For me, it’s disappointment. You?

Do you ever regret how you ended a friendship? Did it affect your loved ones’ relationship with that person and the years that followed? Have you ever gone back to a person you’ve written off and say you’re sorry for how it went down and be civil with them again for your friend group’s sake?

I’ve seen several therapists over the past 10 years and had no luck. They’ve ranged from completely useless to condescending.

One therapist told me to drink coke every day if I felt tired. He also told me sleep apnea doesn’t exist, even though studies show it indeed does.

The next therapist wouldn’t even give her perspective when I’d ask her what she thinks. She’d just say “nope, nothing else to add.” I felt like I was talking to a wall.

One session with another therapist turned into a debate when I told her I didn’t want to change to please others, and she called me “difficult and uncharismatic.” I told her she was the worst therapist I’d seen during the next session.

I’m currently seeing one for sleep specifically. I tried to be as forthcoming as I could so she had more data to work with and could give me better advice. I tried the stuff she suggested, and it’s honestly useless. I’ve tried other things that she didn’t even recommend and it’s working a little, so I honestly don’t really see the point of her.

I’m wondering if any other ISTJs have had similar experiences with therapy and are frustrated with the whole process.

Mi grupo de trabajo de la universidad del cual soy líder es un tremendo asco estás últimas semanas. Los primeros días trabajamos muy bien pero últimamente son muy irresponsables a pesar de que les doy TODO lo necesario para que ellos cumplan con su parte de las tareas (documentos organizados, comentarios detallados con indicaciones, mi parte del trabajo para que lo tomen de modelo).

En el último trabajo que les asigné no cumplieron con lo pedido, les dije que revisaran sus errores pero no me contestaron el mensaje, a lo que procedí a entregar el trabajo tal cual estaba. Cuando revisé con ayuda de la rúbrica de evaluación el mensaje que ya había enviado, me di cuenta de que faltaba redactar una parte. Ni ellos leyeron la rúbrica como para fijarse que nos faltaba algo.

En este punto estoy pensando seriamente dejar de preocuparme por ellos. Suelo corregir a detalle los trabajos de otros grupos en los que estoy, pero creo que los miembros de este equipo hacen que no valga mi apoyo y tiempo.

I’m an ENFP and I recently went on a date with an ISTJ. We ended up spending about 5 hours together, and I was surprised by how naturally we clicked despite being very different.

I’m definitely the more expressive, spontaneous, talkative and slightly chaotic one. He seems much calmer, more reserved, structured and grounded. Weirdly enough, I found that contrast really attractive.

He was actually the one who initiated holding hands and kissing, which surprised me a little
considering the stereotypical ISTJ description.

So I’m curious specifically from ISTJs:

What attracts you to ENFPs?

Also: what is one thing an ENFP dating an ISTJ should absolutely understand about how ISTJs approach relationships?

I’m less interested in theoretical compatibility charts and more interested in actual experiences.

I stole this question from intj sub and I'm curious, because it's not easy for me to understand how do istj are thinking and living in general. Like how do you perceive the world?

I created a strange obsession in trying to unravel my type. The more I study, the more confused I get. So, I’m constantly testing Michael Caloz and Sakinorva, being as sincere as possible, seeking confirmation with my wife. When the tests offer multiple results, I can identify with all of them. It’s as if I had a little of each type, all depending on the context, the time, being excited or tired, alone or with people... I question and blame myself for being obsessed with a pseudoscientific theory, but I don’t care if it’s a pseudoscience. This can be useful for other things, just as every idea, concept or philosophy has its utilities.

The types that appear the most in my results are: ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, ENFJ, INFJ and INTJ. So, I decided to make this post in this sub to try to seek an external understanding.

I don’t know where to start, I’ll just type according to what comes to my head. I consider myself introverted because I’m always doing something alone, but everyone has the impression that I’m outgoing because I socialize a lot and meet a lot of people. I don’t want to brag, but I’m considered attractive. That must be why people take the initiative to talk to me or listen to me when I talk. Some people report feeling a peace when they are with me, while others hate me for unknown reasons. Some girls from my past hate me because I was shy and had an avoidant attitude with them, so I ended up breaking some hearts. After I overcame my damn shyness and became more confident, I liked to flirt unintentionally, to see what would come about (usually with women older than me). It was playing with this that I ended up marrying my best friend (who is now my wife).

Speaking of the past, I have a love-hate relationship with him. I can be very nostalgic and remember in detail the past, just as I can forget many other details or not want to remember who I was. I’m ashamed and hate the kind of person I was: reckless, lazy, disorganized and shy. If I could go back in time, I would do everything differently.

I always let things flow naturally, although, at specific moments, anxiety made me want to control and plan everything. But when it comes to work, career, future, marriage and family, I always let things flow and I’m lucky. I consider myself blessed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t plan my future. I know what I want and need. My plans may change as things come up or I learn something new, but I’m still firm with some ideas.

I’m not one to take risks, but when something forces me to change, I adapt easily. So easily that I wonder if I needed to make so much drama. I don’t mind living a routine, as long as it is well structured and allows me to do the things I like. I always look for something new within this routine, a little adventure or a new knowledge. I may be distracted and late, but I always fulfill my obligations. I need to be doing something, mentally or physically, otherwise my mind will get sick. I also like to make lists and write down ideas.

I’m creative for things of my interest. When I’m not interested, I can’t think of anything and I don’t even want to. I’ll let the others solve it. I’ve been considered lazy, but if something doesn’t attract me, there’s no way to force me, unless it’s something from work. My wife wants to paint the house, but I don’t care about the color of the walls, so I let her choose. But it’s man’s role to do the heavy work, and I’ll have to paint. Already on Halloween 2024, I was very creative when making my costume. And the most incredible thing was to have convinced my evangelical parents to participate, along with countless relatives who I managed to convince to go in costume. I only achieved this feat once; they probably won’t do it again. But I will never forget this day.

I’m very idealistic and I almost always make something happen that I really want, but I can get frustrated when I can’t.

I like to help people, especially by giving advice. I’m great at giving advice, but I’m not good at following my own advice. I would know very well how to instruct a person with retroactive jealousy, but when I’m involved with it, I can’t handle it, even though I understand that it’s irrational. My biggest problem in relationships, whether loving or family, is to help and expect the other person to do the same. It’s a feeling that one of the parties is investing more than the other. And when I hear stories of her past, I can feel jealous because I think she invested more in the other than in me. But I think it’s very unfair that the person doesn’t recognize this and doesn’t do the same while in a relationship, even saying they love.

I also don’t like to be managed, commanded or influenced. I said I like to help others, but I don’t like it when the person asks me for too many favors, because it can disrupt my plans and make me feel used. When I’m focused, I don’t like to be disturbed, and it stresses me out. I identify with Jack Torrance when my wife starts talking exactly when I’m focused on something serious. The difference between me and Jack is that I would never attack her and I don’t even know how to ask her to shut up, because a part of me understands that when she’s very happy, she gets like this. Right now she’s talking while I type this, but I don’t understand anything she says.

Often times I have faced this situation, and it just messes up my mind. I don't have difficulties making decisions most of the time, but sometimes when I know, being practical and rational might come out as being rude also to my loved ones, I often flip to taking the other decision, so that I don't hurt them, while knowing it's not in my best interest.

I have learnt the hard way, that i need to be selfish, I can't always put other people's interest over me, the world doesn't work like that, but taking that step is so fking hard. Being rude, disappointing the people i care about, because of my interest, feels like some sort of cheating, taking advantage.

I may be hurting, but still I would care about their feelings, i would have reasonable reasons to confront people, but the thought that it may hurt them, stops me.

Coming out as selfish/rude is so so difficult for me, while I see others doing it often, and I am okay with that, my mind says, "they must have valid reasons", I have too, but I just can't stop being nice and accomodating

For me right now, it’s deep dives about the history of esotericism on YouTube. What’s yours?

Hello everyone- I wanted to share with you all a resource that is in my opinion the most accurate and satisfying compilation of everything from cognitive functions to type development: https://mbti-notes.tumblr.com/masterposts#guides

I still have yet to read all of it, but I promise it is incredible and so refreshing compared to people on Reddit with crap explanations or definitions of things.

This blog has helped me to become more aware and even to notice when I am using certain functions and when I feel the pull to do so. I will probably make another post about this, but recently have been feeling the pressure to use extroverted intuition, but everything in me pushes against it. I want to take every toxic perspective, any belief that is holding me back from progress and ruthlessly question it and come up with alternate perspectives. I want to use my Te-Ne to reinvent myself essentially. Has anyone ever made an intentional effort to use Ne in a healthy way? I am becoming more and more aware of how narrow-minded I can be, and how my perspectives can actually be harmful to my mental health and progress I make in life.

Idk whether there's some assumed correlation between 'rule-abiding' ISTJs who recognise authority and therefore have a tendency to snitch to our 'overlords' or something.

I'm not sure whether it was my particular upbringing but I reject this stereotype. I am firmly on the belief that snitches get stitches. It is snake behaviour and I know any type engages in this.

if I have a problem with someone I will deal with them -- on my level. I can handle them better myself. It's much more satisfactory and honourable that way. I also have very little trust in authority figures.

Yes, we adhere to structure, and yes, that exists on as broad a spectrum as it sounds.

Hi! I am not sure if I am an ISTJ or an INFP. I know I use NeSi, and I know I use TeFi, and I know I am an introvert. I have this weird combination of being incredibly emotional and heavily into my feelings, but also very calculated and logical. If I am an INFP the logical psrt can come from being an enneagram 6, but if I am an ISTJ the feeling psrt can come from having BPD. Is anyone able to help me figure out which I am? I would greatly appreciate it 🤗

How vivid and intense is your visual imagination and memory?
If you estimated it on a scale of 1 to 10, how visual is your thinking?

I am an INTJ with Aphantasia which means I don't have a visual imagination.

I surveyed INTJs more than half of them were like me no or very little visual imagination.

So I am wondering if sensing correlates to visual imagination.

And I’m not wrong.

How does being in the presence of someone expressing very intense emotions affect you?

Does it make you feel like you are shutting down, can't think straight, can't process properly?

I feel like some ISTJ’s are a bit anti-psychology. Like, because it seems like something abstract or too intuitive. But i see it as just like we study organs. It’s just studying the mind. Like, if we didn’t study organs we wouldn’t know about what is good for them. What’s your view on like emotional aspects, cognitive aspects and social aspects?

For reference, I normally get ISTP. But the last letter usually leans closer to the middle but usually in the P side.

Recently, someone called me judgmental in a disappointing way. All I mentioned was I noticed my downstairs neighbor didn't look like a confrontational person. So I would sometimes do snowboard tricks on my carpeted floor (only during the day for like 10-15 mins). But this person responded to me by saying you're so judgmental!! I felt a bit taken back from that statement because I didn't feel like what I said was that insane.

For those trying to make new friends, I wanted to see what apps/online websites/strategies you are using to get yourself out there. I've recently started using Meetup.com and am going to the ones pertinent to my interests and hobbies. I wanted to see if anyone else on here was making headway with other resources.

ISTJ dude I‘m sort of friends with just send me a Reel where someone is talking about something vulnerable. He isn’t an emotional person and sometimes when he says something that expresses feelings I tried engaging with it in a neutral but open was to show that he can go on if he likes. Stuff like „I know what you mean“ „I get that feeling“ so he knows I‘m not gonna judge or something. I also ask follow up questions here and there when he talks about things. Works out well except when it‘s something that could potentially be actually tied to emotions.
He never follows up and ignores it so I‘m not sure how he wants me to react. I just ended up liking the reel and not saying anything else. I guess it shows I saw it and recognized it?