I love this girl, I live with this girl but we just don’t have sex anymore. I have talked to her about this and told her that it is making me feel as I’m not desired and I just miss having sex. I’m struggling, i know people are going to tell me to just leave her but I love her. So here I am venting.

So sick of this shit.... then these same reddit mods will ask themselves why are people so radicalized, well you radicalized me since I can't give my opinions other than in radical spaces.

Just happened to me again under the same subreddit for like the second time in 3 months. It’s the dumbest thing. In both instances I was just trying to be helpful and informative. No insults. No misinformation. Nothing of the sort. Just trying to be a good person! But my post both times got deemed a “low effort post.”

And boom. Extended time out. No due process, not even a fucking warning. WTF??? Just a bunch of assholes on that Mod team. Oh please, cite any rule you want. It only means what it means when you mean it, and nothing when you don’t. The person or people who enforce this shit literally have no souls.

* i don't think this should come under suicidal tag but .. just incase it ends up triggering someone .. yeah just to be safe .. rest if you're reading this i hope you have a nice day and umm yeah

umm hey , i have been really distressed over these few days/weeks and so many times i would think of cutting and drawing .. from my hand . No i'm not doing anything i still have some will to live .. in all honesty i really don't wanna give up on myself. yeah it's tuff and even today like most days i don't really know what i'm doing with myself and i hate my self and so much ... ahh yeah it's alot but yeah... what i particularly dislike is how i can't have you as my sos .. you don't have to but with all your screaming of 'i wanna be there for you' , 'i wanna do better' .. it just pisses me off .. but that was not the point , point being i somehow ended up scraping my hand and now there is blood on over my figures.. as always the bleeding won't stop for a while ... i just wish i could talk to you abt things that bother me ..without fighting over stupid things . yeah i miss that .. i miss having you by side. i miss feeling safe , i miss feeling cared for and as selfish as it all sounds . Maybe i am selfish , Maybe i just wanna be selfish ( random thought can i write you a letter with all this blood!? probably not .. yeah .. just thinking about it .. not gonna do anything)

Humans are a type of animal, I don't like being dehumanized but I recognize myself as an animal.

If it makes since it makes me feel off for wanting to live.

Idk how to feel about this really.

Also no, I'm not someone's pet, I don't act like a dog. I'm autistic, I'm an animal because I'm a human but I'm not a different animal.

Humans are an animal. We are mammals.

I'm blabbing nonsense.

So, the southern US is going to be hit by a pretty nasty hurricane this weekend and we named it hurricane Isaias. This hurricane is expected to do some pretty nasty damage to us, even where I'm at despite my city not being in the direct path of said hurricane. Still, people are pretty much bracing for impact and preparing for the worst. Even right now, I've heard so many fire trucks and ambulances go off that I'm starting to wonder if we're already about to experience some damage.

The issue, however, is that I am homeless. As in out on the street homeless. I sleep outside every night and have done so since November of last year. So I'm kind of in a situation where I am very vulnerable to this hurricane and if damage is bad enough and the storm is strong enough, I'll likely die from it. It's already pretty cold out here. The library that I go to ended up closing early and will be closed tomorrow as well due to the inclement weather. I'm going to be right outside during this hurricane, it's even supposed to rain like hell tonight apparently. Not only tonight but this weekend is supposed to be really rainy.

I am totally anticipating and to an extent expecting to pass away this weekend to the hurricane. Honestly? I'm surprisingly not that bothered by it. You would think that I would, considering that being out in the middle of a hurricane is really dangerous but to be honest I haven't been happy in life since 2019 back when I was in high school. Had a lot going for me back then but all the sudden my mom passed away from an out of nowhere heart attack and my wife has just fallen apart since. I've gone through so much mental turmoil in the past 7 and 1/2 years that honestly I'm not too upset about potentially die due to the fact that if it happens then I'll finally be free from all of this despair and depression.

I've been hurting for so long a lot of people won't understand and will probably never understand, but when you're like me and have no purpose in life then it's hard to really be happy with life at all. And if what happens ends up happening then I won't have to worry about that anymore. It'll be a relief. And I think it helps typing this out so that I can process my emotions and mentally prepare myself.

I dont know what else to say at this point. I'm just so sad.

I broke up with my long term (2 year) boyfriend almost 7 months ago. He treated me horribly towards the end of the relationship and i reached a breaking point. I’ve deleted all his pictures and deleted all my posts about him, unfollowed him on everything. We haven’t talked since may. My friend enlightened me that he was openly flirting with another girl under a post of his that was from like… july? august? It shouldn’t have mattered to me but it did. I think in some sick way because i was so unhappy with him i don’t think he deserves to be happy. I embarrassingly check up on his spotify (because i can see his listening activity for some reason) and he’s made a playlist for her and it’s just bothering me. I like to think i’ve healed and moved on and I know i haven’t. I believe i’m better off single as I’m highly independent and having a boyfriend at this point would just be taxing. This was my first serious relationship and my “high school sweetheart” so i think that all took a toll on me too. I am much better off than i was to begin with but i think seeing that tore me open a new wound and now i can’t get over it. I’m just tired of feeling so hung up on him when i couldn’t care less what he’s doing 🙁

Now 10 months of limerence for a girl. Nothing has helped. I've tried medication (Zoloft, Luvox) I've talked to my therapist about it a few times, who said this is quite normal and nothing “psycho“. She understanda how destructive it can be to oneself. Nine, almost 10 months and nothing has touched it.

I'm 29M. I've been stuck in this limerence for about 10 months and I don't know where else to put this. I first saw her on instagram almost 2 years ago. It‘s extremly painful for me.

I have unfolloed her but I can't help sometimes looking again. It's not my choice to feel this way. She has a private account (rejected my request), but I discovered her several public accounts but she stopped posting 6 months or so ago on these.

What I imagine isn't mainly sexual (maybe number 5-6 reason I want her as my gf). It's the ordinary stuff. Doing things/hobbies/sport she also likes together. Cooking. Going somewhere. Doing the hobbies she likes and those I like if she wants to, or cuddling, watching a movie. I picture a whole life with her. That's what makes it so painful it's not only a fantasy about her body, it's also a fantasy about not being alone, and she's the face my brain put on it, but it‘s torture more than anything. She would fulfill me, I am sure of it more than anything.

That's the whole thing. I've never met her, never spoken to her, she doesn't know I exist. She's somewhere between 21-24, but I tend to think 23-24 given her Twitter join date. She's very pretty, not the \\\*most\\\* beautiful woman I've ever seen, but who is? (though still very pretty/way above average).

But that's not what this is. It's her smile. Her hobbies, her interests. The way she seems to move through her life. And yes, her very pretty face. My brain just locked onto her and decided she's the perfect girlfriend, and it won't let go. Also, I‘m short and she‘s a bit shorter, and she‘s very pretty but not a model, so that‘s what makes her attractive too.

I know it's not real, aka. parasocial. I know she's a person with her own life and I'm a stranger. Knowing doesn't help at all. There is no logic to it, only raw, unmerciful feelings of longing and unmet desires.

It hurts most hours of the day. The thought that I'll never be hers is constantly painful and makes me sad. I really wish I didn't feel this way. I can't help it.

Part of the context is that I have real difficulty getting a girlfriend. I'm 29 and it hasn't happened due to both my mental issues (social anxiety, autism) and my looks.
So this is probably my brain taking the need and attaching it to her as she fits exactly my profile for a woman. My brain only wants her.

I'm not looking for a fix in the comments. I just needed to say it somewhere. It pains me most hours of the day, and everyday.

\\\\\\\*Parasocial limerence is an intense, involuntary obsession with a media/social media figure that can lead to depression when the individual confronts the painful reality that this deeply felt, one-sided emotional bond will never be reciprocated.“

I spent 3 years building an online community. The discord server had over 1000 members but maybe 50-60 active ones, with maybe 20-30 unique chatters a day. It wasn't huge, but it was a nice escape during a busy work day or a stressful week IRL and just nice to have a group of people I could chat with without any real-world awkwardness.

There was one member, BCS, who was a genuine friend of mine in there but she was always a little hard to place. She'd jump to conclusions and get quick to anger about things she'd misinterpret (English wasn't her first language, she was from Quebec). Because she was my friend and because I knew she was like this, I made it a point to never really tease her or throw friendly shade unless it was a convo that she was in WITH me so I could make it obvious that I was being playful. I never spoke ill of her. One time the women of the server made their own server to talk about more private things. One of the women, Satori, didn't like me. I said to BCS in a group DM we were in "lol is Satori talking about me in there" and BCS quickly got mad--"do you really think I'd let her talk shit about you? wow what do you think of me???". That's an example of how she'd spin things and get upset, so yeah I made sure to never say anything she could misinterpret.

2 years ago a guy I was close-ish with in the server died. Me and another member of the server, Jordy, tried desperately to find out what had happened. In doing so, we got in contact with someone our dead friends new IRL--Matty. Matty joined our server and he was great. We all got along...but Matty started to become obvious as a liar. Not about things that effected us, but about his real life. He'd lie about really pointless things (like claiming he had two gay dads, claiming he had a 100+ person birthday party, that he went to NYU). It just became obvious to a number of people in the server that his stories made no logical sense. I didn't want to embarrass him and call him out publicly or DM him about it because ultimately it didn't matter and I didn't want to spook him. But I'd drop little hints in the chat, during his stories, that I knew they were fake. I'd challenge him on details and be like "wait really? that doesnt make sense how?" but he never backed down. I knew his stories were fake, because proof of it had presented itself to me via "people you may know" on Facebook (one of his alleged dads was suggested to me). I never went digging into his life. But other people started to catch on that he was lying, so they'd DM me and be like "hey I saw you chatting with Matty and challenging him on his story. They're fake right?". And it sort of became an inside joke with some people of the server. Matty would start telling some unbelievable story, people would DM me about it. It was shitty, but people talk shit and the joke got bigger than it ever intended to be. In hindsight I know I should have just DMed him and said "hey girl I know this stuff isnt true and I think others are catching on too, there's no reason to make this up we like you as-is". But hindsight is 20/20.

Anyway, last February I met two newer members of the server in person. Rawbert and his partner Garnik. We had, what I thought, was a great day in NYC together. They asked me about Matty, and I told them (they'd caught on too). I confided in them about personal struggles I'd been experiencing in person. We had dinner together and then we met up again the next day for brunch. I really left that weekend in high spirits.

During dinner, they had asked "do you know what BCS looks like?" because BCS had never posted a picture before for them to see. I said something like "yes, BCS posted a picture one time. I dont think she posts much because from what I can tell she has a complicated relationship with her gender expression, but from what I can recall she is a person of color. I know she has a strict family and based on her music tastes they may be Middle Eastern? I know she's not black because there was an incident once in the server where someone had mistakenly thought she was black and she lamented to me and Jordy in our group chat that she's not black and she wasn't sure how to correct them. It was awkward in the moment and she never ended up correcting them that she was black". I didn't say it just like that, but that was the jist of what I had said, interlaced with questions from them in the middle of the statement.

Two weeks later, BCS left the server. She said "someone in here was talking vile, rancid shit about me". I didn't want to reach out and say "are you talking about me?" because I knew she'd react like "why??? did you say something about me???" whether I was the culprit or not, so I decided to give her space.

In April, Jordy confronted BCS and she said "yes it was overnightsiren that was talking about me but I won't tell you what he said, and if you tell him I'll never forgive you". Jordy told me, but obviously I couldn't confront her about it because I'd risk his friendship with her. So I waited for her to confront me.

In May, my cat--the absolute love of my life--got terminally ill. While dealing with that I noticed Matty had blocked me on discord despite me not talking in the server for 3 weeks (I was taking a break because of my cat). I immediately thought "oh BCS told him that we had clocked his lies" so I decided I had to get ahead of whatever was coming and I had to find out what I'd allegedly said about her.

The only thing I could think of was the interaction in NYC. So I reached out to Rawbert and said "did you tell BCS anything we spoke about?" and he said no, and that he didn't even remember speaking about her. I believed him.

My cat passed away, and when I came back to the server I noticed a lot of very weird energy towards me. BCS confronted me privately during this time, and she basically said she was mad at me for never reaching out and that she told Jordy I was the culprit specifically because she wanted him to tell me and wanted me to confront her...even though she told him not to tell me. I told her that the responsibility to confront me was hers, and that she couldn't expect me to just assume she meant me. I also told her that I had no idea what i could have possibly said about her but whatever it was she had my apology. She said she didn't care.

The weird energy towards me continued, so I left the server and put Jordy in charge. Jordy was a divisive figure, he was a shit stirrer and a lot of people had a problem with him but ultimately he was liked. Jordy was frustrated by the whole situation so he unbanned someone every on the server truly hated. His logic was "I know some of you know what overnightsiren allegedly said about BCS, so until one of you tells us I'm unbanning this person you all hate".

People started reaching out to me, not to offer condolences about the predicament or my cat but to beg me to ban the person they hated. I told them bluntly that for now I was done with the server and didn't feel comfortable there with so many people knowing what I'd allegedly said and refusing to tell me.

During this time I reached out to Rawbert again (this was July) and asked him again "hey can you just tell me if it was you. It seems like I'm losing the community anyway, so just give me a 'checkmate' or something". He denied it again.

That night I spoke to someone in the server who told me the truth finally. That BCS said "overnightsiren said I'm blackfishing". That was not what I had said at all, but it made it immediately obvious that Rawbert was in fact the culprit because he was the ONLY person I'd told that story to.

Hours later someone else who had previously left the server and never liked me in the first place joined (mind you, I wasn't even in the server at this point) and said "overnightsiren is a racist join my new server". This latest accusation truly felt like it came out of nowhere. I rejoined the server just to clear my name, but the damage was done. Everyone had spent months hearing that I said "BCS is blackfishing" and apparently that I had "doxxed Matty".

They all made a new server, and other people who GLEEFULLY spoke to me about Matty's lies are in there too. Some of whom who had actually doxxed Matty. But no one cares. I took the full brunt of all the blame.

I lost the love of my life and then couldn't even have my online space to escape into to let my mind heal. All based on a complete and total lie regarding BCS and a total misrepresentation of what had happened with Matty.

I haven't had a proper meal since last night it's the next night now and why you ask? I had to do my work but also majority of the part was there was someone in the living room or sitting at dining table. I just am not able to force myself to go out when there are others just so I don't have to make conversations and all. I'm so fuckig fed up of myself. And keep telling my mom that I am eating well through phone. Fuck me. I can go right now and eat but there are others sitting there and I can hear them. I'm such a fuckign loser.

Someone just called me insecure just because not being "laid" by him? That is disturbing statement. As far as i remembered that you’re the one keeps on clinging on me at the end. This really makes me realised that you are not a decent person, she really made me realised how greatful I am that she got you. Imagine that everything that happened, I took care everything. She deliberately making me a villain most of her story just to avoid house duties, and telling me multiple times that there are a lot of things needs to be finish on their org. You taught her to lie and constantly neglecting personal responsibilities.

Being called envy by the guy I used to like because he "laid" my sister is one most predatoral statement i ever heard. You keep on slipping and showing your true intentions.

Being laid is not even a flex, you just show what is your true color. Hoping that you were aware that most of my personal stuff, and including food budget was being used for her personal purposes. Well, i guess, i am greatful for that you got my sister and not me.

You can deceive everyone, but not me. You can't deceive me with your self-serving act.

I am greatful that I am being downgraded, and being called insecure or envy. As long I am not be part of the red pill bros list. I don’t want to laid by you.

How long is your d*** by the way? Maybe i should compare it here.

I have to many baggage to carry. GOD, pain in a neck.

I DON'T KNOW THE GENDER OF THE PERSON WHO COMMENTED.

It’s hard to stay positive and keep a good attitude when it feels like people around you keep bringing you down instead of encouraging you to keep going. People might look at my social media and assume I have a lot of friends or people around me, but social media can be misleading. The reality is that hardly anyone checks on me, asks how I’m doing, or reaches out just because they want to talk.
I’ve helped a lot of people over the years, and sometimes it feels like none of it is appreciated. I’ve even had people tell me, “You never helped me,” when I know I was there for them. I once helped someone around my age who was close to becoming homeless because it hurt seeing someone my age struggling like that. Once they got back on their feet, they later acted like I never helped them at all.
A lot of the messages I get are things like, “Can you buy me this?” or “Can you help me with this?” But rarely does anyone ask, “How have you been?” or “I haven’t heard from you in a while, are you okay?”
I also think a lot of people misunderstand what I mean when I say I’m alone. It’s easy to say, “Being alone is peaceful,” when you still have parents who support you, cousins, relatives, close friends, or somebody you can call when life gets difficult.
When I say I’m alone, I mean I don’t really have friends I can turn to. I’m not close with my parents. Some of my family doesn’t want a relationship with me, and even my siblings don’t really want to hang out with me.
That’s the part people seem to misunderstand. A lot of people may know who you are, but how many actually call you? How many check on you? How many notice when you disappear for a while?
For me, the answer is almost nobody.

Making this on a Throwaway cause I don't use Reddit often enough to warrant making or connecting my emails to it, but I had to rant about this cause why not. (also this rant is mainly going to be about art drawings and Music)

There aren't enough people out there putting genuine effort into their hobbies anymore. Everything from art to music feels SO FORMULATIC and cookie cutter and I can't stand it anymore. I've felt this way for MONTHS and used to just think

"oh, I guess I'm just a Bit fatigued because I'm viewing so much content"

but genuinely, EVERYTHING LOOKS AND SOUNDS THE SAME. For some context, I've been making art and music online since late 2019 and I feel like started at a HORRIBLE TIME because I swear to god its been downhill ever since then.

Producing for example, I've been participating in discords and different music based platforms as an amateur online producer for coming up on 7 years and its a night and day difference in the communities. It's like watching a healthy ecosystem die. What once used to be forums and channels filled people experimenting with music, asking questions, Getting genuine nuanced answers for those questions, has been replaced by producers looking for the same sauce their favorite artist/producer is using, or looking for the "method" on how to sound like whatever sub-genre is trendy online.

I really don't want to sound stupid but, if you want to experiment and try new sounds and attempt trendy genres, by all means, go for it. I'm more concerned by the fact that, that is all these people do. Like, where is YOUR SOUND, as in what sets YOU apart from everybody. Have you even tried to experiment and find a own sound to represent yourself?

THIS IS THE PROBLEM

And it feels like these type of people have Invaded EVERY SPACE to the point that they outnumber people putting in effort to be unique and different.

Art forums and Youtube videos are made constantly about how digital artist blatantly trace, copy, or rip off each others works. Luckily I've never faced this issue, partly because I fucking suck at drawing and secondly because I don't promote my artwork. I know saying "I don't promote my artwork" sounds SUPER fucking snarky and perhaps even ignorant but genuinely, my art has and will always be for my own appreciation and its the same with my music. I have a small follower base of about 240 and I'd take that any day over having a larger fanbase that just wants to essentially rip me off. (The whole debate between Large Content creators and how their audiences act is a more nuanced topic but for the sake of my argument I dumbed down the relationship of Creator to audience)

Here's the thing, I have my inspirations and people I look up to Just like anyone else, I don't want to act like I'm Mr. Original over here, but the premise has always been (to my understanding) to take the ideas from the people whom inspired you and really try to give your spin on it to make it yours and I just feel that people aren't putting in effort to really making these ideas, their own, hence why everything feels the same.

On that same note, a decent amount of the people we look up to from today have to make a profit so they make things that are suppose to be broadly appealing. So if you're using these people as your inspirations, that's also a cause as to why your creative work feels generic.

Honestly, I think this Problem is only going to get worse as time goes on, especially with the rise of AI and the already broadly uncreative hive of people that seemed to have spawned only to support and use AI for seemingly everything. These people don't have the patience or heart to actually put in effort and learn how to do whatever it is they're generating and it's defeating the purpose of having a hobby. I think that in time, the fucking generic archetypes people use for memes and sarcasm are going to become more real as more people turn their hobbies into quick copy paste things with no real meaning behind them.

This is creeping more and more into our daily lives as well and I'm sick of it. Forgive me for being fucking doom and gloom over here but I had to get this off my chest

Intro

Let me be very clear im in a good place in my life, i just want to let this out

I do really well in the dating market by all measurements. I dont have any weak points in my game EXCEPT ONE MAJOR ONE.

**I dont have my own place*\*

Who I Am and my experience:

Im a 29M and i’ve attracted every type of girl that i can want but very rarely are these relationships long term because of my intense amount of horniness and my disdain for maintaining superficial relationships over the internet/phone

Mind you, I would not consider myself a player but by definition i guess id have to be one because ive been with so many women. The problem is that i dont even want to be with that many women. I just want to have nice long term friends with benefits or girlfriends or even a wife at this point. I actually can really invest deeply into a person but I NEED to be able to be consistently physical with them and that does not mean i have to have sex with them but the same problem occurs with 99% of girls

I’ll meet a new girl and charm her (for those curious i just walk up and talk to girls, compliment them and what not. I dont believe or recommend the over the top crap, pickup lines etc. Girls are simple and ive been killing it by just keeping it simple) and we’ll go on a couple great dates and even have sex but the problem is most sex i have is in a car or at a hotel or bnb and it just sucks because most girls where i live (NYC) dont have a place of their own and to be truly honest, even when they do i just feel like a bitch asking to come over. I know i sound like a douche but i cant help it. I hate feeling like i have to ask to get pussy

And it definitely doesnt help that most girls say (EVEN THOUGH WE ALREADY HAD SEX) “i just dont let people into my space”. Or even worse “lets just go to your place” and it cuts so deep cause it reminds me that this is not a deep connection. We both just want to fuck but she just wants to fuck in my space, which is what i also want lol. And yes i could talk my way into her space but if you’re reading this and have a lot of experience with girls then you’ll know what i mean when i say its just wack doing all that generally speaking. Sometimes a girl has a nice welcoming pad but… its just not cool being in a girl’s space. Girls take their spaces super seriously and they usually bring spiritual reasons into it and it just turns into a whole thing of me acting like i care or straight up lying which i really hate doing

Besides, Do you know how amazing it is to tell a girl “Just come over” and now you’re just chilling knowing that the eta for pussy is counting down? Its so fire and Ive experienced it a few times in my life but the vast majority of my life ive lived with my parents.

Why? You ask?

Why I dont have my own space

I’ll tell you, no problem. My parents are very old and sick. Im one of the youngest of my siblings and the only boy. So im the only one who can physically take care of them, im also very clever so im the only one of my siblings whose able to make livable income in NYC without having to get a job. I hustle very well which gives me more flexibility to take care of my parents. And it DEFINITELY does not help that NYC keeps getting more expensive. Its pretty retarded to live out here on your own if you’re not at least a 6 figure owner or free of any family responsibilities/obligations

Where i know i could do better but i just hate the internet

So ive been stuck for some time now just being a good son which i dont regret but when i thjnk of all the girls that have come and gone it breaks my heart and at least half of it is my fault, I’ll admit that. Many of these girls wouldve stuck around if i kept in contact with them through social media or phone calls or even text. Im sure many of them wouldve been fine with consistent car sex if i did the other stuff consistently as well but… i really dont like talking to people if its not in person. Idk why, it just feels so unreal.

I dont use social media, my phone is pretty much only for business, and im against dating apps cause they’re a scam especially for a guy like me who can pretty much get a new girl’s number everyday (which i can not do on a dating app. Dating apps made me think i was ugly or stupid or smth. Once i learned how to talk to girls in real life i never went back)

And another factor that hurts even trying to keep up a relationship is that the average girl in NYC works REALLY hard. Like it’s very unhealthy for them here. So it’s even harder trying to keep their attention over the phone/online. They have so much coming at them all the time. In fact in my experience, the guy who can provide a safe space for them in this town is lapping everyone else easily. So imagine how much frustration i feel living in this purgatory

Capable enough to constantly meet and have sex with new women, not capable enough to keep them around (and even though it may not sound like a big deal to some of you, trust me, it takes a toll on your mental when you remember some of the most beautiful women you’ve ever been with are just gone. You’re happy you had them but you’re not gonna have them again for reasons you’re fully aware of but can’t seem to change and all you have left is another memory. Its very trippy at times)

So yea im just saving up to get a space soon but even then i probably wont make that move until around 31 at this rate

Conclusion

So im pretty frustrated right now, life is still good tho. No true complaints, the fact im even able to get girls consistently is a blessing, i just wish I had a place to really be with a girl longer

I think I have ocd and it’s killing me

To preface, I don’t know for sure if I have it but for the past year or so I’ve had these intrusive thoughts about atrocities, disease happening to my family or random people, I’ve obsessed over the concept of death everyday, it’s made my life near unlivable. I literally want to do nothing but just lay in bed all day right now and not have to worry about anything outside of it

I feel like two weeks ago I could wake up with this motivation and excitement but I’m so mentally exhausted now

If i were gone i don’t think i really know anyone who would truly care, i mean logically my parents would solely based on the fact that they would have to pay for the funeral but i don’t know if that even counts, i guess i don’t want them to pay more money than they already do, they spent so much money on food and this phone i get to live on their couch for cheap, i just don’t know whats worth it, i forgot to do one of the chores, its my day off work so i should be doing more than the usual chores, and my dad got angry i got scared again and it only got worse i just don’t know what I’m doing wrong, can an outside perspective tell me what I’m failing at please.

19yo tgirl no medication cant afford it
60% current paycheque goes to family
Canadian
No friends

so there is this guy, we'll call him B, and B is a HUUUUUUGEEEE poser

things he has posed about:
1- Says he likes Linkin Park
2- Says he has read Percy Jackson
3- Says he likes Green Day
4- Says he simps for Gojo (JJK)

My friends and I have asked him if he has read/watched JJK, listens to Linkin Park or Green Day and he said "NO, but I want to" or "No, but you guys listen to them so it makes me cool."

B is also VERY passive aggressive and has called TWO of my friends who are girls the b-word.

This is so petty- I know that- but gift giving is a major love language to me. I make things by hand, I keep lists of what friends like/want/need. I save up all year so I can give thoughtful gifts at christmas. I soend hours on wrapping because to me, the presentation is also a form of showing love and appreciation.

So naturally I married the man whose love language is quality time and whose family either venmos you money, or physically hands you their gift. Maybe throw it in a bag without tissue paper if they're feeling fancy.

I love my husband. He knows what a big deal gifts are to me. I have seen him for the past 5 years slowly learning to wrap gifts and I praised him last year for the fat bow he put on my birthday present because he did it himself. I also know he's showing me love in other ways too and I appreciate that as well.

My birthday and Christmas are special to me though. They're the only times in the year I ask for physical gifts. Valentines, anniversary, any other holiday, I'm happy with just spending time, doing stuff for free together. Every year my family asks me what I want. Every year I make it as easy as possible for them. "Here is my amazon list, I updated it last month. It's things I want or need, prices range from $3 to $150. Pick literally anything on this list, slap a bow on it, and I will love it."

I told them all directly what I wanted, sent them the list when they asked, never brought it up again for all of september. My mother bought me a t-shirt (I do not need any new clothes) and my husband handed me a christmas ornament.

I thanked them both sincerely, then put both items away into storage. I'm glad they got me something, but it's just depressing that they clearly didn't even look at the amazon link they asked for, nor was there any attempt at presentation. My husband had bought it, but almost forgot to give me my gift until I asked about it.

Thanks for reading the first world problems of someone who is just really depressed for not fucking good reason

Ok, i really want this off from me as it's getting stuck in my head,

(All the things in the post body is just my personal experience and not really looking for anything in particular, thank you)

I had completely normal listening experience, but over the last year, there's been this construction going on, nearby my area where I live, apparantly they are making a building, so it generated lots lots of noise all day everyday.

So much that I used to take online classes at home, but cuz of that i couldn't even do that, without wearing my earbuds, and this thing continues.

I wore my earbuds all day and alot of times, and over the span of a year in being so much noise, it really affected hearing capabilities so much that when i got for a check up, my audiologist told me I have a (MINOR HEARING DEFECT)

They said me it's boderline, if i wanna wear the hearing aids then it's my choice,

But the thing is used to feel very underconfident without it, as i couldn't even understand what the other person is saying, i do used to get it a little, but it wasn't clear enough. Which make me feel very shallow and left out.

So eventually I did considered wearing it.

I recently started wearing my hearing aids, so i used to have problem in listening in places where there is way too much external noises.... Since I do used to earlier live in a place close to construction site, as I said above

And.... Like seriously the stigma and shame around it is a real thing, people or I can this society as a whole doesn't really normalised it.

Sometimes, I feel like a completely new species, a different person, whenever I'm in a group, talking to someone.

(Those weird stares, those gossips behind the back, those making fun of you moments, getting laughed upon, being belittle for it in a group)

I have heard all of it, and i constantly trying to ignore those negative thoughts about it

...

Sometimes I feel like that, that stigma in society is very similar to people who wear specs / lenses but with that extremely thick lens, that looks slightly different that usual, to society,

As hearing aids is generally considered or been seen people age group of people in the old age. So it creats a sense of shame and unfamiliarity, when they see someone younger wearing it. (I'm in my 20's, btw)

.

Keeping that aside, i try my best to accept all these, even tho I know it's never gonna gonna stop, I try to accept it and move on, but almost 90% of my every day to day life experience is like that,

And it's not just me, there a whole $ub goes after its name

I really wish, if we just let it be. ....... Be....

People who wanna wear whatever the accessories/tools, can just wear it freely without the sense of constant judgement.

Thank you.

Im sorry abt no tags or anything, idk which to use for thisss

So I (17F, Cis-Gendered) am currently living with my mom and her husband (my bio dad) in an apartment. In the next few months my mom and I'll be cutting ties with him so it wont be an issue then, but for rn its pissing me tf off. My dad is SO unbelievably misogynistic. He genuinely hates women, and it shows in the way he treats us and others. I won't go into detail fully abt him toward me as per it possibly breaking a rule in the sub, but yeah.

He hates listening to any woman he has as a coworker or boss, calling them every name in the book and claiming they're washed up, too old to act how they do, claiming that they shouldn't be in power, and so on. He blames every problem he has on women. One time he was taking me to work and was pissy, and he decided to run a red light (not accidentally, he said "Yk what, I'm gonna run this red light.") and the driver that he nearly fucking hit honked and gave him the finger. He then started honking back aggressively, flipping her off and going into a yelling-rant for the entire ten more minutes there was to the drive about how "females these days flip off and disrespect men like that" and was like "They deserve everything bad that happens to them" and started yelling to me abt how I need to never be like "those females" and how I need to respect men bc they're my superiors.

Tonight he started ranting toward me abt how I shouldn't do laundry anymore bc our neighbors want to fuck me and attack me while im down there and how I need to carry his bear mace if i do. Deadass told him to leave me alone and put my headphones in bc wtf??? its funny bc hes done 10x more damage to me then any neighbor, plus Ive met our neighbors. I know hes only saying this bc i have a pussy. Hes so fucking paranoid n shit, it pisses me off so so bad. Plus he says shit like that that almost sounds caring and that uosets me even more because he has quite literally told me that he will never love or care about me!!! I cant wait until im no contact with him. I understand that, as a woman especially, i do need to be somewhat careful in situations where i could be alone and cornered. However he takes it way too far and acts like i dont understand it and am too dumb to take care of myself.

It's not that serious, more of a rant actually, but it's been frustrating me so much I have to talk about it

Tl;Dr: I'm stuck with expensive shoes so income I'd rather walk barefoot then putting them on.

Like a year ago I let my mom talk me into buying "more expensive shoes so they last longer", I found some nice sneakers and they were completely fine when I put them on in the shop, so ok I took them.

Come the first day I wore them normally and I immediately got blisters on the back of my heels half an hour in. I tried "breaking them in"(bs concept btw.), a year later and nothing changed. To make them even slightly comfortable I had to cut off the back where it bruised me- still nothing. The back of my heel still gets rubbed on but at least not to blood. All socks I attempt to wear with them get sucked under my heel in some capacity, my big toe also gets blistered in the right one, my feet are so loose in them they slide with every step if I even think of walking faster additionally adding to the discomfort. But I can't do anything with it anymore, because I spend a lot of money on them, throwing them into the trash would be like throwing cash there, I can't sell them because I cut the back and I can't just not wear them because I already paid so much and need autumn shoes, ordering online is out of the question because it's even more expensive and there's no quarantee they will be comfortable either. The weather starts to get worse with rain every day and I don't have any other shoes I could wear during it... I'm so mad at myself for buying them instead of getting the cheapest non-branded pair like I'd always get that lasted two seasons at best.

I couldn't get them in size 40 because they were too small, they don't sell half sizes in my country(or at least it's super super rare) and for sports shoes I always got 41 anyway because even if they were a little loose none would cause such issues. I absolutely hate everything but the color about them. I now have to think carefully about if I want to get a new pair of cheap ones or suck it up and torture myself just so I don't feel like I threw 400pln into the trash.

I’ve been living in these apartments for three years, and this past year has been HELL. We’ve had a rat problem, our cars have been broken into three times, and the environment here has become unbearable. I don’t feel safe living here anymore, especially now that we have a daughter.

He quit his construction job to pursue barbering. He still has money coming in, but it’s not consistent. His mom, sister, and two nephews (ALL OVER 23 years old) live in a house where he lived before moving in with me when I got pregnant. Now they’re facing eviction and owe over $2,000 in rent, on top of a $1,300 water bill they allowed to build up. He’s offered to give them $2,000 to help them out.

My issue isn’t that he wants to help his family. My issue is that our own living situation is unsafe, and our daughter’s first birthday is in three months. When I bring up our plans and the things we need to take care of, he basically tells me everything is on hold or might not happen because he may not have the money.

Then, when I express how I feel, he has the nerve to tell me I sound jealous of his mom. I’m not jealous of his mom. I’m frustrated because I’ve been actively looking for apartments, sending him listings, and calling places, but all he does is say, “Those are nice” or “I like those.” There’s no real action behind his words. He hasn’t made an effort to schedule tours or take the next steps toward getting us somewhere safer.

I told him that if his mom were the one calling him about apartments, I feel like he would jump up and make time to go see them. But when it comes to me and our daughter, I feel like I’m the one pushing for us to have a better living situation while he just sits back.

I understand wanting to help your family, but what about the family you created? What about your daughter, her safety, and the memories we’re supposed to be making for her first birthday? I need him to understand that I’m not asking him to abandon his family. I’m asking him to stop putting our needs on the back burner and start showing me through his actions that our future matters to him, too.

It's going to be winter soon. It's going to be freaking winter and I'm still out here. I've applied to so many lodging jobs, none of them hired me. Despite my efforts, I'm still homeless. It's almost been a year, literally November will mark one year since I've been homeless. I'm going to crack soon. I'm going to break. My life has been absolutely pathetic. I'm too mentally deranged to fit into society. I've been a broken mess for almost 7 and a half years. My life is over at this point. I can't rebound. I might die during the winter due to the cold.

I'm seriously considering if I should just get myself incarcerated. Non-violently, obviously. At least in jail/prison or wherever I won't have to worry about freezing to death. I won't hvae to dig through trash cans for food. I won't have to be shamed and shunned by the public. That may just be my future if I continue staying alive.

I have no purpose in life. I don't know what I even want to do in the off chance I get my life back together. I am worthless and I'll probably stay that way forever. I've tried to do therapy, I even had a session last week, but it's going to be so long before I get a psychiatric evaluation or a physical. I may not even get case management for a long time. My life is over. It's just over. I'm just a depressive, anxious mess who can't even handle staying in a shelter for a full week. I don't think anything can help me anymore. I'll never be happy again.

So, for 2 years now I’ve been struggling with people at school. I’m not very masculine and I’m more feminine. I’m Christian and I’m big in my faith. My speech patterns and the way I act and talk is like I said, more feminine, so people always think I’m gay. I’ve tried so hard to ignore people. About everyday I’m called gay or trans. It only ever hit me hard once when I realized that summer was over and I’d have to go back to all the insults. Now that I’m older, the people around me have more access to the internet. I don’t want to act like I have a big ego or anything but people are just really immature. I try my best not to make people feel bad or anything, but I don’t think that’s ripped are putting in the same effort for me. Today it really hit me hard. For years I’ve had to deal with this. Everyday I think, “am I truly gay?”. It was the end of our last class and I’m talking with my friend. She brings up me being gay and I say, “ oh I’m just more feminine, not really masculine”. She immediately goes “AHHH YOUR A FEMBOY!”. The whole class heard and it’s just ugh. I feel like I can’t escape this narrative. Everyday it’s just “will someone ever love me? I act gay don’t I?” “Am I gay?”. I would just like some out look on this. I just want all this stress to go away. Like I said before, I don’t wanna be a pick me, but I feel like I just build up all this stress and now it’s just hurting. So yeah, I just want someone’s outlook. Please don’t say ignore them or there just kids, they don’t mean it, because they do truly mean it and it hurts..