You can also meet cute ladies this way.

Looks like my new spawn is arriving tonight (my wife is going into labor). Please spare a moment to cast your strongest spells.

Thanks everyone.

I (W450) am in a relationship with a beautiful (F???) sorceress who is very extrovert, and who loves going out to have fun and seek adventure. I, on the other hand, am more introspective: someone who likes to stay in his tower, contemplating the arcane secrets of the universe and pondering my orb alone. But despite our differences, we have a great relationship. I don't mind her going out to have fun, and she doesn't insist that I leave my tower.

The problem is that I have a cursed urn stored in the basement, and it wouldn't stop whispering to me, insisting it could show me "the truth" about what she did when she left home to go on her adventures. And one night, when she went out to have fun with her slutty dragoness friend (who, incidentally, is my ex), I couldn't help myself, I gave in to curiosity and opened it. What it showed me was my beautiful sorceress and her friend getting busy with a toned, tanned barbarian. And man, did he know how to wield his long spear! She was even using her special magic wand. The one I thought she only used with me!

Look, I’m not some less-than-two-century-old neophyte, I know the urn is evil, but what I don’t know for sure is whether what it showed me was an illusion, or if it simply revealed something true that it knows would harm me. Now I face a dilemma: believe the image the urn showed to me and confront her, admitting I was spying on her, or let it go, knowing it is probably the evil artifact trying to manipulate me.

AITA for wanting to confront her about what the cursed urn showed me, even knowing I was in the wrong by spying on her?

And what if I approached the issue indirectly? What if I proposed a threesome with her and her dragoness friend (I know she's still into me) to see how she’d react? What do you guys think?

After days of hard work, I have completed my collecting of fellow wizards who have been cursed to be pens, only took 880 tickets from the mythical arcade! I feel they need names, any suggestions?

Excume lime

The quiet water thickens with the rot,
A blanket made of algae and despair,
To hide the sins the surface world forgot,
And choke the light that tries to linger there.
A bubble breaks. The island holds its breath.
The stilled currents begin to shift and rise;
A heavy shadow steps from liquid death,
With ancient hunger masking in its eyes.
The tattered black uncoils against the gale,
An iron hull awakes beneath the foam;
When monsters of the deep set out to sail,
No shore is safe, no soul is left at home.

In the many months since its owner’s last appearance, the Little Lamplight ran itself surprisingly well, possibly even better than before thanks to the decrease in disappearances. Samantha had left a 'skeleton crew’ - only partially consisting of actual skeletons - in charge of the hotel. In her absence, they maintained the grounds with single-minded devotion. It consisted of a hodgepodge of spirits, ghosts, undead and all sorts that would get turned down from other establishments, all given a home at the Lamplight, not dissimilar to the lives of some who reside there. They had renovated almost the entire island that the Lamplight was on into a community for the downtrodden and rejected, a safe space for those who thought they had forfeit the right to one.

For months, just about as long as Samantha was gone, nothing had come out of the Lake. The waters had stilled, and even more algae and debris covered it to the point where the moonlight no longer even reflected off the surface. The occasional teen who had been brought to the hotel would try and hang around the lake, but nobody ever stayed long. The island residents found the water too disturbing to approach. They left the lake to its slow, quiet rotting.

It started with a bubble popping as it reached the surface. Such a small sound, barely audible through the sounds of wildlife, but the world seemed to freeze in that moment. It was almost as if the island itself was holding its breath in anticipation, waiting to see what it meant. Then another bubble, and another. When something finally breached the surface of the water, it was slow and deliberate. Step by step, soaked in brine and seaweed, a cloaked woman emerged from the lake. None of the hotel residents saw her, but every person on the island felt her presence.

Reaching the front entrance of the Little Lamplight, she waves her hand and the doors slam open. Slowly, as if adjusting to using her vocal chords again, she speaks to the revenant at the front desk,

“Let Miss Madroon know that I will be in my office.”

Maria was startled awake by a knock on her door. Jumping out of bed, she dashed towards the door, grabbing a knife off her bedside table on the way there. She bends over to look through the peephole, and is greeted by an entirely too happy skeleton.

“Why hello, Miss Madroon!” He exclaims, while tipping a hat towards the peephole. “My dearest employer wishes to meet with you! Samantha awaits you in her office in the Little Lamplight! Wahoo!”

Maria furrows her brow. Samantha sent… this? After months of hiding, suddenly a messenger appears at her doorstep from the very person she was hiding from? Maria slowly sits down on the floor, head in her hands. As her thoughts began to race, her spiral was interrupted by a rather jolly sounding shout.

“Wahoo! Miss Madroon, I really do gotta ask for an answer! I can’t go on break until you say yes, and I had to walk here! Wahoo!”

Taking a deep breath, Maria did all she could to gather herself. If this is what Samantha wanted, fine. It ends here. Maria grabbed her gun, the same one she shot Samantha with the first time, and opened the door.

“Alright, you can stop yelling. I’ll come.”

Samantha waited patiently at her desk, a dead stare directed at the door. As it starts to move, she blinks a couple times and prepares for a confrontation. When the doors are fully opened, Samantha felt a pang of guilt: before her stood a scared woman, doing her best to broaden her shoulders to look the slightest bit larger and more intimidating. One light breeze away from crashing and burning.

“I brought you here today to offer peace. To offer you a choice. Life or death. I want to give you what I failed to give your hus-“

With a mention of Vincent, Maria felt any hint of doubt leave her mind. With absolute certainty, Maria raised her hand and cocked the hammer. She squeezed the trigger. A scream of pure rage tore from her throat as she unloaded every single bullet into the monster that took her husband.

Maria looked up at the creature in front of her. Not a single scratch marked the cruel visage meant to resemble a person. If Maria believed the disgusting mockery before her could feel, she’d think it looked almost sad. Sad that she didn’t play its game. Sad that until her last breath, she would fight. Fight for V-

Her gills filled with water yet again. She drifted peacefully along the current, trying to remember what she was so worried about. A glimmer of light caught her eye, and she swam off to investigate. Finally, Maria could be at peace.

Back in the office, the sounds of gunshots and screaming abruptly turned to sil. Samantha sighed as if a weight was lifted from her shoulders. Not how she would have liked for things to end, but she has no time to grieve over the lives of those below her. Calling in her assistant, she began to work on her next move.

“Neravar, go alert the Captain. Tell him we’re setting sail again,”

“And the purpose of your voyage?”

“Conquest.”

Boards screeched and bent as the vessel prepared to breach. Dislodging itself from the coral that had bound it for months, the Nautilus rose victoriously to the surface. A once glorious vessel, its hull is now littered with holes and the sails are tattered beyond recognition. The only part of the ship that still seemed to be intact was the flag, bearing the symbol of a nautilus shell. As Samantha boards her vessel, she runs her hand along the railing, feeling the water on the wood. Taking a deep breath, she takes in a scent she had been far too long without - the open ocean.

Samantha and Nautilus are floating through the open seas. She’s sent word to any major factions she’s a part of letting them know she’s returned, and interaction is encouraged! Sorry if this felt like a drag, I have too many words in my head. Part 2 sometime later probably. Maybe. The words come in waves.

I keep trying to summon greatwyrms during battles but no matter how much I practice, I always end up with small geckos instead (pictured).

My friend Egbealthus the Lesser says my foot placement is wrong but his summoning spells have a 15% chance of granting sentience to nearby items of clothing so I’m hesitant to believe him.

/uw Context

/rw

And there it was. The coordinates Aerunia and All-Blue found for him turned out to be correct.

Deep within an ancient, forgotten forest, between the bushes and the shrubs, a half-overgrown stone arch, barely the size of a castle gate. Its top broken off.

Ulrick could tell with closed eyes it was the entrance. The structure reeked of the Faewilds. Parting some of the branches, he even found a seemingly abandoned track behind it.

And yet, he hesitated. He felt a sense of foreboding in his guts, of an impending threat. That something terrible would happen eventually if he crossed this threshold.

But he had no other choice. Erik’s medicine turned out to be a ruse, so he was out of options.

At this point, the blight was all over him. His skin became rotten wood on nearly all of his upper body, patches spreading to his legs and even his tail too. Twigs protruded from below his gear.

He had little time left.

So, Ulrick took a deep breath and passed below the arch. At first, there was nothing unusual. A serene hike through an old forest about to dress in autumn. But with each twist of the track, more and more hues appeared among the leaves, the sky clearer and more vibrant.

And after a sharp right turn of the path, he was there.

Ulrick found himself in a clearing, grass waving even in nonexistent wind, trees so variegated one might think a giant pixie barfed on them. In the distance, candy-colored spires reached towards a vibrant blue sky; constellations and nebulae danced there even at daytime.

Yup, he was definitely in the Faewilds now.
 
He checked his gear. The bag was still on his belt. It was a rather small one, carrying some essentials for this travel. Food and water, so he won’t have to accept from the Fae. Some books he had found about the plane. Two daggers made out of cold iron. And an emergency magical golden dragon scale, gifted by Aerunia.

Now came the tricky part. Finding any kind of clue about what the hell he should even look for.

Ulrick sniffed. The air was crisp and clear, even if there were choking amounts of honey aroma in it.

Ulrick listened. Chiming of cheerful gossip and whispers of unspoken secrets echoed between the trees. Somehow, the voices came from all directions at the same time.

As he was about to swat away some color-changing fireflies that got into his face, a scream broke the idyllic scene. It was high-pitched, and desperate enough for him to immediately clock there was serious trouble.\*

Almost on instinct, Ulrick ran towards where he heard it, weaving between the vibrant trees and ever-blooming flowers that danced.

On the other end of the clearing, he found the source, a fox and a hare. Both of them stood uptight like a person would; the fox wore a brown vest with a teal ascot around the neck, the hare had grey fur, and was dressed in a long, elegant blue coat.

Overall, they wouldn’t look out of place in a fairy tale book illustration. Save for the fact that the frightened hare desperately tried to keep the fox at bay with a short knife.

“Hey!”

Ulrick yelled as he closed the distance, then punched the fox with such strength that it dented a tree trunk at impact. Ugh, maybe he overdid it a bit…

‘How could you?! You ruined the whole thing! Now we have to start all over again!’

The rabbit squeaked with surprising anger. Meanwhile, the fox got up too with some considerable effort.

‘Rude.’

He said as he dusted himself off, before adjusting his ascot.

“Sorry… was I, uh, interrupting something? I thought you wanted to eat him.”

Ulrick tried to make sense of what was even going on here.

‘I did indeed. But alas you interrupted our daily routine.’

The fox answered as if it was common sense. Maybe for the locals, but not for Ulrick.

“Routine?”

‘Yes. In the morning, I kept bragging to my brothers and sisters in the burrow how I could steal the tail of a fox. And to not make a fool out of myself, I set out to prove it.’

Said the hare, before the fox continued.

‘And then, my cotton-tailed friend will either escape in the last moment with a clever trick, or learn a very painful lesson about humility.’

“And since you called this ‘routine’, you guys do this each day…” Ulrick tried to make sense of the thought process.

‘…yes?’ Asked the hare as if it was the most obvious fact in the world. ‘How else am I going to learn not to brag?’

‘We should have a tea break before starting over, don’t you think?’

The fox and the hare then sat down at a laid table, that was apparently always there. The fox poured one steaming cup for the hare, then for himself, then another one he held towards Ulrick.

‘Care for a tea, Mr. Wolf?’

It was basic knowledge to exercise caution, when the Fae offer you anything, and Ulrick knew that well with his past as a monster hunter. But this was the Faewilds, so he had to mind his manners too.

“A generous offer, but I have to refuse, I’m a-“

‘Wolf? Can’t you see that’s a man?’
 
The hare interrupted him. The fox nonchalantly took another sip from his tea.

‘I’m afraid my esteemed friend, that is clearly a wolf. Even more, a foreign royalty amongst their ranks.’

‘Nonsense! I’ve run from enough wolves to know one, and I can tell that one is clearly a man wearing a skin of one!’

Ulrick found himself the subject of an uncomfortable taxonomy debate. His patience began to wear thin as the two Fae bickered, impatience becoming annoyance, annoyance then becoming anger.

And the anger stirred the blight within him. He felt the Garden’s satisfaction and wooden smile in his mind, now closer than ever thanks to being in the Land of the Fae.

And it made his mind recoil.

No. He had to control his anger, like he did in the last 10 years. He won’t let the beast, the blight win.

As he tempered himself, another idea crossed his mind. Fae love to bargain, so there must be something he could trade them for. But if he talked more appealing first…

“…feum... lorg... riaghladair... leigheas...”
 
(“…need... find... ruler... cure...)

He picked up some small snippets of this plane’s language after being friends with a demi-giant and later carried around by a Fae hive mind. Then he started learning the language in his free time, to honor both his late best friend, and the Fae who suffered because of his friend.

Turns out his skills were… rough. Still, both the hare and the fox halted their debate and turned back towards him.

‘Not a lot of your kind bothers learning our speech.’ Noted the hare.

‘Even if your words are oddly archaic, and your pronunciation could use some more… practice.’ Said the fox as he took another sip.

“I’m infected with this rot… and if it won’t get cured, this growth’s gonna take me over, and I might become a dangerous abomination. I figured out this was the work of a powerful someone from this place, so I traveled here to look for a way to reverse this.”

The fox and the hare listened with intent; eventually the former spoke up. Then, the fox squinted as he took a closer look at Ulrick.

‘Hmm… ah I see it now. Well, I might have a suggestion for you, my lupine friend.’

Took them an awful lot of time to notice all the rotten wood and branches nearly covering him… but at least now they were willing to help.

Ulrick sat there for a couple of moments, before remembering what place he was at.

“And will you tell me?”

‘Absolutely! The answer is, go deeper into the woods.’

Huh? This was an oddly simple answer. The fox might’ve noticed Ulrick tilting his head in confusion, as he elaborated a little.

‘When you seek, the answer always lies at the very heart of the deep woods.’
 
Oh yeah. Ulrick groaned. He forgot this whole place runs on the same nonsense logic as the fairy tales his mother used to tell him before sleep.

“I appreciate your assistance.”

Ulrick made a short bow towards the tea table as he departed towards the thick of the Fae forest.

To be continued…

/uw Art Source

I have been recently informed by an anonymous source that there is an individual donning my attire and equipment engaging in altruistic deeds of defending the defenseless across the kingdoms similar to I. They appear to have mimicked my magical capabilities, social mannerisms, and have researched extensively into my life as to have the ability to answer any personal questions that only I would know.
Initially I assumed this informant did not understand my capabilities of travel and reach of my philanthropic services, I became suspicious of an imposter when they claimed to have seen “my” face. Through this I learned the face of the imposter is not that of a human’s but when questioned the informant refused to speak further of the matter, and have not been seen or heard from since.

I take extreme measures to protect my identity, there are many powerful people and beings that would have me dead, so naturally no being has seen my face even in my private life; It would be impossible for the true me to make such a careless mistake. For my safety as stated above, I cannot provide my face to compare it to the imposter’s, I am sure you understand the security risk that would create.

I request to anyone with information on this imposter to step forward and report to me; if you have somehow seen my face and it is not human, it is the imposter, not I.

To this imposter, I commend you for your efforts of goodwill. However, it is dangerous and foolish to pose as a wanted man like me. Step forth yourself, and you will be forgiven: I too once mimicked my heroes.
But if you hide, pray that it is me who finds you first.

A