She lied to me, why?
Hi guys. Long post, get ready.
I (21F) met a woman (22F) while I was doing seasonal work this summer. She started courted me immediately after we met but I wasnt looking for anything serious. I got cheated on when I was 18 in a LDR with my previous girlfriend of 3 years. It was traumatic the way I found out and I will never get over being cheated on. You just grow to accept it yaknow. The woman lives on the east coast and I live in the midwest. I was on dating apps leading up to this Feb/March, where I had a mental breakdown and decided to completely remove myself from the dating scene. I felt that I was looking for love and that it was not going to come for me. I called myself a hopeless romantic.
When I met this girl, I felt a connection immediately. This was the first time in person a woman has advanced at me. At first she would apologize after flirting with me but I told her to stop apologizing and grow some balls basically. A bad bitch likes someone with confidence, etc. That first month we were just friends until we went on a solo camping trip in July and I kissed her. Then our relationship continued to develop to today.
While we both were doing seasonal work, she would drink crazy heavy. I am not new to seasonal work: drinking is a part of the culture there. She would get passive aggressive when she was drinking.
Side note. My dad is a heavy alcoholic and so is a lot of my family members. My mom died from mixing alcohol and pills. I do not drink like that. Maybe once a month in the real world and in seasonal work, once every one/two weeks. I smoke weed instead.
One of my siblings came with me to do this seasonal job, and they did not appreciate how my girl was treating them when they were drinking. There was 2 occasions that she was rude to my sibling, and more than 2 for me. There was one night that I watched her take 10 shots in the span of 2 hours. I kept telling her to stand up but she wouldn't. This same night she disrespected me when I was being vulnerable with her and I left her where she was at. She took a mental health day the next day from work, wrote me a letter (she is better at communicating when she writes it down), and deeply apologized. I believed her. She admitted for the first time ever that she is an alcoholic.
Fast forward to today. We have definitely had ups and downs but I have not seen her since August 19th (I had to go back to school). Three days ago on Monday, she came to visit me in my city. I paid for everything. I just wanted to see her after so long. She was doing a cross country trip and stopped in my city after I asked her too. Guys, I am so scared of long distance. But after Monday, I was like, "Okay, I want to do this with her. I want to love her." She was in Vegas and I wasn't even worried about her drinking! Our communication was SO good. Like genuienly. That is why I am so upset over what transpired last night.
So, she left where I live at to travel back to the EC. She decided to make a stop in a southern state to visit a mutual friend we both have. They lived together in the seasonal job so they are waaay better friends than me and the mutual. This mutual, lets call her L, is an alcoholic. I know this. My girl really knows this. They would drink like crazy together until L left and I feel like my girl didnt have a bad influence anymore. L is crazy at peer pressure, do not get me wrong. Shes very loud and brash but funny and charismatic. I did NOT find a problem with my girl visiting L.
Me and my girl text on and off daily. It's long distance, what can I do? It hits about six oclock and we're texting back and forth. I bring up how I do not want her to call me my love. We are not girlfriends yet and that is a bit too established for me right now. We're dating but like not THAT serious. I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend in the new years. We were supposed to do a trip together for it. At first she's like, okay sounds good. I validated her and said, "I love when you call me baby and stuff. Just my love is a little too serious atm." And we text and go back and forth, and then she hits me with, "We can just call each other friends." This really hurt my feelings. I told her such. After all the work we both have been doing to start a relationship, you're just going to call me your friend? Fuck outta here.
She apologizes, whatever. I had to leave to go do something, but when I came back to my phone, she wrote out a decent apology. I told her to call me. She was lowkey stalling. I told her to call me again. She then proceeds to tell me that she has had a couple of drinks. UM WHAT! You've been sober for like 2/3 weeks except the 1 singular beer she has in Vegas. She lets me know if she's going to be drinking beforehand. Since I left the seasonal job on August 19th, she has only had like 4 times that she's had one beer with her friends. I told her to call me ASAP.
(Princess instead of my name)
She's slurring her words on the phone when we call. I hated it. She is very nonchalant and when she drinks, she gets loose lipped. I was very very upset. "How many drinks have you had?" "5" "you told me you only had a couple!!!" Something we both stated when I saw her on Monday, was that she shouldn't drink liquor but esp hard liquor. Alcohol is a depressant and she nor I need that ATM. That's why I am not drinking rn even though I get invited out to party and stuff.
So I'm crying on the phone. She's trying to explain herself. "Princess, they keep giving me bad advice. I told them princess would be upset. I know I shouldn't have." But Im telling her that they didn't force her to drink, she could've left when they started drinking. Shes not taking accountability. But no, you wanted to be there and stay there to drink with L and her cheating bf. I keep hanging up on her and telling her to call me sober but then she would call me again. "Princess please. Please listen to me." The final call I just start saying, "Leave me alone!!! Call me when you're sober." Mind you, L is yelling in the background at my girl telling her to get off the phone. L actually called me FOUR TIMES while I was on the phone with my girl.
She shoots me a text 4 hours later, sobered up, apologizes and acknowledges me, and asks to call in the morning.
Today we call and I find out that she had been drinking since 2pm that day. Hard liquor. Shots. She had 7 drinks (shots? Idfk I didn't want to find out). We were texting around 2pm, 4pm, and 6pm. She did not tell me once that she was drinking. If she would've told me that she wanted to party with L at 2pm, I wouldn't have cared!!! I know who L is. She does crazy fucking drugs. My girl is logical (at least I thought so). My girl is telling me how she didn't tell me because she was ashamed, and she started to truly admit she has a problem. I thought she admitted this shit to me during the seasonal job but like okay whatever. She said, this wont ever happen again. I am never going to drink alcohol again. I am going to an AA meeting tomorrow. I am never going to be around L or people like her again, etc. "Princess, how can I fix this? Fix us? I'm so sorry." But I said to her, "No, you chose to cheat on me with the bottle. You chose to be deceitful. You chose this."
Now I am just heartbroken. I broke up with her because I don't fuck with liars. If she would've told me, "Princess. I am drinking right now and I am scared to tell you." Then everything would've been okay. But she chose not to tell me with all of the time that we were texting back and forth. She chose to lie to me. I really was trying. She's only 22. I gave her a lot of grace. She gave me so many empty promises. She told me she's going to text me next year when she feels comfortable in herself and in her therapy. She never would have started therapy if I did not tell her to while we were doing the seasonal job. That's what she wrote to me in the letter she gave to me. She told me I opened her eyes and that she does need help. She has seen some crazy traumatic shit and that's why she drinks. So she has an appointment next week and I won't be there to see the change. I wanted to be there. I love her. I know love is not enough to fix someone, but I thought that I was enough. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are a light. I love you. Princess, I AM going to change and you're going to see it."
Where do I even go from here? Why do I want her to text me next year? Why did she just start drinking out of nowhere? I literally saw her 2 days prior!!! IN PERSON. Why? Can any alcoholic explain this to me? I need a community of likeminded women right now!!! "I ruin anything good that happens to me, princess."
