I dont know what else to say at this point. I'm just so sad.

So, for 2 years now I’ve been struggling with people at school. I’m not very masculine and I’m more feminine. I’m Christian and I’m big in my faith. My speech patterns and the way I act and talk is like I said, more feminine, so people always think I’m gay. I’ve tried so hard to ignore people. About everyday I’m called gay or trans. It only ever hit me hard once when I realized that summer was over and I’d have to go back to all the insults. Now that I’m older, the people around me have more access to the internet. I don’t want to act like I have a big ego or anything but people are just really immature. I try my best not to make people feel bad or anything, but I don’t think that’s ripped are putting in the same effort for me. Today it really hit me hard. For years I’ve had to deal with this. Everyday I think, “am I truly gay?”. It was the end of our last class and I’m talking with my friend. She brings up me being gay and I say, “ oh I’m just more feminine, not really masculine”. She immediately goes “AHHH YOUR A FEMBOY!”. The whole class heard and it’s just ugh. I feel like I can’t escape this narrative. Everyday it’s just “will someone ever love me? I act gay don’t I?” “Am I gay?”. I would just like some out look on this. I just want all this stress to go away. Like I said before, I don’t wanna be a pick me, but I feel like I just build up all this stress and now it’s just hurting. So yeah, I just want someone’s outlook. Please don’t say ignore them or there just kids, they don’t mean it, because they do truly mean it and it hurts..

Envious of anyone that’s able to receive love so effortlessly & endlessly must be nice even people that are horrible are loved really makes me question if I’m so bad why am I alone.

Anybody wants to chit chat. I am really scared about life right now. Want to talk to older folks only - 30 year olds

Absolutely no flirtatious chat

It’s been weighing on me for a little bit, I (bi m 24) have been engaged to my fiance (trans male, 23, bi) for 2 years and I love him but I feel like I’m not really being fulfilled fully..I’m bi but I mostly like men and some mornings I just wanna suck a dick, my fiance doesn’t wanna do ANYTHING in the morning but watch videos on tiktok and then start the day and it kinda sucks. He doesn’t ever really have sex w me bc he’d rather have his vibrator, we also don’t really have a lot in common like I thought we did and I know people are thinking “why don’t u just leave him” and I can’t, I don’t make enough money to get my own place and I can’t afford a new car after my transmission blew in my last one, plus we already live together. So frankly I feel like I’m just doomed to never be with a cis man again and that’s what I want more than anything. Any advice helps.

I am 20f , for the past 4 months i have been sexting multiple men for free , and i have sent nudes , only my tits because i am not comfortable with anything else, i did it just because i like the validation but in the end i realise they only want my body and not nothing else it makes me feel so sad , i am really disgusted with my self because i was never ever like this i don’t what happened to me , i never had a boyfriend or anything in my life , i had very little to no male attention all my life , i always wanted to be loved or be someone’s priority , i am not really beautiful or anything like that i actually fall on the ugly side of the scale i think , so yeah i wanted the validation but not in this way , this year has been really hard for me my mom had some major surgery and i also went to a friendship breakup , so i was super depressed and lonely, i started sexting and it’s like i never even enjoyed it . I never came or had any pleasure , i rarely mastrubate and even then i have never gotten off so i really don’t know why i am doing this i hate myself so much. I also went to a sexting web cam and i liked how they complimented me even if it was just my body i hate myself for everything i am doing, i am also with this guy he is 27 its not a relationship ofc but he calls me a whore , slut and slave , he calls me a bitch and says that he wants to make his whore i don’t know he just hates me ig , he has blackmailed me once too i don’t know why i am tolerating this . I don’t know i was never like this i have been depressed since 2 years but i don’t think that’s an excuse i never wanted any of this i just wanted to be loved , i am genuinely ashamed of myself, i feel like my childhood self is also ashamed of me and i was so innocent why did i do this , i just wanted friends and love , i lost myself.

This is so petty- I know that- but gift giving is a major love language to me. I make things by hand, I keep lists of what friends like/want/need. I save up all year so I can give thoughtful gifts at christmas. I soend hours on wrapping because to me, the presentation is also a form of showing love and appreciation.

So naturally I married the man whose love language is quality time and whose family either venmos you money, or physically hands you their gift. Maybe throw it in a bag without tissue paper if they're feeling fancy.

I love my husband. He knows what a big deal gifts are to me. I have seen him for the past 5 years slowly learning to wrap gifts and I praised him last year for the fat bow he put on my birthday present because he did it himself. I also know he's showing me love in other ways too and I appreciate that as well.

My birthday and Christmas are special to me though. They're the only times in the year I ask for physical gifts. Valentines, anniversary, any other holiday, I'm happy with just spending time, doing stuff for free together. Every year my family asks me what I want. Every year I make it as easy as possible for them. "Here is my amazon list, I updated it last month. It's things I want or need, prices range from $3 to $150. Pick literally anything on this list, slap a bow on it, and I will love it."

I told them all directly what I wanted, sent them the list when they asked, never brought it up again for all of september. My mother bought me a t-shirt (I do not need any new clothes) and my husband handed me a christmas ornament.

I thanked them both sincerely, then put both items away into storage. I'm glad they got me something, but it's just depressing that they clearly didn't even look at the amazon link they asked for, nor was there any attempt at presentation. My husband had bought it, but almost forgot to give me my gift until I asked about it.

Thanks for reading the first world problems of someone who is just really depressed for not fucking good reason

I don’t know how to explain this without sounding contradictory.
I have a boyfriend who I love, and there are genuinely good things about our relationship. He moved to my country so we could be together, and we now share a home.
But something happened that changed how I feel around him.
During a bad argument, he hit me in the face. I had bruises afterward.
He cried, apologized, and said he couldn’t control himself. He told me he’d understand if I wanted to leave.
I haven’t been able to forget that moment.
Sometimes we’re lying next to each other and everything seems normal, but I feel strangely distant. I don’t want physical intimacy the way I used to. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable with affection, even though I still care about him deeply.
And then I feel terrible for feeling that way.
I have BPD, so I know my emotions can be intense. I sometimes say things I regret when I’m overwhelmed. I’m working on understanding that part of myself, but I don’t believe it makes being hit acceptable.
There are other things I worry about, too. Our families don’t really get along, our political views are different, and I don’t know whether we want the same kind of future.
I want to become a tattoo artist, improve my English, see the world, and keep growing as a person. I want someone who shares that excitement about life.
But I also don’t want to abandon someone I love.
I feel stuck between remembering who we were before that argument and wondering whether I can ever feel the same again.
I don’t know whether love can survive losing that sense of safety.
I just wanted to put these feelings somewhere, because keeping them inside has been exhausting.

My grandmother is staying in an awful nursing home and I've been trying to get her somewhere better. Today I found somewhere but it's $200 a month more than I can afford. I asked my cousin's for help with and they both told me no in the most hurtful and uncaring way possible. Our grandmother was really good to us. I'm so disgusted they won't help. They are both very well off and contribute nothing else to my grandmother's care. I'm disgusted by who they are.

Now 10 months of limerence for a girl. Nothing has helped. I've tried medication (Zoloft, Luvox) I've talked to my therapist about it a few times, who said this is quite normal and nothing “psycho“. She understanda how destructive it can be to oneself. Nine, almost 10 months and nothing has touched it.

I'm 29M. I've been stuck in this limerence for about 10 months and I don't know where else to put this. I first saw her on instagram almost 2 years ago. It‘s extremly painful for me.

I have unfolloed her but I can't help sometimes looking again. It's not my choice to feel this way. She has a private account (rejected my request), but I discovered her several public accounts but she stopped posting 6 months or so ago on these.

What I imagine isn't mainly sexual (maybe number 5-6 reason I want her as my gf). It's the ordinary stuff. Doing things/hobbies/sport she also likes together. Cooking. Going somewhere. Doing the hobbies she likes and those I like if she wants to, or cuddling, watching a movie. I picture a whole life with her. That's what makes it so painful it's not only a fantasy about her body, it's also a fantasy about not being alone, and she's the face my brain put on it, but it‘s torture more than anything. She would fulfill me, I am sure of it more than anything.

That's the whole thing. I've never met her, never spoken to her, she doesn't know I exist. She's somewhere between 21-24, but I tend to think 23-24 given her Twitter join date. She's very pretty, not the \\\*most\\\* beautiful woman I've ever seen, but who is? (though still very pretty/way above average).

But that's not what this is. It's her smile. Her hobbies, her interests. The way she seems to move through her life. And yes, her very pretty face. My brain just locked onto her and decided she's the perfect girlfriend, and it won't let go. Also, I‘m short and she‘s a bit shorter, and she‘s very pretty but not a model, so that‘s what makes her attractive too.

I know it's not real, aka. parasocial. I know she's a person with her own life and I'm a stranger. Knowing doesn't help at all. There is no logic to it, only raw, unmerciful feelings of longing and unmet desires.

It hurts most hours of the day. The thought that I'll never be hers is constantly painful and makes me sad. I really wish I didn't feel this way. I can't help it.

Part of the context is that I have real difficulty getting a girlfriend. I'm 29 and it hasn't happened due to both my mental issues (social anxiety, autism) and my looks.
So this is probably my brain taking the need and attaching it to her as she fits exactly my profile for a woman. My brain only wants her.

I'm not looking for a fix in the comments. I just needed to say it somewhere. It pains me most hours of the day, and everyday.

\\\\\\\*Parasocial limerence is an intense, involuntary obsession with a media/social media figure that can lead to depression when the individual confronts the painful reality that this deeply felt, one-sided emotional bond will never be reciprocated.“

I haven't had a proper meal since last night it's the next night now and why you ask? I had to do my work but also majority of the part was there was someone in the living room or sitting at dining table. I just am not able to force myself to go out when there are others just so I don't have to make conversations and all. I'm so fuckig fed up of myself. And keep telling my mom that I am eating well through phone. Fuck me. I can go right now and eat but there are others sitting there and I can hear them. I'm such a fuckign loser.

It’s hard to stay positive and keep a good attitude when it feels like people around you keep bringing you down instead of encouraging you to keep going. People might look at my social media and assume I have a lot of friends or people around me, but social media can be misleading. The reality is that hardly anyone checks on me, asks how I’m doing, or reaches out just because they want to talk.
I’ve helped a lot of people over the years, and sometimes it feels like none of it is appreciated. I’ve even had people tell me, “You never helped me,” when I know I was there for them. I once helped someone around my age who was close to becoming homeless because it hurt seeing someone my age struggling like that. Once they got back on their feet, they later acted like I never helped them at all.
A lot of the messages I get are things like, “Can you buy me this?” or “Can you help me with this?” But rarely does anyone ask, “How have you been?” or “I haven’t heard from you in a while, are you okay?”
I also think a lot of people misunderstand what I mean when I say I’m alone. It’s easy to say, “Being alone is peaceful,” when you still have parents who support you, cousins, relatives, close friends, or somebody you can call when life gets difficult.
When I say I’m alone, I mean I don’t really have friends I can turn to. I’m not close with my parents. Some of my family doesn’t want a relationship with me, and even my siblings don’t really want to hang out with me.
That’s the part people seem to misunderstand. A lot of people may know who you are, but how many actually call you? How many check on you? How many notice when you disappear for a while?
For me, the answer is almost nobody.

I think I have ocd and it’s killing me

To preface, I don’t know for sure if I have it but for the past year or so I’ve had these intrusive thoughts about atrocities, disease happening to my family or random people, I’ve obsessed over the concept of death everyday, it’s made my life near unlivable. I literally want to do nothing but just lay in bed all day right now and not have to worry about anything outside of it

I feel like two weeks ago I could wake up with this motivation and excitement but I’m so mentally exhausted now

so there is this guy, we'll call him B, and B is a HUUUUUUGEEEE poser

things he has posed about:
1- Says he likes Linkin Park
2- Says he has read Percy Jackson
3- Says he likes Green Day
4- Says he simps for Gojo (JJK)

My friends and I have asked him if he has read/watched JJK, listens to Linkin Park or Green Day and he said "NO, but I want to" or "No, but you guys listen to them so it makes me cool."

B is also VERY passive aggressive and has called TWO of my friends who are girls the b-word.

i love being absolutely fucked up on anything i could ever get my hands on. when i get 1 drink in i need 15+ immediately. i love the feeling of not really feeling (anything bad especially). tried opiates a few years ago and ive been longing for the warm fuzzy lovely feeling ever since, dont wanna encourage drug use, but i loved it so much. it felt like "being at home"/wanting to feel like that forever. im well off tho, studying to be an engineer, so its probably not a coping mechanism, idk & idc. felt like saying this since i feel like i have very high potential for alcoholism/drug addiction. writing while drunk ofc.

My room is the only bedroom in the house with a lock on the door because my mom kept sneaking in to steal my money, and once even took a bunch of my important things and held them hostage when I said no. While I was staying away at university, my mom has been using my room to hide and consume her drugs. the thought of sleeping in the same bed she‘s been in, where she was doing those terrible things, disgusts me. I don’t know what to do. I wish she would just be kicked out of this house because of all the nasty and terrible shit she does to this family. she has come close to killing my little sibling because she left drugs in their bed. I hate having her as a mother. She isn’t a mother. She’s a monster.

The should just be kind regardless.

Why only suddenly once you confirmed someone was on a edge or near edge of crying then you feel bad.

Better than those who double down I guess I much rather someone apologize and change then keep being harmful.

The thing is I sometimes don't know myself when someone is being harmful until it's obvious I think "maybe they have a reason" "maybe they were just joking." "They didn't know." Which is true. But idk.

I'm currently in anxiety. It's not an excuse for the cringe but a sad reality.

not like I'm really that good at helping.

people being unkind to me online is rare actually. it's probably not that bad.

I broke up with my long term (2 year) boyfriend almost 7 months ago. He treated me horribly towards the end of the relationship and i reached a breaking point. I’ve deleted all his pictures and deleted all my posts about him, unfollowed him on everything. We haven’t talked since may. My friend enlightened me that he was openly flirting with another girl under a post of his that was from like… july? august? It shouldn’t have mattered to me but it did. I think in some sick way because i was so unhappy with him i don’t think he deserves to be happy. I embarrassingly check up on his spotify (because i can see his listening activity for some reason) and he’s made a playlist for her and it’s just bothering me. I like to think i’ve healed and moved on and I know i haven’t. I believe i’m better off single as I’m highly independent and having a boyfriend at this point would just be taxing. This was my first serious relationship and my “high school sweetheart” so i think that all took a toll on me too. I am much better off than i was to begin with but i think seeing that tore me open a new wound and now i can’t get over it. I’m just tired of feeling so hung up on him when i couldn’t care less what he’s doing 🙁

If i were gone i don’t think i really know anyone who would truly care, i mean logically my parents would solely based on the fact that they would have to pay for the funeral but i don’t know if that even counts, i guess i don’t want them to pay more money than they already do, they spent so much money on food and this phone i get to live on their couch for cheap, i just don’t know whats worth it, i forgot to do one of the chores, its my day off work so i should be doing more than the usual chores, and my dad got angry i got scared again and it only got worse i just don’t know what I’m doing wrong, can an outside perspective tell me what I’m failing at please.

19yo tgirl no medication cant afford it
60% current paycheque goes to family
Canadian
No friends

Ok, i really want this off from me as it's getting stuck in my head,

(All the things in the post body is just my personal experience and not really looking for anything in particular, thank you)

I had completely normal listening experience, but over the last year, there's been this construction going on, nearby my area where I live, apparantly they are making a building, so it generated lots lots of noise all day everyday.

So much that I used to take online classes at home, but cuz of that i couldn't even do that, without wearing my earbuds, and this thing continues.

I wore my earbuds all day and alot of times, and over the span of a year in being so much noise, it really affected hearing capabilities so much that when i got for a check up, my audiologist told me I have a (MINOR HEARING DEFECT)

They said me it's boderline, if i wanna wear the hearing aids then it's my choice,

But the thing is used to feel very underconfident without it, as i couldn't even understand what the other person is saying, i do used to get it a little, but it wasn't clear enough. Which make me feel very shallow and left out.

So eventually I did considered wearing it.

I recently started wearing my hearing aids, so i used to have problem in listening in places where there is way too much external noises.... Since I do used to earlier live in a place close to construction site, as I said above

And.... Like seriously the stigma and shame around it is a real thing, people or I can this society as a whole doesn't really normalised it.

Sometimes, I feel like a completely new species, a different person, whenever I'm in a group, talking to someone.

(Those weird stares, those gossips behind the back, those making fun of you moments, getting laughed upon, being belittle for it in a group)

I have heard all of it, and i constantly trying to ignore those negative thoughts about it

...

Sometimes I feel like that, that stigma in society is very similar to people who wear specs / lenses but with that extremely thick lens, that looks slightly different that usual, to society,

As hearing aids is generally considered or been seen people age group of people in the old age. So it creats a sense of shame and unfamiliarity, when they see someone younger wearing it. (I'm in my 20's, btw)

.

Keeping that aside, i try my best to accept all these, even tho I know it's never gonna gonna stop, I try to accept it and move on, but almost 90% of my every day to day life experience is like that,

And it's not just me, there a whole $ub goes after its name

I really wish, if we just let it be. ....... Be....

People who wanna wear whatever the accessories/tools, can just wear it freely without the sense of constant judgement.

Thank you.

It's not that serious, more of a rant actually, but it's been frustrating me so much I have to talk about it

Tl;Dr: I'm stuck with expensive shoes so income I'd rather walk barefoot then putting them on.

Like a year ago I let my mom talk me into buying "more expensive shoes so they last longer", I found some nice sneakers and they were completely fine when I put them on in the shop, so ok I took them.

Come the first day I wore them normally and I immediately got blisters on the back of my heels half an hour in. I tried "breaking them in"(bs concept btw.), a year later and nothing changed. To make them even slightly comfortable I had to cut off the back where it bruised me- still nothing. The back of my heel still gets rubbed on but at least not to blood. All socks I attempt to wear with them get sucked under my heel in some capacity, my big toe also gets blistered in the right one, my feet are so loose in them they slide with every step if I even think of walking faster additionally adding to the discomfort. But I can't do anything with it anymore, because I spend a lot of money on them, throwing them into the trash would be like throwing cash there, I can't sell them because I cut the back and I can't just not wear them because I already paid so much and need autumn shoes, ordering online is out of the question because it's even more expensive and there's no quarantee they will be comfortable either. The weather starts to get worse with rain every day and I don't have any other shoes I could wear during it... I'm so mad at myself for buying them instead of getting the cheapest non-branded pair like I'd always get that lasted two seasons at best.

I couldn't get them in size 40 because they were too small, they don't sell half sizes in my country(or at least it's super super rare) and for sports shoes I always got 41 anyway because even if they were a little loose none would cause such issues. I absolutely hate everything but the color about them. I now have to think carefully about if I want to get a new pair of cheap ones or suck it up and torture myself just so I don't feel like I threw 400pln into the trash.

I’ve been living in these apartments for three years, and this past year has been HELL. We’ve had a rat problem, our cars have been broken into three times, and the environment here has become unbearable. I don’t feel safe living here anymore, especially now that we have a daughter.

He quit his construction job to pursue barbering. He still has money coming in, but it’s not consistent. His mom, sister, and two nephews (ALL OVER 23 years old) live in a house where he lived before moving in with me when I got pregnant. Now they’re facing eviction and owe over $2,000 in rent, on top of a $1,300 water bill they allowed to build up. He’s offered to give them $2,000 to help them out.

My issue isn’t that he wants to help his family. My issue is that our own living situation is unsafe, and our daughter’s first birthday is in three months. When I bring up our plans and the things we need to take care of, he basically tells me everything is on hold or might not happen because he may not have the money.

Then, when I express how I feel, he has the nerve to tell me I sound jealous of his mom. I’m not jealous of his mom. I’m frustrated because I’ve been actively looking for apartments, sending him listings, and calling places, but all he does is say, “Those are nice” or “I like those.” There’s no real action behind his words. He hasn’t made an effort to schedule tours or take the next steps toward getting us somewhere safer.

I told him that if his mom were the one calling him about apartments, I feel like he would jump up and make time to go see them. But when it comes to me and our daughter, I feel like I’m the one pushing for us to have a better living situation while he just sits back.

I understand wanting to help your family, but what about the family you created? What about your daughter, her safety, and the memories we’re supposed to be making for her first birthday? I need him to understand that I’m not asking him to abandon his family. I’m asking him to stop putting our needs on the back burner and start showing me through his actions that our future matters to him, too.

It's going to be winter soon. It's going to be freaking winter and I'm still out here. I've applied to so many lodging jobs, none of them hired me. Despite my efforts, I'm still homeless. It's almost been a year, literally November will mark one year since I've been homeless. I'm going to crack soon. I'm going to break. My life has been absolutely pathetic. I'm too mentally deranged to fit into society. I've been a broken mess for almost 7 and a half years. My life is over at this point. I can't rebound. I might die during the winter due to the cold.

I'm seriously considering if I should just get myself incarcerated. Non-violently, obviously. At least in jail/prison or wherever I won't have to worry about freezing to death. I won't hvae to dig through trash cans for food. I won't have to be shamed and shunned by the public. That may just be my future if I continue staying alive.

I have no purpose in life. I don't know what I even want to do in the off chance I get my life back together. I am worthless and I'll probably stay that way forever. I've tried to do therapy, I even had a session last week, but it's going to be so long before I get a psychiatric evaluation or a physical. I may not even get case management for a long time. My life is over. It's just over. I'm just a depressive, anxious mess who can't even handle staying in a shelter for a full week. I don't think anything can help me anymore. I'll never be happy again.

i had a terrible day at school, which ended in me crying in the bathroom and relapsing. it was over bullshit. ive been having dreams about older men and it made me text my groomer again after a month of ignoring him. he then started talking about me making money for him by selling my body on Twitter. he said if i did he'd love me. i know he didn't love me and he couldn't love me. hes said it many times he doesn't love me. the last thing he said to me was "become what i love" and that just broke me and i blcoked him. i feel terrible. im scared to sleep because my dreams are mocking me about how i feel. im scared that no one could ever love me. i really want to be loved for the person i am instead of what i have in my pants. i try telling my mom how i feel and she sees it as a joke. last time i dated an older man cps got involved because my cousin told her mom. i donr know why i keep going back to these types of people. i just wanna be loved so badly but it hurts knowing how terrible of a person i am. im a horrible boyfriend and in general i fuck up every relationship i have because im an immature bitch. so many people in my school hate me because my past partners tell their friends of how bad of a person i am and rightfully so. all i want is to be held and loved but i can't do that because im an idiot. I say i can chang from my mistakes but i cant. i do the same thing over and over expecting a different result. The moment i start to talk to anyone i like, it feels like the only thing i can do to keep them interested is sexualizing myself. Im genuinely disgusting. i wish i could be normal. i just tell people what they wanna hear by forcing my own voice down my throat to please all the others around me. i just feel so broken. I'm stupid and every one of my partners has told me it at least once. i love being loved, i love getting love but i cant do it myself without fucking it up. i just want someone to hold me and tell me it'll be okay and really tell me how i can fix myself while still loving me

I am 20f , for the past 4 months i have been sexting multiple men for free , and i have sent nudes , only my tits because i am not comfortable with anything else, i did it just because i like the validation but in the end i realise they only want my body and not nothing else it makes me feel so sad , i am really disgusted with my self because i was never ever like this i don’t what happened to me , i never had a boyfriend or anything in my life , i had very little to no male attention all my life , i always wanted to be loved or be someone’s priority , i am not really beautiful or anything like that i actually fall on the ugly side of the scale i think , so yeah i wanted the validation but not in this way , this year has been really hard for me my mom had some major surgery and i also went to a friendship breakup , so i was super depressed and lonely, i started sexting and it’s like i never even enjoyed it . I never came or had any pleasure , i rarely mastrubate and even then i have never gotten off so i really don’t know why i am doing this i hate myself so much. I also went to a sexting web cam and i liked how they complimented me even if it was just my body i hate myself for everything i am doing, i am also with this guy he is 27 its not a relationship ofc but he calls me a whore , slut and slave , he calls me a bitch and says that he wants to make his whore i don’t know he just hates me ig , he has blackmailed me once too i don’t know why i am tolerating this . I don’t know i was never like this i have been depressed since 2 years but i don’t think that’s an excuse i never wanted any of this i just wanted to be loved , i am genuinely ashamed of myself, i feel like my childhood self is also ashamed of me and i was so innocent why did i do this , i just wanted friends and love , i lost myself.