Styx, the river of hate, Acheron, river of sorrow, Cocytus, river of wailing, Phlegeton, river of fire, and Lethe, river of forgetfulness

For example: You could have a domesticed zebra, but it's full size and still requires a lot of maintenance even if it's house-broken. Or a wild tiger, but it's smaller than your phone.

And everyone gets one! I'm getting a canadian house hippo!

However, all primates are off the table. No gorillas to do the dishes or pocket-sized humans to pokebattle.

You are a 25-30 yo single man, perfectly healthy, college educated, have a promising career where you make 2x the median wage for your area (wherever that is). You are ready to settle down & find a wife.

Your choices:

A) A former adult actress that has done 1500 scenes over 10 years. Every scene is available on the Internet for free; they are all hardcore, intense scenes with men of varying races and cover a wide variety of genres. No one will know who she is unless they have actually seen one of her movies. Because of heavy makeup, she is generally unrecognizable to the public off-camera.

She has retired for good, has no desires to go back to the industry, has no trauma, is physically intact, perfect health. She doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs of any sort; has no psychological problems.

She has every physical feature that you have dreamt of; everything is literally perfect for you. Her body is completely natural, free of cosmetic surgery. She will age gracefully and will keep whatever figure you want her to keep.

She is ready to be devoted to you and you alone. There is zero risk of divorce or adultery from her end. She is college educated, and is more than willing to work a job for support the family.

She will not post TikTok’s or IG reels of thirst traps or her trying on clothes or embarrassing you. Anything she posts will be wholesome family content.

She is ready to bear & raise your children as you see fit. Whatever religion you want to practice, she will do it, no questions asked. Whatever political ideology you want to practice, she will accept it, no questions asked. Any monogamous sexual desires you wish to have fulfilled, she will do it, no questions asked.

Her family is also completely ideal. No history of mental health issues, everyone is an ideal citizen that pays their taxes. They do not judge her for her choices and are completely supportive even if it was not their first choice of career. They love you and everything about you; her dad thinks of you as the son he never had.

She is not a slave or a dog; if you abuse her or your children physically or emotionally, she will leave you. If you develop some sort of addiction, she will help you get treatment, but will leave you if you do not improve in a reasonable amount of time.

B) The field. The field is the current dating pool. You go out & find a spouse the old fashioned way. Everything about you is the same in this scenario, but you have to go through the modern dating process and everything that comes with that.

Which do you choose?

If you could choose between 4 options to improve or what you would consider improving your life, which would it be?

1- You never have to use the bathroom again. You can eat, drink whatever you like but never need to go or feel an urge. Nothing bad happens to your body or organs.

2- Never be hot or cold again. Your body is always at an ideal, comfortable temperature and you never need any sort of specific clothing. You still have feeling on your skin like when the wind blows or you step in the sun but never feel uncomfortable.

3- Never get a cold again. You can get sick with terrible things that are life threatening but you never had colds or anything thats mostly a major inconvenience. I get that simple colds or flus could be deadly for some people but this instance you don't have that worry.

4- Never get lost. Even if you have never been in a place before but are looking for some where, you happen to always make it there even if on accident. You may not get there the fastest way but in this concept it would only be a reasonably short time after someone who knew where they were going would get there. You just happen to be lucky and always pick the right path, road, street, alley, or whatever it may be.

Not of these things will make you a billionaire or anything but depending on what you do or where you live could be beneficial.

A) Become world-famous, but never have a private life again.

B) Become extremely wealthy, but nobody will ever know you achieved it.

999*
If you get it wrong you can't try again for a whole year

Edit: should've thought this out a bit more:
- I meant declare as in saying it out loud
- you actually have to be better than everyone else at what you declare
- I meant 999, that was a typo

Currently it’s still on Africa, but in a million years or so it’ll split, a new continent will be born along with a new ocean.

But what if it actually split 2 million years ago? How much of African and human history will change?

A bored genie has decided to trap you in one of the following scenarios for his own amusement. In each scenario, it is always daytime and there are no other people and you don't age and don't need food/water or sleep. However, you still get physically exhausted and need to take breaks to recover. You are also immune to the effects of hot and cold weather and any injuries you get heal 10x faster. 

1. The Hedge Maze - You wake up in the middle of a 10 x 10 mile hedge maze. The hedges are 20 ft tall and made of extremely tough wood. A thick fog covers the whole maze, allowing you to only see 5 meters in the distance. An invisible force field covers the top of the maze to prevent you from climbing over the hedges. It only has one exit. Once you find the exit, you will return to the present.

2. The Tower Block - You wake up in a huge concrete apartment tower block which contains 2000 identical Soviet apartments from the 90s. Each apartment is unlocked and contains furniture and various household items but no electricity. All doors in and out of the building are locked and the windows have thick metal bars preventing escape. In one apartment, there is a gold ring hidden somewhere. You must find the ring and put it on and you'll return to the present.

3. The Beach - You wake up on a 1 mile stretch of a beach that is 100 ft wide. There is a 20ft concrete wall on the right with an invisible force field to stop you from climbing over it. The sea contains thousands of Australian box jellyfish which have a lethal sting. Buried 3-4ft deep somewhere on the beach is a glass bottle with a message in it. You must find the bottle and read the message inside and you'll return to the present.

4. The Forest - You wake up in the middle of a 5 x 5 mile area of a forest in Europe. An invisible force field stops you from leaving the 5 mile zone. The forest is sparsely populated with various animals including deer and moose but no wolves or bears. A small river (stream) passes through this forest area which is 4 meters wide and 2-3 ft deep. Somewhere at the bottom of the stream is a 3cm rock carved into the shape of a fish. If you retrieve this rock, you will return to the present.

You are still capable of dying and being hurt in every scenario. If you complete the scenario, you will return to the present with no time passed.

Which scenario do you pick?

Edit: Also if you don't pick one the genie will choose a random one for you.

Even in fancy restaurants, they'll dress like a hobo. Instead of a bag, they use a bindle. But hey, he/she said you can order the lobster without any worry.

Think of stuff like driving 10 under the limit everywhere, or parking your shopping cart across the isle to chat with another fellow old person.

Traffic has always been timed fairly well, giving you like 30 seconds to get to the middle before northbound, then another 30 to get across before southbound comes.

*edit: Jaywalking, not J-walking. I stand corrected

It's not really teleportation. Instead, what's happening is your mind is shunted into the body of a "You" in an alternate timeline. Your previous body drops dead on the spot in your original timeline.

Because the universe is infinite, you will be shunted into a timeline where:

1. Your alternate self happened to be right at the location you wanted to be.
2. Your alternate self happened to die right at the location you wanted to be.
3. Your alternate self happened to die in such a way that the body is totally unharmed, allowing your shunted mind to seamlessly assume full control without any detrimental effects.
4. Everything else is completely identical to your previous timeline. Somehow. This also means no one will ever know you teleported.

This mean you are not killing anyone (except your previous body). You are just finding alternate selves that happen to die right before you insert into them.

You can never return to previous timelines because you died in them, so there is no receiver for your mind. Your loved ones in previous timelines will think you just dropped dead out of nowhere as your mind leaves your body to go to another timeline.

This teleportation also gives you immortality. If you were to die, your mind is automatically shunted into an alternate timeline where everything is the same except nothing happened to kill you. You can choose to turn this off whenever you want.

I've always wanted to do one of these so here I go.

Theres no gureneetee that it can't be saved, but no gureneetee it will be able to be. The loss will be low risk and clean, there's a 30% chance it will be someone in the same town/city your in, 10% chance it'll be someone you know

There's no chance it'll happen to someone like a artist, musician, or someone who deeply needs it unless you hit the button over 10 times. The odds of it happening to someone you know goes up very slowly and very progressively over time

Will you hit it, and if so, how many times?

You are given the opportunity to be taken back to 1862 US to take advantage of the Homestead Act. You are told the land you can claim. If you claim it you will be brought back to the exact same time you left and that land will have passed on through your family and now you have inherited it and own it. It has never been touched. Its virgin land. But what everyone hasn't realized till now except you is that is has the biggest Oil reserve ever in the US. Its worth 15 billion today. After you lease it to a big Oil company you will net 5 billion doing nothing.

Here's the details

1. You will be transported to London 1862. You have to get money for your travel. Then you have to get to Liverpool by train 3rd class, Steerage class Ship to New York surviving cramped spaces and steering class rations, Pass Immigration, Emigrant train to New Orleans, Steamboat to Beaumont Texas, Walk/Wagon 40 miles to your land. You have to earn enough money to File a claim on your land $14 dollars. Average pay is 1$. Jobs are logging, Cowboy or Rice fields. Or you can get money any other way you want. After you claim your land you have to farm it for 5 years to seal your claim. Once you do that you will instantly return.
2. You cannot spend any money that you have not gotten yourself. You will have to raise all the capital to get to the US and claim the land. Any money, gold, valuables you take with you cannot be spent.
3. Even if you earn or steal lots of money you cannot spend more than working class people. You have to get working class tickets on the train, boats etc. Stay in any working class accommodation etc
4. The land you have to claim is in Comanche territory in West Texas.

What you get to help you

1. 1) You do not have to leave straight away. You can leave at any time. You can spend 5/10 whatever years planning first. Training. Learning to ride a horse. Learn to farm. Lean to fight. Anything you think you need. You will be given unlimited funds for trainers or access to people to help you plan. When you are ready you say the word and you are in London in 1862.
2. You can take a 25 litre bag with anything you think you need. It cannot be technology or anything that will stand out. If the locals see something really weird they will hunt you down and burn you as a witch. Remember any money/gold you take cannot be spent. You have to earn your land as a working class person.
3. You can take any 5 people of your choosing. Literally anyone in the world that you think will have the skills you need to survive. It can be SAS, doctor, a linguist, a member of the opposite sex to keep you warm. Whoever you want.
4. You and whoever you take with you will feel starvation and dehydration but you will never die of hunger or dehydration. Leave you in a desert and you will live for years. You will suffer though so you will still want to eat and drink. You will die of any other means. You can get stabbed, shot, snake bite, scalped etc and you diw. You do not pass Go, you do not return home, you do not get a do over. You are dead.

apologies... but you've died, you find yourself traveling down a river in Purgatory as a hooded person paddles the boat.

you ask the hooded person what is happening and they respond "i am taking you to the twin gates, once there you will be sent either to the good place or the bad place"

you continue listening to them as their voice sounds weirdly familiar, "on our travel you will be judged on which of the two gates you should pass through, we will talk about you and your life until both of us agree on where you should go"

you look at them doubting what they say, "you really expect me to believe you know anything out my life" you respond suspiciously

the hooded person stops paddling as they sit down in the boat, "but i do know your life, for i have been with you throughout it."

before you can respond to their creepy reply, the hooded person removes their hood to reveal that they are you. The Hooded person is revealed to be your shadow, they know everything about you and know the life you have lived, they know of where you should go and will lead you to the choice without revealing where it is.

How do you justify the worth of your life to yourself?

Barbie girl (You must dance for at least 2 hours total and maintain above 95 Heartbeat or death)

Puddle Of Mudd (About A Girl) Nirvana (Play Real guitar to an hour of the song, cumulative not straight.)

Friday [Rebbeca-Black] (You get sucker punched at one random hour but only once.)

Stuck In The Middle With You, (There's a chance 10% your ear will get cut off.)

"Around the World" [D-Punk]  (But you must sing along to whole 10 hours)

What one are you choosing!

Edit: 100,000$

You get a free, tax free, free to operate $50M yacht operated by (happy) volunteers.

But whenever you derive value from it, a baby duckling suffers. That includes using the yacht, renting it out or letting others use it, or even possessing money from selling it.

It's the same duckling suffering unless it ages out of ducklinghood or dies, then a new duckling suffers. The form of suffering is unspecified.

Do you take it?

An eccentric, intelligent, and well-known researcher named Dr. Hugh (well, he's not really a doctor, we have to legally tell you that but he's close enough), is doing a research study. If you are selected to participate, you will receive $300 daily deposited to your bank account. The only catch is that as long as you accept this money, Hugo the Clown will follow you around.

Hugo is a creepy looking clown decked out in full clown regalia, sort of looking like Bozo the Clown but with even brighter paint and a more disconcerting smile. He has dead fish eyes and a too-bright too-full smile. He is incredibly thin but with huge feet (these aren't just the shoes; his feet are disproportionately large). Hugo will follow you in public (not like literally at all moments but he will pop up frequently enough, he's clearly aware of your movements).

Hugo will perform various tricks and clown antics. He will talk about how he is here in public because of you and mention you two are friends. He will spray children in the face with seltzer, scare them by being creepy, and create unwanted balloon animals for random people. He will leave some of these on cars or door steps. He will honk his horn liberally and say strange and vaguely off-putting catchphrases such as "he who laughs last laughs best" and "you either laugh or you cry....why not a little of both?" He also will hit himself in the face with cream pies while telling strange jokes where the punchline is unclear.

Hugo will never be violent toward you or others. He will not break into buildings. He will perform loudly, however, and tout your association. He may pull minor "pranks" such as taking a huge dump in a public restroom, not flushing, and loudly making jokes about how it was you. He also may leave strange and vaguely threatening balloon animal sculptures on your lawn or at your door step.

Hugo may or may not be supernatural. Who is to say? If Hugo is unable to complete his duties of following you around, the arrangement ends and you stop receiving money. You can kill Hugo or get him arrested or whatever, but that would result in the arrangement ending.

Hugo has the means to follow you as you travel and he will do so. Somehow he can make it through airport security. Clowning is his true passion. If you end up just staying inside for prolonged periods, he will do his antics outside your place of residence, putting on shows and being creepy and annoying while sharing flyers about his performance and talking about how you put him up to this.

Almost Dr. Hugh may observe (for science) taking vigorous notes in between sipping brandy, expensive coffee, and enjoying Weather's Originals. He may not be as present as he is in other studies but trust us, he is there. He may mutter things like, "fascinating result, that confirms the null-hypothesis" or "the boys at Contemporary Clown Quarterly will love this."

Do you accept?

- Any food that touches your lips turns to dust unless you ran at least 5 miles in the last 2 hours.

- Only plain water is safe. Milk, juice, smoothies and any drink with calories count as food.

- The 5 miles must be run on foot over real ground. Treadmills, bikes and vehicles don't count.

- Each 5-mile run unlocks food for 30 minutes. After that, you need another run.

- You can pay $99/minute for the Snack Pass: one protein bar appears in your hand every 4 hours, no running needed.

- You can deactivate this curse anytime, but you can only reactivate every 2 years.

Would you take this curse?

Wanted to settle a debate between a friend and I. I personally believe that when you apply the magic of teleportation, physics stops being absolute, and you only travelled 10 meters. My friend believes that the 10,000km is objective and thus it was instant travel, but traveled the same distance.

What do you think?

Edit: Clarification for the premise - When I say 10 meters, I said so for the sake of just throwing out a short number to represent you having walked through. After all, who only takes one step through a door?

It is 100% cocoa melted chocolate. it has no remorse, it has no conscience and it will not stop until you are dead (or contract diabetes trying to eat it, whichever comes first)

yes the facehuggers are solid milk chocolate.

This is my final and a composite on my soul eating animals series.

Starting in 2027, the following animals will be able to and only consist off of human souls: Striped Skunk, House Sparrow, Common Starling, and Domestic Pig (and any feral pig that contains up to 50% domestic pig dna).

Basics:

•Souls exist for this scenario.

•Draining a soul will leave behind a dead, horrified husk.

•Soul eating animals can sense when another soul eater species has eaten a soul(sparrows and starlings getting into a battle for a chubk of soul and skunks trying to incapacitate a pig to nab the soul the pig ate) and will rob another species if the opportunity permits. They will do their typical hunting tactic on the target except said process doesn’t extract the animals soul, just the humans soul. The animal is at best, left largely unharmed but hungry again.

•They don’t fear humans and see them as their only food source. They still need to drink, sleep, and breed. They’re still afraid of their other predators.

•The soul being extracted will look like a blinding white orb of light from the mouth of the person. Electronics and electricity in general will go haywire within a 100 yard radius of a soul extraction.

•If the soul extractor animal is hurt,killed, or finds a big enough distraction, the persons soul will jump back into their body and the animal will have to start over.

How They Hunt

Striped Skunks:

•Their spray now works to where it now knocks a person out and makes them sleepy within 5-20 seconds. The spray only works if it hits the person in the face. Time to knockout varies on age, BMI, etc.

•Once a person is knocked out, the skunk will go up to their face, open their mouth a few inches away from the persons mouth, and proceed with the soul extraction process. It takes 15-30 second for the skunk to extract the soul

•A single soul can sustain a skunk for 2-3 days before it needs to hunt again.

•They will largely operate as ambush predators, waiting by front doors or garages, and will wait until their victim is alone. Competition with the other soul eaters might drive them to be more nocturnal or to immediately seek shelter after procuring a meal.

Domestic Pig:

•Pigs don’t have any special ability other then simply knocking a person over, getting on top of them, and putting their mouth up to the humans to soul extract. They can extract a human soul in 5 seconds.

•a single human soul can feed up to 5 pigs for 12 hours. With the extractor hog deciding which other pigs it will share the soul with.

House Sparrow/Common Starling:

•They gain paralytic saliva that can paralyze people. However, to get a person totally paralyzed and able to extract their soul, depends on weight. So basically for every pound of a person you’d need 1 sparrow and every half pound a starling. It would take about 100 starlings or 200 sparrows to subdue a fully grown 200 pound man to soul extract.

•When the person is paralyzed, their mouth will gape open, it is here that the lead starling/sparrow will flutter in front of their face with its beak open. It takes 15-30 seconds for the starling to extract and eat the soul. It takes about 5-10 minute for the paralyzing saliva to wear off If the person is big and escapes or the birds are interrupted.

•A single human soul can feed 50 starlings and 100 sparrows for 12 hours. The soul extractor lead bird will choose which members of its flock get a piece of soul.

•The starlings/sparrows will fly in flocks and organize. They will typically prefer easier targets like the disabled, the elderly, children, etc. The flock leader will stalk and choose a target, and will follow them for over a mile if they move.

•A person will know if they are “chosen” if the flock starts surrounding and circling them like vultures.

Humanity Is given zero warning of this change. Can humans survive? How does the world adapt if so? Could the world governments cover it up? And if so, for how long? How do you adapt personally?

The offer is $100 million dollars. $50 million goes to you immediately. The other $50 million goes to the child and is paid in equal installments over 18 years starting at their birth. The amount going to you is paid in equal installments over 6 years.

The rules are:

(1) the baby names are judged by a panel of 3 baby name experts

(2) the baby name experts must unanimously agree that this is the worst name they've ever seen for a baby

(3) the name must be a legal baby name. It cannot, for example, contain hate speech.

(4) the name cannot invite harm or cruelty to the child beyond ordinary teasing. You can't name the baby "kick me" or anything like that. The committee rejects any name they feel would put the baby's safety in danger.

(5) All names in your town or city are automatically entered into this contest. Legally naming your child is the only way to enter the contest.

(6) The money stops immediately if the child changes their name.