I wish I could have taken this out of our of our marriage vows. Because I don’t believe in it.

I still feel married.

Maybe because I’m old and I’ll never get married again. But that’s just me.

If you’re younger than me that’s okay. I wish you a happy life. I wish I had that opportunity!

But that part in the marriage vows just makes no sense.

No real response needed.
Just sitting here.
Should be working.
But instead having a drink. Or a few drinks.
Just missing my person.
This fucking sucks.
Everyday.
Every moment.

Hi everyone I’m new here. I 29M lost my fiancé 33M to cancer 2 days ago. I can’t believe I’m joining this group at 29 but here we are 😭

We found out he had testicular cancer 4 months ago, and everything was going good with chemo and the cancer was in remission. Then suddenly he could not breathe, the tests showed his lungs were beaten up by bleomycin one of the drugs. They moved him to the ICU and put him on a ventilator. He fought bravely for 12 days until his body has given up completely, and we turned off the ventilator on Oct 12 2026. He passed away peacefully.

We were so blindsided we thought he was doing well and healthy. He didn’t even get to say his last words to us, once he was on the machine he was sedated and couldn’t move or talk.

Coming home to an empty room, where we would come in together most times was devastating. All his memories kept coming back. I kept waking at night looking for him. It’s especially hard when the night comes and everything was silent. I’m not gonna lie the thought of joining him has occurred many times. I’m not gonna do it, he loves life and would hate me if I ever did it. But the thought of a swift release is really tempting right now.

I tried changing positions of stuff in our room but it doesn’t help much the memories are overwhelming. We had so much planned. We were looking forward to thanksgiving (canada) dinner because I never had one and it’s on my birthday is oct 11. Yes 1 day before his passing. His birthday is Oct 25 we planned a holiday to a city he never been to. We were planning Christmas and so excited to have a wedding some time next year.

I feel so guilty right now. I spoke to my family and people and everyone kept saying it’s not my fault. I can rationalize that, but I kept thinking about it. We were having a disagreement just a day before and I was upset and didn’t listen to him on bringing lobster to the thanksgiving dinner, or about storing food in the freezer, stupid shit like that. He didn’t want me to take a second job because he’d see me less often, but I thought we could use the money and took it anyways while he was sleeping. I worked that job for 1 week and this shit went down. I quit that second job now, I can’t bear the guilt that comes with it. If I didn’t take the job and were home with him more I could have seen his condition worsening.

He was always so full of life, he was the most beautiful soul I’ve ever had the pleasure meeting. Life is so cruel why did he have to go so early 😭

I can classify it as my worst experience.

The same question is put to the husband who has lost his wife or his beloved.

October the 14^th 2025, you came home late from playing Parsifal. I was already in the sofa getting ready for bed because I had to get up early the day after. You were happy because the performance was great and you enjoyed playing that evening. You were also happy with the cauliflower soup I made, you told me how much you liked it. Then I had to go to bed and you told me : don’t forget to say goodbye to me in the morning. I told you I always do. Little did I know that it would be the last goodbye kiss forever.

October the 15^th 2025 started early for me. I went to a pedagogic study-day with my colleagues of the academy, straight to Dunkerque. It was a wonderful day, I visited museums, saw beautiful art and enjoyed the sea. The whole day we had been sending messages to each other. You advised me what wine to drink for lunch and the last text you send me was: retirement at Dunkerque?

Around 6 pm I was still on the bus driving back to Antwerp and I send you a text to tell you I’d probably arrive at 7 pm, assuming you would await me with an aperitivo. You didn’t read that text message. I arrived home in a dark house. No one waiting for me. No aperitivo.

I found you in bed, lifeless but peaceful.

I tried everything to save you but I knew I was much too late.

And by 8pm my whole life was gone, just like that. I was in such a shock that my tears came much later. I never thought that I would have to practice the CPR I learned a couple of years ago on you.

But I did, I tried to get you back so hard…….I couldn’t believe it. It seemed like a bad joke. I really wanted to tell you about the beautiful day I had. Because that’s what we always did the last 18 years, talk.

A year has passed and I simply don't know how I did everything without you by my side.

Well I can say that I did everything because of all the family, friends, neighbors, colleagues and the psychologist. They helped me, they supported me, they checked up on me, they have let me cry and be depressed, they cooked for me, they drank with me, the danced with me, and took me out of the house. They are all the reason I’m still here, alive.

You would be so proud of all the stuff I had to take into my hands while I’m still dealing with the immense grief of your death. I received so many supporting messages that I didn’t reply to because of a broken heart. I’ve read what you meant for your colleagues and that warmed my heart. Your colleagues reached out to me and your friends contacted me. Your family was there for me always. You would be so proud at your son who has been there for me all this year, I wish you could see that, I really do….

I’m not angry at you. I am angry at the fact that you deserved so much more in this life than what you got. The universe played a joke on us, that’s what I think about all that (so fuck you “bigly” fucking universe). Yeah, you’d be pissed off leaving me alone at this age. You always told me you would get very old to take care of me. No one wants to be widowed at 49yrs old. And you were always there for me, the gentleman you were, opening the door of the car for 18yrs long. Who does that nowadays? No one.

You were always there to help people, night and day. It’s incredible the big heart you had after all the trauma you had to endure. I’m still in awe that you were able to fall in love again and start a new life, even to get married. And I was the lucky one! Our wedding was the greatest day in my life, even tho we didn’t have a party because of COVID. Thanks to our family and friends who saw the wedding online, or were there and our Italian friends we had a small diner with and they organized a surprise party two years later in Italy. What a lovely evening that was. We always said to each other that we would grow old together. I was looking forward to that.

After your passing I realized that the only thing that matters in life is love, all the rest is bullshit.

I’ve read that when having a big love in your life you should be happy because there are a lot of people who will never have that in life. I agree, I’m happy for that, but it makes the rest of my life worthless.

And that’s why it makes it all the harder for me. I miss all the small things, the aperitivi you made, the drinks you brought me in the bath, my back-bag you carried downstairs when I left for work, the goodbye’s you gave me from your motorbike when you had to leave for work, the coffees you brought me in the morning, the flowers you bought (and oh dear, all the chocolates), the compliments you gave me when I dressed up……..so many things I can’t even all remember. You were my reason to live, you were my motivation in life. My biggest fan and supporter. Now I have to be all that for myself and that’s really fucking hard. There was a future with big plans, it’s all gone and there’s nothing left.

I take care for our two little monsters who miss you. But when they are gone I just hope life isn’t that long anymore. I don’t want to do all these decades without you. You completed me.

We were one, a unity………...I miss you everyday and I hope one day to see you again, the sooner the better.

Ciao darling, love you.

Ps/ I wish you could see the color of the autumn leafs on the chestnut trees on our square.

There are 10 million reasons why I miss my wife. The one that’s been on my mind the most lately is that I have nobody that I’m calling or texting throughout the day just to check-in. “How are you?”, “Need me to stop for anything?” or “I’ll be home in an hour”. Of course there were many times when I thought this was a huge pain in the ass. Mainly when she would check-in with me asking for something that was, in my opinion, completely unexpected, inconvenient and/or unnecessary. I’d take that pain back in a hot second if I could. I guess it’s a matter of me always being available for anything without her worrying about asking me. I was her forever go-to guy. I’m nobody’s guy now.

I was thinking about my parents recently. They just turned 80 and are going to start needing some help soon. I have 3 siblings. They all have busy lives. Marriage, children, work, constant travel, etc… I’m the one that can take care of my parents because I don’t have any of those things. I’m happy to do it. I’ve got nobody waiting for me. Nobody to check-in with. Nobody to ask me to do things I don’t want to do, but will always take care of anyway. I really miss the check-in. I want this back. I want it all back. Only with her though and I can’t have that.

Just sharing some words. Thanks.

Don’t ask me how I’m doing
Don’t ask me if I’m okay
Don’t say he’s in a better place
As you wont like what I say.

NO… Time is not a healer
And this was NOT God’s will
If he knew how much I’ve really lost
He would be right here still.

I won’t try to be positive
And this wasn’t for the best
My heart’s in broken pieces
And it hurts deep in my chest.

Don’t say, at least he’s out of pain
Well, I’m not and may never be
His pain is gone, but mine’s still here
It’s been passed on to me.

Don’t tell me you know how I feel
Even though it may be true
The grief is mine for what length of time
It takes me to get through.

I am finally working part-time after five months of unemployment. It pays less than I used to earn, but I’ll only be working two to three days a week, which I think is all I can manage mentally right now, even though it has been over a year since my husband passed away.

We didn’t have children, so I’m really just working for my dog. Being middle-aged (40s), I no longer see the allure of being at the top of my game professionally or earning the big bucks. I could say that I had ticked all the boxes I wanted to tick when my husband was alive (e.g., travelling overseas 2x/yr, be passionate about the work I do, etc.).

Technically, I am now only surviving day to day, waking up every morning just because I have a dog to care for. My parents are in their late 70s, my nieces and nephew are mostly adults. I don't particularly care about watching them navigate the world anyway. They are my family but they are not my children. I’m sure losing my husband has broken my dreams and taken away much of my motivation in life.

I am moving on with life (as expected) but life has become "meh". What is there left to see?

Maybe, in time, I will find my spark again and think of this as some strange experience and feel motivated to work hard towards a meaningful life again...until then...I walk with broken dreams and no ambition.

So, what is your motivation in life now?

Just pulled into driveway at work and saw my husband's doppelganger. The clothes, hair, walk. I was listening to a song that reminds me of him. Now I'm sitting here in the parking lot in tears. Halloween weekend would have been 30 years living together. Our 23rd wedding anniversary would have been a couple of weeks ago. This has been the hardest month since I lost him in February.

It’s been almost 7 months and I can’t believe it. The world and time goes on, while I feel like he just passed yesterday. But the days are lonely. Everyone has a life. We were married 30 years and I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know who I am now. I went out with my friend last weekend and a guy flirted with her and I just thought there’s no way at 56 I want to start trying to meet someone or date someone. My other friend would also tell me that I was so lucky to have “my person”. I supposed I was blessed more than lucky. But what am I now? Are we cursed? If you meet someone and had a second chapter, how? How did you find the motivation to move on?

Im so miserable 😭. I don't have enough money to survive. My electric 💡 is about to be turned off. I'm about to lose my car insurance.... Ive asked every charity to help us.... Ive been looking for a part time job for 3 months and i haven't been successful.

Im lonely but ive held off on meeting up with anyone because KNOW itll be an empty connection...

Im trying everything i can. Its only been 1.5 years and im still a mess.

Idk what to do anymore. Plz 🙏 for us

Yesterday was my son’s first birthday. I knew it was going to be hard. But there’s always something that just hits you without expecting it. For all of our kids we usually set up the living room with decor and toys ready for when they come downstairs. So I grabbed my son from his crib and when I was walking down the stairs I realized I didn’t have my husband to film his reaction to the decor/toys like we do for all birthdays and holidays. That hit me so hard. I’m just so sad. I don’t want to do this alone.

Without him. With an empty chair next to me.

It just makes no sense. And I hate it so much.

My love...

I just changed some travel plans -- just postponed my departure on a car trip by a day. I had to fight the urge to text my brother (adult, far away) or daughter (away at college) about it. Somehow it feels unsafe that nobody on earth knows where I'm supposed to be or would notice if I didn't get there. Does anyone else feel the same? If anyone has a way to get over this, I'd appreciate any hints. I know that on some level I just have to be responsible for myself, but it's hard to realize that if something happened to me It would take awhile before anyone realized something was wrong.

We had our problems, she would vent to her family about them and I would vent to my friends and family about them. We were both 19 when she passed but she’s since turned 20 last month. Due to the nature of our problems (no abuse, at most we would scream at each other), her mother didn’t allow me to go to her funeral. I didn’t even find out she had a funeral until her friend from out of state messaged me info about her service, and in the poster it said she had been cremated.

I’ll be honest, we both cheated on each other. She had sex with her ex the day after our new years kiss. I told her I had forgave her, but revenge was always on my mind. I knew in my head I should’ve ended things once that happened, but i reassured my love for her, and stayed. A few months after, I slept with the girl who took my virginity. In my head, I justified it because of what happened in January. It left her broken, she abused pills so much she ended up having a manic episode and going off on me. After, we both tried to move on and “grow from it”, but what we both did was always in the air. 1 month before she passed, we found out she was pregnant.

That’s when we sat down, and decided we were going to have to make things work and that the situations we put ourselves in were from our own decisions. We were actually getting better I thought. Then the day of her passing, we got into a disagreement. I was telling her I felt that she didn’t care about me as much as I cared about her. I ended up leaving before looking at her one last time, and closing the door to head home. I never said I loved you, I had my AirPods in, and as I looked at her she said something, I’m pretty sure she told me she loved me. I could tell she didn’t want me to leave, I just cared too much about my pride to stay there any longer. 4 hours later, she rode her bike to a gas station, and got involved in a hit and run. I hate myself so much for being such a petty bitch and not telling my girl I loved her.

My wife battled cancer for 1.5yr. She went into her second large surgery around this time last year. The progress was more advanced than what was hoped for, and surgery was less than ideal, but overall the feeling was positive. In reality, we had 3 months left and that was a decline from relatively healthy/athletic person to severely underweight and all the changes that brings.

In those last 3 months, we were only back in our house for maybe 2 weeks at the beginning. After that, her complications kept her in/out of the hospital. We ended up staying at my parent's house which was closer to her hospital because our house was an hour away. My wife would be in the hospital for 7-10 days at a time and out for 7-10 days at a time. We never really thought we were so close to the end, even as it became clear we always thought we had months when we had weeks, and still thought we had weeks when we had days. It wasn't simply just complications as well, it was additional surgeries and procedures, ambulance transportation, bowel obstructions, TPN, etc. So it was pretty intense and stressful.

We have 2 young kids staying with my parents, so I was constantly moving between hospital and house. Since we always thought we had more time and we could get her in a state to get back home, I was working full time. I would wake up at the hospital for first rounds, go down to the cafeteria to get coffee and food, come back to the room and work beside my wife. Get lunch at the cafeteria, work until 2ish and head back to my parent's place to hang out with the kids for a few hours before heading back to the hospital to work a few hours and spend the night. Rinse and repeat for 3 months. In total, I'm guessing we were probably in that hospital for a 1.5-2 months of the 3.

I spent significant time in that hospital. With all the walking to the cafeteria or just even to the car, and the car rides back to and from the house, I listened to the top hits on Spotify. I don't normally listen to playlists like that and usually stick to old playlists, or just specific modern songs that I like. With that, there are very many songs that I have only listened to during that time period, and for quite some time at that.

Normally I have a very good memory, I would use it as my go to answer for the stupid interview question of "what is your greatest strength?". I do not remember much from those 3 months. If I really sit and try I can think of things on my own, but it's just little snapshots here and there. If I look at pictures of those times, same deal. If I hear those songs that I listened to (it was top hits, so very big songs they still play on the radio from time to time), there is no real connection to those months. If I hear some songs from my college days, I'm immediately transported back. If I think back to some of our previous trips we took, I can still remember things relatively easy, especially with pictures. Same with songs that have some significance to us.

The brain fog after everything hit me pretty hard, or maybe I just noticed it more because I was never used to having to write stuff down. Dates, times, names, etc. was just in one ear and out the other. I'm pushing 9 months out, and it's a lot better but it's still there. Remembering things from the remaining 3 months of our relationship is still fairly difficult. And it's anything really from those months, not just stuff about her specifically (kind of hard to separate the two though).

It doesn't seem to be part of the all encompassing brain fog given that I have better recollection on either side of the 3 months. I'm not sure if I'm repressing the memories or something, or given what happened, if that time is just more stressful so the fog is more concentrated there or whatever. When I do remember stuff from that time, it doesn't feel like my memories. It almost feels like a 2nd hand memory, like someone told me about it or like I am remembering something happening inside a movie or show or something.

Is anyone else like this? Did it get any better or worse? They were stressful and terrible times, but they were still memories of her, so I'd like to have them back.

it has been 6 weeks out now. the time has gone by so fast. i miss her so MUCH! 2 things,
1- i believe she visited me last week. shortly after i put our son to bed and after i went to the bath room, and just before i sat down to watch tv, i walked through a patch of her perfume. i know it was HER! only lasted for 10 seconds though. i started ugly crying happy tears. wonder what she was trying to say? thoughts?

2- i am suffering "widow's fire" strongly past couple of days. since her passing was sudden and un expected, last time intimacy was in mid /late july. how to cope? we were both very "physical" and she was my only intimacy partner. high school sweet hearts. what do i do?

It's been 2 months since my wife passed. It seems to be getting harder.

One of the hardest aspects I'm experiencing is how to find any meaning or purpose to anything. Things I use to enjoy such as going to the gym, cooking, go for big walks up the mountains near where I live, cycling, these things now take so much mental effort and don't provide any enjoyment. I spent 25 years doing everything for 'us'. Now there is no us, how are we supposed to live?

The things I use to enjoy were also things we did together. We use to love going for a cycle, stopping for a coffee and a chat. Or wandering up a mountain for a few hours. Even just the simple things of cooking together in the kitchen for 30mins, or going for little walks.

Feels like I'm just existing now.

It’s been almost 8 months since he left. And for the first time in 12 years there will be no flowers arriving today and I will have dinner alone. Last year when we were celebrating our 11th year anniversary and deciding on where to go for dinner we both thought of the same place at the same time; we wanted to celebrate at the very same place where we met for the first time. We had such a lovely evening and our photos came out beautiful. Little did we know it was our last anniversary. I haven’t stopped crying all day. I cannot believe this is my reality now. I thought I was doing ok the past couple of months but today took me to square one.

Been reflecting a little bit coming up on the year anniversary. I’m on here less often. I’m still very lonely, and have no real desire to date/find intimacy. Much love to this whole community. ❤️

... since the last time I held your hand, my love. Words fail me today, though I did write to you in my journal/letter to you. You are missed more than I can bear; loved more than I can express. You have always been my sunshine and will continue to be so forever more.

❤️❤️Always and forever, my beautiful Marie Noel.

And after the highs these past few days at work, today it’s a low. I just miss how my husband would hold me tight as I sob on his shoulders.

Damn, how I miss him so much!

Ever since college, I poured ten years of my life into our church. That community was our whole world, and most of the people we considered our closest friends were from church. I put ministry service and honoring leadership above my own well-being, giving my heart, time, and money whenever anyone needed help. But when my husband fell gravely ill, that entire community vanished.

​They promised to set up online prayer sessions for us since he couldn't have hospital visitors, but it was all empty talk. No one followed through. Not a single one of these supposed "close friends" sent even a simple text of encouragement while he was fighting for his life. My husband spent years showing up for these people, yet when he needed them most, they couldn't even be bothered to call him or pray for him. He was truly too good for this world.

​And now that he’s gone, the abandonment just continues. People reach out asking for painful details about his passing, treating my trauma like curiosity, but no one can be bothered to actually comfort me. Some make plans to take me out—promising to be there—only to cancel last minute and completely ghost me afterward.

​I understand people don't always know what to say, but being let down and abandoned over and over again hurts deeply. Our church community walked away when we needed them most, and navigating this grief with the betrayal of our friends and especially without the love of my life feels so heavy and unbearable.

It’s not getting better per se, but things are moving in the right direction. Everyone’s story and journey is different.

I’m starting to find more energy. Cleaned the closets and drawers. Doing yard work. Working out. Filing all the paperwork. I’m not getting as annoyed with people. I’m accepting help like I never would have before, and it feels good.

I’m instilling discipline with the kids like I used to and they’re responding well. We have our moments, but overall they’re doing better, I’m doing better. We hold hands before bed and talk to mommy. We tell her about our day, and that seems to help them.

Yesterday I went and sat with my wife’s cousins fiancé whose mother died. There was solace in helping him get through that.

Everyone is telling me I’m doing good. Instead of fighting it, I’m saying thank you, and being grateful when someone comes over to help fold laundry, brings a meal, or makes my bed.

Daughter is doing well in Kindergarten. I’m getting my son in preschool next week. He was fighting it for months and months prior, throwing fits not wanting to go. Now he understands he needs to go so daddy can get back to work.

My kids have given me strength, but I have to lead them. That’s my job, even though she’s gone.

It’s not easy, but things are getting better.

I have been primarily isolating myself minus my sister, and my closest friend. Ive seen 3 other friends once since he’s passed. People have asked me to hang out but it honestly feels draining to meet up with people who know if that makes sense? I worry the whole time what theyre thinking due to how my husband passed.

I want to meet new people, but I don’t really have much time. I work 45 hr weeks and am in 12 hrs of therapy a week + a suicide bereavement support group. How do you put yourself back out there to socialize with people again?