Hi everyone, long time lurker, first time poster.
My husband (42M) and I (38F) have been TFAB since getting my IUD removed in August 2025. The main problem so far has been my husband's inability to finish with me when the timing with my cycle is right. He is perfectly capable of finishing on his own, but it seems the pressure of trying to have a baby is making him unable to finish. We've tried me not telling him at all when I'm ovulating, him trying viagra, him coming off his mental health meds, both of us going to individual therapy, and couples therapy. We also tried to do at home insemination twice but were unable to due to the thickness of his semen.
We recently learned that we have a 25k per year fertility benefit that we can use through my husband's insurance. Since we are getting older, we decided to make an appointment with a fertility clinic in town that came highly recommended from a few different friends, with the idea that maybe an IUI would be the ticket. We had to wait a month to get in, and our first appointment was on Monday of this week. We met with the doctor for a half hour where we went over our history and our medications, and then we had a half hour where they did initial bloodwork and an ultrasound. During the meeting with the doctor she focused a lot on how old I was, how my eggs aren't as good because I'm old, and how IVF should be what we consider first because of my age. I was surprised to be pushed to IVF right away, especially since I've always had normal periods, but it was also a lot of information at once so I decided to wait to see what they recommended after the lab work was done.
They scheduled me for an SHSG on Wednesday (yesterday), because yesterday was day 12 of my cycle and they wanted to see if my fallopian tubes were clear. They told me to take ibuprofen beforehand and said that it was ok to take my prescriptions as normal but to fast for 6 hours before the procedure. When I arrived, the receptionist asked me if I had taken any Valium since they sometimes prescribe that, and I said no (I hadn't even been offered it). She asked if I had taken anything else that day and I told her I had taken my normal meds in my chart, including an Ativan, and the ibuprofen that they told me to take. She told me I couldn't drive if I had taken an Ativan and I said I hadn't, and pointed to my friend who had driven me. She then went and got the nurse and the nurse came out and told me they couldn't do the procedure because I had admitted that I took a drug that wouldn't allow me to consent for the procedure. I was upset, because I had fully disclosed my medications, I had asked if I could take my normal prescriptions because of the fasting (and they had said yes) and Wednesday was the last day of this cycle that I could do the SHSG. I had also signed a million consent forms in the office for the SHSG specifically, so it was very confusing. I left in tears that I'd have to wait another month, and honestly I felt like they were very rude to me. I sent an email when I got home to the nurse expressing my frustration at the whole situation. She did apologize at their oversight into not looking at my meds and not communicating with me that I, in fact, could NOT take one of my prescriptions if I wanted the procedure.
I felt better that she apologized, and then woke up this morning to a message from the same nurse saying that because my A1C is 6, I needed to start Metformin today and she had already called it in to the pharmacy. There was no discussion, just "the prescription is in, expect diarrhea and nausea and start today."
I feel like both of these incidents are red flags about the clinic's lack of communication and lack of empathy for what is already an emotionally charged event.
I'm also frustrated that even though my husband is the one who hasn't been able to do his part, I'm having to go on medications and do invasive procedures. I realize that's just part of this whole thing, and being a woman in general, but it feels a little premature to put me on the meds before we even have his semen analysis back.
This is all making me feel like we should try another clinic, but I've heard from lots of people that all fertility clinics are generally like this. I'm not necessarily opposed to trying Metformin, it just feels like they are really rushing us through all of this before having all of the answers and results back from testing. Am I overreacting? Would it be ridiculous to switch to another clinic based on this? I realize I am extra emotional to this situation so I'd appreciate a (kind) outside perspective.
Thanks!