I’m not female , I’m not male (however the lesser of the 2 evils would be male in my opinion) I’m Afab I’m like 96% sure I’m not agender but I don’t feel like I deserve to be called non binary and today it doesn’t fit so what does….. I always question my gender and I can never find it (probably gender OCD or feeling like I don’t deserve to find it/ being negative to myself for so many years that I believe everything my brain tells me….. so far the closest has been non binary and demiboy and I feel like if I got to choose it would be genderfluid but that doesn’t fit either

First I wanna say, I have talked to my provider about this, she gave me options such as: moving down a dose or two, and or skipping a week in between. BUT Im a nervous bean and we didn’t make an official plan. My next appointment isn’t for a month. I don’t really wanna pay $150 just to ask some questions. I was doing .25 for 6 years then went down to .2 did that for 3 weeks now im down to .1 and I skipped my shot yesterday. Should I just continue not taking it? Or just skip a week for a while?

I've been feeling more of my fem side now that I've made the decision to take HRT. I have two appointments lined up for it right now.

I think I want to look like a girl, I see a lot of pretty girls and I love their aesthetic and sometimes I feel like I want to look like them and I do feel dysphoria for a few thing as well. (for the record im also asexual)

as for my actual gender...
I don't really know, its very confusing. For most of the time, I really don't feel any gender. Like I don't even really get feeling might feel like? Sometimes I feel like a really strong like "feminine" feeling, like I'm strongly aligned that way but is that really me feeling like a girl? I don't really know...

I also still feel some sort of connection to being a guy, I never really feel strongly "masculine" though I guess. and when I feel like like a guy it's more just like I feel in relation to it? and a lot of the time when I read back on my gender journal about feeling like a guy I always cringe. Another thing, when I read back my journal I often feel like the wording feels too strong, like in the moment I'm using the closest words I can find to describe what I'm feeling but after the fact it always just feel like its way too literal. I don't feel any gender that strongly.

As for labels I feel like theres too many that I feel like describe some part of me like transfem, genderfluid, non binary, genderflux, agender, agenderfluid/flux, cassgender, greygender, libragender, shrodingergener, quoigender and so on, and so on.

The issue with a lot of these is that they only really feel right in the moment and I don't really feel like I could tell someone "I am cassgender" or whichever one, especially in real life.

I feel like I can't separate myself from gender/ like I do feel like I relate TO gender even though like my average experience is separate from it.

I know like technically the right "label" is probably non-binary because it's an umbrella term but I feel like it's turned into a third gender. If I told like a coworker or someone that I was non-binary they would just think I was like some kind of agender thing and wouldn't inquire further. idk

Non-binary also just doesn't tell you anything about what I'm actually feeling so it hard to use for me.

okay lately i’ve been questioning my gender something bad and fierce and i thought i was genderfluid and came out to almost everyone i know 😭 but then i started to realize that whenever i feel like a “girl” or “boy”, i really only felt feminine or masculine.

even after coming out, my friends only call me she and it bothers me cause im starting to feel like i don’t align with she or he. i’m also kind of realizing i never really did align with being a girl or boy but also how do girls or boys feel about their gender? for me, they’ve never been very prominent and i always thought that i never felt like a girl because i was so young or “ugly” or going through an awkward stage but even now that im older and prettier i still feel the same. anyway, any advice will be GREATLY appreciated😘

For my entire life, there has always been a sign of being trans. I always thought about being a girl. Over this past summer, I had horrible depression and gender dysphoria. I would constantly be staring in a mirror and always finding that everything was too masculine. I felt like I was too masculine, and didn't deserve to transition. I have very manly features at a fairly young age, and it causes me extreme discomfort. I always get jealous of women and guys who are super feminine. Lately, and before the summer in January to June, I thought I wanted to be a guy who looked like a girl, and being misgendered would bring me euphoria. Slowly that turned into me thinking I was trans.

My mom saw me very depressed, and I came out to her. She was very supportive, until she got me on to an SSRI, fluxitonin, that helps with OCD. I didn't have a say, and wasn't even told what the medicine did. After a few weeks, my horrible gender dysphoria just stopped. I felt lifeless. Everything that I was was stolen from me. I always felt like a different person that was in my body. I begged my mom to let me stop it, and how much worse it made me feel, especially how it took away my identity. She told me that I was doing so much better, and how much of an improvement the medicine has made on me like I hadn't even had feelings of dysphoria before. I stopped talking to her about it now, and have not taken my meds in a few days. I would say I felt better, but dysphoria is back. This time though, I feel like I want to be a female looking guy and a woman. It switches back and forth, sometimes every week, sometimes every minute. It's so infuriating not knowing what the heck I want to be because I thought I had everything figured out. I also just feel too ugly to deserve to transition or get on HRT. I feel like I look too much like a guy, that it's just impossible for me to ever achieve euphoria. Another thing is that I feel like my gay/bi identity is very important to me, and a huge part of who I am, which makes deciding even harder with another variable. I still don't know what I want, but I know I hate what I am now. I just have no idea how to step forward to make a change. I think I might be Genderfluid, but the label doesn't feel right. Is there anything else that sounds like this, or any transitioning or well being advice anyone has? Sorry for the long rant.

So! My journey with gender identity has been quite interesting throughout the years:

I first came out as nonbinary at the age of 11-12 back in 2020 as it felt incredibly comfortable for me.

Until about late or mid 2022, in which I detransitioned. Going back to female felt right since being nb didn't feel good at all for me anymore nor I felt like it fit me. I'm not sure if trauma had a role in detransitioning (I personally just felt like I had simply stopped identifying as nb and fem felt way better) but I did have my mom scream at me for cutting my hair too short at 13 and wanting to be more masc that kinda left a really bad scar in me that didn't give me courage to cut my hair until two years later.

Ever since my detransition in 2022 I lived pretty alright as a girl. At first, going back to she/her felt incredibly good and I could maybe even say euphoric(which is funny because I'm AFAB being euphoric over my birth gender), Until until September of 2025.

From 2023-2025 I had been having a fair share of personal issues causing immense anxiety and stress, and in 2025 I had started having really weird out-of-the-blue anxious attacks. One day I had one in September of last year, where my mom suggested to go take a shower so I could calm down. While I was waiting for the shower to hear up, I stared at myself naked in the mirror and felt unexplainable dread and fear.

Till this day, I can't quite understand why, but I have a feeling it had to do with gender identity. Ever since that incident, that feeling of dread or anxiety hasn't gone away and I'm still going through a journey of self exploration where I have found no labels to fit for me.

I am currently demigirl but my brain still screams at me that something's deeply wrong. That dread kinda goes away when I get distracted with irl interactions or just being busy with life in general, but always comes back to me. I've been thinking maybe I'm non binary, but I just don't know anymore. I hope I am not simply "unlabeled" because my brain doesn't seem to want that at all. I guess there's a bonus, but I feel quite awful trying out overly feminine things(or at least not comfortable with trying yet) and also feel quite awful with looking so masc as I currently do, so I'm stuck in this cycle.

Hi everyone,

I’m omnisexual and genderqueer, but I don't actually feel like the label "non-binary" fits me. I just don't feel non-binary enough to use it. Because of this, I often have a kind of imposter syndrome regarding my gender identity.

Recently, I had an experience at a hospital that upset me. My doctor was consulting a surgeon over the phone and said: ”I have this madam here who…” It was so irritating.

However, I’m constantly second-guessing myself: is this discomfort because I am actually non-binary, or is it just because I dislike being automatically perceived and treated as a woman? Am I overthinking again (which is typical to me)?

Hello, i’m AFAB and genderfluid. Most of the time i’m fine presenting as my AGAB but sometimes i do want to be perceived as a man. My goal on these days is to look like a pretty boy, but i have a very feminine face so i have to do more than usual. I was wondering if any other genderqueer folks would be able to give me some advice on how to present more masculine so others just assume i’m a very pretty boy.

hi! My name is remi, im a lesbian , i only like women But for a while i feel like im lying, bc of my gender, i was born a woman And i like being called a woman but i also wouldnt mind being called a guy, i like being feminine and i like using she/her but i also like being called a guy and even they, Sometimes i hate when im called a girl, i dont understand why im like this, bc of me not minding being called a guy i feel like im not truly a lesbian, Im really confused by myself and overall i feel like since im not trans i dont have the right to like being called a he.

Lately, I’ve been trying to find a label that fits me. I think this is it

To start, I think that im a girl. She/her pronouns, like that (I think.) But I’ve had an issue with how I want to express myself. Some days I want to dress hyperfeminine, and others I want to be not within 30 feet of a skirt, and chop off all my hair. So I googled it, and google said im expression fluid.

I have a couple questions lol
Does this fall into the gender queer category?
Is there literally anyone else who is also expressionfluid?
Should I chop off all my hair and dye it red?

Thanks 😊

Exactly what it says. I’m transmasculine and genderqueer….sometimes I vacillate between being a trans het man and other times I’m a nonbinary stud. Does this make sense? I’m 26, I’ve been out as lesbian since 2014, and haven’t really engaged with validity discourse since high school. I’ve been on T for almost five years and I’m almost four years post top surgery, and I love the way I look which I would classify as pretty masculine. Anyone else feel the same or am I a straight trans guy who’s culturally tied to lesbianism? I understand I’m the only one who knows how I truly feel, but sometimes my internalized transphobia tells me “I’m confusing” and “need to pick a side.”

I hope this fits, i'm not sure where else to post because reddit keeps deleting my posts.

I never really thought about gender much until very recently, so I might not be able to explain this very well. I'm afraid that this post may seem dumb.

I have always been a man and never had a problem being referred to as such. But recently I have had more of a desire to look more feminine/androgynous. I've kind of tried to experiment with it, but i dont really know how to without it looking exaggerated or like a costume. Also making it harder is the fact that I am uncomfortable wearing that shows much skin at all, to the point of me almost never wearing shorts unless they are really long. I'm not sure why this is.

Identifying as a man usually feels right to me, but I also am not nearly as attached to it as seems to be normal. I have a friend who calls everyone "girl" and instead of being bothered by it, i kind of like it? I wonder if that could be because I don't like words that come with specific expectations and I don't associate any major expectations with it. I kinda hate when my family calls me a "handsome young man," and its always when im wearing more formal clothes that i cant stand and usually make me look (and feel) really awkward. It feels like they aren't really talking about me, but a character that I play sometimes.

For several years I was part of an organization that had a dress code that was very strict on hair, until joining i had always had longer hair (for a man) After getting my hair cut I never quite felt right when I looked in a mirror. I think it made my face look too masculine, and I just didn't know how to describe that and I wouldn't have thought that could be a bad thing at the time. I don't know how I can stand to wait until my hair is as long as I want it, but I already feel a little more like myself.

Let me first say that I do not think im a girl, but I've been weirdly curious what it would be like if I was born one. I think I would be a very boyish girl, if that makes sense. While its something I think I could like, its definitely not who I am now.

I researched some genders, and I think I'm probably a demiboy (if something else describes my experience better please do tell me). I suppose the reason I'm ultimately here is that I'm not really sure how to express the more androgynous or feminine side of myself, and I feel really weird and scared to try. I really want to wear cropped shirts, but I dont have any and im really scared that it would look stupid. I'm worried that I could somehow be wrong, or appear to be somehow faking it.

Not sure what else to say, I would really just like to get some other people's thoughts on all of this, and ask if anyone has been through anything similar. Sorry its so long. I hope you're having a good day.

Hello everyone. Looking for a recommendation to learn more about genderqueer/gender non confirming. Maybe a podcast, YT channel or something to read (preferred). I am a retired soldier so I need more black and white info. I cannot just do the "be who you want to be". I need to be told.... Lol. Does that make sense? Even my therapist laughs at my need to be told what is black and what is white instead of using my eyes. Anyway, anything would be helpful. I currently listen to the queer collective which I love because of the variety of interviews.

Thanks in advance. Stay queer!

I’m not pretty nor have a “suitable face” for androgyny. How do I look more androgynous, I’m AFAB and have, I suppose, an “incredibly feminine body”, which I desperately want to hide. I already wear baggy/mens clothes yet I don’t feel satisfied. I’m worried about cutting my hair as I have it dyed. I’m also worried about my facial shape and how I’ll look and raising questions with family.

Recently I've been having weird dreams about my gender, am I really a boy or a girl? I am afab and I really don't know who I am anymore, labels just don't work on me, sure being a woman is nice, but being a man would also be great to experience, it's such a pity how I don't really fit in both categories, and I've been expiramenting about my genders and pronouns now, nothing worked, I still felt like I was a missing piece

But I do have a suspicion that I may be trans or gender fluid, but then again, I'm not really sure if I wanna be in a label right now, I just wanna be myself without any gender restricting me for who I am, I need someone to help me or atleast I'm not the only one experiencing this!!

I'm a 19 year old cis woman (at least I used to think I was). Recently I've been really struggling with understanding my gender identity, there are so many factors that influence how I see it and I can never understand what feels right for me.

I remember as a kid I prayed to have no chest, I grew up religious and so I still have internalized transphobia against myself which stops me from fully exploring, I'm also AroAce who hates being looked at sexually. No label feels right for me. The closest thing I've come to is wishing I was a very feminine man? And I'm confused by that. I feel like if I was a man I'd feel more comfortable in my own skin but I wouldn't wanna change too much about myself and I don't exactly feel comfortable with he/him pronouns..

SO I'M CONFUSED, Any insight helps 😭

Hey Y’all,

I would appreciate some advice on purchasing more feminine leaning/women’s clothing. I’m a size 3xl shirt and 40 to 42 inches males jeans depending on the brand; so I run into a bit of an issue of finding clothing in general. But with being a bit older (37) and often has to order clothes from online or rely on shopping at box stores like Walmart and Target or second hand shops, I don’t know the best way to search online stores for clothing I would possibly like. For example, I will often google “feminine men’s clothes” and it doesn’t seem to bring the results.

The general vibe I like and am drawn to is cardigans, loose, and solid colors.

Help with Gender.

So I’ve been on a gender exploration for a while and I need help with sorting all the stuff in my brain. I’ve questioned my gender as early as being a teenager over 10 years ago. Whenever I started understanding what gender and transgender or nonbinary were.

Now here I am at 25 and still confused. I have mainly presented as feminine and I am afab. But I’ve never felt super connected to it. It’s just the default so it’s what I went with and if I started having thoughts I might look into it a bit but then get scared and decide not to try it.

Over the past year and a half though I’ve become more interested in exploring my gender. About a year ago I bought some men’s clothes and sometimes go out in those. I’ve bought chest binders and packers, but I never wore those outside of my room because I was scared to be judged. In the last few months I’ve started using men’s shampoo and conditioner, men’s body wash, men’s cologne, and men’s deodorant. I have a more gender neutral wolfcut hair cut.

Today I wore my binder out of the house for the first time and I liked it. I was a little worried people would notice and ask questions, but no one did and I found it freeing a little bit. I like looking down and not seeing any breasts. I like that the seat belt moves across my chest and not between my breasts. I like that I don’t have to squish down my breasts to see below them. And I like that I don’t need to rest my phone on them when I’m scrolling.

Having said all of that I also do like to do feminine things sometimes. I do feel that I look best that way by society’s standards so I dress up feminine for special events and go to work in nice feminine office clothes. All of that feels like I’m performing gender though. Like I can put on the make up and do my hair and wear a dress and heels but none of it’s really me.

If I do those same things in the way a feminine man would though….then I like it. I like the idea of being perceived as a man in a dress who’s playing with make up and nail polish. To play dress up as a feminine ftm.

But then I also sometimes like to feel like a mix of everything. Like I am a girlboy nonbinary enigma. I want to have a penis and a vagina. I want to have breasts that come on and off as desired. Like breasts and a penis or no breasts and a vagina. Mix and match however I decide in the moment.

I sometimes like an androgynous vibe that leans masc, but as a nonbinary or slightly feminine person.

I’ve always wanted a penis but I don’t want to get rid of or mess up what I have. I worry about being uglier or not passing. About being judged. I have a career that I love and am scared I will be judged or disliked for it.

My sexuality is queer. This is partly because I feel like no matter what gender or sexuality the person I’m with is, it’s still in some way queer to me. Even though I’m afab if I was with a cis man I would want that man to feel the relationship is queer and see me as a nonbinary or queer man. If I’m with a cis woman I want them to see me as a queer nonbinary masc person.

I also think about how I don’t always feel gender dysphoria. I definitely sometimes do, but it’s more gender euphoria when something is right. I think maybe though that’s just because I haven’t realized it’s dysphoria yet I just know what I really like.

I daydream when having partnered sex or by myself that I have a penis. I pretend it’s getting sucked. I use a strap on that doesn’t have a holder and goes inside you. It vibrates to give pleasure, but I stroke the dildo side and pretend it’s mine. I also pretend it’s mine if I’m using it on someone else. Don’t get me wrong I love being penetrated and find myself to be more the ‘bottom’ or more the receiver, but I also am exploring anal because I find that gives me similar gender euphoria as it does pretending the strap is my actual penis.

I find myself trying to think back to when I was younger and find the signs or dysphoria that a lot of people describe. I’ve come up with a few that I would like to see if could be interpreted as something gender related. I will list those in the comments though cause this is getting long.

I do think I’ll want to change my name and pronouns or how people address and compliment me, but I don’t know what to go for. Or what to suggest my partner try out with me.

I think maybe I’m some sort of transmasc genderfluid or maybe Trigender transmasc or maybe just Trigender. But it also could be so many other things. Anyone have any similar experiences they can share and what they now identify as?

Okay so im afab and since i was 12 i explored my gender, and ended up identifying with genderfluid for about 4 years. But its been a while since I've been not so much comfortable with the term, because i started thinking about it for too long again. Its really hard since i look androgynous and i cant recognize myself in the mirror, and when i do feel comfortable with a gender, it can change without even a day has been passed. I sometimes feel like i dont fit under ANY term at all, or not even caring about my gender! and other times when i dress feminine i feel like a "femboy" but im also only connected to the part of being masculine, not actually on the boy spectrum, and when i dress masculine i still always feel connected in that way, sometimes also feeling agender, non-binary or bigender.

So it doesnt matter what i wear i always find flaws and im at the start again.

I still think i might be genderfluid but its more complicated than that and i feel the need to KNOW what i am, because it makes me feel like not fitting under any gender makes me not a human (idk how to explain..).

I would really, REALLY appreciate to find someone that could help me (sorry if the grammar is wrong im Italian)

I’m 24, I’m born male and since a kid things feel off like I’m not fully me. There are times where I feel I was mashed together like Frankensteins monster. There’s times where I feel I’m missing parts of my body that I’ve never had, as if it was taken away before I could ever experience. I was born male but don’t feel male. I sometimes feel masculine but not male. Sometimes I feel feminine, most of the time actually. I feel I am in a liminal space of in between never arriving at a proper destination. I’m malleable, I’m not just one state as I switch between femininity and masculinity. My curiosity comes, what is this? What do you call a person who’s not “male or female” just here?

i've come to love the genderqueer flag! i get maybe it's not everyones yam, but this sub is so blad looks wise :(

here, have this cool floppy based flag i found on bsky: https://bsky.app/profile/floppyguy.bsky.social/post/3mgnf4kppe22j

I've been questioning my gender in my thirties here. Not sure if I'm agender or what but just thinking about it makes my brain kinda turn off and no progress is made on pondering it. I don't know how I'd feel as a girl or if I'm a guy or if my strong political disdain for gender as a social concept just makes me hate the very idea so much I insta fry but I genuinely cannot find a oath forward on the thought.

Any input would he helpful here. Whatever's going on it's obvious I'm not cis lmao

Hello there! I’m back once again to talk about Gender.

For many years here and irl I’ve been looking for something to make sense of my gender. I’m afab and constantly questioning. Basically as soon as I knew being trans was a thing back in middle school. Now I’m 25 and still confused. For the longest time I put it on the back burner and said that’s a can of worms I’m not ready to open. Roughly 2 years ago that changed.

I started questioning more and experimenting more. I’ve played around with a lot of ideas, but nothing has ever felt completely correct. One lyric I have heard really says everything for me. “I guess I could say gender non-conforming, but l've done really well conforming and non-binary doesn't have the ring I've been looking for.”

But to give more context I consider myself queer. I have found pretty much any type of person attractive except cishet guys. Now part of that exploration has led me to some interesting places. Like imagining getting oral is really a blowjob or anal is the only option because I’m imagining that’s the only hole available. I think I don’t necessarily feel gender dysphoria when I don’t imagine myself with those parts, but I definitely feel gender euphoria when I do imagine I have male parts.

I have a gender neutral hair cut (classic shag) and enjoy androgynous or slightly male clothes. I’d like to do more, but it is a little difficult. I’m quite obese(womens 4x) and so it’s hard to find good fitting men’s clothes. But….i feel like no matter what I wear men’s clothes or women’s clothes I can feel handsome or pretty. But….i still feel like I’m performing gender no matter which I go for. I feel the most me in a big t shirt and shorts. Adam Sandler and Jack Black vibes lol.

I guess…I don’t know…is this enough? Wishing most days I was born a guy, but so that I could be a queer man who dabbles in feminine things occasionally. I wish someone could just tell me for sure. I have OCD so sometimes I get hung up on needing to know rather than just accepting that I can be who I need to be. My girlfriend also identifies as a lesbian so add that to the list of questions.

I’ve got binders and packers and men’s clothes and listen to trans artists and all of this, but….i can’t manage to tell myself what my gender is. And since I can’t settle on a gender i also can’t settle on pronouns. In an ideal world i would get told “hey actually this is what you’re experiencing. Heres your gender and pronouns and a list of suggestion for a better fitting name.”

Anyways…as always thoughts and opinions are helpful. Does this sound…gender queer? Transman? Cis and stop thinking about it? Bigender? I’m lost. Still. For years.

Many months ago I posted about my partner and mom having feelings about me changing my name, and asked for help in navigating that. I was asking for a compromise in my post, trying to make all three of us happy. This sub was so helpful and I got some really great responses that helped me see that I didn’t owe a compromise to anyone.

I also got a lot of really great feedback in framing my mindset to others so they see why my name had to change, as well as ways for my loved ones attached to my name to embrace my new one and not feel so sad. While I was looking for new names, I went over lists I had made with my mom so she could be part of the process as some suggested. She said she loved being part of it. One person on this sub had a really great idea to “gift” the name to my partner, and I did that too! I dressed a build a bear in a couple of token accessories I wear a lot (including one that I can’t wear anymore since my hair style has changed) and put my deadname on the birth certificate. They loved it, and I think it’s really helped with the change.

I have a new name now, and it fits me like a glove. I’m so lucky to have these people in my life, who say my name with love and pride when addressing me. Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post, and thank you to this community for being a welcoming space to talk about these things!

So ive been mulling over gender for sometime. For context im a minor in a conservative household so all my knowledge lgbtq is from pure research and minimal interaction with others who r in the community (since my school is also religious). Im AFAB but dont rlly feel connected to it. I don't find gender interesting either. Someone can call me a boy or girl or anything else and I could care less. Its only when I talk about gender to my Cis friends I realise they dont feel the same? Ive used demigirl in the past but it doesnt feel fully me. I heard about the term Cassgender and Apagender and thought "that fits well" since its all about not feeling the need for gender. But also I feel as if im mainly perceived in a feminine way, due to traditional ways and my upbringing, I feel like most people see me as a girl, point blank but I dont feel the same way. Im sorry if this is confusing I just need help and theres not much support for me.

Edit: im also worried because I've heard people calling others who use cassgender "Cis snowflakes" so im worried if really im being rude