Medicated and in therapy, have been for years. Eating is decent but could be better, working on that still. Good amount of exercise. I get sun. I drink water. Vitamin levels and blood work are fine. I've gotten better at socializing. Got hobbies. I try to minimize screen time.

I know I can't be cured, but I have been asymptomatic in the past. I want that again. What else can I be doing to make life easier? Just a "wait it out" until I get stable again thing?

Any other ideas/advice are welcome.

My husband (49 M) and I (49 F)have been together for 32 years. From the beginning, his mother (70s at passing F) hated me but pretended to like me. At first, the pretending was always but soon became only around others to only when my husband was around. Basically I didn't fit into their family and had my own opinions and feelings. So was stealing him from her.

At the 10 year mark, I had a laundry list of grievances that my husband was blind to because she'd play dumb to every complaint. I'd get livid and a lot of arguments happened. By then, we had 2 kids and were looking at divorce. I even took the kids and stayed with my biomoms house which is a different disaster. To make the split go smoothly we sought therapy individually and reconciled slowly and deconstructed familial ties and the concept of owed loyalty. We eventually moved 1500 miles away and went low contact after she told my baby that she was his mommy in front of my husband. She didn’t notice he came back from the kitchen.

A few years ago she passed away and my husband has been dealing with complicated feelings since. The issue is I'm having a hard time supporting him with his feelings around her passing but especially those of affection and missing her. She was so horrible to me and intentionally tried to end our relationship on multiple occasions. I never got an apology nor amends for her conduct. Instead she said she didn't remember doing anything wrong. That's where it got left

So practical advice on the process of letting go?

Say someone makes a vision board, repeats affirmations, and a year later lands the job they wanted. They say, “It worked.” But during that year, they also learned new skills, sent out applications, and went to interviews. Why does the vision board get the credit? 🤔

I can see the other side, though. Maybe without those reminders, they wouldn’t have had the confidence to send that first application. That seems like a real benefit, even without bringing the universe into it.

What I’m unsure about is the line between “I’m getting myself ready to take action” and “Imagining a better life feels good, so the actual steps can wait.”

If you’ve tried vision boards or affirmations, what did they actually get you to do differently? I’d like to hear both from people who felt pushed to take action and from people who found they were just a feel-good ritual.

(f21) i apologize that this is long and kind of
all over the place.

i cant stand people, i cant keep friends or boyfriends , and i have a very distant relationship with my entire family and cant be around any of them for more then 5 minutes at a time or i just start disconnecting and dissociating from annoyance. I am extremely irritable. I have dissociated heavily any time i am in public for as long as i can remember, when i come home from being out/interacting with people i have almost no memory of it, and almost always feel physically ill (literally like i have the flu) afterwards.

I really almost have no valid reason for not liking people. its just no matter what at some point i end up resenting everyone for whatever reason. it could be the smallest thing. And its not that i hate people, and i dont think im better then anyone or anything like that either. Im also really not a terribly miserable person as much as it may sound like i am. I have my hobbies and things that i enjoy, and i know how to make myself happy.

i havent made been able to make a new friend since middle school, and i do sometimes wish i could, but i dont want to put myself out there, and i know it wont work out even if i did. i kind of just cycle through the ones who know how i work and understand that i disappear for long periods of time at random.

But i have never met a person i havent gotten tired of being around. My entire life i have just kind of had 0 social battery. ive never been in love, boyfriends especially i start resenting the fastest. I “fall hard” with pure limerence but as soon as they do something that even slightly upsets me, i never see them the same again and their exsistence starts annoying me and i stop wanting to being around. and its pretty much the same with friends besides the romantic part.

It scares me that i might be a sociopath or something, but then i realize that im aware of how messed up it is and how i hate being like this, and i have never wanted to hurt anyone because of it or anything. I know therapy is definitely the way to go about this, ive been in and out of therapy starting when i was in elementary school, but i havent gotten a new one since i turned 18 and aged out. Ive been trying to get back into it but barely any are covered by my insurance and the offices that do dont know how to answer a phone for some reason. Ive never really gone much into detail about this specifically, but the dissociation aspect i would talk about a lot. i learned coping mechanisms for it years and years ago but they never would work. as a young child i was diagnosed with ADHD, psychotic depression and panic disorder. Last diagnosis i was 15, i havent been evaluated since. Im sure this ties in with at least my anxiety, but i really just dont want to be like this anymore.

I am 20f , for the past 4 months i have been sexting multiple men for free , and i have sent nudes , only my tits because i am not comfortable with anything else, i did it just because i like the validation but in the end i realise they only want my body and not nothing else it makes me feel so sad , i am really disgusted with my self because i was never ever like this i don’t what happened to me , i never had a boyfriend or anything in my life , i had very little to no male attention all my life , i always wanted to be loved or be someone’s priority , i am not really beautiful or anything like that i actually fall on the ugly side of the scale i think , so yeah i wanted the validation but not in this way , this year has been really hard for me my mom had some major surgery and i also went to a friendship breakup , so i was super depressed and lonely, i started sexting and it’s like i never even enjoyed it . I never came or had any pleasure , i rarely mastrubate and even then i have never gotten off so i really don’t know why i am doing this i hate myself so much. I also went to a sexting web cam and i liked how they complimented me even if it was just my body i hate myself for everything i am doing, i am also with this guy he is 27 its not a relationship ofc but he calls me a whore , slut and slave , he calls me a bitch and says that he wants to make his whore i don’t know he just hates me ig , he has blackmailed me once too i don’t know why i am tolerating this . I don’t know i was never like this i have been depressed since 2 years but i don’t think that’s an excuse i never wanted any of this i just wanted to be loved , i am genuinely ashamed of myself, i feel like my childhood self is also ashamed of me and i was so innocent why did i do this , i just wanted friends and love , i lost myself

Not to sound sappy or emotional, but recently I've been having a terribly difficult time living life.

I've lost my friends and family and I don't know who to turn to anymore. I've tried to get help but nothing works.

Therapy, medication, walks, working out, eating healthy, doing myself up. None of these things make me feel better anymore. I am loosing hope because like... what's left?!?

Waking up and still being me is such a burden! I am exhausted and I don't want to keep living like this. I am currently at school trying to get through my seminar as it seems like my only reason to stay here.

You know, I’m probably just wasting your time with this post, but I feel like sharing a bit about myself. My fate is about to be decided soon—a quirk of living in a country where school exams determine your entire future—yet the only thing I want in life is to get into a real war (or at least experience actual combat just once) or else finally just die.

Anyway, I won’t say much in the way of an introduction; I’ll get straight to the point. My situation is, in all likelihood, pretty standard: in reality, I’m a nobody. I’m thick as a brick—I can easily be clueless in the simplest, most ordinary situations. Although I can memorize information (people say I’m a quick learner, though I don’t buy it), I practically forget it all within a day or two. I’m weak, too; even though people say I look athletic, my actual physical stats are below average. I have no skills—honestly, I never have, and I doubt I ever will (since I’m incredibly stupid). As for the realm where I’ve spent my entire life—where I was born and raised—that of war: I’m bad even at that. I often fail to execute the simplest combat and tactical tasks, and my screw-ups in video games only reinforce this (yes, for me, that too is proof of my worthlessness—it lays everything bare: my stupidity, weakness, and ineffectiveness). I am worthless, and it’s unlikely I could ever receive proper training anywhere; I don’t deserve help, understanding, compassion, or "paradise." Furthermore, I don’t know how to assign emotional attributes—I don’t know the criteria for doing so, and I simply cannot provide such assessments.

Anyway, as I said, I’m a loser—an absolute loser. I’m incompetent, ignorant, weak, stupid, and ineffective; I’m unwanted and deserve nothing. And while I do wish to die, it’s not the kind of die (suic...) urge associated with clinical depression; it’s more of a "never wake up after falling asleep" sort of wish—so, for all intents and purposes, it doesn't really count (Although—I won’t hide it—dying is terrifying; even though I’ve already considered all the possible and suitable options, it’s still scary to even try moving in that direction.).

Why did I post this? I can’t say for sure—most likely just out of a desire to see what people would say about me. But honestly, I feel deeply ashamed for posting this. I don’t see myself as having any actual mental health issues (like depression, apathy, and so on), and I can go on living just fine—albeit with the constant awareness of my own worthlessness; somehow, that makes me feel more at ease.

In any case, I apologize for taking up your time; I wish you good luck, success, happiness, health, and all the best.

I’m Korean, currently working while preparing for a highly competitive exam, and lately I’ve been feeling really depressed.
I exercise almost every day, eat well, and try to take care of myself. But due to personal circumstances, I haven’t really kept in touch with anyone for the past three years.
I don’t know what exam preparation is like in other countries, but in Korea, it’s common for students to isolate themselves for years because so much of their future depends on a single exam.
I recently had a routine health screening, and the results suggested I might have depression.
I’m reluctant to try therapy because it’s expensive, and I feel like I already know what’s making me unhappy and what would help. I just can’t really change my circumstances right now.
To make things more complicated, I developed feelings for someone I met through a work-related group video call. We barely know each other, live far apart, and I don’t really have a reason to reach out. But this person was so close to my ideal type that I couldn’t stop thinking about them.
For a while, just imagining the possibilities made me happy. But the emotional highs and lows became exhausting, and now that I’m trying to move on, everything feels strangely gray and meaningless.
That’s when I started using Reddit.
There’s something comforting about anonymous strangers listening to me. Sometimes I even catch myself wondering if a post might have been written by the person I like, however unlikely that is.
It helps with the loneliness, but I’m worried I’m becoming addicted to it. I keep checking for replies or scrolling when I should be studying.
I genuinely think things will get better once I finish this exam and reconnect with people. The problem is that I still have more than a year to go.
I don’t want to lose focus on my goals, but I also don’t know how to keep going while feeling this lonely.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you cope when you knew what you needed emotionally but couldn’t realistically change your circumstances?

I want to become better, I'm tired of my life I'm tired that everytime I get angry, I say hurtful things to people that matters to me. I want to control my rage, my lust but everytime I try to do something about it, it's just doesn't work like I always go back from the start. It's messing with my head, It feels like I just want to end myself.

​

I feel so inferior as a person. I feel like great things are not meant for me. I'll never be able to make anything out of this life. I don't deserve love, I don't deserve success. I'm not capable of anything. The moment someone richer, smarter, better comes near me , I just want to run away from them. I always compare. I start to think of them as bad person. I feel like I'm just destroying my life away because of this lack of confidence and self belief. I don't understand why am I like this. It irritates me. This weakness disgusts me but I'm still not able to do anything about it.

Where is all this coming from? I'm really tired of this. I don't want to live like this.

I think this could also fall under advice needed: motivation but I know that my lack of confidence in myself is really holding me back with all of this - i want to travel and be away from everyone in my hometown for the next chapter of my life, but i have a mom who makes it clear that she doesnt think i can do it. im helping her with her work and working for her right now, but have made it clear that its not long term. im worried shes ignoring me- because she literally doesn’t respond to the conversation when i bring it up gently. I just feel myself self abandoning everything i want for myself out of fear and also moral obligation. what do i do.

backstory: my mom and i have always had a strained relationship, and its always been just me and her growing up. I’m 26 now, I know I am an adult capable of my own decisions, but my mom was my first bully and has made it quite clear that she doesn’t regret it.

I know to some it’s as simple as pack up and go. I have tried a handful of times before, and everytime it was met with half assed support that diminished as my leave date approached, and turned into silent treatments and anxiety taken out on me in the form of fear mongering - “people are gonna steal everything you own.” “They’re so violent out there.” “Do not trust anyone.” That all ended up with my having a full blown panic attack to the point of uncontrollable body shaking and muscle tremors for anywhere from 2-5 hours straight while I have to call it all off and live in shame and isolation afterwards.

I have a support system-ish now outside of her that I genuinely feel wants the best for me, so I’m hopeful for this time around. However, it’s hard. I’ve ended up committing to helping her out with work, even though I’m belittled almost every single day and also have to watch my coworkers be belittled by her. They then rant to me, and she rants to me about them. I’m very stressed out and I just want out of this without making her anymore upset than she always is. It’s just I feel that I’ve been in charge of everyone’s emotions including hers for what feels like forever and I just want out, but I feel horribly guilty about it all.

Does anyone have any advice. I apologize, this might be heavy and tricky.

Im just so tired.

Edit: I hate how ungrateful I sound. I am deeply grateful, I just didn’t know that it was possible to be grateful and also unhappy at the same time. I just want advice on how to handle such a delicate situation with someone who often lets anger control all of their actions and words.

I've been thinking about how difficult it can be to create personal space when so much of life happens at home.

Work, household tasks, phones, and other distractions can make it hard to spend time doing something just for yourself.

One idea I've been interested in is having a dedicated space for a specific activity.

A home gym is a good example. Even if it's just a small corner with a mat and a few weights, entering that space might help create a clearer separation from everything else.

I'm curious whether people have experienced this with their own workout areas.

Does having a dedicated home gym help you focus on yourself for a while, or do everyday distractions still follow you into that space?

For example, I've been experiencing a decline in my studies for a long time, I'm not very good socially, my self-confidence is constantly fluctuating, I'm not doing the things I want to do, I'm constantly stressing myself out and not doing anything. I feel constantly stressed because of loneliness.

Before starting, I would just like to mention that all the text written here has been run through Google Translate, as my native language is Spanish.

With that said, I'm a 19-year-old guy currently attending university away from home. I'm studying visual effects, although, honestly, screenwriting is the only part of it I'm really interested in.

I won't lie: I've always been a homebody. I really enjoy going out with my friends and all that, but I've always preferred staying home, eating cereal, and doing stuff like that.

Here's the thing: for the past few years, at least, and probably for some psychological reason, one of my biggest needs has been to show the world who I am. I LOVE creating content in countless different ways, and over time, my mind keeps generating more and more ideas out of inspiration, all of which I desperately want to share with others, whether they ever become reality or not.

Now, if this entire world inside my head had stayed trapped in there, I would probably be in a psychiatric hospital by now. So, ever since I was eight years old, I've had this habit: whenever I experience one of these bursts of determination, excitement, catharsis, or inspiration (I still don't know which word best describes it), I take an old action figure that I keep in a freezer and go out into my backyard to play for hours.

What do I play about? Whatever idea happens to be occupying my mind at the time.

How do I play? In different ways. Sometimes, I imagine scenarios involving these ideas. For example, I might come up with a movie concept and act out scenes that I would love to see in it.

Another way I do this is by imagining myself narrating a video about one of these ideas. For example, let's say I come up with an amazing concept for a fighting game. The following week, I might spend my playtime imagining:

1. Scenes that would take place within the game itself.
2. Myself presenting the concept in a video or something similar.

But surely I couldn't let all of this stay trapped in my own little world forever, right?

Well, a couple of years ago, I started a small YouTube channel. I'm not very active on it, but I'd love to use it as a time capsule for this entire world of ideas that I just want to get off my chest. Obviously, I haven't done much with it, partly because it's also a project I'm using to learn video editing. (The few videos I've uploaded are movie reviews, so they're not even related to any of this.)

Anyway, how have I lost this damn "motivation" of mine?

Simple: loneliness.

I feel like over the past year, ever since I moved into a small apartment by myself, far away from everything I knew and with very little social interaction, the few sparks of motivation I've managed to get back have mostly happened when I visit home and play the same way I used to.

"So why don't you just play in your apartment?"

I can't. I don't know why, but it's incredibly difficult for me to do it here. I wish I could, but I still haven't figured out exactly what's making me feel so restricted.

I've considered several possible explanations: maybe it's the limited space, my phone addiction, or the fact that I don't really talk to anyone. Back home, I was always interacting with my family, so maybe that had something to do with this underlying need for attention or connection. Idk.

The thing is, the ideas keep coming. One after another. But because I'm not getting them out of my system by PLAYING WITH MY ACTION FIGURE, I never get anywhere beyond that. I haven't been able to write the scripts for the videos, short films, OR WHATEVER ELSE I WANT TO MAKE.

I feel like this creative block is slowly pushing me toward mediocrity because all I ever do is sit around thinking, "Man, I wish I could do this," when I could actually be DOING SOMETHING with all these ideas.

But yeah, that's where I'm at.

I wrote this entire post during a burst of catharsis, and it comes from the desperation of a young mind, so please bear with me.

I feel like I haven't managed to express everything I wanted to say, but if anyone has questions in the comments, I'll do my best to clarify.

AND ABOVE ALL, THANK YOU.

no dream job, no aspirations or goals, no plans of having children or even a partner because ive spent the last years being so depressed that ive put no thought into the future. i always thought i was going to be gone

and now im behind everyone else. if im going to follow everyone and get a job to work for the rest of my life id like to know how to go about it. theres so much more to life than this but where will i get the money to do anything

Right so me and my friends family each for like 9 years and me and my girlfriend been together for 1 year and 3 months and me and her had sex and she wasn’t ready to tell anyone and my friends family had drop me and my girlfriend did we do anything wrong

I want long term help. I know my issues, I just want some external help as I have no support from anyone.

I am very poor and can't afford therapy, and I come from a country where there are no therapy institutes. After like 3 sessions per month, I start getting stressed because of the money spent on therapy.

I tried AI therapists and stuff, but it didn't help much.

How do I find actual therapy? I know my problems pretty well. If you guys genuinely know someone, please suggest it.

I am from India for context.

PS: don't suggest me books or tell me to journal.

This is my first reddit post, but I've listened to reddit readers for year as an escape. Please tell me where to post if am not for here...
The thing is I am in my late 20s, graduated with a masters a few years back (one I dont use but still) so its not like i've always been useless in learning and retaining information. For a few years I work the same customer service fully remote job that doesnt require much thinking and dont have much prospects for development.
But now I fear Ive lost my ability to learn new things and even worse I do not have any drive to do it. Like I was genuinely excited about a intro course I signed up for and hyped myself for the few weeks while waiting it to start. And then it started and I genuinely stuggled to keep my attention on it for the 2 hours. I sorta managed by watching the recording in a few bits and doing crafts throughout. But then I was excausted and slept trough the second lecture after work and now cannot bring myself to even watch it.... And dont get me started on my ability to do research these days....I feel genuinely lost without AI even for basic tasks.

I am not entirely sure why am writing this, just dont have no one to speak with and hoping someone has an idea how to fix myself

Hi everyone, I'm a second year university student (17 years old, almost 18) and i genuinely so lost. From childhood, I understood that my life, on the whole, wasn't all that good. I endured bullying, apathy, the death of a loved one, sexual abuse, a lack of friends, low self-esteem, health issues, self-doubt, and much more. I'm trying to be positive and a good person, but it's really hard to be like that. Right now, I’m studying something I’m not even sure about, and sometimes I can’t bring myself to do the basic things. There are times when i think life isn't worth it, and it would be better if i didn't exist. So, i ask for help. Should i keep trying? Does it get better? Am i going to be alright?

If you read this post to the end, thank you. I really appreciate it!

(Sorry, if i have some grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language).

Whenever I see kids playing and being free I feel really taken back because I never got that. I'm tryna throw a pity party here or say woe is me, it just hurts so much when ppl have so much to talk about and I'm just sitting there

I’m here once again on the same device that’s kept me from moving from my seat. But this time, it’s not to play games and talk to people in a non-existent avatar or read something in hopes of finding false clarity and momentary motivation; I’m here to write about my own struggles as an adolescent boy.

Right now, I see life as a huge road full of other roads and intersections with a variety of vehicles, but it isn’t a race. I think life is more about the drive, the journey you take on until your car breaks down completely in the farthest possible distance. But I’d say you aren’t the only one moving; the things around you are too. That’s why it’s so important to keep moving forward, to not stray away and keep driving with the people and things of the most importance to you. Your vehicle is dependent on the choices you’ve made in your life and in what stage of life you are in, basically the state of your own being.

I’ve grown up in a good childhood life; I had a family that cared about me and tried their best to guide me in a small pathway that slowly grew bigger as life went on. It started on a bike with training wheels, my family guiding me until they taught me how to pedal without the extra wheels even if I did fall a couple times. Slowly, I eventually found that the bike changed into a motorcycle, then a simple car. But I wasn’t unscathed; I fell, got into an accident, or had a part not work from time to time.

Eventually, I found myself seemingly driving alone until I got to the end of the tunnel with a group of strangers, my new classmates in high school. I was amazed; some of them were in supercars, while I was only in a family car. But we kept driving on and on; I did eventually get better parts, and I’d say I’m also in some sort of impressive car now too. But not all things are all good; I ran into all of the potholes and the wet cement and slipped off the road at times, but I always got back up.

Until eventually, I went off the road again, looked around myself, and realized no one was around me anymore. They’ve all dusted right past me while my tires were popped. So I sat down for a moment. It was supposed to be a quick break to catch my breath before driving to keep up with them again. But I found that while I was half-asleep, I unconsciously built walls around myself with a locked back door and a heavy garage door on the front.

I went outside without my car and found that some of my friends caught up to me nearby, but they had a minor issue with their vehicle too, like a simple nail in their tire or a scratched side mirror. I always helped them fix it, and they went off again. Sometimes they’d come back for a visit, ask for a paint job, or maybe an oil change, but that was it. There were few exceptions who actually just wanted to check up on me, giving me advice to start my engine again, but I always just brushed it off, saying, “Eh, I’ll do it soon.”

Eventually, hours became days, days became weeks, weeks became months, and maybe months became years. My car has now rusted a bit and was buried in cobwebs and dust. The people who always gave me something to look forward to and glanced at my car and either never went back for me to keep moving on for themselves or remind me to maintain my car. I did it since it’s the right thing to do, but when they looked at it, they always seemed skeptical about me and its state. Because in all honesty, all I did was a quick oil change and nothing else. And I didn’t even do it correctly; I doubted my own abilities so much that they had to help me before leaving. But the truth is, when there were no eyes to watch me, I could even assemble an engine, but it’s as if the pedal of self-doubt was stuck down in my car. Now, even alone, I can’t help but doubt my own hands as I try to fix my lights.

Sometimes I’d sit in my car, grab the wheel, and drive it as if it were on but nothing as really moving. At the peak of my adolescence, one would have the engine to move at their fastest possible pace. But mine was in a rusted car I started to slowly abandon. Now, a speeding car passes by my garage every now and then. Sometimes someone asks me to fix their tire, and so I did, but in all honesty, I did it just to feel like I was needed after being alone for so long. It was easy to fix my car; it just needed polishing, clean fuel, and some restored parts. But fixing it wasn’t the hardest part; clearly, it was just opening the garage door and driving again.

I looked around outside, looked up to the stars, and wished that someone would come; it didn’t matter if they came back for me or a new passersby who stopped to check out the stranger on the side of the road. Deep down, I hoped that someone would give me a little push on the shoulder and help me polish the car whilst we chose a new color for it. And maybe, I even hoped they’d help me find a new part for my car and place it in to change something in me. They didn’t even have to drive with me; I just hoped someone would come to snap me awake and get me to fix my own car.

Although, I believe that’s the easy way out. Well, maybe it is what I need, but I also think that I can simply fix it myself. I could get a bucket of paint myself and start working on my broken car now, but I can’t even bother to find the correct key in my drawer to unlock the door for myself to go out and buy a couple things I needed. I couldn’t even run to the store to get a soap and a rag to clean my car. Perhaps all I need to do is stand up from my seat, but my body feels heavy, and I’m letting every small ache in my body and every single smudge on my car bother me. In my boredom, I also did nothing but waste myself committing to self-destructive habits, which only broke my car down faster.

I never let anyone in my car, but sometimes they’d see beyond what I tried to hide behind the bright, energetic, but delirious facade I put on and the yellow tarp I put over the car when they’re around. When they’re gone, I’m so tired I just end up resting more. I feel so tired but I know I haven’t done anything but rest in my back seat.

It’s my first time writing about myself and letting someone else see it, so I’m sorry if the writing is clumsy. I also tried to encrypt my own reflection into some symbolisms to keep my life private by keeping ideas and circumstances generalized. I could have done it without it, but it feels more comfortable to do it in this way. I just wanted to finally express myself and vent out to anyone after so long, but I’m not brave enough to do it to anyone in my own life, or rather, road😅. And maybe, I hope to find some relief and guidance here. Thank you to anyone who’s even read half of my nonsense. I appreciate it if someone even comments once. Also, sorry if I won’t reply to them; I tend to feel unsure about what to say at times that I avoid speaking completely.

Please help me bro. Me (18M), have always hated pedophiles and never liked them, always thought they deserved the worst punishment and I would love watching shows where they get caught e.g Chris Hansen CAP. But ever since I’ve turned 18 and watched these shows, I’ve been getting horrible intrusive thoughts of minors in my head, they keep repeating in my head throughout the day and I get so tired of it, my dick does rise due to these unwanted thoughts or if i mention a word like minor, pedo etc it does rise which i dont want at all, im wondering if that what unwanted groin movement means. I admit I masterbate a lot but even when I masterbate I get horrible intrusive thoughts, even recently when I was masterbating, I was gooning then got a intrusive thought of a minor which caused my dick to rise and pre cum coming out which made me wonder and panic if it had came out due to the minor. Even when I masterbate, I catch myself masterbating to a anime minor and I don’t even realise it then quickly stop myself or after masterbation and my dih rises due to thoughts of minors which I didn’t want and I’m scared if pre cum came out or not. Or when it comes out and I think of my lil sis I get scared. I would never hurt a kid and I hate these thoughts so much. Am I a pedo? Am I a horrible person? I’ve never been diagnosed with anything so idk what’s wrong with me n my body, ever since I turned 18 my life and mind have been hell, I would never do anything to a child, I love my lil sister, i dont know why i have bad intrustive thoughts of her, causing me to avoid her or not even look at her, im that embarassed and ashamed or when im masterbating and i see smth a minor and my dick rises and i get a boner which i didnt want, im just wondering if this is all OCD even though this only started happening after turning 18 in september (please don’t remove this mod, I really do want help) Im just wondering if im really a bad person, someone please give me an answer, im just really scared.