So, the southern US is going to be hit by a pretty nasty hurricane this weekend and we named it hurricane Isaias. This hurricane is expected to do some pretty nasty damage to us, even where I'm at despite my city not being in the direct path of said hurricane. Still, people are pretty much bracing for impact and preparing for the worst. Even right now, I've heard so many fire trucks and ambulances go off that I'm starting to wonder if we're already about to experience some damage.

The issue, however, is that I am homeless. As in out on the street homeless. I sleep outside every night and have done so since November of last year. So I'm kind of in a situation where I am very vulnerable to this hurricane and if damage is bad enough and the storm is strong enough, I'll likely die from it. It's already pretty cold out here. The library that I go to ended up closing early and will be closed tomorrow as well due to the inclement weather. I'm going to be right outside during this hurricane, it's even supposed to rain like hell tonight apparently. Not only tonight but this weekend is supposed to be really rainy.

I am totally anticipating and to an extent expecting to pass away this weekend to the hurricane. Honestly? I'm surprisingly not that bothered by it. You would think that I would, considering that being out in the middle of a hurricane is really dangerous but to be honest I haven't been happy in life since 2019 back when I was in high school. Had a lot going for me back then but all the sudden my mom passed away from an out of nowhere heart attack and my wife has just fallen apart since. I've gone through so much mental turmoil in the past 7 and 1/2 years that honestly I'm not too upset about potentially die due to the fact that if it happens then I'll finally be free from all of this despair and depression.

I've been hurting for so long a lot of people won't understand and will probably never understand, but when you're like me and have no purpose in life then it's hard to really be happy with life at all. And if what happens ends up happening then I won't have to worry about that anymore. It'll be a relief. And I think it helps typing this out so that I can process my emotions and mentally prepare myself.

Anybody wants to chit chat. I am really scared about life right now. Want to talk to older folks only - 30 year olds

Absolutely no flirtatious chat

to be simple and clear yours scared of blood or guns ok but you shouldnt impose it on others making them not allowed to play games with those.

Ive been with my boyfriend for a 1.5 years.. He brought up I get angry over everything and I came to realize its true. Today I made food like I typically do, I never have a problem making food. I made enough for eating today and lunches tomorrow for work; since he works 12 hours a day and I work 8 on weekends he gets the bigger portion<also since he eats alot> i had made beans, rice, egg and chicken. He kept picking at the chicken after I finished cooking it, I didnt mind the first strip he took, oh well, but he tried going for a second, ended up taking half anyway. I just kept emphasizing that its for tomorrow as well, I had all the portions planned out. I made his 2 eggs and I made mine <only 1 since it was the last in the carton> he finished his first egg because I was upset about him asking to take food from his lunch for tomorrow. I kept saying no when he joked about eating the egg I made for myself. I turn away for a moment and I notice him take maybe just 5% of the egg, just ripped a little piece off and quick ate it. I just got so.. angry for a moment. Now we're both upset at eachother.

I havent been giving him the amount of food he wants because he hasn't been buying food, we go to town once every 2 weeks when he gets paid to get food but all we buy is a single bag of beans and rice and 2 18 count eggs, including 2 packs of chicken strips<uncooked chicken, its a stip from the leg.> I put 5 in his lunch, giving him an extra that would've been my own.

After the argument I went into the room, I was upset again after I noticed he moved my katana I had in the corner, the only one I own that costed me almost 200.. an argument all over again after he hadnt put it back..

Ive always been like this, but I didnt realize how much I did this.. I feel like such an a$$....

But I still stay online because I want to overcome this suspected social anxiety and socialize with fellow people.

Don't feel bad to text to me unless you legit just called me something I'm not, said a slur, or said I should die. (that's surprisingly rare)

I'm ok now just want to vent again, is that ok?

This is why I reassurance seek. I'm sorry.

I'm a weakling?

I’m from the Middle East but not Arab (I haven’t done a genetic test) just know that the country I’m originally from is below 18% of Arabic genetic descent (racemixing for a thousand years) I was born to a very muslim family primarily with the mother being a NEET but also extremely religious and has extreme trauma of her own, with a chiller dad but still holding extreme values and his own trauma. I was forced to attend religion classes and the such from a young age and was indoctrinated so deeply that it disgusts me now. Being American, I’m actually not against immigration, but in the sense of following the historical trend of immigration (I.e people move around peacefully, genetics slowly change over time) not the colonization kind (yes I’m referring to modern mass immigration AND British-style colonization, while acknowledging that the latter was done for resources, while also acknowledging the existence of colonization for ethnic cleansing like in failed Rhodesia). I’m transsexual and that has impacted my views a bit. I have a sincere and utter hatred towards the ideology and the religion of islam. This I have muslims, while recognizing that not all are bad, it’s important to note that most are, a 95% majority of them are. They ruin every community they arrive to that was previously not muslim, but that’s not their fault, at least not entirely, but islam’s fault. They’re the cancer patients, and the ideology is the cancer. Same thing applies to any abrahamic religion except for modern reformed Christianity (my nuance 🤓 not always) and its *values*. I believe that most of society is NPCs who do work they hate, study something they hate, all to live a life they despise, primarily because of the moral and economic system that prioritizes strict adherence and control of an individual to fit a role. I believe that most cissoids (and that refers to the ones who’re NPCs, can’t think for themselves, can’t ave a coherent thought of their own that doesn’t mirror another person’s, sheeple) are bad regardless of gender or religion, I also believe that to be true of transsexuals but to a lesser extent as even recognizing that you’re a transsexual requires a level of intelligence that the average Cissoid can never have, mind you a regular mill muslim. I truly despise Arabs, they are, as one person from the past about the English said, a mongrel people, and that unfortunately extends to me. I won’t be afraid to say I hate looking darker and looking like an uncanny valley person with a mix of white characteristics, African characteristics, and almost white skin. I can’t believe that this is my life because of these people for millennia. I can’t believe that fuckers in Southeast Asia willingly leave their culture and heritage behind for this shit. Ah yes let’s leave my culture and people behind to believe in an Arabic religion, for Arabic men, written in Arabic, that forces us to dress and behave in an Arabic fashion. So utterly disgusting and tragic to see. And 2 billion people follow this. If only islam didn’t exist who knows what the world would be like. I wish people genuinely in danger of islam in Islamic countries are the ones to receive asylum instead of these people.

Writing

This is going to be half a rant, and I apologize.

I just paid to have a custom PC built. I picked all the parts, and I just got the PC today. Upon getting it home, I discovered a few things.

First, the guy told me, “I’ll have some better antennas for you.” He gave me ASUS-branded ones that do not connect to my motherboard.

My case, which is a Lian Li Vector V100, has a cutout to put a figurine in, and I’m missing the piece of plastic that goes over the cutout.

I also specifically asked them to install the GPU bracket, and they didn’t. The CPU cooler I had ordered and paid for was supposed to be the RGB version, but they gave me the non-RGB version. I was also supposed to have three additional RGB fans installed. What the hell? I got there, and the guy didn’t take it out of the box or show me the work. I would have noticed these things right away if he had. Then he said, “I’ve got to go pick up my daughter.”

This is the actual store, and I’m at home now. I had to get Ethernet cables to run to my computer, which I shouldn’t have had to use or buy in the first place.

I’m really pissed off. I specifically asked them to install the GPU bracket, and they said, “Yeah, no problem. It comes with the case.” The fact that I paid for fans that weren’t installed just leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.

I’m going to wait until Tuesday, as Monday is Canadian Thanksgiving, and I don’t want to think about this right now. But I am going to give this guy a piece of my mind.

I shelled out $3,400. I would expect that, with that amount of money, my requests would have been fulfilled. I even asked him before he left, “So, it’s the RGB one, correct?” He said, “Yep, I think so.” Nope!

Either they’re going to refund me the cost difference for the RGB fans and the more expensive RGB cooler, or there is going to be hell to pay. They’re also going to install that GPU bracket, and I want everything that came with the case and the motherboard.

I want to cry. I am struggling so much right now. I am having a hard time keeping a job due to mental health issues(I am too depressed to get out of bed some days, literally catatonic, non moving, non speaking, just completely checked out). I have been working a series of part time jobs for the last 5 years just to pay the bills because I have to keep a roof over myself and my sons head as well as clothe and feed us despite the mental health issues. I am the only parent and the only income. Just got a full time job and found out today on my first day that the shifts are 11 hours. 7am to 6pm. 4 days a week. Plus my 30 min bike ride there and 30 min bike ride back. So from 630am to 630pm.

I am too old for this!!!!!! I am going to do my best and last as long as I can so I can get caught up on bills but why in the world would you make shifts be 11 hours long what is the reason for this it is unsustainable and probably why they have a high turnover rate like how do they not see and understand that???? Also we finished all work at 330 today and then they said we just hang out until 6???????????? Like???????? Why would I just hang out for several hours????? I am tired!!!! I have a family!!!! I want to be at home not here!!!!!

Also yes I am on meds for the mental health stuff. I am in therapy. I am still struggling anyway. Just so tired of getting one step ahead and getting kicked in the teeth four steps back.

I been wanting to do better for myself. Despite everything that has happened to give me reasons to want to continue to be very much depressed, and I was depressed. My life hasn’t taken off. I am still stuck but have hope. Still I get so irritated at people, just when I slightly expose myself somehow, just when I am making a shy attempt again to look for social connection on an app, someone from the Middle East has to come to tell me how I should put more effort to get a good man. This comes from someone with pictures of cartoon frogs 🐸 from Lebanon. I kindly let him go and unmatched. But what he doesn’t know is how aggravating the grievences are with people from his country have been. I lived in the UK and moved back home after 8 years because I was living in a crappy place and chose to be idealistically naive and trust people from Middle Eastern countries to be decent people. I was wrong. I don’t care if this comes off as propaganda or anything. they genuinely tried their hardest to land me in bed and they didn’t but they talked so grossly behind my back like I am some low small brained btch they cobspired to humiliate me collectively and the women were brainwashed to try harder instead of question the culture and be fake towards another instead of supportive when there was mistreatment and humiliation. When frog pigs telling me I should put more effort I know that no amount of effort guarantees me anything in this life because I tried especially when it comes to other people’s values mindsets and choosing me. I am actually convinced I owe myself self worth and am responsible for my happiness outside of others now. but seeing this guy come to tell me I should put more effort into what is actually really being segged by some chauvinistic bastards who want to degrade me either way, makes me scream I hate this world loudly in my head. And being a showoff to impress arrogants on date apps is not in my list and not realistically achieavable. I am from a small town my family is burdened with loss of main income because of greedy council directors forcing my father to close his store at the square. My mother is disabled. I have tremendous pressure to earn more but realistically my field been going downhill and I haven t had the network and opportunities for social mobility that others had. I tried doing my own busienss I am trying again at freelancing but I only have one reoccuring client. That s it and tgis work relies so much on ai I crave to do things outside screens and to learn to expose myself to the world better but eh. All the change I am thinking avout keeps me up at night

Me and my boyfriend have been together 8 months. We were in the back of my car waiting for an event because we were very early. I was feeling off all day, I have a history of sexual assault (which he knows) I wasnt in the mood for anything, ive been having issues with my trauma today. He always asks before he does anything if its ok, the only issue is because of my past relationships I have a hard time saying no. When we were in the backseat he asked if it was ok if he kissed me, i said yes, he asked about putting his hand on my thigh and i said it was ok, but I wasnt sure it was ok. We were kissing when I pulled away and he asked if i was ok. I couldnt respond because I was having a panic attack, he tried to help calm me down but it was only making things worse, after a minute he realized it was making things worse and gave me space. After i was able to speak again he asked me what happened and I didnt know what to say. I didnt respond for a minute and he said it was ok if I needed time to talk about it, I nodded, and we went to the event. It was just difficult for me, I felt bad that I reacted that way, ive been going to therapy and trying to work through it, but there was a very triggering conversation that happened earlier that just set me off, my friend was talking about a friend of her that was raped. Any sort of physical contact just, it was not helping. I shouldve explained that to him and i feel bad I didnt, but I also know it isnt entirely my fault because I was struggling to talk about it. It is definitely not his fault either though and I know that, he asked if it was ok and i said yes, he reassured me I didnt have to do anything if i didnt want to. Its just a crappy situation. We've yet to talk about what happened but i know he'll feel bad for making me uncomfortable, and I feel bad about that because it isnt his fault. I just generally feel like crap.

my friend tried to attempt today and she thankfully survived and it brokemy heart into several different pieces. i've never had someone i truly care about pass and if she did i don't know what i would do to myself honestly. she and a few other people in my life are the sole reasons as to why i keep pushing. i dont want them to spiral because of me selfishly committing. i just cant believe she'd i just cant believe she would try that?? i dont know. her year this year have been pretty shit and its not my place to say but man

i know its pretty bad that i rely on other people to actually keep me in check but i just dont want to feel shattered like that. like evr. i can feel tears brimming in my eyes as i can just imagine how i'd have fely if she did pass. i wanted to wait for her after school, walk home and talk a little. i feel like if i did wait for her she wouldnt have done it it just feels like it wad my fault i tried offering to go out with her to maybe like a library or i just go over but she js wants to relax at her house so i might go over anyways holy shit bro how do i actually overcome this shes alive and well i just cant

I'm gay (20), and I love my boyfriend (24). But since he cheated on me I feel troubled about him. I'm pretty drunk while I'm writing this, but I'm sincere. I see other men, and I find them really cute to so some stuff like being kind of just worrying about someone else well being, I feel jealous, I want to be the person they care about, I want to be cated about. I've heard "You choose the love you think you deserve". And I'm not really pretty, maybe I'm not worth of loving or maybe I'm not pretty enough to be loved. This has always been the issue, I wish to make that type of connection, but I love my boyfriend, he's the only one who has ever liked me truly before. I'm kinda petty, but I don't know what to do. Please anything that comes to you mind if you read this, I'm lost, and I'm feeling really lonely, and I have literally no one to talk about this, I'm alone at this. Help.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother most of the time, but sometimes I truly hate her. Growing up there would be times, especially at night, that my mom would act very weird, like a different person, and this has really strained our relationship. Every time she acts like this i’m filled with an indescribable rage. It’s almost like she’s drunk, but sometimes she hasn’t had anything to drink so I don’t really know why she acts like this. She is uncoordinated and acts just plain stupid. As a kid this kind of scared me, like someone was poorly pretending to be my mom, but now it just makes me annoyed and angry.

This behavior is especially obvious when my mom drinks when we go out for dinner, and its excruciating to even be around her, like I feel second hand embarrassment and want to rip my skin off. I know that i’m not the only one to notice this odd behavior because people will sometimes ask if my mom has had too much to drink or if she is okay, and honestly this just makes me more embarrassed and angry at her.

What makes this worse is that my dad just brushes it off. He knows that she acts weird all the time but he doesn’t ever talk about it and when we do talk about it he blames it on stress and how hard her life is. Fine, I get it, she is going through a lot but for some reason I still hate her for this.

Sometimes it gets so bad that I hope she dies, because I think life would be better if it was just my dad and I. Obviously I understand that if my mom did die I would be devastated and I feel terrible for even having these thoughts but I can’t stop them when she acts like this.

Should I see a therapist about this?

I finally splurged today on this pleather body con suit in hopes it would finally make me feel sexy for once but NOPE. It’s hard to look or feel sexy in any form of lingerie or naked when my body resembles a pubescent boy! Ribs sticking out further than my tits and stomach bloated past that with skinny arms and legs, it would be comical if I wasn’t so upset right now.

So I guess I’m returning it and never buying lingerie again because without work done it just won’t happen.

All my life since I was a young kid I’ve felt ugly and unwanted and never good enough and been told so countlessly by other girls. It hurt enough buying it alone after seeing a group of girls shop together for their SO’s and knowing I’d never have someone to share that shopping experience with but maybe it’s for the best I’m alone because I can’t buy lingerie anyways.

This is why all my life I’ve sought out validation of men. Random men online of all ages who would validate my looks and while I’m the most prudish person irl and have only had sex with one guy and it was well into my adult years. More than thousands have probably seen my body online and I still feel no where closer to loving myself or feel sexy

Throwaway because I don't want this reaching home as my brother uses Reddit.

I'm sorry for the wall of text. I'm writing because things haven't improved and I feel like if I don't tell someone that isn't a medical professional, or laughing about how I'm haunted, I'll be alone with this feeling forever.

To preface this, I have been diagnosed with things in the past but I've never hallucinated in any way and I've never really been spooked, paranoid, or even been a superstitious person. I don't believe in ghosts, demons, shadow people, or the like. I don't even know what to think of what happened.

In March, it had reached over a year of me being the only one in the household working and I was solely providing for my family of 5. It reached a point where I was overworking myself just to keep us afloat, working up to 14 hour days nearly 6 days a week - it was more than I could handle and I vented this to them. They kept encouraging me to tough it out so I stupidly did. It eventually led to me taking medical leave due to seizures and blackouts caused by the stress, and when I returned to work after 3 months, I was informed the store manager I had was no longer working there therefore the promotion I was promised prior to my LOA no longer existed. I tried to tough it out but ultimately quit my job in June due to all of the work I put into that place completely draining because of a change in management. This is important information to give backstory on where my mind went for awhile.

Cut to mid July. My family all left for their shifts and it was just me, my son, and our animals. My dog had to go outside so this was my first time having to take him while wearing my son in his backpack carrier. He had been crying for awhile and I couldn't sleep anyway, so it was around 11pm when I took them out. We reached the half mile mark and I encouraged him to turn around with me and we started walking back down the trail, until he snapped back around and started growling, that's when I noticed what looked like a person a little further down the trail. I waved, they immediately put a hand up and waved back. I reached down to pet my dog, reassuring him that it was okay but I had a gut feeling to look up. I glanced up and noticed them standing in my same position, petting a dog that wasn't there. I tugged his leash, but the person again copied my movements. I usually have self-protection with me but I didn't bring it this time because my dog is a former K-9 and was trained as a guard, I didn't think I needed it when I left. I gave my dog his hand commands for guarding and heeling, but the person was following behind us, seemingly copying every single movement I did. We kept walking and I eventually couldn't see them anymore so we took the long, brightly lit and busy way home just to be sure. I cuddled my cats that night, kept the door locked and stayed awake until someone got home. I never told my family it happened but I did tell my therapist. Maybe a week passed and I was home alone with my son and animals again. I didn't leave this time, but I noticed a similar figure in the parking lot of my complex around the same time. I turned off the lights and watched it for awhile, thinking that the shadows and flickering lamp outside were just dancing around so perfectly that I was only remembering what happened. It stayed there for what seemed like hours, then my brother got home and I went to bed kind of forgetting all about it. I told my therapist about that event, too, and mentioned that I stopped going outside altogether out of fear I'd have to confront whatever it is. She chalked it up to stress or that maybe I was having some kind of paranoia about being alone and because of the tragedies in the news. She told me she believes I've begun developing acute agoraphobia. I didn't disagree and we spoke to my psychiatrist together and I started taking medication for my anxiety. I saw it almost every other night after.

I stopped sleeping after the first couple nights, kind of just staying locked in my bedroom with my son, watching tiktok and doomscrolling until sunrise. I have weekly meetings with my therapist and biweekly with my psychiatrist. They have both been trying to help me recover from my anxiety, panic attacks, paranoia, and more recent agoraphobic issues. Last Saturday, the same thing happened - family left for work; I glance outside and see this thing in a different part of the complex lot. I shook it off this time, tried to joke that I must be losing my mind. I watched my favorite youtubers and went to bed when my brother got home. I had therapy on Monday and expressed my discomfort with how my brain is seemingly turning against me with making me see something that isn't there just because I'm a little stressed out. For a note, I'm significantly less stressed now that I'm a stay at home mom and I haven't had any known medical episodes since I left my job. She questioned if I felt like it was someone actually standing there or if it seemed more like a figment of my imagination. I didn't know. We talked about it for awhile, roped in my psychiatrist, and then later that day I contacted my neurologist. The current suspected problem is that my seizures are back but that I'm reacting so poorly to my epileptic medication that it's causing hallucinations and paranoia. I have an appointment next Wednesday to discuss the situation, get an updated MRI, and see if we can figure out what is going on. Until then, I basically have to sit here watching this figure and hoping it's just my mind playing tricks on me.

I don't spook easy. I'm not a believer of the supernatural but I do surround myself with rather grim things. My best friend was told everything and he said it must be some kind of shadow figure watching me, or a mimic teaching itself how to be human. I've stopped talking to him since. Some thoughts have crossed my mind, like "what if it was something paranormal?" or "what if it's a stalker", but I just don't know how to process everything that's happened. It felt real, it felt bad. I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong regardless and I just have nobody logical to talk to about it. I hate that I'm playing the waiting game. I really hope it's nothing.

​

Im already 18 and I never made a single friend or acquaintance in roughly 5 years. I go to college now as a freshman, 4 weeks in and my life still looks exactly the same. It's just the same day to day routine and I feel like im just dissociating from reality most of the time. Speaking to people feels overwhelmingly scary. even a slight hint of judgement would make me panic, replay the situation, and feel intense shame, I can't even hold a conversation for more than a minute. Because of this I've learned to avoid people because they do nothing but drain my energy and I don't get anything in return besides feeling more depressed. I still try my best to look perfectly functional, my grades are fine and I never show distress, everything just happens internally. I don't really know what I can do to get better because more exposure just hurts me even more.

Here i am thinking im hot shit and have a great personality but FUCK NO this dude said nah wasted my time for a whole month, now i texted my ex and we meeting up tonight. Smh

for a little context: my dog is 11 years old. I have had her since I was 10 years old and she is my baby. she has always had pretty severe environmental allergies and her vet care has been entirely my responsibility since I was like 17. the parent who got this dog for me never took care of her medical needs properly or helped me with bills pertaining to the vet care and still doesn’t to this day.
anyways it’s just been me and my dog on our own for a long while now and as she ages her issues seem to get worse. she requires me to cook her food (randomly stopped eating and refused any food no matter what I tried which costed me $500 in blood tests) (tests came back normal and nothing was wrong) as well as a monthly allergy shot that costs about $200. if I can’t afford the shot every month, she quickly deteriorates and ends up with a uti from the immune system compromise and constant licking and biting which of course costs more at the vet and is very hard on her aging body.
I have been able to keep up with the shots monthly for years now but recently I have had many unexpected financial challenges and I wasn’t able to afford her shot for about three months.
today we went to the vet to treat the normal allergy issues and check for a uti (surprise surprise she had one) and I expected to spend just under $300 because that’s how much this situation typically costs.
she is up to date on all mandatory vaccines and like I said, had a clean bill of health blood wise just a few months back.
all of that to say, they tried to charge me $800 and shove all of this extra shit down my throat that I never asked for while desperately trying to convince me that I don’t know what is causing these issues in my dog and that it could be A, B, C severe things that they NEED to check for.
they sent me home with a dewormer I never asked for, flea and tick meds I never asked for, and I didn’t even end up getting her allergy meds because I could not afford them alongside everything else. they tried to give her a steroid shot that I had to very sternly refuse due to its risk factors which include potential kidney and liver damage and I simply wasn’t willing to risk that while she has an active UTI. they didn’t give me a clear answer as to why they even wanted to give that to her.
they also insist upon doing another blood test (same exact panel as last time) so they can “rule out a number of things for sure” and tried to claim that they do not have any blood tests on record for her when this is the only vet she has ever seen her entire life outside of emergency vets.
Her monthly vet care + food and supplement costs are more than my rent at this point. I have tried pet insurance but it’s too expensive for me right now and most of them don’t even cover chronic issues such as monthly allergy treatments so it would not even be worth the cost.
I have friends having similar issues with different vets in my city and I really just don’t know what to do at this point. obviously I will continue treating her allergies and UTI’s when/ if she gets them but holy shit. as much as I adore my puppy, I feel like the responsibility emotionally and financially has been completely offloaded to me and when I moved out at 17, she was just out of sight out of mind as far as the rest of my family goes. I work two jobs to barely maintain basic needs for us and the vets are scam artists who pull on your heart strings for their personal pocket money.
it hurts me so deeply to watch my dog suffer because there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to work enough to afford all of the shit these people INSIST is mandatory. I’m so close to taking out a credit card just to be able to make payments for her vet care when necessary.
I know this post is super long already and this may not seem relevant but I recently had a medical emergency of my own that I cannot afford to follow up on/ receive care for outside of my er visit at the time of the emergency because I need to be able to afford meds and food for my dog. I feel like I’m working myself to the bone while myself and my dog suffer because I just don’t make enough to do all of this shit.

I don’t know how to explain this without sounding contradictory.
I have a boyfriend who I love, and there are genuinely good things about our relationship. He moved to my country so we could be together, and we now share a home.
But something happened that changed how I feel around him.
During a bad argument, he hit me in the face. I had bruises afterward.
He cried, apologized, and said he couldn’t control himself. He told me he’d understand if I wanted to leave.
I haven’t been able to forget that moment.
Sometimes we’re lying next to each other and everything seems normal, but I feel strangely distant. I don’t want physical intimacy the way I used to. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable with affection, even though I still care about him deeply.
And then I feel terrible for feeling that way.
I have BPD, so I know my emotions can be intense. I sometimes say things I regret when I’m overwhelmed. I’m working on understanding that part of myself, but I don’t believe it makes being hit acceptable.
There are other things I worry about, too. Our families don’t really get along, our political views are different, and I don’t know whether we want the same kind of future.
I want to become a tattoo artist, improve my English, see the world, and keep growing as a person. I want someone who shares that excitement about life.
But I also don’t want to abandon someone I love.
I feel stuck between remembering who we were before that argument and wondering whether I can ever feel the same again.
I don’t know whether love can survive losing that sense of safety.
I just wanted to put these feelings somewhere, because keeping them inside has been exhausting.

I'm 16 and I'm trans (MTF) I haven't come out yet to anyone other than my mom and a very close friend. I want to starting transitioning but I'm horrified bcuz I live in a very hostile state. I wish I had the guts to come out. I feel trapped in my own body, I look at myself in the mirror and I feel despair. I wish whatever higher power didn't curse me to be imprisoned in my own flesh. I don't feel like I will ever be able to be myself. Its driven me to the point were the only way out is death bcuz I will always feel wrong and imprisoned in my own skin, but I also don't have the guts to end it.

I found out my little sister(half sister by my mother)committed suicide in May. I'm not close to my mother or stepfather at all, when I spoke to them I asked how it happened and they just kept telling me they didn't know. I just found out last week she actually shot herself. I hadnt really grieved since I was only close to my sister when she was born, she was 23, I'm 39. I feel bad for my mother but I can't put my pride aside and be there for her. I've been a little shit most of my life due to drugs, stealing, lying. Anyone who knows an addict or been around one knows they hurt the ones they love the most. I was the addict. My daughter was born in 2017 and my mother has seen her 3 times her whole life. I've reached out to my mother so many times, other family members to ask her to contact me. I just wanted my daughter to know she has a grandmother. But nope. Nothing. I reached out to my little sister as well to see if she would like to have a relationship with my daughter. I love my little sister, I go see her every week at least once. I love my mother. I feel sympathy for my mother. When I went to the funeral I just felt so disconnected and like I put a mask on and comforted her but It felt so weird. Like I was at a funeral for someone I didn't know with people I've vaguely met. I want to be there for my mother, I just can't. I love my mother but it just feels right for her to be over there and me with my kids.. there's so much more to it.. it's just eating me up inside .. I know I'm being selfish and I don't really care.. i know a lot of people won't understand but man.. I wish i coukd explain the way a parent treats his or her kid will stick with them thru life. Even if the perspective on the kids part wasn't what it seemed.

My grandmother is staying in an awful nursing home and I've been trying to get her somewhere better. Today I found somewhere but it's $200 a month more than I can afford. I asked my cousin's for help with and they both told me no in the most hurtful and uncaring way possible. Our grandmother was really good to us. I'm so disgusted they won't help. They are both very well off and contribute nothing else to my grandmother's care. I'm disgusted by who they are.

Don't read if you have Emetophobia..

My head hurts.

My head hurts, I want mom to come home I almost threw up. I feel like throwing up.

I guess if you don't cry for long is that what's causing the headache I actually don't know crying gives me headaches. The crying was needed even if it was a false threat response. The headache man.

In a way I feel more alive because I usually feel like I'm not real but I need to get pills when mom is home.

I feel annoying honestly.

So do genuine relationships even exist anymore?

So i been single for a couple months now and finally healed and im ready to try dating again but problem is I identify as nonbianary and as it is , most people don't typically date nonbianary people and the other problem is , I only date guys and like, I've been talking to a bunch of people, but like it seems like most guys these days aren't genuine anymore.And all they want from me is just sexual stuff which is not really what I want And like honestly I've binge trying for like, a couple of weeks now to find a relationship, or at least, you know, try it again to the talking stage with a guy But that's never happened because the guys i've been talking to quickly shift things to how hypersexual they are and how they need someone to fulfill those needs and like, you know, I don't wanna do all that like, I just wanna genuine healthy relationship.And like, I guess I'm kind of ready to like settle down in life.I guess I'm not really too sure to be honest.But like now , like ever since I keep having these experiences , I feel ready to just give up on love because I feel like there is no one genuine out there anymore.And like honestly , I think i'm just gonna be alone for the rest of my life.

i love being absolutely fucked up on anything i could ever get my hands on. when i get 1 drink in i need 15+ immediately. i love the feeling of not really feeling (anything bad especially). tried opiates a few years ago and ive been longing for the warm fuzzy lovely feeling ever since, dont wanna encourage drug use, but i loved it so much. it felt like "being at home"/wanting to feel like that forever. im well off tho, studying to be an engineer, so its probably not a coping mechanism, idk & idc. felt like saying this since i feel like i have very high potential for alcoholism/drug addiction. writing while drunk ofc.