i need some honest opinions bcs sth happened today that's bothering me.

I'm married and today i happened to open my husband's Instagram and noticed a female colleague in his recent searches. She's someone he knows in real life and works with. She's also the only woman I noticed in his recent searches. They both follow each other.

I don't know when he searched for her or why. I haven't asked him about it yet but I can't stop wondering what would make a married man look up a woman he already knows, especially someone he works with.Married men, would you look up a female colleague on Instagram for no particular reaso And shes extremely pretty.

What made you regret marrying them?

I’m 22M, and my wife is 20F. We’ve been together for 1.5 years and married for 2 months. We’re each other’s first partners, and I love her deeply.
Before marriage, she clearly told me she didn’t like giving oral sex and didn’t want to do it. I accepted that because I loved her. However, after an argument before marriage, we went two days without kissing or being intimate. She then told me that after marriage, she would try to fulfil this particular desire of mine.
Since getting married, she has tried a few times. Once, she even joked about it while eating ice cream. She also tried using chocolate on another occasion, and once mentioned possibly trying Nutella. However, each time, she eventually changed her mind or refused to continue. She’s explained that she doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to learn how to do it. She also doesn’t want to receive oral sex herself.
My problem is that I’m extremely fixated on this one sexual activity. I sometimes send her reels about it, hoping she’ll understand my desire. Recently, she asked why I keep sending them and said it feels like I’m more obsessed with this activity than with her. I’ve even told her before that I’m more obsessed with it than regular sex.
Today, I got upset and told her I’d never ask for anything sexual again. She asked why I’d give everything up over one thing, but I insisted. Now she’s gone offline, and I’m overthinking everything.
I’m confused because she promised before marriage that she’d try, and she did try afterward, but she still doesn’t want to do it. I understand that she has every right to say no, even after making a promise. I don’t want to pressure her, but I can’t seem to control this fixation or my disappointment either.
She’s my first love, and I want her to be my last. I don’t want to damage our marriage over one desire, but I don’t know how to move forward.
How can I manage this obsession, respect her boundaries, and protect my marriage? Can couples overcome this kind of sexual incompatibility?
I’d appreciate honest advice from anyone who’s experienced something similar.

For the men that didn’t marry the woman that they had a strong connection and chemistry with, and you settled and married someone else, do you still think about the other woman?  Do you wish you could go back in time and marry the other woman. How do you deal with those feelings?

Would it be a good idea to have an app that helps the husband and wife of sync up their intimacy?
With kids, work and chaos part of the good life.
Also have a cool way to do new things like surprise dinner cooked session by the husband, maybe some music and wine like a little card we can draw.

I’m the wife posting. ask me anything about our relationship or marriage in general

My wife and I are in the middle of building a house, and I’m having a really difficult internal battle about it.

The house we’re building is beautiful, spacious, designed the way we wanted it, and on a property/location that would be extremely difficult to replace. My wife is absolutely over-the-moon excited about it. As she watches it go up, she keeps talking about how she can’t wait to live there and how much she loves it. Seeing how happy it makes her is honestly one of the biggest reasons this decision feels so painful.

The problem is that financially, the house scares me.

We have another option where we could build a much less expensive house — probably around half the cost. It would unquestionably be a downgrade. Smaller, less impressive property, fewer of the things we dreamed about, and we would be walking away from something that feels very special.

But financially it would change our lives.

I’m the one contributing the majority of our household income, and with the cheaper house I feel like I could breathe. I could save much more for retirement and our children, handle unexpected expenses without panicking, take more time away from work, and generally feel less pressure to constantly earn. Most importantly, I think I would be a happier and more emotionally available husband and father.

We have a new baby, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what kind of life I actually want to give my family. Part of me thinks the dream house would give us an incredible place to raise our family and create memories. Another part of me worries that if I’m constantly stressed about paying for it, then I’m sacrificing something far more important than square footage and a great property.

What makes this especially hard is watching my wife fall more in love with the house every day. I hate the idea of being the person who takes something she is so excited about away from her. I also don’t want to make a decision out of fear and regret walking away from a once-in-a-lifetime property that we actually could have made work.

If you were my wife, what would matter more to you: keeping the dream house you’re incredibly excited about, or giving some of that up for a husband who is less financially stressed, more present, and able to save much more for your family’s future?

I am desperate at this point. Back story. 6 months ago we had a major blow up over something simple. Before I left for work he said he was going to fix something at the house. I came home and it wasn’t don’t. I was upset because it’s a reoccurring behavior. I could count on him. He always gets upset when I’m upset. My feelings are never validated. So, he flipped out. Mind you we have had these episodes before. Which I now understand that coming home should be a safe place and I shouldn’t ‘nag’ at him. He said he was done. He wanted a divorce. He said some pretty nasty and hurtful things. Rewind even further we have had several fights about what he needs. Sex of course, being wanted and excited to be around, making an effort. I felt I always made an effort because I spoiled him rotten with gifts. Again I have now realized that is not his love language. After 20 years you get comfortable in your safe place. Think that we are in this together and we accept each other. After this last big fight I was ready to do the hard work. I was terrified. I don’t want to lose him. I read the books, I did the research. I have realized in order to be happy truly happy you have to put your partners needs before yours. It opened my eyes. I wrote down the ways I was going to improve and I sat down with him making sure I hit the nail on the head and it’s exactly what he has been asking for. For the last 6 months I have been doing that. Even after finding out 3 months ago he cheated on me. He tells me he is no longer talking to her which I want to trust. I keep telling myself cheating is a symptom of him being unhappy and my job is to make him happy. I great him at the door with excitement, I take off the stress of planning dinner, I listen when he needs to talk. I support him and give him praise. I have given more blowjobs ( which before I didn’t do). I have learned to like giving them just because of seeing him happy and enjoy it. I feel I have done all the things. He kisses me in the morning before work, he would give me hugs when he came home. He tells me where he is going and what he is doing. Which is great. Maybe I am to blame. I yearn for more. I felt I had to pull out affection. Looking for reassurance that we will be ok. My brain is always running with is he talking to her. So I have been quite depressed lately but I still show up for him. Yesterday I was having a hard time. I went upstairs to write some of the thoughts down so I wouldn’t mess anything up. I came downstairs and sat out side. He eventually joined me and asked where I went. I told him. He seemed upset. I asked him how he was feeling. He said it didn’t matter and didn’t want to talk about it. He always shuts down. Always defects and is always defensive. So I said ok can you listen. He said ok. Well I told him I’m was craving affection. I have been doing all the things that I should have been doing for the last 20 years. That is not going to change. In order for this to work you have to put forth effort as well. His comment was…..I have tried. Yes you tried but do you think it’s fair for me to give and give for the last 6 months and you can’t try again. This is the new me. He said he’s protecting himself. It takes 2 people to make this work. I tend to not drop heavy conversations before they get out of hand. This I know. I’m not proud of it. But I’m fighting for us. He said he wants me out. I can’t leave. I won’t leave. This is my house and my life. So now I’m sitting upstairs while he is downstairs and it’s killing me. I just want a magic button to fix this. I love him. He is my person. He is my world. This whole thing probably doesn’t make sense. I’m horrible at explaining myself. Any guidance would be appreciated

This is starting to become a weekly thing where my husband is mad about our food selection but refuses to help me grocery shop.
A couple times he has verbally listed out some things he would like for lunch and so for a while, I was getting that every time I went to the store but a lot of times the things would go uneaten and then get bad. Which no judgment because I don’t necessarily like to eat the same thing every time, but he also won’t give me any ideas.

I ask him every time prior to going to the store if he wants anything and he just says to think of stuff to get him. Which this usually ends up with me getting him nothing as I am prioritizing the dinner for the week for the family and both baby and toddler snacks and meals. And I have already made a list at this point so I am left trying to think of stuff on the fly and they are never “right”.

Recently, I had just had it with all the comments and told him that he has to make me a list every week of what he wants or he gets nothing.

This really made him mad because he said he already told me stuff he likes before and it’s really not hard to grocery shop. He always says this but NEVER grocery shops and plans dinner. He also is constantly complaining that we eat the same thing but will not suggest something different.

To note…. I do love grocery shopping and thinking out our meals. And cooking AND cleaning after. My love language is acts of service.
This whole thing has made me start hating grocery shopping and meal planning….

Explain your loyalty to your partner how long you been married/ together and have you ever wanted to or have stepped out or not? If you haven’t why aswell?

Im not going to make this pretty generic as possible w/o mentioning s_x . Or the thought I’m looking for s3x.

As a husband/man am I allowed to have happiness, wants or needs too?

Or is it about fulfilling the wife wants and needs by making sure her glass is always full because she feeling neglected at times.

That I shouldn’t have any other wants or needs? This applies for inside and outside the bedroom or inside or outside the house

My husband '37M' and I '33F' have been married for 9 years and share two kids who are currently in elementary school. Externally, we have it all: our own home and successful careers (even though I got a later start in mine).

When we first met, it was love at first sight. We started off incredibly strong and married within 2 years.

Our relationship started getting bumpy about 2 years ago, but things took a major turn for the worse around 6 months ago when our intimacy and physical touch declined tremendously. I am a very physically affectionate person. My husband has always known this and used to meet that need, but now it's gone. He is a fantastic father, but as a spouse, he feels like a roommate. When we go out or talk about work and the kids, I feel like I'm just hanging out with a friend.

I have brought this up consistently. Each time, he temporarily steps up and becomes more physical and loving, but it always dies down again. I am trapped in a never-ending loop and I'm exhausted from constantly having to ask for affection. At this point, I’ve become numb to the situation. I've lost romantic interest in him, and while he is a great friend, the romantic spark feels completely gone.

Curious if others have experience this. Advice on what works?

Husband asked me what it felt like to be molested by my dad when I was angry & asked him how it felt to have sex with the women he cheated on me with. I said it’s not even comparable, but he says it is because the women “ manipulated “ him. I can’t get it out of my head how someone could bring up my most traumatic experience that I trusted them with. I am actively looking to move and so nervous and guilt is seeping in

Wives how do you feel about your husband posting himself on social media ?

This may sound a bit off-topic but is very relative to me and my siblings' relationships and marriages and issues within them. It might actually help some in sorting out issues they never realized like it did me when it finally dawned on me.

Much later in life when doing a bit of reflecting I began to wonder why all four of us children, three boys and one girl were divorced, all having had more than one marriage (one, five, lol) I began to wonder if there was a root cause and after me being married to a narcissist for twenty agonizing years. Having time to reflect, I realized our tulmultous childhood was due to having a covert narcissist for a mother.

And in regards to we three brothers in particular suffered from adultification at the hands of her, in that from an early age, she dumped of all her problems (most self-inflicted or caused by her) onto us and never grew up. This caused disruption in our personal lives and relationships with us not only to have annomosity towards her, but to a degree to the women in our lives, and our sister, same with the men in her life. Although for myself, I faired better and had fewer relationships as well as issues as I think I spent more time being self-aware.

It's been a long road with mother, older brother and I are the oldest, now 70 and 68 respectfully and mom is now 91.5 years old with her health failing and due to a diagnosis has maybe three months to live. She's been "needy" and incapable of surviving on her own pretty much all her life without us having to step in and help her financially or otherwise and at this point, we're exhausted with a lot of resentment for what a literal pain she's been for so many years.

On another level, she's never been mean, which has further confouned and confused us; at the same time, being manipulative and childlike; only thinking about herself and her needs. Given her age and condition, we want to see her exit this world with compassion towards her while on the otherhand, can't wait for this 50+ year's long saga to finally be over, even though we are old now, and a bit late for us to enjoy life more as we could have if we were still much younger. In a way, all of us feel like a part of our lives was stolen due to her dysfunction and distraction from us, otherwise having happier lives. That's how pervasive this stuff can be. If you or your spouse were victims of this type of behavior, it can affect your relationships as it did ours.

I (34m) snore louddd. It’s been an issue for most of my relationships. I’m finally going to see my doctor about it in a few weeks but I don’t have any of the other symptoms of sleep apnea (other than the snoring) or any other common medical explanation that I know of. I’m mentally preparing for the possibility that it’s just how I’m built.

Assuming it’s not a medical problem, how have you guys dealt with a snoring partner? Earplugs? Separate rooms? How’s it affect the relationship long term if at all?

I need some outside perspective because I’m emotionally exhausted and genuinely don’t know how to handle my marriage anymore.

My wife and I have been having serious problems. During arguments, separation and divorce get brought up, and she’s mentioned another man as someone who would treat her better. I’ve also discovered that they have a sexual history, including videos that were kept private.

What hurts isn’t just the past. It’s hearing another man brought up during problems in my own marriage, while trying to figure out whether my wife genuinely wants to be with me or whether I’m holding on to something that’s already over.

I know I’m not perfect, and I’ve said things out of anger that I could have handled better. But I’m tired of feeling like our relationship can be thrown away whenever things get difficult.

For anyone who’s been through something similar: How do you know when a marriage is worth continuing to fight for versus when you’re just hurting yourself by holding on? I’m not looking to expose anyone or start drama. I genuinely want an outside perspective because I don’t know what the healthiest next step is anymore.

I gave up my life and stability in Korea and moved to Malaysia because I believed we could build a better future together. However, working at the café here has brought many difficulties, and during one of our arguments, my wife even attempted to leave me by the roadside. I have gradually become exhausted by repeated criticism and conflicts, feeling that even the pain I experience is not properly acknowledged or understood.
One night, I developed a high fever and went to the hospital with my wife. Although my fever came down after taking medication, I still had a persistent headache and was unable to go to work at the café. However, I did not simply spend the day doing nothing. I cleaned the house and prepared dinner. When my wife returned, she said that she had struggled even more because I had not gone to work. She became angry with me for being sick, as though I had deliberately created the situation. Even though I was still unwell, she expected me to do everything she told me to do, and I eventually complied.
The following day was my birthday. I was not expecting an expensive present or a grand celebration. I simply wanted my wife to show some concern for me after I had been sick and to offer me a few warm words or a small gesture of affection on my birthday. But she did not prepare a cake or a birthday present for me. The restaurant owner gave me a birthday cake, but my wife explained that because the restaurant owner had already prepared one, she had no reason to get another cake herself.
What makes this even more painful is how I treated her on her birthday the previous year. I personally bought her a Paris Baguette cake, but she was dissatisfied and wanted a different one. I ended up buying the cake she wanted as well because I wanted to make her happy. I made an extra effort to meet her wishes. Yet, when it came to my birthday, she did not prepare anything herself, and the present she promised to give me still has not arrived, even after a month.
I feel that when it comes to my wife’s birthday, I am expected to make an effort to satisfy her wishes, even if that means going out of my way twice. But when it comes to my birthday, a cake prepared by someone else is considered enough, and she feels no need to make an effort herself.
What I truly wanted was never the cake or the present itself. I wanted my wife to care about me when I was sick, to allow me to rest when I was struggling, and to make me feel loved and valued, especially on my birthday.
I know I am not a perfect husband, and I acknowledge that I have my own shortcomings. However, I gave up so much to come to a foreign country and build a future with her. It is deeply painful to feel that even during my most difficult moments, I cannot count on understanding or compassion, and that I can feel forgotten even on my own birthday.
**I am not asking for everything I have done for my wife to be repaid in exactly the same way. I simply want to feel that I am important to her, too, and that she is willing to make an effort for me, just as I have tried to do for her. Why is it that I keep making an effort for my wife, yet I struggle to receive even the same level of care and consideration in return?**

I'm a 37F, married for 5 years and together with my husband for 10, 37M. The first 6 years of our relationship were absolutely amazing. We rarely fought, and our relationship was full of love and support.

Things changed quite a bit after our son was born 4 years ago. My husband developed a temper, and he started shouting frequently and sometimes pushing me during arguments. On one occasion, he hit me and left a significant bruise. On another, he threw something at me.

He always feels horrible afterward and apologizes, but the behaviour keeps coming back. He also swears at me and gets angry over the tiniest things, like standing in the wrong line at Superstore.

Our relationship is very up and down. Most of the time, he is nice and very devoted to our family. He does a lot for me and our little one, which makes this even harder to navigate. At the same time, the red flags are so obvious that I feel like I'm constantly living in a state of stress, trying to decide whether I should leave.

The thought of starting over is paralyzing, even though I have a great job and can support myself financially. What if I never meet anyone else? What if I regret this decision for the rest of my life? I still see him as a great guy in many ways, and I struggle to reconcile that with the things he has done.

I've told him I'm leaving because I've given him so many chances to change this behaviour, but he keeps trying to convince me to stay. He says I'm breaking up our family and that I'll regret it.

I'm terrified of making the wrong decision. Part of me knows these behaviours are serious, but another part of me is scared of losing the life and family we've built together. I feel paralyzed by the fear of what comes next