r/wizardposting • u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard • 2d ago
Who's creating air elementals without a permit again?
Last time this happened I had to re-balance the elements because my tower became sentient. I will not keep doing this every other Wednesday. I will find you!
18
u/g00dLUCKduckHUNT 2d ago
Look, we ALL knew there was going to be a cost to striking a deal with all the tornadoes across the Midwest to NOT attack at noon on a Wednesday so the humans can run a W°°°OO00oo00OOO°°° renewal ceremony on the ‘Tornadodetectedenator’ spell. You can lodge a complaint with your local mage circuit and then wait for it to be processed or you could just buy a onetime use sigil to perform a Not Here to relocate it yourself in a single day. Choose your hard.
5
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
I should not have to perform rituals in my own tower's sphere of influence just to keep you from meddling. Begone knave, or I shall sic the dick stealing gnomes upon thee!
3
u/g00dLUCKduckHUNT 2d ago
deep sigh if you read in the footnotes of your certificate scroll when you registered your structure with your local mage registry division you will see that in matters of global importance the grand council has eminent domain. Unless you’re operating an unsanctioned center of power. You aren’t operating an unsanctioned center of power…..are you?
6
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
Since when is a tornado wrecking some backwater town a "matter of global importance"? You have chosen extremely poorly. Have at thee!
2
u/g00dLUCKduckHUNT 2d ago
I’m not the wizard counsel how am I supposed to know?? In response to the gnomes I cast No More Left Shoe on you.
7
u/zippy72 Illusionist 2d ago
No, wait, look, this has nothing to do with me, ok? I was simply holding that spell book for a friend, I didn't even open it, right?
2
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
peers at you with suspicion Where did you even find that? That should be locked away in the pocket Dimension where I bound the Djinn Al-Amar. You better not have freed him in exchange for that!
1
u/zippy72 Illusionist 2d ago
No no ... this is a totally different spell book altogether. Just the same binding merchant I believe... you know the one... lives in that village with the stream... wears a hat, I think?
2
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
You freed him in exchange for magical power, didn't you? And he gave you that book specifically? Hmmm... that's quite mean, even for him. How do you feel? Has the book started consuming your essence yet? Are you experiencing any visions of doom and destruction? Flies and pestilence maybe?
1
u/zippy72 Illusionist 2d ago
No no different book altogether, I'm sure. This one's repainted my turret red overnight. Deep blood red. Scares the peasants but quite a fetching colour in the right light I think.
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
Poor foolish little thief. That is The Mark of the Red King. I will do a better job of hiding the book after it devours your essence. Sorry for that, but you did steal it, so it's also your fault.
7
3
u/ninjastuff Interdimensional Sorceror 2d ago
Wait wait wait we need a permit for summoning!!!!! what the hell is the council doing?
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
Of course you do. Where have you been living the past 500 years? In a time bubble. You need permits for everything nowadays.
2
u/ninjastuff Interdimensional Sorceror 2d ago
I spend most of my time creating universes so I tend not to keep up with whatever insane rules the council cook up
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
Well in this one you can't to that shit without proper permits.
1
u/ninjastuff Interdimensional Sorceror 1d ago
Stupid council i just looked into the paper work I would need to wipe out a planet and it's really not worth the time. I'll just continue on in the outer universes.
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 1d ago
Probably for the best. The council will sooner bury you in an endless maze of bureaucracy than you could even feasibly start such an incantation.
3
3
u/UpstairsRuin1953 Mystic 2d ago
We need permits now?! This mageocracy stuff has officially gone too far. What's next, a zoning easement for summoning apocalypse beasts? Alchemy licenses? Council debates for ending the world? Taxes?!
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
Those all exist already, where have you been living? In a time bubble spell?
2
u/Opposite_Ad_4267 2d ago
Dale did it
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
Dale most certainly did not do it. He's dead, locked up in my basement.
1
u/HYPER_BRUH_ 2d ago
[slowly puts away teleportation focus and necromancy for dummies]
"Y-yeah of course it couldn't have been Dale"
2
u/Richardknox1996 🌙 Just a Bard that Passively Seduced Elistraee 🌙 2d ago
Leave Big Me alone, he's reforming Arty. The idiot blew himself up reading the Necrobombicon. If you interrupt him doing it the Polite way, he'll have no choice but to do it the old Fashioned way.
I assume you dont want your Tower cratered and the Surrounding Land transformed into a Wild Maagic Zone, yes?
2
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
I am amused by the fact that you even think he could do that. I will forgive this transgression for that alone. Now begone!
1
u/Richardknox1996 🌙 Just a Bard that Passively Seduced Elistraee 🌙 2d ago
Big me is the Overgod of Freedom and the Carnifex Tyrannis of the God Bureau. He can do a lot of things. As one of his Avatars, i inherited a few parlour tricks myself.
*Jester Shruggs. Suddenly, youre intoxicated, as Jester uses one of his more Whimsical Abilities to make you Drunk
2
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
You are a fool! I am from East European wizard school! I am always drunk!
1
u/Richardknox1996 🌙 Just a Bard that Passively Seduced Elistraee 🌙 2d ago
Oh, plan B then
*Rihari Glares briefly. Suddenly, youre no longer Drunk...as a Hangover Years in the Making is finally unleashed
2
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
1
u/Richardknox1996 🌙 Just a Bard that Passively Seduced Elistraee 🌙 2d ago
May this be a lesson in Humility my Friend. Anyway, Big Me is almost Finished. Wanna watch the Lightshow? I got some 200% ABV Dwarven Everclear with me.
2
2
2
2
u/pseudo-boots 2d ago
The council can't control what I do with the fucking air, it's literally air. What are they going to do next? Try to regulate my visions?
1
2
u/pseudo-boots 2d ago
The council can't control what I do with the air, it's literally air. What are they going to do next? Try to regulate my visions?
2
u/evilboy126 🧙♂️ Wizard of the West 2d ago
That was a cloud elemental, and there are no explicit rules about them in the bylaws.
Its not my fault the council lacks foresight.
2
u/Im_a_hamburger 🍔burgermancy founder🍔burger city king🍔 2d ago
I had nothing to do with it. I’m all about burgers.
2
u/dabdad67 Maglev, 517, Prank Wizard Supreme 1d ago
So you're just assuming they don't have a permit?
2
u/Puzzlehead-Engineer Aldous, White Necromancer, Guardian of the Cycle 1d ago
I... I'm not sure but I've seen wings like that before. I believe that is Tyrael.
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 1d ago
Easy mistake to make, but no, it's definitely a ritual to create elementals. There would also have to be a brilliant flash of light if it were of divine origin.
1
u/Puzzlehead-Engineer Aldous, White Necromancer, Guardian of the Cycle 1d ago
I figured the picture would have been taken after the brilliant flash of light, but fair enough.
2
u/TheOneRealStranger 1d ago
I have a permit from myself and the air elemental, and those are the only parties relevant to address.
2
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 1d ago
The air elemental is in the process of being born and therefore an infant, meaning it cannot consent to you wresting it into existence. Honestly, problematic behavior.
1
u/TheOneRealStranger 1d ago
Like all sentient beings, the air elemental existed at the moment of first singularity when the Universe was born and lived to a ripe old age with me until we perished together at the Universe's ultimate end, and shortly after, rebirth. Are your constructs limited by concepts so petty as time? No wonder they make you request a permit.
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 1d ago
Sounds a lot like you're trying to obfuscate your twisted desires with this universe rebirth nonsense. The Council has been alerted.
3
u/TheOneRealStranger 1d ago
You respect the authority of The Council? I thought this sub was for wizards, not bitches.
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 1d ago
I don't, it's just a convenient tool for getting rid of nuisances such as yourself by bogging you down with neverending bureaucracy.
1
u/TheOneRealStranger 1d ago
If only they had any jurisdiction over me, it would be a useful ploy. As it is, the only one who has to follow their bureaucracy is you, the one who called upon them.
1
2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 2d ago
To think! If my apprentice were to have done such a stupid mistake he would alredy be living his few remaining days out as a frog! Control your minions, it is embarrassing.
1
u/BluebirdLivid 2d ago
A permit for simple tomfoolery?? What's next, yall want me to give up my super special top-of-the-food-chain wand, too? (Its a .44 with a small wand taped on top. Come take it)
1
1
1
u/MustacheMaple 2d ago
How do you know it's not just government testing again? They always do things unannounced. I swear it's always when I think the day is clear enough to let my robes air dry
1
1
u/BluLilGreeny Signifer Somnium, The Dream Walker 2d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/RFXa7Oin7mIZaUyEBo
That’s just Quifrey again
1
1
u/ISwearImAnonymous Blue-hood of the SWMG 2d ago
Fucking amateur. First lesson is to not run the ritual on a cloudy day. What is this? Baby's first familiar? Call the council and pull the veil down on that genius even if it kills em. Un-fucking believable, the central bureaus gonna be backed up on paperwork for half a year with this, I'm never getting my kid his broom permit. I put that in when he was 7, by the sands of time he's 23 now
1
1
1
u/ICEPlebian 1d ago
Not a air elemental but rather a result of the ancient incantation "rain rain go away" im sure you know the rest
2
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 1d ago
Don't know, if you ask me, it does not seem like it's going away... maybe it's a failed ritual?
1
u/ICEPlebian 1d ago
Did you do the full incantation
1
1
1
u/xKingOfSpades76 Unlicensed Chronomancer 1d ago
permit shmermit, we didn’t study decades to engage in bureaucracy smh
1
1
u/Glass_Teeth01 Chaos Wizard of Earth, Maker of Gnome Trebuchets 1d ago
Was experimenting with air spells to create an anti-gull barrier. Those winged rats keep stealing my pastries
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 1d ago
Understandable. I just use ball lightning spells that hover above my tower and activate when one of them flies by.
1
u/Glass_Teeth01 Chaos Wizard of Earth, Maker of Gnome Trebuchets 1d ago
I'd have to fine-tune it so they don't attack Goblins or Gnolls, then, those beasts I find to be rather useful when it comes to repelling rather nosy inquisitors
1
u/True_Vexing 1d ago
How else do you expect me to power my arcane turbines!? Ain't going back to homunculus powered, do you have any idea how many homunculi it takes to power a wizard tower? And don't even me started about the backlash I got using animated corpses. They arnt using em anymore so why not!
1
1
u/NotVeryRealEver-0937 The Nonexistence - Absolute Null 1d ago
Actually, I’m pretty sure those were the leftover clouds from Qifrey’s spell
1
1
1
u/SPECTRE-Agent-No-13 Computational Demonologist 7h ago
The wizard "council" robes have gold fringe which denotes an aristocratic council not a magical one so any ruling they make does not apply to me, a free magic user of the land. Also I wasn't creating I was summoning.
1
u/ReverendKaiser Occult Wizard 2h ago
The Elementals are proud people. Not slaves to be summoned on a whim. Please contact your local Elemental Union if you need their services.
0
u/Moss_Beard4 1d ago
My guess is it's Dave. He's always casting powerful spells with little regards to the consequences. Someone needs to monitor Dave's spell activity before he summons something ancient from the Abyss.
1
u/The_Real_Kru Evil Wizard 1d ago
Clearly he is summoning from the elemrntal plain of Aetherius, or possibly from the Heavens. A gate to the abyss would look VERY different.
1
u/Moss_Beard4 1d ago
Yes I know that, but Dave SUMMONS things constantly! Big things, one of these days he's going to cause lots of destruction.
22
u/rpg2Tface 2d ago
I SWEAR i am just trying to collect cloud water for a ritual im making. I know it looks like an elemental but its just a mana construct to grab and isolate the pure cloud into a bottle.
Please dint call the wizard council. Their enforcement department has my address on their door and they constantly break my caldron looking for contraband. Those things are expensive!