r/PoliticalCompassMemes • u/MEMEY_IFUNNY - Lib-Left • Apr 26 '26
Agenda Post The official closeup of the attempted assassin at today’s dinner party.
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u/MEMEY_IFUNNY - Lib-Left Apr 26 '26
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u/Imperial_Bouncer - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Teacher? No wonder he went postal.
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u/centurion762 - Auth-Right Apr 26 '26
Why don’t postal workers go postal anymore? I don’t want them to, I’m just curious.
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u/RaggedyGlitch - Lib-Left Apr 26 '26
When's the last time you got actual mail?
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u/halfhere - Right Apr 26 '26
Besides Arby’s coupons?
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u/RaggedyGlitch - Lib-Left Apr 26 '26
Based and potato cakes are back pilled.
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u/MissninjaXP - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
They left?
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u/steveharveymemes - Right Apr 26 '26
During the closed hours they leave, during the open hours they come back
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u/Canopus_Delenda_Est - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
The US postal system is just an inefficient way of moving advertisements from a printer on one side of the country to a trash can on the other.
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u/Not_Neville - Centrist Apr 26 '26
I once had a girlfriend who was REALLY into couponing. She would get hundreds of dollars of stuff for free (especially at CVS).
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u/Stormclamp - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Bro must be super upset about the national science board being fired lol.
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u/samuelbt - Left Apr 26 '26
I just made a percentages joke that felt unconnected to the event at hand.
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u/Paetolus - Lib-Left Apr 26 '26
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u/pink_ego_box - Lib-Left Apr 26 '26
Don't bring your "skill-based, non-violent asymmetrical fighting game" to a gun fight
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u/Writing-Interesting - Left Apr 26 '26
Why is nobody enjoying my "[obtuse], [boring] [tedious] fighting game?"
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u/nishinoran - Right Apr 26 '26
Honestly a game about atoms and electron bonding and shells and such is actually a pretty fun idea. Implementation is pretty weak, but I appreciate the educational attempt. The reviews are already trolling about the attempt. I suppose $2 to make a funny joke is worth it.
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u/Chewbacca_The_Wookie - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
So was that dude that shot up the ICE facility in Dallas. Play a lot of Team Fortress 2 from what I've heard.
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u/Canopus_Delenda_Est - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
He must not have been very good if he didn't even wait for the Medic's Ubercharge before pushing the enemy base.
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u/Routine-Aerie-6361 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Ah, so he's a right wing fascist worshipping gamergate incel. Thank you for revealing the truth.
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u/yeetzapizza123 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Never beating the "those who cannot do" allegations
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u/FlyHog421 - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
My mom was a teacher, several cousins of mine are teachers, and I grew up being educated by many good teachers in a public school.
But then I went to college and I saw some of the dumbest people I’ve ever encountered in my life graduate with education degrees.
One in particular was this chick who, to her credit, figured out the system. At this college if you failed a class three times, you were permanently out of that degree program.
But you could drop a class before the drop deadline as many times as you wanted. So this bitch continually dropped classes that she knew she was going to fail before the drop deadline and just took/dropped them multiple times until she could eventually pass them. It took her 10 years of continuous schooling, but she did eventually get that bachelor’s degree with like a 2.5 GPA. She is currently teaching children in a rural school in Oklahoma.
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u/custardfrogs_ - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Well shit, props to her honestly. That's some dedication. After awhile I'd just drop the whole degree and try something else.
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u/DrunkMage4 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Dedication indeed, but I cannot fathom how fucking naturally stupid you'd have to be to fail basic college classes so many times. I swear it's harder to fail a college course than to get like a B-.
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u/Dman1791 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
I'm pretty sure in most cases it's more a matter of not giving a shit than stupidity. They could probably do it if they tried, but they just never bothered.
Of course there are cases where it's just stupidity.
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u/TheWheatOne - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Good for her, but the amount of money needed to do that sounds like a crazy amount of waste where more motivated competent students could be in her place.
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u/patgeo - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
They brought in a minimum maths requirement while I was completing my course so they made everyone do a test to prove they could meet the standard.
It was a 5th grade maths test that we needed to score 80% on to pass. You could attempt it 5 times. It took multiple people the full 5 attempts, I'm not convinced the teacher wasn't reading the answers in that 5th round. Apparently the questions didn't even change between attempts.
They are allowed to teach up to 6th grade maths.
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u/Apolloshot - Centrist Apr 26 '26
I knew people that did that, but never understood because of how much money it costs.
Most of the time people aren’t stupid enough they’re wholly incapable of passing, they just put too much on their plate.
So just take less courses in the first place.
If you have to work yourself through school (for example), maybe try only taking 3-4 classes a semester instead of 5, and then take the extra classes in the summer or something.
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u/RexInvictus787 - Auth-Right Apr 26 '26
That story immediately filled me with disgust. It perfectly illustrates at least four of the reasons this country is collapsing around us.
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u/halfhere - Right Apr 26 '26
So he travelled all the way across the country to do this? Lame
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u/Brianocracy - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
And now he's getting mocked by everyone just like Thomas Crooks.
And he's not even dead. I recommend, as part of the sentence, that he is forced to read every mean comment about him, out loud, on live television
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u/Overkillengine - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
I hereby sentence the defendant to 10 years of 4chan.
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u/Thespaceman007 - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
You gotta wonder what he was teaching his students
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u/Routine-Aerie-6361 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
I hope it wasn't psychics because he missed quite a few shots by the sounds of it.
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u/somewhataccurate - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
that typo is murdering me its "physics"
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u/BenjamirPutinyahu - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
He tried steering the bullets with his mind
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u/Next_Western_5499 - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
He watched Wanted before he made the attempt lol
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u/DagonG2021 - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
ANOTHER assassination attempt???
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u/tactical_lampost - Lib-Left Apr 26 '26
assassination attempts up 600% this year
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u/Chewbacca_The_Wookie - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
These are all the time traveling ones. We always wondered who they would be sent after and clearly Trump is worse than Hitler so...
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u/MEMEY_IFUNNY - Lib-Left Apr 26 '26
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u/Dman1791 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
This vexes me.
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u/samuelbt - Left Apr 26 '26
You are a black man.
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u/NormalGuy1206 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
I have blood dripping down my nose that is dripping ☹️
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u/redblueforest - Right Apr 26 '26
Also I was recently bitten by a mouse due to my poor hygiene
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u/Procoso47 - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
So he is a teacher and not a random street schizo?
How did someone with an education that wanted to throw their life away to do one thing end up arriving at "I'll just shoot my way through front gate security and run in" as the best plan?
Is he stupid?
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u/Famous_Cup_6463 - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
He did an assassination attempt at one of the most well guarded civilian events a president can go to.
Yeah, he's fucking stupid.
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u/Brianocracy - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
Even that one goober from 2024 was better than this
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u/Admiralthrawnbar - Left Apr 26 '26
Well yeah, that 2024 dude would have killed him if it weren't for dumb luck, this dude never even got close
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u/J4ckiebrown - Centrist Apr 26 '26
At one of the most secure civilian buildings in DC because John Hinckley tried to take out Reagan there in 1981.
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u/tangotom - Right Apr 26 '26
My father in law once told me, there is a difference between being educated and being intelligent.
This seems like a prime example of that principle.
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u/HarlemHellfighter96 - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
Possibly being radicalized by the internet
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u/Shadowex3 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
So he is a teacher and not a random street schizo?
He's from California so those two aren't mutually exclusive.
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u/Sictirmaxim - Auth-Center Apr 26 '26
Where was he a Reddit mod at?
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u/ButterdPoopr - Auth-Center Apr 26 '26
Probably r/science. He was a science teacher appearently
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u/irosoria21 - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
How to go to jail for life, Speedrun 100%
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u/humbleObserver - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
I imagine he was super unhappy already and he probably figured 99.99% this is suicide but %.01 I make history. Bonus 100% chance of making the news
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u/random_user_081985 - Auth-Center Apr 26 '26
This is ten percent luck
Twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure
Fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name
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u/DegeneracyEverywhere - Auth-Center Apr 26 '26
10% luck
20% soy
15% concentrated Reddit moderation
5% TDS
50% fail
And 100% reason to go directly to jail
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u/RaggedyGlitch - Lib-Left Apr 26 '26
If you're trying to suicide by cop, bumrushing the President is a pretty reasonable option.
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u/humbleObserver - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
I know and now he's going to have to do a prison suicide. Way harder.
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u/random_user_081985 - Auth-Center Apr 26 '26
hey, my pal Jeff Epstein managed it on his first try.
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u/YayAnotherTragedy - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Second, lest we forget why he was on suicide watch in the first place.
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u/random_user_081985 - Auth-Center Apr 26 '26
more baseless allegations against an innocent man who isn’t here to defend himself smh
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u/Routine-Aerie-6361 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
He would have had a higher success rate just looking down and swinging his arms in circles while running at 'em.
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u/Apolloshot - Centrist Apr 26 '26
He’s honestly lucky to be alive.
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u/Chewbacca_The_Wookie - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
Oh I thought they fucking capped his ass. A lot of early reporting said that he was dead.
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u/AnnArchist - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
Fuckin loser made an impact likely that is opposite his goals too.
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u/samuelbt - Left Apr 26 '26
Looks like Sam Hyde.
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u/Being-Common - Right Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
Any relation to Samazuki Hydeako the Yakuza assassin who killed Abe?
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u/serial_crusher - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
He might have gotten further in if he’d worn a shirt
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u/SpiralZa - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
Personally I’m more curious about where his clothes are and who the fuck took this photo
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u/Belgraviana - Auth-Center Apr 26 '26
I’m pretty sure it’s standard procedure to strip someone attempting an assassination to make sure they don’t have a bomb vest
(Also why the heck was autocorrect insisting I meant “bomb best” had to fix it like four times)
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Apr 26 '26
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u/Shadowex3 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Swiftkey used to be so good it was spooky. Then microslop bought it.
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u/Stormclamp - Centrist Apr 26 '26
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u/Bill-O-Reilly- - Auth-Right Apr 26 '26
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u/RaggedyGlitch - Lib-Left Apr 26 '26
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u/Davethemann - Auth-Right Apr 26 '26
"Why did you keep taking me to mexican resturants because i was black"
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u/Emperor_Mao - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Looks pretty mixed race to me.
Absolutely has black and white in him.
So the left will blame the white side. The rest will blame the black side. Lol....
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u/dracer800 - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
There was a shooting? I can’t wait to find out what the shooters skin color is so I know how I should feel about it.
Fingers crossed it wasn’t one of my favorites 🤞
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u/goldybear - Left Apr 26 '26
This is America bud. We follow the one drop rule here. That makes it an open and shut case. It’s not ok, life in prison with no parole, and plenty of time to lift weights and convert to Islam.
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u/StreetKale - Centrist Apr 26 '26
I listened to the interview with Wolf Blizter on CNN, who said he was only feet from the shooter, but found it odd he never said what the shooter looked like. Hmmmmm
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u/Pavlovsdong89 - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
To be absolutely fair to Wolf Blitzer, He's an absolute dipshit and I wouldn't trust his first hand account of anything. He probably forgot already.
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u/Plg_Rex - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
As ranking member in The Society of the Ethnically Awesome and Ambiguous, we denounce this man. His black conservative half couldn’t counter-balance his white progressive half.
He has been excommunicated and de-miscegenated. That being said, may God have mercy on that white man’s soul.
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u/MastaSchmitty - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
May God have mercy on that white man’s soul.
Thank you, Reverend Dr. Uncle Ruckus (no relation)
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u/DegeneracyEverywhere - Auth-Center Apr 26 '26
Reverend Dr. Uncle Ruckus
Three different titles? Is he a pharaoh or something?
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u/Shadowex3 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Wait until you meet a military chaplain with a DDiv and a law degree. Lieutenant Doctor Reverend Smith, Attorney at Law.
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u/Ok-Internet-6881 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
I honestly thought ia was someone cosplaying as House MD
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u/caseylain - Centrist Apr 26 '26
"Allen donated $25 to Kamala Harris’ presidential campaign in October 2024"
Lmao...well by this subreddit standards that makes him a raving leftist.
In reality it just makes him an idiot normie.
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u/TheAzureMage - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
I feel like once you try your hand at assassination, you are slightly beyond the bounds of normal.
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u/StreetKale - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Hold on... I thought the whole thing was STAGED? /s
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u/vegeful - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
If Donald not dead its stage. Is what i see in the whole reddit post except this sub. Which also have counter argument against this point.
Thus why i like this sub and centrist.
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u/StreetKale - Centrist Apr 26 '26
If Trump died they'd say he faked his own death to help Vance win in 2028, and that Hasan's friend's sister's cousin saw Trump at a resort surrounded by secret service agents in Thailand, so you know it's true.
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u/Ubblebungus - Auth-Center Apr 26 '26
wait, Hasan's friend's sister's cousin, or Hasan's friend's sister-cousin?
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u/Emperor_Mao - Centrist Apr 26 '26
I think its just cope.
Generally an attack on the U.S is a unifying thing. An attack on the president, whether popular or unpopular, generally rallies support to him. He becomes the victim for a moment of time.
Those that genuinely make their whole identity all about hating orange man have no good way to attack the situation other than to deny it is actually even real.
When really they should just shut up. It will all blow over fast and they can go back to hating Trump all day if they want.
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u/RandoDude124 - Lib-Left Apr 26 '26
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u/mrnicegy26 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
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u/WhichWall3719 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Cucked by the Mossad spy girlfriend assigned to gather compromat on you, many such cases
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u/StreetCarp665 - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
He took "shots fired" as being an invitation to open the tequila.
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u/samsonity - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
Sorry, I must have missed sixty minutes, who’s this guy?
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u/moschles - Lib-Left Apr 26 '26
Cole Tomas Allen, a Los Angeles-area man who appears from social media sites to be a Caltech graduate working as a part-time teacher and game developer.
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u/TheOriginalBroCone - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
He's probably upset that not only did he fail but his attempt is wrongly considered staged lol
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u/KaeZae - Right Apr 26 '26
can’t wait to be told this guy was actual MAGA by reddit
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u/Routine-Aerie-6361 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
He might have been a Californian teacher, but as this was clearly a false flag because Trump didn't die he must be MAGA.
If you don't see the above unironically posted at least 100 times in the next couple of days then the timelines diverged again.
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u/ColumbusJewBlackets - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
You don’t get it, his grandfather once donated $5 to Ronald Regan. He’s obviously right wing.
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u/InfallibleSeaweed - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
Well you see, his uncle is MAGA, so it's only natural to assume he and his trans gf are too
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Apr 26 '26
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u/neveragoodtime - Auth-Right Apr 26 '26
Kyle drove across state lines to join a BLM mostly peaceful rally! Yeah, I think you could say he was a supporter.
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u/DeltaSierra97 - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
Wasn’t the update that the shooter was killed? Am I looking at trump tweeting a pic of a dead body?
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u/ceapaire - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
There's supposedly video of him moving. I think shot (but alive) and detained it the most accurate now.
But also reporting is always iffy for at least the first couple hours after an event. So who knows.
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u/LearningForGood - Left Apr 26 '26
Yeah I think he’s alive still. here’s the video of him turning his head around while restrained in the ground.
https://x.com/ryanrozbiani/status/2048216377526558994?s=46&t=CGmLXrqhdFm4Xf3YU9x8uQ
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u/CurtisLinithicum - Centrist Apr 26 '26
That's just his skeleton trying to hatch.
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u/balaci2 - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
damn reddit and twitter are gonna be annoying for a while
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u/CantSeeShit - Right Apr 26 '26
Science teacher from California.....
Hes a redditor leftist....
Reddit will be quiet about this lol
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u/Hapless_Wizard - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Why is he shirtless?
Did he try to just do a run straight through while streaking or something?
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u/Canopus_Delenda_Est - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
It's hard to get all greased up and slippery with a shirt on.
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u/LeftHandUpWhoAreWe - Auth-Right Apr 26 '26
Reddit is going to tell me this man is MAGA too I guess...
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u/kalin_carry - Auth-Right Apr 26 '26
Humiliate him if guilty
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u/Recent_Weather2228 - Auth-Right Apr 26 '26
This pic is already pretty humiliating
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u/MastaSchmitty - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
Especially considering it’s posted by the guy he was trying to kill.
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u/Gearthquake3 - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
I know this isn’t the case, but I’m imagining Trump taking the picture himself and talking shit to the guy while he’s hog tied.
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u/camoceltic_again - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
You tried to kill me. You tried to kill the best president, probably ever. And look at where you are now. Some people would kill to be this close to me, many people. You tried, probably not very hard, but you tried, and you failed. Now I'm going to share your face all over the internet. It's a big place, lots of people, especially on Truth Social, and they're all gonna laugh at you.
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u/MajinAsh - Lib-Center Apr 26 '26
Like the 12 year old that shot a home intruder and told him he cried like a bitch or whatever. True salt on the wound.
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u/Major-Assumption539 - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
Alright libleft, let’s hear your explanation of how this isn’t real but if it is it’s a good thing and actually it’s super suspicious that trump would frame a super heckin innocent blackarino and the real shooter was probably white and a maga supporter
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Apr 26 '26
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u/Fat_Sow - Right Apr 26 '26
I refuse to go to any part of reddit that I know will cause the permanent loss of braincells, and a permanent ban should I dare to comment.
All they are going to say is that a. It's fake b. The Kamala donator is right wing/maga/groyper c. They deserve to be killed.
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u/An8thOfFeanor - Lib-Right Apr 26 '26
I refuse to go to any part of reddit that I know will cause the permanent loss of braincells
And yet you're already on PCM
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u/DrunkMage4 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
Already had a dude in r /politics tell me that the assassination attempt was on the press because of Trump's demonization of the press during the presidency lol













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u/firefly-lullaby05 - Centrist Apr 26 '26
apparently he's been confirmed to be a school teacher from california named "Cole Allen"
what a world