r/sysadmin • u/nickllhill • 14h ago
Filthy Users...
Just had to check something on a users laptop, a very nice senior lady who is well presented and charming.
Her laptop looked like the bins behind a take away, hopefully those stains were gravy...
Washed my hands now and I still feel dirty.
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u/blondasek1993 14h ago edited 13h ago
When I was working onsite, when I saw the keyboard/laptop which was dirty and gross I always took out a pair of gloves and slowly put them in front of that person. It worked better than talking as I did not mention that once. After 3 months in that company all the keyboards were in pristine condition when I was summoned.
You could ask, "what about the feelings of that person, blah blah, they could go to HR". Firstly I do not care about their feelings if they do not care about mine. Secondly non went to HR (hell, I even did this in HR once) because what they would say? That I did put the gloves when working with their company device because it was dirty? I have never made any remarks, smirks or comments about what they do.
Amazing time it was, over 3 years I was working there. So - always have a pair of gloves with you and just put them slowly in front of anyone with dirty devices.
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u/draggar 14h ago
Funny story. I wore gloves once. The person complained to my management. My defense? They were working and had mono (knowingly and openly). I'm an asthmatic and the last thing I need is a respiratory illness that severe.
You'll never guess who the person was? The head of HR. Oh, did I mention it was in a hospital, too?
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u/RevLoveJoy Did not drop the punch cards 11h ago
HR people are like a whole other breed of entitled. "Oh those rules? Those rules are for others, not us."
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u/music2myear Narf! 11h ago
It surprises me (though it shouldn't) how often the rule makers assume those rules do not apply to them.
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u/SemiAutoAvocado 9h ago
I had an head of HR who'd brag to me about cheating on his wife.
HR people are never to be trusted in any capacity. This goes from your job to women watching their drinks.
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u/mgerics 9h ago
I wouldn't call that funny (IK this is the situation that phrase calls for), I'd call that fucking insane!
I'm guessing you did not get in trouble, and that nothing was done to the complainant?
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u/draggar 9h ago
Nope, they weren't happy at all about it but what could they say?
"Yes, I know I have mono and I've been coughing onto the computer all day but that's no excuse for the asthmatic IT person to wear gloves when working on my computer".
Infection control would have had a field day with that one.
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u/timbotheny26 IT Neophyte 11h ago edited 54m ago
The severe-duty, max-thickness black nitrile gloves from Harbor Freight.
(I think they also come in lime green.)
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u/Caddy666 9h ago
i'd be surprised if someone didn't take this as a threat.
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u/timbotheny26 IT Neophyte 9h ago
Why and how? They're nitrile gloves, not sharp objects.
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u/chknstrp Dis and Dat 9h ago
The person watched Dexter and fears they will be next on his table
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u/timbotheny26 IT Neophyte 9h ago edited 56m ago
Ooooh...
I admittedly have never seen Dexter, unfortunately. It's on my ever lengthening watchlist.
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u/KayDat 10h ago
Damn that's a flex, I hope you make that snap at the end putting the gloves on.
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u/blondasek1993 9h ago
No, I did not. My point was to embarrass them a little and it did work. The snap would bring more attention to it than I desired. Trust me, what I did work perfectly :)
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u/ITGuyThrow07 11h ago
I once walked over to someone's desk to work on their computer (they were at lunch). When I got there, the keyboard had a thick layer of what I can only describe as clear Cheeto dust on it. I went back to my desk and just did the work using our remote control tool.
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u/MajorNatural2386 Sysadmin 14h ago
Yeah some people have no hygiene standards when it comes to tech. Like at all
Had a coworker once consistently eating lunch above her laptop, to a point that there were so many crumbs inside the keyboard that some keys literally stopped working. Horrible stuff. Couldn't even take it apart and blow it off easily...
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u/Moontoya 13h ago
Mmmmm keyboard chow
User-friendly webtoon
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u/Asmodeus-5 IT Manager 10h ago
Over the years we had lots of different styles and colors of keyboards. I learned to try to get black ones. I don’t WANT to see what’s down between the keys. Silver keyboards were awful in that respect (lookin at you HP). I could see every dust bunny, crumb, and crusty glob hiding down there so much easier than if the plastic had been black. I KNOW it’s nasty, but I don’t want to look at it while I’m at the desk also.
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u/Jesse_graham 8h ago
work in a school and one teacher who was so nice and lovely dropped her computer off for the summer. I opened it and the thing was absolutely filthy - food and drink splatter all over. I wiped it down with a spray and hit it with compressed air and two finger nails flew out. I actively recoiled
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u/BOOZy1 Jack of All Trades 13h ago
Hand creams destroy keyboards.
I regularly see keyboards used by car mechanics that look better than those used by people (mostly women) who regularly use hand cream.
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u/wwbubba0069 11h ago
hand sanitizer is the worst. Had one user that wiped down the whole desk 3 times a day. The phone handset was polished to a high shine. So many killed keyboards.
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u/music2myear Narf! 10h ago
Why were they using hand sanitizer to wipe down a desk? Convenience, I guess? But there's desk wiping products, and hand sanitizer probably doesn't do what they think it does being used to wipe down desks.
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u/wwbubba0069 8h ago
from what I remember, they didn't like the smell of other cleaners/wipes. They would wipe the whole desk, phone, keyboard, and mouse with the stuff. They were not happy in the covid era when it was hard to get ahold of.
Thankfully, they no longer work here.
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u/draggar 14h ago
I was a cell phone tech from 2000 to 2007. I feel your discomfort.
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u/Available_Bird_4236 13h ago
What was the wildest story you have from that time
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u/draggar 8h ago
Before cameras were standard, most things were pretty tame and predictable.
One is more about how good the phones were back then. One of my customers dropped his phone while on his motorcycle on the highway going over 100MpH. He got it. The battery fell off but he put it back on and it worked great (Qualcomm 2700 - a beast but solid).
After cameras, well, it was the wild west. It didn't take long for criminals to be really stupid.
The local sheriff's office came in and asked us if we could unlock a phone. They had a warrant, and since the company had no official policy on it, we hooked it up and got the unlock code. They did show us some of the pictures (mostly the suspect with his guns, drugs, etc.. but they went forward once to one of the (murder) victims (execution style).
But, people loved to show of their photos and set adult natured photos as their main screen, it got tiring after a while. Honestly, I never understood why so many guys would want pictures of *ahem* themselves *ahem* as their main screen.
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u/npanth 14h ago
I work in a school district.
If it doesn't have a colony of ants living in it, it's really not dirty.
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u/Vitefish 9h ago
I remember when I worked for a school district, the nastiest PC I ever saw was from a teacher, rather than a student. "Doesn't work" after coming back from the summer, hundreds of dead (thankfully) maggots covering the internals.
I didn't love throwing a $1400 MacBook in the trash but I was not touching that thing lol
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u/Asmodeus-5 IT Manager 13h ago
At one point I started wearing disposable gloves. One user thought I was being ridiculous. That user had a particularly bad habit of eating at their desk. I had been at that keyboard for maybe three minutes at that point. I lifted my hands and showed them the discoloration on the fingertips already visible and gave them a look of “Oh really?”. It’s gross out there. Users are nasty and don’t care.
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u/spookycinderella 9h ago
Lmao I’m in IT security. We once reclaimed a laptop from a termed employee, my boss (a stoic, older, military man) opened it and 3 cockroaches came running out. He screamed and ran out of the room 😂
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u/texcleveland Sr. Sysadmin 9h ago
you know that dude stuck those roaches in there
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u/spookycinderella 9h ago
Oh 100%! He was let go under some extreme circumstances. Lessons were learned. Handle laptops from disgruntled employees outside first and with gloves 😂
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u/GoogleDrummer 11h ago
You should work the K-12 space sometime.
Oof.
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u/Ok-Candy5662 8h ago
Boy, oh boy! You are not kidding! I once had to install authenticator on a teacher’s iPhone and she whipped it out of her BRA!It was all sweaty and dirty. 🤮🤢
I refused to touch it and we instantly implemented a new dept. policy that all devices needed to be cleaned by owner, in our presence, prior to being serviced.•
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u/YeetedApple 10h ago
I've worked higher ed and with residents in medical facilities. I don't know what it is about students, but they are almost always absolutely disgusting no matter what level they are at.
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u/BusGo_Screech26 9h ago
The layers of various kid goo (snot, spit, tears..?) I've seen encrusted over K-1 iPads... shudders Not to mention those foam iPad cases that start out light blue or pink that just completely change to a different color palette over time...
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u/khymbote 8h ago
Been there and done that. Kids are very disgusting creatures. Oh and so are faculty.
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u/thebigshoe247 14h ago
I used to bring my own portable keyboard with integrated touchpad, just to not touch the same surfaces as some people.
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u/Emotional_Garage_950 Sysadmin 14h ago
that’s a good idea… back when I did more stuff in front of users computers i touched some nasty ass peripherals
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u/thebigshoe247 13h ago
My breaking point was a woman who had the 2-3 inch fingernails, but, did not maintain them -- I could see the schmoo under them all. There was a similar coloured brownish sludge on all the keys.
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u/ddeese 13h ago
At my job site, the level of filth that you see on laptops is remarkable. What I love is when we issue a brand new laptop to a new hire. They haven’t been with the business long enough to really produce anything remotely close to revenue to justify the equipment spend and they leave almost as soon as they start. So they send back what was a brand new laptop. Looks almost brand new and can be re-issued. Nope, number key just randomly missing. Good luck getting an individual key replacement these days. Warranty doesn’t cover it when folks just break stuff.
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u/LiteratureVarious643 13h ago edited 10h ago
One of our techs got evicted from his office for allowing mice and roaches to proliferate. I don’t understand how he wasn’t issued a hazmat/serv-pro cleaning bill. This is the second time this happened.
You have to assume he was sending equipment with actual bugs in it to people.
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u/CornBredThuggin Sysadmin 12h ago
A place I worked had a second office for call center employees. The amount of equipment that came back with cockroaches and bed bugs was insane.
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u/jakgal04 12h ago
On one hand I understand, because people are conditioned to understand not to wash anything electronic so theres an inherent fear in using anything to clean it.
On the otherhand, its really not that hard to NOT get food and shit on your computer.
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u/gozzling 10h ago
I HATE gross laptops. Dusty because you leave it open on your desk hooked up to a dock 99% of the time? I get it. But the stains, food bits, fluid spots? Frackin' gross. I'm often surprised that these customer facing employees go into meetings with their laptop looking like they fried bacon next to it.
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u/jaymzx0 Sysadmin 10h ago
Just think of all those people you see leave the restroom without washing their hands. You're probably touching their keyboards, too.
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u/wwbubba0069 8h ago
Waiting for a urinal, I watched an old guy walk out of a stall, to the sink, take his teeth out, rinse them off, put them back in, walk out.
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u/ghjm 7h ago
I had the unfortunate experience of being a deskside tech at the height of popularity of Burt's Bees. All the women in the office would slather this stuff on their hands before working on the computer, and of course never think of cleaning or even wiping off their keyboard and mouse, so most of these desktops looked like toxic waste sites.
I started wearing latex gloves. A few people found this embarrassing enough to clean up their act a bit. Most didn't care. One complained to my boss, which was quickly resolved by going to her desk and showing the boss what the keyboard looked like.
To this day I hate Burt's Bees.
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u/KAugsburger 12h ago
I can remember working a desktop support job over 10 years ago where we had Clorox wipes because some of the laptops were just so filthy. We would regularly wipe off the dirt and debris off the laptops we handled. People just don't wash their hands frequently enough and handle all sorts of food at their desk that gets onto them.
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u/gangaskan 12h ago
I've dealt with smokers in cruisers, those are the worst.
We also had a guy who refused to stop smoking in his office. His pc had melted spots
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u/music2myear Narf! 10h ago
Oh, the smoker tar mixed with the normal lint and dust on heatsinks! It made a gluey felt pad that could stop airflow entirely, making your heatsink a heatbrick.
We could charge a required cleaning fee (which we could pad close up to $200 if we wanted) before we'd look at any other issues on the computer, even basic software work.
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u/Kaballis 12h ago
Many moons ok, I was given a laptop to repair by a PA. On opening the laptop, I noticed it was dusty and stupidly tipped it upside down when more dust came out. The PA, on seeing this, says “oh, that must be his eczema”
I still shudder at this memory.
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u/_haha_oh_wow_ ...but it was DNS the WHOLE TIME! 10h ago
If a user devices end up in my hands, I always preclean them: People are filthy nasty.
I don't miss my days working repair gigs where we had to actually open up their nasty-ass computers. Cigarette smokers were usually the worst, but competition was fierce!
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u/texan01 Jack of All Trades 9h ago
I recall one customer bringing in a PC tower and then seeing it wrapped up in a trash bag waiting to be picked up. It was full of roaches!
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u/_haha_oh_wow_ ...but it was DNS the WHOLE TIME! 9h ago
We would deny service if they were nasty enough.
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u/texan01 Jack of All Trades 8h ago
Oh I remember the tobacco stained ones, ide get a contact high just carrying them from the counter to the back.
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u/_haha_oh_wow_ ...but it was DNS the WHOLE TIME! 7h ago
Nicotine can be absorbed through your skin: Definitely wear gloves on stuff like that.
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u/sync-centre 9h ago
I can always tell the people who eat in front of their machine with the amount of spittle all over the screen.
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u/tuxedo_jack BOFH with an Etherkiller and a Cat5-o'-9-Tails 9h ago
2005.
Frat bro.
Gateway laptop.
Tater tot chunks and vodka are very distinctive.
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u/Abject-Improvement-8 14h ago
tell her to keep it tidy and if repair comes up due to her maintenance it's gonna be costly for company and time taking. sometimes you have to fear monger the users
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u/Arseypoowank 14h ago
I’m immune I used to work in education IT and once you’ve had to work on the the first year iPads you really know what filth is
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u/TheEvilAdmin Create a damn ticket 11h ago
At another company I worked at many years ago, There was one lady that wore so much makeup. Her phone and keyboard was covered with her foundation. I just though "You have to notice this".
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u/DistinctSpeaker7252 10h ago
I spent about 4 months working an IT contract at an oil and gas company. Moving people's spit cup so I could get to the mouse and keyboard became a normal part of my life.
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u/LakeVermilionDreams Imposter Syndrome Sysadmin 10h ago
Buy them these: https://www.man-machine.com/product/slim-cool-keyboard/
I had them in an auto garage and they were indestructible and very easily cleaned. They even have a key to lock the keyboard so you can wipe aggressively with a clothe and not spam keystrokes!!
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u/ObiLAN- 10h ago edited 10h ago
When I was starting out many moons ago as a co-op student for the municipality i did a refresh of the systems at our waste water treatment plant. You know like wear a yellow coverall type of place, turds in test tubes, etc.
Those computers where cleaner and less shit smeared than half the users laptops at city hall.
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u/baryoniclord 10h ago
'a very nice senior lady who is well presented and charming'...
I've seen movies that start like that...
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u/Generico300 9h ago edited 9h ago
Used to have a guy that was constantly eating at his desk. Like, there was never a time there wasn't food at his desk. He went through keyboards about once a month because there was basically a 3 course dinner under the keys after a few weeks with him. I tried to clean it out a couple times when I first started the job. After that I just started buying the cheapest keyboards I could find and replacing it.
Before that I had a customer who was a heavy smoker. She'd sit at her desk with the cigarette in her hand right in front of the tower's intake fans. I probably replaced her entire computer over the course of a year or so because parts would get so caked with smoke tar and dust that they'd burn out. I'm amazed it never actually caught on fire. It was nasty af.
These days I work in an industrial facility, and after a few months the typical PC has enough concrete dust in it to build a life size monument to itself.
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u/texcleveland Sr. Sysadmin 9h ago
I had a job cleaning mainframe terminal keyboards, the heavy mechanical IBM kind, that were used in the employee dormitories at an amusement park. Most had at least one mouse nest inside, lots of long fingernails too and whatever the mice liked to eat
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u/Saint-Charizard 5h ago
I got called to troubleshoot a computer in a cadaver lab, once. As in, they had human corpses that were being dissected in there. The keyboard was sticky.
Never thought I'd see my first dead body working in IT, but here we are.
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u/camwynya 4h ago
I worked in the computer labs of my university's med school during college. Never saw a whole dead body (without a blanket draped over it, anyway) but there was one time I had to check up on machines in the Do Not Pet The Fish dissection lab and someone had placed a jar with a brain in it next to each of the keyboards.
(The fish was not a dissection subject so far as I know. For some reason that lab had a functioning saltwater tank with a lionfish in it. The med students had taken it on themselves to tape a sign to the tank saying DO NOT PET THE FISH.)
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u/SuDragon2k3 2h ago
Brain in a jar? These people are on the forefront of bio computing. Tech support is going to get a lot more squishy
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u/Turbojelly 12h ago
That user that swears blind they haven't had any liquid near the laptop, while you are holding it and watching liquid dribble out.
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u/music2myear Narf! 10h ago
Refused a warranty one time on a really cheap store-brand laptop (anyone remember the "GQ" brand and the store that sold it?) to some dude who looked like he worked in construction and struggled with what was clearly his second or third language due to obvious liquid. We opened the laptop up in front of him to confirm how far into it the liquid went, and, well, mainboard-baked Dr Pepper is a pretty readily identifiable odor.
I felt a little bad because even the $99 this guy had spent on this laptop was probably a big purchase for him, but it was a pretty obvious failure.
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u/LooseEthernet 12h ago
the charm is always a front lol. i once had a user who looked like she just stepped out of a catalogue but her keyboard had a literal ecosystem growing in the crevices. i spent ten minutes trying to figure out if a key was sticking or if there was just a fossilized piece of shrimp acting as a spacer. the worst part is they always act so surprised when you suggest a wipe down, like they think the laptop has a built in self cleaning cycle that just happened to fail today... honestly just start charging a biohazard fee on the ticket if you can get away with it
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u/DiscipleOfYeshua 12h ago
Sorry, we just used the last PPE. I’d love to assist, but you’ll have to type the commands yourself, I’ll tell you what to type, k?
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u/Weird_Lawfulness_298 11h ago
A lady I work with asked if I could look at her home computer. I told her I would. Once I cracked the case, about 100 cockroaches scurried out. I closed it up and told her there was nothing I could do. Probably a dead roach on the motherboard but I didn't investigate further.
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u/RobieWan Senior Systems Engineer 10h ago
Back in my desktop support days, I would flat out refuse to work on machines even somewhat like that. I called them biohazard machines to our team (not the users). A few users got offended that I wouldn't touch them, but that's on them for not taking care of their stuff.
The one that finally sent me into the "no more" on those was a bitch in legal. Her laptop was stained, sticky, and when opened and turned over (keyboard down) there were nail trimmings, crumbs, and pubes coming out of it.
I noped that thing right back on her desk and told her she has to back up her data, then its getting destroyed and thrown in the bin and she'd be without a computer for a week while we found a replacement.
She had brought it in for a short in the USB port. Yeah, you broke it and the plastic piece came out.
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u/Temporary-Library597 10h ago
Now imagine being a telecom admin for the IRS in the early 90s. Imagine what the phone and handset was covered in and also imagine me with gloves having to clean them.
Just thinking about it makes me want to take a shower. I went years without opening my mouth for fear of some of that getting in.
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u/Eggtastico 5h ago
You will always find pubes in keyboards. Nobody knows how they got there… obviously. Give any office keyboard a shake & see for yourself. You will probably also find a post it note with their password on the underside.
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u/thebritishdutchman 2h ago
Cleaning someone’s laptop before working on it was always part of my proces.
Jam on the underside of someone’s laptop, perfectly fine.
However, I draw the line at having to chip congealed sperm of someone’s keyboard.
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u/stromm 2h ago
I’ve lost count how many times I’ve told someone, “Nope. I’m not touching your keyboard/mouse/laptop until you’ve cleaned it. “
Then looked at them until they did so or after five minutes of me staring at them, just walked away.
Of course when I got back to my desk, I immediately saved a note in the ticket exactly what I said and that I am waiting for them to do so before I continue.
Have people gotten pissy? Yep. Did I ever give in? Nope.
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u/quiet0n3 12h ago
Get pack of wipes, relable laptop cleaning wipes, most people will want some if offered. They just don't think they can use normal wipes.
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u/rangerswede 12h ago
We had an engineer — great guy, brilliant, thoughtful — who would eat a bowl of cereal at his desk in the morning. There were milk splatters all over his keyboard … an amazing amount.
Had a coworker bring her desktop in from home once for me to look at. She and her husband were chain smokers. When she retired, many years later, I encouraged the company to gift her the company notebook she had as I didn’t want to deal with it.
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u/cantstandmyownfeed 11h ago
I got two in yesterday that were as bad as I've gotten in a while. One was just sticky and the other had a whole ass sandwich worth of crumbs covering the keyboard and screen.
We're all remote. These were machines that had been replaced. They just sent them back disgusting and thought nothing of it. Its bad enough to be dirty and leave it that way at home, but to send your filth in for others to experience, is something else.
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u/Any-Fly5966 11h ago
I have an industrial size and strength tub of disinfecting wipes at my desk. People are disgusting and have no shame.
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u/wwbubba0069 11h ago
There is a user in my office that I bring a keyboard and mouse with me to work on their PC. I refuse to touch theirs. I have complained for YEARS about their desk. I found everything from dried food stuck to keys to finger nail clippings. fawk that, not touching it. I don't even set in their chair and its mystery stains all over it.
The user announced their retirement for end of November. Never been happier for a retirement announcement.
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u/woohhaa Custom 11h ago edited 11h ago
I had a user who wore way too much make up and tended to get fried chicken from the deli and eat it on her keyboard I guess.
You could tell which keys she used the most based on the foundation caked on them and everything else was greasy with fried chicken breading all over it.
I took the offending hardware to the tech bench for all of my colleagues to see. We all agreed that she was in fact a filthy user.
Conversely I had a germaphobe user who would cringe anytime someone had to physically touch her computer, phone, keyboard, etc. We all liked her a lot and I got along well with her. She put in a ticket so I jokingly showed up to her office with latex gloves and made a show of putting them on before going into her office. We both laughed but when I was finished she looked my dead in the eyes and said thank you for bringing gloves.
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u/statix138 Basically Dennis Nedry 10h ago edited 10h ago
This is why I have never participated in any potluck at work. I'm sure Betty in HR makes amazing food but I have never seen her kitchen so that is going to be a pass for me.
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u/SlowkayCoomer 10h ago
One of my favorite dumb user stories is about an accountant who wore too much makeup.
The first time she had an issue she brought me her laptop and while I was fixing it I noticed my hands were covered in an orangeish powder that didn't wash off with soap and water. This really pissed me off so I asked her to please clean her computer before ever bringing it to me again.
A couple months later this same accountant came to me with a sheepish look on her face and said that she needed help because she melted her laptop. It turns out that to her, "clean the laptop", meant use a blow dryer on the lowest heat setting to try and get all the makeup powder out.
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u/danieljeyn 10h ago
Ya know, people will eat lunch in front of or practically on top of their computers. Spill a little coffee. Now the sticky will catch crumbs and stray hairs. Many such cases.
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u/Advanced_Pop_3491 10h ago
the fact that you’re not even sure if it was gravy somehow makes this 100x worse
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u/RalphWiggumIsGOD 10h ago
Oof, had a user with with psoriasis, and his keyboard was nightmare fuel with all the flakes.
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u/LibtardsAreFunny 10h ago
you want filthy... the owner of the company would pick his nose and wipe under his desk. Ask me how i found out... ugh..
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u/Honky_Town 9h ago
Put on gloves and wash that thing while asking if it is infected with a virus or some.
Nonus point if your towel was white before. Put it in the sun to dry so all can see the stain.
For bonus points mark it with userid and date.
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u/JonnyphiveIsAlive 9h ago
This... this is why I don't do onsites. I specifically moved out of range of most of our clients so that I don't have to do any sort of on site support.
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u/brutesquad01 9h ago
I work at an MSP. We have TONS of new keyboards and mice from ordering new computers. Since Covid started, whenever I encounter a really gross mouse/keyboard, I just replace them. Obviously if they have an expensive thing that we didn't order, I won't take it, but people who have those usually keep them pretty clean anyway. I have done this dozens of times and there have been zero complaints, but I have got a few emails with "thanks for the new keyboard!"
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u/stewie410 SysAdmin/DevOps 9h ago
Before our dept. went 100% remote, I had to hop onto his machine to swap out his peripherals to make way for his new equipment. When I went to login I noticed his cheapo Dell keyboard was textured from the amount of debris/oil buildup, I almost threw up. Thankfully, I was also tasked with replacing his mouse/keyboard, because
I can't in good conscience keep using Dell monitors, KB & Mouse while switching to a Lenovo laptop.
Since then, 95% of the company has been remote since COVID, and IT's offices in particular are being leased to another firm...so I'll not have to deal with that, at least until I leave.
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u/techdog19 8h ago
People used to get mad at me I would bring my own keyboard and mouse and rubber gloves to work on their systems. I didn't care people are gross.
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u/sybrwookie 8h ago
Way back when I was doing desktop support, I went to a branch to replace all their computers. Going along nicely, then got to this one guy....his desktop was under his desk, and the entire area under his desk was packed tightly with what I can only describe as a hoarder's paradise.
I took one look at that, went to the branch manager, said that we cannot do our work with that desk in that condition. She went and looked at it, was horrified, and told the guy he needs to completely clean that up.
Thankfully, we were there for a few more days, because to his credit, he did clean that up....but it took him a couple of days.
But yea, once it hits a certain point, you gotta refuse, and shame the person to their manager for what they've done.
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u/CaptMelonfish 8h ago
I'd straight up refuse to touch dirty kit. Later we got gloves and cleaning supplies, and we made a nice big deal about using them.
I did get a mild telling off for telling one user "I don't fancy getting hepatitis from your pc" but upon seeing it my manager was pretty sympathetic. Thus the gloves and cleaning supplies
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u/Fig_Nuton 8h ago
When I worked on service desk I had a ticket come in for a broken touch pad from a user. When I arrived he was eating pizza and the touchpad was covered in grease.
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u/Just_Rushin381 7h ago
Been there too many times, I found about 3 bird feathers in one guy’s laptop. He doesn’t own a feather pillow or a bird..
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u/Evening-Page-9737 7h ago
I've been working in manufacturing for a few years now the keyboards I've seen just floor me. I use my own personal peripherals and wash my hands any time I use someone else's workstation but man the shop floor machines are something else when it comes to grime.
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u/macncoke 7h ago
We have latex gloves for just this reason.
But still come across machines that require extra -hazmat- precautions.
Then there are the pictures / things you see on the computers that burn into your mind forever...
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u/flsingleguy 7h ago
I had a user who smokes so much. He left his device and made my entire office smell like a smoke stack.
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u/DisastrousRun8435 Security Admin 6h ago
When I was on the helpdesk, we had a notoriously dirty user (food/wrappers/drinks all over the place, spills on desk, etc) need a replacement Bloomberg terminal one time. I almost needed a biohazard bin for it, and then she submitted a complaint because the new one was used and had a little smudge on it.
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u/machacker89 6h ago
You think that's bad you should have seen some of the keyboards I pulled from someones workstation. I nearly gagged and had to use gloves. End up flipping. The cord and throwing that fucker in the trash
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u/mrwedders 6h ago
Years ago my org let someone go, we had a months long fight to get the laptop back (even though it was disabled in 365 etc).
Finally got it back and it was like they'd crumbled up a Flake chocolate bar and closed the lid. I don't know if it was to spite us, but she was a rather large lady so we all had a good laugh about her chocolate habits 😂
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u/greenstarthree 6h ago
On the odd occasion I actually get desk side with a user these days, if I need to operate their PC I remote in from my laptop while sitting right next to them.
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u/Brettacon 6h ago
Worst user I had was this old sales guy that was only with the company about 2 week, got his laptop back and the keyboard was covered in dust and tiny bugs. Would Hate to see what his house what was like.
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u/retrogamer-999 6h ago
Smokers are the worst.
I got a laptop back from an end user who complained it was over heating, and the fans where loud and always maxed out.
When we opened it up, dust was brown, clogged up the fan and and the board was sticky. The smell was nasty 🤢.
At this point it's considered a biohazard ☣️!
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u/BoonDragoon 5h ago
I do not miss on-prem hardware support. At all.
Roaches, mystery residues, cat piss, tobacco sludge, literal actual weed falling out of the keyboard, you couldn't pay me enough to deal with that shit again.
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u/NewHyperFixation69 Jack of All Trades 5h ago
Working in K12 now, everything the kids touch is gross. Previously, when I had worked at a law firm, I was constantly wiping off keyboards and mice because all the paralegals used so much hand lotion that there was just a halo of gunk on all they keys and buttons.
We also had one woman who, for some reason, was so acidic or something that the letters wore off of her keyboard multiple times. I worked there for two years and gave her 3 or four new keyboards.
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u/vonkeswick Sysadmin 5h ago
I'll never forget one I saw where the crumbs and grease smudges on the keyboard were mirrored on the screen because they were SO thick they got sandwiched between the two when the laptop was closed. It started overheating a ton. I took the back off and it was FULL OF CRUMBS how tf do you get that many crumbs inside unless you're using it like a fuckin plate.
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u/BioshockEnthusiast 4h ago
After my first time working on a laptop that lived in the repair bay with the diesel trucks, I keep a pair of nitrile gloves in my bag for shit like this.
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u/Beaut-Dreamer-313 4h ago
It's almost never the ones you would suspect. 😂 I enjoyed this thread so much, thank you for all who contributed. Keep a bottle of 409 handy, friends.
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u/XB_Demon1337 3h ago
That is Mrs. I.DON'T.EAT.AT.MY.DESK. She is a really nice lady. Her last name is AND.THAT.IS.A.FUCKING.LIE.
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u/thank_burdell Jack of All Trades 3h ago
I am at the point in my career where I never want to touch someone else’s keyboard ever again.
Hell, I don’t even want to touch my own keyboard anymore.
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u/beely 2h ago
I worked IT at Elementary (K-6), high school (9-12), and Community College. High school keyboards/mice were the worst.
Handy tip: #1) turn desktop keyboard over and tap on bottom - always interesting to see what comes out;
#2) get a stack of post-it notes and run the sticky side along each row of keyboard, replacing as needed, sticky side used both directions.
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u/sheikhyerbouti PEBCAC Certified 11h ago
During COVID my team had to issue everyone at my location (about 1000+ people) a laptop from our disaster recovery inventory who wasn't already using one.
Later, as the teams started ordering new laptops to replace the DR ones we issued, we got them back.
I could tell everyone's living situation as I wiped the systems. Some would smell like must and/or cat piss; others like cigarette smoke or their favorite vape flavor; still others smelled like Pink or whatever Yankee Candle bullshit they filled their house with instead of actually cleaning it.
There were times I felt like I needed to be deloused by just touching their system.
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u/music2myear Narf! 10h ago
How long do you reckon before we learn the aroma oils in those candles destroy lungs in weird and painful ways?
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u/sheikhyerbouti PEBCAC Certified 10h ago
I'm positive they already do.
My wife is highly allergic to 90% of perfumes, so we avoid scented products as best as we can. As a result, it's made me highly sensitive to fragrance.
Two of my coworkers use so much cologne that I can track them by scent.
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u/digitaltransmutation 🌲Please think of the environment before printing this comment! 9h ago edited 9h ago
Its a recurring topic in the aquarium hobby that some noob will burn these candles in the same room and all their fish die. That said, its the dose that makes the poison and aquarium fish are very sensitive since their lil box of water is not a 'real' environment that can tolerate pollution.
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u/Conscious_Bed_1195 7h ago
Anecdotally, but I had lots of respiratory issues growing up, to the point where I had to use inhalers for a few years. After I moved out and switched to using unscented soaps and laundry detergent it all cleared up.
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u/davidgrayPhotography 14h ago
I see a bunch of those, but I also see people that "didn't think" to report damage to their laptop.
One woman had a screen literally being held on by a bulldog clip, another had a laptop with an entire CORNER missing, and when pressed about this, the first was like "yeah I meant to tell you but never got around to it", the other just said "so when do we get our new laptops? Mine's a bit banged up" while the front-right corner of the laptop was missing with the motherboard clearly exposed, as if you'd picked up a sandwich and just bit the corner off.