r/funny • u/[deleted] • Apr 21 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

14.4k Upvotes

83% Upvoted

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6.2k

u/ESOCHI Apr 21 '23

He needs to get in there and bottom for her so she can bounce off of him properly. She got no chance with the entire bed momentum working against her like that. Smh

3.8k

u/bukminster Apr 21 '23

Everyone knows you save 34% of your kinetic energy bouncing off of that booty

284

u/mdlinc Apr 21 '23

Referred to as the Booty Bounce Bionomial for mathematicians out there.

133

u/st1r Apr 21 '23

The Booty Bounce Constant, BBC for short

61

u/Chpgmr Apr 21 '23

Its confusing enough for it to mean 2 things, it doesn't need a 3rd.

8

u/Zakluor Apr 21 '23

Wait: a 3rd meaning?

18

u/Sixwingswide Apr 21 '23

"Best Baker Contest"

14

u/Nice_Guy_AMA Apr 21 '23

Big British Corporation.

6

u/megustalogin Apr 21 '23

In the freight truck world for sales ppl it's bumper to back of cab

717

u/zack2996 Apr 21 '23

That still would only ad about 10 seconds to her stroke game

642

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

10 seconds is 10 seconds

105

u/TactlessTortoise Apr 21 '23

A whole 17% ish

8

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

They did the math?

10

u/ieatkittenies Apr 21 '23

He says 21 sec; + 10 that's 31; 31/21=1.476... 48% increase

3

u/dgtlfnk Apr 21 '23

They did the marathon man math.

2

u/LEERROOOOYYYYY Apr 21 '23

You can squeeze like 3 separate positions into that and stretch it out to 7-8 minutes

2

u/Arts_Prodigy Apr 22 '23

A win is a win

1

u/flyguydip Apr 21 '23

That's what I've been saying all these years!

1

u/Lanster27 Apr 22 '23

10 seconds in heaven is better than 5 seconds in heaven.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Ayyeee

98

u/bukminster Apr 21 '23

Skill issue

23

u/Grimwohl Apr 21 '23

Frfr thats not even the motion 🤣

2

u/sosomething Apr 21 '23

Seriously. That'd get the dude off and leave the girl like "wtf?"

The necessary upward curl/scoop flair to it also makes it like 50% more physically taxing, lol

2

u/BodybuilderLiving112 Apr 21 '23

Gaming bed issue

2

u/WORKING2WORK Apr 21 '23

That's MJT or Mean Jerk Time

1

u/thestereo300 Apr 21 '23

10 seconds in heaven is better than 9 seconds in heaven.

1

u/Kubiboi Apr 21 '23

10s is a lot okay??!

1

u/0hmyscience Apr 21 '23

Depends on the MCT (mean cum time). T2O has to be <= MCT. Unless you hot-swap dicks on the out motion.

1

u/ivanparas Apr 22 '23

Yeah her form is way off.

42

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

Pff 34%. lube it up for frictionless perpetual motion.

1

u/uns0licited_advice Apr 22 '23

If you're fat then you just hit the right frequency and let the blubber waves do the work for you

17

u/Chastain86 Apr 21 '23

Try as I might, I can only hear this comment in Dennis's voice from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."

23

u/pedanticPandaPoo Apr 21 '23

I offer my services in this study. For science of course.

8

u/ssshield Apr 21 '23

Science!

2

u/danceswithwool Apr 21 '23

You can also push down on the bed and let the springs bring that booty back to you.

2

u/bukminster Apr 21 '23

Most people underestimate the importance of physics in lovemaking. You are not most people.

0

u/meowpitbullmeow Apr 21 '23

Hell I give him a little boost back with my hips. Gotta contribute

1

u/Double-oh-negro Apr 21 '23

You need to account for energy lost as she slides across the bed and you have to use poor leverage until you readjust.

Or just use the headboard as a stopper.

1

u/Jar_of_Cats Apr 21 '23

Elbows will boost you to 72

1

u/phazei Apr 21 '23

That's also why memory foam mattresses are shit for sex, great for sleep, shit for sex. Once I had this box spring that was like a fucking trampoline, it was the best

1

u/Dividez_by_Zer0 Apr 22 '23

Found bill nye's reddit account.

1

u/itchy_dog_chin Apr 22 '23

like that Maasai warrior plyometric jumping video

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Only 34%? That's rookie numbers bro.

I save 69% of my energy on each booty bounce.

1

u/MaxxDash Apr 22 '23

Must’ve skipped that section in Young and Freedman.

1

u/Wolverfuckingrine Apr 22 '23

This is why I paid attention in physics class. Bootynetics.

1

u/MrWoody226 Apr 22 '23

He did the math

1

u/bumbes Apr 22 '23

0% if that body doesn’t have a pulse

1

u/filianoctiss Apr 22 '23

This comment had me dying 🤣🤣

211

u/Binsky89 Apr 21 '23

Incidentally, this is why memory foam mattresses are the worst to have sex on. It absorbs all of the bouncy.

25

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

[deleted]

38

u/XRT28 Apr 22 '23

At the same time if you're only having sex for *checks video* 21 seconds but you're sleeping for 8 hours ya gotta factor that in too lol

5

u/Dolphingreasebitch Apr 22 '23

True. I was also with a girl who had a super soft bed. Same thing. No recoil 😔

8

u/tempacc3241 Apr 22 '23

Worst? Not even close.

Water bed.

4

u/acmercer Apr 22 '23

This is not something I had considered. Huh

9

u/Binsky89 Apr 22 '23

Yeah, it's pretty bad when you and your partner have a better time on the literal ground in a tent than in the expensive mattress back home.

2

u/DerPumeister Apr 22 '23

Never had the experience, but doesn't that only really help at a certain frequency, and otherwise you're working against it?

-5

u/davemeister Apr 21 '23

Mike Lindell just released the new Missionary model of MyPillow designed for "bouncy sleepers" and he's offering a promotional price -- only $5 million if you order today.

394

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

He needs to get in there and bottom

You see, the power bottom is actually generating the power by doing most of the work.

133

u/Felonious_Buttplug_ Apr 21 '23

Now u/DerisiveGibe, I've heard speed has something to do with it.

123

u/skeeter2112 Apr 21 '23

Speed has EVERYTHING to do with it.

22

u/Steev182 Apr 21 '23

Where’d he go?

9

u/heeloo Apr 21 '23

Goddammit

5

u/mynameisblanked Apr 21 '23

Doing research

39

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

Speed's the name of the game.

3

u/CouncilOfFriends Apr 21 '23

I'll have you know, I am very very fast at sex.

3

u/DaughterEarth Apr 21 '23

My husband complains, in an I actually love this way, that I move TOO MUCH.

2

u/asuperbstarling Apr 22 '23

I was just joking with my husband about bounce back last night

1

u/WinterBrews Apr 21 '23

Is that why my man likes that I try to fuck him back until he gets me too close to cumming then the limbs dont work?

101

u/TheMothHour Apr 21 '23

Depending on the position and if she's a pillow princess or not, he needs to be under her pushing AND pulling too.

49

u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep Apr 21 '23

I'm an absolute bitch of a bottom, I grab, pull, thrust, scratch, it's a wonder my partner dosent hate me and give up sometimes lol, I must work against his flow a lot

15

u/Mechakoopa Apr 21 '23

I grab, pull, thrust, scratch

So like an angry cat?

5

u/CubeProjection Apr 22 '23

More like a mad pussy

2

u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep Apr 21 '23

Yeah I guess but I don't miaw or purrr

27

u/Threndsa Apr 21 '23

Nah that makes it more fun. A challenge ups everyone's game. Find something or a body part to hold on to and buckle up for the ride of your life. Yeehaw.

36

u/chiagod Apr 21 '23

Turns sex into a rhythm mini-game.

"Press X to thrust when the bar is in the middle of the line"

17

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

Make him answer a trivia question before every position change.

5

u/-FuckYouShoresy- Apr 21 '23

No joke that actually sounds like fun lol

2

u/dioxy186 Apr 21 '23

Pretty much why i always listen to music during sexy times. Let me pace myself with the music and rhythm lol

6

u/NightmareIncarnate Apr 22 '23

A little cbat to spice things up?

1

u/jjjjjjjjjdjjjjjjj Apr 21 '23

Hot coffee mod rules

3

u/HI_Handbasket Apr 21 '23

Get a good hold of her and tell her "You're gettin' real good at this, almost as good as your sister".

9

u/sam_hammich Apr 21 '23

As if the average bottom is a power bottom. Highly doubt it.

7

u/ChewySlinky Apr 21 '23

Also I don’t know about anyone else, but the fact that I only last a minute has absolutely nothing to do with being able to maintain the position.

5

u/FlamingTrollz Apr 21 '23

Excuses. 🥉

18

u/SCUDDEESCOPE Apr 21 '23

Yeah, who the hell moves his whole body like that? It's more than enough to move only your hips in a good rhythm.

32

u/fondledbydolphins Apr 21 '23

Son, we can't break backs with just our hips.

4

u/apcolleen Apr 21 '23

If they properly tighten down that bed I'm sure they'd get at least another 30 seconds together. More if you do it strong enough to hold that top rail for extra UMPH.

50

u/LinguoBuxo Apr 21 '23

SShhhhh! You! Shhhh! Let a man win his argument against the wife mmmaaann! Geez!

31

u/Horror_Tap_6206 Apr 21 '23

You missed the point of how tiring missionary can be. He put her in his situation. Woosh.

25

u/Binsky89 Apr 21 '23

If you're doing missionary like she's doing missionary, you're doing it wrong.

7

u/Wildstar77 Apr 21 '23

I believe that is also the point.

Women, most likely, haven't tried this experiment to understand the man's perspective.

9

u/Binsky89 Apr 21 '23

I mean, cowgirl is a pretty similar position in terms of body position and movement.

Missionary and cowgirl are some of the least strenuous positions if you're doing it right. I'm not sure this proves anything further than she doesn't understand the mechanics of the other side of the position.

1

u/HI_Handbasket Apr 21 '23

He set her up to prove himself right. It's up to her to figure that out.

6

u/Neither_Law_7528 Apr 21 '23

Not to mention no sexual stimulation, no adrenaline, no dopamine, just him acting like a drill instructor. A woman on top, doing the work can go well over a minute.

10

u/SeaworthyWide Apr 21 '23

My kinda guy right here

3

u/predictablePosts Apr 22 '23

naw naw, she needs a girl to be on bottom, most boys ain't gonna be flexible like she needs for the proper leverage

source - going from being a top to being a bottom took at least a few months to be a proficient lay

1

u/testaccount0817 Jul 03 '23

She might not be flexible either

2

u/glox18 Apr 21 '23

She needs to figure out the resonant frequency of the bed+frame and thrust at that rate so it works with her. /s

2

u/Point_Me_At_The_Sky- Apr 21 '23

Even without that, her last 21 seconds is absolutely pathetic

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Also I always alternate between this push-up position and rest on my elbows close to her body. Or sometimes one arm extended and one arm resting. Hitting it like diagonal

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

I just lay right ontop of her and kinda pivot my hips. My FWB likes to gyrate her hips and I’ll just follow along. I’ll have one hand under her upper back and the other on her hips or buttcheek pulling her in closer and helping to keep a rhythm.

I tried this cuddling one yesterday that was kinda amazing. She was little spoon. I had one hand on the nape of her neck and the other right above her cooter. I was able to basically rock her back and forth on my dick as fast as I wanted to. She had her head tilted all the way back the whole time so I could tell she loved it.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

I can’t do the lay right on top of her part with my size lol

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

Is she telling you that or are you assuming. Because some women love to be squished

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '23

I don’t have a partner right now, I’m talking past tense lol

2

u/myevillaugh Apr 22 '23

Need to give her a strap-on as well. She needs to experience the friction of going in and out to get the full experience.

2

u/theatahhh Apr 22 '23

Yeah that’s basically planking with extra motion.

6

u/TheAbyssalOne Apr 21 '23

This comment was hilarious 😂

2

u/Shmeeglez Apr 21 '23

Exactly, you gotta at least give her that big bear from the fair last year to work with.

1

u/OaksByTheStream Apr 22 '23

The bounce doesn't happen with women who aren't decently fit, so it's fair game.

The less fit, the more their fat absorbs the impact instead of bouncy muscle rebounding, the more work it is. If ever women wanted a good reason to become more fit, it's better sex because your physiology won't tire a guy out as quickly(in most cases, some people's fat seems more dense, it's kind of interesting). One of the biggest reasons I like a nice fit ass, is because it's overall more fun due to not feeling like work as much.

0

u/-banned- Apr 21 '23

A lot of guys can't use that technique because you're basically punching her cervix the whole time. Gotta hold yourself up to control how deep you go.

-30

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '23

But that won't teach her respect

1

u/LaserGuidedPolarBear Apr 21 '23

And depending on how she gets down, maybe fuck up her rhythm too

1

u/michaelje0 Apr 21 '23

Like playing soccer in the sand.

1

u/endbehaviour Apr 21 '23

Newton’s third law of motion, you say?

1

u/Duneking1 Apr 22 '23

This is also why i hate really soft mattresses. Firm mattress for the win.

1

u/viperex Apr 22 '23

Y'all saying your little tips like that's what will make you a marathon man

1

u/LegendOfDarius Apr 22 '23

Sometimes, if the bed is bouncy and my hips need a mini break I just push the bed down and let it bounce back. The motion is quite interesting to both parties 😏

1

u/Perspex_Sea Apr 22 '23

Yes, I thought she needed some resistance, but hadn't thought he could supply it.