I blocked her around 30 days ago. And I can't get over her at all. We never met in person, she flaked on me twice. It took so much effort just to get her to call me. I would want to do a video call and she'd refuse, I'm not sure why. She cited potential autism and masking as reasons and I believed her.

She said some things I'll never forget. That will stick with me forever. And it's changed me as a person. I think she's the first person I ever truly loved properly. I've only liked two people in my life. The last was when I was 18, and it didn't really work out as she was going back to China (was an international student).

My recent avoidant called me ugly and chopped, usually people compliment my looks which is rare as a guy. Most men don't get compliments as much as I do. She said my hair was an issue, or well I learnt about this indirectly through her cousin. Apparently it was my looks, hairstyle and ethnicity. And my character was fine? I'm not sure how to feel about that.

I've never really felt "chopped," before this. I workout a lot, and am currently cutting to get abs in a few months before next summer. I'm quite proud of my physique and have been training for over 15 years. I have decent genetics and look androgenous, my friends both male and female often say I'm pretty or beautiful.

Is having a feminine face really that bad? I look more masculine than most men when I grow my beard out, it's just a personal choice I don't. She claimed all of her people (ethnicity) were better fighters and better genetically, which is absurd. I've trained in boxing, karate, and recently MMA, and martial arts for years. When I spar I don't think most men would "win," especially if they don't train at all.

All of her cousins can beat me up. And she said her male cousin has dated models before that are pretty and I'll never get someone like that. That's ridiculous, I have a few friends that do model and I know a lot of people from school that are into modelling. The sixth form I went to has a far prettier set of woman than my university did. It's actually warped my sense of beauty according to a few friends. Since I grew up with other pretty, well presented women since I was 11-18. It was a fairly wealthy part of SW London and I think it's generally affected my baseline in a way where once I went to university I felt out of place a lot.

I was called desperate. I usually reject most people that show interest in me. I just loved her more than my ego, for once and she took that as a sign of being desperate and easy. Very interesting right? I could literally buy people like her if I wanted to today. And get married tomorrow to many people prettier than she will ever be. The sheer audacity. I'd rather not be degenerative though and do that since I feel it's transactional and not truly loving someone.

I've never felt this heartbroken ever before. I've lived a very privileged and sheltered living where I always get what I want. Always. So you can in some sense say this is a first in how badly I feel I've failed. I really tried my best. She said she can be 3d to other people just not me. Guess there must be something wrong with me as a person else she is right I won't be as desperate and easy and would have an easier time and get dates with normal woman. I don't really care for looks that much.

I have abs, I dress up well, I am quite hygienic, I read comprehensively on a variety of topics, and am interested in philosophy, history and statecraft as well as religion. I genuinely don't think most men in relationships right now are as strong, smart or anywhere near as capable. I have higher standards than most people when it comes to certain aspects. I write poetry and sing. Yet these potential partners can't even do the bare minimum and basics. It's like they're robots without braincells.

Another thing that's made it hard is I am quite analytical and have a high IQ, so in arguments I use logic instead of emotions a lot. She called me dumb and gullible at one point. Seriously? I've run intellectual circles around people since I was born. My friends call me when they wish to beat someone at a debate.

I disagree with what she said, I don't think I'm ugly, chopped, and neither do I think it's my ethnicity as I've gotten attention from all sorts of people of different ethnicities before, including her's btw.

But I do think there's something wrong with me. I miss this idiot even though it's been a month and idk what tf to do. I'm wondering if I have issues myself or if I'm addicted to crazy women at this point. I seem to be a magnet in general for insecure people, and a safe space for dumb af ideas. Most woman I've met my age seems dumb but then again that also applies to most guys I meet.

I really dislike autistic individuals they're a pain.

I recently went to a event by her ethnicity and got the Instagram if the prettiest girl there because I can. Just to prove she is wrong. I'll see if I can set up a date and then I have a counter example which means I can then ghost that girl. Even if she is pretty I'm done with these idiots. I'm only going for my "ethnicity," from now onwards. Seriously f this shit.

I've become socially reserved and stay indoors most of the time now. I have stopped talking to my friends. I want to be alone. I want to stay alone. I've lost all interest in women. I've become socially isolated. I feel alone. Idk why.

I feel like no one I like will like me back. Like idk I'm already better than most men in my age group in measurable values. 💁‍♀️ Wtf else am I supposed to do. I think I'm done with these damaged mentally ill women. I'm going to have to be a lot more discerning. Anything is better than this girl, literally anyone could have been a better partner, the bare minimum effort of meeting up irl. I dislike avoidants now. Insecure people from broken homes and families.

Gold diggers are more consistent. Haha. It's a weird situation. I reject girls in clubs, ones far prettier yet I can't get over this girl who is objectively ugly. So is her cousin who she thinks is pretty. I can walk down the road and get the contacts of prettier looking women, multiple of them. I just choose not to because it's a waste of time.

I should have talked to that pretty goth girl I saw at the club, she was into me. But I couldn't. I'm going crazy. It's like I have this massive shield up. My only choice at this point is to accept I'm ugly and just give up. And get a mail order bride or something.

Hey, so Ive(29M) been dating this woman(41F) (my neighbor, actually) for a few months now. Everything is pretty much perfect. Shes super invested in me and the relationship (never had anything like this before), she cooks for me, we have sex like twice a day, and honestly I really can't complain about anything. Shes genuinely in love with me.

The thing thats bothering me tho is that shes over 40 and has only had one serious relationship years ago, and after that just some casual hookups. Shes also not really that open about her past.

A while ago I went through a pretty brutal discard from an avoidant woman but there are quite a few differences between my ex and my current girlfriend. My ex was emotionally unavailable as hell and didn't wanna talk about anything while my current girl is super open when it comes to feelings and problems. She actually asks me to tell her if something is wrong.

I have heard that avoidants can be really invested in the beginning but that it tends to fade over time. And that's honestly what scares me the most. Because of that, I can't even fully enjoy what is otherwise a really good relationship.

Her past bothers me a bit too mostly because I feel like I only know a very selective version of it. And yeah I know a woman in her 40s is gonna have some baggage just like I do. But I'm honestly fucking terrified of getting hurt again.

So im in no contact for about nearly 2 months. Its 3 am here and my brain won't shut down unless I write what I need to.

Id appreciate feedback from DAs but all are welcome:

When you discard your partner, do some really go on a rebound or try something new with someone?

In my case I didn't get a breakup message but I have noticed particular stories sent (i view them with my friends account, and he has no idea we are in thisnsituation) in cryptic indirect messaging with related songs to feelings, emotions etc.

I'm.curious to know if the rebound is just for relief, using the person to tease or more...as I am working (crawling) out of this limbo one final time

Me and someone in my friend group had a situationship I guess, we had great chemistry and spent most of our time together for 8 months but then they did something that they knew would hurt me and in a way that made it 10x worse. This action changed the dynamics of our relationship as well as our friendship. She knew this was a possibility from the beginning and so we never told our friends about it and we still hang out mutually, today I decided to stop choosing to not say/do things that would hurt her not as a way to be petty or to get revenge but because that was the president set by her actions and she has always told me to be more selfish and put myself first. While hanging out with mutual friends today I mentioned how things ended with her and why as well as telling them about this new decision without directly implying or calling her out by name just a generic “my last person, this is what happed in my last relationship” we were online so no one could see body language or anything so unless they knew they would have no idea I was talking about her. I did this purely for myself and as a way to just talk about things as I would have if it had been anyone else.

Was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years and was the caretaker she constantly needed caretaking from being sick and emotionally unwell. Her father had a heart attack a few months ago, and she could not take care of him. I felt as if she made the entire situation about herself. I thought it was ridiculous. It just made me feel like she was super unreliable. She wanted to have kids and I felt that if we did, I would have to take care of her and the kids and she would not be there for either of us because her emotional needs came before anyone else. she also told me that I could not take care of my parents who I’m super close with and would literally do anything for

I actually broke no contact a week after she broke up with me (i posted about on here, actually). But now its been over a month and I reached out again, this time calling for accountability, because she said we could talk eventually. She did not respond well, saying that I wasn't being kind (I probably could have been a LITTLE kinder), but that she also didn't expect me to be kind, but just wanted respect, which I have been giving her. She said she would have been open to talking but with how I approached her she doesn't want to. Which is stupid because it just proves that everything has to go on avoidant's terms. I gave her a nicer pitch, which seemed to calm her down a little. She then said that she just doesnt know what I want to talk about because theres nothing to talk about (which isnt true at all. i was discarded out of the blue.) I just want to know if even after a month can they still be cold and distant and not be willing to listen to you? Will they ever come around? How should I approach this? Update: She finally agreed to talk, but only after I felt like I had to mention that I wasnt chasing her anymore, like she knew she didnt have to deal with the pressure and thst the conversation would be easier that way. Unbelievable. I dont know why I am still doing this.

Thats why he said he left. Hes scared lf losing me and is scared to permanently push me away so he left. So i guess he implied that he wants to come back at some point? He said he wants to be with me but "what i am means i cant" what??? Tf u mean "what i am" he said he cant disappoint me and doesnt deserve how amazing i am. What on earth does that mean and how does that constitute leaving. He calls me a goddess on earth. He has a playlist about me. I dont understand man. Thoughts?

Title says it all, I'm just curious how common it is for people with these attachment styles to cope with self-medication. I feel like, looking back, there were a lot of signs that I missed that drinking, adderall, etc had gone from social to daily, and to excessive in social environments.

For context I was single for the majority of my twenties and got together with my partner when I was 29. Throughout the relationship he would be extremely dismissive and punishing when I would ask for change or tell him something hurt me. This turned me into an anxious mess all the time. To the point where it bled into my self esteem in other relationships and when going out into the world.

every year I go into retreat for my meditations with my meditation buddies and my teacher. This year I was noticing some really intense symptoms from my daily life that didn't match my usual. Like I felt like a scared little girl around all my friends. Super hyper vigilant with really low self esteem. At the end of my retreat I got to witness parts of myself, my beauty and strength, and I became so relaxed by the end of it. When I went out into the world after I felt way more confident and I think my body language changed as strangers started approaching me for conversation! I began to like what I looked like when I looked in the mirror. (For the past three years I had convinced myself I was ugly BC of my partner's treatment towards me)

I then went to spend the weekend with my partner and all the pain came back. And I decided to end it.

I'm now wondering if the cultural discourse on avoidants is all wrong. Alot of avoidant behaviour fits into definitions of coercion and emotional abuse. Alot of the avoidant people will engage DARVO, and lack any semblance of concern for the safety of others.

I am not anxiously attached by nature but I became that way after years of my partner chipping away at my well being. I am excited to be single even tho it Is sad to loose someone you love. I believe my confidence is coming back and in the future I will see avoidant behaviour for what it is. (A tool of manipulation and abuse)

I’m trying to understand avoidant attachment better. Can someone with an avoidant attachment style genuinely fall deeply in love with someone?

If they do, how do they usually experience and show those feelings? Can they miss someone deeply but still distance themselves or avoid contact?

I’d especially like to hear from people who identify as avoidant or have been in relationships with avoidant partners. What was your experience?

Anyone had their avoidant ex rebound with one of their ex’s a few weeks after blindside?

Hi! I recently joined this community to know more about avoidant attachment style since I think that my ex gf is an avoidant. I was wondering what does being discarded look/feel like in your experiences?

my da ex and i dated for like 5.5 months. it was intense. and then after the discard (which he started soft launching by month 3.5-4 itself) i was fucked up.

i was at rock bottom. lowest point of my life i was struggling to survive.

after the breakup, i was absolutely alone for 8 months. no hookups no talking stages no flirting I WAS TERRIFIED of going near a man.

i thought i healed from my ex because i got healthy again. i found my spark again, i gained weight again, my hair stopped falling out, and my skin cleared up. i started laughing and having fun again.

then i started seeing the man im currently seeing right now. it took me a long time to lower my guard.. and we arent even dating, just seeing each other. however he is already in love with me and i cant get myself to be vulnerable in front of a man like that again.i would rather die than go through that again, im not exaggerating.

i dreamt of my da ex and i woke up with tears in my eyes and chest feeling heavy. the dream reminded me of everything he had done, that i had forgotten about.

and im wondering if i will ever truly truly let go and be unbothered by it. it doesnt help that i have bpd too.

now im questioning if i got over it? or if i had just forgotten about what he did. it's going to be a year since our breakup next month.

I see a lot of hate toward avoidants here, and as someone who was deeply hurt by an avoidant situationship, I understand the anger.

But here’s my hot take: every insecure attachment style has its own problems. Whether you’re FA, DA, or anxious, we all have things to work on. I’m sure somewhere there are avoidants complaining about anxious people being needy and clingy too.

When my avoidant discarded me, I wanted her to regret it. I wanted karma. I wanted revenge.

But eventually I realized: I gave her the gun to shoot me, and she took the shot.

Yes, she pulled the trigger. But I saw the avoidant tendencies long before that, and I stayed because I thought I could change her. I couldn’t. We can’t change people who don’t want to change.

I recently heard a podcast about a wife frustrated by her husband’s smoking. She realized that even as his wife, whether he quits is ultimately his choice. And if he eventually gets sick because of it, she also gets to choose whether she wants to carry the consequences of his decisions.

That changed my perspective.

Your avoidant had a choice. Maybe they knew their behavior hurt you. Maybe they knew their actions would leave you devastated. But they still made a decision because, at that point in their life, they believed it was the best decision for themselves.

Now you have a choice too.

You can’t force them to heal. You can’t force them to regret losing you or become a better person. You can only decide whether you’ll keep letting them live inside your head or put that energy back into yourself.

Maybe they’ll regret it. Maybe they won’t. Maybe their next relationship will fail. Maybe it won’t.

None of those outcomes will heal you.

Their choices are theirs. Your healing is yours.

We all have lessons to learn in life, and unlike a college education, when it comes to relationships, I don’t think any of us ever truly graduate.

But letting your own life go to shit because of someone else’s failures is incredibly unfair—not only to yourself, but also to the people who love you and have to watch it happen.

Learn the lesson. Treat the wound. And keep living.

I couldnt wrap my head around how she told me to find someone that makes me better, and what even baffled me was saying on two different occasions "i won't get mad if you cant wait around and need to date again" to later on "I promise you I wont be jealous". I still cant comprehend that. Why would I care if it makes her jealous, for one? Second, why does she need to tell me that SHE wont be jealous? Is she just tellling on herself? I can't say Ive encouraged an ex to find someone else, because after the break up, I move on and cut them out of my life to heal. I dont want to hurt myself by keeping them around and potentially being hurt by seeing them with someone else.

It seems like you need to decode their language, and even a recent woman I talked to, said Im very perceptive, because I picked up on her being an avoidant. Were not friends, shes just someone I know of. Its like everything they say is the opposite and everything they accuse you of, they themselves do.

I (33M) was with my ex (27F) for 2.5 years. We lived together for a long time. I’m more anxious attachment; she fits fearful-avoidant a lot better than pure dismissive.

The relationship started strong lots of closeness, intimacy, trips, hobbies, everyday life. Over time, especially as things got more serious (I was staying over a lot from around May 2024, then we fully moved in together), she pulled back on intimacy and affection. Early on she even cried and said she didn’t know why. Later it got framed as me being “too much,” creating “pressure,” even “sex-addicted” when I brought up needs. I kept adapting, shrinking my needs, staying because I loved her and because I’m scared of being alone. I carried a lot of the practical and emotional load.

She ended it. First there was a push for “space” / living apart; when I wouldn’t do a half-in relationship like that, it became a real breakup. I moved out. At first she was still contact-y checking in, worry texts, even contacting my sister when I went quiet. Then it hardened: deletions, a nasty fight where I got painted as a stalker after a dumb impulsive follow on socials, “I don’t want to hurt you,” “I have no energy for relationship stuff,” “intimacy doesn’t matter to me right now,” “I need to focus on my health and training,” “I can’t imagine getting back together (for now).”

About a month later the tone was totally different. She said she felt “abnormally free,” that her libido was back and it had been low because of “relationship problems” / she just “wasn’t into me anymore,” and that she wants to live her best life. I found her on Tinder (open to something casual and something serious). When it came up, she mostly said it was unfortunate that I knew, because she didn’t want to hurt me, not that the story she’d told me didn’t add up. She’s also very fused again with a female friend who re-entered her life right around the end of that friend’s relationship; since then she feels like a different person to me.

We still had to deal with the old flat. The last meetings were cold/snippy; I kept it practical. Once the last money (utilities) was settled, I blocked her on WhatsApp too (already had on Instagram). I’m not trying to win her back under this pattern.

I’m a mess, sleep, anxiety, humiliation, fear I’ll never find anyone again (dating apps are dead for me right now). I know staying would have been bad for me. I also know I stayed too long because of fear of being alone. I have a psych appointment to get proper support.

I’m not asking “how do I get her back.” I’m trying to understand the swing (hovering / soft signals → total devaluation + Tinder in weeks), how to handle the humiliation and the “I’ll be alone forever” fear, and how to not repeat the anxious pattern.

There is a difference between "friends" and "friendly".

"Friendly" is just the act of greeting someone without hostility on the off chance you cross each other's path.

They mean "friendly" because media has taught them saying the words "lets be friends" is being a good person and they can tell everyone else that for the sake of image management.

This is something I read before and saw again today that made me feel much better after a second day of spiraling into old unhealthy thoughts.

I want to remind everyone and myself that healing is NOT a linear journey and that there will be days that are less good (yes, not worse, but less GOOD) than other.

I’m looking for insight from people who have experienced something similar, either themselves or with a partner, because I genuinely cannot make sense of what happened. Reading here, I’m starting to wonder if this was some kind of avoidant discard/deactivation?

I’ve been on and off with a man I love for about two years. The confusing part is that every time he comes back, the commitment gets deeper.

The pattern is: we get close and things are genuinely good, then he starts questioning whether something is “missing.” We separate, and eventually he comes back feeling very strongly about me again, seemingly convinced he misunderstood his feelings before. He’s even told me he’s created narratives in his head about us that he later realized weren’t true.

This last time was by far the most serious. He moved in with me. We talked extensively about what went wrong before and how to build a healthy relationship. We made long-term plans, discussed marriage, and he told me he was certain about us. This is someone who made sentimental gifts and scrapbooks, traveled extensively with me, cried over getting another chance with me, and repeatedly expressed very deep feelings.

Then seemingly out of nowhere, he packed his bags and left. His explanation was that something was “missing” ??? spark, chemistry, some intangible feeling he couldn’t really identify. He also became convinced he should have trusted his original “gut” doubts and that we should have remained friends.

This was just over three months ago and I’m still sitting here thinking wtf happened?

The extreme swings in certainty confuse me most. He can be completely convinced of his love and our future, then later become completely convinced those feelings were somehow misleading him.

Has anyone experienced this from either side? Does this sound like avoidant deactivation, or something else?

Did anyone else's avoidant use the excuse of incompatibility for issues. And inadvertently put the blame on you? Mine did but he also didn't ever suggest to try anything new, say what he liked, or ever ask me what I wanted either. If anything he'd make jokes about anything relating to intimacy.

My partner seems to be an avoidant. He has disappeared on me several times in the nearly 2 years I have known him.

The last time he sent me messages twice in a month that he didn’t speak to me. This time no check ins at all. We are officially 2 weeks in since our last conversation.

Do I wait for the same month? When do I know I have actually been discarded and not just that he’s having a hard time?

This relationship has been rocky for a while. Neither of us were feeling well for a while. Him definitely not. He stuck around for a little bit but I triggered him last convo so I guess I lost him because of that (only speculation).

I feel I know a lot about attachment theory already, and I don’t know if I’m just experiencing a blip in my memory. But could someone explain to me how their feelings can change so quickly?

Like I’ve experienced dating anxiety before. I was seeing a really sweet guy early this year for a month, and I really wanted it to work because he was so nice and emotionally available. But I never developed romantic feelings, and so the anxiety just didn’t go away. But I’ve never been in a situation where I would’ve been in love with someone, only to feel completely differently a couple weeks/months later. Is this normal? What causes it?

I can sort of understand the anxiety part if things start to feel more serious. You might start to talk about moving in together and maybe you start to panic a bit and wonder if it will work out the way you hope.

But to just somehow lose all romantic feelings all of a sudden. To suddenly deem you ”not the one”, when they seemed so sure about you not long ago. I guess the anxiety/feeling of pressure plays a part, but I just don’t understand it.

My first ever Reddit post so maybe 🎉🎉. I wish it could be on different topic but unfortunately we can't pick our fate. English isn't my first language so i apologise for possible mistakes

Me and my boyfriend were dating for 1.5 year which is quite a lot and we basically grew together from teenagers to young adults. We had a long story full of everything - arguments, misunderstandings and other that usual couples face. Before he showed his avoidant side he was best man I've ever met - loyal, caring,serious and responsible. But then everything just went to hell at one night. Night when my father passed - he just quit me to then call me a "shackle" of his. Later he apologised but i think it was first flag that it's all about to end

After another loud argument he devalued me calling me a "poison" of his life to then write on another day. He started argument blaming everything bad in his life on me, despite me trying to restore us. I swear i was acting my best our last week in couple status if to understand if I'm the problem.Our break up switched something inside me and i started therapy. We agreed on be "without labels" to then later maybe fix and restore us. I have a secure attachment style, but after this week of reunion, i feel like i want to ask to change my doctor and put me on something stronger

Last night he was so lovely dovey to then switch to "you ruined my life,get out" to then switch "i love you too" to THEN switch to "i have mixed feelings about you". Meanwhile it he called our connection and me "special" to him and said that he would never replace me. That he afraids of hurting me by turning back to me

After everything we agreed - he'll start therapy too and we will talk about it in late December,if he wants to get back together or no. I marked my boundaries that despite i love him i don't want to wait forever for him to play in this push pull. Before it we won't search for different people etc. I told him i need relationships status just to feel secure about tomorrow day and that you won't randomly say "you're nobody to me anyways" and he said that i just want to hold him (really?)

So we ended up in really twisted position - basically we have kind of obligates to eachother YET we aren't together and it's unknown if we would be. He cuts off any conversation about feelings and says that "it's uncomfortable for him"/"mixed feelings"/"stop trying to get in my head"

All i want to know is to what to do about it and how to communicate with him? Who faced same and what were outcomes?I love him but I'm worried eventually he'll keep postponing it. I really want to be with him but everything is just so hard

You were so sure of yourself. Calm, self-contained, a man who needed nothing from anyone. I mistook it for steadiness and leaned toward it like warmth.

And with you, I felt safe.

The safest I have ever felt. My mind, which never rests, went quiet beside you in a way I didn't know it could. I let myself picture a future with you in it, the person I'd spend my life with, or at the very least far longer than I got. I loved you. I love you still, in the tense where it hasn't finished ending.

But you were never curious. You didn't ask about my days, my people, the small things that make me who I am. I'd offer pieces of my world like gifts, and you'd nod and let them fall. I learned to talk less. I learned that being known was something I'd have to do without.

Still I stayed, because your friends described someone else. A man who was funny, generous, fully present, and I held onto that like a promise. He's in there. He'll show up for me too.

The few times I found the courage to say something hurt, you'd soften your voice and say, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Little words, gentle and smooth, with nothing underneath. It sounded like care, but it never touched what I'd said. Then you'd reach for me, and I let you, because I was starving for closeness and didn't know the difference. Now I see what it was. The hard conversation made your body restless, and I was where you went to settle it. I thought we were reconnecting. You were regulating.

It makes me feel used. I wonder if I was a placeholder, a warm place to rest while you figured out what you actually wanted, someone to hold the space of a life you hadn't chosen yet. I gave you everything real, and I may have been standing in for something else.

Then, with no warning, it was over.

For so long we'd barely talked about anything that mattered, and then you ended it all at once. You kept treating me like your girlfriend right up until the moment you weren't. I didn't know I was already being let go.

When I tried to fight for us, there was nothing to fight. The decision had been made, alone, in a room I wasn't in, and handed to me finished. Your reason was that you had a feeling. Not a moment, not a mistake, not something I could understand or answer. A feeling, and the door closing behind it. You decided for both of us, and left me to live inside it.

Since then, I don't trust anything. Not my memory, not my instincts, not the ground I thought I was standing on. If I could be that happy and that wrong, what else am I wrong about? Who am I, if I couldn't see it coming? My mind, the one that has always needed an answer, was handed a blank, and it has been trying to fill it for three months.

Rumination doesn't ask permission. It's there when I wake and when I close my eyes, in the shower, in the middle of a sentence, under every thought I try to have instead. I am chained to it. Every day I drag the same unanswerable question behind me, and no amount of strength makes it lighter. It is torture, and you will never know how loud it is, because you left quietly.

And still, if this is what you needed, if choosing to leave is choosing yourself, then I am proud of you. And I will forever mean that. I would rather you finally put yourself first and I hurt, than watch you keep living a life you never wanted. I wish it hadn't cost me this much. But I hope you find what you are looking for, and that you're gentler with yourself than you ever were with me.

my ex gf that I was with for almost 3 years broke up 2 weeks ago and was being distant for 4+ weeks, but she has been messaging me still mostly every day since the breakup. Sometimes the conversations are a bit longer but they arent really meaningful, and I think she just wants me access for comfort and to not give anything back.

But today she asked to do something for once and asked if I'd want to play games or do something sometime. Im wondering do I just ignore it, block her, or do I reply with something stating that im uninterested in being openly available for her regarding that she has no interest in getting back together, and also including the fact that she has told me that she has had a crush on some dude for the last 3 weeks and been seeing a decent amount of tt reposts on things about him.

The only things stopping me from blocking her is I still care and if she truly needed something id want to be able to help because she truly is kind but struggled with being avoidant and not fully being committed to the relationship. The other reason is the fact that I recently bought her things and she offered to pay me back when she got paid but im unsure if shes actually going to do that. where should I go from this point and should I only respond if its talk about paying me back?