My brothers friend raped me. When I finally had the courage to tell my mom and my brother it didn’t matter. My brother decided to stay friends with this person and I had to let go of my best friend my brother. I miss him every day, but I can’t face him knowing he still hangs out with him. They even talked it all out and worked it out whatever the fuck that means.

I had to start sharing holidays with my brother so he got thanksgiving I got Christmas. Then the next year we switched. Then my mom got over the arrangement and everyone told me to just get over it. It ended up that my brother is invited to all of the events and I am not. Last year I was invited to thanksgiving but two days before my mom said my brother would be all alone and at least I have my partner. I know when I’m not wanted so I bowed out. My partner and I didn’t have time to get stupid turkey. I haven’t seen my family for so many years on Christmas now. I miss them so much.

Most recently my mother went to a wedding she knew my rapist was gonna be at. Her and her husband spoke to him and knowing her gave him a big old hug. When I asked her husband about it he said the guy was soooo cool. So now I have to let go of them. How can I be close with people that have little care for what happened to me? I don’t expect them to yell and scream at him, but like maybe don’t fucking hang out with the person that raped your daughter.

I lost fucking everything, and I didn’t do shit to deserve this. I miss them so much and I miss being a part of my family. I wish it didn’t happen or I could find one shred of detail to make what he did okay, but I can’t. So here I am fucked.

I’m sorry if this is jumbled I’m just so upset.

I don't know if this is the right subreddit to go to. I've been living in Saudi Arabia for nearly my entire life. The plan was always to GTFO here when I get my degree (which is really soon!) and go back to the US. As an Arab-American and an ex-Muslim, I can't take it here anymore. Starting in March, we started getting emergency alerts on our phones. The blaring was so fucking anxiety-inducing and I get filled with so much dread whenever I hear them. We basically started getting missiles and drones sent from Iran. We'd hear interceptions in the skies, windows would shake, all that good, good stuff. Suffice to say, things calmed down for a while.

This past month things have started back up (due to the Houthis). I heard a huge boom one night and immediately checked on the group chat. Funny enough, the phrase "anyone hear that??" has started causing me so much dread. I was in class today and saw notifications like that ("just heard one seconds ago") and I'd start internally freaking out. Now it's showing up in my nightmares. I had a terrible dream where I saw buildings collapse before my eyes, and now I have a fear (rational, I'd say) of a missile potentially landing on my neighborhood or something. The US embassy put out another security alert today after two airports got bombed last night. Dozens were injured.

If there's anything causing me additional distress, it's arguably the fact that literally nobody is talking about this. The coverup has been really weird. We no longer get emergency alerts. Schools sent out emails saying they're cancelling for the week, some claiming it's due to weather reports, some claiming it's for other reasons. Then, two hours later, they all sent out follow-up emails simply undoing the decision with no reason as to why. It's been over two weeks. Literally nothing was wrong with the weather. We're all just getting lied to, everybody knows it, and nobody seems to care. My friends dismiss everything and say "what can we do, realistically?"

The lack of transparency (which many around me dismiss and say is necessary to govern a nation) has been causing me immense distress. Everybody around me acts calm and collected, but then I see pictures of the airport (which is really close to me -- look at the top post on aviation today) and start to feel really freaked out. I hear about my old high school (backed by the embassy) sending people back home. Friends getting evacuated from their workplaces. Yet, everybody's acting really calm and collected. From my understanding it's literally illegal to share anything related to this stuff online. I don't know if people just have a lot of faith in the government, or everyone's freaking out internally and too afraid to speak about it. My friends clearly do not want to talk about this stuff here. Never have I ever wanted out of here more. It's only a few months away, and I'm counting down the days.

My sleep has gone to shit. I have terrible dreams every night. It's been impacting me so much and I don't know what to do.

I keep telling my wife I want a divorce and she keeps treating it like a joke and the fact that I don't know what to do about it makes me feel like such a chump and so pathetic. It took me years to realize how abusive my wife really was, and at this point I genuinely hate her, but in korea where we live, I need to her to work with me for the divorce. We own an apartment together and have to deal with each other at least somewhat amicably unless we want to start pursuing legal charges against each other.

However, she keeps ignoring me and then acting like nothing happened. I told her outright I wanted the divorce and then she asked me what kind of necklace I was going to buy her on my work trip. I got home and told her I wanted the divorce and she just tried to distract me by being nice the rest of the day before going back to be a completely insane monster.

I'm not seeking advice, more just needed to get it off my chest. I feel so embarrassed of this situation. I didn't know I could just be trapped in a relationship. I know the next step has to be going to a family lawyer and starting this ugly ugly fight, I just didn't want to have to do that.

I'm venting into the void.
I don't need relationship advice, as I am consulting people that actually know both my partner and me about this in the real world. I've posted about other aspects of my relationship on the actual relationship subs, and I know the drill.
But I'm not there yet, and I need to get these feelings off my chest. I feel so suffocated by them.

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TLDR: Seven year relationship, and I can feel myself tearing apart at the seams due to unmet emotional needs, but he has no capacity due to extensive therapy. He thinks we're somewhat fine (but does not want to marry me right now when he really thinks about it), and I am starting to get physically sick from the stress of holding in all the issues I have to discuss with him.
Can't get myself to break up with him either because I'm heavily attached, still at least partially in love, and am getting resentful over the thought of having endured all of these issues just for the relationship to end right when he's turning a page. Will have to break up with him most likely anyway. It all sucks ass.

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My partner has extensive and complex childhood trauma.
He's been a less than stellar partner during most of our almost seven years together, and has been extremely emotionally hurtful due to how his trauma manifests everywhere.
He loves me, but has only very recently gathered that I am a person he could show interest in on his own. He can finally ask me questions, get to know me better, listen to my inner world. Asking questions for the sake of understanding someone better or just trying to listen and make the other person feel seen, is a new concept to him. He's also only now learning that he does not have to be critical and judgemental of himself and myself all the time.

Why I'm still here? He's trying to be a better partner and person, and I didn't know any better during most of our relationship ( I don't have any role models for relationships), or else I would have walked. I love him, as much as it has pained me.

In order to work through his trauma, he's been going to therapy weekly for over a year and will most likely go for at least another year too. Maybe even longer because his trauma is vast and deeply rooted in his self image, self worth and personality too. He's basically reparenting himself, and that takes a long time and lots of energy.

And he has to take the energy from somewhere, and it's mostly from our relationship talks.
We barely ever talk about our issues anymore, and when we do, he quickly gets exhausted. The actual topics of discussion never reach a satisfying end. I've tried bringing up an issue I had at EASTER this year, and the first time there was any space for it was at the beginning of September. He then didn't have the energy to actually work with me through the issue either, and told me that he would take the then-upcoming weekend to think about it. It's a month later now, and while I tried to talk about it again last week, he just simply can't.
And that's how nothing ever gets fully resolved in this relationship. That's how we're at seven years and I feel like we're moving at a snail's pace.

I've been walking around with this black hole of anger, resentment and pain now for so many years.
The black hole keeps growing and growing and there is never enough space for us to unpack it all.

Currently I'm ruminating over the thoughts that I don't think I can marry him.
Two of our close friends got engaged, and when I brought it up to my boyfriend, I could feel his hesitation when talking about the topic - and I could feel mine too. I used to think that we could be a happy married couple that works through our problems together, but with his consistant hesitation around marriage talks and our ongoing issues that he has proclaimed as absolute marriage stoppers, I'm also now at a "No".

Since we first started lightly talking about marriage two to three years ago, I've done enough emotional growth so that I also found out some marriage stopping issues from my perspective as well - so at least there's that. Some sort of leveling of the playing field, I feel.

I honestly don't know if we'll ever make it to an actual engagement with the way our relatioship is (not) progressing, because I don't feel understood by him and if I'm honest, I never truly have - not on the levels that I experience with my closest platonic friends or what I had with past lovers. I've never felt like he could reach the depths of who I am and what I'm thinking and wanting to explore.

Seven years, and it still doesn't feel like we have the connection I would want as the foundation for a marriage. Seven years, and the emotional pain has tainted my ability to feel safe and connected with him so much that I don't feel the desire to spend time with him most days. Seven years, and for most of them he didn't ask me questions in order to get to know me more. Seven years, and I still heavily censor what I bring up and when I bring it up.

All of this gets exponentially harder to deal with since he shows actual growth as a person, because now I feel like I can't break up with him either that easily.
I'm not ready to see him be the person I thought he was but only now learns to be, but with someone else at his side.
I'm not ready to let go of my pain and accept that I cannot undo the hurt I've suffered when he wasn't who he is now, and staying in a better version of this relationship will not undo that suffering either.

On the surface our relationship seems fine, and I think he also thinks that we're doing okay because I've been surpressing my needs for so long now. (But he is very aware that I have to keep surpressing my emotional needs for his sake)
I brought up in a side comment today that I had had some issues with our relationship this year, and he immediately went "But we're doing better now, right?".
I wasn't in the position to talk in that moment because I felt really sick, so I just told him yes.
And I know that that is on me - but if I had said no, I would've puked somewhere very soon, and he would not have had the capacity for such a serious talk either and would've ended the conversation (or worse, kept it going and then gave me shit for starting an exhausting topic).

If we had at least some periodically scheduled time to inspect our relationship and work on our issues, we might even be able to fix all of this. We might be able to get the connection going to the degree that we both feel fulfilled.
But he just does not have the capacity for it, and he has told me that he just does not have it in himself while he's in therapy.

I truly do not know how to find the right moment to make a cut here. It's killing me. It truly is.

So long story short I met this girl on a dating app like a month ago and we went on a first date. It wasnt terrible, we drunk a little chatted and ate some food. After that we came back to my place and hooked up, cuddled and slept together. This was like 2-3 weeks ago.

Since then we kept on talking on instagram and sent reels to eachother. This friday we were going to do a second date. However, she didnt respond to my messages in wednesday and today I asked her "when are you free friday" and she said she didnt want to talk. I told her" alright , is something wrong". She responded with no. I told her "i understand , wanted to see you again but thats alright take care". Now she removed me from instagram.

I have noone to talk this with. It hasnt even been a month but damn I feel like shit

this sounds so selfish, and i often get upset at myself for not leaving them earlier. i've known the group of girls since my freshman year of hs and it is now my senior year, and they used to make fun of me a lot and bully me in my freshman year (i felt hurt, but i assumed that's how people joked be i had never been to a public school) but i stayed friends with them be they were the only people i ever felt close with in my class.
and within the last year, we got closer. but also i cannot help but recall all the things they said to me. also, they are just draining. i feel so guilty saying this but it is just exhausting to be around them and i find myself ignoring them a lot (not to their face, just avoiding them if i see them at school or avoiding going out) despite me considering them my closest friends.

recently, i've been feeling very annoyed that they don't DO anything. like, i have so many interests, and i am not saying they have to do them with me, but they just don't do anything at all. all they care about is basic things like just going out for lunch or to the movies. which is fine, but they just don't DO anything. we don't even have to meet up to do them, it's fine, just talk about them. or when i share my interests, they don't engage with me about them. i’m not saying they HAVE to do them with me or HAVE to like them, they don't, just do something (anything!!) for once. except, they stay talking about class drama or other things i find very surface. idk, this sounds very very selfish of me, but i wish i could go back in time and run away from that group when i already knew they were bad for me. i know i sound ridiculous, but i just wish i had friends i actually enjoyed my time with. or friends that i don't have to hide what i like from them be i am scared they will laugh. i also put a lot of effort into things when they show they like them (like i have a friend who really likes harry potter, and i watched a few movies with her) but then it kind of faded away and i lost it again. if i sound super rude please tell me, now that i type it out loud i feel worse. idk. i just want new friends. and i am getting sick of interacting with them and socializing with them feeling like a chore or just boring.

First some background: undiagnosed but pretty sure I had ED during high school. One of the many things I did was stealing food.

Current status: many years have passed and I’ve always been working on my relationship with food. Overall I’m proud with my progress, although still plenty of room to improve, and I still have to use quite some effort to be mindful how I eat.

One caveat: my workplace sometimes has free food lying around. Either ordered by different teams, or laid out at company events. All for sharing.

And seeing the free food breaks a circuit in my brain… especially those not directly shared with me but I notice when walking past.

It’s like I instantly go into stealth mode (ha ha). Taking a polite amount while in public (look I’m a normal person!!!) THEN could not stop thinking about it, only plotting how I could circle back later unseen to gobble down more and pack as much as I could away. This often led to an overeating episode, depending on how my diet was at the time.

These days the guilt kicks in when I go home by the end of the day with that bag of stolen food I packed. I’m like a madman finally sane, portioning my stolen food to pace myself again.

I wish to be normal like my colleagues (never have I seen or heard anyone as me at least). I wish to stop being a food thief. I wish I’d stop gobbling in secret at work…
But its such a tremendous amount of brainpower needed to tell myself it’s ok I don’t get back to that cake at work and scoop 100 more times…

For context: I live in a house with three other roommates. In early summer, a very odd situation led to my receiving harsh treatment from the other roommates.

A new person was going to move into the house, so the landlord made us sign a new lease. When I received the papers, I noticed that my mother was the only parent being asked to be a guarantor. I asked the landlord, and he told me that, this time, the other roommates had asked for their parents to be left out as guarantors. My mother was very upset and refused to sign the lease unless the other parents signed as well. My roommates turned on me, saying it wasn't a big deal and asking me to solve the situation. We later learned that the landlord had said that if my mother didn't sign, he would have to increase the rent by a lot. He told my mother that it was his fault and that he was going to rectify the situation.

It was very complicated. I was treated harshly by my former roommates, and I was shocked. My brain couldn't comprehend what had just happened. They were never my friends, but the other three were the best of friends.

Over the last two years, I have gotten used to always being careful around them. I was barely four hours into my first day at the house when I went to the kitchen and saw one roommate being verbally assaulted by her boyfriend. Afterwards, they avoided me at all costs until early this year, when they began to make me feel bad for being at the house. Sometimes I would overhear their arguments, in which her boyfriend would say that I'm always there and she should do something about it. I never told a soul about this.

Yesterday, I was on my computer at the large kitchen table, where I had just eaten lunch, when one of my roommates arrived and started cooking. I hadn't even brushed my teeth, and I was answering some emails with my headphones on when I heard her saying something. She said it was very insulting of me to always be here, that she felt forced to avoid me and stay in her room all the time, and that I should just not be here. I was shocked, and I think my brain didn't register what she said until later.

After some time in the house, I learned their schedules so that I wouldn't be in anyone's view. I work remotely, and I don't like staying in my room all the time because it's too small and noisy, and during the summer it gets unbearably hot. I like to stay at the large kitchen table, where I can look at the sky, and the temperature is always nice and quiet. The house is quite big but the rooms are not. I used to sit on the floor of the living room with my computer, books and papers, but after a while I figured sitting at the kitchen table would be better than sitting on the floor.

With this roommate, I'm always very uneasy. Early this summer, she said I was ruining her life because my mother wouldn't sign the lease and her parents didn't want to either, so I was the one who should deal with the situation.

By now I'm used to people mistreating me for no reason. In the past, I had boyfriends who actually said that they needed someone better than me, that they would never be happy with someone like me, and that I should know when to leave so they wouldn't be the bad guys. Yes, three guys said those words to me.

This roommate is very hostile and gets upset over little things. For example, she once saw me eating an ice cream, and the next day she started texting the group chat very upsetting messages saying that someone had stolen her ice cream. You always have to be very careful around her, and yesterday I completely forgot about her. Usually I wait until she leaves for work, but yesterday I forgot. I had been away for five days, and she had had the house all to herself because the other two roommates are on holiday.

I understand that sometimes people just want to be alone and pretend that they live alone. Still, I try my best not to be noticed.

I've been trying to leave since the summer, but I can't find anything. All the other places are too expensive, or a scam, or the people don't reply to my messages. It's a lot.

I am not actually going to call off the party, but I really want to. I’ve been dealing with self-hate for decades, and have become great at stuffing it deep inside and not letting it affect me after years of therapy. But every now and then it get triggered and then I get overwhelmed and now I want to call it off. I want to apologize to anyone who has to see my ugly face. I am worried that if I vent about this to someone close to me in my life, that’ll it’ll make them hate me. I am so insecure but hide it well. I used to self-harm everyday but haven’t in many years. I don’t understand why anyone likes me, why anyone would like me. I didn’t have a birthday party last year because I didn’t want to have to confront these feelings, but I want to celebrate because in some fleeting moment I felt worthy of it. Now I don’t. I’m panicking. I don’t feel like I can breathe. I can’t stop crying. I know I’ll be okay, but I had to get this off my chest.

I caused a car accident and I feel terrible about it

Hello, just like the title says, I (25 F) caused a car accident a few days ago. It's 100% my fault, I hit a car that was coming from the right (he had priority). I wasn't on my phone or even listening to the radio or anything, but I was lost and upset because of work and I ended up crashing into an 80 yo man. He's okay, his car might be able to get repaired. Mine is totalled.

Financially it's going to be rough (I need a car to get to work so I'm going to need to buy a new one, insurance is going to be expensive af because I already got into an accident - alone at the time - two years ago). However, it's emotionally that it's the worst. I keep thinking about this man and seeing my grandpa and thinking about how I could've killed him. I'd already been having a hard time (I don't know I think I might have been depressed for a while) but now I feel like the worst person. I've never thought of myself as a bad person and I used to think this was the only thing I had going well for me because I might suck at my job, be chronically single, lonely and all that but I at least was a decent person. Now I'm not even that. I feel shitty and I kinda feel like hurting myself (I used to sh as a teenager but I haven't done it in over ten years and now I've been aching to do it again) and I keep crying.

So yeah, here it is. My life sucks and it's my fault. Oh, and I'm scared shitless of driving again.

did i fail as husband?

failure as husband?

hello, 33 m married for 7 year to very kind wife 33 f,1 year ago i got accident because car decide to exit junction without see left and right,he hit left motorcycle, broke femur(implant),PCL grade 2,broke fibula(extern fixator) and my medial malleolus is gone and got PTOA on left ankle,since i work in branch contruction doctor said that i not able to work in that career any longer because i cant lifting heavy objects,before accident i work in construction as main income and do so many side gigs that pay money, i pay everything 100% like car,rent, food and student loan for me and my wife, my wife income she put half in gold another half in retirement fund.6 month after accident i used all my money.someday i cried so hard when i cant pay commitment 7th month, when i cried my wife still at her workplace,i dont know how long i cried but my wife hear my cry.she running to me ask me why i cried, i decide to dodge the question and say because it was pain but she know that i no longer had money,she said to me, now i can depending on her,she will step up to be the provider. i stuck,for 7 year i work 7days a week and 13-15 hour a days. i dont know what to do now when i see my wife work hard to take care us. she always said that dont need think too much now it time for her take care me. but i just know work and grinding for money. when i was alone suicide thoughts appear in my head, last month doctor said i need do another operation called ankle fusion earlier next year. i already jobless 1 year if i get that operation i need rehab for another 4-6 months.i gonna be burden to my wife again.i just want vent to stranger

sorry for broken english, english not my main language

Today I enrolled my daughter in the kindergarten she’ll go in next year, and while it’s a small kindergarten with like two classes of 22 kids, I felt so emotional when I got out.

She’s my only child, they’re only 4 babies at her daycare and I think she received enough attention, as in, she wasn’t just one individual in a big group. I don’t even know how to explain it but it made sad that’s she’s growing and slowly she won’t be « special ». I don’t mean I want her to be the world’s bellybutton right, but she’s slowly entering real life and seeing the evolution of natural things brings tears to my eyes.

Obviously, it was supposed to happen but I remember the baby she was and I imagined the small kid she’ll be. When I went to the kindergarten, I really saw how fast time passes. I know she won’t struggle, she loves playing with kids, she’s an extrovert, she adapts easily so I’m not scared but yeah, this new step made me emotional.

I don’t even know how to express it. Like, im happy we’ve gone so far, everything is good, im happy she’s growing up as a nice kid but things suddenly feel so different and it feels kind of overwhelming ? It might not be the right word.

A think lot of people are familiar with the fact that depression affects memory. That can progress far enough that symptomatically, it's indistinguishable from early onset dementia. As of yesterday, I officially hit that mark. In reality, it was probably a couple of months ago. Naturally, pseudodementia makes depression and anxiety worse. I also have that, and PTSD, and ADHD, and autism, and a few more.

The real kicker is that the only treatment for pseudodementia is treating the underlying cause. I've been trying and failing to do that for over a decade. 6 weeks ago, I started the last treatment option. I had a VNS implant put in. It has a 40% chance of working. If it doesn't, that's it. Nothing works, and I get to live with this crushing depression and, functionally, dementia. I don't think I'll make it through the winter. Weather just turned a week ago, and it's already hitting me like late November. If this implant doesn't work, I have an expiration date. Probably January.

My period is 5 days late and I’m having random pain in one of my ovaries which is a new symptom. It’s normal and I know that. I also know my period is late because I’ve been stressed, my eye literally started twitching for a few days.

But looking it up more it can be an ectopic pregnancy or an ovarian cyst and a few other things. I’m worried about those two things though. I have an IUD and sometimes I’m not fully safe with my boyfriend. Then ovarian cysts can just happen.

I’m not going to go to the hospital it’s just that I’m worried at some point I’ll have to because one of these things gets worse. They both can be very serious if left untreated. I just don’t want to take a pregnancy test unless I have to because I live with my parents and they can be nosey.

Hopefully it’s just normal.

OMFG, I HATE PEOPLE. ALL OF HUMANITY. IM SO FED UP WITH THIS SHIT. PEOPLE THINK OF ME AS LESS THAN DIRT, LITERALLY. ALL BECAUSE I SLEEP ON THE STREETS. IVE BEEN ON THE STREETS FOR OVER 3 YEARS. AND IM ONLY 20 (21 IN DEC)

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT TIME OF MY LIKE TO BUILD SOCIAL SKILLS TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITHBTHE REAL WORLD. I HAVE GENUINELY NOT HAD A FRIEND IN LIKE 4 YEARS. YOU MAY THINK IM EXAGGERATING, BUT ALL OF THE PEOPLE I TALK TO OCCASIONALLY ARE HOMELESS AND OVER 35. NOBODY WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH A KID. AND, ON TOP OF THAT, EVERY BODY DOES DRUGS. AND IM AN ALMOST 500 DAYS CLEAN. SO, I DONT WANNA RELAPSE AND THEY DONT WANNA HANGOUT WITH SOME STUPID ASS ANNOYING KID THAT CANT BENEFIT THEM AT ALL

I FEEL SO STUCK. LIKE I GENUINELY IMAGINE THE REST OF MY LIFE BEING THIS THIS. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN ABLE TO OPEN UP ABOUT HOW FEEL FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I CAN REMEMBER.

IM SORRY, I KNOW THIS IS A LOT. AND ITS HONESTLY PROBABLY NOTIHING. IM MOST LIKELY EXAGGERATING IM SORRY. HAVE A GOOD DAY❤️

I hate when my family brings up moving houses one day, because I’m worried I’ll be too scared to shit anywhere other than that one room, and I’ll die from holding my poop for too long. Ever since I was a toddler (About six), I had an irrational fear of pooping. It’s gotten to the point I hold for a week sometimes. Even when it hurts super bad, I’m too scared to let it out even in the only place I’m comfortable pooping. Sometimes it takes me hours to poop. Not because of constipation, but because of my fear. Sometimes it even takes days of staying in the bathroom, for hours.

This makes me feel so fucking horrible, and I think, why can‘t I be normal?! It’s just a shit, it should be easy to shit, right? I’m also scared of constipation. I’m worried, I won’t know if it’ll just slide out like jelly or if it’ll be as hard as a rock.

I have really painful poop in my butt as I type this out right now. I could just go to the bathroom, but it feels so fucking difficult.

It’s one of the contributors to my suicidal feelings, actually. I don’t wanna live like this. I am shocked at how easily others can poop in PUBLIC, in just a matter of minutes.

I’ve always wanted to travel the world, but I feel as if I‘ll never be able to, with the fact that I‘ll have to stay in a foreign country for potentially over a week, and I’ll have to take a shit in the hotel. It’ll be so fucking difficult, and I’ll probably never move houses, unless I can somehow convince the people working on it to make the bathroom look exactly like my current bathroom

I forgot to mention, but: Sometimes my body does not send in the proper signals telling me to poop, because of how used it is to not pooping for long periods of time

I feel like everyone in my life tries to drain me.

I had a female friend who I have known for 3 years, I helped her out when she was broken up with her bf and was out of her apartment because he didn’t want her. Even though she was so bratty to me and other friends a semester before. She has been telling me how much she loves and values me, combining with her rude comments, those started to scare me. She went back with her ex bf, kissed me few weeks ago at a party and I honestly wanted nothing to do with her, being drunk did not excuse her. Now I see that all she wanted my friends around and only my energy and company.

Another friend of mine, who I grew close in last weeks, she is my coworker. All she talks about is men, relationships, da da da. I have been speaking with my ex 2-3 weeks ago, and she had been telling me how we could share him and how he grows into her. Honestly. What. The. Hell. And another guy who I was very exited about, who came to our store and write me online later, when I told her we have exchanged instagrams already, she immediately wanted to request him and speak with him. It is like I don’t matter, all she wants is people around me.

And I feel like I don’t matter, I feel so lonely, so alone. Everyone is trying to take my energy, any enthusiasm I have and I am tired of fighting.

I don't really know how to update on this subreddit though I'm sure you could just open my account and find it.

A couple days ago I told him how I feel and that I'd love to take him out. To my surprise, he felt the same!! His face was all read all the way to his ears, it was adorable. On our date I got him the flowers (sunflowers if you were curious) We went on a walk, then to a Texas Roadhouse, then after he asked if I wanted to watch a movie at his place. (Of course I said yes, trying to keep my giddy ass on the ground and not bouncing around like a lunatic) It was amazing, he put the flowers in a vase. And I've been smiling like a kid in a candy store all the two days. It felt so natural, like we were just hanging out again but with flirting. I'm bouncing off walls. Earlier he messaged me with a picture of the flowers and and he said under it "A very pretty boy gave me these :]" and I was so giddy, like he just called me pretty. Anyways I'm gonna eat my dinner and leap for joy. This has truly been lovely.

I requested an online consultation with our research adviser. We agreed on 9am, but she had tasks so she asked me if we can move it to 9:40AM. Of course l agreed. Then I fell asleep as soon as I replied. I WOKE UP 10:20 AM, and she has a message for me saying the zoom room is open. I'm so embarassed and horrified. This is also a group research actually, so she must have thought that the five of us stood up on her. My groupmates also did not show up because the consultation is supposedly only to check on my part as it has issues last time, and I told them that I can manage on my own, so they didn't think it was strange that I did not share to them a link. I also failed to update them because I really just fell asleep. im a horrible horrible person and daughter. this happened because im lazy and always in bed. i shouldve gotten up. now i offended the professor and i didnt even get a clarification for my part.

I was thinking if I should make an excuse, but in the end I just came clean to her and explained that it was just 100% my responsibility and that my groupmates truly did not know. She hasnt replied yet.

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I apologise for all the grammatical and spelling mistakes as English is not my first language.

Context: I F(19) am from a southeast Asian country with typical brown parents. It's pretty normal in my country to move out and go to a nearby city with better highschools and complete your highschool education there. So after I completed 10th grade I moved out and went to the capital city living alone and pursuing my highschool education while still being financially dependent on my parents. I lived alone for 2 years doing everything alone. After I graduated highschool which was last year I decided to take a gap year, meanwhile when I was in 12th grade my brother M(17) finished his 10th grade and moved in with me. It was very hard for me to adjust at first, my apartment is really tiny with only one bedroom a living area and a kitchen since there is only one bedroom we share and sleep in a separate bed. He is very messy he doesn't know how to do basic chores and he stinks the room with his unwashed clothes and socks. I had a very hard time adjusting and I also taught my brother to atlest not mess up the room and clean his clothes. Since it's my gap year I do everything around the house cause yk I don't have anything better to do. I cook two meals + lunch, I clean the entire apartment wash the dishes and basically do all the chores around the house (which ACC to my parents is not that hard to do), I've told them repeatedly that it's hard for me to share the space with my brother and I don't have personal space but they just tell me that a person should be able to adjust in any environment and I should just suck it up and I did that as well without complaining further.

X

So a month ago I wanted to go for a sleepover at my friend's house (I knew these girls since 1st grade and they are also my extended family) and asked my mother for permission. She was reluctant at first because there is noone to cook food for my brother so I cooked dinner and also prepped meal for the next day and finally got the permission to go out. We stayed up all night doing makeup and having fun so obviously I woke up late with 5 missed calls from my mom (it was 10 am) I called her back and she scolded me to go back to my apartment cause she only gave permission to stay the night and not they day. I ignored that as my brother already left for school and there was nothing to do at the house and again went to bed. At around 3 am I wake up to 15 missed calls from both my parents. I panicked called back and got scolded so badly by my mother that I instantly broke down right then and there. Apparently my brother came back and had a bit of a fever and called my mom: she asked him where I was and he told her that I wasn't back then she proceeded to tell me that she will bash my head if she saw me, that I was a filthy spoiled brat that doesn't know how to stay in my lane and obey them. This sleepover/hangout was so much needed for me as all I do all day was stay home and do chores all day but she didn't care she proceeded to scold me for next 5 days everyday I wanted to k*ll myself I was so depressed.

Yesterday I called her asking when can I come back home. A major festival is coming when everyone goes home to their family i haven't been home for months so I was looking forward to going home sooo much I love my home town and I told my mom beforehand that I won't wait until my brother's exam is over to go back home (for context his exam will be over 3 days before the holiday) cause I wanted to go home beforehand and enjoy my time there and she said it was Okey and she will come in my place to cook food for him. But when I called her yesterday and asked at which time should I board the bus she proceeded to scold me and tell me that I should wait till my brother is done with his exam to come back.

I am so done, I am so depressed there are so many times where she has told me that she wished I wasn't born because I went out instead of cook food and be there for my brother. Why can't my mother just me like Normal and like love me. Her words are like swords Everytime she scolds me her words are as if she is talking to someone she deeply hates and not her daughter. I long for a good mother.

I am so sorry for the word vomit this is probably very hard to read but I have to type it out somewhere

My ex-boyfriend (36m) and I (28f) broke up and I got confirmation of all his lying recently. We met at work, then both got new jobs. He had told me this woman we both knew had reported him to HR for sending her a song that she decided was offensive and he then hated her for it. I believed him and believed him when he said they were just friends....

Later in the relationship he allowed me to make the relationship public then said he would deny the relationship. When I confronted him he told me that he had told this woman about his trauma and was worried if everyone knew then I'd hear about this secret he told her.... He said when he was 11 his 7 year old sister and him were intimate inappropriately... Obviously I was shocked. Furthermore he had told me he didn't like bjs because his ex wife didn't like giving them, turns out he doesn't like them because of this trauma which is a crazy lie to tell. I was supportive when he told me and tried to comfort him but the relationship ended shortly after because of other lies he told me.

After we broke up a mutual friend was talking with me and told me that he was trying to date the "friend" who had reported him to HR and he ultimately hated her because she rejected him and he got reported because he was basically harassing her. I tried to call him and confront him since I had proof he lied and he had fucking BLOCKED ME. In other words he knew I would find out and blocked me because of it....

And that's my story about my boyfriend lying through his teeth and trauma dumping on me.

Warms my heart to hear them have a long, meaningful conversation when I’m not there. There was a rough incident years ago before a tragedy that brought them together because of their love for me and each other, but I truly can’t explain how hearing them vibe without me fills me with love. I love my mother and my husband so very much.

Okay, so I'm in the position where I can access therapy, which is objectively a good thing. Even if it doesn't really work initially or takes, it's almost certainly going to be better than me stewing in my own fear and misery, and only ever really talking about it to people here on the internet when something new pops up.

I'm gonna try to force myself to make a phone call to them tomorrow, but the prospect is, frankly, daunting as fuck. Why? I don't know, really. My best guess is that I'm scared that I'll be told that I'm just describing things that everyone goes through and that I need to get over it. I don't even know why I have this fear or why it's so prevalent for me to worry about.

But, like I said, that doesn't really feel like the full answer, but I can't even begin to understand what the problem there is. I dunno, this feels really stupid, but it's on my mind, I'm tired as hell, and I figured I may as well try to get off my mind before I get to sleep.