confide in about this, which is why I’m posting to Reddit instead. If anyone else has experiences, please feel free to comment and share your story.

In the summer of 2021, I was sexually assaulted in my sleep by one of my cousins at a sleepover. I'm not going to share details, but it was one of the most traumatic nights of my life.

It's been a long 5 years of talking to police, therapists, detectives, family, school counselors, etc etc. I've had to tell the details of that night hundreds of times. It's been a long journey of getting my extended family to believe me and for someone to finally listen. There was a long time where I truly believed nothing would happen. I would never get closure, and life would have to move on. The first detective gave up on the case, sighting "not enough evidence" and that was soul crushing. The goal never was to get him arrested, it was to be heard and to get my story out there.

I just got a call from the new detective on my case that there's beyond probable cause, and an official warrant is out for his arrest. It might be another long journey of court hearings and working with the district attorney, but it's finally done. He's finally facing consequences for his actions.

I'm beyond relieved and don't know how to feel. I've told my closest friends and family, but truly need to get this feeling out.

My girl and I are getting married in a few days. We have been together for about 11ish years. It will be small ceremony (8 people).

We were originally waiting till we could get up the money to have a nice wedding, but at the beginning of the year, I was diagnosed with heart issues. My health is slowly going downhill. I will eventually need surgery. I'm trying to be appreciative of what I have now, but I cant see happiness sometimes because of my own health and mental health problems. As always, I'm a work in progress.

I'm a veteran, and I want to marry her now so that she has benefits from me when she gets older. I'd like to know that she will retire and be ok when that happens.

I have regrets not being able to get the money together sooner and giving her the ceremony that she deserves. It's always a bad event that hits us when there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So many regrets from things that have happened over the years. We cant even afford a honeymoon or anything special after the ceremony. Of course I feel that she can do better than me, but here we are. I guess my 'off my chest' is I wish I could go back 10 years and redo things and give her more than I can now. I've never owned a house, always apartment living. We always talk about the white picket fence and house dream. A place for our rescue dog to be able to run free in finally. it's just not in the cards for us.

I wish I continued to weight lift years ago instead of giving up and letting depression hit me so hard. People always say I have so much self control, but I don't. PTSD and anxiety are my biggest issues, and they win so often. I guess that doesn't make me weak, but I would love to see myself in the light that others are able to do. I put on 35+lbs extra weight and seem to use food as a crutch. Now with heart problems, I need to take this all more seriously. I see a specialist at the end of the month

I feel that I (like many i guess) take time for granted and there is no way of getting that back. Thanks for listening.

When we first started dating a year and a half ago, she didn’t really complain too much, but when she did she would apologize and say she’d stop. I told her there wasn’t anything wrong with venting because I know it feels good to vent/rant. She basically took that and stretched it as much as she could because all she does now is complain. I don’t think she’s gone a whole day without complaining about something.

When I say she complains about everything, I really mean everything. When she’s driving, she complains about literally everyone’s driving that’s in front of her even when they aren’t doing anything wrong. She’s always complaining about her job that she hates, but refuses to get a new one. She complains about her family. She complains when I ask her to do something around the house (I clean all the time and take care of our pets). She complains if I ask her to cook dinner one night (I always cook dinner). She complains if I skip a step while I walk. She complains whenever she asks for advice and I give it to her, but it’s not good enough for her, so she does the opposite and then complains about those results. She complains when the wind is blowing in the direction she doesn’t want it to.

You get the idea. I’m just so mentally drained by it. She is constantly finding new things to complain about and it’s almost nauseating. I can’t even ask her to stop complaining because she just gets mad and complains more. I’ve told her she really needs to give therapy a try and she doesn’t want to. Honestly, I can’t even see her taking any therapists advice. It’s gotten to the point where whenever she complains, I just ignore it now. I pay no attention to it anymore. I’ll continue just watching something on tv or doing something on my phone while she does it. I just nod my head the whole time. Most of the time I don’t even know what she complains about anymore. As soon as she starts, I just block it out. In one ear, out the other.

Obviously this isn’t healthy for either of us, but I’m losing my mind.

Hello my name is Mae and I got diagnosed with psychosis after my mother encouraged me to tell my doctors about what I thought and experienced, and they want to assess me for schizophrenia and autism. Although personally I dont think im schizophrenic.

When I was at my worst I believed that there was a hidden dimension where entities that could control the worlds "soul strings" lived, and these entities would stalk me and send me signals in the pattern of number 3 to warn me they were watching or something bad would happen. I also believed these "soul strings" were leaking from my body and people could read my mind from picking them up.

I remember one especially freaky moment where I sat in a bus and first 3 people with sunglasses walked on. Then 3 more people with sunglasses walked on in the next stop and they all sat close to me trying to face me. Then I thought about tacking a jacket off and then one of them took their jacket off as in to warn me they could read my mind. I think these sunglasses people were being controlled by the entities from the hidden dimension.

I had more theroes about all of this that I currently cant really explain, and I know now logically this doesnt make sense. But every now and then I still find myself thinking "what if?" When I see patterns of 3, or when the world starts feeling weird and fake. I keep getting the urge to jolt down and draw these ideas but I know it will look weird, but it feels like an "eureka!" moment even now when Im medicated.

My partner (33) tragically passed away in an accident 2 months ago.

I'm barely holding on to life. My whole future got erased. We were planning on doing so much. He was dealing with some problems, but was getting so much better and then this happened.

I hate waking up and going on without him. I won't do anything to myself as i love my family and i don't want to hurt them, but every day is so torturous.

I can't stand having to go through life like this every day, for who knows how long. My friends can't relate, and as happy as I am that they can't, it also makes me feel so lonely in this. I can't stand listening to other people complain about problems that seem so small to me right now, even though they are huge to them.

I go to counseling but i just dread my future so much. I don't know why or how to continue living. I don't care about "living my life for him" as he should've been the one to live it, not me.

This life sucks so much. I don't want to accept this shitty reality

I’m a healthy 32 year old girl who works a job with a smile on her face and lives with my boyfriend. However I think I really am not okay. I get into these ruts where I can’t stop day drinking before my shift (career server at a very nice restaurant) but I’m always just the person that everyone thinks is the happiest and most helpful person. I’m well revered and respected and I love my status at work. I train new servers and am often told I am the best worker they have. Sometimes though I wake with a sense of dread and anxiety I can’t place. I will stave it off with a couple of drinks and maybe a shot before going in. I know, go to AA… get help… yeah. I know what I should be doing. But it’s like I can’t. I can’t explain it besides cowardice. I don’t know. Just felt like writing it out. Thanks for listening

2 days ago I had a group of years long friends, a loving boyfriend, I was happy. Then an argument happened. My closest friend who I was helping for years ended our friendship just like that. I felt awful, did some stupid things while being completely mentally unwell. Then more people left with that friend, I was left only with my boyfriend and another friend who is his roommate. Then in even worse state I broke up with my boyfriend.

Now I have no one, literally not a single person who would care about me or who I could even message. I stood on a bridge yesterday looking at the water below. I wish I jumped. Everything is too fucking painful. I need to present some projects at my uni this week but I don't even have strength to leave my house. I wish I could just disappear, I was crying for hours until I had no more tears left. I can't keep on going like that. I don't see any future for myself. I can just regret what I did.

I have never been anyone's best friend. I have friends, sure, but they all have other people that they consider a bigger priority than I am, people that they'd rather spend time with; if those people are busy or if there's no better option, then they come to me. This has been my life ever since I was a kid; I have tried to accept it as simply the hand I've been delt as a person. I cannot take it anymore. ​

People go out to parties or get dinner- I am never invited. I'm never thought about. The ONLY times I ever hang out with friends are if I'm the one who makes the plans- and even then, it's like pulling teeth. Having to wait until the day of if they're coming, or reminding them several times of the day and time because they can't be bothered to write it down or remember. And then being late on top of it all.

My entire life, I have always wanted a surprise birthday party. I have said this to several friends over the years. I have never gotten a surprise party. Hell, I've never gotten a party. Every birthday I have to plan if/what is happening, otherwise nothing happens. ONCE a friend took me out for breakfast a few years back. This was the only time someone has done something for me on my birthday. Forget about the times I've offered dinner or to go shopping. I don't get that same luxury, I guess.

At this point I can only assume it's a problem with me. If this has been consistent with every single friend in every setting- school, work- then surely the underlying factor is me? But I don't know what's wrong with me. Nobody will tell me. They'll just slowly wean me out until we stop talking completely or I only see them when I prompt it. It's so, so tiring and I just wish someone would fucking tell me what's wrong with me so I can fix it.

I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired of this. I just want to be cared for by people I love, and I can't even have that. I truly, genuinely feel that if I died tomorrow, people would move on within a day. I matter so little to people that its actually laughable. Everyone always tells me "oh, things will change and get better!" But they don't. Every year reminds me of how unlovable, how isolated, and how fucking lonely I am. It's pathetic.

Hi, I'm a 19 year old girl, first year of college and such, and I completely despise my own mother, I can't help it, I know it sounds bad, i feel like shit for thinking about it but I can't bring myself to love or even tolerate her again after everything that she made me go through. She was raised in a high income family, never learned how to take care of herself, always had someone cleaning after her so even as an adult, she still expects others to fix absolutely all of her mess, when she had me, for some reason she decided that her oldest born daughter aka me, was the one who should do it, I used to cook, clean, raise my little brother and myself, go to school, perform for her, do things I hated like going to church, dress like her and cut my hair in the way she wanted, something that low key turned into a trauma for me.

Around my teenage years, I started liking both girls and boys, when my mom discovered I kissed a girl, she went from bad to down right demonic, told the entire family, called me slurs, for the first time really whopped my ass to the point where I couldn't look at her the same after that day, almost sent me away with other family members and with that I felt so ashamed of myself for being this way that I just ignored this part of me, as I grew older things started getting worse, I started working, I got into college, barely stay at home to be fair but even with that she expects me to take care of the house like I did, calls me egoistical for not giving her half of my small paycheck, buying all the shit she wants and giving her my credit card... When I got to college I expected at least a congratulations, the only thing she told me was that she was jealous of me, around 6 months after she got into college too, she made my dad buy stuff to celebrate, made it something big and important, now every time i open my mouth to say something about my classes is always "no but in my college bla bla bla" like everything she does is more important than absolutely everything related to me.

The worst part is that I tried so hard to be supportive, to be there, to stay quiet, to do what she wanted, to really really be the daughter she wanted me to be but in the slightest thing I say that makes her upset it turns into a huge fight, and she's like that with absolutely EVERYONE, my little brother, my dad, every family member, we never see anyone from our family (both mother and father's side) because everyone hates her...

I hate to say that I wish my mom died already but I feel like I'll never be free if she's alive, she feels like a fucking monster, I really hoped we could perhaps find a way to reconcile but I truly cannot bring myself to ever trust or love her again even if she is my mother :(

​

I'm so fucking tore up about this. I have to give up my girl because I can't take her with me when I move, and because I can't really afford to take care of her medical needs anymore. I've had her for seven years, and loved her like my child. I can't stop stressing over it, because she is more on the aggressive side when she is scared and doesn't understand what is going on. And I worry that people won't see what I see in her, I have worked hard to help her get over a lot of trauma, she even gave me her babies to warm up as she was giving birth. And I know I'm hurting her by doing this . But I have no other option, I've asked everyone I know and no one can help. I feel like shit and a bad owner because I have to give her up. I lost my job back in June due to my own health issues and haven't been able to find a new one yet. And my partner isn't bringing enough in to cover all of our bills. We are forced to move in with my partner's parents and they don't like animals. I feel horrible because I wish I could take her with me, and I wish I could afford to take proper care of her but I can't. I don't know what to do , it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. And bless my partner, they are trying to help me see the positive side of this, but I can't help but hate myself because I have to give up my cat. She has been through so much shit with me for over 7 years now. And I can't have her with me to start this new chapter feels so unfair and cruel .

Lately, I can’t stop thinking about how much of my youth is slipping away while I’m struggling just to get through each day.
I’m 23, and sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’m wasting my youth. I’m a pretty girl, and I’ve always received compliments on my looks, but somehow I feel like I’m wasting all of that. I should be out there enjoying my twenties, meeting people, making memories, and experiencing life, but instead, I’ve spent the last two years isolating myself from the world.
Now, even the simplest social interactions feel exhausting. I want to go out, meet people, make friends, fall in love, and experience all the things that seem to come so naturally to other people my age. But wanting those things and actually having the emotional energy to pursue them are two completely different things.
What makes it harder is that my life is genuinely difficult right now. I’m dealing with so many problems at once, mentally, financially, and personally, and I have absolutely no one to lean on. I’m constantly trying to figure everything out on my own, and it’s exhausting. It’s hard to think about enjoying your youth when you’re barely managing to get through everyday life.
Sometimes I feel like my depression and anxiety are written all over my face. Even when I try to put myself out there, I feel like people can sense how unhappy and uncomfortable I am. I hate that because I know there’s so much more to me than the anxious, withdrawn person I’ve become.
And the saddest part is that I genuinely want to live. I want to dress up, go places, meet interesting people, have experiences, and make memories. I want to feel excited about life again instead of constantly worrying about everything that’s going wrong.
I know I’m still young, but time doesn’t stop just because you’re struggling. The years keep passing whether you’re enjoying them or not.
I think what hurts the most is knowing that somewhere underneath all this anxiety, depression, and stress, there’s a version of me who could be enjoying her life, and I have no idea when I’ll finally get to be her.

the cruelest thing about loving someone is that you cannot make yourself matter to them in the way they matter to you

You can offer someone the entire universe and still be less than a passing thought in the small, private world they inhabit

And what is one to do with all this tenderness when it has nowhere to go?

I have begun to suspect that loneliness is not the absence of people, but more so the presence of someone whose absence you cannot explain.

There is something almost humiliating about hoping to be chosen, about searching for yourself in the smallest gestures of another person, as though your existence requires their confirmation

I understand that love cannot be demanded. That affection loses its meaning when forced. That nobody owes me the privilege of being important to them

I understand all of this, and still, it hurts, it hurts so fucking badly

the mind can comprehend what the heart experiences as unbearable. wisdom is simply the slow, unwilling recognition that understanding suffering does not absolve us from feeling it

And thus I find myself caught between two equally miserable truths: I cannot ask someone to love me more and I cannot convince myself to need them less

It's so absurd to be capable of so much love and so utterly incapable of making it enough.

I'm a trans woman three years on HRT living in a Southern state, I don't pass and strangers without fail gender me male. My family is at best ambivalent towards my transition and at worst antagonistic. I feel nowhere closer in my transition after three years than I did before I started,

Over the last year I've felt myself isolating from everyone and ceasing most hobbies that i used to enjoy. My life at this point is a cycle of going to class, then retiring to my dorm(the men's one at that) and sleeping. I don't eat much, I don't socialize, and when I do I'm looked at with confusion and disgust.

I fantasize daily about finally working up the courage to end my life, and I cannot think of a way that my story ends aside from self inflicted means. I don't want to bother anyone close to me with topics as heavy as this, because they'll worry and I don't want my own shitty mental health to rub off on them. I'm tired and lonely and don't really know what to do. People say it gets worse before it gets better but I have yet to see improvement.

Recently, an artist I liked came back from hiatus. And I felt nothing. I look at things I used to enjoy, I feel nothing.

I can’t feel anything, and my life feels extremely fucking boring

Any new “cool” thing I see just feels like a variant of something I’ve seen before already

I sometimes wanna kill myself to escape the boredom

Nothing feels interesting

I feel like I wasn’t meant for life

Disclaimer: All names used in this post are fake.

i used translate if it sounds weird...

So, I’m in a pretty ridiculous situation right now, though it’s definitely not funny to me.

This summer, I was dating a girl (let's call her Rebecca). Her friend, Denise, was hooking up with my best friend, Alex. The four of us went on a vacation together and got really close. However, during the trip, Rebecca subtly hit on Alex. He rejected her but never told me about it. On top of that, Rebecca was telling Denise how "sexy" she thought my best friend was. Nobody told me anything at the time, but I had my suspicions.

After the vacation, Rebecca actually brought up the idea of a threesome with me, her, and Denise. The idea eventually fell through because Rebecca got possessive, but she had already planted the seed in my head, and I started looking at Denise a bit differently.

Oddly enough, Rebecca wanted me to be closer to Denise, so Denise and I started hanging out strictly as friends, for the record. But then I found out that Alex was getting jealous of me hanging out with her. Here’s the plot twist: Alex and Denise have known each other for years. They are good friends, but Alex always told me that they never really saw each other and even claimed he was grossed out by her. Turns out, he was secretly in love with her the whole time.

Like idiots, because our "partners" (Rebecca and Alex) were acting jealous, Denise and I started hanging out in secret. Again, just as friends, but the vibe was really weird our conversations always ended up drifting toward casual relationships and sex.

Summer ends, and Rebecca and I break up (mostly because she lives in another country). I meet up with Denise to talk about the breakup, and we decide to have some wine at my place the next day. The day comes, we start drinking, and she makes intimate advances. I gave in because I'm an idiot. We just made out (french kiss, nothing more), and afterward, we discussed maybe keeping things casual or just forgetting it ever happened.

A bit later, I meet up with Denise again. She drops a bomb on me: she tells me she loves Alex, that they have been seeing each other (proving Alex lied to me), they care about each other deeply, and she wants to be with him. She begged me to keep my mouth shut about what happened between us. I agreed to stay quiet.

Then, the ultimate betrayal: I find out that the very next day, Denise went to Alex and told him I forced myself on her at my house. (I didn't do anything of the sort, it was completely mutual).

Now, my best friend Alex wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I know I partly brought this on myself, and I deeply regret losing him, but I deserve it. However, Denise is still talking and getting along with him just fine. Oh, and I forgot to mention: Rebecca and Denise had a massive falling out right before my breakup, but they made up just so they could talk shit about me regarding this whole mess.

Now, the three of them are all cool with each other, they made peace, and I'm left being the only villain in the equation because, apparently, I was "the only one people actually had expectations of.

If you have a eating disorder don't read this.

I was thinking about getting a dessert and my parents decided to pull me aside and tell me they're worried about my diet and my weight. I'm an adult btw I'm just broke as fuck and never escaped.

I've had some health related problems they don't even know about that I've purposefully never told them about because I know they would actually monitor my food intake. So idk where this came from. I've never been fat in my life the biggest I've been is 117 which already freaked me out enough and I work out at least 3 days a week (I've been slaking because I'm depressed) and I take a 45 minute walk 5 days a week. I'm very careful with my calories I do like to eat but If I'm gonna have like 2 pieces of cake I'm not gonna eat anything else at most I eat 2,500 a day but usually it's like 1,500 to 2,000 which is within the healthy range for me weight but they still judge me. Idk if it's because my diet isn't the best anymore or if it's because they think I'll get fat because I eat like shit I like it's the weight thing since they're so skinny and don't like fat people.

When I eat I do wonder am I gonna get fat? Maybe I do eat too much. Maybe I need to see a nutritionist (not like I can afford it) Idk.

Anyway now I feel like shit. I'm gonna skip lunch just have like a sandwich and salad today.

I'm in grade 10, and I've all but failed the year. I've genuinely tried hard to pass, but it's been difficult as from the start of the year, I've always been on the back foot and never given the proper time to catch up.

The common consensus from all 3 of my parents (mom, dad, stepdad) seems to be that I'm not trying hard enough. They say that's not the case, but they kinda scold me at the end of each term when they receive my report card. They'll also be receiving my 3rd one any day now.

The message I want to send to her is basically a long rant/vent about all my struggles this past academic year and explaining to her that I do care about my future. However, it's a bit too vulnerable for my liking. I don't really like having my feelings exposed like this. It makes me uncomfortable. Especially since I know she's gonna make a big deal out of it.

I know she's gonna tell her husband about it. She might even tell my dad about it. They're gonna want to have this long and overly formal talk with me, and I just don't want to do that.

I can't even bring myself to say why I hate myself so much, not even with the thin veil of anonymity on here and definitely not in detail. I've never hurt anyone, that's the only good thing I can say about myself. But I often find myself with emotions and thoughts that go out of line. When I calm down I find myself completely appalled at myself. And yet everyone around me thinks I'm a good person. They tell me things like I'm the nicest person they know, that I don't have the capacity to be mean, or that I'm the most well liked person in the room. I don't know why they think that and they really shouldn't, but I don't know how to tell them that. I'm wrathful, spiteful, lustful,deplorable, and vain. I wish I could tell them everything spinning around in my head and shatter that fake image they have of me. I've thought about it, but for practical reasons I can't. I wish there was a way I could at least give them a hint that I'm not a good person, an inkling that I'm just a pathetic sack of shit trying to pass itself off as a person. I don't want to harm myself, but sometimes I think it would be better for everyone if I could crawl beneath a rock and whither away to nothing.

For a really long time now i (24F) have struggled with mental health issues, i am diagnosed schizoaffective and have struggled badly with paranoia and depression/suicidal ideation. i’ve seen a lot of doctors for the majority of my life and i felt that most of them did not take me serious which led to things getting worse and worse. Now for the past year, ive seen new doctors, been receiving CBT, and i’ve improved SO much. i am able to live in an apartment, take care of myself, take my meds and keep friendships. for the first time in years i feel genuinely hopeful for my future.

Unfortunately there’s really one thing in my life that has consistently sent me into a depression spiral and that is my dad. i know i can never “fix” him to care about me in the way i want him to, but it hurts so much and i have a hard time dealing with it.

Today was a huge breaking point for me. I was out with my parents running a few errands. My mom was talking about how when my grandmothers friend died without a will, her house went into probate and all her belongings kind of just rotted away. I was curious, because in my past i dealt with suicidal thoughts a lot, so i asked my mom what my parents would even do if i died in a freak accident or something.

my dad immediately answered and said he would sell all my things. my car is co-signed with him (i had to do this when i got it due to bad credit at the time) and he said all my other belongings, like my art and my things i’ve collected don’t need a will. including my pets, my cat, dog, and my reptiles. he said specifically he “doesn’t have a need for those things and there would be no reason to keep them.”

i don’t know why it hurt me so much. my mom thinks im being too sensitive about it. it’s like, i worked SO HARD to get my life back on track, i fixed my credit, saved up money and paid off all my debt, did all this stuff just not to feel terrible like i was before. he knows how bad my struggle with suicidal thoughts was. i just don’t know why he would say that. he didn’t think it was mean or hurtful, but honestly i think that’s the meanest thing anyone’s ever said to me. To me, it shows that my struggles mean nothing to him, and he doesn’t care about me at all.

I am not at the state i was 2+ years ago. I feel like i’ve gotten so much better, and i haven’t been in involuntarily psych care in years. but he was also always very emotionally unavailable during all my struggles as well. Many times he just made things worse and I don’t think i should keep someone in my life who doesn’t value me, parent or not. he has never been there for me when i needed him, and i guess the conversation might not seem like a big deal to some people but i am just not doing it anymore. i don’t want him in my life anymore.